A/N: You know what? Fuck this. I had a nice day and I feel like celebrating so I've moved the timeline along a little: unexpected bonus chapter!
Update tomorrow is still gonna happen as scheduled, I just felt like a treat. So, happy Monday morning everyone.
Content warning: domestic violence
When they reconvene the next day, it's clear immediately nobody quite knows how to proceed, and Katara can't blame them. After Azula's gory words the day before, none of them seem to know how to return the subject to the actual negotiations, and even if her opinion were relevant, Katara wouldn't know, either.
Azula does.
"Welcome back. Unless the delegates have any objections, I would like to return to your… list today and go through it one by one."
An unspoken but clearly visible collective relief goes through the party, and it's Aang who accepts on their behalf.
"With your permission, Your Highness, I'll suggest one of our demands to begin with."
"Certainly."
General Gai holds the scroll open for Aang.
"We demand the extradition of your father, Fire Lord Ozai, to stand trial for his crimes. Judging by your letter, I expect that won't be a problem."
In the background, Katara marvels at the steadiness of his voice, his confidence. He's really grown up.
"If your nation has already executed him", General Gai adds, "we will also accept proof of his death."
Azula smirks. Little do you know. She spreads her hands, open palms up, in a gesture of apologetic inability.
"I don't have him."
That certainly hits like a bombshell.
"What do you mean—", General Lan-Hua angrily begins, joined equally angered by Gai's "ash-maker lies!", while Elder Suljuq's "I find that hard to believe" is almost drowned out. In the background, Azula can see Zuko's eye narrowing, as if trying to gauge the truthfulness of her answer from afar. The only one who looks unperturbed is the earthbending girl.
"Calm down."
Soft-spoken as he is, the Avatar's voice carries, and the rest of his party falls silent.
"I think we would all like to hear your explanation."
Azula shrugs.
"Simple: I don't have him. Frankly, I assumed you killed him."
"I didn't." Something akin to pain briefly crosses the Avatar's face. "I defeated him and took his bending away. But he escaped in the chaos afterwards." He frowns. "Your letter seemed to suggest to us that you had taken the throne from him."
The last sentences pass by Azula and Katara like a blur as both of them share the same thought.
He can do that?
Eighteen years of discipline are all that saves Azula from betraying her feelings, the unrestrained terror that burns through her at the thought of losing her bending. She hurries to regain her composure, but even so, despite keeping her exterior calm, she's sure the Toph girl must have felt her reaction.
"I'm sorry to disappoint you", she puts as much arrogance and mockery into her voice as the situation allows, "but I haven't seen my father in three years." She shrugs, as nonchalantly as she can. "If you find him, you can have him. He is a traitor to my nation and we lay no claim on him."
"I see."
The Avatar seems inclined to believe her, but the rest of them still turn to the earthbender to verify her words. But just this once, Azula isn't worried. It's true.
"Shall we proceed on the list?" When nobody objects, she continues, "I believe you also demanded my own capture. Let me make it clear once and for all that I will accept no settlement on that basis, and neither will my nation."
"We'll see about that—", General Gai begins before Lan-Hua shushes him. If she weren't still distraught by the Avatar's revelation, Azula would find their little spectacle amusing. It's so obviously set up; small provocations, an unprofessionality so absurd it can only be pre-arranged, that she doesn't even know why they bother.
"Then let me bring up another point", the Avatar firmly states. "Reparations and the return of the Fire Nation colonies."
"No, let me make a suggestion", Azula shoots back. "We both know no agreement will be reached on this, not today, not right now. Not when all of our nations are boiling with hatred and our hands hover over our swords."
She makes a point of staring down the two generals while she says this. Theatrics or not, the contempt they hold for her and her nation is clearly real.
"I suggest we put our petty squabbles aside and focus on what really matters: peace. The details can wait."
(Gai's head nearly explodes when Azula says 'petty squabbles', and Katara's best guess is that he's from one of the colonies. She knows the tortured look of someone whose home has been lost all too well.)
Aang studies Azula for what seems like minutes, and Katara, from behind her helmet, anxiously watches him, tries to figure out what he's thinking. She's not as good at it as she used to be.
