Bella Swan - Forks, WA
Thursday, August 26, 2004

It started in Spanish. I was on the other side of the room, because I had gotten to class late and the seats next to Angela, Lauren and Jessica were all taken. Angela gave me a strange look as I sat down and kept whispering to Jessica throughout the hour. As soon as class was over, Angela made her way over to me and leaned in.

"They gave your seat to someone else." She whispered quickly, and then turned to find Lauren and Jessica heading towards us.

"Whatever she just told you is a lie." Lauren motioned her head towards Angela.

"Really?" I raised eyebrows with a curious and worried look on my face, flashing Angela a questioning glare. She gave me a pained look in return, but I couldn't betray my goal. I knew Angela was telling me the truth, but I wanted to see how far they would push this, because it felt like a chance to gain some distance from Lauren.

"Angela's blowing it out of proportion. We just thought you might not want to sit with us so we didn't hold you a seat" Jessica explained, as if trying to charm me into something.

"So this is about a seat next to the three of you?" I asked innocently.

"Yeah, we didn't save one for you." Lauren replied somewhat bluntly. Jessica's expression faltered slightly.

"So you're saying it was intentional?" I kept my expression confused, as though I had trouble figuring out the situation.

"Well yes." Jessica admitted. I narrowed my eyes at her and let my face fall into a deep angry frown. Jessica looked a little stunned, then I could see in real time as she realized I was playing dumb play across her face. Her previously friendly and open expression instantly shifted to a hostile look.

"First, that is a lousy excuse to ditch me. Secondly, Angela didn't lie about anything, and you just accused your friend for no reason." I stood and leaned in a little as I spoke, and risking a glance towards Angela I found that she was deeply relieved but also clearly confused.

"I.. it doesn't matter. Angela's theatrics are beyond tiresome." Lauren said with a nasty tone of voice showing a level of impatience and irritation that was unwarranted for this kind of small drama.

"Do you two realize how poorly you have been treating her? In the short time I've been here, you two have treated her with nothing but snark, sarcasm and occasionally outright hostility. Has she done something that offended you?" I tried to modulate my tone so I didn't sound hostile or aggressive, but I had to know what was going through their minds. Was this going to be it? Would Angela finally know what her 'friends' thought of her?

"She exists, that's good enough." Lauren's expression turned even uglier, as a sneer curled up one side of her mouth.

"That's it, I'm done. I thought you would come around Lauren. I thought somewhere inside of you was still that sweet girl who gave me her barbie because my mom didn't like them. And Jess, you are the smartest kid in school but lately you only seem to care about two things; being Lauren's flunky, and flirting with Mike fucking Newton. Who might just be the most boring and generic guy on the planet." Angela was yelling by the end of her rant, her frustration not just bubbling to the surface but actively exploding out of her.

"That's fine with me Angela, good riddance!" Lauren almost spit out and turned quickly away and stomped towards the exit. Following her gaze I realized half the class was at the door listening to our argument. I wanted to laugh, but instead I just positioned myself next to Angela in support, who was shivering with anger, and was in some kind of staring contest with Jessica.

"Jessica, please snap out of it." Angela finally broke the silence, pleading with her. Jessica frowned and shook her head.

"Lauren's right, I don't need your criticisms right now." She turned and stormed off after Lauren who had barreled right through the mass of students.

"I guess that problem is solved." Angela managed to get out as her shoulders slumped, and she let out a small strangled laugh.

"We don't need them." I said bumping my shoulder against hers, and she turned and gave me the biggest hug I've had in years.

Heading for lunch it occurred to me that we were in uncharted territory. I was curious how Ben would react. Would he leave the cool table and follow Angela? The future of their non-relationship was likely in the balance. Or maybe I was blowing things out of proportion.

Lauren and Jessica were at our usual table, along with two girls I'd passed in the hallways a few times but had never even made eye contact. Mike, Tyler and Ben were there too. Angela stopped as we entered and immediately turned around. I followed her to the Gym which was dark and empty where we sat in the bleachers in silence for a while.

After a time I cleared my throat and she looked over. "Was one of those girls Leslie?" I asked, guessing about her reasons for leaving.

"Yeah, he was talking to her. I guess he picked the cool kids. I shouldn't be surprised." She didn't sound as upset as I thought she would be, it was a difficult thing to realize a crush was never going to happen.

"You're twice as cool as they are. Plus, you're a talented musician, let Lauren Mallory top that." Admittedly my attempts at encouragement were not the best, but Angela laughed when I made the comparison. I gave her a confused look and she just smiled at me wistfully.

