The important thing to remember for this chapter is that in episode 3 there was that scene where Naruto captured Sasuke and impersonated him to Sakura. Personally, I think this is a massively impactful scene for Sakura and a lot of canon can be explained by it. I hope you'll see why in my Sakura-perspective.
Also, can we talk about how Sakura specifically tells Naruto (as Sasuke) that she finds him annoying and instead of, say, figuring out why she feels that way and making her feel more comfortable around him, Naruto decides to try and make her hate Sasuke instead? I can't even.
(See the end of the chapter formore notes.)
Chapter Text
Sakura had barely been a kunoichi for a day and she was already failing. She'd been thrashed within 10 minutes of her first real -4 combat casualty,Iō-hakasehad written on his clipboard.
It was bizarre to see the words there. They felt real in a way the print in her textbooks and pamphlets didn't. But it wasn't this crashing sense of right-ness like she thought being a kunoichi would be, not the bubblingit's here, it's here, she was bracing for, and it wasn't some deep moment that shifted her entire being and hardened her into something better. No, reality was penned in dismissively, without even a reprimand, and it felt like internal bleeding. A dull ache and some joint pain, but nothing you'd really take notice of except for the circumstances.
Type-4 combat casualty,it didn't continue like the pamphlets did but Sakura remembered enough of the rest to fill it in anyway. A 37% field mortality rate, correlation of .64 to further mission losses, .81 to death in extended combat, average survivable delay in treatment – 10 hours.
AndTentendid this to her like it was nothing. And her sensei had let Sakura sit with it like it was nothing.
Iō-hakase had continued to write:training (in-village)under the 'Cause' box, dismissed the 'Complication Risks' check-list, and left two slanted ticks on each the related sections for debriefings and mission substitutions and other things that didn't seem medical at to active duty, 0700.
Kaa-san and Tou-san were probably worried out of their minds already, never mind how they'd be when she didn't show up for dinner tonight or breakfast tomorrow. She'd asked a nurse if there was a way to send them a message and he'd just looked at her like she was an idiot. He'd come back sometime later to offer her use of a phone, but her parents were ordinary people – what would they be doing with a phone?
The firstiryō-nincame back a few times to check on Naruto, though she didn't seem to care about Sakura or Sasuke much. She must have been very busy, always checking the hall to make sure nobody needed her again and she only stopping by for a minute or two each time.Iō-hakasewas much nicer. He was tall and broad, the sort of man Kaa-san would call handsome, (though Sakura much preferred Sasuke, obviously). He stopped by with puddings, which Sakura promptly pushed out of sight, and a bunch of papers he insisted were games even though the folder they came in was clearly marked 'Cognitive Rehabilitation'.
But evenIō'sattention didn't make her feel good like it should, because Sasuke hadn't looked her way for two hours.
Sasuke wasn't going to immediately return her love, she knew that, but she'd made such great progress today. At lunch, Sasuke had come up toher, said her forehead was charming and then joked with her and clearly had been about to kiss her before he lost his nerve. He had acknowledged her; he had a side to himself that was shy and sweet and funny andcared,and he'd shown that side tohereven when it was hard for him to open up.
Then he had gone back to being rude, and he was ignoring her now, but what happened earlier couldn't have just disappeared. It meant something - even if Sasuke was too cool to show he knew it too. Sakura could be patient. People were complicated, and Kaa-san always said love was difficult, so if Sasuke needed time and reassurance then she would be there for him when he wanted to talk again.
And in the meantime, Ino would be so jealous that she had already seen Sasuke's bare chest. Likemarriedpeople did.
Naruto snorted then, loud and snuffling "Ayame-chan... it's so...mnh...so spicy," he mumbled, "why is it so spicy?" Spicy? This idiot got his neck torn open and he was dreaming aboutfood? He groaned more, displeased and pained, "...water, Ayame-chan."
She didn't know who 'Ayame' was, or what a girl would be doing hanging around a guy likeNaruto. He wasn't exactly pleasant lunch company.
"Water...'m thirsty..." he kept repeating, arm blundering out towards the end-table, his lips smacking loudly.
This was too much. No way he wasn't awake already! Sakura tried to ignore it, but Naruto wasn't quitting so she took the high road – getting up to shove one of the hospital's provided water bottles into his hands. He jerked up at the contact, blinking blearily at her, and Sakura twisted off the bottle cap roughly.
