It's Lonely Here
Author's Note: This is basically the end of the last Jedi Quest book except everybody's a bit more in character. I really don't like how it was written considering that it feels like all the Jedi suddenly forget what it means to be a Jedi and Anakin suddenly became Mr. Perfect Annoying Jedi Who Never Cares About People and is suddenly being vilified for being exactly like what Jedi are supposed to be like (nvm the part that he could literally never have that kind of detachment, AOTC made that so obvious I'm so confused about what the author was even doing o.O) so I decided to rewrite the ending except Anakin is more in character and Jedi are still Jedi. :3 Hopefully the plot makes some sense. Anyway, sorry about the rant...
And as always, I'm trying to write this so you shouldn't need to know anything about the series to understand the fic.
SPOILER WARNING
Major character death.
Also, major bullying and your friend ditching you warnings.
~ Tirana Sorki
Anakin's had a bad feeling about the mission to Korriban from the start. Granta Omega – an enemy of the Jedi who killed a member of the Council, organized an attack on the Senate that got dozens killed, and has been hunting and trying to kill Obi-Wan for years now – is supposed to be there. He's been trying to get the attention of the Sith Lord and the Jedi have reason to suspect that the Sith Lord himself is going to be here, to meet with Granta Omega.
But the planet is sodark.All Anakin can feel is the Dark Side. He can sense whispers of the past, of pain and darkness and death. It's hard to block out. Hard to be able to reach the Force at all without feeling the Dark Side calling to him.
And he doesn't know if the growing dread he's feeling inside of him is just the Dark Side orsomething else.
There's a small population of people who live on Korriban and one of them pointed the group of Jedi who came to the old Sith Temple.
Anakin and Ferus Olin end up separated from their masters and the other padawans, running ahead in an effort to catch up with where theythinkGranta Omega has gone.
Except the Commerce Guild – which has a base here – has security droids who they've got on their tail.
Anakin and Ferus move ahead into a large, empty hanger. It's so dark here, he can hardly see a thing but he canhearthe sound of clanking battle droids. And then the front rows come into view.
There's at least thirty –
Forty?
Or... more.
A lot more.
"Wait," Ferus objects, "Those aren't ordinary battle droids."
"They have reinforced armor," Anakin realizes, swallowing hard, "And the control center is lower... you can't cut off their heads."
"Too many," Ferus objects, "We have to retreat."
As if theycan? "We can take them," Anakin argues, eyes narrowed. They can't back down. The Sith is here. Or at least, hemight be.It's the very reason the Jediaccepted himand he knows what everyone must be expecting, even if they've never said as much. And running is going to help nothing. The droids will just give chase.
Anakin thinks of a plan fast – attacking from above. He leaps onto one of the gigantic statues of an ancient Sith Lord on their side and Ferus follows him. They're balanced on either shoulder of the statue and it's unreasonably unsettling.
"Wait for the first wave, then drop," Anakin explains, "We can use our liquid cable launchers. The statues can be cover and – "
"I get it," Ferus interrupts.
The seconds tick by as they wait for the droids to move closer.
Which lasts until two dark figures suddenly run in from the hanger.
Darra and Tru.
The only two friends Anakin evenhasat the Temple, even if recent years have kept them apart so much. Sometimes, he feels like they were far closer back when he was younger, but that doesn't mean they aren't still hisfriends.
Panic lances through him sharply. "They think we're down there," Anakin realizes, horrified.
Ferus nods grimly.
They activate their cable launchers, swinging down and slashing through the first line of droids from behind as they land. Darra and Tru run forwards to attack the rest.
But there's so many droids and they're starting to circle around on them from all sides.
They surround Darra and Anakin's too busy swamped on the far side of the hangar to get to her.
There was a time years ago when Darra's master, Soara Antana, had given Anakin a bit of training. Mostly, he remembers her going on about how him always rushing to protect his friend is arrogant, because it means he's being egotistical enough to think he's better than them.
He knows he has to trust them to handle themselves but these droids aredangerousand –
Tru jumps to her aid first, but as he's mid-jump, a blaster shot hits him somewhere and he goes down.
Anakin's heart leaps to his throat.
It's not lethal. It'snotbut now that he's down, he could easilyend up dead.