"You would've found out eventually, but Lauren is a prodigy. A classical pianist who tours during the summer performing all over the country, and has even done guest spots for orchestras in Berlin and Paris. I understand she's already being groomed to go to Juilliard." She continued to laugh silently, but a sad look came over her and she stopped and looked down at her hands.

"Okay, that's kind of amazing." I admitted, because I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"I'll never be like that. But that's okay, I don't know if I could handle that kind of pressure. But that is the reason she's such a bitch. And it's kinda why I've given her a lot of slack until now." She looked at me with what I could only guess was guilt, but I couldn't understand why she should feel guilty.

"She must be under a lot of pressure. But that's no reason to blame yourself. What she just said was awful." I placed an arm over her shoulders and pulled her into a hug.

"Lauren isn't the only one. You know Jessica gets nothing but crap from her parents, even though she is an honors student in line for Valedictorian. She wants to be the first kid from Forks to get into Oxford." Angela sounded like she was proud of Jessica, and I could understand the feeling. Until today they were her close friends. Whether that friendship would last beyond today was totally unknown.

I thought about it for a bit, and then asked the most obvious question. "Alright, so they have their reasons for being self involved and overwhelmed, but why take it out on you?"

"That's the thing I don't understand. I've been nothing but supportive and they just dump on me." She closed her eyes, clearly in pain and a few tears fell.

"Then they aren't friends." I said with a hard voice.

"You're right, but maybe I should try to mend things with Jessica." She was lost, her childhood friendships were all but gone. I was so angry that I almost wanted to hit something, it was so unfair.

"Angela. From what I've seen they aren't worth it. Maybe down the line when they grow past their current problems. But right now I don't think they fit into your world, and their presence is only making things harder for you." I knew this was an uphill battle, getting her to accept would depend on how fast she could get through her grief over the loss of friendship.

"But I've known them my entire life, I can't just give up on them." She said almost pleading with me. Yet she wasn't exactly asking for permission, it felt more like she was hoping I would agree with her. I guess denial was as good a place as any to start.

"I get that. Last spring I had a similar falling out with someone. Jeremy and I had been going to school together for years and he was my best friend, well sorta. He had this tendency to push me away whenever we got too close. Yet we were also constantly flirting, until one day he finally asked me out. He took me to a nice dinner, and then we went to this little lake and I wanted to make out with him. Then I realized he wasn't for me." Relating my experience with Jeremy was still oddly affecting, I hadn't realized I was holding on to that pain quite so tightly.

"What changed your mind?" She asked, pulling me out of the past.

"He had cigarettes on his breath." I said simply, because I still didn't really have another explanation.

"While gross, I'm not sure I get the reason." She scrunched her nose up, and gave me a look like I needed to explain better. I thought about it, really pushing against that feeling I had back then, the one that told me to step away from him and what might've been. The confirmation he was a jerk was enough, but I hadn't really figured out the underlying reasons. Then it hit me, which caused me to frown deeply.

"It's kind of hard to explain." I started, and she nodded in encouragement. "It came down to this feeling I had that he wasn't right for me. The cigarettes just confirmed it. Until just now that was all that I had really understood about my decision. Looking back though, I can see there were a ton of red flags. He made several cruel remarks about other people in front of me, and never really showed me a bit of support or friendship. He was also a massive flake, and combined with the smoking… I just couldn't. So when I rejected him, he practically shoved me out of his truck. Then he left me stranded, miles away from home screaming bitch as he drove away."

"What an ass." She was shaking her head in sympathy.

"Exactly. I just couldn't see it before that moment. I'd been friends with him for too long." Which brought me to my point, and she slowly nodded in understanding.

"So you're saying I can't see Jess and Lauren for who they are?" She said working it out, her emotions at war with her intelligence.

"Maybe, and it isn't a one-to-one correlation. I'm just saying that you have been upset and fed up for a reason. Jessica rejecting you when you gave her a choice kind of says it all, unfortunately. Perhaps she will grow out of it, but do you really want to wait for her? From what I've seen you're better off without either of them." I could see something click for her, and it wasn't a joyful expression. But then she did look at me and smiled.

"Thank you." She said softly, just above a whisper.

"For what?" I gave her a quizzical look.

"Being you." I could tell I was important to her now, and I felt the same in return.

"The feeling is moo-tual." I changed my voice a little, giving it a very bad German accent.

"I love Mel Brooks!" She jumped a little, clapping excitedly. She had picked up on my somewhat obscure movie reference, which just made me want to hug her.

"I'm sorry for not being here. I should've been here years ago." It was my turn to feel guilty, had I known someone I could call a best friend was up in this place… but there was no point in beating myself up.

"Well, you're here now." She pulled me into another hug, and we stayed that way until the bell rang.