He'd actually done it. Natsuki Subaru had done something that should have been impossible to accomplish. And yet there was no joy to be found in this achievement, if it could even be called that.
Subaru had somehow managed to make Rem hate him, even if only momentarily.
While contemplating the miserable failure experienced during his previous loop which had resulted in a horrific death for both him and Rem, Subaru had reached two important conclusions. The first was that he needed to be more proactive in achieving his goals. 'Diligent' even. If he truly cared about returning to his carefree life in Banan with Natsuki Rem by his side, he would have to pull out all the stops. The second was that he needed to make do with any Rem he happened to get, his or not. If she wasn't Natsuki Rem, he'd make her Natsuki Rem. If she didn't want to go with him of her own volition, he'd make her go with him by force. Not physical force, obviously, he was far weaker than her. So his secret weapon would be to take a hostage, namely himself. Rem would agonize over the decision at first but eventually understand that there was nothing she could do. Then she would give in and the two would begin their new life together. After that, Subaru would just have to spend the rest of his life making it up to her. It was the perfect plan that took all contingencies into account.
Except for one thing that Subaru could never have expected.
I can't believe she actually hit me with 'not my Subaru'.
The irony of the role reversal almost made him want to laugh hysterically. In the previous loop, he'd been too quick to give up on Rem and continued to reject her despite her constant attempts to win back his favor. In this one, he had been the one to relentlessly pursue Rem and Rem had ultimately rejected him as a result.
It was especially painful because something told him he'd been moments away from making her surrender. Instead, his impatience had led him to give her a countdown to lay the pressure on even thicker until she snapped.
Even then, Subaru might have still had an opportunity to fix everything. Rem had remorsefully pleaded and begged with him to listen, but he'd been too shocked by her rejection to think straight. And in the end, it had been Subaru who had told Rem that he wished to cut ties with her. Worse still, he'd told her to go back to the Mansion. Though she herself had no way of knowing the doom awaiting everyone in Arlam, Subaru had, without thinking, essentially told Rem that she should just go die. This was something he had said to the woman he loved more than anything in the world.
What the hell is wrong with me?! Why can't I do anything right?!
All the competence, confidence, and tact that he'd built up over an entire lifetime seemed to have vanished completely as if he'd never acquired them in the first place. Did that previous life of his even have any meaning left?
Halibel… Tia… Rigel… Spica… Rem…
Subaru recited those five names in his head to remind himself that those seventy years hadn't been wasted and that he had friends and family in Banan who had loved him.
Halibel.
Subaru's first real friend in Kararagi, the 'eternal playboy', who had risked his life on multiple occasions to save Subaru and Rem.
Tia.
The murderous Great Spirit who had grown affectionate towards Subaru and Rem while living together with them, eventually becoming an honorary member of the Natsuki family.
Rigel.
Rem and Subaru's firstborn who constantly acted as if he hated his father and yet could always be depended on to preserve the Natsuki family's honor and traditions.
Spica.
The adorable daughter who, while sharing her brother's sharp tongue and tendencies to cause trouble, took after her mother as a powerful source of empathy and compassion.
Rem.
Subaru's love. His life. His everything. The first woman who had told Subaru that she loved him. The mother of his children. The one who had stayed by his side for seventy long, happy years.
Rem.
So close and yet so far. Subaru had been certain his 'secret weapon' would guarantee that Rem would agree to go with him. If he'd been a little more patient in that moment, the two would have likely been in the carriage on the way to Banan by now. It was a trick he would only be able to pull off once, utilizing the element of surprise. Now that Rem knew what he was capable of, she would be ready for it. So he had to think of a new tactic that could catch her off guard.
Subaru didn't necessarily even need to make Rem agree if he could find some way to get her into Kararagi before she realized what was happening. If he really needed to, he could probably find merchants in the city selling powerful sedatives and especially durable chains. But then what? Was he really going to just knock Rem out, restrain her, and then lock her up in a box until they got to Banan, like some kind of psychopathic yandere? Even overlooking the strangeness of such a plan, he wasn't sure how practical it would even be to render an Oni unconscious and to keep them tied down. If she used her horn, Rem would almost certainly be able to break out at any time. If she did, the outrage at her treatment would probably be enough to push her over the edge and make her kill him. Subaru wasn't particularly looking forward to having yet another death brought about after accomplishing nothing. But most of all…
I can't believe I'm actually contemplating the logistics of kidnapping my own wife… Why am I even considering something like that?! Damn it, what's wrong with me?!
Subaru slammed his fist into the nearest wall with full force, needing some kind of outlet for his bottomless ire. As he should have expected, the impact hurt him far more than his target as his knuckles flared up in pain and blood ran down his fingers.
"MEOW! You sure showed that wall, Subawu!"
Oh, well isn't that just great?!
As if things couldn't get any worse, Subaru's tantrum had taken place just as a certain flaxen-haired nuisance had come to check up on him. If that world had a God and if he was merciful, Subaru would be able to end this conversation before it began. If not, he would inevitably be subjected to more of the cat-eared little shit's heckling.
