But What If

by Yavanna and SunStar

It's the summer of 2002 when Non Llewellyn, an anxiety riddled PTSD suffering auror, is just struggling to get through the days. Hot on the case of dark wizards who evaded capture after the war, she doesn't have time for any additional stress but when a new Ministry of Magic law gets put into place her world will never be the same again. *AU as FW lives*

27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J. K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 27

I couldn't have blacked out for more than a few seconds, as when I came to it was to the creaking sound of a door opening and as my eyes flickered open I could see I was being levitated into Bill and Fleur's kitchen. At least they'd finally had the sense not to drag me by the arm.

"Ouch."

I mean really that was an understatement, but whatever salve they had dropped on to the blazing cut on my chest had dimmed the pain, just slightly, and while my shoulder was a fierce ache it wasn't close to what I had dealt with in the past. A slight chuckle drew my gaze to Bill.

"I'm so sorry Bill, to appear like this so abruptly."

"We're just glad you're safe, even if your appearance is…surprising."

There was a little smile playing about his mouth and I cringed to remember the charmed appearance I had been wearing though I could tell already from the length of my hair that it had now worn off, due to the pain I'd experienced I didn't doubt. But why the pause? I frowned slightly and then flushed as I instantly remembered my outfit. As Bill manoeuvred me into a sitting position on a chair and took the levitating charm off me, I cast a scandalised look down at my corset enhanced cleavage, only to be horrified at the sight of the ugly wound to my chest. It was huge, going right from the base of my left collar bone and right across the front of my chest, slicing across both of my breasts. Under the thick layer of salve I could see it was an angry, pulsating purple with small tendrils starting to wriggle out from the edges. Any embarrassment I felt was quickly replaced by alarm.

"Oh sweet Helga that is bad."

I glanced around urgently for my wand only to see it was in Bill's possession and his eyes had followed my gaze.

"Sorry Non I can't let you have it until we've had that," he gestured at my wound, "seen to by a proper healer, Ron said you'd be too tempted to heal it yourself. Fleur is just settling Victoire, but then she'll take a quick look at your shoulder, I'm sure she can patch that up."

I would have huffed in annoyance but the pain really was too bad. Stupid Ron. I thought perhaps I could at least take measures to distract myself by starting to write up my report and I reached for my bag and froze. Oh Merlin, my bag. It was back in that B along with all of our other things. I knew we'd put protections on the room but if we had been watched and if CMG had sent his goons to search it, they'd have their hands on some really valuable stuff. And wait, just where was Ron? I cast an alarmed look at Bill.

"Bill, where's Ron?"

I could see him frown at my look.

"He just said he was going to collect your supplies and he'd be back in a moment."

My eyes bulged.

"On his own?!"

I stood up in alarm, or at least tried to. Even as I pushed myself standing the wound on my chest throbbed violently and had me doubled over in pain. I couldn't believe Ron had gone back there on his own, didn't he realise just how dangerously stupid it was?

"The idiot," I hissed out in annoyance and no small part fear. "How long has he been gone?" I settled back gingerly in my chair, finally understanding that the level of pain I was in meant I wouldn't be able to go anywhere unaided, and I sure as hell wasn't going to try and take any of Ron's family into danger. Merlin the absolute buffoon. This was completely against protocol.

"Not long at all Non, and I'm sure he'll be fine. He's not one to take unnecessary risks you know."

I nearly thought Bill was being sarcastic but a quick glance at his face made me pause. Bill believed what he was saying fully and not only that, he had complete confidence that Ron would be able to manage what he'd set out to do. Normally I would have found it endearing that he clearly so believed in his brother's abilities, but I knew better on auror missions like this that you shouldn't do anything alone. I grunted an acknowledgement to Bill's words but was spared having to say anything else by Fleur appearing in the kitchen.

"Ah Non, this really is very bad. But first your shoulder, yes? Then my Bill will take you to St Mungo's."

Urgh, that place. I mean okay actually, it wasn't so bad, and I would know having spent so much time there, but I had so much to do I had to get back to the auror department urgently. CMG's attack was a huge moment and with the information on him I'd managed to find out in our scuffle, together with Parkinson's indiscretions a couple of weeks back, I really felt like we were making progress on this case now. Like it was finally going to draw to a close.

I winced as Fleur set about healing my shoulder, but the extreme pain of healing was short lived and I let out a small sigh of relief before I gingerly started to rotate my shoulder.

"Oh that's so much better thank you Fleur."

I tapped my fingers nervously on the table top before finally giving in and sitting on them, anything to stop me either lunging towards Bill to get my wand to desperately try and stop my chest from hurting, or from trying to physically remove the skin from my chest. This wound was horrendous and I had to press my lips together to try and stifle a whimper of pain.

Bill and Fleur started to try and distract me when a loud crack sounded from outside. We all tensed and Fleur let out an audible exhale of relief when Ron's tall form appeared outside the back door.

I lurched to my feet to greet him as he thrust my bag towards me. I gave him a quick once over, and on seeing he didn't have any new injuries on top of those he'd received from the fight in the bar, I attempted to thwack him on the shoulder but he easily evaded me.

