Anakin came to a halt once he reached the main door of their quarters, hastily whipped out his keycard, and unlocked the blast door to enter the apartment. He threw aside his keycard on the kitchen table, bolting towards the back sliding door that led to the gardens behind the large tree. He threw his cloak back over his head and slipped outside.
The rain instantly poured on Anakin, soaking his hair not protected by his hood. His combat boots sloshed in the puddles as he trekked the garden paths, his eyes scanning through the haze for his Padawan.
"Ahsoka! Are you here?" he called.
A flash of lighting and a boom of thunder cracked nearby in the night sky, and the rain started hailing faster, further clouding his vision.
"Ahsoka! Where are you? Ahsoka!"
Suddenly, in the midst of his poor sight, he made out the blue and white stripes of his Padawan's lekku and the tops of her montrals on a nearby bench.
"Ahsoka!" Anakin cried, and he ran towards her.
Lost in the flow of her solitude, Ahsoka returned to her reality as she felt something grasp her shoulders and shake her roughly. Typically, her instincts would tell her to jump up and prepare to defend herself from a surprise attack. However, something about the being who had taken hold of her felt…familiar. Their grip on her was firm, yet gentle. She recognized that it wasn't from a place of malice or intentions to hurt her. She sensed that she could trust whoever it was. Shivering, she slowly opened her eyes and made out the blurred shape of Anakin in front of her.
The rain had only intensified since she had slipped into her subconscious. The slapping of the rain hitting the roof of the Temple and the garden clattered as she came around. She could barely hear her own thoughts returning to her head as she woke up.
"Ahsoka! Wake up!" Anakin cried, carefully, but urgently tapping on her face, in the hopes for her to wake.
"M-Master?" she slurred as her teeth chattered.
Anakin could barely hear his Padawan's voice over the lightning and thunder surrounding them. He was thankful for his cloak that kept him partially protected from the rain and kept his head somewhat dry, but his concern for Ahsoka grew each passing moment that she sat on that bench. How long had she been out here? Why was she out here? Had she fallen asleep while meditating? No…surely, she would've sensed the looming storm and would have been awoken by the loud crashing of the thunder and lightning, right? None of those questions could be answered now – what mattered was getting Ahsoka inside before she got sick.
"Snips, for the love of the Force and the light of Tatooine's suns, what are you doing out here in this weather?" Anakin demanded as he wrapped both their cloaks over her and pulled her up.
"Master, I'm f-fine," Ahsoka protested as she clutched her arms, the rain sliding down her. The warmth from the cloaks was welcoming, yet something deep from within her longed to remain outside.
"No, you're not. Come on, let's get inside. Don't think that you're getting out of a big lecture once we get you inside and dry, Padawan," Anakin growled.
"I'm tired. Wanna stay here," she muttered. She was trembling from montrals to feet, her lekku were turning into every shade of blue that they normally shouldn't be.
"Snips, listen to me, you're unwell. I'm taking you inside whether you like it or not," Anakin said sternly as he supported her with one of her arms over his shoulders, and tried to make her walk, but ended up dragging her across the garden.
"Ahsoka, I'm not your personal Bantha! You have to walk, Snips!" Anakin shouted over the heavy rain flying in his eyes and soaking his robes.
Ahsoka groaned. "Lemme go, M-Master," she muttered as they were halfway there as she stubbornly lifted her legs. Anakin kept a firm grip on her arm.
Half carrying, half dragging Ahsoka, they reached the door that led to their warm and dry quarters. Anakin used the Force to slide the door open and dragged the both of them inside, leaving a trail of muddy footprints on the floor. He set Ahsoka down carefully on the couch and ran to the bathroom and returned with an army load of towels.
Ahsoka tossed off the cloaks and her muddy boots aside on the floor and sprawled herself across the couch in her drenched clothes. It wasn't the most ideal position, per se, but it was a certain upgrade from being outside. Sighing from relief, a swirl of mixed emotions brewed inside of her. She was thankful that Anakin cared about her so much to rescue her, yet…she felt partially angry at him for disturbing her peace.
On the other hand, she felt numb to her reality as she sat lay on the couch, staring up at the softly-lit ceiling that the living room's lamp glowed from the coffee table. Anakin had refused to use the main overhead light that their quarters came with.
Before Ahsoka moved in, Anakin couldn't care about the state of his quarters, much less the interior of it. As long as it could safely store his droid and mechanical tool collection, preventing Obi-Wan from throwing it out when he was on a mission, that's all that mattered. After Ahsoka became his Padawan and moved in, he recognized that their quarters served as a place of a home for her. She had grown up within the walls of the Temple, only leaving for the few training missions she went on pre-Clone Wars.