He tries slashing his way through the droids as fast as he can, trying to get to his side. And then he sees movement out of the corner of his eye. It's not a droid. It's the edge of a cape. A dark figure who's keeping in the shadows and hastily disappearing to the far end of the hangar.
Granta Omega.
Anakin'scertain of it.
Ferus sees it too. "It's Omega," he calls breathlessly, "We have to go after him."
"There's too many droids here," Anakin argues. "We can't leave Tru."
"The Sith Lord isright here,Anakin," Ferus retorts.
"You should go," Tru agrees.
Darra's gone to his side, trying to fend off the droids, protecting herself and him at once. Shecan't do it alone.
"I'll catch up," Anakin objects.
"Anakin, you're forgetting what's at stake here," Ferus says but he runs forwards, disappearing into the darkness after Omega.
Being the perfect Jedi and padawan he always is. Anakin ought to do that. By the Jedi way, stopping the Sith is more important than anything when they don't know how many he could hurt. But he can't justleave his friends here.
The droids are closing in. Therearetoo many.
The desperation that floods him is overwhelming. He shouldn't be usingthatto fuel himself when he delves into the Force but he is, lashing outwards and wrapping the Force around the droids in front of them,crushing them.
The droids disintegrate to crumpled hunks of metal on the floor.
Anakin lowers his hands, breathing hard.
That was the Dark Side.
He just –
He looks back slowly.
Tru and Darra are staring at him.
Darra looks worried.
The look on Tru's face isn't one of gratitude or even awe. It's something else. Something foreign.
"I'll see to Tru," Darra volunteers finally.
Anakin nods and runs, even if he doesn't want to.
*w*
They don't get to the Sith Lord. He crushes an entire pile of ships to block the way and by the time they cut through, they've already lost the trail. But the Sithishere. He threw Anakin into the wall hard enough to stun him when he was getting close.
"We could have gotten to him," Ferus rounds on Anakin as they walk back to where the others still are, "If you had come right away."
"AndleftDarra and Tru?"
"They're Jedi, just like you. They can handle themselves. And now, all the damage this Sith Lord causes in the future is going to be because of this failure." Ferus brushes past him, stalking forwards. He's actually visibly upset, a rare dip of visible emotion onFerus.
The guilt swells inside of Anakin anyway. Ferus isn'twrong.
But he could never regret staying behind to save his friends anyway. Maybe he should. He's nineteen and he's still failing as a Jedi. He just can't be the detachedcoldthey want.
Their masters have caught up with them are talking to each other when they're back.
Anakin hurries over to Tru's side, where he is on the floor. "You all right?"
Tru smiles wanly, not looking up. "Darra treated it. Nothing to worry about."
"The Sith washere," Ferus says.
"He was?" Darra startles, eyes widening, "You saw him?"
"He used the Force on us before we caught up. Granta Omega doesn't have the Force. It had to be him," Anakin explains.
Tru frowns a little.
He doesn't seem happy and Anakin almost thinks it's... with him? Maybe it's because of him using the Dark Side? It probably is but he wasn't thinking and...
Not that it's an excuse. He knows it's wrong. That's what the Jedi always say and guilt is gnawing at him. But if he hadn't, then he has no idea if Tru or Darra would still be alive. It's not something he wants to think about. He wishes no one hadseen it, truthfully. He doesn't want Obi-Wan to hear, or...anyof the masters to hear.
He'll ask Tru about it later. They don't havetimeto talk right now, no matter how much he wants to.
Darra finally stands, from where she was sitting next to Tru, turning to Anakin. "Are you alright?"
He startles a little at the question. "Yes."
She looks like she wants to say something else but then their masters call them away.
*w*
They don't know for sure where the Sith Lord went but Obi-Wan suggests going to the Valley of the Dark Lords. It's the most reasonable place to expect him to go, if he's not in the Sith Temple itself. But no one's alleged to have entered the valley for centuries and they don't know what toexpect.
They're waiting for information from the Temple and while they wait, Anakin looks around for Tru.
But he's nowhere to be seen and neither is Ferus.
Unease twists inside of him instantly, even if that's probablystupid.
