Hinata was 17, she'd be 18 in three months. She felt like she could handle herself. She could defend herself. She could voice her opinions to pretty much anyone except Lord Danzo. She was independent, relied on practically no one. She could prepare meals for herself, clean for herself. She could make decisions like making out with Uzumaki Naruto all on her own.
And she did.
His lips moved over hers perfectly she wanted to add. He was so warm. It was perfect because she always got cold easily. She learned to adapt to the cold for mission purposes, but him pressed against her right now was everything she didn't know she needed. She never knew she craved to be warm so much.
Both were pretty green with everything that was happening, but Hinata wasn't surprised when Naruto took the lead. One hand was still cradling her face and the other found its way to her neck. They kept the kiss closed mouth, but he couldn't seem to get enough of being pressed against her.
He was leaning into her so much he could feel his bed shifting. Hinata looked worn and torn, but she smelled of lavender and vanilla. Sweet and calming. Her hair felt like silk and had a shine to it that he always noticed and privately wanted to explore. Her lips were so fucking soft and this time he was going to enjoy the softness of them.
Naruto didn't miss the fact that she molded perfectly with his body. He didn't notice how much they've been secretly depriving each other of this moment. He guessed they always suppressed how much they needed this moment. How much they needed each other. Honestly he didn't know he could feel this insane over someone, it made him not like himself.
It was sick. Crazy even and he welcomed every moment of it. Hinata was his and he didn't want to lose her.
It wasn't just about the intimacy and ecstasy. It was about the affection, the forgiveness, the healing that this very moment was bringing them. He wanted to ask the heavens for forgiveness for how he acted towards Hinata. How he didn't try harder to reach out to her because lord did he feel like he would die if he didn't have another moment like this with her.
They stayed in this position just moving their lips against one another for some time before Hinata's hands came out of hiding. One of her hands hesitantly came up and found itself in his wild hair. His hair seemed wild, brittle and frizzy at first glance, but it was soft. Looks were very much deceiving.
As she started to massage his scalp Naruto froze from his position. He pulled away from her lips and buried his face in the curve of her neck. Hinata could feel his warm breath on her flushed skin and she just let him rest on her while he enjoyed her gentle touch.
Neither had ever been this intimate with anyone before, this all felt new, comforting and good. The kind of good that you wanted, the kind you craved and the kind you could grow very attached to.
Hinata let out a hiss from pure shock and enjoyment when she felt Naruto start to kiss her neck. She unconsciously started to pull him more towards her and a random thought came to her that she never thought she'd be experiencing this with anyone. Let alone with the person she used to dream about marrying as a child.
Naruto's kisses started to trail up her neck to her chin and back to her lips. Hinata gripped his hair just the slightest and in a bold move parted her lips just a bit to get more from him when he kissed her. Having his bottom lip in her mouth ignited a little flicker in him. The situation went from them being comforted to having a craving. Having urges.
His hands found their way to Hinata's waist and pulled her closer up to him. He pulled back slightly from the kiss to lick her soft lips and when she opened her mouth just enough he slid his tongue into her.
The two moaned. Naruto noticed Hinata was becoming more involved with this and was from the sound of things, enjoying it to the full extent like he was too. He didn't want to go back to what they were like before. Spiteful and angry towards each other.
He wanted this, he wanted to move forward with things like this.
He wanted to taste more of Hinata, he noted initially that she must have eaten strawberries today because she tasted of it. Hinata made a move to pull Naruto flush against her, like she was trying to get as much of him as possible before it was like a light switch went off in her mind and Hinata pulled away with a gasp like she just realized something.
Naruto refused to let her turn back away from this. They've started a different type of relationship now, there was no turning back to the fucked up situation they had going on before.
"We shouldn't. We shouldn't be doing such things. Y…You don't know Uzumaki. I'm not the same Naruto."
Naruto smirked at her gibber gabber. His smirk soon turned to a smile and his vivid smile was addicting to her. "You're blushing Hinata."
Hinata paused and just stared at him with owlish eyes, he in return laughed at this and just leaned over to give her a throbbing kiss before pulling away. "I think you're more like who you use to be then you think. Either way, old Hinata, cold-psycho Hinata or this Hinata in front of me. I want her."
Hinata leaned forward and her shaky hands went to touch his face in amazement, she had said and done so many odious things to him. Seeing him still give her his bright smile. His energy and affection made her thrive for it and at the same time she was starting to hate herself more. She was disgusted with herself at how much she tried to break him. "I'm not well Naruto. My mind is all over the place."
Naruto took note at how shaky her hands were and reality set back in at how poor of a condition Hinata really was in. "Danzo did something to you? I know that bastard did. Tell me please, I have to know. That day you went with Anbu, and then Danzo took you…I waited so long, and you didn't come out of that hideout with him for over 3 days."