However, once the Clone War broke out, forcing the promotion of Younglings to Padawans at an accelerated rate, Ahsoka was forced to grow up. She was raised in the stable, quiet life of the Jedi Order, away from the battlefield. There was no need for her to worry about survival or saving hundreds of lives in her hands. Upon being assigned to Anakin, within hours, she had been plucked from that quiet life and thrown onto the frontlines of the war. Did Ahsoka think she was ready for anything, being the stubborn, prideful Snips Anakin knew her as? Of course. But deep down, they both secretly knew that neither of them could ever be willingly ready to help lead a war, let alone only being fourteen and nineteen at the time.
Hopping from cruiser to cruiser, battle to battle, the two spent a majority of their time away from the Temple that they had grown up in, spending sleepless nights and countless days fighting to save the galaxy. Whenever they would return to Coruscant, one of the first things, to Anakin's notice, Ahsoka would do was shut herself away in her tiny bedroom for hours, only returning for meals or to use the restroom. Whenever she would return to the artificially-lit living room of their quarters, Ahsoka would complain of a headache and how she would have to go lay down again. At first, Anakin didn't understand why she would do this. But now, to his understanding, Anakin thought of it to be a way for her to cope with her rapidly changing environment as she grew up surrounded by war. It was an overwhelming time to be so young, especially with the weight of the war on your shoulders.
Now, Anakin recognized, their quarters were a sort of a safe haven for Ahsoka. It was the little sense of stability that he could provide for her in terms of a home. While she may no longer be a Youngling, she would always long for the sense of safety and comfort home would bring her. Anakin took it under his responsibility to provide Ahsoka that sense of comfort. He had scavenged through his spare droid parts and constructed smaller lamps to utilize throughout their quarters, casting a sort of a friendlier light to Ahsoka's sensory sensitivity whenever she would return. The two now had established an unspoken rule – don't ever use the overhead lights.
Anakin had returned from the bathroom with enough towels for each clone in the 501st. Ahsoka eyed them as Anakin dropped them onto the messy coffee table.
"A-are those really necessary, Skyguy?" she asked, with a hint of sarcasm in her voice as her chattering teeth started to settle down. Anakin tossed her a half dozen or so towels, and she gratefully wrapped around shoulders. "I didn't go on a hike on Kamino!"
"Yes, Snips, since you were out in the freezing rain for so long," Anakin replied sternly, offering Ahsoka a cup of freshly brewed cafe. She took it from him, drinking it slowly. The warmth from it filled her, settling her in a much more comfortable state.
After a few moments of silence, Anakin sat beside Ahsoka on the couch, hoping she was willing to talk to him more now.
"Why were you out there, Ahsoka?" he asked, mindful of his tone. He was upset that she had put her health at risk, but he didn't want to scare her from telling the truth by making it appear that he was angry with her.
She shrugged. Truthfully, she didn't know exactly why she went out there herself. Of course, she wouldn't openly admit that to Anakin, but she knew that he could sense when she was lying, so it was no use in putting in the effort to fib about it.
"I dunno…" she muttered, looking down in shame at her reflection in the cup of cafe in her hands. "I just…I just liked to see the gardens, especially in the rain."
Anakin raised an eyebrow. He could tell she was holding something back, but he couldn't quite figure out what. As he tried to analyze her Force signature, he recognized that her guard was up.
"You can talk to me, Snips. It's okay," he reminded her gently, hoping that – just this once – she would let her guard down, even just a little. The Jedi Order had taught Ahsoka to suppress and conceal her emotions, but Anakin had always encouraged her to express herself when it was safe to do so. Usually, she had no problem telling him exactly how she felt—so why was she shutting him out now?
She sat quietly on the couch for a few moments. Anakin sensed that she was deep within her train of thought, trying to form thoughts into words that he could understand. Ahsoka took more sips of her drink, finishing it before she spoke again.
"I've…" she lost her sentence, losing all confidence in herself. She looked up at her Master again, sitting beside her and giving her a trusting, listening look in his eyes. It was a look very similar to the one that told her she could trust on a risky mission or battle plan, the same one that helped to ground herself whenever going onto the battlefield was difficult to cope with.
Dammit, she thought to herself. Whenever Anakin looked at her that way, it made her feel the safest she could ever possibly be and made her want to confess all of her worries to him. Ahsoka couldn't lie to him, it was impossible! She had learned quickly that lying on the battlefield cost lives—especially after that mission to the Citadel a few months ago. It wasn't worth going through that pressure to maintain her stride when the agonizing, raw guilt she felt for betraying Anakin's trust brewed in her chest.
But…she thought again. What Anakin didn't know this time, wouldn't hurt him. This wasn't some battleplan or mission she was lying about this time, this was just some stupid feeling of being overwhelmed as the war heightened that made it hard for her to focus on her Jedi training. No big deal, right? She could attend a few guided meditation sessions with Master Yoda to help sort out these feelings and would move on. It was no use confessing how she felt to Anakin and make him grow more worried about her than he already was. He had a lot on his plate, being her Master, a General of the 501st, and even maintaining the secrecy of his forbidden relationship with Padme (new to Ahsoka's knowledge) – all while conforming to the life of the Jedi. His attachment to her would only strengthen his concern. And knowing Anakin, he would surpass his own needs until she was okay.
