Chapter 11, reflect
"Captain, I ought to have a word with you," Frau Schmidt called after the Captain.
"Not now, Frau Schmidt," the Captain replied gruffly, continuing making his way to his study.
"Captain, it cannot wait," she pressed.
"You will find that it can, Frau Schmidt," he told her as he opened the door leading to his study.
"Captain-"
He had shut the door.
Frau Schmidt wasn't going to let her be put aside this easily, and barged in.
"Listen to me, Georg!" she snapped.
He finally turned around to face her.
Both were both stunned by her sudden outburst, and said nothing for a while – they just stared at each other.
"I have known you your entire life, and I will not allow you to destroy everything around you because you are grieving. The children are in need of their father—they need some stability. I have stayed quiet long enough, but I cannot continue. You and I both know how important a parent is for a child," she told him with that same authoritative voice she used when he was young.
He ran his hand over his face and squeezed the bridge of his nose.
Yes he knew. He knew how important a parent was. And now his children were never going to grow up with a mother. And she never got to see them grow up. What a fucking mess it was.
He was going to figure it out. Frau Schmidt was correct—the children needed some stability, some discipline to help them stay on track. He'd just have to get himself together to make sure he could give them the tools they needed.
He clenched and unclenched his fists a couple of times before nodding. "Alright."
Frau Schmidt turned to leave.
"Spend some time with them, Captain. Surely they might brighten you up a little," she said, before she left the study, and closed the door behind her.
"Where's Gretl?" Brigitta asked when they sat down for breakfast.
"The little ones weren't here for breakfast yesterday, nor the day before, either," Friedrich pointed out.
"Yeah, I know. But why did Fräulein Ilse bring just Marta down? Gretl's always the one who's up early."
Friedrich shrugged. "Maybe she's just tired or something."
"You know what, I will go up and check if Gretl's alright," Liesl interrupted.
The girl stood up and made her way to her youngest sisters' bedroom.
When Liesl entered the room, she found Gretl's crib to be empty, her stuffed animal was missing too.
Liesl ran back down to the dining room.
"Marta, where is Gretl?"
The little girl looked up. "With papa."
Friedrich, Louisa and Liesl shared a look, and got to their feet immediately.
After checking both his bedroom and his study they suspected that their father had left again.
To confirm their suspicions they went to see if the car was still there, which it wasn't.
"Did he take Gretl with him?" Louisa asked in disbelief.
"I think so," Liesl answered absentmindedly, while nodding.
"What do we do?" Friedrich asked while he fidgeted nervously.
"Nothing," Louisa replied surly. The girl turned around and marched back into the house.
If her father was going to abandon them all but Gretl—then so be it. She didn't care, not anymore. They would manage without him.
Georg sighed as he remembered his conversation with Frau Schmidt, or rather the lecture she had given him.
He needed to pull himself together, or else the children were going to run circles around him. Frankly, they already were. He needed a plan, a solid plan. It was the seven of them against him, and he couldn't let them win.
He realised all too well that they were still grieving, but he couldn't watch in silence any longer as they slowly destructed themselves. He couldn't let that happen—they were her legacy.
He remembered how he tried to enforce discipline before... It had been in a playful way, by playing navy. He had taught them some basic drills, hoping that it would improve their abilities to follow commands, and that it would teach them something about functioning in a group.
It had worked. They enjoyed the time that they spent with him, learned to function as a whole, and they seemed to listen better overall.
If he'd try to do it that way again maybe he wouldn't have to be too harsh on them, while still maintaining order and discipline.
It might also keep him from getting too overwhelmed. Their constant chatter - though it was more subdued nowadays - and their energetic movement was too much for him.
But most importantly, he had to keep the children occupied. It was obvious that they were bored and that they didn't know what to do with their spare time. He was going to make sure that they were constantly using their time wisely. It would not only keep them from causing trouble, but it would also not allow them any time to think about their mother—it would only upset them.
He'd have to give it a try.
Gretl squeaked.
"Hmm? What's that?" he murmured absently, keeping his eyes on the road.
She shrieked, trying to escape the straps that kept her in place.
"What's wrong?" he asked, pulling the straps back in place with one hand, while he kept the other on the steering wheel.
