Alex did some sightseeing around London and decided to take a trolley at night. "Welcome to the Knight Bus, emergency transport for those drunk as fuck and have lost their way," the conductor said.
"I'm not really lost," Alex told him.
"I don't give a shit. Come on, get in," the conductor said impatiently.
Inside the trolley were people already sleeping, totally intoxicated. Alex awkwardly went to the front. "What did you say your name was?" the conductor asked as the trolley started moving.
"I didn't," Alex said dryly.
"Where are you wanting to go?" the conductor asked.
"Leaky Cauldron, it's a bar, I think," Alex said.
As it happened, the trolley conductor was not the best driver. He drove around London streets like a madman, nearly hitting several cars, and running over an old grandma trying to cross the street. Alex braced herself as the trolley came to an abrupt stop. Once the old granny was across the street, the conductor took off at full speed again.
Alex looked up and saw the news on a video screen. "Who is that?" she asked of a Most Wanted criminal escapee.
"That's Serious Black. He's a murderer. Got himself locked up in Abkhazia for it," the conductor said.
"How did he escape?" Alex asked.
"That's the question. He's the first one to do it. Some say he got help from the inside," the conductor said. The trolley came to an abrupt stop at the bar. "We're here."
"That was the worst trolley ride I've ever had, thank you," Alex said and then quickly exited. Brainiac 5 then greeted her at the entrance.
"Kara has been expecting you," he said.
"I didn't tell her...fuck it," Alex said as she realized she was under constant surveillance.
Brainiac 5 escorted Alex to the second floor of the bar, where they met Kara. "It's my duty as Supreme Leader to inform you that running around London in the dark is very irresponsible. We have a killer on the loose."
"Serious Black. What does he have to do with me?" Alex questioned.
"Nothing, of course. You're safe, and that's all that matters. And tomorrow you'll be on your way to Edinburgh," Kara said.
"You know...I wouldn't have even known about Serious Black or cared about him, but now that you're all uptight about him, I think I want to catch him," Alex said ambitiously.
"God damn it," Kara sighed.
The next day, Alex met up with Ron and Harriet on the first floor of the bar. Ron showed some videos of himself and his family in front of the pyramids. "Egypt? What was it like?" Alex asked him.
"Well, the whole area was nuked to fucking kingdom come in the world wars, so everything is a replica. But that's good because then we can see mummies and artifacts without worrying about damaging the originals," Ron said.
"So, none of the originals are left?" Alex asked disappointedly.
"What's left got deposited in England, where it will be safe from civil wars, terrorists, robbers, and religious fanatics," Ron said. Alex wasn't sure she approved, but then Fred, George, Molly, and Arthur Weagan entered the room.
"Can I have a word, Alex?" Arthur asked informally.
"Sure," Alex said and followed him to the other side of the bar.
"I'm not supposed to disclose this information, but you should be aware of all the facts. You are in danger, grave danger," Arthur said seriously.
"Story of my life," Alex rolled her eyes. "Serious Black, I assume."
"What do you know of him?" Arthur asked.
"Just that he escaped from Abkhazia," Alex shrugged.
"Eleven seasons ago, the Supreme Leader and the Dark Lord contested ownership of this planet. Serious Black was on the side of the Dark Lord and was responsible for a mass killing terrorist attack in London. When the Supreme Leader came out victorious, Black lost everything, but he still remains a faithful servant of the Dark Lord. And, in his mind, you are the only thing that will give the Dark Lord the edge in taking over this planet. And that is why he has escaped from Abkhazia," Arthur explained.
"Not because it's a shitty prison in a shitty country?" Alex asked.
"To find you and maybe kill you," Arthur said. "Don't go looking for Black."
"Well, now that the idea has popped into my head, that's going to be a tall order," Alex said, instantly intrigued.
Later that day, Alex, Ron, and Harriet got on the train to Edinburgh and entered a train car. There was an older man already there. "Who's this guy?" Ron asked.
"It's Brin Londo, a Vindicator," Alex identified.
"How do you know?" Ron asked, spooked.
"His name is on the briefcase, idiot," Harriet scolded.
"Is he really asleep?" Ron wondered apprehensively.
"What's your deal, Ron?" Alex asked impatiently.
"He's a fucking werewolf," Ron whispered.
"That's racist," Harriet scolded.
"He's a Zunnian, a wolf shapeshifter. It's different," Alex explained.
"So, like Native Americans," Ron assumed.
"That's also racist," Harriet scolded.
"Pray to God, he can't hear you," Alex said, silencing him.
Soon thereafter, the train came to a stop. A group of Titan witches entered the train wearing black cloaks and veils over their faces. They were of the Sedi Order. One witch telekinetically opened their train car, sensed their thoughts, and left. In the process, Alex blacked out as the Titan witch had invaded her mind more than the others.
"What the fuck?" Alex muttered as she awoke.