She took in another slow breath, trying to regain her composure, yet her confidence failed to return. "I don't know what I was going to say. I'm sorry you worried about me, Anakin. I went out this afternoon to meditate. I suppose I got too carried away in it and didn't realize it started to rain." Ahsoka got to her feet, water still dripping down her wet leggings. "I'm going to go shower and I think I'm going to go to bed now, okay?"
Anakin's face fell. "But, didn't we say we were going to watch some HoloTV tonight? Your favorite's on, A Day in the Droid's Life has their weekly rerun! Plus, you haven't eaten dinner yet, aren't you hungry?"
"Nah, I'm not feeling too great, so I'm gonna skip dinner. I know we did plan on watching it tonight, Anakin, and I'm sorry. I'm just exhausted and I need to sleep. We have a big day tomorrow, remember?" she added, the last part sprinkled in fake excitement about their upcoming mission they had to leave early the next morning for.
"Do you need to take your temperature?" Anakin suggested. If she was too ill to even stay up or eat, then she may be too ill to go on the mission.
She quickly shook her head. "I'm okay, thanks though." All she wanted to do was be by herself, she was in no shape to keep engaging in this conversation. Ahsoka turned her back towards Anakin and began to retreat to her room. "Night, Skyguy."
"Ahsoka–" Anakin said, getting to his feet and following her. "Come on now, talk to me, please? Are you okay?"
"Anakin, I told you - I'm fine," she snapped in the doorway of her bedroom. Her lekku darkened in irritation. Ahsoka didn't mean to snap at him, she just needed her own space and was growing frustrated at how he couldn't seem to take the hint.
"Snips, it's just…you left and were gone all day without leaving a note, or answering your comm when I looked for you, you sat out in the gardens in the rain, and now you're shutting me out again. I just want to make sure that you're okay. You…" he trailed off, he couldn't bring himself to say the next part.
"You what?" Ahsoka demanded, even though she probably wouldn't typically dare to know what Anakin's unfinished thoughts were. But, if they involved her, she thought she had every right to what he truly thought of her.
Anakin's anger boiled over within himself. "You haven't been you recently, Ahsoka. You come home, ignore me, and just shut yourself in your damn room all the time and barely even acknowledge me when I talk to you. I'm your Master, Ahsoka, I hate it when you shut me out like this!"
"Well, in case you haven't realized, Master, I am my own damn person who has her own right to privacy!" she shouted.
"You know what, Ahsoka, I don't have the patience to talk to you right now," Anakin growled, clutching his hands into fists, his prosthetic one almost shattering into pieces.
"Fine! I didn't want to talk to you in the first place, anyway!" Ahsoka cried.
"I DON'T CARE, AHSOKA! CAN'T YOU JUST TALK TO ME, FOR ONCE, WITHOUT YOUR SNIPPY AND SMART-MOUTH ATTITUDE?!" he bellowed.
Ahsoka was taken aback by his words. She took a step back, an expression of pure hurt vivid on her face. Anakin's voice echoed off the metal walls and came flying back at her faster than a battle droid firing a blaster had.
Anakin was horrified at what he said, regret instantly filling the void of frustration that had bursted into anger moments before. He stood there, looking down at his poor Padawan, whom he had grown to care for after a year of being a Master. He didn't mean a single word of what he had said, he was simply angry at himself that she didn't feel comfortable talking to him about whatever it was that was bothering her.
"Oh Force, Snips… I'm sorry – " he sighed.
"Really? Really, Master? After everything that I've been through with you, after everything that we've been through, you know what, if I'm such a burden, then why do you even bother keeping me around?" she cried. Her lekku flamed a warning shade of deep blue.
"No! Look, Ahsoka, I didn't-"
"Well, if you truly think of me like that, then why in the galaxy are you taking the time to talk to me? Don't you have a Jedi Master resignation form to file for your "snippy and smart-mouthed" Padawan?" Ahsoka snapped. "You know what, fine! I'll get out of your way. I get it, you've never even cared about me."
"Ahsoka, no!"
Anakin's words had no impact whatsoever. Ahsoka, giving one last glare at Anakin, turned and slammed her bedroom door in his face.
"Ahsoka, please?" he called in desperation from behind the closed door. "I'm sorry."
"Go away, Anakin," Ahsoka said, failing to conceal the hurt behind her words.
Anakin lingered for a moment, staring at the closed door as if willing it to open, as if hoping she'd change her mind and let him in. But the only sound that followed was silence.
He exhaled sharply, running a tired hand down his face. The weight of his failure pressed heavily on his shoulders—he had pushed too hard, let his frustration win, and now she had shut him out completely. And tomorrow, they'd have to set all of this aside and pretend nothing had happened.
With one last glance at Ahsoka's door, Anakin turned away, his heart heavy with regret, and disappeared into his own room for the night.