A/N: This fic was inspired by the song "What If It's You" by Reba McEntire. It's by no means a new song, but I came across it the other day and thought of a whole L/L story. It's set at the beginning of season 4 when Luke's helping Lorelai pack up his truck with Rory's stuff to help move her into her dorm room.

On a side note: I'd mentioned some other fics in my last post…I was working on them, but my harddrive is acting up, so I'm hoping those files aren't lost. If they are, then I'd have to start over—which could take a while…sorry!

Anyways, hope you enjoy this one!

Thank you for reading! :)

Now:

"Jeeze, you think you go to a fancy school like Yale there'd be a mattress, in the room."

"Yeah, go figure huh?" Lorelai replied innocently, tossing more bags into the back of Luke's truck. After the whole mix-up with Rory's schedule for Yale, she'd been running around trying to pack a week's worth of prep into a few hours. Thankfully Luke had agreed to let her borrow his truck to move Rory into her dorm the next day, and had even stuck around to help her get everything stowed in the truck bed.

"You packed her stuff in Hefty bags?"

"Hey she's lucky I even had these in the house."

"If you needed luggage you should've asked me."

"You have luggage?"

"Yes I have luggage, why wouldn't I have luggage?"

"You never go anywhere."

"I just went on a 7-country cruise."

Lorelai gasped and spoke sarcastically, "That's right! The mystery cruise that you don't want to talk about."

"I told you, I brought luggage, what more info do you need?" Luke tried to deflect.

"Why won't you, tell me what happened?"

"Because," Luke said forcefully, really wanting to end their conversation there.

"Why? Luke, I swear I'm dying to know, but, every time I bring it up, you spaz out. Why won't you tell me? I would tell you."

"Yes, but I wouldn't want to know." He hopped off the back of the truck and went around the side to where Lorelai was standing. He started rearranging bags that didn't need rearranging, hoping that if he seemed busy enough she'd drop the topic.

Lorelai watched him for a moment. He looked tense. Something was up, she was sure of it. Pushing her hair behind her ears she decided to be even more direct. "Did something happen with you and Nicole?"

"Yes."

He still wasn't looking at her so she tried teasing it out of him. "Whaat," she dragged, "Did you propose?"

Luke sighed. He wasn't going to get out of this conversation, he should've known better. Finally turning to face her, he confirmed, "Yes."

"Oh my God, you proposed?"

"Yes, I proposed."

"T-This is…big! This is huge!"

"There's more."

"There's more, ok, well, what, did she, say yes?"

"Yes."

Lorelai took a breath trying to take everything in. "She said yes. You proposed and she said yes, wow I—"

"There's more."

"And there's more after you proposed and she said yes? What, you—"

"We got married."

"You got married?!" Lorelai exclaimed, unable to help her outburst. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Luke was—she'd expected him to scoff at the suggestion of him proposing, or maybe he'd laugh it off and tell her what a great time he had with Nicole. That, she'd been prepared for. But she'd never expected this. This was so much worse. "H-How could you, ge-get married?!"

"We asked the captain and he married us."

"And that's legal?"

"Apparently."

"So, you're married? You're legally married? This is, just—"

"Actually, there's, a little more."

Lorelai pressed a hand to her stomach, suddenly feeling nauseous. "And she's pregnant. Oh my God, you finally reproduced."

"We're getting divorced."

Stunned, Lorelai looked at Luke plainly. "I-gotta, I'm gonna sit down now."

"It just all happened so fast," Luke started, following Lorelai to her front steps and sitting down beside her.

"Well, yeah."

"I mean you're on this boat in the middle of nowhere and everything's movin' and y-you feel weird all the time, it's just this endless supply of food and drink—uh, midnight buffets, by the way, are the reason the rest of the world hates us—and everyone around us was either in love, engaged, or, celebrating their 100th wedding anniversary, and we were having a good time and, there you go."

"There you go," Lorelai retorted. She heard every word of what Luke was saying but her mind was reeling. That was a lot of information to get in a minute.

"Course the next morning we both woke up and realized we'd lost our minds. We tried to ignore it for a while, you know, went snorkelling, but, by the time we uh hit land, we were separated, and, now we're gettin' divorced."

"Ok, well, my jet lag and your love life is making me dizzy. Is there more?"

"Nope, that's it."

