As I said in the previous chapter, this is "Emotional Skarr," based on the second Evil Con Carne clip, where things get a little more ominous and a lot weirder. It marks the first appearance of the giant Enrique Jr. (or in this case Enriqueta Jr.) robot, the first time Skarr tries to one-up Hector (or Hectara) to take over the world for (him/her)self, and the first time we see the pigeons Skarr is well acquainted with. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and as always, zany surprises await!
Tonight was another ominous night on Bunny Island for Evil Con Carne, and Hectara had some very big plans cooking in her literal brain.
The full moon hung drearily in the sky over a spot many yards away from the island, illuminating the ocean and singing its humdrum songs to the sleeping aquatic life below. The sky adopted a flame-red hue just above the horizon, its bloodshot vision reminding passersby of the nefarious activity poised to happen in the complex. In addition, the waves slowly roiled over the beach, slowly swallowing and regurgitating the rocks with its salty mouth, and caressing them with its bone-chilling tongue.
The island had also been remodeled and renovated to strike terror into the hearts of all of Hectara's potential opponents, its temple radiating its majestic light for miles in the sea. The mouth gaped wide, the cave inside prepared to unleash its fury upon all invaders who tried to stop whatever plan the former playgirl had in mind. The eyes unleashed invisible flames upon these invaders, their nonphysical noxious gas spreading to their innards and triggering an uncontrollable trembling sensation with their every move. The rocks had also been remodeled to include the body of the island's namesake, complete with a literal belly for the beast ready to disintegrate all oncoming assailants with a drip of disorienting metaphorical stomach acid.
A few birds were also awake, their eyes drooping heavily from several failed attempts to keep them closed. The TVs in their minds were still on, broadcasting whatever they had heard the day before and ruminating on the still fledgling plans hatching in their brains. These thoughts repeated like a broken record, building up a kind of energy that shot sharp electric shocks up toward their heads. These shocks launched them out of their nests (or wherever they were sleeping that night) and shot their wings toward their full span, forcing them to fly to wherever they could find food or entertainment to last them the night.
One of these birds took off from a distant island, the howling winds gripping their brown wings and barreling them forward across the ocean. They tossed their avian plaything around the area, kicking its breast and pushing its tail feathers in zigzagging motions. The bird felt their eyes spin around in their sockets, their wings rotating around in their sockets as they tried to regain their balance over the rushing cold water. Their wings flapped about 100 times faster than normal, each beat threatening to shatter their bones, as their feet struggled to avoid being submerged in the deep waters below, occasionally feeling the salty spray as it fired its latest grains from the depths of the earth. When the bird was finally able to get back on course, their wings made a lot of random emotions, the bones struggling to stay straight the longer they continued to keep their owner afloat. The bird eventually saw a hole in the distance; where two other birds were situated; ready to fill its small belly with whatever insects, berries, and bits of people's meals it could find. Little did any of them know, however, that it was one of the evilest lairs to exist on Earth, and one of its inhabitants had some not-so-nice things to fire at them about her employer.
Skarr lay comfortably in her bed, the soft sheets covering her body as she slept soundly, her quiet snore steady and rhythmic. An old film reel about Napoléona and her conquests proudly leaned up against her bedside, the ghosts of its audio riding a twirling updraft that smothered her with the faint hum of battles of a forgotten time. The cool breeze spread itself across the room, caressing her skin with its gentle hand from centuries past, blowing with it the faint scent of dust and old history books that stirred her brain into a play that cast her as the main heroine (or, in this case, villainess)—strong, determined, and undeterred by any threat that stood in her way.
The movie audio painted a vivid picture of her greatest battle—burning cannons launching their payloads over scorched battlefields, cracked pathways of dried soil under a bruise-colored sky, the faint smell of smoke tainting the land, bayonets firing loudly as their owners struggled to obtain the upper hand, the taste of blood permeating the musty gust tearing its way across the desolate wasteland, swords flashing brightly and clanging loudly among all the waste, the muffled cadence of marching soldiers on both sides—and placed her on top of Boskova (Hectara's brain, Stomach, and all), the weight of historical tension forcefully weighing down on her shoulders. Skarr held a flashing sword high above her head, the wind stinging her face as it attempted to tear her hat off her head, mightily staring out onto the littered landscape as the former circus bear's footsteps sent thunderous tremors throughout the land. The three companions advanced through a maze of explosions and barbed wire, navigating through the stillness pushing down upon them like gravity, their eyes gleaming with a stern authority as the sweeping orchestral score encouraged them further down the road. "England," Skarr mumbled in her sleep, her heart silently pounding with the promise of victory, "a nation of shopkeepers."
But before the three heroes (or villains in this case) could make it to their destination, their path literally lurched off in another direction.
The dreamer's mattress rapidly sprung from its sleep, creaking its handles as it turned its occupant 180°, pounding her onto the ground as if it had a mind of its own. She felt a sudden jolt in her body, her adrenaline pumping rapidly through her skin as she was squashed flat onto the floor below, bones cracking and lungs deflating like balloons crushed by boots. She heard another creak as she silently groaned in pain, the mattress lifting off of her flattened body and allowing for the passage of light toward her figure. The groaning stopped after several seconds, a click echoing throughout the room like the famous Shot Heard 'Round the World from over two centuries earlier.