"You're in Konoha Hospital," she reported like the textbooks said she should, "Condition: stable." None of the rest really mattered here, and from Naruto's confused face he didn't really register what shehadsaid, but it was more for Sasuke than Naruto anyway. She was a good teammate and she could show it, could manage Naruto even if she hated him.
"Sakura-chan, you're talking funny."
She glared at him, arms crossed, before stalking (floating - she was a composed, poised kunoichi, and she was floating) back to sit on her bed. Ithadfelt weird, reporting like that. Maybe she was doing it wrong? "We all lost our matches," she grit out instead of throwing something at him, still stiff and professional-like.
Naruto gulped the water messily, spilling an impossible amount down his chin. His face was turned from her and he seemed upset – he always was a sore loser. "Ah! AH!" Naruto seemed to realize something, pointing over at Sasuke, "I missed the bastard's fight – did he lose badly? He lost, right!"
She had just explained that. Properly, too. 'We all lost our matches,' this boy was seriously stupid!
Sasuke didn't say anything, so Sakura couldn't either or it would sound like she was rubbing in Sasuke's loss, so she didn't. Naruto took that as admittance and shame, and started crowing and jeering towards Sasuke. Like Naruto had done any better!
"Sasuke-kun lasted at least three times as long as you did," she cut him off, "andhedidn't need emergency medical treatment after."
Naruto's face scrunched, "Why's he here then, huh? He must have got hurt just as bad!"
"He didn't pass out! You did, and were almost killed, it's not the same."
"I'm notweak. No way I wasgonnadie."
Sasuke tsked. "You are, and you were," he said, the first he'd spoken sinceIō-hakasehad left, "Complaining doesn't change anything,usuratonkachi." Then he turned away again to look out the window.
Naruto puffed up, but he didn't have much to say to that, so he just scowled after Sasuke. His stomach growled loudly, and Sakura mutely handed over her puddings. She didn't have much to say either, the matter-of-fact way Sasuke had said what he did just repeated in her head.
You are weak and you are going to die. Plain and casual, like theType-4 combat casualtyscrawled on her file.
Kakashi said he'd come back for his brats, and either they had forgotten about that or they were placing a considerable amount of trust in his word. They hadn't seen him for several hours now and seem to care where he'd gone. The first was intentional, the second was a little insulting.
He needed them to stew for a while, bond a little if they could. Agonize over shared hurts, hopefully realize how out of their depths they were. Effective team bonding required at least the illusion of choice; co-operation had to be willingly gifted. It was a tiresome thing to facilitate. Kakashi normally just reserved a private room and bought his team a few dozen rounds of high-proof liquor, but for whatever reason that was not an approved form of entertainment for 12-year-olds. Not that he wanted to see a drunk Naruto, Kakashi just didn't particularly care enjoy watching him whine about hospital chicken fingers and yellow mustard either.
If he could, Kakashi would have gone home and brought the kid his ramen, he was so annoying. But that would have interrupted his spying, and, as a clone, Kakashi found it too risky to expend the chakra for another clone. Instead, the Kakashi-clone's eye had dutifully kept on his threegenin, (except for that first little stroll to the lobby and then a detour to the vending machines. Clones didn't strictly need to eat, but they had stomachs just the same as the original and hunger pains were not what he would want to remember when he dispelled.)
Dinner came and went, but none of the brats seemed much interested in getting to know each other. It was up to him to 'guide' the interaction then. Lovely.
A nurse came to collect their trays. As she slid the door shut on her way out, Kakashi quick pulled a visitor's chair into a kawarimi and appeared in the room with a softpoofof smoke.
"Yo," he called. The chair clattered softly in the air vents, but it was late evening and cool enough the A/C was barely going.
"EH! WHO ARE YOU? WHAT WAS THAT?" shouted Naruto.
Kakashi blinked back at the genin, who evidently had passed his graduation exams by amiracle, and turned to look at his other two brats. At least they seemed quicker on the up-take. "Hatake Kakashi, yourjōnininstructor. We met earlier."
