I just want all of you to know how badly I goofed up with Valentine's Day Frenzy, the story before this. See, when I was obsessively watching South Park while at college, I suddenly had the idea of "What if Cartman sang Hellfire from the Hunchback of Notre Dame, but what if he was singing it about Kyle?" And that idea was so funny to me that I started planning a fan fiction around that concept, and I was going to have him sing it with obviously altered lyrics when he realized he was in love with Kyle. Then I wrote that story… and I completely forgot to put that in. The entire reason why that and this story exist, and I somehow completely forgot about it by the time I reached the right scene. I only realized that about a year ago when I was listening to the song and then was like "I could totally see Cartman singing this about…" and then giant face palm.
Just wanted you all to know how bad my memory was and still is.
Chapter Fourteen – Well, This is Awkward…
"But you're not afraid of me!"
By the time Kenny and Kyle had returned to the campsite, Cartman had returned from doing the dishes and Tweek and Butters had gone through most of the leftover marshmallows. Tweek had been too impatient when it came to cooking marshmallows to a perfect golden brown and had just deliberately set them on fire instead. And Butters somehow kept accidentally setting his marshmallows on fire, even if he was holding the stick ten feet away.
"Turns out, they really did have a stand full of maps over in that direction," Kenny said when he and Kyle sat down with their friends.
"Were you two making out or something?" Craig asked, giving them a look. "You were gone an awfully long time." Kenny glared at him.
"We got lost, ok?" He growled in response. "It's hard to find things in the dark, you know."
"Then why didn't you just wait until morning?" Stan asked, cocking an eyebrow.
"You know what? This trip isn't going to be fun if you keep questioning all of my stupid decisions," Kenny said, folding his arms.
"So, what you're saying is you needed a map in order to find the maps," Wendy giggled.
"I'm not dignifying that with a response," Kenny replied.
"Did you guys have some sort of marshmallow war while we were gone?" Kyle asked. "Why are there so many burnt marshmallows splattered on the ground?"
"Ask those two," Stan said, nodding towards Butters and Tweek who, in the span of thirty seconds, had somehow covered themselves in a sticky web of marshmallow.
"I like marshmallows," Butters said happily.
"Ah!" Tweek added.
Stan couldn't help but notice that Kyle still had a faraway look to his eyes, and now Kenny seemed like he was deep in thought. And he definitely wasn't blind to how weird Cartman was acting. Was there something the three of them were hiding from him?
His fears about Kenny were calmed a moment later, however, when he suddenly looked up at the group.
"You know, I was just thinking," he said. "I think San Francisco finally got out of its own ass. We should go there next! It could be fun!"
"Yeah," Wendy agreed. "And the author just got back from a trip there, so she'll be able to tell us where the fun things are!" Cartman sucked in his breath.
"I don't know," he replied. "I have a… history with that place. I can never go back there."
"What kind of 'history' would have you with San Francisco?" Stan snorted.
"I don't want to talk about it," Cartman said, growing a faraway look.
"Isn't that the place where you…" Butters started before being whacked in the head by Cartman.
"I said I don't want to talk about it," he growled.
"Well, it's two to one, so I think you got out voted there, Eric," Randy commented, wanting to contribute to the story more. Cartman glared at him.
"No, I haven't!" He said. "Not everyone has voted yet!"
"Alright," Gerald said, very diplomatically, I might add. "Everyone who wants to go to San Francisco, raise your hand!" Everyone except Cartman and Kyle (who still had bad memories from that Smug episode) raised their hands. "Out voted," Gerald declared. Cartman grumbled something angrily under his breath and folded his arms.
"Now we'll get to see the Full House house!" Butters said, clapping his hands excitedly.
"No one likes that show, Butters," Craig told him, rolling his eyes.
"And even if they did, that show was filmed on a set in Hollywood," Stan added.
"But if that's true, then why does it take place in San Francisco?" Butters asked. "With the Golden Gate bridge and everything?"
"Because you're an idiot, that's why," Kenny replied.
They all talked and joked for a while longer before one-by-one they started to head back in. Randy headed in first ("Old fart," Stan joked, causing his dad to glare at him), followed by Craig, dragging Tweek with him so they could cuddle, followed by Gerald and Butters.
