A/N: I've been working this in piece-meal most of this week and wrote a great majority of it at first using voice to text while driving home. I've once edited it and rearranged some parts so hopefully none of the weirdness result from how the first draft was comes through.
I already had a general idea of what story beats I wanted to hit and the general plot line of this story, but I recently wrote out much more detailed summaries of different "chapters" which may be posted as 2 or more as I complete different scenes and ideas. Hopefully this will result in my being able to lead more naturally to things instead of just thinking it up on the spot as I did with Mrs B confronting Bingley, although that is one of my favorite bits so I will still allow any spontaneous additions to happen.
Thank you for all the reviews!
In watching and assisting Jane with singing, Elizabeth saw fire in her sister more than she had since they were much younger. Their mother had never demanded they undertake the serious study of accomplishments or provided opportunities for them to truly become proficient if they showed special interest or talent in any artistic or musical pastime. Anything the girls learned was their own undertaking as with Mary's piano-forte playing, or a happy accident of some natural talent like with Elizabeth's singing. In the house, The closest thing to an artist in was Lydia with her bonnets and the nearest thing to an educated woman was Elizabeth with her self-direct reading, beyond the novels Kitty favored. Jane was proficient at embroidery as they all were and patience, the latter of which was inborn but refined by the household she grew up in, especially once Lydia had learned to talk as a young child.
While Jane was very generous in thought towards others, she was unused to applying her forbearance to herself. She had never tried overhard or overlong at anything she had not enjoyed or enjoyed anything she had no aptitude for. Determination notwithstanding, she had trouble with rhythm and supporting her song with deep breaths to achieve appropriate volume. Elizabeth did her best to help, counting out loud, playing only the melody on the piano sometimes and singing along quietly for other practices. She herself had never been taught to sing, and since Mary had taught them all the rudimentary skill of reading music, Elizabeth had no experience to draw on in her attempts to teach Jane, whose performance had not improved when it was decided she should sing in English as her pronunciation of lyrics in Italian and French was mediocre at best.
Mr Bennet was always giving false compliments, often in front of Mr Collins, which Jane flushed in displeasure at with more fervency each time. Whether or not the younger man was aware these words from father to daughter were barbed was doubtful so Jane's reactions could be attributed to blushing with pleasure to maintain his ignorance at the very least. This fact prevented Elizabeth from defending her sister in more obvious ways than glaring at her father, or a subtle shake of her head. Mr. Collins had clearly no ear for music as his compliments seem to be genuine, although misguided, misplaced, and awkwardly given. He occasionally did manage in all his words to accidentally bolster Jane's self-worth, as he would often incorporate the virtue of hard work as she had been devoting many hours every day to attempting to better herself.
The fire that Jane had was not one of passion or heightened interest, but rather one of building frustration and fighting against hopelessness regarding her inevitably mediocre performance and Lady Catherine's judgement of it. One evening, Elizabeth attempted to comfort her after a particularly disastrous practice session when the gentleman were out in Mr. Collins garden, saying that as Lady Catherine's daughter was in no way accomplished due to her personal situation, she must not scorn other young women who have had no opportunity to become so for other reasons outside their control. Miss De Berg could no more heal herself than the Bennet sisters could arrange what was needed for their own refinement. Jane didn't really reply to this and set her jaw and wanted to keep at it, although it had been hours. Elizabeth advised she rest her voice as to not become hoarse, impeding her practice or worse her performance. She also wrote to Mary requesting her to send some simple but pretty pieces that she had already memorized in her much more advanced repertoire who obliged by sending some Mozart, Brahms, and Beethoven pieces, as well as some familiar hymns and airs that would be suited for such a performance, wisely excluding the various genres for specific dances.