"You never actually introduced yourself earlier," said the pink one rather sensibly. He supposed he hadn't, he was quite used to nobodyneedinghis name before, after all. ANBU didn't use them, and even if they did, he was a famous enough shinobi that everybody who needed to already knew him. How long had it been since he'd last spoken his name out loud?
"Let's all introduce ourselves then."
He grabbed another visitors' chair and sat astride it, leaning forward across the back of it. Sakura bit her lip, asking, "What are we supposed to say?" As if that didn't say enough about her already.
"Things you like..things you hate..dreams for the future..hobbies..." Kakashi listed with all the patience he could muster, "things like that. We'll discuss what that means for your career as shinobi and what that means for this team." He pulled out his notebook again, just to seem serious. He should start putting something in there if this was going to be a pattern.
"Why don't you tell us that stuff first, so we can see how it's supposed to work?"
Give the preteens a weapons manual and they can figure things out, but tell them to introduce themselves and they need a demonstration. "Well, I've said already my name is Kakashi. Things I like, things I hate, I've got plenty of both. Dreams for the future? Haven't much thought about it. I research and craftjutsuin my spare time and I've beenjōninfor a while, now. Next is you." He gestured vaguely towards Naruto.
"I'm Uzumaki Naruto! I like ramen! Cup ramen or especially the ramen Iruka-sensei treats me to at Ichiraku's. I don't hate the three minutes it takes for cup ramen to cook, and I don't like whatever 'chicken fingers' are. My hobby is comparing different ramens. My dream is to become Hokage and make the village acknowledge me!"
He knew it had been coming. He still had been hoping the file was wrong and he didn't have to deal with this shit. Kakashi still put on his blandest, most unimpressed tone. "You want to become Hokage?"
"Un, I'm going to be the strongest ninja ever! That's why I can't give up!" He steeled his face like he expected Kakashi to tell him it was impossible and to give up. Which, well, yeah - if Naruto would have believed him, Kakashi might have.
"What do you think being Hokage entails?" He asked instead. Naruto squinted at Kakashi, a little wrong-footed. "Does. What do you think a Hokagedoes?"
"That's easy. TheHokageis the strongest ninja and the village all respect him, and he's got his face on the mountain, you can see it super well from the Academy."
"And what does the Hokagedo?" Kakashi repeated.
Naruto scrunched up his face even more. "He protects the village, duh. He's got all these scrolls and books all the time, I think he reads those, and everyone comes to him with their problems and he fixes them. It's a lot of deciding."
"And you think you'd be good at deciding?" Kakashi prompted. Sasuke snorted derisively.
Naruto started to flush. "I know there's no shortcuts! I'm going to become the best ninja and the bestHokageanyway."
"Aa, let's work through this, Naruto-kun. You say you want to be the Hokage, but you don't really know what sort of decisions the Hokage makes. How can you know if you want to make those decisions?" he pointed out, "If you just want to make decisions broadly, there's lots of positions where you can do that, even as a chūnin. If you want to protect the village, you're already doing that as a shinobi. If you want to fix problems, the Hokage only ever does thatthroughshinobi, so we already all take part in the solutions. If you want the village to respect you, you never needed to be a shinobi at all - it's probably faster to get people to like you as a blacksmith than it is as a combatant - but now that you've graduated, iryō-ninjutsu is the most widely respected specialty. Why have you never expressed an interest in that?"
Kakashi tapped his book against the chair back as he said this, the controlled movement softening his otherwise too-intense stare. He had to ensure this felt like an exchange, not a reprimand or a lecture. He wouldn't respond well to imposed authority. Casual. Genuine. Like his pacing wasn't deliberately slow to make sure Naruto was following, like he wasn't over-pronouncing every word over two syllables.
Naruto's face was dark, his voice vulnerable, "Their eyes. I want them to stop looking at me like..." he muttered.
Ah. Not a good answer, but an understandable one. "Being Hokage wouldn't make them stop. The Sandaime chooses his successor, he could give you his hat tomorrow and you'd be Hokage but do you really think people would stop looking at you like that if he did?" Naruto's face scrunched like he was thinking of saying 'yes', so Kakashi pushed on, "Plenty of people hate their Kage. Kiri is in the middle of a rebellion because of it. Hundreds of people are dying or leaving their villages because they don't trust the Mizukage. Plenty of people dislike the Sandaime, too. His appointment was very controversial, people spat on him in the streets – he's just been around so long those people gave up, moved out, or died. Still, new people yell at him and tell him he's doing things wrong, every week."