"Fire Lord Azula", he eventually begins, "you asked us here to talk. We followed your invitation in good faith. So talk. Let's hear your real offer."
For a split second, Azula struggles to choose between playing the long game or putting her cards down. Drive them away, or make myself too vulnerable?
She puts her cards down.
"Alright, if that's what you want."
She nods towards Katara.
"Check the doors, make sure nobody is listening."
"Don't get your royal panties in a twist", Toph casually calls out. "I checked. We're good."
Azula lets Katara check anyway. The word of the Avatar's friends carries no weight with her. Once Katara confirms they're alone, Azula lets her eyes roam over the group, making sure to make eye contact with every last one before she continues.
"A ceasefire. And end to this war. A release of all prisoners. A mutual promise of non-aggression. No more, no less." On a whim, she adds, "we can reconvene in, say, two years to talk about the colonies and reparations, when the wounds aren't fresh anymore."
"She's stalling!", General Lan-Hua angrily interjects. "We demand justice, now!"
"General", Azula says, as coldly as possible, "tell me, what do you prefer? Peace, even if it isn't all you wanted? Or do you want to keep burying your nation's sons and daughters? Do you want to tell grieving mothers their children had to die because you couldn't wait for two years?"
Bullseye. The pain and shock on his face are proof enough to confirm her assumptions. She is a people person. A man with a better grip on his emotions would never have betrayed himself to her like that, but Lan-Hua, skilled in theatrics as he may be, has nothing to shield him from her scrutinising eyes, picking out every weakness she can find.
I wonder whom he had to bury? Child? Wife? Father or mother? Clearly, the pain must still be fresh. He's still hurting.
"But", she adds, drawing on Katara's suggestion from before, "I believe I can make my generous offer more palatable for the Earth Kingdom. I will guarantee the safety of all Earth Kingdom citizens within my colonies. The ban on earthbending will be lifted and they will enjoy the same rights and safety as my subjects, the same freedom of movement – if the Earth King will guarantee the same to my subjects."
She's got Zuko surprised, that much is clear, even to Katara. As for the others… hard to tell. Sokka remains distrustful, obviously, and Toph can probably tell she means it (she does mean it, right?, Katara wonders), and Aang… Katara isn't sure. He's not the boy he was, and he's learned to hide his feelings in a way she didn't expect.
"You'll be free to send representatives to convince yourself of these rights at any time. And in two years' time, we will meet again to decide on our future borders and related matters. What do you think, General Gai?"
She singles out the younger officer, the junior one, and he is clearly taken aback at her deliberate violation of the chain of command. He and General Lan-Hua briefly whisper, before Gai turns back to the throne.
"We will need to deliberate in private. I suggest we take a break until tomorrow."
"Of course."
"The Northern Water Tribe defers to the Earth Kingdom about the colonies", Suljuq announces. "But we are not prepared to give up on reparations quite that lightly. Your Highness."
"The South agrees", Sokka backs him up.
Azula shrugs. "Whatever you say."
The delegates are led out of the room, and once Azula is sure they're sufficiently far away, she and Katara leave, too, headed for their own quarters. There, Azula immediately withdraws into the study, pores over maps and frontline reports from the colonies; anything to distract herself and feel prepared, not that she would ever admit to herself that's what she's doing.
Katara knocks.
"What is it?"
"I need some fresh air. Can you do without me for an hour?"
Azula looks up, midway through reading the Yu Dao census.
"They're getting to you, aren't they?"
Katara sighs.
"Everything is getting to me, Zula. It's all been a bit much to take in, in case you didn't notice. Maybe you can just shrug it off, but I can't."
(Azula can not just shrug it off. She knows it. Katara knows it.)
"Fine, whatever."
Katara barely resists the urge to roll her eyes at Azula's reaction.
"Don't die while I'm out, okay?"
Outside the door, she waves one of the guards across the hallway closer.
"Corporal, I'm going out for a while. Where's Captain Meiyo?"
"In her office, ma'am."
"Get her", Katara orders. "I want her to relieve me until I'm back."
"At once, ma'am!"
I shouldn't leave her alone, Katara can't help but think. But I need a break. I need to get out, just for a while.