Naruto held her face steady so she had to look at him and couldn't look away, he was being rough, but the reason behind it was meaningful. He was so symbolic and so very enduring.
At the moment Hinata felt fear. Something she wasn't very keen on feeling lately, but it gnawed at the back of her head. She was confused. Everything for the past four years was written in stone for her. She knew and understood EVERYTHING. Now everything was wrong? Everything was a lie?
"After four years of reprograming I do not believe anyone's mind would be right Naruto. I do not see people I once loved as being genuine anymore. Fond memories I once had of people I love have been morphed to angry, miserable memories. I don't see things and people the same anymore. Everyone is like a target in my mind."
It felt odd to actually admit that and tell it to someone other than herself when she was alone. She felt that if she spoke out to anyone no one would understand her or think of her as crazy for losing and replacing memories like she was. This wasn't normal, this was insane. She was slowly losing it. Going insane.
Naruto looked down at her with an understanding face, no judgement, just understanding. "That's why you push away so hard? All the messed up things you've said or done is kind of starting to make sense. I mean, I've been thinking long and hard about you and your situation so to hear it from you it makes me feel better that my new guess on you was right. Did Danzo…did he try to make you hate me. More than you already did."
At this moment Naruto realized that he was okay with having enemies and people hating him, but the idea of Hinata REALLY hating him and rejecting him made the madness in him go into over drive.
Hinata finally smiled, a genuine sweet smile up at him. He wanted to remember that smile forever. "Actually, I think that was a reason why my mind started to question Lord Danzo and grow so confused with everything he's ever taught me. He told me that Neji didn't care about me. That him caring about me again was all a lie and he still hated me. He must not know that when Neji nii-san hates you. He hates you HARD. He cannot cover it up and pretend otherwise. So I knew that was a lie, and then…then he said you were a monster. That you're a demon and you would betray me and kill me."
Naruto's lips thinned and Hinata watched as anger started to consume his face, she placed a hand gently on his cheek and brought his attention back on her tranquil smile. "But for some reason, I don't know what it is. What childhood fondness of you I cannot let go, but I cannot see Uzumaki Naruto as a demon. You are…brutally honest, very straight forward, you can be selfish at times, and you can be too forgiving. Those are very human like tendencies. You are no demon. I could never see you as such."
Naruto's smile slowly started to creep back on his face as Hinata cradled him, "Yeah? Is that so?" He leaned into her touch and gazed into her eyes.
He was met with a dazzling smile back from her, "Yes Naruto."
"So…you want this too? Me? You want me? Me being a jinchuriki, me being hunted down by the Akatsuki, me being messed up in the head because I keep losing precious people to me. You want all of that?"
Hinata raised an amused eyebrow at his openness and she almost grinned at him, "Yes. I want you and all that comes with you. It appears you have accepted all that comes with me." Which honestly was a lot and Naruto barely touched the tip of the iceberg. There was many more mountains to climb when it came to fully loving someone that hated themselves.
There was a long deep pause after that, "…What about teme-I mean Sasuke! Umm…what about umm you know him. Which mind you I am not even sure he feels the same way! And that DOES NOT mean I would put you below him. I've realized that you're really important to me. I could never put you in ranking with anyone. I think I've stalked you more than I've stalked Sasuke honestly. I mean I guess…I have no clue where I'm going at with this Hinata."
Hinata no longer could hold her laughter in and burst into a full-on laugh while both her hands moved to hold his face steady. When she was able to regain herself she was met with a grumpy looking Naruto. He was already confused and scared about caring on the same level a woman and a man, so he wanted Hinata's guidance a little.
"I-I-I am s-so SORRY." She could barely speak she was laughing so much. She hadn't felt this way in a long time.
"Naruto, I want you. I understand you have stronger feelings for Sasuke. So, you are not sure where this will lead for you and I. I am okay with that. This is the first time in a long time that I feel alive again. While it will take some time to see Uchiha and not be triggered to want to finish my mission, I understand that you may love him-"
"And you."
Hinata paused and stared at him slightly shocked, her hands slid from his face and she looked absolutely lost. "Wha-What?"
"What I feel for Sasuke…I feel the EXACT same way for you. There is no, 'stronger feelings'. It's weird I'm just drawn to you two. I want you Hinata…I-I want youboth. Does that make sense? Is that selfish? If I could have you both I would want that. If I'm being honest I don't want to see either of you with anyone else but me."
Hinata tilted her head to the side and stared at Naruto. She was totally unaware at how NERVOUS she was making him. "Hinata…SAY something. Anything! PLEASE!"
"I don't think Naruto is being selfish? Moments ago I couldn't picture myself with anyone until the afterlife because I thought myself to be so HORRIBLE. I especially didn't think you would look my way or even give me a chance to feel again. You're amazing Naruto. I know Sasuke feels the same for you. You're a light for us."
