Elladan stirred, pushing against the darkness that floated heavily about him. He had the feeling that he was mired in a stagnant bog. There was no light and round about him a discordant symphony played. It was composed of tortured sighs, warrior cries, and the overwhelming sense that blood was every where. Blood!

He started awake and then fought wildly against the blackness. It faded slightly, dancing along the edges of his sight, but its place was taken by blood. Blood everywhere. He could not even make out where he was because of its drowning weight.

At last, by dint of great pain, he was able to distinguish his hands from the incarnadine torture hall. They appeared before his eyes, bloody and mangled, gripping a great sword. The vital ichor of thousands ran down it and pooled in a gaping hollow at his feet.

He cried aloud, his soul shattering at the knowledge that burst upon him. He knew what had happened. He conceived again the terrible madness that had tortured his soul and led him to this slaughter. His heart pulsed and he felt as though he had to look to it- make sure that he still had a heart. And even as he did so, he felt a shock of unblemished terror.

His heart had turned black. He could see through the protective barrier of his rib cage, and besides the deathlike marble of the bone, he was shocked to see that all that remained of his heart was a little pocket of ash. Ash and blood. That was all he could see.

" Elladan!" A terrible voice called out to him. The cacophony of the wretched symphony that had played all the while grew less and more defiant simultaneously.

Elladan raised his eyes, certain that they too were of ash and blood. Before him, blackness shrouding a figure of terrible brightness, a giant stood. Elladan knew that he should give homage to this frightful creature. But he did not dare step into the blood that he had caused.

" Elrondiôn, your kin prays for you." The figure spoke again; and extended a hand. It raised itself in a maestro's motion and immediately the abhorrent measures that had spoke only of death and cursing were stilled. " Step through the blood, yonya(my son), for that is the only way that you can conquer the discordance that would rule over you."

Elladan desperately clung to the hope that he held out. He knew that there was no other prospect for him unless he did fight his way forward to the person. But if he did, what would there be left to him? The blood would never go away; it would always be stained upon his heart. And the song, while it would be quiet, he could never enter into the symphony that made up the lives of the Firstborn.

" I cannot, aran ninya( my lord). I would not be cleansed. And the noise would only stop. There would be no melody to replace it," Elladan told him, his features distorted as once again the cacophony raised itself again. This time it tore into his head, its miserable features stabbing at him as madness sought to overwhelm him.

" Elladan, I am the composer. I am the Allfather. Come to me and you will be cleansed. You will be given a new song." And then he added very deliberately, " But you have to pass through the blood."

Elladan gasped out, his hands over his ears, even as his soul sought that other song that he desperately wanted. It had started to play, if only as a hope, in his fëa when the figure had appeared. He was powerless; he could not do it by himself. If only, he thought, if only he could just fall into the blood. Then Iluvatar would pull him out. It was all that he could do. All that he had left in his heart to give.

And then Elladan felt himself gasping as blood flowed up his nose, staining his vision even more, and was assured that he was drowning.

Drowning until he came up into the air. Air that sung with a new song. A song that had his name imprinted on every measure of it. A new song with no hate or vengeance in it. A song directed by the greatest Maestro of all.

And for the first time since he had begged that his mother would come back to him, he felt that he himself had returned; the homely melody had made him anew.

" Elladan!" His father's voice broke through the harmony. " Elladan, you must awake. You're in the fountains. You're trying to drown yourself!"

Elladan pushed the lily pads from before his eyes and gasped as he spit out the fresh dirt water of the Elven fountains. " Atar?"

" Yonya(my son), I am here." Elrond pulled him into his arms; tears streamed from his eyes and his face showed that terrors had assaulted him. " You are loved. No matter what you have done. No matter what hate fills you, you are loved. No matter the loneliness and emptiness that you feel, you are loved."

Elladan lifted clear, gray eyes to his father and then sighed. " I think I know that. For the first time, in a very long time, I know that I'm loved."

Elrohir's shout of relief sounded from somewhere above the fountains. Elladan heard the rustling of branches and the tripping of his brother's feet as he steadily drew nearer. " Atar, is that Elrohir."

" Yes. Ever since you went missing, he's been scouting for you. We found tracks of you all the way to the Anduín. You have been out of your head for days, yonyo."

Elladan shrugged at him. He leaned down into the fountain and splashed the chill, turbid waters over his face. He sought to regain some sense of reality. But his fëa was screaming at him, rejoicing at the knowledge that he done something. He didn't truly comprehend the reasons why he was rejoicing, why he longed to dance through very corridors of Imladris. But he knew that his life would never be the same; that he would always judge his life by that wondrous moment when he had walked through the blood and Iluvatar had pulled him out.