Wendy and Kyle were too wrapped up in a random trivia game they invented, trying to one-up each other in their knowledge while Kenny kept muttering "nerds" under his breath. Stan was throwing random things into the campfire and watching it burn while Cartman just stared blankly into it.
Stan was thinking about heading to bed soon when he noticed that the bushes nearby were rustling. He was about to warn the others when the last person he wanted to see suddenly pushed her way through and into campsite. Stan felt his heart sink when he saw her.
"Hey guys!" Angela greeted cheerfully as if she hadn't caused a lot of friction between them all. "What's going on?"
Kyle immediately jumped out of his seat with a hiss, Wendy let out an "eep!" of surprise, and Cartman screamed with fear.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Kyle snarled, backing away from her in anger.
"Well, Stan mentioned that you guys were going to Yosemite," Angela said with a sweet smile. "And that just sounded like a lot of fun, so I convinced my parents to make a stop here! Isn't that great? Now I'll have even more chances to prove myself to you!"
Stan sucked in his breath as he felt the heat from Kyle's furious glare at the back of his neck. "That's great," he said in a very forced cheerful voice. He heard Kyle growl softly at this, but he tried to ignore him for now.
"Oh, don't mind me," Angela giggled. "I won't stay too long. I just wanted to say hi to all of you! And if you have time tomorrow, I would love for you guys to meet my parents! I promise they're not as crazy as me!"
"Heh heh, good one," Kenny said nervously, rubbing his arm.
"How long will you be staying in Yellowstone?" Angela asked, unaware of the tension. "And where are you heading next, if you don't mind me asking?"
"Yes, we do mind," Kyle hissed at her. "It's bad enough that we ran into you twice now. I'm not letting you follow us!" Angela blinked in shock.
"I-I'm not following you!" She said. "Honest! I just really wanted to see Yosemite! And I was just curious about your journey! That's all." He continued to glare at her.
"Give me one good reason why I should believe you," he snarled.
"Kyle…" Stan started before his friend rounded on him.
"Keep out of this, Stan," he snapped. "It's your fault she's here in the first place!"
"He's got a point there," Kenny said. "It was pretty much all your fault."
"Shut up, Kenny," Stan growled at him.
"I'm sorry," Angela said, looking crestfallen. "I don't want you boys to fight over me. I'll just go back to my camper now. I'm sorry for causing you trouble." Then she turned and slowly walked back the way she came, her head hung low. Stan felt a strange urge to go after her or call out to her, but he managed to contain himself.
There was a long moment of awkward silence, especially between Stan and Kyle. Stan really couldn't blame Kyle for being angry. He just wished he'd stop being angry at him. He didn't know Angela was going to follow them here!
"Well, I'm sure if we just avoid her we won't have a problem," Kenny muttered.
"Why did you tell her where we were going?" Kyle growled, ignoring Kenny.
"I was just trying to be friendly," Stan said, holding up his hands defensively. "I didn't think she was going to take that as an invitation to follow us!"
"Really? You know how crazy she is and that didn't cross your mind?" Cartman asked.
"You didn't think of it either," Stan snapped at him.
"Alright," Wendy said, standing up and getting in between them all. "What's done is done. She didn't seem to have any ill intentions. And what's the big deal if she's here? We'll be leaving soon anyway! Let's just continue to have a good time and not let her get in the way of our fun, ok? We can't let one little thing ruin our summer!"
Kyle let out a sigh. "Yeah, Wendy's right," he admitted. Wendy smiled at him.
"Aren't I always?" She replied. "Anyway, we should all probably get to bed. Something tells me that Mr. Marsh and Mr. Broflovski are going to want an early start tomorrow."
The others muttered their agreement and followed Wendy into the RV.
The next morning, as Wendy predicted, Randy and Gerald were annoyingly waking everyone up way too early. Because the author had forgotten to put it in any of the previous chapters, they were eager to go river rafting before they left for their next destination.
"And it's the best activity to do to when you want look like you're sporty, but don't want to do actual work," Randy said.
"Isn't river rafting considered an extreme sport though?" Stan asked with a yawn, still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
"Not this one," Randy told him. "This river flows nice and easy. We mentioned it in a previous chapter, remember?"
