"Stop fussing."
"I'm not fussing."
"Yes you are. You've adjusted your topknot for the third time since breakfast."
Azula clenches her jaw, angry at herself for giving her state of mind away like that. A weak mind makes for a weak body, her father's words come to her, and she mentally slaps them away like a spider-fly. Embarrassed, she almost subconsciously reaches for her hair again, and she catches herself mid-movement. Thankfully, Katara knows better than to show her the 'I told you so' smile Azula just knows she's feeling inside.
"Fine. So I am. What about it?"
"Hey." Katara takes Azula's hands in hers and looks up at her. "I know you're nervous, but we got this. Trust me."
"I do." It's as much an acceptance of Katara's words as something more. She does trust Katara. "It's the delegates and your friends I don't trust."
"They've come to see you", Katara counters. "They've trusted you first, or else they wouldn't be coming to the enemy's capital, just on your word. They want this."
"I know, I know…" Azula sighs. "When will they be here again?"
"By noon", Katara reminds her, not for the first time today. "Which is almost here. We should be going."
She leans up for a kiss.
"You remember what we practiced?"
"Yeah, yeah", Azula waves dismissively. "My memory is working perfectly fine, thank you very much."
"Then let's go." Katara slides on her helmet. "Lead the way, Your Highness."
Azula would be lying if she said that the teasing tone doesn't still make her blood boil a little, especially on a day like this. Mai would never. Even Ty Lee would never. But on the other hand…
Katara isn't afraid of me.
If she ever leaves, I'll see it coming. She wouldn't be afraid to say it to my face.
She will leave. Once the negotiations are complete.
She takes a deep breath, as subtly as possible.
She'll come back, she reassures. I know she will.
But knowing that Katara has no trouble standing up to her… it's strangely comforting. In a way, it makes her feel Katara's protection, her calming presence walking behind her, even more. Each clanking step of Katara's armoured boots feels like a hammer, smashing away at Azula's chest, as if to beat the fear out of her heart.
The palanquin arrives at the harbour just as the ship prepares to dock. The royal sloop is something to behold, and Azula enjoys the sight of it. The enormous, golden bow, jagged as if to cut through solid rock, shines under the mid-day sun and the control tower with its layers of pagoda roofs is almost tall enough to cast a shadow over the pier. It's the manifest symbol of her power, her throne, and for a moment, she misses it; misses the feeling of salty air in her face, all but sniffing Zuko's or the Avatar's trail in the wind. A simpler time.
The gangway falls and she straightens her posture. Behind her, Katara perks up in anticipation.
Here they come.
When she sees them, she feels as if her heart has stopped beating. As if she's falling.
Aang is first down the gangway. The boy she knew is gone, grown into a – he must be sixteen now, Katara counts – into a man. Head still shaven, but now framed by the beginnings of a beard under his chin. He grips his staff tightly, and it takes Katara a second to realise that he's limping.
What have they done to you?
She's barely had time to restrain her anger, force herself to stay silent and upright, when the others follow.
Zuko's long hair is gone, replaced by a more moderate ponytail. At first, she doesn't recognise him, looking for a splash of red between the others, but he's wearing a green tunic, almost blending in if not for his scar. Going by what Azula has told her, he has to be twenty by now, and unlike Aang, his beard, a traditional Fire Nation chin beard, is coming in well already. Toph is next, still shorter than the others, but grown to almost Aang's height. And Sokka…
Something's wrong, Katara can tell right away, but her eyes dart around, trying to spot it, before she suddenly notices the scarred cut across his right eye, the jagged line across his iris, like a shattered mirror. The way his eye seems oddly stuck in place, unmoving, while his left darts around nervously.
It feels like only the stiffness of the armor is holding her upright, and although she holds in a sob, she can't stop the tears that roll down her cheeks as she wordlessly cries into her helmet. Through blurry eyes, she sees Toph shoot her a curious look, and for a heartbeat, she fears that she's been found out.
Azula, oblivious to Katara's inner turmoil, steps forward and coolly lets her eyes wander across the new arrivals. A blue-clad Water Tribesman and two Earth Kingdom officers follow and take positions on each side of the line-up.
"Welcome to the Royal Palace City", she intones. "It is my great honour to welcome you in the ancestral seat of the Fire Lords and offer my hospitality to you."
The Avatar bows slightly.
"It is our honour to see you."
If Katara's eyes weren't blurry with tears, she would notice the way Sokka is clearly biting back on a sarcastic comment.
Azula touches her closed fists together in the traditional Air Nomad greeting and returns his bow.
"Avatar Aang. It is with great relief that I see you alive and well."