"Can I help you with something, Ferris?" Subaru struggled to keep the disdain out of his voice.
"Ferri clearly isn't the one who nyeeds help…" Ferris muttered under his breath.
"What was that?"
"Nyothing, heh heh. Ferri just said that Ferri is here to heal Subawu's Gate."
"Ugh. Can it wait? I'm not really in the mood to have you messing around with my soul right now." Subaru made a shooing motion towards the meddling healer to show that his presence wasn't welcome.
"So Ferri can't see how rotten it is..."
"Huh?!"
"Ferri is sorry to hear that, Subawu. Ferri will reschedule for tomorrow then. Anyway, please try nyot to take your anger out on Lady Crusch's furniture and walls."
"Cool. See ya."
Ferris started walking towards the bedroom door then paused halfway and sighed.
"Rem is really upset about what happened earlier. Ferri thinks Subawu should go and apologize to her. Not that it's any of Ferri's business…"
Who the fuck does this brat think he is?!
Maybe it was the product of having lived a full life already but something about receiving unsolicited advice from Ferris seriously rubbed Subaru the wrong way.
"You know what?! You're absolutely right!" Subaru said with obviously faked liveliness.
Ferris didn't seem to have noticed that Subaru was being flippant as his cat ears perked up in excitement.
"Great! But remember, mew didn't hear it from Fer—"
"Yeah. You're right. It really is none of your business..."
"…"
"...Felix."
Subaru watched with satisfaction as the usage of that particular name made Ferris squirm uncomfortably.
"Meeowwww! It's Ferris! F-e-r-r-i-s! Mew were at the Ceremony so mew should know that the other name hurts Ferri's feewings. Honestly, Subawu, mew are incorrigible. First, a falling out with Lady Emilia. Then Reinhard the other day. Then today with Rem. And nyow mew are even being nyeedlessly mean to cute little Ferri! Have mew ever considered that maybe mew just have a particularly disagreeable personality,meow?"
"Can't. Say. That I have." Subaru said between gritted teeth. "Will that be all then?"
Ferris paused in thought before getting closer to Subaru and using magic on his damaged hand.
"In case mew forgot that Ferri is a healer, heh heh. Shall Ferri also heal that wound in your nyeck?"
How could he possibly know about that?
Reluctantly, Subaru showed Ferris the cut he'd inflicted on himself earlier.
"Fixed!"
"Gee thanks, Ferris. What would I ever do without you?" Subaru said in a totally deadpan voice.
"It wouldn't hurt mew to be a little more appreciative of Ferri's assistance. Don't get Ferri wrong though. That wasn't for Subawu. It was for Lady Crusch, and for Rem at myost.Ferri personyally thinks Subawu is irredeemable scum for what he did…"
Subaru clenched his newly mended fist, seething with rage. "Oh…? Is that so…?"
As if you have any right to judge me, you hypocritical piece of shit!
He'd always found Ferris' teasing to be annoying at the best of times. In these circumstances, it was requiring all of his willpower to resist the urge to wrap his hands around the feline asshole's neck. It didn't help that Ferris was one of those that Subaru blamed for his most disastrous loop, the one that had made him give up, where Rem had been erased from existence by the White Whale and the Witch had crushed Emilia's heart. Crusch Karsten was ultimately the one who had refused Subaru's plea for aid against the Witch Cult, even going as far as to imply Subaru might be a cultist himself. Ferris Argyle, the proud healer who supposedly valued human life above all else, had stood by silently as Crusch justified her decision to let the innocent people of Roswaal's Domain be slaughtered, only intervening briefly to defend Crusch's honor. Subaru was sure he'd be over it by now but one of his last thoughts as he'd suffocated from Rem's heart being stuffed down his throat was of hatred towards everyone he'd turned to all those years ago. Everyone who had doubted his words or openly mocked them like a certain haughty orange-haired 'princess'.
Die. Die. Die. All of you callous pieces of shit should just go DIE!
If Ferris noticed that he was skating on thin ice when it came to poking Subaru, he certainly wasn't showing it.
"Yup! That's the only way Ferri could describe threatening your own life while knyowing how it would hurt Rem! Just because you're a weakling doesn't mean getting to do things like that to make up for it! I'm sure mew think you're a reeeeaaal genius for coming up with that tactic… But nyo. In the end, it's nothing more than emotional manipulation and abuse from a worthless. Pathetic. Coward."
I'll kill him. I'll fucking kill him!
Subaru could feel himself losing his temper. This was the first time since Petelegeuse that he'd felt an overpowering desire to inflict serious harm on someone.
"What the FUCK did you just say?! Are you trying to pick a fight?!"
"Aaaah! Oh nyo! Ferri made Subawu all angwy! Won't somebody save poor little Ferri from the big scawy Subawu?" Ferris pretended to cower in fear from Subaru's ire. Then he winked and stuck his tongue out mischievously. "Juuuuuust kidding, heh heh. Even Ferri is enough to knock Subawu flat. Lucky for Subawu that Ferri doesn't like fighting. But you knyow, if mew really nyeed someone to teach you another lesson, I'm sure Julius would be happy to do the hono— MEOW!"