"I know Non alright, so don't start."

The serious look he gave me did shut me up, more so than his words did and I nodded, before doubling over as another wave of pain hit me.

"Right let's get you to St Mungo's, both of you," Bill amended, as he eyed up the burn on Ron's arm that he could now see clearly in the light of the kitchen.

I was slowly coming to realise just how seriously injured I was as the pain started shooting out from the wound in sharp jolts, and even as Fleur was fussing with Bill as he got his things ready to take us, I desperately looked around the kitchen trying to distract myself somehow, as I could feel panic starting to rise in me. There was a cherry red pot on the stove, lid on, which I presumed were leftovers from that evening's meal given the late hour now. To the right of the kitchen door there was a small bench which housed their shoes. I could see Fleur's stylish boots, with a tiny matching pair being Victorie's. There were two sets of men's shoes which I thought had to both be Bill's until I saw the laces and I did a double take. One pair was more worn and had mismatched red and gold laces.

Hold on, aren't those George's?

"Ready Non?"

I wasn't but I didn't even have time to acknowledge Bill, let alone form a response before the familiar painful squeezing sensation of side along apparition took hold. I gasped in pain and stumbled as we appeared abruptly in the designated area of arrival at St Mungo's. The pain was excruciating and it was all I could do now to keep myself upright. I was vaguely aware of Bill and Ron talking, though they sounded muted like they were far away as some healer's bustled towards us. My mind however was still back at Shell Cottage. Was George there? Or had he been there? Or if he was there, why hadn't he come down? I had just enough awareness left to be thankful that he hadn't, given my outfit and injury, before another spasm of pain took me over.

I don't think I was really aware of anything other than pain and some mumbled voices for a while, until at last a blissful numbness started to spread through my chest and I near moaned in relief. Sounds started to come back into focus, I could hear the scuff of shoes moving against the floor and the soft tinkle and clink of glass bottles as they were moved.

My eyes cracked open to squint against the glow of lamplights high on the ceiling. The room was fairly spacious from what I could see in my current field of vision. My bed was in the middle, and there were workstations to either side where a healer was currently busy tidying up the bottles that I'd heard. Against the wall to the left I could see, as I slowly turned my head, a row of chairs, and one was occupied by Bill. He looked extremely tired.

"Hi Bill."

My voice sounded scratchy and I winced slightly, but it was loud enough for him to hear and his head snapped up to look at me and I saw his shoulders sag, in what I supposed was relief.

"Oh awake are you? I'll get Healer Tuft for you."

I barely had time to acknowledge the witch's words before she was already bustling out of the room. Tuft? He was still working here? He'd been my healer when I was a small child, and I'd thought he was old then.

"You feeling alright Non?"

I took a few seconds to answer Bill as he came to stand next to my bed, as I quickly tried to assess myself. I was dressed in a white night robe and I could see a layer of padding sticking out of the neck line that must have been swaddling all of my chest. As I pushed myself up into a seated position I rolled my shoulder and was pleased there was no residual pain.

"Do you know what Bill, I actually do. Can't have actually been that bad hey?"

I smiled hopefully up at him but I felt it falter on my face at his grim look. Gods, had it actually been that bad? What if it was still, but they'd just given me something to numb it? My mind started to race before I could stop it, though an interruption arrived quickly, even before Bill could respond.

"There she is, one of my best ever patients." Healer Tuft was a very elderly wizard, shrunken with his long age, yet still managing to exude an alarming amount of energy. He was trailed by three trainee healer's, the badges pinned to their robes clearly indicating their status. As Tuft grinned at me, revealing he had even less teeth than he'd had the last time I'd seen him, I couldn't help but smile back.

"Hello Healer Tuft."

"Now Non, I hope you don't mind I've brought these trainee's with me. Yours is a fascinating, yes fascinating case! A perfect chance for them to learn, yes? I knew you wouldn't object!"

I mean, it wasn't like he was giving me a chance to. I risked a quick look at Bill whose eyebrows were raised in surprise, but I couldn't tell if it was at the healer's words, or at the giant pile of my medical records that had been levitating behind the old healer and that now settled on the workstation by my bed with a loud thunk. Gosh when they were all piled up like that it really did look a lot.

"Now listen up you three, Non here has an exceptional record of recovery against the ill effects of dark magic. Now of course we don't know if this is a rare reaction compared with the population as a whole, as of course, luckily, most aren't subject to its ill effects. Non here though my, she has been put through the wringer. File B there is a record of her full and complete recovery from the long term use of being under the imperius curse, and file C of course that is her recovery from extensive exposure to the cruciatus curse. Now as you know from your studies, most people alas lose their minds to such exposure but not our Non here. Resilient!"

He rolled his r's proudly at the start of the last word and beamed at me but I could only gape at him in horror, before darting an agonised look at Bill. This was…this was fucking shit. No one, no one, only Beckett, knew my history outside of St Mungo's. My medical records were supposed to be confidential, classified even. What the fuck was I going to do? Bill was just staring at me, stunned. I struggled to draw a breath and Tuft seemed to cotton on that something was wrong.