"So you still want to be with me?"
"Yes."
"But you hate Sasuke. Don't you?"
"…Yes, if I'm being honest."
It was Hinata's turn to see Naruto look at her with a grin on his face and an amused eyebrow raised in her direction. His look was more seductive if she was giving her honest opinion. He looked her up and down and chewed the inside of his right cheek a little while looking at her. "Naruto? What is it?"
She was left speechless when he smoothly pulled her by her collar close to his face, "I think when you say you hate someone you're substituting 'hate' with 'want'."
He let a chuckle out at her deep blush before claiming her lips.
One thing Naruto was not keen on was keeping secrets. He didn't like it. He wasn't some spy or ANBU that sole role was secrecy, he had no ambition to do the sort. So keeping a secret that he was having relations with Hyuga Hinata was not his favorite thing to do.
After that day in his apartment, when the two solidified what they were to each other and talked the whole day and night away, Naruto was very touchy-feely with Hinata when he could be. He couldn't get enough of her now it seemed, who would have thought. No one, honestly.
He didn't bring her up in conversations with Sakura or his other friends like he used to do so fixatedly. Sakura and Shikamaru caught on fast that Naruto was actually pretty mute when it came to Hinata, yet at the end of the day they noticed he would always go home with enough food for two.
Sakura really knew something was going on when he skipped a chance at ramen and said he might just eat something already at home. The guy couldn't even cook. Who the hell was cooking for him?
Honestly Naruto's friends just wanted to make sure he was okay. His sensei did just passed and Naruto for the most part, for a while, was in a depression. A horrible, horrible depression.
He still wasn't in tip top shape mentally and still had multiple somber moments. So while people like Shikamaru and Sakura had their suspicions on who he was bringing dinner home to, they still were worried about him. Especially when they would do random pop-ups to see Naruto and he would politely tell them he was okay and a bit busy and not let them inside.
When did Naruto have manners?
It was starting to bother the pink bombshell so much that she got her sensei involved. Whether he wanted to be or not she bothered Kakashi until he agreed to go check on Naruto.
First and foremost, he had no clue when Naruto opted for curtains and locking his window. Naruto was always open and always wanted to be accessible. When Kakashi knocked on the young blondes window he made sure to listen as much as possible for anything. All he heard was Naruto's footsteps.
Naruto had opened his curtain but did not unlock the window as he looked at Kakashi. A very clear manly way of saying he had a guest and was busy. Kakashi's eyebrow twitched and if he didn't have an answer for Sakura he was never going to hear the end of it. It was like Naruto could read his mind and the two looked at one another for a moment before Naruto put his finger to his lips in a 'Shhh' manner and shifted his body just the slightest and Kakashi could see a sleeping Hinata on Naruto's bed.
Now it all made perfect sense.
Kakashi's face had turned from one of annoyance to a sunshine smile as he gave a two finger salute to Naruto and jumped away. Naruto's secret was safe with him. Sakura would just have to keep snooping
So when it came to keeping their relationship under wraps, Naruto did it. More so for Hinata's sake then his. Hinata wasn't really in a position to announce she was having make-out sessions with the knucklehead of the village.
Plus he wasn't in a comfortable position realistically to announce their relationship either. Right now his main mission was to master Sage mode and to avenge his sensei, to protect the village and himself from the dangers of Akatsuki.
To protect Hinata, himself and theother personhe had deep feelings for from the evil person his girlfriend works for.
Definition of a toxic shit show.
Another reason to keep everything between him and Hinata was the fact he wasn't even in the village at the moment. Naruto had the opportunity to train at Mount Myoboku to learn sage mode and he refused to pass up the opportunity and not master it. Hinata was beyond supportive of him leaving. He in all actuality wanted her to go with him, to pretty much say 'fuck it' with Danzo and come back to the ninja ranks under their Hokage.
He also wished Sasuke would open his pinched fucking eyes and see he was acting like a total dick.
Basically what Naruto was trying to get at was that things in life don't always go the way he wished and wanted. It wouldn't be that simple for Hinata to just leave ROOT. That anus of a man Danzo had a TIGHT hold on Hinata. She still had a weird deep amount of respect for the man and Naruto was sure it was more so institutionalized respect then real genuine respect.
He still treaded lightly when talking about Danzo with her. He wished that Hinata was on a good friend level with Ino that he could ask her to work that family heritage magic and see what the fuck was going on in Hinata's head.
Telling Ino would mean that Shikamaru and Choji found out though, and while he didn't mind that he did mind that if Ino knew, Sakura knew. If Sakura knew, Sai would know, Yamato would know, GRANNY would know. Their whole academy class would know. Her cousin Neji would find out. Too many people would be invading the privacy Hinata and himself both needed right now.