The covers slowly rustled off the bed, revealing a plain whitish blue mattress flashing its intricate pattern at the ceiling. The mattress turned itself an intimidating 90° counterclockwise, standing above the squashed general as she winced at the soft needles poking at her eyes. It let out a whoosh of foul air at her as it split in half, revealing a panel of pitch black that threatened to grab her in its gaping jaws and send her off to a world of isolated darkness. It slightly enlarged, these jaws looming in closer, mechanically roaring as it spat out its oily breath at its human prey. After a few milliseconds, the screen quickly sparked on, its colorful light illuminating the room like a rainbow torch piercing the occupants' sleep.
Hectara's face (or rather her brain on top of Boskova's head) popped up on the screen, staring down at the former's paramilitary commander as if it were an eagle circling its prey. The light from her eyes blazed down upon the squashed general, lighting a small fire as if they were lasers preparing to destabilize their target so the ultimate doomsday weapon could be fired. The brain sloshed around in its container, the green fluid rushing past the gray matter as the limbic system threatened to dislodge its usual cyclone upon the glass barrier. The glass also amplified the brain's eye light, vibrating uneasily as the pressure continued building up against its transparent walls, the clattering chipping away at Skarr's ears as she struggled to force a groan out of her crushed lungs. Before she could fully process what was happening, however, an all-too-familiar voice launched itself at her, polluting the air with its noxious acid that released electric shocks into her bloodstream that made her skin jump uncomfortably.
"Skarr!" Hectara yelled, her brain dome flashing green light as if it were a siren screaming about some major attack on Bunny Island, prompting Skarr to peel herself off the floor as quickly as she could. "Report to the command center right away!"
"But it's…it's 2:00 AM!" the paramilitary commander protested; her eyes throbbing, her eyelids drooping, her right eye twitching painfully through its bruising, many of her teeth either knocked out or cracked, and her pajamas irritatingly brushing her skin; glancing at her busted watch as her Jell-Oed marrow shook her bone walls.
"Don't you know that tyranny never sleeps?" the de-bodied overlord retorted, the fire from her glare aggressively tugging at Skarr's skin and clothing as her brain shook its cerebellum and Boskova just stood there smiling as if nothing had happened. "For you see, General, on this very night, you and I will finally…dominate…the world!" Her menacing laugh echoed off of the walls of the room as thunder boomed throughout her lair, freezing everyone inside in a nervous bout of tingling as lightning slashed the darkness with its electric claws, Boskova played along with some movements she'd learned from her former circus, and the camera zoomed back onto the dome atop the bear's head. "Now, hurry up!" Hectara ordered, her frontal lobe ramming itself against the glass, causing her sleep-deprived paramilitary commander to briefly jump out of her skin as she landed on her butt. "Oh, and bring up some ice cream," she continued, her temporal lobe jutting upward and her hardened eyes lazily dragging up to meet the thunderstorm above her. "Vanilla."
"Vanilla is deliii-cious!" Stomach added, rotating its fundus counterclockwise as its muscular coat oozed out some cold and sweet fluid, smiling at the thought of finally getting its long-awaited vanilla treat.
After that, the transmission cut out, the roar of static creeping around the room as if preparing to swallow Skarr whole.
The pigeons in the bunny's eye began cooing, their voices carrying a tone reminiscent of mourners at a state funeral. They stood on the stone, their eyes pointed upward as if stargazing, and slowly flapped their wings, releasing small bursts of wind in an attempt to disperse the static's flow. Feeling this yearning air on her skin, Skarr walked over to them, the light in their eyes slowly twinkling in rhythm with hers. "What's wrong?" she asked them, her eyes drooping toward the ground.
The dark blue one hopped toward her, its talons quietly clicking on the slightly cooled rock.
"I'll tell you what's wrong," Skarr continued, the weary look in her eyes replaced by a hardened gaze accompanied by a furrowing brow and throbbing veins. "I am sick and tired of playing errand girl for that oversized wad of chewing gum and that dipstick bear of hers." She turned away from them, crossing her arms as she stared at where the screen had stood. "I utterly despise her with every fiber of my being," she finished, turning back toward her avian companions with an even fierier look in her eyes. "And someday…someday soon, my children…I will make her...pay."
On the last word, the pigeons began cooing gently, their eyes full of longing as they sang their low-key chorus, the blue one flapping its wings again.
"Oh, I'm sorry, my little babies," Skarr replied, the flames in her eyes extinguished by rain weighing them downward, "I have forgotten your midnight snack." She pulled a box of birdseed from her pocket and opened it, the soft angelic chorus of seeds flowing through the air as they tenderly pushed past each other into her mouth. She whistled a merry tune to herself as she skipped toward the birds, her toes tickled by the carpet as they propelled her upward. She stopped in front of the eye hole, leaning over and spitting a small tributary of the seed into each bird's mouth as if they had recently hatched.
When the feeding was done, she spit the rest of the seed into an empty box, putting on her slippers and shuffling toward the door to her room. The creak of the door mingled with the somewhat oily air that occupied most of Bunny Island's interior, escorting the general forward as she stepped into the outside world. She imagined the cool taste of ice cream flowing down her throat, her eyes blinking slowly and gazing slightly upwards, but she suddenly heard Hectara's words ringing loudly in her mind: Tyranny never sleeps. She sighed heavily and trudged onward slowly, her feet softly pounding on the floor as if trying to make a point, reluctantly ready to see what horrible surprises would come today.