"That's not the same, they don't call Jiji-" Naruto cut himself off, scowling, he reached for his near emptywater bottleand drained the last of it. "Jiji's not like me."
"Then what makes you think you'll be like him if you becomeHokage?"
"People always say to respect the Hokages!" Naruto shouted and threw his water bottle at the trash bin. It flew wide and landed at the foot of a very awkward Sakura's bed. "They're great heroes who sacrificed a whole lot for the village. They're on a mountain."
"They were all admirable shinobi, but being Hokage is not what made them that way," Kakashi said in his best sensei-impression, "Hokage doesn't automatically mean hero, and not all heroes become Hokage. But back on track," as if this hadn't been a planned diversion, "what are you trying to specialize in?"
Naruto stared angrily at his fallen water bottle. "Wha'dyamean?"
Were they normally this oblivious? "One of you other two, explain."
"Ano," Sakura started, and Naruto looked up at her, "There are lots of different ninja skills and not that much time, so once you've mastered the basics you can pick a few things to get really good at."
Sparce, but importantly that gave him an idea of what not to say. He wasn't really sure which things were classified to who, but if Sakura (who had near perfect scores on paper) didn't mention any job titles, that was as good a hint as any. Kakashi nodded to her. "Hand-to-hand, various weapons, elemental manipulation, illusions, tracking, poisons, puppetry, infiltration, healing, intelligence-gathering, code-breaking – these are some of the special skills shinobi have. We train the basics all our lives, but what you dedicate yourself to changes the kind of shinobi you become." He looked seriously at each of his brats. Would they really understand what that meant? Context, most people learned from context. "The Shodai, Hashirama Senju, was famously the only Mokuton user in living memory. His expertise in that field, committing himself to be exceptional at his specialty elemental manipulation at the expense of learning other skills, made him much stronger than he would have been if he raised every skill he came across equally. All shinobi do this, we pick and choose what we want to learn so we can manipulate those things to their greatest efficiency. You don't have to choose now, but it's something to think about... Pinkie, you're next."
Naruto looked torn between relieved Kakashi had moved on and upset he didn't get to finish his question, but Sakura introduced herself before he got a chance to protest. "Haruno Sakura! What I like is - well, I like...ano," she blushed and looked uncomfortable, "My hobby is ikebana, I guess. And in the future, I want to be accepted by the person I care about. I don't really know about specialties." Kakashi hummed agreeably and waved to the last brat.
"My name is Uchiha Sasuke. I have a lot of dislikes, but I don't particularly like anything." He continued to glower at his hospital sheets and speak in a tone far too deep for his tiny body, "What I have is not a dream, because I will make it a reality, but I do have an ambition." Both Sakura and Naruto watched him carefully and a little confusedly, "My ambition is to restore my clan and, without fail, to kill a certain man."
Kakashi tapped his notebook along the heavy plastic of his chair again and ignored the very gloomy, broody mood. "Aa. Uchiha Itachi, right?" Sasuke's head snapped over to watch Kakashi, the first time the boy had looked up all visit. Fledgling killing intent slowly began to fill the air. Tetchy, tetchy. Sakura, the closest to him, breathed laboriously. "I'm only asking so we can best structure your training schedule, Sasuke-kun."
The boy glared suspiciously, but after a few seconds he nodded. Kakashi smiled, saying lightly, "So, specialty - infiltration?"
Sasuke's face was tight and flat, but his jaw clenched and his teeth grit. "Combat, obviously."
"Aa. My mistake. I thought you just wanted to avenge your clan."
"I will." The killing intent was back. Kakashi held firm, eyes on eye. Sakura would have to consider this as extra-special constitution training, he supposed.(She's secondary, the best available option, as itwere.)
"But notjustor you'd take most effective option. That's assassination. You seem to want to defeat him in single combat. So, to be clear, is your goal to eliminate UchihaItachi...or is it to surpass him?"
That hit all the buttons, Kakashi knew it did, he saw it register. Saw Sasuke's jaw slacken, eyes glaze, fingers tighten, body start to shake. He'd wondered when he started this if he would need to say the words -do you want to 'test your ability', Sasuke-kun?