"Alex, are you alright?" Harriet asked concernedly.
"Here, eat some of this. It's chocolate," Brin said to Alex and gave her a brownie.
Alex quickly realized the brownie was laced with THC. "Who was that?" she asked, instantly high.
"A Sedi, part of the Imperial Intelligence Bureau. She's gone now," Brin told her. "She was searching the train for Serious Black. I'm going to have a word with the conductor," he said, and then took off.
"What happened to me?" Alex wondered.
"You looked like you were having a fit or something," Ron said.
"And did either of you pass out?" Alex asked, suddenly feeling insecure.
"No. It felt weird, though," Ron said, wide-eyed.
"I heard the cry of a bird in my head," Alex said, uncertain of what it could be.
At the Imperial Academy castle, Alex watched a brilliant performance by a cadet choir and their oversized chirping frogs being conducted by a midget. "What the fuck is going on?" Alex asked wide-eyed, still high from the THC brownie.
"Welcome to another month at the Imperial Academy of Edinburgh. Yes, I got an anti-aging treatment at a spa, got jacked in the gym, and styled my hair over the week, which is why I look radically different from before. I'm also perpetually pissed off and horny due to my testosterone supplements. Nobody better call me fucking Santa Clause again," he warned.
"I am pleased to welcome Professor Brin Londo, who has kindly consented to filling the post of the Defense Against the Woke Arts. Good luck, professor, the last two shattered into ice shards and got crushed by boulders," Professor Tumbledoor said warmly.
"The one that gave you a marijuana brownie was your Anti-Woke teacher, Alex," Harriet smiled, amused.
"Maybe he won't be as bad as the others," Alex figured.
"Is it true you fainted like a bitch?" Drake asked Alex where he was at the Marine table.
"Shut your hole, Monroe," Ron told him off.
"I am now being told that we will be hosting the Titan Sedi Order until Serious Black has been captured. The Sedi will be stationed at every entrance to the grounds. Now, while I have been assured their presence will not interfere with our day-to-day operations, I am confident that's bullshit. Sedi are dangerous aliens. They do not distinguish the difference between who they hunt and who gets in their way. Therefore, I warn you all to say the fuck out of their way. It's not in the nature of the Sedi to be forgiving. But remember this: We only turn the light on when it gets really dark, because sometimes we just let the room get dark gradually in twilight, because we're too lazy to get up and flip the switch," Professor Tumbledoor concluded.
Alex eyed several male cadets in the Navy dormitory common room, imitating animal noises. Seamen was a monkey, Neville was an elephant, and Ron was a lion. "What the fuck?" Alex shook her head, dismayed.
"Come on, Alex. It's foreshadowing," Ron told her.
"Foreshadowing what?" Alex scoffed.
The next morning, Alex went to her Divination class hosted by Nura Nal. "In this class, we shall determine if you possess the sight. Together, we shall cast ourselves into the future, into the dream world. Now, drink this tea," Nura told her class. "The truth lies, buried like a sentence in a book, waiting to be read. You must broaden your mind. You must look beyond."
"This is bullshit," Harriet doubted.
"Neville, is your grandmother well?" Nura asked.
"I think so," he said apprehensively.
"Well, I think not. Prepare emergency leave paperwork immediately," Nura ordered.
"Oh, shit, oh, fuck, oh, shit!" Neville said and then ran out of the class.
Alex took a sip of the tea and noticed quickly that it was laced with LSD. "Drugged again," she sighed.
Ron was already wide-eyed and freaking out. "I can see my aura. I can taste colors," he said excitedly.
Alex had trained herself to deal with LSD and wasn't nearly as affected. Nura went over to her. "I sense grave danger in your future, a bad omen, a black dog," she said to her.
"How ominous," Alex rolled her eyes.
After class, Alex, Ron, and Harriet walked about outside, still high as fuck. "Do you think the omen of the black dog has anything to do with Serious Black?" Ron asked Alex.
"Well...no shit," Alex said obviously.
"Divination is crap. Now, ancient runes, that's interesting," Harriet said.
"It is a bit unreliable," Alex allowed, referring to her time with Nia.
"Why are we having to go down this hill to get to Barney's cottage? Wasn't it level with the castle?" Ron asked as they hiked down.
"Maybe it's a different cottage," Alex shrugged.
"But it's not," Harriet disagreed.
"Are we that high...that we think we're hiking down when we're not?" Ron wondered.
"Yeah...I was thinking the same thing," Alex admitted.
The three made their way to Brainiac 5's cottage with the rest of the class. There, Brainiac 5 led the class into the forest where they encountered another cloned abomination he had created.
"Drones teaching classes now? Wait until my father hears about this. Drones are even beneath the enlisted," Drake said, in the company of Gargoyle and Crab.
"Shut the fuck up, Monroe," Alex told him off.
"Oh, look, it's a Sedi Witch!" he exclaimed, pointing behind her.