Skarr returned from the store with a big orange bucket of ice cream in her right hand, the frosty contents creeping up to her fingers as she stepped into the command center, its familiar globe looming over her with its heavy pale light and slowly beeping signals. She looked around the room for any sign of Hectara and Boskova, the acrylic smell clinging to her shoulders like unshakable fumes, the light casting ghostly rings toward her eyes the cold gleaming walls, her droopy eyes twitching as they struggled to keep still, and the shadows creeping up on her as if they were claws ready to dig into her skin. "Okay, I'm here. They were out of vanilla," she said, stopping several yards in front of the globe to get a better view of the rooms behind the doors on either side of her. "So I got Rocky Road."
In response, a furry purple hand reached over and swiped the bucket from the sleep-deprived general, pulling her forward slightly as if she were a plank on a crane's hook. "Welcome, Skarr," a familiar voice said, an authoritative air coalescing around them.
Skarr looked up and saw two familiar sets of eyes, dim light flickering from their pupils. "This better be good," she replied, pointing at a familiar brain in the dome atop the bear's head.
As if on cue, Boskova slowly hoisted the bucket toward her snout, the saliva in her mouth overflowing its banks. She looked at the contents, the nuts and marshmallows jutting out like Empire State Buildings, her eyes spinning around as if being hypnotized. After a few seconds, she plunged her teeth into the high-calorie dairy treat, drilling into the brown landscape like an Olympic diver in the pool. She snuffed and snorted as she dug further into the frozen sea of chocolate, cold running down her neck and chin, small puddles forming on the floor, but she didn't pause—instead, she accelerated her pursuits, nuts crunching and marshmallows shouting out muffled cries as she gnashed her jaws like a woodchipper out of control.
"Oh, yes, it's good!" Hectara burst out, her eyes moving up and down like tiny elevators as they stared off into space and then at the freezing chocolate river on her ursine "body's" thick purple fur. "Very good!"
"Ahhh!" Stomach agreed as the frost reached its inner workings. "Tasty!"
After a few minutes, the bear had finished diving into her delicious chocolate treat, a waterfall of melted brown sweetness cascading down her chin and onto Stomach's dome as she stared off into space. "And now," Hectara continued as the bear licked her lips, "I give you Major Dr. Ghastly!"
As if on cue, the head mad scientist stepped out from behind his boss's shadow, his dark red suit and its brownish pink highlights glimmering dangerously like broken glass in the moonlight, carrying a large remote control in his hands. "Yes," he responded, stopping right next to Boskova's back paws as his eyes sparkled brightly from behind his goggles. "Tonight, we will unveil the world's most destructive weapon!"
He tapped a series of buttons like toy piano keys, each beep echoing like a synthesizer riff as he hummed along too cheerfully for comfort, the melody bouncing through the room like neon sparks slinking through the air.
A huge circular section of the floor sent a slight tremor through the floor as it slowly groaned open, blasting a very bright pale green light from the ground that shattered the acrylic smell.
From this pit rose a pair of two rounded points, their metallic sheen reflecting the same ominous light from the globe, their slightly garlic smell spreading rapidly through the air like fairy dust, and the air from outside reflected toward the four observants as they sliced through. Two taller mountains followed not far behind, their slightly red hue burning intensely as if ready to explode at a moment's notice, and then a larger landscape, its hill-like bump blasting the cool air even further toward the four. Skarr's skin began jumping rapidly against her pajamas again as two huge domes crawled up from pit soon after, the much redder hue in their eyes staring at her as if preparing to melt her to nothingness. A tangy updraft flew toward the ceiling above as a gigantic flap similar to a knight's visor greeted her and her three companions, the foul breath within impatiently tugging at its confines to meet their audience.
"Isn't it magnificent?" Hectara stated as her eyes welled up with whatever could pass for tears in her brain dome's fluid. "And it's modeled after…Enriqueta Jr.!"
The metallic monstrosity stared at them with intent eyes, ready to take on whatever challenges awaited them. The huge head scanned around the room for an equally giant fetch toy, its nose rapidly expelling mustard-smelling gas that brought a tingling sensation into everyone's skin around it. A series of clicks and groans emanated from its comparatively tiny body, each one sharper than the last, like a wind-up toy begging to be released. The legs stood slightly taller than each observer's body, their paws ticking slowly and deliberately like a bomb impatiently waiting to explode, and their joints screeching like banshees sending shivers down travelers' spines. The huge tail flicked dust in everyone's faces as it wagged rapidly, particles zipping toward them like bullets from a machine gum as the metal whined like a deep breath waiting to break out of its owner's mouth.
Skarr gasped at this fearsome spectacle of a robot, an electric shock flowing through her body as she jumped up from her spot on the ground.
"There's my girl!" Hectara yelled, a different kind of electricity zooming through her brain's nerves.
A high-pitched bark rang out on cue, followed by quick footsteps as if the floor had suddenly caught fire. A distinct fruity scent approached the three noses (and Hectara's olfactory bulb)—a luscious blend of mango, papaya, strawberry, and watermelon—and mingled with the acrylic chemicals and mustardy tang, the mix only energizing Hectara's excitement. A small furry body bounded up toward the huge purple bear. Its owner beamed, eyes glittering with light reflecting from the domes'.
"Boskova, pet now!" Hectara ordered the bear.
The bear scooped the creature into a bone-crushing hug, ruffling her fur multiple times.
As Boskova laughed, Skarr stared coldly at the brain atop her head, her brow furrowing and her eyelids heavily drooping, facepalming as she saw Hectara stare off into space. "You need to change your brain fluid, Hector," she sniped at her superior, sharply pointing her right index finger at the latter's brain, "There's only one way to conquer the world." She clenched her teeth tightly and curled her hands into fists as tiny veins in her head threatened to explode on her.
