Happy Monday!
Can't believe it's the last week of March already.

I finally finished playing Veilguard. Let's just say...the ending has DEFINITELY proven that I need to re-write it as Lara's story haha.
Overall I enjoyed it, but a lot of the writing just did not hit the same as the other games. Most likely due to the new team.
It will be a part 2 (or book 2) in this series but it will be a little bit of time before we get there.

In the meantime, we are back in Skyhold!
Hope you all enjoy xx

As always, thank you for all your love and support in the meantime.

—-

Chapter 46:

Their taste of the future soon subsided as the day of their departure arrived. Cullen had extended their trip without telling Lara and thankfully it was approved. There were no objections from Skyhold but Cullen knew it was because they didn't want their Inquisitor coming back in the same state she left. It would still take time for her to recover, for her to feel any sense of normalcy again. That blank expression, thank the Maker, was starting to appear less and less. He doubted that she had gained anything but vomiting was no longer an issue. A slight color returned to her cheeks but there were still faint bruises where her bones protruded and her hair was shedding. Her nightmares, unfortunately, still hadn't left her but that was a job for Solas.

Not that he had needed their approval. He knew her in a way that they didn't. Understood that she needed time, not pressure or force. She had truly opened up to him on this trip. Something he never thought possible. An ancient key and lock within her that no one else had discovered but him. And she had let him have access to it. That night she had offered him to have his way with her…to tie her up, to be at his mercy. Maker, it was like nothing else he experienced. That trust she had in him had blown him away. His depravity had taken advantage of it, not giving it a second thought. But he wouldn't take her fully. Not in the state her body was in. Lara hadn't protested and hadn't asked him again for his cock, thankfully.

Even though Alistair had insisted he had people to clean the cottage, Cullen and his men still tidied it up as best as they could. With the cottage taken care of and the carriage packed, he made his way to where Lara laid in the grass. He had caught her doing it in Skyhold once and the sight made him panic, not knowing what that meant. Dorian had informed him it helped her to stay grounded. For her brain and body to realize she was on the surface, not down in those depths. That had shattered him. Pained him, knowing what that was like. Hated that she was now going through that torture. But whatever she needed to heal, he wouldn't object.

"The carriage is ready," He spoke as he crouched down beside her.

A sad expression crossed her face. She still clutched that romance book to her chest even if she had already finished it. He wondered if it was another comfort for her.

"Must we go? Can't we just stay here?" She asked.

How I wish we could…How I wish we could start our life together…

The road before them was a long one. Their future wasn't within his grasp. Even after Corypheus's defeat, there would still be work to do. Areas to tidy up loose ends in, connections to string, regions to help. It would be a while until their work was finished as the Inquisition.

"I would love nothing more than to keep you away from everything. To have a future with you. Unfortunately, duty calls," Cullen replied as he laid down next to her.

To his surprise, she curled her body into him, burying her face in his neck. He held her there for as long as she needed, his fingers trailing up and down her spine. It wasn't long till one of his men dared to interrupt.

"Commander, I'm afraid we must depart. We're being expected at Skyhold," The soldier spoke.

Cullen nodded. He kept Lara in his arms, keeping her close as he carried her to the carriage. Savoring the fact that she was leaning towards him. Running to him. Needing him. Gone were the days of her avoiding him, keeping him at length. Time. That was all she needed.

—-

The journey to Skyhold was quicker than the one leaving it. How she already missed the charm of that cottage, the seclusion, the uninterrupted time alone with the ex-templar who never loosened his grip on her the entire ride. He kept her in his lap, let her sleep on him, caressed her, held her close like she was the only thing that mattered. Those slivers of light that had shown through were now dissipating the closer they were to the fortress. That nightmare demon lurked there, followed her to Skyhold. Tainted the magic in that place that she held so dear. It had become home, her safety…and it stole that from her.

Fight it. Do anything that casts it aside.

And she would do exactly that. She would reclaim Skyhold. Reclaim Cullen's office. A plan formulated in her mind during the ride. Speak with Blackwall. Train with Solas. Stay close to Dorian. Keep Cullen in her quarters. Read books. Anything to keep that silence out. Anything to stop it from chasing her. Even if she stuck to a robotic schedule, it was better than letting it win. She was the key to everyone's salvation. The one to defeat Corypheus. And she would use that as her motivation.