"What's this Non, surely your husband knows all about it? Not put my wand in it, have I?"

My eyes near popped out of my head.

"H-he's n-not," I coughed and tried to steady my breathing so I could tell him just what a mess up he'd made. The three trainee's simply looked confused.

"I'm not her husband Healer Tuft. I'm her brother in law."

I choked on air this time at Bill's words. Brother in law!? Not bloody yet he wasn't. I shot an alarmed look at him, but he seemed to have recovered himself a little, but the look he gave was serious, if not grim. Well no shit Non, he's just heard you've been subjected to the unforgivables. I winced at my own thoughts but Tuft himself seemed oblivious. He only ever had been focused on the case at hand, bless him, emotions never really came into it for him.

"Oh dear, that is a bumble by me I say. Patient confidentiality and what not? Now you three listen up, that's very important. Easy to fix though. You just stand there sir whilst I obliviate you, it won't take a jiffy and I'm really rather good at it."

"Oh I don't think that will be necessary sir, right Non?"

Bill shot me an urgent look as I fought to get my words out. I mean it would be a huge help to me if Bill did conveniently have his memory wiped, but I knew I couldn't let it happen. He'd been nothing but nice to me, his sister was my friend, I worked with one brother and I was, I gulped, going to have to marry another one. George. I took a shuddering gasp of air at the thought of his name.

"Please don't obliviate him."

As big a risk as this was to me, I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I let it happen. I hated the obliviate spell, even if in my line of work it had its uses. It was such an abuse of magic, and an infringement on a person's soul. And I knew, even in the best of intentioned cases like Hermione with her parents, it could go badly wrong. I could never subject Bill to it.

"Are you sure, Non dear? Well, alright then," he clapped his hands and rushed on before I could even get a word in, "Now, what Non has been subject to this time is a very tricky curse. Very delicate, very powerful, and it draws on the magic of its victim. Yes that's right, it sucks all the magic out like a leach. Now luckily for Non it was contained very well before she got here." Tuft bowed a thanks, to my astonishment, at Bill before continuing.

"Now Non we've drawn the curse out but it's left a nasty residue. No quick healing on this one I'm afraid and you most definitely will have a scar. We're preparing an ointment for you that should help with that, it shouldn't be too much longer. But I must warn you, you must refrain from magic, as much as you can, for at least a week." He wagged a finger in my face to back up his point. "The more you use magic the more the residue will build in strength and if you aren't careful, you'll have the full blown curse back. This is a very dangerous curse Non. Do you understand?"

I felt queasy at his description of the curse. Feeding off my magic? I shivered. That was such a horrible thought.

"I understand Healer Tuft."

"And you'll limit your magic? For at least a week?"

I nodded my head vigorously. Hopefully this meant that I would even get a week off work if I couldn't practice much magic and I perked up at the thought of that. "Definitely. Say could you tell me please, how Ron is?"

Tuft looked confused.

"Ron Weasley? The other man I arrived here with?"

"Oh so that one was your husband! Oh he was right as rain, right as rain Non. Ah and look, here's your ointment now. Three large vials here, this should last you a full month. You need to apply it three times a day, liberally, for the full month. If you think you're going to run out, you come back here straight away do you hear?"

I blinked rapidly. I mean, I knew a lot of people were having to get married lately but I didn't see how Tuft was getting so confused as to my marital status but I shrugged it off as unimportant as I cradled the vials to me.

"Yes sir, I understand."

"Marvellous, marvellous! You take care then Non, any other alarming injuries you come straight here, you know how I love to treat them. One of my most fascinating patients, yes, fascinating!" He patted me gently on the arm before shepherding the trainees out in front of him, imploring them to read all the notes on my files. I scratched my head in bewilderment. You know, I think he might finally be getting a bit too old for this job.

It took me a while to notice that silence in the room was strained and I inwardly winced. What on earth was I going to do now? Should I even acknowledge what Tuft had said about the use of the unforgivables on me? I was so ashamed of that part of my life, I didn't want to acknowledge it even to myself, let alone others. I thought it best to just pretend like it hadn't happened. It honestly all felt like a weird dream to me that Tuft had even said it, his visit had been such a whirlwind.

"Thank you for containing the curse from my wound."

My voice was quieter than I'd expected, but I was glad I'd gotten some words out and I hoped it would at least jolt Bill out of his silence. I hadn't looked at him but I could feel his gaze on me.

"You're welcome." Bill's voice was a bit gravelly and he cleared his throat. "Here, do you want me to look after those vials for you while I get you home?"

I cast a surprised look at him, what did he mean get me home? I felt my breath catch at the expression on his face. It wasn't, thankfully, pity, but there was sorrow and weirdly I thought, understanding there. My lower lip trembled and I turned sharply away, trying to steady my breathing as I put a hand to my chest. Being on assignment with Ron, as stressful as it had been, had been like being in a safe bubble away from a lot of my feelings. Being away from the reality of my real life had been a blessing in a way, but with Bill looking at me like that it was all coming crashing back. I'd had pretty much a three week hiatus but it hit me then all of the emotions that I still had to contend with and fuck, it was a lot.