He was glad it hadn't come to that. Even if saying it indirectly didn't absolve him of the implications, he could at least pretend it might.
Naruto, unused to keeping quiet, was so full of questions they had begun to spill out of him. (What does that mean? Who's UchihaItachi? Sakura-chan, are you okay?) Kakashi heard him, kept him firmly in his periphery, but he didn't dare respond. All his physical presentation was for Sasuke, an open, nonjudgmental challenge, and all Sasuke's attention was on Kakashi. Processing the idea. Rejecting it, certainly, but testing its truth somewhere in there, too.
"I have to kill him." Sasuke said slowly, "Nobody else can, nobody else is strong enough."
All grown up and still convinced his nii-san is the strongest shinobi in the world. Adorable. Tragic."Itachi-san is a very skilled shinobi, but if you're looking to kill someone specific - it's far more to do with time, preparation, and patience than it is about skill," Kakashi remarked. No hesitation, no fronts. "When you've got a dedicated target and no time limit, extended single combat is hardly ever advantageous. Catch him on the tail end of a stupider nin's battle and assassinate him in his sleep. Pay 20 different innkeepers to dose him with a contact poison that slowly builds in his system. Rig his boat to blow halfway out to sea. Put a kunai through his heart under cover of a crowded street. There are faster, more effective ways to kill a man than an honor duel." He felt so eerily calm, mission flat, entirely devoid of feeling. He usually didn't mind it, but like this he could see the disquiet on Sakura's face, the confused suspicion on Naruto's.
"Uchiha don't..." Sasuke hesitated, the first words had come strong but he trailed off like none of the rest fit right. He wasn't unused to the idea of death, at least, but there went his jaw again, the clenching-unclenching of a boy so obviously unsettled, unsure, and unused to dealing with the feeling.
Uchiha don't what? Don't run from a fight? Don't take the unguarded kill-strike? Sasuke surely remembered the aftermath of the massacre - his clansmen's bodies, their weapons drawn but fallen far from where they should have been, fallen with their bloody backs up; he knew Uchiha ran and he knew Uchiha took the dishonorable shots. He grew up shinobi, the main branch of a major clan. He must have been raised on stories about assassinations, bad mission failures haunting his dreams like boogeymen. If you don't eat your greens, your hands will develop a shake and you'll explode half your face setting a trap one day.
Not even Sasuke seemed to know, "It's never worked before," he said finally. Ah, had It been 'Uchiha don't die so easily?' That fit with what he imagined of Uchiha Fugaku's parenting style.
"I'm not going to say nobody's tried, but Sasuke-kun, if the village really neededItachi-san dead – he'd be dead." The edge of Sasuke's lip curled derisively.
Kakashi took a deep, centering breath. He hadn't necessarily planned to continue this line of thought, but... Sasuke was surrounded by people less skilled than his clan-born expectations demanded. He might not yet think Konoha was weak, but he certainly had no confidence in her strength. Before the incident, he had constantly been surrounded by his clan's strength. He saw jōnin-level shinobi daily and impressive jutsu were thrown around casually. That's just what clans did. After, he was surrounded by squealing little children and desk chūnin who acted nothing like Sasuke would have come to expect. He was told he was the best, but that would never be a comfort to a grieving child because if Sasuke was the best and he had failed to stop his brother than who else could possibly succeed? Sasuke had been left so unspeakably alone and in a village he didn't recognize.
Kakashi could delay what he needed to say, but coming back to it later would seem like excuses and Sasuke would be less likely to accept them as true. If he saw the village as weak, incapable of seeking revenge or of appropriately training people for it, why would he give her his absolute loyalty? Konoha post-Uchiha held no fond memories for him, this was no longerhisvillage. No, he needed to correct this initial misunderstanding of power dynamics now, tide him over until he hit ANBU. This was a boy who would never feel seen until the world mirrored his own darkness.
"It would have taken a very, very long mission and considerable village resources to hunt a shinobi like UchihaItachidown. It would take operatives out of the field and nobody's paying for his head but us. It's not a nice or comforting truth, but -we let him go, Sasuke. We tracked him through to the Land of Fangs, but he crossed the border and we had no cause to engage. Not then, not now."
"No... cause," Sasuke repeated, his voice pitched just a little higher. Kakashi could hear his voice crack a bit.