That familiar thrum of magic flowed through her veins as they reached the fortress. The gates appeared in the distance and she couldn't stop that hollowness from returning. Sticking to the plan would be the only way out. She was met with a sight she didn't expect; nearly everyone in Skyhold was there to greet them as the carriage pulled in. To see how both their Inquisitor and Commander were faring after two weeks away. Before they made their exit, she had to ask him one last thing before their privacy was stolen from them.

"That night…you said you would make me your wife?" Lara looked up at him.

"I did. And I will. When we're ready," Cullen pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"But what if–"

"Lara, I'm aware of the risks. Let me hold onto my faith," He cut her off, taking her hand in his.

How he managed to have faith in anything was beyond her. After everything he had been through…he still put his faith in her. A mage. That faith had kept him going, gave him an ounce of strength to make it even if he had begged for death at one point. It would be cruel to take that from him.

"Okay," She replied.

His reply was a tender kiss on her lips, one that made her melt. The idea of being married, of being a wife…she had no emotions towards it. One thing at a time. A roar of laughter and chatter permeated the carriage as the door was opened. Some whistles could be heard from his men as they witnessed their kiss. Cullen's lips had twitched against her own in a smile that erupted butterflies in her stomach. Lara couldn't help but smile, too.

Dorian was there front and center waiting for her, and the concern on his face as he assessed her tore at her. He had been worried about her and as much as the Tevinter hated emotions, it was on display. For her. Without a second thought, she ran towards him as she descended the carriage. Her best friend wasted no time in wrapping his arms around her.

"Thank the Maker there's some color on your face again," He commented with a sigh of relief.

"I'm still not in one piece," She whispered, trying to fight back tears.

"No, but those pieces look a little better than they did before," He replied, his voice shaky.

Lara broke the hug to take him in. Tears filled his eyes, with one running down his cheek. A tear of her own slid down her cheek. He too looked in slightly better condition than when they had arrived from the Deep Roads. Bull had been with him, helping him. She was grateful for him as she had failed as his best friend. Failed to help him even though she couldn't pick up her own pieces.

"So do yours," Her lip trembled as more tears fell.

A sob left Dorian but he immediately let out a laugh to cover it up. He detested displays of emotions and this alone must've made him uncomfortable but neither of them were the same after those depths. With a sigh, she leaned into Dorian, her arms still wrapped around him. She didn't care how many prying eyes were on them.

"Lethallan," Solas greeted her with a warm smile.

"Solas," She whispered as she removed herself from Dorian.

As if he expected it, Solas offered an arm. The elf was used to her affections by now. She took it, letting him hug her. It wasn't as tight a hug as Dorian's but Solas was better at keeping his emotions aside, not that she would ever admit that to Dorian.

"You've been practicing," The elf commented.

Lara nodded against his chest. Whatever magic abilities Solas possessed, it triumphed hers by far. The things he could sense, the things he knew…she wouldn't dare lie to him. Or test him.

"I still need you to teach me. And the Fade…that nightmare demon…" Lara started as she pulled away.

"It is your College after all. Shall I expect you tomorrow? We can handle the nightmare demon when you're ready. Your condition is still…weak," Solas replied carefully.

"I'll be there," Lara replied immediately.

Before the elf could respond, Bull and Varric sauntered over to them.

"Welcome back, Boss," Bull greeted her.

"We have a party waiting at the tavern, Lucky," Varric smirked.

"A party?" Lara questioned. Alcohol was the farthest thing on her mind.

"Our Inquisitor was gone for two weeks. It's a perfect excuse for a party if you ask me," Varric chuckled.

"Are you coming, Solas?" Lara asked, although she knew the answer.

"I'm afraid not," Solas replied.

"Oh c'mon Chuckles. The tavern isn't going to kill you," Varric shook his head.

"And endure Sera's offensiveness? No, thank you," Solas narrowed his eyes.

Sera did have a knack for offending Solas and she took great enjoyment in doing so. It would be difficult to avoid Sera in the tavern considering she took residence in the level above it. With that, Solas had departed. She watched him leave, debating if she should call after him but decided against it. Cullen was also departing, his men surrounding him, each one lost in chatter. The tavern awaited her.

—-

Varric wasn't kidding when he said a party awaited her. Cheers erupted as she made her way through the crowded tavern. A banner was held high across the bar with the words Welcome Back, Our Inquisitor & Her Dashing Commander. Dorian had a say in the banner, no doubt. It brought a small smile to her face. Other decorations filled the tavern and a large part of Skyhold occupied the space. The crackling of the fireplace caught her attention and a heat that had nothing to do with the fire caused her to flush. Cullen had made love to her in front of that fireplace. The memory of his movements, of the love he poured into her, of his words…

I have always loved you. And I always will.