"Oh yeah," Stan muttered.
They all slowly got up and got dressed, except for Cartman, who seemed to be doing everything as quickly as possible. Gerald had gone on ahead to inquire about where to go and what do, as well as make arrangements for their rafting.
When he finally returned with the directions and… tickets? … he was not alone. And much to the teens' annoyance, the person he was with was Angela.
"Hey kids! Look who I ran into! One of your classmates!" Gerald announced happily. Angela was standing next to him and rubbing her arm awkwardly, not looking at any of them. "She said you were in school together, so I invited her to join us on our rafting trip!"
The response he got was not as enthusiastic as he thought it would be. Stan and Wendy were swapping uncomfortable looks, Kenny's eye was twitching, Kyle and Cartman were both glaring, Tweek was hiding behind Craig, who looked as unenthused as ever, and Butters was happily smiling like nothing was wrong.
"I don't think this is a good idea," Stan muttered.
"I didn't mean to intrude," Angela said. "I just said river rafting sounded like fun, so your dad invited me. I'm sorry."
"Aw, it's fine, young lady!" Randy said, whacking her on the back. "We have enough room for you! You don't have to worry about sinking us or anything."
"Well, if you're all sure," Angela said hopefully after recovering her footing.
"I'm not going anywhere near that bitch," Kyle hissed. "If she's going, then I'm staying here."
"Kyle! Where are your manners?" Gerald scolded. "Why would you be so rude to your friend here?"
"She's not my friend, dad," Kyle said, narrowing his eyes. "She's a bitch!"
Kenny opened his mouth point out that that was exactly what he had said about her the first time, but Stan didn't believe him, but wisely decided to stay quiet instead. Gerald was glaring down at his son.
"Kyle, you apologize to this nice young lady," he demanded.
"I'd rather die than ever apologize for what she did to me," he growled. "That bitch nearly ruined my life!"
"Come on, you're exaggerating," Gerald scoffed.
"She kissed me while she was going out with Stan, lied to him and said that I kissed her, did everything in her power to keep Stan away from us, and then when he finally wised up and dumped her, she tried to kill him!" Kyle replied, the growl still in his voice. Gerald blinked at him in shock for a moment before turning to Angela.
"Really?" He asked. Angela bowed her head.
"It's true," she replied. "B-But I've gotten better! I swear! I went to rehab and everything! I had a wonderful therapist, and she showed me the errors of my way!"
"Well then, that settles it," Randy said cheerfully. "Guess you're coming along then!"
Kyle narrowed his eyes at them before turning on his heel and storming back into the RV. Everyone gave each other awkward looks before someone finally spoke.
"I think I'll stay here with him," Kenny said nervously, starting to follow Kyle. "You know, make sure he's ok and everything."
"Good idea," Stan replied. He would have volunteered, but he was pretty sure that Kyle justifiably thought that this was all his fault. Somehow.
"I don't know about the rest of you, but that seemed kinda awkward to me," Butters said.
"Thank you, Butters," Cartman growled, rolling his eyes. "We couldn't tell."
So the group, with Angela in tow, made their way down to the rivers. Two large rafts were waiting for them, so they split up into two groups. Randy, Stan, Wendy, Cartman and Angela took one of the rafts, while Gerald, Tweek, Craig and Butters took the other.
Randy had been right about the river being nice and relaxing. Stan only had move his oar occasionally in order to steer, but for the most part, they could just sit back and relax. That didn't mean that the ride was any less awkward.
"Where have you guys been so far on your trip?" Angela asked, trying to break the tension.
"Vegas, mostly," Wendy replied, keeping her tone light. "But we were at the Grand Canyon and the Hoover Dam for a bit as well."
"A big hole, a wall and a city that smells like failure," Cartman summarized with a growl. "So much fun." Angela giggled in a way that made Cartman hate her more.
"That is quite a way to describe them," she said. "I didn't know you could be so funny, Eric!" He shot her a side glare but didn't answer. She continued on talking. "Your friends told me how much you've changed over the past four years. If you don't mind me saying so, I'm really happy for you! That must have been a lot of work!"