Skarr stared off into space, the world in her eyes dissolving into smoke and tension within several seconds.
We've got to build massive armies…
She stood atop a high wooden platform, her feet tapping the rock-hard oak and cherry below, observing the throng of dark purple-clad platoons. Huge trucks crunched the ground, their treaded wheels sending spine-tingling tremors throughout the pavement below. Several huge black flags with a distinct insignia (a red lightning bolt on a yellow circle) flapped in the air, the wind distorting them like bedsheet ghosts and shadows looming like giant monsters ready to attack. The sky gave off a flaming orange hue, the smog scratching everyone's noses and sprinkling the surrounding air with the distinct tang of radioactive metals exploding in water.
…and stockpile missiles!
A series of missiles sped above the horizon, their fiery trails streaking the blackened sky like rainbows after a storm. They flew in a carefully crafted arrangement, eyes blazing with nuclear energy as they accelerated toward their targets, as Skarr (who sat on top of one) directed them into battle formation, the wind stretching her skin like elastic in a hot dryer.
Then, you have to target and destroy every major capital in the world!
Reddish orange mushroom clouds formed above distant cities, one or two at a time, violently shaking the Earth and spreading their poisonous nuclear flavor across the many surrounding miles.
YES! YES!
She stood amongst a gaggle of burning buildings, the thunder of destruction rolled through her like music as a huge smile tugging at the corners of her face. She threw her head back, eyes burning the distinct fire of a hard-won victory, and laughed loudly—a low, jagged sound that echoed across the ruins.
ALL MINE!
She waved her hands uncontrollably, the toxic air ricocheting as its disease spread rapidly throughout the wasteland.
ALL...
Suddenly, the city disappeared from her view, slowly melting itself into nothingness as the command center returned with everyone inside. "Mine?" she asked, her face blushing as she turned her head back to the other occupants, her skin crawling uneasily and her marrow slightly Jell-Oed.
Major Dr. Ghastly just smiled and looked behind himself, eyes absorbing the light bouncing off the gigantic metallic Chihuahua standing right before them. "Uh…yes," he chuckled, pulling out the remote he had used to summon the robot and walking over to the dazed general. "Well, we think this will work nicely, too."
Skarr took the contraption from him, stonily eyeing its controls from top to bottom. "What am I supposed to do with this?" she asked, her brow furrowing and her eyelids drooping heavily again. She grabbed the main lever, frantically swinging it back and forth as if she were playing an old-school video game, her teeth clenching tightly and her skin slightly wobbling back and forth. "Stupid thing..." she grumbled, turning the other way with closed eyes as she dangled it by the lever. "I hate it."
However, the robot dog wagging its tail even faster, its red eyes heating up even more as the cool musty air rapidly spread further around the room. "All systems are operational," it told its bosses, paws ticking even louder.
"Oh!" Skarr said, a huge smile forming on her face and exposing her glittering teeth (and darkened tooth gaps) as her lower jaw dropped further. "Now I got it!" she continued, skin tingling rapidly as her eyes widened further at all the buttons and other components in front of her eyes.
"Amazing!" Major Dr. Ghastly agreed as the wind from the machine's head flipped the tide of the air multiple times.
"Yes, Skarr," Hectara added, her brain swishing in its fluid as the particles gently tickled its gray matter. "Can you feel it?" The giant Enriqueta Jr. monster's left shoulder joint suddenly whined loudly, its giant paw lifting itself and creating a heavy vacuum underneath. "Something big is about to go down!" she continued as a fly buzzed past Boskova's nose.
The bear's eyes suddenly lit up brightly, their sparkle twinkling rapidly as she began to feel an electric sensation under her skin. Her legs giddily propelled her up multiple times, her feet sending shivers the floor the as she warmed up their springs to go after the tiny insect through the air in front of her.
Skarr also felt giddy electricity in her body, but the sparkle in her eyes was slightly darker and much fierier. She turned her eyes up at the gigantic metal paw, her shock extending itself to the hair under her hat as the vacuum underneath extended its fingers toward her body. Her fingers vibrated on the lever, her knuckles growing whiter the harder she pressed. Her brow slowly furrowed as her smile expanded, the acrylic smell pushing itself past her body as she pushed the black ball forward, the tingling sensation intensifying as the paw craned itself upward above Hectara's brain.
The paw hovered midair, its joints groaning with a rising metallic wail, like a caged animal clawing for release. A deep shadow spilled over Hectara and Boskova, thickening the air around them as the palm's weight pressed down, pinning them like prey beneath a predator's gaze. Without warning, the pads slammed downward—earth buckling under the force, a shockwave ripping outward with a hollow boom that sent Major Dr. Ghastly tumbling back. The sudden gust pushed his suit closer to his skin as Boskova, eyes narrowed against the wind, sprang toward the fly in a blur of motion.
"Hmmm…" Skarr said, looking down upon the green letters on the screen below her eyes as the tiny insect brushed past her nose. "Seems to be a lag in reaction time."
Before she could analyze the situation any further; a huge, furry belly (and a hard glass dome) shot itself at the fly; sweeping the general off her feet, sending the controller flying, and zooming toward the end of the room as if someone had shot a pillow from a cannon. The floor below shook slightly as the belly's owner ran faster, heavy feet propelling the ursine "body" forward as her heart pounded harder than a war drum advancing upon its target. A high-pitched bark followed close behind, piercing the air as its owner bounded energetically toward wherever it was the bear was going. Tiny veins in Skarr's head began growing as her eyes widened, tiny fingers crawling throughout her skin as her itchy pajamas scratched against her skin.