Gretl screeched again.
He reached into his pocket and retrieved his pocket watch. They needed to make a pit stop soon, they had been driving for hours, and it was almost lunchtime. Besides, Gretl needed to get out of her car seat or she would lose it.
"We will stop once we reach a town. I need you to stay still and quiet, Gretl. Can you do that for me?"
She muttered something.
He could've sworn that she said something like 'yes, sir', but he shook away that thought. She was a baby, she couldn't even understand what he was saying, let alone say anything remotely close to that. Though he did need to prevent that from happening—it'd be a harsh representation of his failure as a father. He remembered how his sister's first words were 'ma' and 'sir'. He definitely did not want that to happen with Gretl.
Hopefully Gretl would be able to say 'pa' again after having spent time with her.
They drove for another ten minutes, until they reached a small town.
As soon as the car came to a halt, Gretl was trying to wriggle her way out of the car seat.
"Not so impatient, little miss," he smiled as he unbuckled her, and took her in his arms.
He was glad that he listened to Frau Schmidt. Gretl did brighten him up a little.
"Bun!"
Ah yes, her bunny had to come with them of course.
Out of all the children Gretl clung the most to her stuffed animal. He couldn't blame her, the poor thing had lost her mother.
"Alright, let's find something to eat, eh?"
At school Louisa couldn't focus. Her mind kept wandering.
Fräulein Agler, her teacher, had called her out for not paying attention a couple of times, and eventually sent her out for a brief walk to clear her mind.
Louisa appreciated that her teacher was a little more understanding than her siblings's teachers. Friedrich and Kurt had gotten in trouble a lot just this past year. She had too, but Fräulein Agler allowed her more room to breathe, rather than nipping every little mistake in the bud. The woman had told her that she had lost her mother too at a young age. Perhaps that was why she felt like her teacher understood her.
When walking past Friedrich's classroom she rolled her eyes. Her brother was in his usual spot nowadays—hands behind his head, nose pressed against the wall. He spotted her from the corner of his eye, and had to suppress a smile.
Unfortunately Herr Koch followed Friedrich's eyes. Louisa managed to duck away just in time.
Giggling, the girl ran down the hallway.
"Children, your new governess will arrive tomorrow. I expect you all to be on your best behaviour, and to be welcoming to her," Frau Schmidt announced while they were enjoying their afternoon tea.
The children nodded and hummed noncommittal.
Frau Schmidt raised her eyebrow.
"Yes, Frau Schmidt," they echoed.
"Make sure you clean up after yourselves," she said before she left them to themselves.
Georg wasn't the only one who was working out a plan. After their tea, the children came together in the nursery.
"What do we do now?" Friedrich asked.
"Nothing. He left just as soon as he came back—he doesn't care if we run someone off or not," Louisa sulked.
"Yeah… But, maybe if we're on our very best behaviour he'll be home longer," Kurt spoke up.
Brigitta rolled her eyes. "We need him home first for that."
"I know, but you come up with a plan then!" Kurt crossed his arms.
"Stop it! We have to stick together—we are all trying to make the best of this situation. Bickering is not going to work, in fact it will work against us," Liesl interrupted.
"Yeah, she's right," Friedrich nodded in agreement.
"Sorry, Liesl," Kurt and Brigitta muttered.
"I think we need to vote. Louisa, will you please get our ledger?"
Louisa sighed, but stood up and got the ledger.
Years ago they had gotten a ledger from their father and mother for Christmas, so that they could write things down regarding their club. Every time they had voted for something they kept track of it in the ledger. Back then it was used for silly things like whether or not they should steal some sweets or biscuits from the pantry. Now they used it to keep track of their father's absence and presence, his behaviour and moods, how long the governesses stayed, and what caused the adults to pay attention to them.
"Let's take a vote. Louisa, write everything down. Who wants to do something so that he comes home - like running off a staff member, or causing such big trouble and problems he has to come home? We might get his attention in a negative way though."
"It depends on what other option we have…" Brigitta sighed.
"Alright, let's go through the options first. Option one is what I just explained, option two is waiting and once he gets home we'll cause trouble so that he can't leave. Option three is waiting and when he's home we'll be on our very best behaviour to try to keep him here. And finally, option four is just waiting," Liesl clarified.