"If - If you could just hold them while I get dressed that would be great thanks."

I clumsily passed them to Bill before I scrambled off the bed and made a beeline for one of the cupboards under the workstations. I knew from previous visits it's where they kept spare robes as often patients arrived in such a state they had no clothes of their own. I supposed I had my own clothes in my bag, but I didn't want to use accio to retrieve them, and I wasn't feeling brave enough to ask Bill to do it for me. Gods, what must he think of me?

I shrugged into soft woolen blue robes, they were slightly too big but given how much I'd been on display recently, I was thankful that my body was now fully hidden. I picked up my bag and wand, and then held my hand out for the vials, but Bill shook his head, his ponytail softly swishing. Really I wanted to protest, but I also didn't want to start a conversation.

"Ready?"

Bill didn't even give me a chance to answer as he strode from the room, and I hurried to keep up, his stride was that much longer than mine. After a few short minutes and one lift journey later we were back in the main atrium which appeared strangely empty, and as he made a beeline for the apparition section I started to slow my steps. I mean, Bill couldn't take me home. He didn't have access and I didn't particularly want to grant him any. I started to chew on my lip but quickly stopped as I thought of a solution and steeled myself to speak.

"You know Bill, I'm fine to get myself home. I can just use the knightbus. You've done more than enough as it is."

Bill turned and raised an eyebrow at me.

"No."

No? What did he mean no? I could feel my brow furrow in confusion and a little bit of annoyance so I tried again.

"No honestly, it's really not a problem, I can-."

"Non, no." Bill said it so firmly I felt the words die in my mouth. He let out a sigh before tugging gently at my arm to pull me closer, and he frowned down at me. It was all I could do not to squirm. There was something about Bill that just exuded authority, and that made me uncomfortable.

"I have not sat through the last eight hours of you being healed from a near fatal injury to then leave you travel home alone."

Eight hours? My mind couldn't make sense of it and I desperately sought the big clock over the reception desk. It read half past five in the morning. Well, I suppose that explained why the place was currently so quiet. I snuck a quick glance at Bill to try and assess how resolved he was and my heart sunk at the set of his jaw. God why were Weasley's all so stubborn?

"My home is yours."

I mumbled the words in a huff before noticing Bill's raised eyebrow.

"I had to give you access, otherwise my wards would never allow you near it. Not much point apparating to the area just for a long walk right?"

When Bill didn't say anything further I quickly gave him directions before latching on to his free arm in a tight grip for the side along apparition. He had the sense at least to not try and make it in one jump, it was after all quite a way from London to my cottage, and he didn't know the area. By the time my cottage did come into view I felt squeezed and disorientated, and my wound was starting to sting again. I didn't want to think what it would feel like when I myself had to use magic.

I hesitated a bit before my front door.

"Um, just to warn you Bill I've not been back here for weeks and I didn't have time to properly clean before I left."

Given how little time Hermione had been spending here before I went on my mission, I rather doubted she'd have been there to clean either. Merlin I hoped it wasn't too bad. Not only because I didn't want to be embarrassed in front of Bill, but I also didn't want to have to face a bunch of cleaning.

"I'm sure it's fine Non, lead on."

I almost thought I'd heard a hint of amusement in his voice but I shrugged it off and opened the door to lead Bill through and into the kitchen, when I froze in shock. The place was spotless. It practically gleamed. I don't think I had ever managed to get it to look this good and my brow furrowed in confusion. This definitely couldn't have been Hermione, brilliant as she was, household cleaning spells were not her forte. That meant I could cross Luna and Ginny out too. It most definitely wasn't going to be Harry and I nearly laughed at the thought. Fred also wasn't going to be a contender, not that I didn't think he had the ability, but I knew I wasn't his particular favourite person right now.

What I don't get is why you can't bring yourself to be even a tiny bit thoughtful or considerate to George.

I winced at the memory of his words. He'd sounded so disappointed in me. It was an uncomfortable recollection and my mind quickly sought a distraction. I know, it must have been Audrey and Percy that had cleaned up for me. Their home was always spotless. I felt happy to have figured something out before the noise of a chair being moved brought me back to my senses.

"Sorry to ask Non but you wouldn't mind getting me a coffee would you? I need a bit of a pick me up before apparating home."

Bill's face looked innocent enough but I was a bit suspicious. I mean sure he looked tired but not that tired, but I couldn't find a way to argue with his reason. I'd been lucky so far that he hadn't brought up my medical history that Tuft had accidently told him, but the longer he stayed the more I thought my luck was going to run out. I also felt a twinge of shame that I should have already offered him something and hadn't.

"Oh sure thing Bill. I just need to pop to the loo, won't be a mo."

