REVERSE MY POLARITY... PLEASE!
Chapter Three
Once clad appropriately, Leela (uncomfortable) and I (nonchalant) were invited to explain our presence, and once we'd done that to mesh-lady's satisfaction (not that she identified herself to us), we were further invited to the palace proper, up on the fifteenth floor. There we were introduced to the Lady of Handsome Fairness, who was indeed handsome and fair, and the Lady of Bright Comportment, who seemed at least reasonably intelligent, recognizing our value right away. "I thought I was overdressed," whispered Leela, "but these women are carrying twice their weight in useless vestments!"
Having overheard this, the Lady of Bright Comportment genially explained, "We do so of necessity, Leela. Our position requires us to be well covered, and our planet, with which I know you are unfamiliar, requires us to protect and be protected from the Lord Magnetan. He pushes and pulls us as he will. He allows us this one concession so that we may be mobile and do our work upon Fring, but we must obey his will."
"It sounds complicated," I noted. "What does he usually will?"
The Lady of Handsome Fairness said, "He is quite clear about that. He will make himself known to you."
"Ah," said I, "so we will get to meet him?" Upon the ladies' blank stares, I revised, "We shall be introduced?"
The Lady of Handsome Fairness had a light, tinkling laugh. The Lady of Bright Comportment, despite her name, had a low, raspy chuckle. I smiled, for no particular reason. Leela took her cue from one of us (them? me?) and laughed, and I am afraid I gave her a rather aghast glance, so she stopped mid-mirth. Don't be fooled: Leela is quite intelligent, more intelligent than anyone we'd met on Fring so far, but hasn't been off her home planet for long and is out of her element when it comes to idiom and jest. (She is rapidly learning about women's fashion, but balks at most of it; I must remember to introduce her to winter.)
A little bell, almost in tune with the laughter of the Lady of Handsome Fairness, tinkled from all four corners of the room and beyond. "Are you positive or negative?" that laughing lady asked, as the Lady of Bright Comportment left without a word. I looked at Leela and she at me, then we both shrugged. "You don't know? My, my, you must be from quite far away. Open your vest." I opened my vest. She removed a mesh glove and pointed at me. I stepped back. She put her glove back on and I buttoned my vest. "Negative. Like me."
Leela quickly said, "I am the opposite of the Doctor. So I am positive."
"You need not test her. She is telling the truth. We were tested but not told who was which."
"Very well," said the Lady of Handsome Fairness. "I will take that as proven."
"Tell me, Lady of Handsome Fairness, what did those bells mean? I could swear I heard bells."
"Yes," she said, "you heard them. Leela, you should have gone with the Lady of Bright Comportment, as that bell was to call positives to their assembly. It's all right. You didn't know. Doctor, you and I will go to our assembly when the negative bell rings."
"I don't know if I much care for being thought negative." I didn't exactly scowl, but I tried to look a bit more put out than I actually felt; I was enjoying all of this immensely (except, of course, for the collar business). "I think I'm fairly jolly most of the time."
"You are sure to attract someone at assembly," smiled the Lady of Handsome Fairness. "You will make someone a fine consort."
"Thank you, but I think we should be going pretty soon. How often are these assemblies? I would love to witness one but we have places to be, people to go…."
"Oh, no, you must not go! We have been looking for new particles."
"You have a particle shortage… and my particles in particular please you? My particular particles? I am flattered, but I am keeping my particles to myself these days. Or is that participles? I always get confused."
"The assemblies do not last long," said the Lady of Handsome Fairness, firmly. The Lady of Bright Comportment should return soon. There will be another assembly for positives in two hours. Leela should attend. Our assembly will begin shortly.
Leela spoke up: "I do not wish to stay. Are we not free to go? You did say we were guests. Are we not guests, and free to leave as we please? Or are we indeed prisoners despite your declaration that we are not?"
"Oh, Leela, Leela, Leela! Must you be so direct?"
"There is no pleasing you, Doctor!"
Then I felt bad for chastising her, even in jest. The Lady of Handsome Fairness took me seriously as well. "Please do not be too hard on the girl," said that lady. "She is young."
"And she has a point," I confessed. "Are you planning to keep us here against our will? Is this a new definition of 'guest'?"
The Lady of Handsome Fairness replied, "Only Lord Magnetan's will matters."