The words taste like ash on her tongue, and the insincerity must be obvious to the earthbending girl, if not everyone else. If you were dead, I wouldn't be in this situation, and yet I am forced to welcome you, to bow to you.
But if I can survive this, it will have been worth it.
She hints at a traditional greeting, fist to the upright palm, when she steps in front of Zuko.
"Brother. Always a pleasure."
When she makes eye contact, he doesn't recoil, like she expected him to, or avert his eyes. The lack of hostility shocks her, but it's only a fraction of a second later that she recognises it for what it is: inquisition. Zuko looks at her as if trying to stare through her skull and into her head, and doing a poor job hiding it.
Zuzu. Always so transparent…
She intertwines the fingers of her hands and bows ever so slightly for the earthbending girl and the two officers.
"Toph Beifong. Welcome to my nation. And your two companions are…?"
The two men have been staring at her display, clearly not expecting her to perform more than a superficial greeting, and it doesn't escape her attention that the younger one of them nudges the other with his foot.
Junior officer, Azula deduces, concerned with the propriety of his superior's behaviour but unable to introduce them in his stead.
"General Lan-Hua", the elder responds, in a hastily-steadied voice that would make Azula crack up if she weren't so well-composed. "This is General Gai. We represent the Earth King's interests."
Thanks, dum-dum, Azula internally rolls her eyes. Like I couldn't figure that out.
"I'm pleased to make your acquaintance, generals."
Sokka's eye, unlike Zuko's, has all the hostility she's expected. Despite digging through the reports of her agents, Azula doesn't know about the circumstances of his injury, but one look from him makes it clear he wishes tenfold the same on her. She extends her arm, and once he realises her intent, he grabs hers back with enough force to nearly crush her bones.
"Sokka." Her eyes dart to the symbols painted on his helmet. "Or should I say, Commander Sokka?"
Nothing pays off like a well-kept intelligence network, Azula congratulates herself, when his healthy eye widens in surprise. She allows herself the tiniest smile.
"Congratulations on your engagement."
His hand flies to the necklace around his throat while she arrives in front of the tribesman beside him.
"Elder Suljuq", the man coldly introduces himself while gripping her outstretched forearm. "I represent Chief Arnook from Agna Qel'a."
"I am honoured to receive the Chief's representative", Azula answers.
She steps back and has to restrain herself to not look towards Katara, to not give herself, the two of them, away.
"If you would follow me?"
"One moment", one of the generals – Lan-Hua, Azula reminds herself – speaks up. "We've come trusting your assurances of safe passage, but you will certainly understand that we will need some guarantees for our safety while we're here."
Azula raises an eyebrow. "I gave you my word, didn't I?"
"If you hadn't, we wouldn't be here."
"What did you have in mind?"
At that, Aang steps forward, and Azula has been doing this – politics, life at the palace – long enough to know that they must have rehearsed this before. The distrustful soldier, the peace-making Avatar. Good spirit, bad spirit. It's a tactic as old as time, and she can appreciate how much the little boy she fought has grown up.
"We have Appa on the ship", he declares (she knows, of course). "With your permission, we would like to take him with us."
"In case you need to escape my 'evil clutches'?" The answer is written over all of their faces, and she shrugs. "Fine. Whatever helps you sleep at night."
Fortunately, the streets to the palace have been cleared well in advance, and if anyone can see the giant bison, Azula is sure the sheer amounts of soldiers will deter them from thinking about it too much, let alone talking about it. Once again, her anxiety gets the better of her and she looks around, expecting an ambush or other hindrance, but none happens, and they reach the palace without incident. If nothing else, she hopes that the impressive display along the way, of soldiers lining the streets as far as the eye can see, will impress her guests – It better should, she bitterly thinks, I've taken too many soldiers from other units if not – and demonstrate her supposed strength.
Agni knows I'll need it.
Leading her guests into the palace's enormous entrance hall does feel good, though. There's something about the huge pillars, the ceiling so high it disappears in the darkness, that just instills respect and awe in people, or at least people who aren't Azula. This is her domain. To make the impression complete, they're met by a detachment of Imperial Firebenders in ceremonial armour.
"My servants will show you to your quarters", she announces. "If you need anything or want to go somewhere, just ask. The palace gardens are lovely this time of year."
Judging by the looks on their faces, nobody is interested. The Avatar might be, but he's learned to hide his emotions much better than Azula anticipated. The years have hardened him.
"As per my promise, you may depart any time you wish. Simply inform the staff."
At that, she notices the slightest bit of relaxation among them, even though they're clearly not prepared to believe her promises just yet.