Alex didn't move in the slightest with a bored expression on her face. There was a long, awkward silence between them. Drake frowned, not getting the result he had hoped for. "You, done?" Alex mocked.
"One day they will be behind you, and you'll be sorry," Drake promised.
"Behold!" Brainiac 5 interrupted. "What science has done," he said of the creature. The class gave a stupefied expression as they saw some kind of griffin horse creature. It had the frame and back legs of a horse. Its front legs were bird talons, and the wings, tail, and face were those of a bird.
"What the fuck is that?" Ron asked, wide-eyed.
"I call it a Hippogriff," Brainiac 5 replied. "Now, who would like to greet him? Alex? Thanks for volunteering."
"Shit," Alex realized as everyone else had taken a step back behind her.
"Give him a bow, if he bows back, you can touch him," Brainiac 5 instructed.
"And if he charges me?" Alex asked.
"We'll get to it when it happens," Brainiac 5 said unconcernedly.
"Fuck me," Alex muttered as she got closer to the thing. The hippogriff screeched at and snapped at her.
Harriet instinctively grabbed Ron's arm. "Nice, this means I have a girlfriend and am going to get laid," Ron said, pleased. Harriet immediately released her hold on him.
Alex did a bow, feeling like a total idiot. The hippogriff was impressed and bowed as well. Brainiac 5 then gave the hippogriff some dead rodents to snack on. Alex finally reached out and petted the genetically engineered creature. "Now, you may go ride him now," Brainiac 5 said.
"Wait...what?" Alex asked as Brainiac 5 lifted her up and put her on the Hippogriff's back. "No, I don't swing that way," Alex shouted as the hippogriff ran off with her and flew off.
The hippogriff flew over the trees, around the castle, and then over the lake. The hippogriff got low on the lake with its talons touching the water. Alex could see her reflection as she rode the abomination to nature. The hippogriff then flew back to the class in the forest. "Well done," Brainiac 5 complimented Alex.
"You're not dangerous at all, you dumb as fuck shit-bird," Drake insulted as he advanced on the hippogriff. The hippogriff didn't take too kindly to that and attacked Drake with his talons, ripping his arm open.
"Holy shit," Alex said amazed but secretly pleased.
"I'll be taking him to the hospital. The rest of you, get acquainted with Buckbeak on your own," Brainiac 5 said, and then took Drake away.
That evening, Drake recounted his war story with Buckbeak to his fellow Marines. His arm had been instantly healed at the infirmary. "That guy is really thick," Ron remarked.
"Too bad Barney sees and records everything and can't be fired," Alex said dryly.
"General Monroe is reportedly furious, though," Harriet brought up.
"Serious Black has been sighted!" Seamen shouted, waving his smartphone for everyone to see the news article.
"That's in Dufftown, not far from here," Harriet said.
"You don't think he will come here, do you?" Neville asked, scared shit-less.
"Neville, you're a Navy cadet. Act like it," Alex scolded. "Besides, every entrance is guarded by the Sedi."
"Trying to catch Serious Black is like trying to catch black smoke in your black hands in the blackest night," a black-skinned cadet said anxiously.
"Well...shit," Alex said, realizing that Black was after her.
After lunch, the Navy cadets went to their Defense Against the Woke Arts class with Brin Londo. In front of them was a closet. "Intriguing, isn't it?" Brin said as the closet shook continuously. "Looks like someone is trying to get out of the closet...but just can't do it yet," Brin said. "Now, who wants to guess what is inside?"
"A buggar?" one cadet said.
"Very good," Brin said, pleased.
"Jesus Christ," Alex muttered and buckled up for this lesson.
"Now, does anyone know what a buggar looks like?" Brin asked.
"No one knows. They take on the feminine attire of the culture they happen to reside in," Harriet said. "That's what makes them so...,"
"Terrifying," Brin finished for her. "Luckily, a very simple word can repel a buggar. After me, Ridiculous."
"Ridiculous," the class all said together.
"Very good. So much for the easy part, but the word is not enough. What really finishes a buggar is laughter. You need to point at it and laugh. Neville, come join me," Brin said.
Neville apprehensively went forward. "Now, when I open that closet...say the word, point, and laugh," Brin instructed. "Pistols at the ready," he said to the rest of the class. The entire class took out their pistols and pointed them at the closet.
"Holy shit," Alex said amazed, declining to do so.
Brin opened the closet, and immediately a buggar came out wearing women's clothing from the early 1900s. "Ridiculous," Neville shouted, pointed, and then laughed. The buggar was taken aback, not sure how to handle that.
"Alright, form a line, everyone will get their chance," Brin said.
"This is...kind of fucked up," Alex muttered as she was in the back of the line.