About half an hour later, Skarr had gotten dressed in her paramilitary commander uniform, and she was standing with her cohorts and their robot in a street located on a test site on Bunny Island.
The space between them weighed heavily on their shoulders, the tangy scent of rusting steel and the cold, dusty air tickling their noses as they stood firmly on the pavement surrounding them. The wind howled quietly between the structures, the air thick with the promise of mass destruction. Its long, chilling fingers spread through the icy metal, brushing an eerie cold sensation across the occupants' skin. The windows also reflected the dim moonlight through their heavy glass, stretching out a series of ghostly white forms that made everyone's spines shake as if they were being electrified, while the rugged pavement expelled a few wisps of rubber tang into their noses, itching their eyes slowly like poison ivy growing behind their eyelids. Boskova slowly stepped in Skarr's direction, her back paws softly tapping the cracked asphalt beneath them.
"Before we set out to conquer the world, Skarr," Hectara began, looking up at the fiery sheen emanating from the robot's eyes and nose and back at her paramilitary commander's stony eyes, "we must first run an elaborate and expensive training test." She patted her gray matter against the glass, directing Boskova's attention toward a red-balled lever on one of the walls.
The bear walked over to this lever, her feet quietly plodding the ground and kicking up tiny amounts of dust. She slowly moved her front left paw toward the lever, her claws gripping its ball and vibrating like a malfunctioning washing machine. After a few seconds, she pulled it downward, activating a series of spotlights that flooded the entire room with brilliant whites, blues, periwinkles, and indigos. "Behold!" the brain atop her head produced, eyes rapidly pulsating like a heavily beating heart.
Skarr looked at the remote control in her hands, her eyebrows pulled upward and her smile flashing her nearly pearly white teeth as the antenna emitted a high-pitched beep. She shot Hectara a quick glance, her skin tingling faster than ever, and turned her attention back to the writing on the screen. "Go ahead," the former playgirl said, the dome on her head emitting its usual sickly green light, "choose your...weapon."
Skarr placed her finger on one of the buttons on the remote control, her eyes vibrating faster than ever as her brow furrowed and the corners of her mouth tugged upward, pushing it downward like a lid out of place. The words FLEA BOMBS appeared on the screen in green digital writing, shouting their message in the form of similarly high-pitched beeps, which traveled toward the robot's ears like the distinct sounds of a dog whistle inaudible to human ears.
In response, the Enriqueta Jr. behemoth's neck hissed as a few small, round hatches whined open, releasing a sharp chatter like teeth snapping shut. A new set of monsters—a series tiny of small flea robots with eyes like molten nails and triangular teeth clicking in a rapid, eager manner. Their legs twitched impatiently, ready to spring upon their targets, each one humming like a coiled spring moments before the snap.
Skarr's eyes twinkled equally fast, their light echoing the clicking, donning a pair of red-lensed goggles as her nose took twitched at the musty twinge in the air. "And with your Dog Vision Goggles," Hectara continued as the general adjusted the goggles, which emitted a beeping tune reminiscent of 1960s spy movies as a yellow target symbol frantically flew around the lenses, "you will seek out the enemy!"
Skarr nodded her head, her gaze hardening as she scanned the area around her.
She turned her head to the right, the wind howling as the cold crept up on her shoulders. The metallic one followed suit, its eyes flashing like sirens on the prowl. The wall they landed on stood firmly on the pavement, its awning bouncing up and down as it propelled the dust in varying directions. A cardboard bush also stood in front of them, its pulp shaking in the wind as if motioning them to follow them to some secret hideout. Then, before long, a cardboard cutout of a bomber in black clothing emerged in front of the bush, its eyes flaming a kind of urgency as if trying to shout out threats its mouth couldn't.
The two attackers then turned their attention further to the right, landing upon a narrow space between two buildings with shadows somewhat darker than the surrounding areas. The smell there was even more intense, its weight looming over them like a beast with eager jaws. The surrounding windows gleamed intensely, their light shooting threats at them that created vibrations in their spines. A few seconds later, a cardboard tank emerged from the wall, its tread massaging the ground and its turret locked onto whatever its imaginary driver was seeking inside the lair.
Skarr's right index finger hovered over the remote, flying across the various buttons to find its target. Her eyes darted toward the screen, each breath heavier than the last as her eyes moved toward each option. She settled on a different grayish blue button (closer to the screen than the last) and gave it a hard stab, her gaze hardening and her smile widening at her targets. The word FIRE appeared on the screen, its huge red letters screaming bloody murder at the soon-to-be cardboard casualties.
The robot heard the signal, its ears perking up as if it were ready to chase a squirrel in the vicinity. Its eyes brightened, heat spreading through the air as if they had been set ablaze, the light inside ready to melt the paper with its radiation laser. Its back right pubis joint screeched loudly, the metal inside unleashing a powerful earthy stench that threatened to destabilize the general's leg bones as the paw slowly rose upward. The air beneath the paw grew heavier, spreading itself toward Skarr's head and attempting to knock her hat off as its owner let out a long, quiet groan. After several seconds, the paw started scraping the metal where the flea bots sat, emitting an ear-piercing shriek as it flicked these bugs toward the cardboard enemies waiting to begin their attack.