When he goes looking, it's to find them sitting together, talking quietly. He tiptoes a little closer, trying to listen. It's stupid to feel a pulsing fear in his chest but more and more, it's like... Tru's happy to see him but then they never really talk. He just moves off to talk to whatever other padawans are there.
"It slips back into half-power without warning," Tru is explaining with a frown, turning his lightsaber over in his hands.
...oh.
It must have been damaged in the battle. But why hasn't he told his master?
"I know I should have told Ry-Gaul. But he's so correct. He might leave me out of battle situations, or even send me back to the Temple," Tru goes on, almost as though hearing Anakin's unspoken question.
"If your lightsaber is permanently damaged, Ry-Gaul would be right to do so," Ferus replies, always quoting the rules that everyone already knows. "After all, you don't want to meet a Sith without a lightsaber."
This reallyisn'ta good time for Tru's lightsaber to be damaged. It could get himkilledand with the darkness looming in the air, the dread inside of Anakin is only growing. Something is coming, something ischanging hereand it's almost as though none of them are going to leave as the same people.
Anakin's done adjustments to Tru's lightsaber before. Why didn't he come tohimabout it?
"No kidding," Tru replies to Ferus, "This mission is crucial. That's why I can't be sent back. I just thought if I could fix it without having to tell Ry-Gaul..." He trails off, winding one of his flexible arms around his back to hug his opposite elbow. Despite looking almost human, his arms have many joints that let them bend at impossible angles. And he always does that gesture when he's nervous. "Besides, we're all nearing Knighthood now. If we're able to have a hand in stopping the Sith here, I might... be able to advance."
ThatAnakin can understand so well. He knows he's ready. Sometimes, it really feels like there's little Obi-Wan has left to teach him, especially considering that he's wiped the floor with him in every duel they've had for the last three years. But his master still won't consider it and he only says things that Anakin doesn't even understand. Like that he needs to stop trying to prove himself, as though he could ever stoptryingto be what the Jedi demand of him, if he's ever going to succeed.
Ferus frowns. "Advancing from padawan to Knighthood is not the reason for this mission."
"That's not what I mean!" Tru protests, upset, "I want to stand with my fellow Jedi because we all know that the darkness is growing. We need every Jedi. I want to be there."
"We all do," Ferus agrees, turning to work on the lightsaber. Anakin can't tell what he's doing. He's torn between going closer and lingering back. He neverlikesinviting interactions with Ferus and he doesn't understand why Tru is ignoring him. "All right, I fixed it," Ferus decides after a bit, handing it over to Tru. "You shouldn't have any more problems. Your power cell is boosted."
Anakin takes half a step forward.
If Ferus did something to the power cell, that means Tru probably needs to check the flux aperture just to make sure it's working. Sometimes itdoesn't.
"Why didn't you ask Anakin to fix it?" Ferus asks, and the question makes Anakin go still again, "He's better at this than I am."
"He was busy with Obi-Wan," Tru replies in a way that doesn't answer the question at all. He'snotanswering and Anakin doesn't understand what's wrong.
"Is there something else on your mind?" Ferus asks.
Tru frowns, glancing around, and Anakin steps a little further back into the shadows to avoid being seen. He knows he shouldn't eavesdrop like this but heneeds to know.He hates how it feels like their friendship is falling for reasons he doesn't understand and he feels frustratingly helpless to do anything tochange that.
"It's about earlier," Tru replies finally, "Anakin could have stopped the Sith. At least, he could have tried. But he didn't."
Anakin can't quite help his flinch.
"He lets his emotions cloud his judgment at times," Ferus replies evenly, "As I'm sure you've seen before."
"I have," Tru admits.
It shouldn't hurt so much but itdoes.It's not like Tru is wrong. It's just different to hear him saying it. Different to hear him and Ferus agreeing with each other on something about this. Tru usually stands up for him when Ferus verbally attacks him.
There's a part of Anakin that can't help wondering, though, if this is really the first time they've talked about things like this about him. If his friendship with Tru is actually as open and free as he always thought it was.
Ferus stands abruptly. "We'd better get back. I don't see any reason to tell Ry-Gaul, now that your lightsaber is fixed."
Anakin turns, darting away into the darkness.
He doesn't want them to know that he overheard.