As the cadets hurled insults at the buggar, it would change its appearance each time. He became a female drive-thru food worker on skates from the 50's era, a woman wrapped in green leather that resembled a snake, and a demonic-looking clown. When it came to Alex, the buggar turned into a female Nazi soldier. Brin stepped in front of the buggar just in time before real controversy could arise. Immediately, the buggar became a female furry resembling a wolf. Brin then shut the program off, and the buggar was gone.
That afternoon, the cadets were allowed to go to the nearby town of Hogsmeade. "Going to Hogsmeade is a privilege, not a right. Don't fuck this up or you won't be allowed to go again," Professor McGone warned.
However, only cadets with parental permission slips signed were allowed to go. Alex protested to Professor McGone on this point. "Both my parents are dead, and I'm a grown-ass adult. I'm married with a kid of my own. This is bullshit."
"I'm sorry, Olsen. Since I am neither your parents nor your guardian, I can't sign it," she said.
"I get that you can't sign it. How about waive it," Alex said impatiently.
"I don't have that authority. You're staying here. That's my final word," Professor McGone shot down and walked off. Ron and Harriet reluctantly left without her.
Alex decided to hang out with Brin on a bridge overlooking the lake connected to the castle. "It's an elaborate way of keeping me in the castle so Serious Black doesn't get to me," Alex assumed.
"I'm impressed you caught on that quickly," Brin said dryly.
"So, the rest of the cadets can get fucked?" Alex wondered. "We're not entirely sure he's after me, specifically, or won't kill scores of cadets as he waits to get to me."
"That is very wise," Brin agreed.
"When I encountered the Sedi Witch, I heard the scream of a bird. It's the Phoenix within me," Alex said anxiously.
"You remind me of your sister. It's your eyes. Not the color, of course, but the intensity. Your sister was there for me at a time no one else was. Not only was she a gifted superhero, but she was also uncommonly kind. She had a way of seeing the beauty in others, even, most especially, what that person is covered in fur. She also had a tendency to get herself into trouble. A talent she passed on to you. Not biologically speaking, but through shared experience," Brin said reflectively.
"Kara and I are worlds apart," Alex denied.
"You're more alike than you realize. In time, you'll come to see how much. You two are two sides of the same coin," Brin said.
As soon as everyone came back in the evening, the castle's security system sounded the alarm. Serious Black was somewhere in the castle. The castle's doors were locked, and every window was sealed. The cadets were all placed in the dining hall for accountability, and the staff thoroughly searched the castle. For Alex, sleeping was a bit difficult with a hologram of the night sky on the ceiling blighting everything up and staff coming and going. Alex listened in as Professor Tumbledoor and Professor Nape talked shit about Brin as a possible suspect of letting Black inside.
Increasing the suspicion, Professor Nape took over for Brin in the following day's class. He concealed his giddiness well as he had coveted the anti-woke post for years and was always denied. "Where's Professor Londo?" Alex asked.
"Not really your concern, Olsen. Suffice it to say, your teacher is not able to teach at the present time. However, to make my colleague look as guilty as possible, we're going to study furries. Now, which one of you can tell me the difference between a furry and a werewolf?" Professor Nape asked.
"A furry is one that elects to appear as an animal, while a werewolf has no choice," Harriet answered.
"It would appear only Miss Rangers knows anything about the subject. Everyone else but Miss Ranger is to write a two-page paper on furries and how to identify them," Professor Nape ordered.
The class groaned and gave Harriet a dirty look. "But we have Horseballs," Alex brought up.
"I don't give a shit," Professor Nape shot down. "There are many ways to end up a furry. Demographically, they tend to be males in their teens to mid-twenties. They have above-average school performance, an interest in computers and science, and a passion for video games, science fiction, fantasy, and anime. Less typical, however, is the fandom's queer demographics: Furries are seven times more likely than the general population to identify as transgender and about five times more likely to identify as non-heterosexual," he said and gave Alex a glance.
"In my experience, furries dress up not for sexual gratification but as self-expression and performance," Alex said defensively.
"That's very interesting, Olsen, but I find your experience to be a thousand years out of date. Wouldn't you agree?" he asked her condescendingly. "Now, there is a sub-section of furries called Therians who do feel they're an animal spirit trapped in the body of a human. The reason we're discussing this subject is that Serious Black is suspected of being one of them."
On the Horseballs field, Alex was soaked from the windy rain. Despite the poor conditions, the stadium was still packed. It was Navy Vs Army this time. Also, in attendance were Sedi Witches. Alex was right on the golden snitch was she suddenly felt a Sedi Witch invade her mind. She blacked out and fell off her horse with a thud.
Alex was taken to the infirmary. Ron, Fred, George, Neville, and Harriet were all there as she awoke. "What happened?" Alex asked, feeling sore.
"You fell off your horse," Ron said, obviously.
"Well...no shit," Alex said painfully as she sat up. "Who won?"
"No one blames you, Alex," Harriet said delicately.
"So...?" Alex wondered.
"The Sedi Witches aren't supposed to be on school grounds. Tumbledoor was furious and sent them away," Harriet further explained.