An intense rush of emotions slammed into her and suddenly all she wanted to do was run out of this tavern and into his arms. Ever since they had poured into each other, that hurt she carried slowly thinned. She had forgiven him, knew how truly sorry he was, and how much he was atoning for his mistake even if he believed nothing would be enough.

A glass of her favorite wine awaited her. The nostalgia of tavern nights made itself known. Maker, it had been too long. This was what she needed to cling onto and make more of. This was what would keep that darkness at bay and with any luck, it would grow smaller with time. She took her seat next to Dorian, who had his own wine prepared. Bull, Blackwall, Sera, and Varric had joined them, each with their own drink of choice in hand.

"Shame Chuckles wouldn't join us," Varric commented as he took his seat.

Sera only blew a raspberry. She didn't care much for the elf like Lara did.

"Strange. His grave in the Fade had read 'dying alone'. For someone who fears dying alone with no interpersonal connections, he sure does prefer solitude," Dorian shook his head.

"Perhaps it's more than that," Lara replied. The elf truly was a mystery at times.

"Very well could be. Odd for someone who doesn't care much for his own people only to save his heart for one of his own," Dorian continued.

"Don't forget about those spirits in the Fade," Blackwall winked.

Sera already began snickering. Lara took a sip of her wine to hide her smile.

"You can't possibly think he has intimate relations with spirits?" Dorian argued.

"He didn't deny it when I asked," Blackwall shrugged. "Said that nothing about spirits was simple. Especially not that."

"Or maybe he's waiting for a special kind of elf to catch his attention. He could have someone already that we don't know about," Bull added.

That was possible. They could meet in the Fade even though Lara had seen no evidence of him looking for anyone else when they visited together. Any hints of someone special in his life.

"Bet he calls out 'Elven Glory' when he finishes," Sera made a face.

Suddenly, her wine went down the wrong pipe causing her to cough and spit up her drink, burning her throat. Dorian had nearly done the same, laughing through his coughs. Blackwall roared with laughter, as did Bull. Varric only chuckled, shaking his head. For some reason, she could picture that image and it made her entirely uncomfortable.

"How are things between you and the Commander?" Blackwall asked, changing the subject.

"Why?" Lara asked cautiously.

"Curly was worried he had lost you forever. As were we. None of us expected you to return in that condition," Varric sighed.

"Not to mention him risking his life as he did. I didn't think he could be that foolish," Blackwall shook his head.

"We're…good. I think we both needed that time away," Lara admitted.

"You two look better. You also go well together. Couldn't have made a better pair in my novels, even if I tried. Maybe you two might be my future inspiration," Varric smiled, taking a sip.

"Your Cully-wully," Sera snickered. "Lots of men under him. Needs a woman over him. Because positions."

Lara couldn't stop the intense blush that hit her cheeks as she shifted uncomfortably. The others laughed, knowing her meaning. The more she let those words sit, the more she realized how true they were. More than just the sexual meaning. How many men he had commanded, had led. How long he had been in charge, in command. He didn't need another woman to command. He needed a woman to command him, a woman to take charge. To surrender himself to.

Any command you make of me, I will lay at your feet, including the world.

My heart is yours to do with as you wish.

And true to his word, he always had. He surrendered his heart to her. Even if it meant she wouldn't accept it, rejected him, he would accept it. It was her choice. Maker, how she ached for him. How much she loved him.

"Ah, the man of the hour is here," Dorian rose from his seat.

Gabriel. Those bright blue eyes searched and searched frantically for his sister till he found her sitting next to Dorian. Relief flooded him as he took her in. Guilt formed low in her gut. She had been so distant, so cold with him, when he had dropped his own family to be by her side. Rising to her feet, she maneuvered around Dorian and made her way to her brother. There were people who loved her, her brother included. She decided she would keep him close, even if it meant dealing with the hurt and the pain in order to forgive him. Without warning, she threw herself into his arms, hugging him tightly. He wasted no time in returning that hug.

"Thank the Maker," He sighed with relief.

"For what?" She looked up at him. Still looked at him like he was the best there ever was.

A warm smile spread across his face, no doubt being thrown into the past when his little sister used to look at him like that. Before she was thrown into a Circle.