"Can't we just send him a letter to ask if he can come home instead?" Kurt asked.
"How many times haven't we already done that? Every time he was gone we either tried to call him or we sent him a letter. I'm sorry Kurty-Boy, but I think we're past that stage," Friedrich replied.
"I'm definitely not just waiting," Friedrich added.
"Let's vote. Everyone who's in favour of option one?"
Three hands raised.
"Write it down—Friedrich, Brigitta and Liesl," Liesl told Louisa.
"Alright, everyone who's in favour of option two."
No hands were raised this time.
"Option three."
Kurt raised his hand.
"Option four."
Louisa raised her hand.
"Are you sure, Louisa?" Friedrich asked.
The girl huffed. "That man has a mind of his own. He obviously only cares about Gretl, and I'm not going to spoil that for her."
It was quiet as everyone mulled what she had just said over in their heads.
Liesl clapped her hands together. "It seems like option one won. Let's create a plan, hm?"
Georg and Gretl had reached their destination. Tomorrow - if he felt like it - they would visit his sister, Hede. For now they would stay in a hotel in Innsbruck.
"Go on. Go to sleep, Gretl," he murmured softly as he tucked her in in a crib.
Once she was asleep he sat down on his bed, and unpacked his things. His eyes fell on the so called 'fatherhood diary' his father had given him when Liesl was born.
He had never opened that thing—for years he was too afraid he would turn out like his old man, if he took any parenting advice from him. Once things were going well with his family he finally dared to read it, but he never got to it. He didn't have the time and energy. Besides he had no idea what he'd encounter.
But now… It might give him new insights, it could explain why his father was the way he was, and maybe he might even learn a few things. He was on his own now—left with seven children to raise.
He sighed as he picked up the diary. Anxiously he opened the book.
On the inside of the cover his father had written down his children's full names and birthdates. To his surprise there were not three, but four names. At first he thought it was his father's name, but when he looked more closely he noticed the middle names differed, and so did the birthdate.
Georg flipped through the pages, hastily scanning all the words that were written down.
He felt nauseous as he started to put things together.
Then his heart sunk.
Suddenly the stories stopped.
He turned the next page.
Instead of a description of what his father had done during the day, his father had written about everything he should have done differently to prevent his son from drowning.
His father wrote about how he shouldn't have always said yes to everything his son asked, or how he shouldn't have been so lenient whenever his son misbehaved. His father was convinced that his tenderness led to his son's death.
Georg ran a hand over his face.
He had an older brother, August, without knowing. Unfortunately his older brother had passed away before he had even been born.
His heart ached. His father was once like himself too. Terrible childhood, wanting to be nothing like his father, until tragedy struck.
There was a gap in between his father's confession of guilt and remorse, and his own birth.
He frowned when his father seemed to be much softer and tender than he remembered, until he got to the page where he as a three year old boy had wandered off at the market, and had ended up near the sea. Apparently that shook his father awake—it caused him to turn into the man he remembered from his childhood.
Right now it felt as if he was in the same position his father was back then. He could either keep his family safe, or he could spoil it all.
He understood his father now—he had to keep his children safe.
But he wasn't sure how to. He had promised to Agathe, and himself, to keep the children together and at home—not shipped off to boarding school. He doubted him being home would bring the children any good. They'd only be harshly reminded by the fact that they only had a father. A terrible and miserable father. The children seemed to be slowly getting on with their lives, and he wouldn't want to hold them back. He was far from ready to go on with his life.
No, it would be for the better if he'd come home once in a couple of weeks for a week or so, and then he'd disappear again. The children deserved someone stable as their caretaker, and he was anything but that.
Tomorrow he would have to call the house to tell them where he was.
A/N: There are a couple of things that might not make any sense right now, if you haven't read 'Ever Changing Dynamics' (like Georg's childhood and his relationship with his parents and sister).
For now I'll continue this story while I'm writing 'Ever Changing Dynamics', mainly because switching between the time periods gives me new insights, and inspires me.
Started: 31/December/2025
Finished: 8/April/2025