Was there a good way to say 'enacting justice for brutally slaughtered loved ones was too expensive and we didn't feel like it'? No, probably not. "He didn't pose a further immediate threat, village resources were redirected."It's not that the village couldn't, it's that they wouldn't.
Kakashi reached for the kid's water bottle and pressed it into his hands. He didn't drink it, but at least it gave him something to hold. Meanwhile, Sakura's grip against Naruto's mouth slipped when she twisted more to watch her crush.
"Who's Itachi?" Naruto asked, much softer than he normally would.
Kakashi didn't look up from Sasuke. "A criminal."
Sakura was looking at Sasuke too, but there wasn't the same understanding there. The girl fidgeted. "Sensei, aren't missing-nin dangerous to the village? They have a lot of access, don't they?" Sasuke didn't freeze any more than he had, so Kakashi leaned back and turned to give him some semblance of privacy and to give the room a distraction.
"Aa," he agreed. "But we account for that. Our systems minimize the risk. For example - operatives only ever get the bare minimum of information to complete their missions." It was far too simple an explanation, but he'd scared the brats quite a bit already. Still, he was talking about information restriction while restricting information, he hoped they would be able to see through that one day.
"Codes change, assets move around," Kakashi continued, "The most stable things you can run away with are techniques – village specialties, hiden, kinjutsu – but even missing-nin aren't going to publicize how their own jutsu work and there's tight enough security on the rest that it makes escape with them improbable."
"Kinjutsu?Hiden?" Sakura questioned. Even Sasuke's eyes flicked up to watch Kakashi.
Kami, what got taught at the Academy these days? "Hiden - secret techniques. You mostly know them as 'clan jutsu'. Techniques developed by an individual that are significantly different than what most people can do, normally kept within a bloodline to ensure they stay secret. The clans in turn dedicate themselves to the development and mastery of the hiden. Kinjutsu are similar, only their use is restricted, either by clan or village. You need specific authorization to use them."
Naruto muttered something about 'clan bastards' but it didn't really need a response so Kakashi gave it none. Otherwise, the room settled into a tense quiet.
"No more questions?" Kakashi prompted, but he didn't give them more than a few moments to think of them, "Then here's the deal – as someone has evidently already told you, the first thing most genin teams do is take a test from their sensei. Should they fail this test, it sends them back to the academy." Here Sakura nodded along, Sasuke narrowed his eyes suspiciously, and Naruto wiggled so hard he was almost vibrating. "Both from your matches and from this conversation, I do not think any of you are ready to be shinobi."
All three began to protest at various volumes. Kakashi held up his hand warningly. Sakura and Sasuke fell quiet, but Naruto continued hotly so Kakashi took a second to send a kunai whizzing past the injured side of his neck, safe by just a breath, and embedding itself in the wall behind him.
"Unfortunately for me, I never planned to give you a test. We are already a team in the eyes of the Hokage. The paperwork to change that now would be a hassle," the paperwork to change that didn't actually exist, but filling out nonexistent paperwork to do something which would ultimately be insubordination would be a hassle, so it counted. "Instead, I'm giving you all a week."
Kakashi took another deep breath and wet his lips beneath his mask. This was one loophole he'd found, the only shot he had of getting out of this, and it was tenuous at best. "You will train to my standards, do what I tell you, and endure whatever I see fit you should. Any time before the week is up, you can take these forms," he pulled out a folded sheaf of papers from his pack, "fill them out, and turn them in to Hokage Tower. They're petitions to leave the force, according to the precedent set by Council Verdict 4-560G3. There is no shame in realizing you would not make a good shinobi; you can still find fulfilling lives as civilians, but this is your last chance to do so. If you do not turn these in, there is no backing out from shinobi life or this team."
He stood then and distributed a stapled set of forms to each of thegenin. He turned from handing Naruto his just to hear a loud ripping sound.
"I won't," declared Naruto, "No matter what you throw at us Kakashi-sensei, this is my dream. I'm tired of everybody always saying I'm not good enough, or that I'm not going to make it. I'm Uzumaki Naruto, and I'm going to make you realize that means something!"
Kakashi watched his outburst softly, continuing to pass out the forms. "When you need another copy, let me know."