As I jogged up the stairs I also decided that I should change into normal clothes too but I paused at the entrance to my bedroom. My bed had been made up in fresh sheets, but everything else seemed to be as I had left it, including my overflowing laundry basket and I felt my brow furrow. Audrey surely would have done my laundry but it was still undone, it really must have been Percy that had helped out. Thank Helga he'd left it really, the thought of Percy Weasley handling my underwear was beyond embarrassing.

I quickly changed and did my business before hurrying back downstairs. Through habit I held out my wand to point it to the kettle to boil but managed to catch myself just in time. Limited use of magic is what Tuft had said and I turned to Bill.

"Um sorry Bill, would you be able to boil the kettle please? I mean I could do it the muggle way but it would take a while for the fire to heat up enough to boil the water."

Goodness this was going to be a little bit annoying. There were still some things I preferred doing the muggle way sometimes, but things like this, just making a quick cuppa, were so much more convenient when all it took was a swish of your wand. Bill nodded his agreement and I bustled into my pantry to get the coffee and I found myself stunned again. My pantry was completely re-stocked and full. I rushed to my cooling drawers to check those too, and yep sure enough, they were completely full of food. I felt a warm bubble of happiness bloom in my chest and sent a silent thanks to Percy and Audrey, because this at least must surely have been both of them. It was such a nice feeling to know that I had people that cared.

I quickly grabbed the coffee before making up two mugs and carrying them over to Bill at the table. I hesitated just for a moment before I eased myself into a chair opposite. Before the silence could become strained, before I could even think of anything to say to keep him distracted, my luck with Bill ran out.

"Thank you for not letting Tuft obliviate me. Though, why didn't you?"

Bill's blue eyes levelled a serious look at me over the rim of his mug, and I took a quick sip of my own as I tried to gather my thoughts. Right, he really was going to raise my past when I'd hoped so much he'd be too uncomfortable to.

"I don't agree with the spell Bill. I don't think it should be inflicted on anyone unless it's an emergency. Even then I don't think there's much that would meet the criteria."

I could see I'd sparked his interest with that, that a question was forming on that topic before he could himself and shot a rueful look at me.

"You're very good at redirecting conversations, you know. You answer half a point, while completely skirting the bigger issue, and from what I've noticed you're normally successful in completely changing the topic. Just how many people know you were tortured Non?"

Oh wow, okay. Blunt. I fidgeted in my seat as I tried to keep my breathing steady. Tortured. I really didn't like that word and I felt my mouth downturn.

"Apart from some of the healers, just Beckett."

"Why him?"

"Oh it was to do with me being allowed to pass my auror training. I had to go through extra checks to be signed fit for the job."

"Why's that?"

I shot Bill a confused look. Wasn't it obvious?

"Because it was something traumatic Bill. They have to know it wouldn't prevent me from carrying out my duties even in extreme circumstances." Although of course last year it nearly pretty much had. Stupid, stupid PTSD.

"So you do recognise that it was traumatic?"

He saw how confused I was by his question and hurried on.

"It's just Non, I've told you that you suffered a near fatal injury last night and you've hardly batted an eyelid. You didn't ask the healer any questions. Forgive me it's just that you're acting like it's an every day occurrence when it's clearly not."

I tapped out a light rhythm on the side of my mug as I tried to withstand Bill's gaze. It was nearly as intimidating as one of George's when he was fully focused on me.

George.

I felt my breath hitch slightly at the thought of him. We hadn't parted well before my mission, I hadn't even gone to him in the days leading up to it to say goodbye. Even as I regretted that, I knew it had been the right decision.

"Non?"

Bill's gentle sounding of my name made me jump slightly as I tried to re-gather my thoughts. Right yes, he was questioning me on…that stuff. Typically my mind had jumped to another uncomfortable topic to distract myself.

"I-I recognise when things are traumatic Bill, it's just that this," I gestured vaguely to my chest area, "doesn't really factor in that high in the grand scheme of things that I've gone through. I know it's bad, and I'm honestly probably having a bit of a delayed reaction, but…I've had worse."

And really, I had, though I winced at how blase that had sounded. Bill was frowning at me and I desperately sought for something to say to stop his line of questioning.

"How's George?"

Oh well shit Non, not that. Did I even really want to know? The more I thought on it, I found that I did and I nervously glanced at Bill who was looking exasperated. Oops.

"That wasn't even subtle Non," he sighed heavily, "but to answer your question, he's not okay."

I had nearly started nodding automatically thinking Bill would have said George was fine before my ears caught up.

"What?" My brain was struggling to process what I'd just heard, I mean it was George, even if he wasn't doing brilliantly surely he was at the very least okay? "What do you mean not okay? What's wrong?"

"It's not my place to say." He must have seen me ready to demand more information as he carried on talking, with an intensity that made me sit back in my chair. "You have to talk to him Non. Properly. About everything. And so you can't pretend to misunderstand me, I mean talk to him about the fact that you were tortured by death eaters, and extensively. Explain to him the impact of the imperius curse. It's the only way he's ever going to be able to understand you enough for whatever this is between you to work."

There was no escaping Bill's gaze, this was worse than anything Beckett had subjected me to because at least with him I knew I could try and cheek my way out of it to lessen the intensity. This was a big brother looking out for a younger one and I inwardly squirmed.

