As I descend the stairs, a familiar scent comes my way. I can tell Nia did the cooking today, so we're in for a fantastic meal. Once I enter the dining room, everyone seated at the table turns to look at me. "Ah, you're here!" Fuuka exclaims with a slight gasp. I give everyone a smile and scratch the back of head awkwardly. "Yeah. Sure am. So what we got for tonight?" "Nia made lasagne for us!" Emi's chipper voice immediately brings some light into the room. I notice something different as I seat myself next to her. Emi is wearing a green dress with a white undershirt alongside some brown short shorts. Her legs lead into some knee-high socks with a pair of red sneakers at the end. Her hair is tied into two ponytails, one on either side. She smiles widely at me. "I had enough time to change today. I even had a shower before it was time to eat." She glances away for an instant but quickly joins in on the casual chatter again as Nia starts serving everyone dinner. "So, you feeling better now?" Mumei asks. "Well, I think I'm a bit better. I should be good to go tomorrow. How was your day? Have any issues with streaming?" Mumei smiles widely at me. "Nah, Fuuka fixed my setup pretty well. No major disturbances. I have ordered a replacement CPU and some other spare parts, just in case. So, expect some packages in the coming days." "Like we don't get enough of those already." Maki remarks, addressing no-one in particular. "Hey, it's not that bad..." I say defensively. "It was a whole lot worse..." I mumble under my breath as I focus on my food again. Everyone laughs as I feel my cheeks burning. "Oh, also, Lucas, think you could help me with something later?" Mumei asks. "I'm always willing to try. What would you need help with?" I look at her. She slowly puts her cutlery down and takes a deep breath. "Could... could you teach me more of that game we played together? I wanna learn so I can beat you fair and square. No holding back." I just sit there and blink for a moment. "Uh... yeah. I don't see an issue. But... I'll only be able to teach you some basics. I'm not great at the game, but... I should be able to give you a good starting point. Please don't expect too much." I pause for a moment. "Why the sudden interest, if I may ask?" "You see... I referenced Guilty Gear in my stream yesterday and one of my friends wanted to host a fighting game collab, but I don't want to look bad. So, I wanted your help."
"Oh yeah, no problem. I can help you with the basics. Hell, you did pretty good the other day." Mumei starts blushing lightly. "Thanks..." She murmurs quietly as she returns to her food.
I try to concentrate on dinner as everyone chats casually around me. Every so often, I glance over towards Maki, trying to discern what she's thinking. I'm not sure what I'm looking for exactly, but I'm looking anyway. Emi is energetic as always quickly chowing down on her food. She tries to join in on the conversation as she joyfully shovels the food into her mouth. Suddenly she drops her fork and starts coughing uncontrollably. The loud noise interrupts the pleasant conversation going around as everyone turns to look at her. Emi keeps coughing as her face slowly goes red. I slap her on the back, once. This seems to alleviate the issue.
"You okay?" I ask. Emi grabs her glass and takes a big gulp of water before answering. "I am now. Thanks for that." "I believe we've talked about this before. There's no need to rush. Food's not going anywhere." "But it's so good. I more of it. I want all of it." "I get that, but maybe try to take your time to really dissect the food and savour its many flavours." Emi lets out a little sigh. "Yes, daaaad." Everyone laughs with a good-natured chuckle. I tousle Emi's hair before returning to my own food. "I'm sorry. Just, be a bit more careful when eating." "Oh, that reminds me." Nia turns to address Fuuka. "Fuuka, the washing machine was making some weird noises earlier today. I feel like something might have gotten dislodged in there. Could you help me look at that in a bit? I might need your electronics expertise." "Oh, uh... okay. I guess I could give it a look. Let's just hope it's nothing too major. I've still got some homework to finish." "Oh, it doesn't have to be today. I can wait until the weekend if that works better for you."
After dinner, Nia gathers up all the plates and pans to go do the dishes. Emi gets up to clean the table. Maki puts a hand on her shoulder. "I'll do it. Go play outside." She says calmly. Emi looks confused for a moment before rushing off outside. "Hey, be careful out there." I tell Emi as she leaves the room. "Growing a bit softer, are we?" I say to no-one in particular. Maki lets out a sigh. "No, I just don't want to have to clean the table twice." "Oh, come on, Emi isn't that clumsy. She's just... very enthusiastic." "She sure is." Maki says as I turn to look out the window, watching Emi walk around the little park on the other side of the road. "Girl sure got a lot of energy. Sometimes I wish I could match it. She sees the world before her and just goes wherever she pleases, does whatever seems fun to her. She just... exists out there, so carefree and joyous. Not giving a damn about what other might see or think. I strive to live so unburdened by anything. Nothing seems to bother her. She's just taking everything as it comes." "That's what you think." I jump slightly as Maki speaks. I had completely forgotten she was there as I was talking to myself. "That's just what she wants you to see. There is more to people than what you see." She walks up next to me. "I know that. But I just can't imagine Emi as anything other than the chaotic, messy, energetic girl she's always been here. Sure, she's reckless and kinda air-headed, but I don't see her keeping a deep, dark secret. She's just so open about everything. It's easy to see how she's feeling and what she's up to." I look at Maki. "With you, I always had a feeling something was up, with how you kept yourself so distant from everyone else. Nia doesn't exactly surprise me much either, considering she's already kinda abnormal."