"That trip did you well. I was so worried you'd come back how I first saw you," He shut his eyes.

"I'm not there yet," She replied.

"No, but you have some color. It's a start. You were so…lifeless. Dead almost. I never want to see you like that again," He pulled her in for another hug.

"I'm sorry. For how I've been towards you. I want to forgive you. I want my brother back," She admitted.

"You have no reason to apologize, but I would love nothing more than to have my little sister back," He replied, smiling.

"You two are going to make me emotional. Sit down and have a drink," Dorian called out.

Gabriel laughed as he walked them over towards Dorian. To Lara's surprise, the two shared a brief hug before Gabriel took his seat. Dorian caught on to her shocked expression and narrowed his eyes on her.

"Are you so surprised that we get along?" Dorian said with a smug look on his face.

Tears welled in her eyes. For once, she had friends. A found family. Those depths had almost made her forget that. Had almost taken it from her. She wouldn't let it try and take anything else from her.

—-

"I need you to train me again," Lara announced as she visited Blackwall's quarters the next day.

"Straight to the point, my lady," Blackwall chuckled, wiping his hands. "I'm afraid you are in no state to train."

"Why not?" Lara fought back, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You've barely gained any weight back. You're still too weak," He shook his head.

"I'm trying not to be weak. Teach me the basics then," Lara wasn't going to back down.

"The basics will still deplete your energy. I won't have you passing out on me," Blackwall wasn't going to back down either.

"I won't pass out," Lara argued.

"You passed out practicing magic with Solas. Training is even more exerting," Blackwall narrowed his eyes.

"Magic is different! You can't compare them," Lara replied.

"No," Blackwall turned, returning to his station.

"Yes!" She shouted, a burst of electricity exploding in the distance between them.

Blackwall faced her again. She wasn't going to let it go, even if it meant misusing her magic. The last time she had trained, it had exhausted her to the point where her mind had been quieted. Untangled her inner turmoils. She needed that again. She needed it to fight that demon. Desperation was her motivator. Desperate to make it all go away.

"Why?" Was all he asked.

"Because those depths destroyed me. I never want to be that weak again. I will not let another thing destroy me. That darkness followed me here and the only way I can defeat it is by fighting back," She replied shakily, not wanting a single tear to fall.

Blackwall stared at her. Took her in. Weighed up her words.

"I need Cullen's permission," He finally replied.

"I don't need his permission," She hissed, taking steps towards him.

"No, but I do. I won't do this unless he approves," He now crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'm Inquisitor," She fought.

"He's your lover. You considered Josephine when you saved my life, did you not?" He asked.

She had no answer to that.

"I will consider Cullen in this," His answer was final.

Lara stood there in disbelief. How quickly he had pulled that from under her. He truly was Orlesian after all. One of her. Even if his words rang true.

"How are you and Josephine?" She asked after moments of silence.

"Still in love if that's what you're after. We meet in secret. I have you to thank for that," Blackwall bowed his head in acknowledgement.

"Cullen will say yes, you know," She said, turning on her heel to leave.

"Then you should have nothing to worry about," He called after her.

That pain roared within her. How much she wanted to lash at him. To make a smart remark on how much of an asshole Rainier was and how she preferred him as Blackwall. But she didn't. Her nails dug indents into her palms as she pressed hard, fighting against that urge. It would only isolate them, only feed what the darkness wanted. Images of her and Cullen's future came to mind and she held onto them. That's what she needed to fight for.

—-

Lara had no idea that Cassandra and Dorian started a book club between them with the occasional few people of Skyhold joining in. Most of the books were smutty literature but there were romance books without the smut and even fantasy books. She clutched the romance book close to her as she made her way to Dorian's section of the library. That book had helped her more than she thought it would. Distracted her from the silence, from her mind, from her thoughts. Reading would have to be a regular part of her routine. The added bonus of new ideas to try out with her Commander also intrigued her. Cassandra sat across from Dorian, the two in a heated discussion about the latest book they read.

"Lara. I hope your trip served its purpose," Cassandra greeted her.

"It did," Lara nodded. At some point, she would need to forgive Cassandra too.

"Well, don't leave us waiting. How'd you like the book?" Dorian smirked.

Lara bit the inside of her lip, shuffling her feet. Getting lost in the story, in their romance was unlike anything she experienced. Books had always been about history, facts, research, and education in her upbringing. The fact that books could provide new worlds, new characters, stories, romances…well, she was hooked already.