Elrohir landed beside his brother and then pulled him into a soppy hug. " Oh, hanno, what have you done to yourself? I thought that even that slight bloodletting had driven you insane. Ai, Elladan, never do that to me again! You are my brother. We are half of one fëa. Elladan!" And then he fell upon his brother's neck, sobbing.

Elladan felt his balance quivering and rested against his father. He cradled his brother's head against his shoulder and allowed the grief that had ever separated them to finally pour out. They mourned their mother that day. For the first time in over a two lifetimes of men, they mourned their mother. They accepted that she would not come back. That their father would go to her. And they, with the fate of men, would stay in this land and claim with Thranduil and all his kin, the Promise of Tulkas. And it was a good thing. They could be at peace with it, no matter what.

Elladan stirred from the bed on which he had been sleeping as he regained his strength. He turned towards the windows and then gazed at his father who was still reclining in the chair that he had sat in for two days of time.

" Atar, I see that you still remain with me." Elladan said stiffly. " Where's Elrohir?"

" Asleep. He could last no longer. He says that you do not sleep but once a quarter. Even for an Elf, such practices are dangerous, weakening the hroä(body)." Elrond told him, coming near to push back the feathery, raven hairs from his brow.

Elladan gave him a wry grin and then laughed. " I was a fool then. I think that I'm a fool now. Atar, tell me: do you believe that I was mad? What did I see? Where was I? What was I doing, in the body, while I was there?"

Elrond's face lengthened and then he turned to his beloved son. " Elladan, I believe that your soul separated from your body and entered the realm of all souls. Where they are brought to life and conceived of. Where their immortal characteristics are endowed in them."

Elladan gave him a look of disbelief. " You believe that I entered the Outer Realm? The realm of Eru? Can that even be possible? How could it be so?" Elladan's mind could not even comprehend such a thing. Yet, as he recalled that wondrous, awesome moment when he had seen Eru, he wondered how he could even doubt it.

" Elladan," Elrond continued, stroking his hand. " Every elf in their lifetime meets and either accepts or refuses Eru. They sometimes meet them through an outpouring of their own dear art. Some others meet him in physical form when he comes to them either at times of greatest joy or sorrow. And even others meet him through the passage of souls and the temple of their fëas. What you experienced was not unheard of, however, uncommon. Your soul was such that the only way it could be brought to terms of the existence of the Allfather was for it come to the highest regions."

Elladan gasped and then faced his father. " Atar, tell me that you are not deceiving me. Tell me that you do not mock me."

" Elladan, have I ever done such a thing?"

" No, but it seems too fabulous for it to be true." Elladan admitted ruefully. And then he stroked his jaw, remembering another thing he wanted to ask. " Why is there evil in the world? Why does Eru tolerate it when he has allowed his Valar to give a promise that some elves will be allowed to stay? That they will not fade at all."

Elrond turned to his son, his face deadly serious. " Elladan, what drew you on to commit that terrible crime? To believe that your deeds were so great that they could change the outcome of a fëa's path?"

Elladan blushed. " Pride and grief."

" Mostly pride, yonya. Such is it that brings death and sorrow upon this earth. Melkor rebelled and sought to put forward his own symphony in place of Eru's because of pride. And thus, he destroyed in the beginning what was supposed to be perfect. As long as the song exists there will be that fatal flaw in it. Pride will continue to abound, evil will multiply, and destruction will continue to come. Pride is also the reason that so many are humbled. Even many Elves have to face this humiliation. Because their pride in themselves is so great. Eru has to punish the prideful or else he will destroy his entire world, and we will none of us have a chance to meet him."

Elladan stood as dumbfounded and then gazed at his father. Understanding and humility dawned in his features and he pushed himself up a little farther. A strength was imbued to his frame that had never been there before. " Atar, I think that I understand. That is why he has promised a Second Singing. When the Song will not be torn by that discordant pride of Melkor's founding."

" Aye, yonya." Elrond nodded and then slowly rose from his son's side. " Do you deny his power now? Do you understand why sometimes we have to lose our mothers, our fathers? Our homelands?"

Elladan gave him a bold nod and exhaled a trembly breath. " I think so. Yes."

Elrond smiled at him, embracing him quickly. " I hope that this knowledge will sustain you through all other sorrows and suffering you will have to endure."

Elladan tightened his grip on his father. " Well, with you and Eru-no, Eru and you, and Elrohir and Lírëya by my side, I can endure anything. By the way, does Lírëya know what has happened?"

Elrond looked down in his son's hopeful gray eyes. " All of Imladris knows what has happened, yonya."

Elladan gave him a pleased smile and then gradually the need for rest descended over him again. He fell back on his pillow and slowly drifted off to sleep.