Maki raises an eyebrow and stares at me questioningly. Her gaze lingers on me for a few seconds before I break eye contact, realizing what I've just said. "I don't mean that in a derogatory way. She's just different, you know... with the cat ears and all. So, that whole thing wasn't completely outside the realms of possibility. Mumei is a total scatterbrain, so she might just be withholding something by pure accident." Maki starts playing with her bangs, seemingly considering my words. "Fuuka is kinda shy and withdrawn. She might have had some things happen in her past that she'd rather not bring up, but I feel like if there really was something we had to know, she'd say so. But Emi... I just don't see her not saying every little thing that crosses her mind, unless she was gonna use it to tease someone later. She truly has no filter and just is out here enjoying life as it is." I look back at my companion as she stops fiddling with her bangs. "Have you ever heard the saying 'The saddest people smile the brightest', Lucas?" I blink a few times before gathering my thoughts. "Well... yeah. I guess that could go for Emi, but whatever it is. Whatever sadness or bad stuff she went through clearly doesn't bother her anymore. It's not like she's overly joyous all the time, she just... has a lot of energy. Honestly, that is something I can very much relate to."
Maki's gaze goes stone cold as she looks me dead in the eye. A chill runs down my spine as she starts speaking. "I can't tell if you're blind, stupid or just ignorant. People don't just lose limbs and go trauma-free for the rest of their life you know."
I stand there, stunned into silence by Maki's blunt remark. "Oh... Right... her legs... She probably went through some horrible things because of that... How... did I forget that? "
"Well, if that's what you think, I'm not gonna argue with you. Just consider that there is another side to every person." With that, Maki moves to clean the table.
As I watch Emi run around and play for a bit, I try to collect my thoughts. "How could you forget something that important? Of course she went through something traumatic and horrible. Dude, it is so obvious. Just look at her. She's got no legs for god's sake. Try using your goddamned eyes for once." I try to shake the thoughts and decide to head upstairs. "Today has been enough of an emotional roller-coaster. Don't let this overshadow everything. Just hope things start turning back to normal again tomorrow and keep doing your best for them." As I reach the upper floor hallway, I feel the need to check in on the washroom. I pop my head in the door and don't see anyone there. "Huh, okay then. Fuuka did say she was busy tonight. "Well, let's hope it's not broken." "I really can't afford an surprise like that. Money is already somewhat tight as is. Asking the others to chip in would also not be fair. I'm the host here. This is my house, so I should do my damnedest to make sure they feel at home. Plus, they got their own expenses and stuff to worry about. I really shouldn't go bothering them with my issues." I, once again, try to shake all the worries from my mind as I head back to my room. As I turn off my PC, my thoughts keep wandering to Maki's final words. "There is another side to every person, huh? I guess that's true. Although it doesn't exactly help me worry less." I say to no-one in particular. One of my plushies stares at me from the shelf. I sigh and lie down on the bed. It is in this moment, I do what I do every so often when the world seems too big for myself. "It's true what they say..." I begin the quote. "Understanding other people isn't hard...
It's impossible."
"Learning to trust people... Having that trust broken. Finding out that my life, which I considered so small and stifling and boring... wasn't.. any of those things."
"Only by allowing strangers in, can we find new ways to be ourselves."
"I thought you couldn't afford to lose..." I yawn "Give up on yourself... and you give up on the world."
I feel a lump forming in my throat as I have to force out the next few words.
"I'm glad.. I met you all." I feel tears stinging at my eyes. "You made me pick up on things... I would probably have ignored otherwise."
"Trust your friends. And I do. I don't like myself, but I trust that you do."
"Sometimes it's easy to forget the times... we weep." My voice is starting to break as I feel a bubble of emotions welling up within me.
"The moment makes us weak. And this loneliness in me."
A single tear rolls down my face and I start crying out loud, holding my favourite plushie close to my chest and my entire body shakes and heaves. Once it starts, there is no stopping it. The dam has burst and all my emotions come out all at once.
My fear of not being there for everyone
The anxiety of not doing enough
The horrible guilt I feel for ripping these girls away from their homes
The morbid curiosity of what Maki is all about
The weird feeling of satisfaction I get from having people rely on me.
And many more indescribable, inscrutable emotions all flow together into a torrent of water that seems to never end.
My tears seem to carry different colours and I feel each emotion and feeling rush through me, one after the other. I feel hot and cold at the same time, I see clearly while the room starts spinning around me. I feel like I'm gonna go crazy. Everything starts melting away. My tears wash away all the colours in the room. Until nothing but a sea of black and white shapes remains. The shapes melt into each other, forming different shapes and figures. Mixing, twisting and melting away. Fusing, splitting and melting away once more.
Until suddenly, there is clarity.
After what feels like an eternity, I feel everything fade and I simply lie there. Contemplating life, simply accepting my situation and giving all these feelings a proper outlet.
Once I feel properly prepared, I finish the lines.
"It is as they say...
"The world ends with you. If you want to enjoy life, expand your world. You gotta push your horizons out as far as they'll go."
Feeling well and truly exhausted, I get ready for bed. As soon as I lie down and make myself comfortable, the world before me fades away in an instant and I enter a dreamless slumber.