"I think I need another recommendation," Lara looked at Cassandra.

Dorian grinned from ear to ear and Cassandra nearly exploded from her seat with excitement.

"Oh, there's so much you have to read! I know what you should read next. Wait here a moment," Cassandra exclaimed as she took the book Lara handed her back.

Lara watched her leave. Maybe they didn't need a formal apology or declaration. Maybe bonding over books would be enough to heal that hurt. Dorian, however, couldn't stop grinning.

"Please tell me you tried something new," Dorian took her out of her thoughts.

With a sigh, she made her way to the one seater Cassandra had sat in. She fumbled a bit, suddenly nervous. Admitting this meant that she was getting better, that she was letting that darkness go. A twisted part of her wish to cling to that darkness. To let it protect her, consume her. But that would mean losing everyone she loved. Losing that future with Cullen.

"He tied me up," She replied, blushing.

"Ah, that scene. A dashing and dirty Commander indeed," Dorian grinned even wider.

"Before we get into the details, what's on your mind?" He carried on.

"Is it bad that there's this part of me that doesn't want to let the darkness go? I'm torn in a place between wanting to fight to heal but also wanting to let the darkness win," She admitted.

"I am in the same place as you, my dear," He reached out, placing a hand over hers.

"I still want to lash out at everyone. I nearly told Rainier that he's an asshole and I preferred him as Blackwall. How much I wanted to…how easily that came," Lara shook her head, wincing.

"That will do you no good, but I understand. The pain, the anger you carry, it will subside as you heal," Dorian reassured her.

"How have you been healing?" Lara asked.

"Mostly the Bull, of course. I owe him so much. And then there's Solas," Dorian replied.

Lara's head shot up at that. She was not expecting that answer from him. Had he been speaking with Solas while she was gone? Guilt suddenly filled her at the fact that she hadn't been there for him.

"In a moment of weakness, I confided in him. Well, more like I broke down in front of him. To my surprise, he didn't judge me for a single second. No smugness, no looking pleased with himself. I could've sworn he would have used it against me. Perhaps I've misjudged him," Dorian sighed.

"What did he do?" Lara asked, holding her breath.

"After I lashed out at him myself? Nothing. It infuriated me. Yet, he took me to the Fade to address my nightmares. All those times I teased him about prancing around in the Fade and he just took me there. Maker, it was unlike anything I've experienced. He saw…too much…but he said nothing. No judgment. Only gazed at me with a sort of sorrow that I can't explain. Nor did I dare to ask," Dorian answered.

An eerie feeling washed over her. Those thoughts she had about what Solas hid, things that Solas possibly knew came back to mind. She still didn't know how to sift through those or where to even start but Dorian had a glimpse of it as well.

"I'm so sorry Dorian. I wasn't there for you. I failed you as your best friend," Lara admitted, tears welling in her eyes.

"Don't you dare. And wipe those away. I detest displays of emotions," Dorian scoffed.

"Dorian…"

"You were in no state to even care for yourself. I am not selfish enough to expect you to care for me while you weren't even…alive. You have never failed me and I will never hear you say that again," Dorian's voice was stern but his eyes shone as well.

Tears fell from her eyes at his words. She quickly wiped them away. Dorian quickly wiped his own away, readjusting himself in his chair.

"I love you," She replied once she steadied herself.

"I love you too, my dear," Dorian gave her a warm smile.

"Now, you never told me if the Commander claimed his prize," Dorian changed the subject.

Lara shook her head. Displays of emotions made him uncomfortable even if he did have a weak spot for her. Unfortunately, it was a product of his upbringing and how much of himself he had repressed over the years. Thankfully, Bull was helping him come out of his shell.

"The War Table," She bit her lip.

"I beg your pardon?" Dorian arched an eyebrow.

"Before we left for the Deep Roads, he took me on the War Table," She replied in a hushed voice.

"Oh my," Dorian's eyes widened. "I should've put dirty Commander instead of dashing on that banner."

"Please don't. That was for your ears only," Lara covered her face with her hands.

Thankfully, Leliana saved her from any further prodding from Dorian.

"Inquisitor. A letter, for you," Leliana spoke gently.

Leliana had been softer than usual around her. As if she feared any force or sharp tone would cause her to shatter. Secretly, Lara appreciated her kindness. It was a soothing balm she didn't know she needed.