But he realizes a moment later that he never mentioned the lightsaber. He probably still should. Maybe? He's hardly sure how to go about bringing up the topic now. Ferusistwo years his senior, though. He's nearly ready to be a Knight. Heshouldknow how to fix a lightsaber.
At least, he can hope.
But when they're facing a Sith, he can't be too sure. He should mention it later. But the padawans are approaching their masters now and he doesn't want to bring it up in front of them. Tru doesn't want to get in trouble and Anakin's not going togethim in trouble needlessly.
He tries to keep it in mind for later.
*w*
They make it into the Valley of the Dark Lords and the Dark Side here is even stronger. It's suffocating enough Anakin can hardly feel any traces of the Light Side at all. There's a sudden lowgrowlingas they walk.
"What's that?" Anakin asks, stilling. It's something alive. He can feel it and it's coming closer.
"It could be a Tuk'ara," Obi-Wan says, "Master Nu says that legend claims that these Sith tombs were guarded by tuk'ata beasts. They were at the service of the Sith."
"Tuk'ara?" Ferus echoes, uncertainly.
"Gigantic creatures. Triple rows of teeth, six inch claws, and three horns," Obi-Wan explains grimly, "They can move on four legs or two, and have two winglike extensions - not functional wings, but poisonous stingers. Very fast."
That sounds...
Bad.
"Let's see," Darra offers, "Stingers, claws, teeth, horns. My favorite kind of creature."
"It's a legend, remember?" Anakin offers as lightly as he can manage.
"Let's hope so," she agrees.
"I... don't... think... it is," Tru says slowly, eyes lifting to the cliffs.
Because three shadows are moving towards them, creatures with long necks that are sniffing the air.
This is going to be quite the fight.
*w*
They do make it past the Tuk'ara, and to the Sith tombs in the valley ahead. The first one they go into ends with some kind of animatedskeletonjumping Darra, pinning her to the floor. Anakin rushes to her side, slashing through it with his lightsaber and knocking it aside. He offers a hand to pull her up.
"You okay?"
"Yeah," she says, a bit breathless. She looks understandably shaken from that.
But they don't have time to linger for more than a moment because then something explodes and a fire rips through the tomb, nearly incinerating them.
There'swaytoo many traps here.
And they can't search every tomb or they're going to run out of time.
Anakin tries to reach into the Force, tries to find where the Dark Side is the strongest. Something nudges him forwards. He doesn't know what it is but it feels like there's something about the Sith Lord himself that calls Anakin to him. It'sunnervingbut at least it's helping them.
They head to the next tomb.
And sure enough, run right into Granta Omega. Though the darkness in here is so thick that even their lightsabers do nothing at giving them light to see their surroundings.
Apparitions of Sith Lords start attacking them out of nowhere and then come the undead came. Korribanzombies.
Sith cando this?
The Sith Lord must have activated them, somehow.
They even have blasters and detonators with them, as they come charging out of the darkness, all of different species and half-rotted. They lookhorrific.Anakin tries not to focus on it as he cuts them down.
But there'sso manyand they won't stop coming.
Tru is surrounded by two of them, trying to fight them off. And then suddenly, his lightsaber flickers.
Like it's dying.
Force.
Horror floods Anakin. It's losing power. He should havementioned it.What was he thinking? The better time to bring it up never came. And now it's –
That wasstupid.It would have been better to bring it up in front of the masters than not to mention it at all and now it's too late. They'reout of time.
He tries to cut his way through the zombies to get to his friend but there's too much between them.
Tru looks to Ferus. They exchange a wordless glance, then flip their lightsabers through the air, exchanging them.
With his lightsaber functional again, Tru throws all his focus back into fighting the zombies and now he's actually winning.
Ferus falls back a little, fighting with the half-powered lightsaber. It's not nearly as effective but Ferus is a better fighter than Tru, so...
And then through the shadows, Anakin sees Granta Omega making for the exit of the tomb.
And beyond him, he's almost certain he sees the flash of a dark robe. A hooded figure who's face is concealed. The Sith. He's escaping. And there's nothing they can do to stop him.
Ferus tries to run forwards.
A group of zombies swarm him and it's right then that the lightsaber starts flickering again.