Subaru's fist collided with Ferris' face, interrupting the catboy midsentence and knocking him back into the wall. Shaken but otherwise apparently unharmed, Ferris wiped the blood from his nose and confronted Subaru.
"You… You hit Ferri! In the face! Why would — ACK!"
Subaru delivered a powerful uppercut to Ferris' stomach, making him double over in pain.
"W-w-wait! AAAAH!"
Then a kick straight to the head while Ferris was still on all fours. Surprisingly, despite the cracking sound of bone as foot impacted against skull, Ferris still got up without a single wound on his person.
"It's pointless!" Ferris yelled with tears in his eyes. "Ferri's Divine Protection and Water Magic fixes any damage to Ferri immediately! You're wasting your time! No matter what, Ferri won't get hurt!"
Ferris was likely hoping that this would discourage Subaru from continuing his assault. Instead—
"So you're saying…" Subaru smiled wickedly and licked his lips. "…That no matter how much I lay into you, it won't cause any lasting damage? I can just keep doing this for as long as I want and I don't even need to hold back?! Well, then it looks like I've finally found a use for you! Ya see, I've been under a lot of stress lately and I just need to let alllllll of it out. And trust me, it's a lot. So I have to say that I really appreciate you coming here and volunteering to be my punching bag."
—It was the best news that Subaru had heard all day.
"Please… Mew don't have to do this…"
For the first time, Subaru saw genuine terror in Ferris' yellow eyes as he defensively raised his hands in front of his face. It only made Subaru want to hurt him even more. He'd been waiting a long time for an opportunity like this. He cracked his knuckles and approached menacingly towards the cowering healer who slowly stepped back until he was totally cornered.
Subaru roughly grabbed Ferris' flaxen hair. "Oh come on now, don't be like that. Let's play together! You like playing around, don't you, Felix? Here, kitty kitty. Pspsps."
"Help…" It was barely a whimper.
Fire engulfed Subaru's entire body as the rage he'd stowed away for seventy long years escaped from confinement. That same murderous vengeance he'd been saving for Petelgeuse and the Witch Cult, which had seemingly been snuffed out by Subaru's grief over killing Emilia. It turned out that this bloodlust had in fact been lying in wait for the perfect moment to reemerge. Subaru may not have had the power to destroy the world or even to retaliate against all those he blamed for his suffering. But now he finally had a convenient target that could take absolutely all of that anger.
Subaru swung, not caring which part of the catboy-shaped training dummy he would happen to hit. He was just craving another fix of that potent drug known as consequence-free violence. The feel of soft flesh caving in from his fist. The sound of pained cries. The smell of spilled blood. The sight of fresh tears forming in Ferris' eyes.
Not enough. Hurt him more.
It was a feeling of pure ecstasy. So he struck again.
More.
Then again.
More!
And again.
And again.
And again.
More! More! More!
He punched. He kicked. He throttled. He gouged. He crushed. He snapped bones. He drew blood.
One act of senseless, merciless violence after another.
MAKE! HIM! SUFFER!
Fist to nose. Knee to stomach. Foot to ribcage. Elbow to back of skull.
Screams. The splintering of chairs. The overpowering stench of blood, vomit, and urine in the air.
WHO'S THE WORTHLESS PATHETIC COWARD NOW, FELIX?!
Subaru grabbed tufts of hair and slammed the back of Ferris' head into the wall. Then into the table. Then as the catboy fell forward, Subaru bashed his head into the floor. Over and over. Over and over. Over and over.
HURT HIM! BREAK HIM! KILL HIM!
An endless, brutal beatdown.
KILL KILL KILL! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Then finally, after an unknown amount of time, the red mist dissipated and Subaru stopped his relentless assault. He stepped back and beheld the results of his actions. The bedroom was unrecognizable. Pretty much all of the furniture had been damaged if not outright broken. The room itself had been painted almost entirely red like the scene of some ghastly murder that even Elsa would call excessive.
And in the center of all that chaos and destruction—
"Guess you really were all talk in the end…" Subaru tutted and shook his head.
—Ferris was lying face-down and unmoving in a pool of his own blood.
Breathing heavily from the intense exercise, Subaru sat on his newly repainted bed. He tried to wipe some blood from his hair and face using his hands, only to realize that they too were completely covered in the crimson liquid. Subaru's hands were not only coated in Ferris' blood but also bleeding themselves. His knuckles were raw, bruised, and cracked from overuse. He must have thrown at least a hundred punches throughout.
A bubbling sound coming from the red puddle on the floor caught Subaru by surprise. He was even more shocked when he realized that it had been caused by breathing from the catboy who he'd presumed dead. Ferris picked himself up off the ground, spat out some excess blood and a damaged tooth, then hobbled towards the bedroom's exit.
"Are you finally satisfied?" He asked without a shred of emotion in his voice, his back still to Subaru and one foot already in the hallway.
Ferris didn't even wait for a reply before slamming the door shut behind him. Subaru still took the time to ponder the question before coming to an answer.
For now...