She breathed out an exaggerated sigh of relief. She still had a pit in her stomach at Luke's marriage news, but it was slowly going away. Sure, he was technically married, but he and Nicole had already broken up…so essentially, he was single—Lorelai thought—finalizing the divorce would just validate that.

Now that she'd heard the whole story she could understand why he was trying to avoid talking about it. He'd had a whirlwind of a summer. It was a lot to wrap your mind around. And probably a lot to try and handle on your own…so, despite the rollercoaster of emotions she'd been on for the last few minutes, she was glad he'd told her. At least now he had someone to talk to if he wanted. She looked over at him. He seemed ok, but she could imagine what he was feeling, and none of it was good. She was more than happy that Nicole was out of the picture, but regardless of her feelings, it was still the end of a relationship, and she felt bad that Luke was going through that. "I'm sorry," she offered sincerely.

"Ah, it's ok."

"Well, look on the bright side," she shrugged a shoulder and put a comforting hand on his back, "I mean, now that you've been married, it'll silence all those questions."

"What questions?"

"You know, single man of a certain age who lives alone…"

"You're kidding," Luke surmised. He tried to hide it, but couldn't help but smile. Leave it to Lorelai to find the humour in something he could only see as a colossal mistake. He appreciated her ability to do that—to keep things light when he could easily go down the rabbit hole of 'what the hell was I thinking?'

"Hey, I always defended you. I always said 'Hey, so what if he is?'"

"Thank you for your support," he played along, then got up and went back to the truck. "So is this it? There's a little more space here if you wanted to pack anything else up for Rory. What about the bookshelf in her room, pretty sure I can fit it in."

"Oh no, that's ok, we were going to assess the situation tomorrow and see if a bookshelf is needed. It's Yale you know, I figure if they make the kids read all those books, they provide the bookshelves."

"Yeah but it's Rory, I'm sure whatever they provide won't be enough. Really, I don't mind taking the other one down."

"But if you take down Bennie then where would all of her at-home books live?"

"Bennie?"

"The bookshelf."

"Right," Luke accepted.

"If she needs more space, I'll buy her a new one."

"Ok."

"What you can help me with is getting the last couple of bags."

"Sure, where are they?"

"My room, big trash bags beside the bed, you can't miss 'em."

"Ok," he said, rearranging some bags again.

"It's only like 2 bags…maybe 3 or 4."

"A couple means 2."

"Well tell that to Patty. Word of warning, they're a little heavy."

"I figured. Seriously don't know how you managed to backpack across Europe," he said walking into the house.

"Hey I'm stronger than I look…just, not as strong as you…just make sure you lift with your knees," she called after him.

Luke hummed in acknowledgement and made his way up to the second floor. Marrying Nicole was a mistake—one of the biggest he'd ever made—and he wasn't too big on the idea of anyone knowing about it...but he was glad he'd told Lorelai. Talking to her helped—as it usually did, and now he felt as if some of the weight that he'd been carrying since that cruise had been lifted off of his shoulders. He wasn't completely weightless—he assumed that would happen when the divorce went through—but he did feel better.

He got upstairs and saw the bags immediately, couldn't miss them, as Lorelai had said. He was about to pick them up when he saw an envelope with his name on it on the nightstand beside her bed. Without second thought, the envelope was in his hand. It wasn't sealed, he noted. He could probably take a peak and put it back without her knowing. He wondered if it was some kind of birthday present. But his birthday wasn't for a few months and besides, it didn't feel like a birthday card—maybe she needed him to look over something for that inn she and Sookie had bought. That was probably it, he thought, what else could it be?