"So...," Alex pressed.
"Your horse broke its neck, and they had to put him down," Ron brought up.
"Damn," Alex sighed. "So, did we win or not?"
Alex and Brin walked about the forest, still on the grounds. "Sorry to hear about your horse," Brin said sympathetically.
"Why do the Sedi affect me so? I mean, more than anyone else?" Alex asked.
"The Sedi are the foulest creatures in the galaxy. They feed on every good feeling, every happy memory, invade your privacy, and control your mind. You are not weak, Alex," Brin assured her.
"I didn't think I was," Alex said, annoyed.
"The Sedi affect you most of all because of all the cadets you have the most fucked-up history. There are true horrors in your past. You lost your father as a teenager; you went through four seasons of murder and corruption in high school and then experienced even more fucked-up things while working for the DEO. Then, you came to this time and experienced even more fucked up things. And all the while, you have to suffer being queer," Brin explained. "You have nothing to be ashamed of...except that last bit."
"I'm scared. Not of the Sedi but myself. I need to be able to fight them off consciously, so I don't unconsciously lose control and lash out," Alex said seriously. "You sent one away. How did you do it?"
"That was only one," Brin downplayed.
"That's one more than me," Alex pointed out.
"Alright, I'll teach you," Brin agreed.
The next day, it was a blizzard because...Scotland. The cadets were allowed to go to Hogsmeade again, except for Alex. Fred and George took pity on her and took her aside. "We hacked into the castle's security system. With this Marauder's Map program, you'll know the location of whomever you want to know inside the castle," Fred told her.
"Why would I want this?" Alex asked, confused.
"So, you can know where the staff are at all times and know when and where to avoid them," George said, obviously. "For example, you can see Tumbledoor in his office, pacing back and forth."
"Interesting tech, why do you two have this?" Alex asked incredulously.
"There are seven major passageways out of the castle. We recommend the one-eyed monster one," Fred said seriously.
"The password is 'mischief manage'," George told her. "Otherwise, anyone can read it."
Alex snuck out of the castle and entered a brewery at Hogsmeade using her cloak. After doing some recon in the town, Alex found Ron and Harriet just outside the town, looking at some real estate. Just as Ron attempted to make a move, Drake, Gargoyle, and Crab came by to block his cock. "Little ambitious for your family, don't you think? You are poor, right? Doesn't your whole family sleep in one room?"
"Shut your mouth, Monroe," Ron shot back.
"I think it's time we taught Weagan to respect his superiors," Drake said arrogantly, ready to pick an uneven fight.
"You can't mean yourself, right?" Harriet mocked.
"How dare you talk to me, with your servant parents, who got their hands filthy...building and manufacturing things," Drake said lamely.
Drake and his two cronies suddenly got shot down by stun blasts. Alex took off her cloak, revealing herself.
The three then went back into town, where it was still snowing hard. "Why didn't they give me the map? What the hell?" Ron wondered.
"You should turn it in to Professor McGone," Harriet said, being a tool.
"I don't think I will," Alex decided.
As it happened, Kara and Professor McGone entered a pub and went to the second floor to have a chat with the town mayor, who also happened to own the pub. Using her invisibility cloak, Alex followed them to the second floor to spy on them. "No one is going to get drunk as fuck in my pub scared out of their wits by this Serious Black. Now, you have Sedi Witches around here. What the fuck is really going on here?"
Kara eyed Alex's position as if sensing something, and then turned to the mayor as she got herself a drink. "Serious Black, that's not even his real name, is a special agent I brought in to test the Imperial Academy's security system. He was given this cover story about his connection to the bombing ten years ago and how he was sent to prison in Abkhazia."
"So, there's no danger?" the mayor asked incredulously.
"Nope. I'm amazed the Sedi failed to find him. He even managed to get inside the castle itself. That's wild," Kara said, disappointed.
"And, of course, your sister is busy trying to crack the case," Professor McGone smirked.
"Preventing her from going to Hogsmeade when you knew the threat didn't really exist was a bitch move," Kara chuckled. "Cadets needing permission slips from their parents? That's a good one."
Alex exited Hogsmeade and went back to the castle, slightly peeved. She met with Ron and Harriet in the woods out of sight and removed her cloak. "What happened?" Harriet asked her, seeing her somber expression.
"This has been a whole waste of time. Kara is merely toying with us. Serious Black is a special agent sent here to test the school's security," Alex explained.
"Well, that's great," Ron said, relieved.
"I'm going to catch the son-of-a-bitch," Alex said ambitiously.
That night, Alex studied the map on her Marauder program. She saw the usual individuals walking about the castle corridors, but an unknown signature appeared. Figuring the unknown signature was Serious Black, Alex got up and went after him. Alex cautiously went down the halls with her pistol ready and followed the unknown signature as it came closer to her. The unknown signature then went past her and down the other corridor.