Darra Force-leaps towards Ferus to cover him, deflecting away shots from the zombies as she does so.
But the move was too fast.
Tooreckless.
Granta Omega fires his blaster several times rapidly. Anakin sees the smirk on his face.
The shot hits Darra straight in the chest.
She falls.
Distantly, Anakin hears Soara Antana crying out.
All he can do isstare.Time seems impossibly slow suddenly, as though everything freezes in that moment, even his heart.
Granta Omega runs.
Force lightning fills the darkness suddenly, blocking the path between him and the Jedi.
Anakin runs for Darra.
A blaster shot burns through his shoulder.
He keeps moving, stumbling to his knees next to her.
Soara Force-leaps to land next to her.
Ferus runs for the exit, after Granta Omega.
Darra's head turns towards Anakin and her master, her cheek pressed against the dirt.
"Darra," Anakin calls desperately, his mind screaming with denial so much he can't truly register what'shappening.
She doesn't answer.
Her eyes cloud over. He sees the way her expression shifts, as though giving in, accepting it – as a Jedi is supposed to.
"Darra," Anakin calls again, frantically, but there's nothing but silence and the sound of blaster fire.
He feels the way her Force presence rips out and fades away. Leaving a gaping nothingness in it's wake.
Darra'sdead.Gone.
It doesn't seem real.
Itcan'tbe real.
And yet her body is lying still and unmoving in front of him, a blaster shot through the chest.
"We must stop the Sith," Ry-Gual's words filter in from far away.
The Sith.
Granta Omega.
The people whokilled Darra.
Now that he's on his knees next to her body, he doesn't think he'll ever be able to get up again. But if it's to bring justice to the people who did it, then –
He knows this is vengeance. He doesn't care.
He runs after Granta Omega.
Ferus and Tru, along with their masters, are both out here already.
Anakin runs into a Sith trap without meaning to. It's an invisible Force field that keeping him in place and he tries to call for one of the masters to help him but no one even hears him. He's trapped, physically and in the Force, right here.
He delves into the Force, trying to break out.
It would help if he could see something other than Darra's motionless form, her empty eyes staring at him. Because he'snever going to see her again.She's justgoneand it doesn't seem possible but their bond is shattered and he can't feel her anywhere and even after they spent so much time apart on missions, he could still feel her faint, soft Force presence far away, dimmed through distance but now even that is gone.
He's shaking and he can't stop. Can hardly breathe.
The Force comes rushing to him like a tidal wave and he lashes outwards. The Force shield shatters nearly with enough force that he falls to his knees.
He knows that was the Dark Side.Again.
Tru and Ferus are both staring at him.
Up ahead, he sees Obi-Wan finishing off Granta Omega, who's still justlaughingas though he didn't killDarra.
They won.
That should be good. He should feel something but all he can feel is a mind-numbing denial.
Anakin turns and runs back for the tomb. He knows what he'll find. There's still a desperate part of him that's hoping he's going to see something else.
But all he sees instead is that the tomb is empty, other than Soara, who's sitting on the floor, holding Darra's body in her arms.
Anakin slides to his knees next to her. Ever since the lessons Soara gave him about being emotional, he's tried his best to keep a perfectly emotionless mask whenever she's around. He hardly has the mind to even think about it right now.
Darra's face looks too calm.
Somehow, it only makes it hurt even more.
Soara's fingers reach up to Darra's padawan braid, gently unweaving it and pulling out the bright colored ribbon she always tied in her hair.
Because she'snever going to need it again.
Her master fingers the ribbon, holding it tightly. Her breathing shakes a little and Anakin jerks up, startled. She'scrying.
One of the most calm, composed Jedi masters Anakin's ever known and it somehow makes him feel even more helpless and lost to see her in tears.
He doesn't remember when he started crying but he can't stop himself. He reaches forwards shakily, taking Darra's limp hand in his. It feels so, so cold.
Lifeless.
He chokes on a sob.
He feels a hand on his shoulder. It's Obi-Wan.
Tru is standing nearby now, watching numbly.
But all Anakin can focus on is thatDarra is dead.
He's never going to see her smile again. Never going to share another joke with her. Never going to have an emotional conversation with her. Never going to tell her any of the stories he's been planning to for months now. She was his best friend, even if they spent so little time together in later years. It doesn't change that the place for her in his heart never shrunk. And now it's going to be forever empty.