"I-I do want to do right by him Bill. I know I've not done a good job of that so far."

But just what did doing right by George mean? I wish I knew. Bill's face at least softened slightly.

"I know that Non, and with what you've had to process the last few months I'm not surprised, especially given what I know now, that you've been having such a hard time of it. He'll understand. Please talk to him." When I didn't reply again he let out a sigh. "Look, I'll leave you to it but I'll check back in tomorrow okay? This injury is serious, so don't over do it."

I felt a surge of relief that he was going to leave, as my mind continued to dwell on what he'd said about George. I hated the thought he wasn't okay. I surprised myself by asking Bill to light both the kitchen and living room fires for me, clearly some part of my brain was functioning normally and had noticed my cottage was cold, but as the door closed behind him I allowed my thoughts to be entirely consumed by George.

I wasn't very successful at thinking things through as whenever I seemed to get close to any sort of uncomfortable emotion, my mind wanted to skitter away and I huffed lightly in annoyance. Merlin, why did I have to be so frustrating? I must be maddening for others to deal with. I decided then that what might help my brain was to set myself a task and I hurriedly put on a heavy coat before making way down to my wood shed, to check I had enough of a supply for the winter. To my astonishment, my wood shed was full. I furrowed my brow as I turned slowly to walk back to the house and I paused by the greenhouse, deciding to check in on it and praying my plants weren't too grumpy at my long absence, and when I slid the door open I gazed in astonishment. My greenhouse was pristine. It was far more organised and well kept then I'd ever seen it. The air seemed to vibrate with contentedness, my plants were clearly happy and exceptionally well cared for. Which meant that it definitely hadn't been either Percy or Audrey that had taken it upon themselves to look after my cottage, they both notably did not like anything herbology related. I sucked in a deep breath as I realised just who had been taking care of everything for me, and my heart started to race.

Oh, George.

I had to lean forward slightly, hands on my knees to try and calm my breathing as my vision blurred with tears. He was - he was, fuck he was just so good and kind and wonderful and shit, I really didn't deserve him. I had to clamp down fiercely on my thoughts as my own lack of self esteem tried to assert itself. I was so tired, so so fucking tired, of sabotaging myself. Hadn't I realised with Macsen and Tomos that it was my own actions, that I thought were for my protection, that had kept them from me, and so kept me in needless unhappiness over that aspect of my life for two fucking years?

"I'm an idiot."

The sound of my voice seemed jarring in the peaceful quiet of my greenhouse, but it was true, and a thought came to me then as I strode back up to my cottage with new determination. If I myself wasn't able to process my emotions, then I could only go about this one way. I fumbled with the drawer of my Welsh dresser before bringing out some spare parchment, an old battered quill and a bottle of ink that was half full. I was going to apply my auror training to the situation. I was going to go over every interaction I'd had with George in a clinical fashion, my emotions be damned.

The following few hours were in their own way, excruciating. Every re-lived memory jarred feelings of mortification, embarrassment, hurt, discomfort, pretty much every emotion under the sun but I clamped down on them ruthlessly so I could write up notes in as detached a way as I could so I could make this whole situation make sense. When I was finally done I re-read through them and sat back, stunned.

There was absolutely no hiding from it. No mistaking it. The facts themselves couldn't be clearer. I, Non Llewellyn, had a massive crush on George Weasley. Now that I could see my responses to all our interactions written down so plainly, there couldn't be any other logical explanation, and even as I thought it to myself I knew it to be true. How on earth had I managed to fool myself quite so spectacularly? Sweet Helga I'd even just started having sex dreams about him and it still hadn't twigged. I could feel a big bubble of upset forming at that thought before I recalled what Bill had said. Given what I had gone through in the past then it was entirely reasonable I was having such a hard time with this new stupid law. Was it as simple as that then? That my being unable to emotionally process my response to the law had pretty much blinded me to everything else?

I know I make you feel something but it's damn well not anxiety.

I let out a shuddering breath at the memory of George's words. He'd been so certain of himself. How had he known so clearly? I let the mortification wash over me again this time. I'd been such a blind fool and I had given George so many mixed messages. No wonder he'd been so confused, especially after that kiss. Oh Merlin, that kiss.

I glanced at the kitchen wall, where I'd ended up pressed against it by George and this time I truly made myself think through it. Not with my auror brain on, but as me. I realised now that he'd made that bet to dance every dance with me because that's what he had wanted, even if I still couldn't fully understand it. I owed George enough respect to take him at his word. And then here in the kitchen when he'd spun me out on his arm only to reel me back in and the kiss….