She has guards on every side, she reasons. And Meiyo can take care of her safety. I don't need to be by her side every second.
It's just some fresh air. I'll be back before she knows it.
When Meiyo arrives, Katara snaps out of her thoughts.
"Captain. Thank you for coming. I am entrusting the Fire Lord's safety to you for an hour or two."
The captain salutes.
"I relieve you."
Katara returns the salute, fist to upright palm, even though she's sure she's got it wrong. As soon as she's out of sight, it feels like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders.
Finally.
Where to? Dojo? Park? Gardens?
In the end, there's nobody to blame. Perhaps it's coincidence. Perhaps it's fate that Katara's favourite spot in the gardens just happens to also be someone else's. Perhaps Azula's needling about the conference room hit a little too hard. Either way, when Katara approaches a pavillon by the Fire Lily Gardens, she freezes when she hears voices, and hurries behind a bush to stay unseen.
"…nervous. She doesn't show it, but trust me, she must be screaming inside."
That's Toph's voice.
"I don't know", that's Zuko. "She looks a lot better than the last time I saw her. If she's sincere, then she has every reason to be nervous. My father didn't exactly leave a court that would approve of these negotiations."
"Maybe it's that guard", the suspicion in Sokka's voice pierces right through Katara's heart. "What's up with him? I've never seen a uniform like that before."
"Yeah…", Toph muses. "Something's off about him. His feelings are all over the place, even more than Her Royal Miss Bitch's. I tell you, he's shaking under that armour."
"Then something is wrong", Sokka snaps. "I say we just confront them both. No more negotiations until Azula tells us what's going on. I want to know who's under that helmet."
"That won't be necessary", Toph says, cocky grin all but dripping from her voice, and Katara barely has time to process the words before the ground under her feet explodes and sends her flying over the hedge, right in front of the pavillon.
"I knew it!", Sokka gleefully howls. "Azula's spying on us!"
"Don't look at me", Katara screeches, frantically feeling around for her helmet, face to the floor. But it's too late. She's just found the helmet when it's snatched from her fingers; her arms fly up to cover her face, but strong hands grab her arms and pull them down.
"Katara‽"
Four voices shout their disbelief in unison and Katara wishes she could sink into the ground and disappear forever.
"What are you doing here?"
"What happened?"
"Why were you eavesdropping?"
"What are you doing in that uniform?"
"Did you sneak in? Are you undercover?"
"Where have you been?"
"We thought you were dead!"
"How did you survive?"
"What's that on your face?"
The questions rain down on her and don't stop. Her friends get loud enough that the detachment of guards escorting them hurry closer, and immediately, Sokka and Zuko assume fighting stances. The guards in turn reach for their weapons, raise flaming hands…
"Enough!"
Silence falls. Everyone looks at her.
"Lieutenant, return to your post", Katara commands. "This doesn't concern you."
The man salutes. "Yes, ma'am!"
With that, she's tipped her hand, and as soon as the guards are out of earshot, the questions resume tenfold.
"What was that all about?"
"Stop it!", Katara insists, to no avail.
"What are you doing here?", Sokka prods. "Why do they take orders from you? What's going on?"
"I can't tell you!"
"What do you mean? We come here and what do we find? My sister in a firebender uniform", he spits the word with distaste, "giving orders? What's happened to you?"
"Yeah", Zuko chimes in. "I think we deserve some answers. Did Azula put you up to this? Is she threatening you somehow?"
"I can't! Stop it!"
"I bet she's brainwashed you! You know what the Dai Li can do; you're not yourself!"
"What's the last thing you remember? Do you know how you got here?"
"Did Azula talk to you?"
"Do you remember any lights?"
Tears start to flow the more she's overwhelmed by their questions.
"Is that you guarding her?"
"Who did this to you? Was it Azula?"
"Leave me alone!", she sobs, as more and more questions pile up. "Stop!"
"Talk to us", Sokka insists. "We can get you out of here. Whatever power she has over you, we can help!"
"She burned you!", Zuko shouts. "Why would you be defending her?"
"Yeah", that's Sokka, "that was her, right? Just say the word and I'll make her pay!" There's a deadly seriousness to his words. "Talk to us, Katara!"