Hospital-Kakashi popped after the brats had worked themselves up with enough outrage and questions that a sterniryo-ninsedated them with a strong sleep-aidgenjutsu. Kakashi had been in the beginning minutes of a very angry lecture about 'visiting hours' and 'disturbing the patients' and 'irresponsible stewardship of children', but he didn't stick around to hear its no-doubt thrilling conclusion.
No, Kakashi had very pressing business instead – getting sloppy atAlibi, a surprisingly nice bar just off the old Senju compound. It wasn't strictly all-shinobi, but it didn't cater to civilian sensibilities. It was well lit, for one. Soft, warm light filled every corner to minimize both suspicious shadows and unnecessary eyestrain. Synchronized music played softly from a dozen small speaks so no place was too loud. The bar area itself barely-tinted glass and all the drinks were made clearly within line of sight. Everything served was simple and made with fresh, identifiable, ingredients. The staff were perfectly willing to take a shot of whatever didn't come pre-sealed. There were lockable cubbies for larger weapons and anything else, but use of them wasn't mandatory – it just made more sense to stow anything you would get twitchy about people touching.
There was always that one shinobi who took pleasure in riling up those they could, and otherwise... Kakashi was old enough to understand the appeal of overly amorous civilians who wanted to try something dangerous for a night. Some civilians understood what they were asking for, but it tended to be a mixed bag and more often than not they liked totouch.
Hence the signs and infographics just inside the door - 'Verbal and non-verbal signals for disinterest: no means no,' 'Remember to go slow,' 'Imbalanced power dynamics are not consent: set clear boundaries,' 'Everyone drinks at different paces and that's okay!'
Kakashi had shrugged off his still unfamiliar flak jacket and locked it in the cubby. The locks weren't quality but that wasn't really the point. They'd stop civilians and shinobi too drunk to identify or be trusted with their own weapons. Outright theft was unlikely to go unnoticed, dedicated equipment was just too personal and there were too many trackers in Konoha for it to be worth it. The key came out attached to a little coil band which he wore on his wrist like a bracelet.
He didn't make his way immediately to the back booths, though he could pinpoint the voice he was looking forthereeasily enough. Young, not carefree (who was) but not biting or particularly cold either.
The bar looked out onto the floor with the ninja seated there all facing the doors. A scarred intimidation guard against the weak of heart. Mirrors above the liquor shelves gave a good view of the space behind their backs, so it was one of the better vantage points once you got over having so much open air around you.
"Sake, Hatake-san?" asked the bartender as Kakashi sat down. Several sets of eyes turned towards him; a relatively infrequent visitor but still an infamous shinobi, it was natural people were curious – especially given he was here without obvious corralling, and thus seemingly, to socialize.
"Whiskey sour," he corrected.
Two seats over from him,InuzukaTsumebarked a laugh. "That kind of day, huh?" She knocked back a rice wine cup, filling it again and offering it to herninkenbeside her.
"Aa," Kakashi allowed, peering down the length of the bar to see who he could, "Not feeling up to paying full price for my drinks, you know?"
She looked at him shrewdly, then around the bar – which was far emptier than it had been yesterday. "Slow night for that."
"Bartender-san is sweet on me, I can tell."
The bartender in question snorted, luckily away from the drink he was passing over. "Not fucking likely. You find someone to pay for your drinks or you take my challenge, same as anyone." He pointed up to a target hanging inside a rigid mesh cube, spinning slowly. It was a bit battered, corners dented in, but the crosshatching was consistent and sturdy. Only one of the sides had an opening where anything wider than a fingernail could pass through, and even that was only about two thirds the size of the whole face. Kakashi knew which direction that side faced was changed every so often, giving the 'challenge' different difficulties on different days. Today the open side was directly behind the target face.
This was the alibi an annoying family member or teammate asked you what you were doing, you could always say 'target practice' and come here, the walls were lined with targets of various difficulties. Though, only the caged target got you anything if you hit it – half off all the drinks you'd ordered, but the discount only applied to drinks ordered before you hit the target and there were no points for near-hits.
"Mah, I'll impress you soon enough, bartender-san," Kakashi said, "I'm just waiting to get my money's worth."