His lips pressed against mine, soft and hesitant but as he started to pull away I followed, pressing my lips against his. I felt a slight smile on George's lips and he returned the pressure, as he let go of my hand to gently cup my cheek and tilt my face up slightly, his spare hand moving to my waist. As his thumb brushed against my ribs I let out a gasp and George took that as a sign to further the kiss. His tongue teased against my lips, lightly dipping into my mouth before withdrawing and I curled one of my hands into the front of his robe to keep him close, my other hand moving to the back of his neck to keep him in place as I tentatively traced my own tongue against his. George fully deepened the kiss then, his one arm wrapping fully around my waist to keep me pinned against him as his other hand traced up my back to cup the back of my head. I moaned against him even as I arched my back to push my body into his, desperate for closer contact as my arms twined around his neck, one hand threading itself in his hair. We kissed for a long moment, but at my second moan one of George's hands slid to my bum, pulling me closer even as he ground against me lightly. My grip on his hair tightened as I felt how hard he was and I hitched my left leg up around his hip, wanting nothing more than for him to be closer.

I took in a shuddering breath at the memory, my whole body feeling flushed. No wonder part of my brain had shut down at the time, that kiss had been phenomenal. It hadn't been a short kiss at all and at every stage that George had either checked to see if I wanted to continue by slightly pulling away or indicating he'd wanted to deepen it, I had responded with a resounding yes. Fuck I'd really, really wanted him. Oh Helga and I had flat out told him that I'd never even thought about kissing him. Which I guess really at the time was true, but some part of me had clearly wanted it, and badly for me to have responded like that. I felt another wave of upset hit me then, then I had been so unaware of that part of myself that I had completely overreacted at my loss of control. I had to use all of my self discipline to stop my thoughts from travelling down the well worn path of self pity.

"Oi Non, you in?"

The jarring voice of Ron Weasley snapped me to my senses, and even as I was dimly aware of my annoyance that he hadn't knocked, I was more acutely horrified that all my notes relating to my interactions with George were strewn over my kitchen table. I don't think I'd ever moved so quickly as I hurriedly gathered them up, and I was just stuffing them back into the drawer when the door creaked open and Ron's face appeared peering around it.

"Oh there you are, what are you doing? And why are you so red in the face?"

Merlin but he was blunt. I wasn't sure if it was a residual blush from the memory of the kiss, or my embarrassment at the thought of Ron finding my notes, but I sure as hell wasn't going to tell him either.

"Oh nice to see you too Ron, and yes I'm fine, by the way."

Ron snorted but didn't press the issue.

"Yeah I know, Bill told me. I'm fine too by the way." He gave me a pointed look and at least this time my blush was a reasonable response. "I came to pick up your report."

My report, what report? Oh, OH, shit my report from our mission. Fuck I'd not even started it.

"Oh, oops, um if you don't mind waiting I'll do it now?"

Ron rolled his eyes slightly before happily agreeing and making a beeline for my pantry. He never was shy of helping himself to food on the rare occasions he called around. Thank goodness my pantry was now full. I froze at that thought because of course it was George that had filled it and I blushed again. Gods, I'd forgotten what it was like to actively have a crush on someone as my heart seemed to skip a beat. I thought my anxiety had made me bad around him before but this was going to be so much worse. How was I ever, ever going to be able to actually talk about him?

But what if he doesn't want to see me? What if I'd taken too long already?

I wasn't prepared for the wave of sadness that hit me at those thoughts and I bit my lip. Now that I'd realised I really did like him, the thought I may have missed my chance was awful but I didn't know if I'd ever be brave enough to act on it.

"I don't have all day you know."

Ron's voice snapped me from my thoughts and I hurriedly set about making my report, having stealthily taken more parchment out of the drawer without removing my George notes. One cramped hand and a couple of hours later, I had finished my write up. I handed it to Ron, who had nearly devoured a whole jar of biscuits, whilst also tentatively handing him a small, thin envelope.

"Could you send this off to Goerge and Fred for me please when you're back in the office? It's my chaser for the invoice, I really think if we can get that and link it to Parkinson then we've got her."

I was extremely proud of the way I managed to say George's name without a hint of a blush.

"Why don't you just ask George yourself?"

That thought had briefly occurred to me but there was no way I was anywhere near ready to face him, and when I finally mustered up the courage to do so the first thing I was going to talk to him about sure as hell wasn't work. Luckily I had thought of an answer to this expected question, even though a part of me was sad that my first contact with George in weeks was going to be so formal and impersonal.

"We've got to do everything by the book, remember? Don't want anyone picking holes in the investigation. Seriously Ron, I think we're so close to cracking it, or at least one part of it anyway."

Ron simply grunted his agreement, before a tapping noise at my kitchen window drew our attention, and I saw a tawny owl peering in at me.

"Huh, wonder what that is…"

I quickly opened the window and gently untied the letter from the owl's leg. To my surprise it didn't even wait to be given food as a thank you before it flew off. That was weird.

"Oh it's from Beckett."

I would recognise his scrawl anywhere. I quickly opened the envelope. It was only a very short letter, but I felt dread fill me. Seriously, I just couldn't fucking catch a break.

"What is it Non?"

"I-I've got to go work in Azkaban."

Ron frowned at my words before he snatched the note from me to read it for himself.

"Well it says the dementors are under control there, at least?"

I nodded mutely to acknowledge his words as I brought a hand up to my chest. How was I supposed to cover a shift at the prison while I could hardly use magic?