Darra's words from years ago after she was first injured on a mission they were on together fill his mind, like a cry of long ago.
Stay with me until I fall asleep. It's lonely here.
*w*
Back at the Jedi Temple, Anakin feels more like a zombie than the Sith zombies on Korriban probably did. Everything feels like it's coming in from far away. Reality doesn't feelpossibleright now. He can't accept that he's never going to see Darra again, never hear her voice, never –anything.
He's supposed to be the Chosen One.
He – he should have been strong enough to save her.
What's the point of his power if it's not even enough to save one of the only friends he's had his entirelife?
If he's really so strong, whycan'the find a way to – to see her again somehow. To – to dosomething.Anything but face the reality of what happened.
Tru and Ferus are both called in for a reprimand by the Council over the lightsaber incident. Anakin waits outside, numbly.
Once, he could never have imagined thatFeruscould ever by in trouble with the Council. He may have once e found it a little bit satisfying in an awful way, that the Council could even be upset enough at Ferus to do that when he's the one who'salways perfect.Now he just... feels a strange attachment to them both that he can't place. Or maybe it's just that he knows how awful that feels and he wouldn't even wish that on Ferus.
Tru's the first out of the chamber, eyes tight and downcast.
"Tru," Anakin calls.
Tru slows reluctantly after a few steps. "Yes?"
It sounds so short. He doesn't understand why. Anakin hardly has the energy to carry on a conversation right now but this must be hurting Tru as much as him. Darra was his friend too. "I haven't seen much of you since we've been back," he offers awkwardly.
"I know."
"I'm... sorry about the censure," Anakin tries instead. He knows how that is. Knows the shame of it, no matter how deserved it might be.
"I deserved it."
Maybe they both did. Anakin knew about the lightsaber too. And hedidn't mention it.He should have. If he had, Darra wouldn't be dead. The guilt is overwhelming, choking him. Yes, it had sort of slipped his mind in the face of realizing what Tru actually thinks about him. But that'snot a reason.Not whenDarra is deadbecause of it.
"Why did you go to Ferus instead of me to fix your lightsaber?" Anakin blurts before he can stop himself, "I could have made sure it was fixed."
"I didn't go to Ferus," Tru replies, "He came to me. He had noticed that it was on half-power at the end of the battle in the monastery. But I wouldn't have gone to you because I wouldn't have wanted to get you in trouble. You would have kept my secret. Just like Ferus did. I was wrong not to tell my Master. I was wrong to let Ferus stay silent. I was just about as wrong as I could be."
"Maybe we all were," Anakin replies quietly, looking away.
"At least an enemy of the Jedi is now dead," Tru points out.
His heart clenches sharply, violently enough to take his breath away. "But so is Darra."
Tru's eyes flicker with pain.
The Council room doors open again suddenly and Tru turns, walking off. Almost as though trying to escape the conversation. Something'schangingand Anakin doesn't understand why. He can'tdeal with it right noweither. Not in the face of Darra's death.
Ferus comes out of the Council chamber, face as serene as ever. "Ferus?" Anakin asks, going over to him.
It feels like he should say something. He doesn't know what. Maybe it's just that he knows how it is to be in the place Ferus is in and even if it'shim,he can't quite bring himself to just walk away and ignore it.
"Anakin," he replies, nodding.
"I guess we all made mistakes," Anakin offers finally.
"Yes," Ferus agrees, though he genuinely sounds too calm for the circumstances, "I violated a rule, one I thought would be minor, and because of that, another padawan became one with the Force. It makes it easy to see why the rules are meant for us to always follow."
That'strue.
It was because they were all being stupid. But it still feels too awful to say as much to anyone else.
"You couldn't have known," Anakin says.
"But I did," Ferus replies, "I knew that Tru's lightsaber had malfunctioned. I offered to fix it secretly. I did not tell his Master or urge him to do so."
It's strange to hear Ferus havingmadea mistake. Weirder that he's actually admitting it.
But it's probably because it'sthe Jedi way.
Anakin doesn't know why now he feels the sudden desire to make him feel better anyway. There's no way he can't be upset over what happened, even if he's hardly showing it. "You thought you'd fixed it," Anakin points out.