Elizabeth attempted to learn not only her duet with Jane but two other pieces in addition to reviewing and polishing some simple country music she already knew, including one which required her to sing and play, although she was unsure if she would yet be able to memorize the song sufficiently to achieve that in two weeks time. If not, she mused, she would default back to a simpler piece to accompany herself. She was determined to work for her sister to have the final say in her own future, it would not do for Jane to have been so long suffering only to lose the approval of Lady Catherine. If Jane was to be denied her right, in her mind she supposed, to be the means of securing for her family happiness and comfort, the resulting repercussions in body and soul would be much greater than that she would doubtless suffer if married to Mr Collins.
Early the next morning the practice resumed with more urgency, which led as it often does to heightened emotions and so it happened that after a volley of frustrated exchanges, Jane spoke harshly to Elizabeth in a way that had not happened for nearly 10 years. Elizabeth had stormed off out of doors. Once she had calmed herself, Elizabeth realized she should be proud of her sister for standing up against any person even if that individual was herself. She should not be required to submit to everything, not excluding Elizabeth's instructions which had become increasingly exasperatedly delivered as Jane did not have the ability to follow them.
She continued her walk not only to enjoy the spring, but also to extend her respite from the tension that permeated the parsonage and her inevitable apology to her older sister, which was necessary. Elizabeth gloried in the dewdrops in the underbrush and the new growth that came with the spring and she crossed into the woods surrounding Rosings, was happy to hear the sounds of birds and other small woodland animals. She was absorbed in appreciating each leaf and each breeze so she could fill her soul with peace that would be required once she returned indoors.
As she was thus absorbed, she noticed the sound of hoofbeats and branches cracking, then a brief pause followed by a louder sound of impact which must indicate a jump had been undertaken successfully as the previous rhythm continued. Eventually, the horse came into the clearing at the far end from Elizabeth, and she noticed the rider was Mr. Darcy who met her eyes and held them for an uncomfortably long time before turning his horse around, stirring it forward with squeeze his legs and a Commanding but kind hiya. His voice was melodious and brought unbidden the thought that the voice might be well suited to song. But she has thought Jane's speaking voice was pleasing as well, which must prove that there was not always a connection between one and the other. Until she heard it, she could not wager whether or not his voice would be displayed best advantage in that activity. She then remembered she had heard him singing at church and no male voice had been apparently jarring. She had also heard Jane nearly every Sunday their whole lives and her voice never struck her as weak at those times as it was surrounded and supported by those joined in song, leading her the right notes at timing for songs she had known since she was a girl and had therefore memorized over years without effort.
Once she returned refreshed from her walk she sought out Jane to make peace, "I know how diligent you are and I should not have expected you to be able to do what I was asking of you this afternoon."
"It is reasonable to expect more progress than I have been able to make, but I assure you your frustration with me is nothing compared to my own disappointment with myself. This is surely only the first of a great many failures, both in accomplishments and managing a household and eventually caring for children that I must learn from as a wife and mother. It saddens me that I had no desire to expand my capabilities before now, so any suffering now is merely a result of my past poor decisions, and therefore not to be avoided or the responsibility of it relegated to another."
"That is not so! You have the most patience in the world for myself and our whole family, combined with a genuine desire to do good by and please everyone, to think well them regardless of their treatment of you. Lady Catherine's demanding this of you shows more about her than your attempt to fulfill it says about you, dear Jane, and besides no person is entirely responsible for oneself. Our flaws are shaped by our experiences and those around us and our experiences are largely shaped by those very same people. I begin to see that the lack of intentionality of both our parents in all aspects of our upbringing can do nothing but share in some responsibility for our not developing any talents further. Our dear Mary has been unaffected by such lack of encouragement, but such an outcome is unlikely at best."
Jane continued to explain that she felt inadequate and that she should be able to do these things which came so easy to Elizabeth, and she assumed she must account her struggles as resulting from a personal failing with regards to effort or sensibility, the former of which she would do all in her power rectify, and the latter which she hoped dedicated hours practice would mitigate the effects of. Elizabeth maintained that to be expected to perform with any semblance of proficiency with only a fortnight to develop an entirely new skill was ridiculous in the extreme. Jane did not seem any closer to seeing things the way her younger sister did, so Elizabeth ended that discussion and assured Jane of her love.