Milan, 3 weeks earlier

Lorelai took a sip of her cappuccino, momentarily closing her eyes to savour the caffeinated goodness. She watched a lady cross the street and admired her shoes. They looked expensive and were probably uncomfortable, but God were they pretty. Everything in Milan was pretty. They'd been in Milan for two days and had already knocked a few places off of Rory's 'must-see sights' list. Today, they were taking it easy—more of a freeform, flexible schedule to do whatever they wanted. Rory's version of taking it easy included a trip to a bookstore about 20 minutes away. She went with a couple they'd met at the hostel. They were about Rory's age and—fortunately for Lorelai, had expressed an interest in going to that bookstore as well. Rory had tried enticing her to join them—apparently this bookstore also had a bar in it, but still, Lorelai had opted to stay back. Not only did she have no interest in spending a beautifully sunny day in Milan holed up in a bookstore, but she also wanted to give Rory a little space to do what she wanted to do on her own. She knew a lot of people would probably think it wasn't a great idea to let her daughter venture out on her own in a foreign country—especially not when she was accompanied by two virtual strangers—but Lorelai trusted Rory to make the right decisions, and had equipped her with enough cash for cab fare or to make as many calls as she might need. Besides, it wasn't like it was the first time Rory had ever travelled some place on her own, and, Lorelai mused, in a few short weeks, Rory would be completely on her own. Off at college, making use of those wings Lorelai had painstakingly tried to fashion for her. She hoped she'd done enough. But she wasn't going to think about that now. That was future Lorelai's problem.

Lorelai's version of taking it easy had her wandering around the city, taking in the mid-day bustle of what was a work-day for the locals. If she were honest, she was happy for a little time to herself. She absolutely loved having Rory around 24/7, but Lorelai had a lot on her mind and other than the few minutes she had after Rory fell asleep each night and before she herself started to snooze—there wasn't much time for her to try and make sense of it all.

In her wandering, she stumbled upon a café. It was warm and welcoming with wood floors and accents and a wall of windows that opened up completely, giving the whole place an indoor/outdoor feel. It allowed the ambiance of the street in and let the aroma of delicious coffee and pastries out. That's what had caught her attention in the first place. She sat at a table inside facing the open-air wall. She could see the goings-on outside, but wasn't really focused there—her attention taken by the thoughts that refused to leave her alone since before they'd even left for their European adventure.

She thought about the last time she'd seen him. They were standing outside on the Chilton grounds—just the two of them after Rory had gone off to talk to some of her classmates. He told her he was pulling back from going on that cruise with Nicole. He had doubts—didn't want to lead her on…and Lorelai knew immediately that it was her fault. She'd teased him too much about committing to the relationship and he got spooked. She stood there watching him reel in the excitement he'd shown about the trip earlier in the week and felt terrible. Good friends were supposed to be supportive of their friend's relationships, she'd reminded herself, so that's what she tried to do. She'd reigned in the impulse to say what she really thought and when he'd asked her opinion, she told him to go on the cruise—even if that was the last thing she'd wanted to say. And it was definitely the last thing she'd wanted to say.

But it's not like she could tell him, right? It was the wrong time, the wrong place, the wrong moment…not that there was ever going to be a right moment to tell Luke that ever since he started dating Nicole, all the feelings she had for him that she'd always been able to keep contained had begun to flare-up with an intensity that she hadn't felt since, well, probably not since Rachel had been in town. Only this time she was aware of what those feelings were, and it made it that much harder to see them together. Watching him give his time and attention to Nicole hurt. She had no reason to be hurt, no claim on Luke whatsoever, but still. She felt the pain of it so acutely.

She couldn't tell him that she thought about him. Actually, couldn't stop thinking about him. There was an ocean between them, and she was on a once in a lifetime adventure with her daughter, yet somehow her thoughts constantly went back to him. Did he decide to go on the cruise? Was he on the lido deck catching some rays with Nicole? Was he holed up in the diner barking at Caesar because he'd stayed home and now regretted the decision? Did he miss her? She missed him.

She couldn't tell him that she lay awake every night wondering about what would have happened had she simply asked him not to go on that cruise. Or asked him if he really was about to ask her out that night after her double date with Sookie.

She couldn't tell him he was with the wrong girl. And that she thought she might be the right one.

No, she couldn't tell him. Not only because he was her friend and her having non-friend feelings for him might screw that up…but because he was happy. Just because she didn't like what was making him happy didn't mean that she wanted to ruin it for him. She never wanted to ruin Luke's happiness—annoy him, yes—but actually stomping on something that made him smile? No, she wouldn't do anything to mess with Luke's smile.

So she pulled out the pad of paper and pen that Rory made her carry around—in case they ever hit a language barrier and needed to Pictionary their way out—and started writing. When she was through, she'd tear the pages out and hide it somewhere in her backpack. Rory didn't need to read whatever it was that was about to come out of her. Neither did anyone else for that matter. She just needed an outlet, and this seemed as good as any.