Ferus stills, staring at Anakin for a long moment. "You knew?" he asks, "You knew Tru's lightsaber had broken? You must have seen me fixing it."
He'd deserve it if he did get in trouble for that.
It still feels like Ferus jumps on every chance he has to point out things like this. "I didn't say that," Anakin objects.
"No, you didn't," Ferus agrees, "But it was close enough."
He can't deny it.
"When we got back, I took it to the Jedi Master Tolan Hing," Ferus goes on, "He told me that that the fusing between the flux aperture and the power cell needed a slight adjustment. Nothing major - Tru might never have noticed it. Except that in battle, the power drained faster than normal."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because you fixed the flux aperture," Tru says from behind him, "And you would have known that it needed to be rechecked after the power cell boost."
"Then why didn't you come to me?"
Tru shakes his head. "That's funny. Shouldn't you have said, But I didn't know it was broken?"
Anakin sighs. "Look, I did overhear your conversation, alright? But I thought Ferus would have fixed it. I was going to mention it to you but I..." How does he even explain why he didn't. "I knew you didn't want to get in trouble. I would never deliberately put you in a position where you could be hurt."
Tru's eyes harden. They have a sharpness he's never seen on him before. "I wondered," he replies, "When we got back here, I wondered if you knew. I saw how you froze in the tomb. But I didn't think my friend could ever do this. But then I thought about you feel about Ferus, how much you two have always argued. You would want him to get in trouble, even if it meant exposing me."
What?
"No, I wouldn't," Anakin protests, "Tru, that's not whathappened."
"Then whatis?"
"I was going to tell you, but then I – " How does he even say this? "I heard the end of your conversation and..." He didn't want them to know he was there? How does he even –
"So you were angry at me?" Tru asks, "Is that it?"
"No.I was going to mention I just didn't – " Have the chance? It sounds like such a pathetic excuse. It is, considering that it's what led to Darra dying.
"You've always let your emotions cloud your judgement.Always.At first, I thought it was because we were both young but now I think I'm truly seeing you for the first time." Tru turns away.
Anakin tries to find words.
He can't.
This isn't the friend of his childhood, not anymore.
"I'll see you outside," Tru says to Ferus and walks out.
Because apparentlyFerusis his new friend now?
How longhavethey been talking a lot and he never even knew it? "What did youdo?" Anakin demands finally, looking to Ferus.
His mind doesn't feel like it's working. He can't facethis.Doesn't even know how it happened. And now, in the face of Darra being already gone... hecan't do this anymore.
"I didn't do anything," Ferus replies, "I don't control what another padawan thinks of you, Anakin. Or whether or not they're right or wrong about it. But I saw you using the Dark Side too. And it makes me fear for you."
Ferus worried abouthim?
...Right.
Because he has totally always acted with such concern towards him.
He still can't quite find words.
Ferus turns and walks away to catch up with Tru.
Anakin watches them go, wishing he could look away. Doesn't know why he's not.
Darra is dead,gone.
And Tru is walking out on him for reasons he doesn't even understand.
They've squabbled before, of course, but not like...
Did Trueverunderstand him? How much of their friendship was just in his own mind? Born from the desperate desire to havesomeoneafter he lost everything on Tatooine?
The other two padawans reach the end of the hall before Tru looks back.
There's something about the look in his eyes that...
It feels like it hits him in the chest hard enough to knock the air from him. Tru's never coming back. He's lost his friend forever.
All he can do is watch as they disappear from sight, as he's left here alone. Asalways.
Because ever since the moment he left his mother, he's always been alone on some level. His master is still here and now he'sthe only person Anakin has leftbut things with him are so complicated.
Qui-Gon is gone.
His mother is far away and he'll never be allowed to see her again.
Darra isdead.
Tru left him.
The pressure in his chest is tight and crushing. Smothering. He doesn't know how to face it or the guilt or –any of thisbut there's nothing he can do but keepexistingeven when right now, he just wishes he could stop.
It's lonely hereDarra's voice whispers through his mind again.
When he breaks down and cries, it's alone.
As he's certain he will be forever.
Final Notes: Reviews are always appreciated! -
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