Fandral's arms wrapped around her waist as she leaned against a pillar, her gaze lost in the scenery of Hildskjalf. He was gentle, as he always was when she needed him to be.
His head lowered to rest his chin on her shoulder. "Baldr said you'd be here," he said, lacing his fingers as they rested on her stomach in the loose embrace. "I think he was worried about you." he let out a small sigh at her silence. He still held her.
Loki leaned back, relishing in his presence, his warmth -she hadn't even realized how cold it was until now, with the contrast of his sun-warmed skin against her cold limbs.
She couldn't speak, not yet. Her thoughts were still racing, trying to think of a way to show Odin her true value.
Not as a pawn. Not as… the tool he had always thought of her as. Never again.
She's not seeking validation from him. She just wants him to see she's not broken, despite his attempts.
Fandral didn't push her for words. He knew her better than that. He just hugged her, and stayed with her, bearing the weight of her body while she tried to bear the weight of her thoughts.
She hated Odin. She hated him.
A shaky breath escaped her lips. Fandral's arms tightened around her.
She couldn't even tell him why.
She knew Fandral supported her, and he always tried to understand her. He did, for the most part. But she hadn't- she couldn't-
He didn't know what it was like to be the only storm cloud in an otherwise clear sky. He was a ray of sunshine, piercing through her shadows, warming her with its presence, but ultimately unable to understand.
She sometimes wondered if he wished to know. She often worried he would ask.
He'd idolized Odin ever since they were kids, being Thor's best friend came with Odin's infinite patience and benevolence. He'd never met the monster she had grown up with. She couldn't fault him for that.
She turned in his arms, eventually. She wrapped her own arms around his torso, not ready to give up on the comfort he brought her yet. He started humming -an old song they liked when they were children- swaying them gently to the rhythm.
A sigh.
"Must you?" She heard a young voice say.
Her eyes opened and she saw her little brother, Baldr, staring at them, face twisted in distaste. She held tighter onto Fandral. She could feel the rumble of his laugh in his chest.
Baldr rolled his eyes dramatically, crossing his arms. "Mother wants to speak to you, witch" the imp said.
She ignored him. So he was still mad at her then. Duly noted.
But she was not yet ready to be perceived. She tucked her head further under Fandral's chin. Silent until she heard Baldr huff and walk off, muttering about witches and their lap dogs.
Fandral huffed a small laugh before kissing the side of her head. She allowed herself to take pleasure in his attention, just for a second. It was okay -to be seen by him, he was safe. Her Gullhjarta.
There weren't many things in Asgard that comforted her quite like him.
The realness of his warmth. The intensity of his love for her.
They had never said 'I love you', they just did.
If that was the only real thing she had here in Asgard, then fine. She could wear her mask. But she was done being a fool.
More than that, she was done being a puppet. Odin wouldn't hold her under his thumb anymore.
Slowly, she let go of Fandral, her walls battered but still standing. She smiled at him and he looked vaguely alarmed.
She kissed him. He really did know her so well.
A couple of months later, it was her chemistry professor who let it slip to the class first. She'd already heard the news. From Odin, no less.
It was almost amusing, seeing him tell her about the invitation they'd issued -trying to make it sound like he wanted it that way. Perhaps trying to impress upon Loki the idea that he had control over the council.
It didn't matter. She got what she wanted. But it was strictly confidential until the council made the official announcement.
There was a buzz about it for days before the event even happened. There was excitement, curiosity, and… expectations. It wasn't every day that an outsider was invited -at least not for something like this- to Asgard.
A high school lecture? Rather insignificant in the big picture Asgard was painting.
Usually there were requirements for anyone invited. They had to have something of value to offer Asgard as a whole.
They had to offer their knowledge, their influence, their power -everything of real value- with Asgard's high council. Just for a chance to come.
This counted as knowledge, sure. Even if a bit unorthodox. But maybe it could mean progress too.
For Loki it meant… something else. She wasn't supposed to think for herself. She wasn't allowed to step out of the lines Odin had set for her.
But she had a mind of her own, and she was tired of listening to that man.
Nobody was technically forbidden from leaving Hildskjalf, or Asgard even, but why leave the one place that already has everything an Aesir could ever want or need?
Why indeed, Loki thought.
Howard Stark was a smart man. A bit more eccentric than the average Aesir, perhaps, but that could be nothing but a good thing. His eccentricities were exactly the reason why she liked him.
Asgard thought it could sustain this deluded utopia forever? They had another thing coming.
He would feed young minds with exactly the type of knowledge the council and Odin were afraid of. The concept that they were free to do whatever they wanted, and do it wherever they wanted. Howard would tell them about the Art of Innovation, but the real lesson was the disruptive nature of it.
They could do things even if it wasn't for Asgards benefit, but their own. And it just so happened that those young minds were about to flood Hildskjalf's college, and then trickle down Asgard's branches, only to fall into the same trap Yggdrasil had laid for generations.
Unless they found a spark to ignite their curiosity, same one Asgard had spent years trying to snuff out.
They would be made aware of their options. Howard might be odd, and maybe a little full of himself, but he was inspiring, and undeniably brilliant. She didn't mind an ego when it could be supported by facts.
She had only brought up the idea, and her mother had orchestrated the rest. To make up for Odin's words. Both an apology for her, and punishment for her husband in one fell swoop. Her mother was nothing if not efficient.
She didn't need an apology from her mother, but Loki knew it was the only one she'd ever have. Just as well, she could never forgive him anyway.
Bringing Howard Stark here?
She'll take it.
Even if it was only to see Odin trying to play nice with the man he kept referring to as 'that clown' every chance he had. He absolutely couldn't stand him.
He would've never allowed the council to even consider inviting him, of all people.
But Odin wasn't in the high council. Her mother was.
If there was anyone capable of talking circles around him, it was Frigga. And he always left satisfied, thinking he was in control.
had done this to bring Odin down a peg or twelve.
For her.
Loki bought a bouquet of her mother's favorite flowers and gave her a long hug. Not a word was spoken about it.
Let Odin think this was his idea, that he could gain something from this -that he was the mastermind.
Let him think he had control of Frigga -and therefore the council.
Let him think he still had control over Loki.
That's the way she wanted it.
Next year, she would leave Asgard. Fandral by her side.
She would sharpen her mind, brand it as a weapon, and cut down the 'tree of life' once and for all.