Now:

Curiosity got the better of him. He opened the envelope to find a few pages—clearly ripped out of a notebook—covered in Lorelai's neat but distinct handwriting. Without another thought, he started reading.

Luke,
I know what you're thinking—what the hell am I doing writing you a letter? It seems a little silly to me too, but I can't think of another way to get these thoughts out of my head. It's times like this when I wish I had a crystal ball…or maybe a magic 8 ball would be more helpful. I just, would like some clarity on what might happen in a month, a year, 5 years…but I don't know. I don't know what the future holds…so I'm writing this just in case. I know you're with Nicole. And you seem happy to be with her—happy in that relationship, so I'm happy for you. I want you to be happy, you deserve it. I'm just…confused. Maybe that's not the right word, but it's the best one I've got right now. I've been thinking. Doing a lot of thinking—the kind of thinking I usually try to avoid. And…I really do believe there's someone out there for everyone, myself included…and the thing I'm stuck on, the thing I can't get out of my head is, what if it's you? What if you and I were meant to be together? It makes sense, doesn't it? I think it does. I think we would work. I know we would. But you have Nicole, and you're happy, and I don't want to interfere with that at all. I always figured, if something were to happen between us, it would be in its own time—fate and all that I guess, and I'd just have to be patient…good things take time, that's what people always say. But now I'm wondering if I missed my chance. What if it's too late? Or what if I was meant for you but you were meant for someone else? If that's the case then I think I'll end up alone. Because there's no way I'll find someone that I love as much you. I think if we tried the being-together thing I'd finally get some answers to all of these questions. But I'm losing hope on that ever happening. Anyways, like I said, I was just thinking.
Lorelai

Shocked, Luke read the letter again. Then again; needing to make sure it actually said what he thought it did. He was about to read it a fourth time when he heard Lorelai bounding up the staircase.

"Luke! What did you get lost up here?" She called out jovially as she made her way to the second floor, "Are the bags too heavy? I can help you bring them—what are you doing?" She asked, suddenly serious, as she reached her bedroom door and saw Luke's eyes glued to the pages in his hand. She had a sinking feeling. If those pages were that she thought they were, then this was bad. Very bad. "Luke what are you doing?" She asked again, more urgently, trying to snatch the papers out of his hand. But he was faster. He held onto them tightly and finally met her eyes.

"It had my name on it," he said in explanation.

"It said Luke, how do you know that that was for you Luke?"

"How many Luke's do you know?"

"You don't know who I know!" She blurted out, now slowly pacing her room, eyes closed, one hand on her hip, the other resting on her stomach in an attempt to ward off the nauseous feeling that had returned. She was panicking, and fast. "You weren't supposed to see that."

"I wasn't? Then why did you write it?"

"I just had too many thoughts, I needed to sort myself out, I-I never imagined you'd actually be reading it! If I did I wouldn't have been so—"

"Lorelai"

Something in his voice made her stop. She looked over at him and nearly lost her breath and the softness of his eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She scoffed lightly, still panicking. "You don't tell your friend that you think he's supposed to be with you when he's in a relationship. That's not being a good friend." She said somewhat defensively.

That's fair, Luke thought. He'd been in the same boat numerous times with her—even so… "But if you felt…" he trailed off as he thought back to her driveway just a few minutes ago. The look on her face when he'd told her he'd gotten married. He thought there was something like disappointment in her eyes but had dismissed it because, well, why on earth would his getting married disappoint Lorelai? But now with this letter… "Do you still feel this way?"

Lorelai's eyes dropped as her arms crossed. "I wrote it 3 weeks ago."

3 weeks ago was recent, he thought, but still had to make sure. "So you still…"

"Of course I do," she said as if it were obvious, her face softened.

He glanced down at the pages. This was insane—insanely good, insanely exhilarating, just…insane. If he'd even had an inkling of what she was thinking he would've never gone on that cruise, never even gone on a date with Nicole in the first place. He had a million questions but asked the first one that stood out in his mind. "You thought I was happy with Nicole?"

"Weren't you?" Lorelai shrugged, "You said she was great and you, met her parents, put more salads on the menu for her—you were becoming a Broadway baby for God's sake. I mean I didn't really understand why, but, of course I thought you were happy."