"I can't", Katara repeats, "I can't! I shouldn't even be here with you at all!"
"Why?", Sokka angrily asks.
"I can't tell you", Katara cries. "Just drop it, Sokka, please!"
"That's not an answer!", Sokka shoots back, backed by Zuko's similarly angry and confused, "Whatever my sister's done to you…"
"It's not what you think!", Katara insists through the tears. "She hasn't put me up to anything, or, or brainwashed me, or whatever you think—"
"And how would you know?", Sokka yells. "You could be under her control right now and not realise!"
"Yeah", Zuko backs him up, "my sister has manipulated people all her life. Whatever she's told you, it's not true! She's lying!"
At this point, Katara's sobs turn into gasping for air and she's breaking down, falling to her knees, putting her hands over her ears to drown out the relentless onslaught of inquisition amidst her desperate cries of 'stop, leave it alone!'.
"Guys", Aang interjects at last, "leave her alone."
They do so, reluctantly, and not without shooting murderous glares at the palace and the guards who have withdrawn to a safe distance.
"Katara", he continues, "can you tell us why you can't explain?"
"I swore an oath", Katara sniffs as she stands up and wipes her tears away. "I have a duty and I'm honour-bound to fulfil it."
Aang thinks it over.
"We thought you were dead", he slowly begins. "The decision to come here, thinking Azula killed you, wasn't easy. I'm not sure how we can trust her now."
"You have to", Katara insists. "She means it, that's all I can tell you."
She spins around. "Tell them, Toph. You know I'm not lying."
The look on Toph's face is more torn than Katara has ever seen her before, and it turns into a mask of concentration as she focuses on Katara. Even though there's nothing to feel, Katara still feels as though she's being stared through, as if Toph is trying to feel into her to the bone.
"You believe what you're saying", Toph eventually confirms, "but I'd still like to know how you know that. No offence, sugar queen, but what you're asking us to believe…"
"I can't tell you."
The chorus of angry voices is about to return when Aang shushes them.
"Katara, I have to ask… are your loyalties with Azula?"
Yes. Yes they are. But that's clearly the wrong answer. She wants the same as you, peace. My loyalties are with both of you. Probably not gonna go over well, either.
"My loyalties lie with peace", she eventually answers.
"And do you believe hers do?"
"Yes. I do."
Aang looks at her for what feels like minutes, that hopeful stare from his grey eyes, like a kicked puppy, that Katara finds so hard to resist. It reminds her of how he used to be – that burden of premature age, that stupid, adorable, infuriating need to sacrifice himself and keep them out of it… those shoulders, heavy with destiny… he's too old; far older than the sixteen he is. They all are. He looks at her with the eyes of a warrior, eyes that have seen too much death; how much, she can only guess.
But eventually, he nods.
"I believe you."
Katara wipes a rogue tear off her face. "Thank you."
After a heartbeat of indecision, she spreads her arms and, at his nod, pulls him into a hug. He's taller than her now, able to rest his head on her shoulder with height to spare, and her face is at just the right head to meet his neck.
"I hope these obligations don't forbid you from hugging your brother, too?", Sokka grumbles behind them, still audibly confused and upset, but with a longing in his voice that mirrors Katara's own. With that, the dam is broken, and once she embraces him, she finds herself in a fourfold group hug. Sokka is still stiff, as if he's not sure he should be doing this; as if he's expecting her to go full Lake Laogai and run him through with a knife, and it hurts. It hurts more than she's prepared to handle. But he still embraces her, and so does Zuko, so does Toph. She'd nearly forgotten – no, she had forgotten, right up until now, how these group hugs felt.
Zuko runs warm, she notices, just like Azula.
And Toph's hugs are just as bone-crushing as her elbows.
"How's dad?", she mumbles into Sokka's chest. "How is everyone at home?"
Once they pull out of the hug, she sees Sokka exchanging a quizzical look with the others before answering.
"Until I know where you stand, I'm not sure how much I can tell you", he begins. "But dad is doing okay. That's all I can say."
"I understand."
The words hang in the air between them like an invisible barrier. The illusion of the old team back together disappears just as easily as it came.
"I should go", Katara eventually breaks the silence. "I have… things to do."