"The fuck?" Alex wondered as she looked around.
Suddenly, she was ambushed by Professor Nape with a pistol in her face. "Olsen, what are you doing strutting around the castle at this late hour?"
"I was sleepwalking," Alex said lamely.
"That sounds like bullshit. Turn out your pockets," he ordered.
Alex complied and handed over the datapad. "Password?" he demanded.
"Yeah, no," Alex refused.
"Insolent little...," Professor Nape said pissed off.
"Professor!" Brin interrupted.
"I have just collected a curious datapad. It's password protected," Professor Nape said, handing it over to him.
"Surely, students have a right to privacy on their electronic devices. I'll take care of this," Brin said and then took Alex with him to his office.
"What is this about?" Brin asked as they entered his office.
"It's an app that tracks the movements of everyone in the castle. I was following an unknown signature. Serious Black is here; I know it," Alex said.
"How did you acquire this app?" Brin asked curiously.
"I'm not going to snitch," Alex refused.
"We could have worked on this together. What would happen if Serious Black got hold of this? It would lead him to you. Wandering the castle at night, unprotected, with a killer on the loose is a bad idea," Brin said seriously.
"The gig is up. I know Serious Black is just a special agent. What does he have to do? Tag me and he's won the war game?" Alex rolled her eyes.
"Where did you hear that?" Brin asked, surprised.
"I overheard Kara with McGone at a pub in Hogsmeade," Alex said.
"But you're not supposed to leave the castle," Brin said, confused.
"I know, right?" Alex nodded.
There was a long, awkward silence between them. "Okay, well, go straight to your dormitory. I'll know if you take a detour," Brin said and then entered the password on the datapad.
Alex gave a dismayed look, not realizing Brin would know the password, too. Defeated, she went back to her dormitory.
The next day, Alex and Ron were bored silly with Divination. "Broaden your puny, primitive, human minds and look beyond," Nura said.
"Let me try," Harriet said and closed her eyes. "Nothing, I got nothing," she said sarcastically.
"Harriet, the moment you stepped foot in my class, I sensed you didn't possess the proper spirit for the noble art of Divination. You may be young in years, but your heart is as shriveled as an old maid's, your soul as dry as the pages of the books you so desperately cleave to," Nura mocked.
"Damn," Alex frowned.
Insulted, Harriet took off out of the classroom. "That was wicked," Ron smiled immaturely.
"You're never going to get in her pants if you don't defend her," Alex lectured.
"But she's mental," Ron excused.
"Especially when a woman is mental," Alex told him.
Nura then grabbed Alex by the shoulder and looked as if to be in a trance. "He will return tonight."
"Say what?" Alex asked, confused.
"Tonight, he who betrayed his friends, whose heart rots with murder, shall break free. Innocent blood shall be spilt, and servant and master shall be united once more," Nura told her.
"Cate Blanchett did it better in a superior franchise," Alex mocked.
"You know better than to reference a film superior to the one you're in, Alex," Nura scolded.
"Well, I've assessed the situation and I'm leaving to prepare," Alex said and took off.
That afternoon, Alex was a little nervous about Nura's prophecy, so she decided to have a sandwich with the executioner who was wearing a hood and sharpening a big-ass ax. "So, I don't know, she says, 'Move your skulls to the basement, cuz I got these drapes.' I don't even get that. I tell her, 'Honey, this is work, '" the executioner complained.
"Are you serious?" Alex asked, shocked and appalled.
"I tell her I can't put them in the basement, but she just keeps bitching me out. So, I tell her, fine, I'll do it, I'll put them in the basement, and I start doing it one skull at a time to see how she'll react," the executioner continued.
"Right," Alex nodded.
"And she's like, can you put a tarp over them while you're at it," the executioner added.
"Oh, hell no," Alex shook her head.
"I tell her no. I'm not going to put a tarp over these things," the executioner refused.
"That's your skull collection, man," Alex agreed.
"I know, right? I worked hard to get these skulls, worked hard to clean them. Fine, I'll put them in the basement, but why cover them? What's the point of covering them? If I can't display them, what's the point of acquiring them? No fucking way," the executioner stood his ground.
"Right on, man, of course," Alex said supportively.
"Then, because the ceiling has a terrible paint job, I offer to cover it with my own blood. She's like, 'Are you fucking crazy,' and I'm like, 'No, I see the problem, this is the solution,'" the executioner said exasperatedly.
"If it's no one thing, it's another, and everything has to go her way," Alex nodded. "I got one at home just like her. And, I have a kid now."
"That's a whole other set of bullshit I'm sure," the executioner said knowingly.
"I have this whole collection of Space Marines, entire sets, but she doesn't want them next to the baby. She says the baby will try to eat them and choke or poke her eye out with the sharp edges. But they're all on a shelf, which I built, far above the bedframe," Alex brought up.