"Oh look he's negotiated it down to two days instead of a week too. He's never bloody done anything like that for me."

"Seriously Ron? I literally have just been cursed, I shouldn't be going anywhere near that fucking shit hole."

"Hey all I'm saying is this could be a lot worse."

He held up his hands defensively before he passed the note back to me, and he levelled me with a serious look.

"What?"

My question was a bit snappier than I'd intended, but I could feel panic starting to get its grip on me.

"You need help getting to the dock?"

I blinked. Oh. I mean actually yes, that would be very helpful. I didn't much fancy having to get the knightbus all that way. It was weirdly thoughtful of Ron, so I tried to hide my small frown.

"That would actually be a big help, if you don't mind?"

Oh shit, what if he had just been polite and didn't actually want me to say yes? Wait, hang on, this was Ron, politeness was usually the last thing on his mind. I was starting to get very tired at the stupid questions my brain kept chucking out at me.

"Course I bloody don't, wouldn't have offered if I did. Look I've got to get this report in and yes, before you bloody remind me, I'll send that letter to the twins. I'll be back here first thing in the morning, all right?"

"Alright."

He gave a small grunt as a farewell before he strode from the room, and I heard the front door slam behind him. He really was a bit heavy handed sometimes. A weird silence seemed to fill my cottage and I shivered, before hurrying to stoke up the fires. Azkaban. I guess I'd hoped while on the mission that my end of November stint would be re-arranged, certainly I thought after my injury it definitely would have been. I supposed it was some testament to what a steady sleep routine for the last few weeks had done for me that I wasn't spiralling into fully fledged anxiety. It was very difficult though to keep myself distracted from the sick feeling of dread in my stomach. Not even re-reviewing my George notes helped as they just kept upsetting me as to how oblivious I had been.

I suppose it shouldn't have come as a surprise that I had a nightmare that night. It was like the same one on a loop, each time reliving my fight with the CMG in the pub, the feel of his weight on me, pressing me down, trying to trap me even though I knew I'd been deliberately holding back. I gave up trying to get any more sleep at about five in the morning and instead sluggishly made my way to the bathroom to have a hot shower. Without thinking I charmed the bandage on my chest to stay dry and instantly regretted it. The burning sensation was fierce, it was like the wound on my chest was ripping open and I couldn't help my gasp of pain. Merlin, that was only after one tiny spell. It throbbed for a long time afterwards and I grimly tried to come up with a plan to keep myself distracted while I was in Azkaban. Really I never needed to use that much magic there, but I used to use the large amount of quiet time to practice my spells. There was no way I could do that now.

As I slowly packed my bag, which was made a lot harder by not being able to use accio to check if certain items were already in there, I decided to take my George notes with me. I knew I'd made progress yesterday, I'd at least finally recognised why my body had such a strong reaction to him, but I still felt like I was missing something. I tucked them into the inner pocket of my robe to save them from disappearing into the absolute jumbled mess that was the contents of my bag. When I was fully healed I'd really need to sort through it.

At about seven, I had just finished scribbling a note to Bill explaining where I was in case he really did call around to check on me, when Ron arrived. He pinched more of my food before rushing me outside, unceremoniously grabbing my arm and apparating us to the path that would lead to the boat that would take me to that awful, awful place. Someone was in a rush. He must have seen my questioning look, and I was amused to see a blush forming on his face.

"Luna's just come back early from Finland and well, I've not seen her in a while…" he trailed off, and awkwardly scratched at one of his ears, and I felt a small smile flit across my face although I hoped to Merlin he just wanted to see her so quickly because he'd missed her and not for anything else. The physical development in Hermione and Fred's relationship was already alarming enough to me and given how upset Ron had been over that on our mission, I didn't think he was quite ready for that next step with Luna. Although really given the absolute mess I was at relationships I'm not sure I was a very good judge. Thinking on what Ron had said in one of our evening chats over the last few weeks however had me blurting out a question that I had in no way intended to ask.

"Is George really besotted with me?"

I could feel myself flushing a furious red in mortification. Oh sweet Helga, why, why would I ever even want Ron of all people to reassure me on that point? Then again, Ron was straight talking and I didn't think he'd lie to me about this. I nearly missed the quick grin on his face before he covered his mouth.

"Well besotted might be a bit strong," I tried to ignore the sharp twinge of disappointment, "But trust me, he definitely likes you."

The disappointment turned into a weird wobbly bubble of something that wasn't quite happiness. Honestly, it made me feel a bit funny. I'm not sure what Ron saw on my face but he laughed slightly before clapping me on the shoulder.

"See you in a couple of days Non."

I didn't even have a chance to ask the other question which, now I thought of it, was probably much more important. What had he meant by saying I'd made George be George? Because the more I thought on it, the more that seemed to indicate that George hadn't been himself before this whole forced marriage debacle had started, and that worried me.

With a sigh I squared my shoulders, and with my head full of questions about George I made my way to wait for the boat that would take me to the prison. I just prayed with everything I had that the two days would go quickly and without any incidents.