The first one zipped through the tank, shredding its hull into tiny pieces as it sent an earthquake-level shock into the building's wall. Another punctured the bomber through the chest, slicing its head and bomb clear off as it impaled the bush with the force of a monster truck's tires. Cutouts of a general, a sea monster, and a clown popped up in another part of the area, their motors whining in hopes of achieving a victory, but the flea bots sliced through them like wet toilet paper, sending fragments flying all around the surrounding pavement.
"Good shot, Skarr," Hectara complimented; a bright flame burning in her eyes; beaming as Skarr did the same thing to cardboard cutouts of a purple van, Santina Claus with her sack, and a pink bunny.
But Skarr wasn't finished yet. The general slowly turned her head in Hectara's direction, the ursine "body's" fur catching the stale wind. The giant Enriqueta Jr. head followed Skarr's, its heavy eyes whirring as the goggles narrowed their focus on the former playgirl's brain. A low beeping sound emerged, growing sharper with each pulse. Inside the huge red eyes, Hectara's brain glowed faintly, its green and lumpy form gracing the glass like a colony of algae under a microscope. The huge canine jaw parted, the stench of ammonia stretching toward Hectara like a warning breath.
Boskova's grin, however, stayed frozen, still wide and playful as ever. Her eyes wobbled in their sockets, catching phantom light as she scanned the area around her. A fizzing sensation danced under her skin, her tail twitching in little seizures. She suddenly heard a little buzz—the same fly from before brushed past her nose, sprinkling a rotten perfume so strong it glittered on the air. Her eyes quickly widened, pressing forward as if trying to leap from her skull. She tracked the insect like prey, her body quickly tensing for the pounce.
Skarr slammed her finger down again, eliciting a high-pitched wine from the dog's foot as it expelled a swarm of jittering flea bots. Her lips peeled back, exposing her uncontrollably clicking teeth, her eyes locked and twitching. The tiny projectiles screamed through the air, legs twitching mid-flight, snapping the brittle wind resistance around them as they neared Hectara's brain. Each one chattered like a deranged insect choir, trails of reeking vapor swirling in their wake.
However, the flea bots missed their target—Boskova lunged for the fly just as they were about to shatter the glass, and they smacked her straight in the butt with a dull whump. She jerked toward the asphalt, jaws chomping loudly, but the tiny insect zipped skyward in victory. The tiny bots pinged off the bear's fur, scattering as their shrill chirps pierced the air. Skarr's eyes snapped open as soon as she saw this, her scream cracking through the din as the bots zeroed in on their new target—her brain. She turned her head the other way, but it was too late—the swarm slammed into her rear with the force of a minor explosion, bones cracking and metal plates groaning, as an uneasy grimace formed on her face and her legs split apart on the ground.
About ten minutes later, Skarr had reassembled herself, eyes still twitching as she stood perched on the giant robot's head.
The metallic Chihuahua lumbered through the buildings, its energetic footprints sending shockwaves through the asphalt as it sniffed the surrounding area. The sky glowed a fiery red echoing the battles in Skarr's militaristic fantasies, the putrid stench of rubber looming over everyone like an invisible beast tracking its prey. Hectara and Boskova followed a few steps behind, the dust crawling into their eyes like ants trekking through the sand.
Before long, Skarr spied a cardboard car directly in front of them, its sheen reflecting a bright light back to the robot's eyes. It elicited a slow beep beep beep from the Dog Vision Goggles, sending another yellow target dancing across the general's field of vision and sending another fizzing sensation bubbling through her skin. Her eyes skimmed across the controller as she scanned for the proper button to use, the wind blasting the stench of hot pavement into her nose as she continued her search.
A few seconds later, her eyes suddenly widened, her pupils taking in the light reflecting off a button she hadn't explored before. Her teeth chattered rapidly, the sensation rattling her jawbones, the corners of her mouth tugging themselves into a huge smile as her brow furrowed. She slammed that button with her finger, prompting a spine-tingling screech from the jaw as its ammonia-smelling breath slowly swirled around, and sending a powerful blast of fire that disintegrated the automobile prop into crispy nothingness, blasting the ashy smell into the air for all to smell.
"Skarr," Hectara wheezed, eyelids drooping as if gravity had grown stronger overnight, "you continue your weapon trials." Boskova rubbed her own drooping eyelids, the world around her slightly blurry, and her nose started to itch from the pungent stench around her. "Boskova and I will be here," the former playgirl continued as her "body" pointed her thumb at a tree behind them, her voice growing heavier and more slurred with each word, "observing."
The two of them backed up behind the tree and slumped down, their eyes unable to continue resisting against their droopy lids in spite of Hectara's earlier words.
"What luck," Skarr said, her brow furrowing and her frown heavy as she stared at the two snoozing beings right in front of her.
However, a huge smile broke out a few seconds later, her eyes widening and her hair shooting up as if an invisible vacuum was threatening to suck them out. "They're asleep," she burst out, her tone surreptitious, as she quickly pulled the remote control up to her face. "Now," she continued, the energy in her skin fizzling out and her eyes dancing across the contraption as she sat down on the metal beneath her feet, "what have we got here?"
Her eyes danced across the contraption's surface, pausing on jagged edges and gleaming metal. Her right eyebrow raised slowly as the wind softly howled in her direction, the hairs bending as the air slowly brushed them. Her right index finger flew over the controls as if it had a mind of its own, the electric sensation in her phalanges tickling the surrounding skin as it began hopping across a few of the buttons.
She lightly pushed on one of the buttons, eliciting a relaxed beep as the words ATOMIC DOG BREATH spread themselves across the screen.
"Hmmm, boring," she replied, rolling her eyes as she settled on another one.
SCOOT ON BUTT.