Elladan's sword swung in a graceless arc and then came to a tumbling stop inches from Lindir's chest. Elladan, who stood behind the weapon, became dumb with shame and could say nothing.

Lindir, however, was not afflicted by it. " I see that Glamdagnir is practicing again?"

Elladan said nothing and so Lindir continued.

" I wished to tell you that I did not mean to insult your betrothed. It is not in our custom to wed cousins and besides, Lírëya and I share only one truly, abiding love: that of the music my father trained us both in. Á apsene ni(Forgive me)." Lindir told him. He then bowed and extended his hand out in fellowship.

Elladan stared dumbly down at the hand and then eagerly seized it. " Mellon ninya(my friend), what wrong have you done to me? None. It was my sword and my great pride and madness of spirit which ever brought any discord between us. It is I who must seek your forgiveness."

Lindir bowed before clasping Elladan to his heart. " Apsenë nalyë(You are forgiven)." As he released Elladan, his face suddenly clouded and he focused upon the Elvish lord. " They tell me that you are to recover your strength ere this is told you. They hope that your grief will not destroy you when you have just returned to their tender hearts. But I love you too much, aran ninya( my lord), to so doubt you. And I love my cousin. Both of you deserve this."

Elladan glanced at him in fright. " What mean you by this discourse? You speak as though you do not understand yourself."

" I understand only too much, Elladan." Lindir then pulled his hand out from his inner tunic and reached for his hand. Opening it, he laid a plain silver ring in the midst of it. He then raised his eyes to his lord's and spoke sadly, " On behalf of my cousin, 'Ai, vestale sina lá ambartongwe( Alas, this marriage is not our fate).' She is returning to Valinor. Unable to bear your madness and the grief which you brought her, she left two days before we found you."

Elladan sank to his feet and then turned to his kinsman. " Tell me that this is not true. That Lírëya has not left me."

Lindir bowed in assent. " She longed to tell you, Elladan, that Maedhros had been released from the Halls. It is what we were speaking of when you attacked me. She was going to return the ring even then." Suddenly Lindir became angry and knelt so that he was level with the Elven Lord. " You speak of her leaving you? What was it that you did when you left this house to go hunt Orc with the sons of Isildur? Every story and tale that she heard of you told only of your wrath, and the increased anger and madness of your revenge. And when you did return, you were no longer her Elladan Elrondiôn. Elladan, she still loved you. Even when you struck her. She was going to go to you ere you went crazy. Beg you to listen to her, but in your madness, you brushed past her, forsook her voice and ran out. She knew then that while her love would ever endure, she could not marry you. Not now. Not with the desperate curse of her father so close to you. She thought that you were going to take your own life."

Elladan glanced up at Lindir. He perceived his anger; understood the righteousness of his rebuke. And in it all, he became aware that it was indeed his own fault that Lírëya had returned her engagement ring. It was as his father had said. His pride had stolen his soul from him. For the time, he had known nothing save his own anger. His own revenge had been the undoing of all he had desperately sought to maintain.

Lindir looked closely into his face. For one moment, he thought the madness was coming again; that the wrath he had stirred up once might strike him again. " Elladan?" He laid a timid hand upon his shoulder.

Elladan looked at the hand. It was the same that had handed him his future destroyed. But then glancing into the caring blue eyes that reminded him so much of his fiery-locked fëamate, he knew then that he was not going to go mad again. He heard the song of Eru stir up inside him and the Allfather's voice again, " You are mine. I write your song. I write hers. You are apart of each others."

He smiled at Lindir, " I'm not going to go insane again. I promise that your life is save."

Lindir shrugged. " Though I feared for my life, I knew that should you descend again, you would not rise."

" I told my father that with Eru and him, Elrohir and Lírëya I would be able to endure any sorrow. I still have all my family; those distant from me are singing in my song by the power of Iluvatar. I lack nothing. I am content with his homely melody. Humbled," he gave a wry look at the unadorned ring in his hand, " but ever content with the Allfather's decree."

That is the end of the Return to Me saga. I didn't know when I started that first story how huge it was going to be originally. But I'm glad that I finished it and that you all have stuck through it for so long. I also promise that Elladan and Lírëya will be united. In the Tolkien Tales, just not right now.

I do have a little tidbit for you. The Promise of Tulkas that I mentioned about halfway through the story is something very important. It is a premise for another story which is going to be coming out next. Now I am going to force it to be a one parter. And if it's not, well I'm going to have a very stern talk with my imagination.

I hope that you enjoyed this latest Tolkien Tales and that you will continue reading. Please tell me what you think, what you think I could do be better, and above all, comment or vote! Oh and be sure to check out my other story: The Magnificent, a Father.

Living for Christ,

Jetta Lee