Below, Kuromaru huffed. "Cocky brat," he growled, rough and mean and very much fitting with his gruff face and eyepatch. Absolutely adorable. Kakashi leaned down to stare at the wolf-dog more closely. Tsume pivoted a bit worriedly in her seat, watching him.
"I bet myninkencan drink more than you."
Kuromaruseemed properly offended, andTsumeproperly delighted, so it took Kakashi very minimal prompting to summon his pack and invite them all for adamant he could drinkKuromaruunder the table no problem, but given their sizes Kakashi was a bit skeptical. Eventually the pack settled on Bull as their representative against 'theInuzukascourge' but the rest of the dogs, sansUrushiwho apparently had a date, ordered liberally on Kakashi's tab all the same.
Bull occupied, Pakkun settled on Kakashi's head instead – allowing his summoner the honor of bearing his liquor (ever the discerning gentleman, he insisted on aged flower wine). Guruko laid himself on the bar, after thoroughly reassuring everyone he was hypoallergenic, and struck up a conversation with some other nin about explosives components.
The bar filled steadily. Shiba wandered off to get pet and be snuck snacks by some drunk kunoichi, but otherwise Kakashi's ninken did an admirable job running interference for him so Kakashi never really needed to interact with the growing crowd. Still, the dogs could only handle so much alcohol, though they repeatedly reassured Kakashi they were enjoying themselves. Both Kuromaru and Bull started to flag after about an hour. Tsume cut Kuromaru off when he transformed into her, crawling along the floors to give scratches to the rest of the dogs with his newly human hands.
Kakashi's ninken decided to head home not long after, but first Pakkun agreed to help in his way to pay for the pack. Bartender-san rang a bell and the bar hushed a bit, clearing out from the direct ricochet zone around the netted target. Kakashi was handed a fresh kunai for his task and, putting a bit of a theatrical shake in his hands and bracing himself a bit, lobbed the knife up and gently into the cage.
The crowd sighed and jeered at his throw, not hard enough to pierce anything even if he had a clear trajectory, but then all at once the light shifted, several shinobi sneezed violently, and the kunai was stuck right in the middle of the target, in to the hilt.
He evaded the clasping hands trying to pat him on the back as the jeers turned to shouts and then applause. "Nee, bartender-san, I've got to get more than half-off for a perfect bulls-eye, right?" Kakashi scratchedPakkunbehind the ears in thanks and the little pug saluted wobbly and reverse summoned himself.
"Kai!" Called the bartender, scowling, but there was nothing to dispel. A few othernindid the same, with the same results. He scowled harder over at Kakashi. "I'm not discounting you more than half, no matter how impressive you are, Hatake."
Someone in the crowd waved a few coins and shoved through to place them on the bar. For Kakashi's tab, they told the bartender, and for a good show, they told Kakashi. A few others murmured agreement and soon enough Kakashi only had to pay about a fifth of what he should have owed. Tsume did manage to clap him on the shoulder before she dragged Kuromaru off home for good. She gave him a good, friendly Inuzuka shake-around for his throw.
"Aa, I know what I'm doing sometimes," Kakashi replied flippantly, a bit tipsier than he cared to admit. Tsume barked another laugh and bade him farewell.
Kakashi braced himself on the table for a good minute, collecting himself, and then made through the back tables for the restrooms. On his way back an arm caught his sleeve.
"Hatake-senpai," a soft voice said, and Kakashi turned and inclined his head in greeting.
"Umino-san. How are you?"
Notes:
So do you agree with my take on how Sakura viewed the Naruto/Sasuke Lunch incident? It makes a lot of sense to me, tbh, and if you believe this it explains a lot of her continued affections for Sasuke. It's extraordinarily shitty of Naruto to have done the whole substitution/playing with her feelings thing.
Also - before anyone asks, no this is NOT Iruka/Kakashi. I have some very unpopular opinions about Iruka. Maybe we'll see them next chapter, maybe not. But we will see them (and tbh Kakashi is half a self-insert in this whoop, so he'll share at least some of my opinion on the matter.)
Please comment! I'd love your opinions on either of the topics above, or anything else you'd like to share. I am a comment monster, it's like a cookie monster - but comments. They just make me feel warm and nice inside plz donate to my cause. If there's anything I can respond to in the comment, I will, but I'm not trying to obligate anyone to keep a conversation w me, lol. I'm just excitable.