"Thank you," She offered her a small smile as she took the letter.

WIth that, Leliana took her departure. Lara slowly opened the letter, bracing herself for who the sender was. If it was anyone offensive, Leliana wouldn't have given it to her. Not in her current state. She was greeted with Mia's signature and that immediately brought a smile to her face.

Dearest Lara,

Your spymaster has filled me in with all the details. I'm sure you've put my brother in his place already, but leave him to me. I will deal with him myself. As romantic as it was for him to take you away, that won't save him from me.

How are you? Truly? You must be entirely shaken up. I wish I could be there myself but unfortunately, I'm the only one who knows how to keep this household running. Please let me know how you are faring. Even if you have to send one of those fancy birds over for security reasons.

I do hope you come visit us soon. We are all dying to meet you. Once this madness is all over, promise you'll come home with Cullen? Even if only for a little.

Will wait for your letter. At least I know you will respond.

All my love,
Mia.

"I like her already," Dorian smirked as he read the letter over her shoulder.

"Nosy," Lara remarked.

Before Dorian could respond, Cassandra approached them nearly out of breath with the recommendation she promised; another romance book. Dorian had a wicked grin on his face once he caught sight of the title which meant she was in for so much more than what that first book offered.

—-

Lara mindlessly made her way to Solas's rotunda, trying her best to ignore any eye contact with the nobles who occupied the Great Hall. Thankfully, none of them had been privy to last night's horror. The nightmare demon was here, watching her, feeding off of her. Her Anchor was a link between them and through her, it had destroyed Skyhold.

The roof had been removed, only to be filled with eternal darkness. The same darkness as those depths that haunted her. The nightmare demon lurked above, watching her. Caging her in. Darkspawn flooded their way through the open ceiling, infesting the Great Hall. Where she was once Inquisitor. Where she once danced here. Where she held judgement here. Now it was her judgement. Her fate. Screeches rang in her ears, consuming her, sounding out any other noise. The blight curled into every crevice of the Hall, following the darkspawns trail. It couldn't be contained, not at the rate it infected this place. Taint held her firm in place as it spread up her legs, her body, her arms…till she could taste it. Till it poured out of her.

Ah, the youngest Trevelyan. The unwanted child. How does it feel knowing you'll always be a mistake? An interference? Not even your own parents wanted you.

She screamed and screamed till her throat burned. Refusing to let those words take hold of her. But no one came to save her. No one cared. They abandoned her. Everyone did. The nightmare demon only spoke the truth. Now she was to become…

Vomit erupted out of her. More screams…until the cool of the stone floor kissed her skin and the voice of a man that made her heart flutter sounded from afar. But that nightmare demon hung above her, closing in. Taunting her. Reaching for her. Till she awoke in a cold sweat and the stench of vomit replaced the stench of darkspawn. Slowly, her surroundings started to piece together and both Cullen and Solas loomed over her, concern etched on their faces mixed with relief that she had finally awoken. Her brain couldn't even comprehend the fact that she had been sleepwalking. As if that nightmare demon had lured her out.

Solas immediately knew the nightmare demon was tracking her. In this very room they stood in. He had been in the Fade no doubt, most likely discovering what horrors she faced in her nightmares. Even if her condition was weak, the situation was dire. Cullen did not argue. She was to battle this nightmare demon. Fight it.

Exhaustion was slowly becoming her friend. A necessity in order to survive, to make it through each day. From training at the College to doing basic training with Blackwall, she was crawling to her bed by the end of each night. Cullen would either come to bed late at night when she was already passed out or would be there waiting with a hot bath and massage her limbs. The exhaustion wasn't enough to stop her nightmares but it was enough to fight each day. Now, she had the Fade as her new battleground. That nightmare demon had been fed a banquet and was getting too close to her. Still, that didn't stop her from making her way to the elf's rotunda to try and defeat it no matter how much it terrified her.

"You didn't do it to be right. You did it to save them," Cole's voice echoed.

His voice made her footsteps halt but not in time to go unnoticed. She caught both Cole and Solas's attention.

"Solas, what is he talking about? Save who?" Lara asked, hoping to get some insight.

"A mistake. One of many made by a much younger elf who was certain he knew everything," Solas replied.

"You weren't wrong, though," Cole answered, his head lowering.

"I will never know that for certain, Cole, but thank you for saying it," Solas sighed.

Cole had simply disappeared. Lara turned this way and that trying to search for him, hoping for more clues, more insights. Disappointment resounded as she was met with nothing.