"I wasn't happy…wasn't unhappy either, just, going along with everything."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because you weren't an option," he said honestly, "We're friends. I, thought I couldn't have you, at least not in the way I wanted…so I figured I should try to make something work with someone else. It wasn't really about Nicole. She was just around when I started feeling like that and she'd shown interest so…"

"So you tried," Lorelai stated, finally getting some answers.

"Yeah."

There was a brief silence while Lorelai gathered the courage to quietly ask her now most pressing question. "You wanted me?"

"Want you. For as long as I can remember."

Lorelai swallowed hard. Her panic had turned into an almost overwhelming sense of emotion for the man standing in front of her, confessing his feelings. "Well, why didn't you say anything?"

"Are you kidding? I never thought you'd be interested. You can have anybody you want, why would you settle for the diner guy who goes home smelling like meat, and is, unsociable on a good day, and can't even work up enough nerve to ask you to dinner."

"You are not unsociable. I never—"

"Not with you," he dismissed, "you're different."

Lorelai smiled softly and took his hand in hers. "I wouldn't be settling for you Luke, don't ever think that. You're not just some last-option that you go for because everyone else is taken. You're the guy that you dream about and hope is really out there somewhere." She can see he doesn't quite believe that but pushes on anyway. She could convince him later. "Ask me now."

"Ask you what?"

"To dinner."

Luke's smile came with a blush that spread quickly across his cheeks. He took a breath and despite their conversation, still felt nervous as he asked, "Lorelai, would you want to go—"

That's as far as he got before Lorelai's lips were on his. It was over before Luke could really register what was happening…but that was ok, he decided, because after a quick breath, she kissed him again, softer this time, more intentional. His hands found her waist, tracing her shape as he sunk further into their kiss—for once, letting everything he felt for her take over. He sucked gently on her bottom lip before finding her tongue with his own. She moaned in a way that just made him want to hear it again, so he deepened the kiss. Suddenly he was moving. Lorelai had a tight grip on the front of his flannel and was walking them back towards the bed. They toppled onto it and everything got more heated. Her shirt had risen up exposing a couple inches of her midrift. Luke's hand found it immediately, softly caressing the area. His hand slid up a few more inches, taking her shirt with it as he kissed his way to her neck. He took his time there and had her moaning again. Her hands roamed across his back and dipped into the waistband of his jeans. There was no space between them. He could feel her every movement beneath him—the press of her thigh against his, the way she arched into him—and knew he was reaching the point of no return. If they didn't stop now, he knew he wouldn't be able to, and unfortunately, the rational part of his brain reminded him that while he wanted to continue—and boy did he really want to continue—he wanted more than that, a lot more. No matter how appealing the thought, moving too fast with Lorelai wouldn't be the right move in the long run. And he definitely wanted the long run. So, with a herculean effort, he slowed down their kiss, lifted himself off of her and lay down on his side facing her.

She turned to face him too while they caught their breath. She wanted to keep going, but understood why he stopped. A lot had happened in the last few minutes…all of it good, in her opinion—great really. Absolutely fantastic actually. And it would be incredibly easy to take this opportunity and run with it—fall into bed together and give into those feelings. Incredibly easy. But this was her and Luke and they deserved more than that. They deserved the first date butterflies and the not so subtle flirting. She wanted all of it, and had no desire to rush through all that good stuff.

Finally catching his breath, Luke tried again, "Would you want to have dinner with me on Saturday night?"

Lorelai beamed. "I'd love to."

"Good," Luke returned her smile, then leaned back in for another kiss—and they spent a few more minutes savouring the newest change in their relationship.

Lorelai pulled away first. She thought she knew the answer, but after their conversation she just had to make sure. "Hey," she spoke softly against his lips.

"Hm?"

"Are you happy?"

Luke leaned back to look at her. "Honest answer?" At her nod, his face softened. "Completely."

"Not just going along with it?"

"No."

She smiled happily, almost giddy at the relief his answer brought. "I'm happy too."

She closed the small gap between them, meeting his lips in a soft, passionate kiss. Luke's tongue moved across her bottom lip, then tangled with hers slowly, enjoying the taste of her. Neither knew who moved in closer first, but in the next moment they were fused together in a tight embrace, hands roaming, lips unwilling to be apart for any longer than it took to take a necessary breath. They sunk deeper into the mattress, deeper into each other, settling in.

-END-