"Yeah, we're still shocked about it," Stan joked with a grin.
"And yet, you're still the same asshole, Stan," Cartman shot back at him. Stan gave him the middle finger as Angela giggled again.
"You're not trying to impress anyone, are you?" She asked him. He whipped around to glare at her. She put her hands up defensively, shock on her face. "I'm sorry," she said quickly. "Just a little joke! I think it's awesome when someone improves themselves for no other reason than because they want to!" Cartman narrowed his eyes at her.
"You don't know anything about me," he growled.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry," she replied. "I mean, I changed for the same reasons, after all."
She's doing this on purpose, I swear, Cartman thought angrily. He had never stopped to wonder if Angela had been aware of his crush on Kyle when they had first crossed paths. He had just assumed that all of her thoughts had been focused on breaking Kyle and Stan up that he never considered the possibility.
She didn't look sinister right now, just giving him sad puppy dog eyes. Not that he fell for any of that. If Kyle didn't trust her, then neither did he. Plain and simple. And even if she didn't know about his feelings, then she definitely remembered him sabotaging her plans every chance he got. Right?
"Come on, Eric, cheer up!" Wendy insisted, turning to look at him. "Don't make me give you 'The Look.'" Cartman stared at her.
"No! Not The Look!" He gasped. "You know none of us can defend against it!"
Ever since "The Incident," Wendy had been slowly integrated into Stan's friend group to the point that the four of them hardly did anything without her (canonical episodes not counting). When Stan had broken her heart by going out with Angela, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman had made it their mission to include her in any activity they did to try and cheer her up. That hadn't gone away after Angela left.
Now she knew her boys so well that she could give them one look to make them smile again. All she had to do was give them a giant-eyed, pouty lipped, puffy cheeked, puppy dog face and after a few moments, whoever she was giving The Look to would crack into a grin. Not because they ever bought it, but because it was so over-the-top silly that they couldn't help but laugh at it.
It was "The Look" she was giving Cartman at that moment and it quickly reduced him into the quivering mass of giggles previously mentioned.
"Curse you, Wendy!" He laughed while still trying to be angry. The others laughed as well. Randy blinked at them in confusion.
"I don't get it," he stated. Wendy whipped around, keeping The Look on her face. "Ah! No! It's too much!" And he crumbled to the floor of the raft.
The mood lightened considerably, though Cartman was still angry that Angela was there and trying to pry into his personal life. On the other hand, he could take solace in the fact that she was here, and not with Kyle. And it wasn't like she could do any damage with Cartman and his friends around.
Stan was just about to change the subject and talk about how pleasant the river ride had been when Gerald's group paddled quickly passed them. Tweek and Butters were paddling like crazy with Butters shouting "We're winning!" as they passed. Gerald was standing on the front, pointing heroically forward. Randy stared at them in shock.
"Are they… racing us?" He asked. "Without telling us?" All four of their friends turned and made mocking faces at Randy's group. He growled and grabbed one of the panels. "Oh, it is on now, Gerald! Kids! Get rowing!"
There was a scramble for oars and then they were racing after the other boat. They slowly gained on the other boat, though it was hard considering the other group had Tweek with them, who Stan always said was secretly Quick Silver in disguise.
The two rafts continued down the river, neck in neck, coming into some slightly rough waters (and by rough, I mean there were actually waves now! Ooo!). Stan felt his arms starting to ache and occasionally droplets of water would splash at his feet. So exciting. It was the equivalent of those little baby boats at amusement parks.
Eventually, they made it out of the "rough" waters and back onto smooth territory. The two boats went slower now as everyone collectively sighed with relief. Stan stretched his limbs before turning to make sure his friends and Angela were ok as well. His heart plummeted when he suddenly realized something. There was someone missing.
"Wait a minute," he said. "Where's Cartman?"
Sorry this took so long. My dad died of a heart attack the day before Thanksgiving. I still can't believe he's gone. I always thought I would be in my fifties before my parents left the world. He was perfectly healthy, but he was taken away from me in a single moment. I'm still having troubles with it. I urge every single one of you to please make sure to never take your loved ones for granted. You never know when they might be taken from you. Make sure they know how much you love them.