"Was that elf you?" Lara continued.

"Yes," Solas replied coldly.

"Did you save them?" Lara held her breath.

"Not without a cost," Solas answered quickly.

His brief, clipped answers were still insights. Something she never had before. His younger self had made many mistakes. If she were to ask anything too specific, he would immediately shut it down. Vague answers it would have to be.

"If Cole says you weren't wrong, then perhaps you did the right thing," Lara tried to encourage him.

"It is not that simple," Solas shook his head.

"Nothing ever is," Lara sighed.

A warm smile crossed Solas's face. An acknowledgement, an agreement. Lara knew the conversation would end there but she would store this insight away. Come back to it, study it, assess it when she had the time.

"Your ability to seek the good in everyone is admirable," Solas commented.

"Are you saying there isn't any good in you?" Lara arched an eyebrow.

"I am not sure anymore," Solas's brows furrowed at that admission.

The possibilities of what this mistake could be never came. Not even a hint. It was one of many he had said. How many mistakes could he have possibly made in his time? Is that why he resorted to the Fade so much? Sadness filled her at his words, his admission. Solas had his guard up and fortified around everyone but had let it slip a few times around her. He was slipping now, but being so careful, dancing around any truths.

"I admire you. I look up to you. If anything, you saved me," Lara admitted as she raised the Anchor into view.

Solas nearly paled at her words but quickly adjusted his expression. He walked up to her, taking her arm in his, examining the mark she bore. The one he had so much insight to that she didn't know about. Only knew what he told her, what he gave her.

"I'm not sure that is wise of you but…thank you, lethallan," He replied after a moment.

"If I manage to even somewhat face this demon, can I know more about what you've seen in the Fade? Adventures or stories, anything," Lara asked, hoping for a bargain.

"Of course," Solas gave her a rare smile.

She could only pray that the Fade would give her any insights that would be beneficial, but not about her. About the elf that held such mysteries.

—-

The sight of Cullen at her desk filled her with relief. It comforted her knowing he would be by her side tonight. Reports and paperwork littered across her desk, his brows furrowed in concentration. His armor was discarded and the thought that he felt safe here made her heart swell. His composure was relaxed despite the amount of work he had to get through. She made her way over to him, ready to get lost in his arms and forget about the past events. Forget about how facing her fears in the Fade nearly destroyed her.

"I thought you had orders to rest," Lara spoke, breaking the silence.

Honey orbs soon met hers as his head shot up at her voice. A smile crept on his lips as he took her in, leaning back in the chair. That sight alone caused a wave of heat to rush through her body. How beautiful he was.

"Now that you're here, I have an excuse to rest," Cullen chuckled.

"The paperwork can wait," Lara sighed as she rested her palms on the desk.

"I'm afraid it can't but I think I can make an exception for the Inquisitor," Cullen replied.

Before she could respond, a familiar handwriting among the parchments caught her attention. Swiftly, she grabbed the letter before Cullen could stop her. Mia had written to him. Threatened him. She fought back a smile.

My dearest brother,

You may have survived everyone else's wrath but you won't survive mine! Just wait till you get home.

Your loving sister,

Mia

A laugh escaped her at his sister's words. Cullen hadn't mentioned that Mia had written but then again, neither did she. She had already sent her response to Mia and an unfamiliar feeling took hold. She wasn't sure what that emotion was but she found herself looking forward to meeting Mia.

"Mia told me she was angry with you," Lara pointed out, placing the letter in front of him.

Cullen sighed, running a hand through his hair. A small hint of a smile still played on his lips at the letter. At the thought of Mia scolding him.

"She has every right to be. Whatever she has waiting for me, it's fully deserved," Cullen replied.

"Cullen, you know people have forgiven you, right? Including me. In time, I forgave you," Lara hoped those words would soothe him.

"I haven't forgiven myself," Cullen shook his head.

"What were you even trying to accomplish by doing that?" Lara sighed.

There was something he was hiding. Something he wanted to accomplish that he kept to himself. Trying to prove he could overcome his withdrawals was only the surface of it.

"I wanted to prove to you and to my men that I could overcome my withdrawals. I needed to prove that I could do it," Cullen replied.

"And then what?" Lara pressed on.

A moment of tense silence. A moment of him weighing up if he should admit it to her. If he should let it go.