"Just a lack of appreciation for cool things. So ridiculous," the executioner agreed. "Well, off to work I go," the executioner got up and went off to execute Buckbeak for fucking Drake up.
"Tell your wife this skull is special. You're keeping it," Alex advised.
"Will do," the executioner said as he left the scene.
Ron and Harriet then met up with Alex as she finished her sandwich. "What do we do now? They're going to execute Buckbeak," Harriet said, distressed.
"And his sacrifice will not be in vain," Alex said unconcernedly.
"But it's cruel. He did nothing wrong," Harriet said.
"It puts all the staff in one place so we can track down Serious Black. Tonight, he will try to attack me," Alex said knowingly.
"But where?" Ron asked.
"I have an idea," Alex said confidently.
The three headed toward the evil willow tree that guarded the grounds. At the base of the tree was a small opening but to get to it one had to avoid lethal as fuck swinging branches. "How are we going to get past the tree's defenses?" Ron asked.
"Like this," Alex said, obviously, and fired her pistol at it. The tree was immediately in flames. The pissed off tree threw its branches around but the three were out of range. Alex fired more shots at it until it was a smoldering husk.
"That's Professor Tumbledoor's favorite tree. We are so fucked," Ron said, freaking out.
"I'll remind you that I killed a teacher and a giant-ass snake already," Alex said unconcernedly.
The three went inside the tree trunk and found a passageway to a rundown shack outside the school grounds. "Serious Black has been using this tree to get in and out of the school grounds this entire time," Alex figured. "This must be his base of operations."
"What if this is a trap?" Ron asked apprehensively.
"Ron, don't be a bitch," Alex scolded him.
The three cleared the shack, finding nothing. Alex looked around and noticed a lone rat. Instinctively, she pointed her pistol at it and fired a couple of stun shots at it. The rat tried to get away and was finally hit. Upon being hit, it transformed back into a humanoid. The humanoid appeared as a lion-looking beast. "Oh, wow, he is so hawt," Harriet said of him.
Alex and Ron gave her an odd look. "What the fuck?" Alex then turned to the humanoid lion. "Serious Black, I presume," she said, and then stunned him to the floor with her pistol. Alex switched her pistol to kill and aimed for his head.
"You going to kill me, Alex?" Serious Black laughed insanely.
Alex was about to pull the trigger when Brin barged in and fired his stun gun at Alex, sending her pistol flying.
"Well, well, aren't you looking fucked up, Ennis. Finally, the flesh reflects the madness within," Brin noted.
"Well, you'd know all about that, wouldn't you, Brin?" Ennis shot back.
Brin lowered his pistol, gave Ennis a hand. The two embraced, kissed each other on each cheek, and gave each other a friendly butt squeeze. As Brin and Ennis had their weird-ass reunion, Alex slowly picked up her pistol and then blasted Brin across the room with a stun blast.
"You just attacked a teacher!" Harriet said, stunned.
"Yeah, whatever," Alex said indifferently. "How I wished it would be me who caught you."
"You've come to the wrong conclusion, Alex," Ennis said defensively.
"Have I?" Alex said as she switched her pistol to kill mode. "When I listened in on Kara and McGone, it became obvious to me that Kara knew I was in the room. So, she gave that BS story about this being an elaborate war game. You see, she might not have been able to see me, but she can still hear and smell a cloaked person. The war-game is just her way of covering her ass. You are a murdering terrorist for real, and I'm going to bring you to justice."
"You're being a fool, Alex," Ennis told her.
"I could do it, you know. But why deny the Sedi? They're so longing to see you. Do I detect a flicker of fear, oh, yes, the Sedi Mind Rape. I can only imagine what that must be like. It's said to be nearly unbearable to watch, but I'll do my best," Alex said fiercely. "After you," she said, leading him out of the shack and the destroyed tree.
"Anything but the Sedi. I could be your pet," Ennis said to Ron. "Sweet, clever girl, surely you won't...," he said to Harriet.
"Shut the fuck up and move," Alex ordered him toward the castle.
"You know, you really are the bitch everyone says you are," Ennis said spitefully. "Speaking of which...,"
Alex suddenly felt weird as her hands morphed into paws. She dropped her pistol on the ground as she could no longer hold it properly. Her nails became claws, and thick black fur began to grow quickly. "My power is not only to become any animal but to transform anyone else into an animal just by thinking it," Ennis revealed.
Alex tried to grab him, but her legs were quickly morphing. She fell to the ground on all fours. "That's right, on all fours you go. Now maybe I'll make you my pet," Ennis mocked.
Alex snarled at him as her jaw pushed out into a snout. Her face began to morph into that of a dog, with her ears becoming pointed, her teeth becoming canine, and her nose turning black. Alex's human frame became smaller as it morphed into that of a dog. Her muscles became smaller but denser. Her dull human senses became more attuned, giving her night vision, decent hearing, and super-smell. Her tailbone extended out into a furry tail. As her body became covered in black fur, she shook her loose clothes off. Alex attempted to speak, but only barks came out. It was then that her mind lost itself to the instincts of the dog.