"Needless to say, you are to understand yourselves as my honoured guests. You should expect nothing less than the appropriate level of respect from the servants. If there are any issues, you can take them directly to me."
"You will find us guests of humble needs", Elder Suljuq answers after exchanging a look with his Earth Kingdom colleagues. "Our only needs will be met at the negotiation table."
She has to appreciate his confidence. And yet…
Not if I have anything to say about it. Not the kind of demands I expect you're going to make.
"Very well. But first, my chefs have prepared a celebratory dinner for tonight, in recognition of this historic meeti—"
"No need", General Lan-Hua interrupts. "We would prefer to get straight to the point."
It takes all of her discipline not to snap a 'suit yourself' back at him, and she's sure it shows. She can see all of them watching her like a hawk, and if her unusual restraint impresses them… all the better.
"As you wish. We will convene tomorrow after sunrise."
Once the delegates have been led away and the two of them are safely inside their rooms, Azula angrily throws fire at the wall, and even seeing Katara flinch does little to temper her rage.
"This was a mistake", she snarls. "I've… humiliated myself for these people, 'honour to meet them', the whole display, and what have these ungrateful primitives shown me in return? Barely the minimal respect!"
"Azula…"
"This is pointless", Azula spits as she begins pacing up and down. "Completely pointless. I've put my throne, my life on the line, when they are clearly not interested in any solution other than seeing me in chains. Couldn't you see they were almost salivating at the thought? Even greeting me at all must have nearly killed them."
"Azula…"
"This was a terrible idea. What was I even thinking? I should never have listened to you—"
"AZULA!"
Katara grips her by the shoulders, stops her in her tracks and spins her around to face her.
"Respectully", she grinds out between her teeth, "shut up already."
"Fine, fine", Azula drawls, "I take it back. They're not primitives. Happy?"
"That's not what I'm talking about", Katara growls, "although, thanks for the reminder, that didn't hurt at all. But you", she lets go of Azula's shoulders, "are letting your fears get the better of you."
"I am not", Azula starts slowly, carefully dosing her voice with just the right amount of threat, "afraid. Is that understood?"
"Oh shut up. You are, and you need to stop it. We're both in this, so stop being a coward and act like you deserve that throne."
You did not.
You did not just say that.
They very nearly come to blows, and for a second, Katara expects that they will. But then Azula slumps down and stares at the floor.
"You're right", she whispers, almost inaudibly. "I am afraid."
The tears start flowing without her say so, and with them comes the loathing. She's supposed to demonstrate her strength to the negotiators, to represent the illusion of a nation that chooses to end a war it could see through and win, and yet here she is, crying before the proceedings have even started. Pathetic.
"Hey", Katara whispers as she puts her arm around Azula. "Hey. We're going to do this, okay? I need you to be strong with me."
She presses a kiss to Azula's lips and smiles.
"You can do this, Zula."
Azula snorts through the tears, and Katara tilts her head in confusion.
"'Zula'", Azula explains. "It's what Zuko used to call me. That, or just 'La. Haven't heard that one in a while."
"Oh. I can stop if you want?"
"Whatever. I don't really care."
"Well that's helpful."
Azula sighs.
"Do it or don't. In case you didn't notice, I'm not exactly into the whole spirit-tale ending, sweet-as-fire-candy thing." She bends down for a kiss. "It doesn't bother me, if that's what you're asking."
Charming.
"Ugh! Whatever."
Katara doesn't speak another word, and at dinner, she broods over her soup. Once or twice, Azula catches her gazing wistfully out the window, and it takes embarrassingly long for the pieces to fall into place.
Of course.
"You miss them."
It's not a question, it's a statement of fact, and Katara is more than a little hurt by it.
"Of course I miss them. What did you expect?"
Her face softens and she stares off into the distance.
"I was hoping I'd see them again, but to see them like this… I never imagined. I thought not hearing from them meant they'd be safe, that they were somewhere away from the front…"
Azula reaches out and, with a little hesitation, a wordless glance in Katara's direction, takes her hand.
"You know you can't see them", she insists. "Not right now. It would derail the negotiations and completely undermine my credibility."
"That's what you're concerned with?", Katara spits and pulls away her hand. "That's very comforting. Are you serious?"
"What? Peace is what you wanted all along, in case I need to remind you. All I'm asking is that you demosntrate a bare minimum of patience."
"Ugh! Forget it. You know exactly what I mean."
When Azula stands up to follow her, Katara slams the door of the bedroom in her face.
Tui and La, I love her, but spirits as my witnesses, sometimes I hate her.