"Cute, but no," she continued, her brow sinking further as she jabbed a third button.
TOXIC GAS.
Her huge smile returned, teeth shaking and sending an electric surge flew through her veins. "Hello!" she burst out, moving her right index finger backward. Her eyes adopted a sharp, fiery light, hardening as her finger clobbered the button again.
The ear-piercing beep flew out of the remote again, sending a literal electric shock through the mechanical monster's brain as the eyes burned brightly again.
It turned its head in the tree's direction, its neck popping and hissing loudly as it released a cloud of ammonia-smelling gas into the atmosphere. Its feet tapped the ground slowly, sending soft shockwaves as a shrill, repetitive beep pierced the air like a garbage truck in reverse. The tail rapidly wagged as it approached the Evil Con Carne leader, flicking the heavy odors in all directions as they passed the tree and the sleeping beings underneath. The paramilitary commander turned her attention toward Hectara and Boskova, her grin exposing her frantically grinning teeth as she circled her finger over the button.
After several seconds, she slammed the button, unleashing a cloud of noxiously tangy greenish brown gas that flew straight into the bear's mouth as the latter yawned and stretched.
Boskova's eyes snapped open, frantically scanning the surrounding area, but their heavy eyelids drooped down before she could respond. Her pupils fell toward the ground, the world around her slightly blurry, and she started to wheeze a little with her tongue slightly sticking out. "P.U.!" she said quietly, lungs and eyes itching as she inhaled a powerful blast of air, and then blasted the disgusting air back outside, her cheeks and eyes slightly reddening as the veins inside them slightly grew.
Skarr's fingers trembled around the remote, the plastic glistening with sweat. Her smile wobbling, lips twitching rapidly as the putrid cloud dug itself into her nostrils, its reek of burned chemicals bringing water to her eyes. The air around her shimmered with the oncoming brownish haze, creeping closer like a tiger stalking its prey.
She jerked her head up from the machine, her pupils blowing wide, a loud gasp escaping her mouth, but she was too late. The cloud hit her face with a weightless thud—soft as a blanket, but reeking of death. It slid over her skin like electric static, a jolt stabbing through her spine, and then her skin began to crackle like fire running along telephone wires.
Her skin burned to grayish brown ash within seconds, the remote following suit as it quietly crackled in her palm. A sudden gust of wind swept over the metal beast's head, and the petrified body tumbled off, crumbling slightly as it smacked the ground.
After about twenty minutes, Skarr had recovered and reassembled herself again, her skin still itchy from the cracks the burns had given her.
She was sitting on top of the Enriqueta Jr. robot's head again, the metal underneath her slightly bobbing up and down as the robot sniffed the area again. Its footsteps sent quiet tremors through the pavement yet again, the asphalt slowly crumbling under the paws' weight. The buildings surrounding it were all set ablaze, the smoke polluting the air like a failed barbecue. The fiery stink emerged from the cracked walls and collapsed metal heaps, their mustardy tang stirring a hypnotic tune that tickled everyone's noses. In addition, the huge red dome eyes burned brighter than ever, the heat fighting against the glass walls to escape the confines. Hectara and Boskova walked a few yards behind the metallic monstrosity, the air stroking their eyes with the sting of poison ivy.
"The tests are testing great, Skarr!" Hectara complimented, the fluid in her brain dome flashing its sickly green light as Boskova's eyelids grew heavier, "Only 236 more tests to test!"
Skarr's face hardened in agreement, the corners of her mouth pulling upward and her brow furrowing into the bridge of her nose.
The metal Chihuahua emerged from behind a building, its nose hissing as it released slow drafts of musty air. Its feet tapped the pavement beneath, crunching tiny stones to meal as it slinked further into the view of potential enemies. It whirred its head to the left and white, the eyes giving off an electric sensation as they spread among the thick domes like wildfire. It stopped briefly as soon as its full body was visible, tail flicking the dust in all directions like a hurricane.
Skarr quickly jerked her head back so fast her brain bounced off the back of her skull. The dog responded almost immediately, jumped in front of the building in response, wind blasting against a metal wall as it landed surprisingly silently.
Its rider craned her head downward, the joints in her neck creaking slowly as she stared at the ground, prompting the giant metallic head to follow suit with its own wailing creak. The general looked down at the remote, her eyes twitching in their sockets, stealing occasional glances at the view behind the wall as sweat cascaded down her slightly reddened skin. Her right index finger caressed the shiny metal of the smaller machine, the sparkles flickering quickly as another electric sensation slithered through her limbs.
She finally settled on a button close to the screen, giving it a hard stab with her callused finger. The green words PLAY FETCH popped up on the screen, zipping their signal to the gigantic robot below.
Hectara and Boskova also emerged from behind the building, the former scanning for a vantage point. The latter sniffed the air warily, her nose twitching as the layers of rot and chemicals tangled in her sinuses. The wind howled quietly as usual, swirling with its charred particles, brushing their skin with invisible grit.
But the moment offered no peace—a screech of metal split the air—closer this time—and the stench of ammonia rushed toward them like a thinly veiled threat. The thick air shoved itself against their bodies, nearly knocking them off their feet. Before they hit the ground, a wide maw of steel snapped down on them, the hinges above them groaning as the mechanism compressed like a monstrous trash compactor.
As soon as they were captive, Skarr's smile exposed her unevenly shining teeth yet again, her finger tingling faster than ever. It jumped across the controller, tapping the flat surface quickly as if it were lit on fire, and settled itself on another button, slamming it hard to the bottom of the contraption. The words BURY THE BONE graced the screen, prompting the same electric sensation in its eyes.