Alex lost interest in Ennis as she snarled and barked at Ron and Harriet. "This isn't you, Alex. Remember the woman you truly are. The heart is where you truly live," Harriet told her.
Alex wasn't convinced and howled at the moon. Ennis then took off, taking the form of a rat. "He's getting away!" Ron shouted and tried to get after him. Alex took Ron to the ground by his leg and bit him hard. Brin suddenly appeared and knocked Alex off of Ron. With Brin in his wolf form, the two battled it out with biting and clawing at each other. Brin took hold of Alex and tossed her against a rock to stun her. With superior strength, Brin eventually subdued Alex and took her away from the area.
Brin brought an unconscious Alex to a lake and waited. Ennis's ability had a range. Once outside that range, Alex started changing back. Brin put his jacket around her and then took off his pants so that he was in shorts. As he did, a swarm of Sedi Witches descended upon them. "Oh, shit," Brin realized. The platoon of Sedi Witches floated on the water of the lake and approached from all sides. Brin gave them a look of determined resolve.
The witches got closer, invading their minds, unlocking secrets, and draining them of happiness. "We're not the ones you're after," Brin told them. The witches didn't seem to care as they got closer. Brin tensed up and fell to a knee as the witches invaded his mind. He was on the verge of passing out when Alex rose to her feet. Her brown hair became reddish, her eyes were glowing like embers, and a red light glowed about her. She held a pissed expression on her face. Psychic fire roared around all of them.
"You have no power over the servant of the Dark Phoenix! Go back to whence you came, Sedi Witches!" Alex said with an inhuman voice. Pulses of fiery energy forced the witches back. The witches quickly departed into the forest, leaving them alone. Alex then collapsed as she expended her power.
The next morning, Alex awoke in the castle's infirmary wearing a medical gown. "That was weird," she recalled. After getting dressed, Alex went to Brin's office.
"Hello, Alex," Brin said cheerfully. "I saw you coming," he said, reminding her he had the app. Alex gave him an odd look as he appeared to be packing his things away. His face also looked a bit fucked up from when she bit and clawed him as a dog. "I've looked worse, believe me."
"You've been sacked?" Alex figured.
"No, I resigned, actually. I'm going to hunt down Ennis and the Dark Lord's other followers," Brin said.
"Is this whole thing a war game or real-life villainy?" Alex asked.
"Yes," Brin said flatly. "Mon-El has gone too far with his cult. I might not be able to harm him directly, but I can dispatch his followers."
"It has nothing to do with you transforming into a furry?" Alex asked.
"Nothing at all," Brin said.
"It just seems like you were meant to be a symbol for queerness," Alex considered.
"How so?" Brin asked, confused.
"Like parents not wanting their kids to be taught by a drag queen, furry or something, even though it would be perfectly harmless," Alex said. Brin simply gave her a blank look.
"But I'm not harmless. I'm lethal as fuck, especially in my furry form," Brin said.
"Yeah, bad comparison," Alex allowed.
"Why do you look so glum?" Brin asked.
"I meddled. You were onto Ennis, and I got in the way. If it weren't for me, you would have caught him," Alex said, disappointed in herself.
"If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be here, this castle wouldn't be here, this school wouldn't be here," Brin pointed out. "You, or rather the memory of you, made a great difference. Now, since I'm no longer your teacher, I'll give this back to you," he said, giving her the datapad with the app.
"I'm sure we'll meet again," Brin said and then took off with his duffle bag.
Alex returned to her Navy table somewhat victorious and met up with Ron and Harriet. Surprisingly, a horse was brought into the dining hall. "Stand back, I said, or I'll take into the stables if you don't settle the fuck down," Ron scolded the others crowding around.
"Alex, wherever did you get him?" Neville asked, referring to the stallion.
"Can I have a go, Alex?" Seamen requested. "After you, of course."
"You better mean horseback riding, right?" Alex said, giving him an odd look.
"What the fuck are you on about? Let her through," Ron said to the others. Alex eyed the stallion curiously. "His name is Firebolt, the fastest stallion in the world," Ron said as he read the tag on the horse's saddle.
"For me? But who sent him?" Alex wondered. "Wait...he isn't a former student, is he?"
Author's Notes: Abkhazia is an IRL place, a separatist province of Georgia on the Black Sea. The Sedi Order references the witches of Dune with telepathic and telekinetic powers. Ennis, Jahnson, aka Animal Lad is a real Legion of Superheroes character that looks like the Beast from Beauty and the Beast in his default form. CW SG and HP POA seem to have the same issue with equating lethal as fuck superpowers with that of benign minority status. It has and always will create a false equivalency fallacy, and this is especially enhanced when said lethal as fuck super ends up hurting or killing someone with their powers.