So he kept things to himself for the moment, plus because Hinata asked him to and he didn't want to upset her.
He stayed at Mount Myoboku and trained to master Sage mode and even though he almost turned into a frog numerous times, he was able to gain the knowledge of Sage mode. There were still some kinks that he saw that he had to work out but for the most part he felt confident in it.
Man he was getting so fucking mature!
He was able to focus on training and excel at an amazing pace. It was also nice to know in the back of his mind that he had someone that cared deeply about him back at home. He had been through some rough times lately and things were starting to look up.
That was until he received notification that something was happening in the village.
Akatsuki.
Pain. Of course this was his luck this would happen when he wasn't in the village. At that moment all he could think about was how he needed to avenge his sensei. He needed to protect the people!
He needed to protect Hinata.
If you were a ROOT member, you were ordered to stand down from doing anything to help the village during the Akatsuki attack. Hinata had to stand down, it was a direct order from Lord Danzo.
So she watched. From the wood line, tucked into the very top of a tree, she watched as people suffered. Homes and businesses were destroyed. People's lives were DESTROYED. People were DYING.
Hinata did what Hinata did best. She just watched.
What kind of person was she? Naruto said he loved her, but how could Naruto love a person so empty. So insensitive. She watched people she grew up with fight and be torn down into tears. She did not stand by their side. What side exactly was she on? This side that she was on right now was WRONG.
If Hinata was caught disobeying Lord Danzo's orders she would surely be punished or killed. She was sure he was planning to have her killed somewhere down the road anyways. Still, Danzo was the only family she really had left. Right?
The same fear that sunk into her when her father gave her the option to leave the Hyuga clan or be branded was the same fear that was sinking into her now. She feared to disobey Lord Danzo, she feared the consequences.
She was a coward. Hyuga, Hinata was a fucking coward.
She was so scared of disobeying Danzo that she was willing to watch innocent people die. She was scum. Naruto would be so disappointed in her. Most importantly SHE was disappointed in herself.
They were only together for about two months before he left for training. That small time frame was…amazing. They celebrated his 18th birthday together. She hadn't celebrated anyone's birthday in four years!
She hasn't felt so ALIVE in so long. Naruto made her feel alive, free and clear. She could think clearly. It was like the cloudy, depressing thoughts in her head had a light shine on it. She could see things for what they were. Not for what Danzo wanted her to see them as.
It was a slow process and journey. One she was happy to be taking with Naruto. All they had to do was give each other a chance.
Just thinking about his light made the chills of fear start to fade away from her and she stood up from her position in the trees. She couldn't do this she wouldn't be a coward this time.
When Hinata made her way back into the village she went into a mode that just aimed to help. She directed people screaming and lost were to go. Removed people from rubble and overall did everything possible she could do to be useful. Two familiar men, one with an oversized coat and shades on and the other with a large canine, that hadn't seen her in ages froze but was forced to remember they had to help the civilians just like Hinata was doing.
Her feet were on auto pilot when she made her way to a familiar house, a house she promised to come back to. "Sensei!" A very pregnant lady turned as she was preparing to leave her home and looked at Hinata in shock. "Hinata? What? What are you doing here we all have to evacuate!"
Hinata grabbed her hand and directed Kurenai through the collapsing buildings and panicking people. When someone got too close to Kurenai, Hinata would swat them away or turn them to the direction of the evacuation area. She didn't want anyone to get hurt.
"Hinata…you don't have to do this!"
"I'm sorry."
Kurenai stared at Hinata in shock as they got closer to the evacuation area. Hinata flinched a little when she heard a familiar voice scream the name of the person she was growing very fond of. When Hinata and Kurenai successfully got to the evacuation area Hinata smiled at Kurenai and placed her hand on her sensei's growing belly. It was so beautiful.
Kurenai grabbed Hinata hand's and looked at her in a pleading manner. She just got Hinata back, she couldn't lose her now. "Hinata. Please, don't do anything crazy."
Hinata just smiled at Kurenai, a real genuine smile. "I've been a coward for four years. As a result I've lost people very close to me. I've lost memories, I've lost everything. I…I do not think you would have been proud at seeing how negligent to myself I have been over the years sensei. I'm sorry for leaving the team. I'm sorry for being a failure."
Kurenai pulled Hinata to her so their foreheads were touching each other. Hinata closed her eyes and relished in the feeling. "Hinata! Don't you say that! You are not a failure, have never been one."
Hinata nodded at this before pulling away, closing her robe around her and pulling her mask over her face, "I am being honest sensei, but I won't be a coward anymore."
With that Hinata leaped back into the chaotic crowd and disappeared from Kurenai's sight.