The dog leapt forward with a speed that betrayed its bulk, its landing soft and silent save for a few whirring servos in its joints. It turned its nose toward the ground, sniffing wildly as its familiar ammonia reek slowly swirled into the air. After a few seconds, it raised its paws into the air, the vacuum below them thickening as the joints whirred their usual high-pitched scream.
Several seconds later, the dog slashed the ground open, creating a large opening and digging quickly with quick strokes that shot the dirt backward like machine gun ammo. It descended further toward the Earth's bottom, its sharp claws tearing apart the asphalt like wet toilet paper, exuding an uneasy energy that shook Skarr around the place. When that was finished, it placed Hectara and Boskova into the opening, the bear's fur tingling as it scanned the surrounding area.
"Well," Skarr chuckled as the giant dog flung dirt around the asphalt and hit "Hectara's toy worked pretty good." She turned around and walked the other way, her teeth chattering and her smile tugging tightly at the corners of her mouth as the robot Chihuahua's whirring joints launched it in the air. "Good riddance to bad rubbish," she said, throwing the remote control behind her onto the pile the giant dog had created as it landed softly onto the pile.
Unfortunately, the remote displaced a few small stones, one of them flicking a button very close to the screen. The mechanism beeped to life once more, the words on its screen reading BEGIN SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE in neon green font, vibrating like an out-of-control drill.
"Self-destruct will occur in T minus ten seconds," the robot began, its jaws parting and releasing the usual noxious gas.
Nine…
The controller lay there on the mound.
Eight…
The words FETCH CHEW TOY appeared on the screen.
Seven…
The dog caught up with Skarr, who had thrown off her uniform.
Six…
The robot grabbed Skarr in its jaws, its motors letting out a bloodcurdling whir.
Five…
The robot tossed her upward, the general's skin tingling rapidly.
Four…
Skarr was suddenly shaken around, her brain thrashing the walls of her skull.
Three…
The general looked out into the ruined landscape before them.
Two…
The giant robotic dog grabbed her by her torso again.
One...
She stared out from her confines, eyes wide and vibrating against their sockets.
BOOM! Bunny Island's main rock was torn apart; fragments of stone, metal, and asphalt flying in all directions as the water blasted itself against the surrounding jagged rocks.
About an hour later, Skarr was back in her room, her body aching intensely and her eyes beating steadily like miniature hearts.
Her right arm was sprawled toward her left, its starchy cast caressing the skin underneath as sweat built up a putrid odor in this place. Her left leg (also in a cast, which Major Dr. Ghastly and Boskova had written their messages on)was partially suspended from the ceiling, its pelvic joint slowly creaking and creating a slightly softer and hotter tingling throughout its owner's skin. Her head was also partially mummified, the hair itching intensely and the skin underneath the eyes having become more shadow. Skarr looked around her, the world around her slightly blurry, and grabbed the remote control from a pile of half-eaten food and trash, flicking on the TV to a football game happening miles away.
"It is fourth down and one yard to go," the announcer chirped, his voice's energy zipping around the room and stirring the energy in Skarr's body, "and the score is tied with only five seconds on the clock—"
But her broadcast was interrupted by a sudden change in the screen, the blue light hanging over Skarr's head like an ominous sea monster, flashing the words IMPORTANT MESSAGE in red like an urgent warning.
"Ahem," Major Dr. Ghastly's voice rung out, its tone soft like stuffed animals but creeping onto Skarr's face like a wayward spider. "We interrupt this program to bring you an important message."
Skarr's brow furrowed downward as her eyes twitched faster, her mouth opening as if letting out an exasperated groan.
"Greetings, Skarr," Hectara began, her brain dome flashing that same familiar sickly tint of green as Boskova smiled and waved at the paramilitary commander. "It is my sincerest hope that you get well soon." The two stood alongside Ghastly in the command center, the head mad scientist's eyes sparkling brightly behind his goggles, the bear staring off into space with one raised eyebrow, and the former playgirl's gaze harder and fierier than ever. "Because you've got to work off the fifty million bucks you owe for that robot you broke!" she continued, her top dome flashing like a police siren once again and sending shivers throughout the injured general's body.
"Hey! You can't do—" Skarr protested, her right eye twitching faster than ever as her hat flew off her head, but she was cut off once more by the static coming from the TV, which then took her back to the football game.
"Who-wee, folks!" the announcer continued, her smile beaming across the stadium for all to see. "You can tell your grandkids that you just won the absolute best play in football history!"
The paramilitary commander just sat there, her eyes beating even more intensely at the chain of events that had turned this night upside down for her.
She heard the pigeons around her cooing that same lullaby no one wanted to hear, the bluish one tapping on her head as if it were a solid rock.
She pulled a box of birdseed out from under her bed with her left hand, emptying the contents into her mouth, and painfully blowing them out as the birds reached over to grab their fill.
This night had truly been a rough one for her, but at least there was some fun she could have the following day. She would have to work off the enormous amount of money she owed Hectara, but it would also open up plenty of opportunities to try better tactics against her boss. And maybe—maybe—someday she would be able to help design a better Enriqueta Jr. robot without the lag in reaction time.
The next chapter, "Look Alive!," will be up within the next 4-8 weeks. Have your eyes peeled for even more weirdness involving Grim, Billie, and Manny! And I'll continue to improve my writing and ensure my showing ("don't tell[ing]") doesn't slow the narrative too much!