Duties to attend. Places to be. A Fire Lord to protect.
"Before I go", she remembers just in time, "I have to ask you not to tell anyone about me. Please. You must promise."
"That's not fair", Sokka immediately protests, but Toph elbows him in the side. Katara's anguish is probably palpable to her.
"Not forever", Katara begs. "But, please. I need you to promise. Just… trust me on this."
"It's hard to trust you", Zuko throws in, "when you keep secrets from us."
"Aang", she turns to him, hopes that Azula's instinct that the de facto leadership has shifted to him is correct, "please. I can't tell you why. But it's important."
"We promise", Aang reluctantly agrees. "For now."
"Thank you."
She holds out her hand. "My helmet."
With one small bending movement, Toph catapults it up from the ground, and Katara catches it and puts it on.
"I'll see you."
On the way back, it feels like a weight's been lifted from Katara's back, only to be replaced by another. Dad is okay. And they believe me. At the same time the terror of being discovered still has a firm grip on her. When she arrives at her and Azula's rooms, Meiyo just raises an eyebrow before stepping aside to permit her entrance, and she barely has time to wonder about it before a new issue takes centre stage.
The place is a mess. Scorch marks on the walls, broken furniture. And it doesn't take long to find out why.
"So this is how you repay me", Azula spits as soon as she spots Katara. "By going behind my back."
What?
"Don't bother denying it. I've been told everything. You went to see your friends", the word drips with venom, "in spite of my direct orders."
"First of all, I did not 'go see them'", Katara shoots back, "and second, that's why you've demolished the place?"
"Would you rather I take it out on you?"
"You have a problem. Are you even listening to yourself?"
"Oh, I do have a problem", Azula snarls, "and that problem is you. What were you thinking? Were you even thinking, or were you just so overcome with your primitive need for a happy family that you didn't even consider the consequences of your actions?"
That does it.
"Oh shut up. Just so you know, I didn't go looking for them, I accidentally ran into them. In fact, I would never have talked to them if Toph hadn't noticed me."
"And that's supposed to make me feel better? The damage is done; you have done the damage", Azula gets louder. "I expected you to do as I told you; you should have left as soon as—"
"Okay, let's get one thing clear. You", Katara levels an accusing finger at Azula, "are not in any position to order me around. Okay? I thought we were in this as equals, and if we're not, then you can protect yourself from now on."
That hits Azula, and deeply. Katara wants to take the words back as soon as she says them, but it's too late. A threat to abandon Azula is an implicit threat of death, they both know it.
"I didn't think you had it in you", Azula mumbles once she regains her composure.
"Azula, I—"
"No, no, don't bother. You've said it. As if it weren't already clear where your loyalties lie."
Katara steps forward and slaps her.
"Will you finally shut up and listen to me?"
For just a second, she expects Azula to attack her back. Azula expects to attack her back. But the flames in her hands go out before they've fully appeared and she shrugs instead.
"Whatever. Say what you have to say."
"I've kept my word", Katara angrily insists. "I didn't tell them anything. Not about us, nothing about you, nothing about what happened to me the past three years. They know I'm the one protecting you, I admit it, but nothing else."
"What does it matter? They know about you now. Can you even begin to imagine how that affects my credibility?" If Azula were more emotionally inclined, she would probably throw her arms up. "I'm not the reasonable Fire Lord who invited them here to negotiate any more. In their eyes, I'm the crazy ash-maker who burns peope's faces and has brainwashed you into serving me, or whatever they imagine happened!"
"You don't know that", Katara protests. "And as for your credibility, since that's all you're worried about, if anything, I've helped it! I told them you're sincere, that you really want peace. Toph was there to confirm what I said; if my word carries any weight with them, I just strengthened your position! Oh and don't worry, they won't tell the others anything."
"And you believe that?", Azula scoffs. "Please."
"I do", Katara simply answers. "They're still my friends, my family. I know they wouldn't lie to me. But I guess you wouldn't understand that. You've never been honest in your life; you've never loved anyone in your life enough to trust them!"
She storms out, and it takes a long while (and several destroyed chairs) before Azula is too tired to take her anger out any further.
You're wrong, she eventually thinks, long after Katara has gone to sleep. I love you.