"Because if I could succeed…even with being exposed to lyrium, raw lyrium, it meant I could fight by your side down there," Cullen now looked at her with sorrow in his eyes.

His words had completely taken her off guard, she could've sworn the world tilted around her. Her feet shifted to catch her balance again. He had wanted to fight by her side, to be there for her. Damn him for not telling her this. For not confiding in her. For thinking he had to do it alone and push himself to a limit that his body was not prepared for.

"You did that just to be by my side?" She whispered the words, trying to make sense of them.

"What good of a Commander am I if I cannot fight by my Inquisitor's side? What good of a man am I if I cannot fight by my woman's side?" His voice trembled as he spoke.

Words were not her strong suit. Nothing she could say would make that ache he had disappear. Instead, she moved around the desk, closing the space between them. He stiffened as she straddled him without warning, but soon, he sank into her embrace. Her fingers wove through his curls, gently playing with the strands. His face lifted up to hers, watching her, taking her in. One hand slid down his face, tracing the outline of his scar from his upper lip and down again, then tracing the outline of his lips. How those lips and scar haunted her dreams. How it made her ache for him, ache to trace them, ache to touch them. How she ached for him and how much it terrified her to surrender to that need.

"When I first saw you, it terrified me. I had never reacted to a man like that before. Then you spoke to me. Not just me but it was like you whispered to my heart. I may not have realized it then, but I did after," Lara spoke gently, letting him in.

"Realized what?" His eyes softened, losing any guards he had left.

Her guard had crumbled along with his. It was scary how easy it was, how vulnerable it left her. But she followed anyway. A rare moment where she would let him in, trust him to not break her heart that overwhelmingly belonged to him the moment he had walked in her life.

"That I could never love another man again," She finally replied.

A smile graced his face at her words and the sight of it caused her heart to flutter immediately. His gaze was filled with pure love, adoration, and affection. Silence wrapped around them yet that very silence was full of all the unspoken emotions and words they couldn't form but shown through their body language, their expressions, their embrace. A slow, steadying moment where he assessed her so gently she could've sworn her body was melting into his.

"I had given up on love. I thought it would never want me after what happened to me. And then, in all this madness, with the sky being torn open and the Temple of Sacred Ashes destroyed…you appeared. At first, I stormed into that dungeon in a fit of rage thinking you were responsible," Cullen shook his head, as if reliving that very moment.

She allowed him every bit of silence he needed. Waited for him to open up, to let her in. It still didn't feel real that this man could desire her, love her, but she would work on accepting it in time. When it didn't feel so difficult or scary anymore.

"There you knelt, unconscious and defeated, and seeing you turned my entire world upside down. A mage of all people…as if my past was haunting me," Cullen shut his eyes.

"But your magic was different. I could've sworn it sang to me and Maker, I was terrified. I knew at that moment you belonged to me. The Maker sent you to me and I would stop at nothing to protect you should your fate have been…different. It didn't matter to me that I would have harbored a prisoner," Cullen's eyes were filled with emotions. Filled with raw, honest truth.

"You would've…?"

"Risked it? Yes," His voice was so certain, so sure.

"And when you saw me at the Temple?" Lara asked.

They hadn't talked much about the first time they laid eyes on each other. Their first meeting amongst all the madness. Immediately, she had disliked him as if she could sense he was a templar, an enemy, but there was something else she couldn't look away from. Kept staring after him even as he departed. It had even fascinated her enough to see what else she could discover about him, even if she fought to maintain distance between them. The truth hadn't hit her then but it did not long after and there was no escaping it.

"How beautiful you were even through all that sass and anger you wielded at me. I was captivated and everything locked into place. I only held onto the hope that you avoided me because you too felt the same. That you were just as terrified as I was," Cullen admitted.

"I was terrified. I had to keep you away. Every time I got close, you would take a wall down with you and I couldn't stop it. I fought so hard to make it stop," Lara pressed her forehead against his.

A soft chuckle echoed in her ears, butterflies erupting in her stomach at the sound. She was weak when it came to him. It had been so easy around everyone else, but with him, her heart had betrayed her. Let him break down those walls brick by brick till there was nothing else separating them. He had a piece of her that he would always carry with him. That no other man would ever hold claim to. No matter what would happen, she would never regret giving it to him even if he did break her heart.

"And thankfully, for my sake, you failed," He pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

She couldn't help the smile that spread across her face. For once, she was actually glad to have failed at something. Failing had brought her something she didn't think she ever could have won; love.