Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.
Enforcer of Veritable Infernal Laws
"Fall For You" Meme
"Satan! Welcome home, your majesty. Good meeting today?" Yogirt asked as he met the Sin of Wrath mid-flight in return from the quarterly Sin Meeting hosted in Pride. The Dragon grunted as he flapped his massive wings once to keep the warm air beneath him and stay aloft.
"Remind me to shower before the next meeting," Satan said with a growl as they neared the lone mountain range within the Ring, their destination being the tallest peak. "Ozzie's complaints about Love are tiring, Mammon kept asking for a raise, Leviathan was almost as useless as the Fallen Angel–"
"A bit too regicidal, Satan." Yogirt chided. Satan snorted.
"Whatever." He closed his four eyes and rubbed his face. "Worst of all, Bee just dumped her latest 'toy' and kept pestering me to throw another house party. She kept getting in my face about it."
"Hm, I don't know Queen Bee-Lzebub as well as you do, so I won't comment on her idiosyncrasies," the Sin of Wrath's advisor and anger management therapist said with a shrug. "What of Queen Belphegor?"
"Oddly, the only one with her shit together. If I didn't know her better, I'd say she was using her Sin as a cover for how productive she is." Satan huffed. He smirked at his advisor. "I owe you a drink, Yogirt. Your idea to threaten to lock her in a room with either Bee and an entire bottle of uppers worked very well."
"Just happy to help, sir. Speaking of 'happy to help', your puppy was so sad while you were gone." Yogirt smirked at the Dragon, who grunted and dropped his smirk.
"Tough shit. I have to work to make sure Hell stays as balanced as it is, and if the others slack off even a little, we're all fucked." Satan growled with a twitch in his eye. He rubbed his face again. "Besides, I'm pretty sure Bee could smell the brat on me. If Mammon hadn't snuck in more of his snacks...again..."
"Well, that's a concern to bear in mind in three months. For now, you should get home and appease your support puppy's desire to help before he does something drastic."
"As long as he doesn't try cooking again." Satan growled and flicked his hand in front of him to clear the dark orange clouds from his view of his home.
Satan's home was a manor painstakingly carved out by the Sin of Wrath's own power. Oh, he could have easily willed a fine castle into existence, as most of the other Sins did with their preferred domiciles, but Satan preferred to do things by the book, by hand. He liked to create things as much as he liked to destroy them. It started as a simple bramble-covered cave on the side of the tallest mountain in the barren Ring of Wrath, being a Sin with little care or want for anything, the Big Red Dragon had been content with that.
Then the other Sins started to show off their own homes. Lucifer's was a fucking castle, done up to the Nine Circles. Ozzie decided to at first live in a cabaret, having Succubus and Incubus do racy shows. Not to be outdone, Bee opened her 'Hive' as a discotheque to keep the party life alive. Leviathan, unable to settle, set up their 'shop' in a literal whirlpool. Belphegor usually slept in her office, so she didn't even bother to make a home, which left the Sin of Greed. Ever the last to show off, if only because he was never original, Mammon had a giant rip off castle that had elements of the other six sins' homes – he even ripped off of Belphegor's office layout, he was that unoriginal.
Satan took an entire millennia to build his manor, half of that was just to divert the magma flow into a tasteful lava-fall that illuminated his home. When he finished and finally agreed to show it off, praise came from Bee and Ozzie – easily satisfied, those two – while Belphegor gave half hearted praise. Leviathan and Mammon had to get teeth pulled before they gave their opinions and Lucifer... He decided to start bragging about his married life.
Satan was no fool. He could read the subtext and, at the time, found it amusing his leader was so easily rattled. Yes, the King of Hell was miffed that Satan got recognition from their compatriots for his efforts while he did not see the efforts worthwhile. So, the Sin of Wrath let that disrespect slide, thinking it an acceptable reaction from the Sin of Pride.
He'd never have done so if he knew it would lead to basically putting Hell in his hand. ...Actually, he might have done so sooner. Hard to say. Hindsight wasn't Satan's thing.
Anyway, Satan was a Dragon. He's the Sin of Wrath, sure, but Wrath was a proud, passionate Sin. He was proud and passionate of his home, his hand-crafted home that he made himself. By hand.
Hence...the following reaction to seeing a giant, green mushroom cloud of smoke blow out his lava-fall windows.
"...I'm going to fucking kill him!" Satan roared as he dove towards the window. Yogirt yelped above him.
"Satan! Deep breaths!" He called after the descending Sin. "Don't extend the damage in your anger, you'll just get even more upset!"
"Too fucking late! I'm already fucking pissed!" Satan snarled as he landed on his floor and banished the residual smoke with a mighty flap of his wings. His favorite workout room...trashed! Residual gunpowder and scorch marks lined the ceiling, floor and walls. His eyes glowed as he took in his escape. "That little sonovabitch – Naruto! Where the fuck are you?! Get the fuck out here! Now!"
Normally, the little runt he took in two months ago would come running. He was strangely obedient for his age, with a radiant gratitude and that damn bright smile always present whenever he was called in. He didn't make a mess often, and when he did, it was usually in an attempt to help. This time, the little whelp refused to respond, to ask for a minute. It was...most unwise, for all it did was aggravate Satan further.
"NARUTO!" He bellowed as he strode through the wreckage and sought the little mutt out. His tail lashed and smoke rose up from the sides of his mouth as an itch of 'wrongness' crept its way up the back of Satan's head. "What the fuck did you do?!"
Whine.
The soft, piercing sound caught Satan's ear and he turned to a small pile of ceiling tile, stony rubble and weights. With a snarl, the Dragon strode over and dug his claws through the mound until he managed to uncover his puppy. His battered, burnt, filth-covered puppy, who laid on his side with his eyes closed and tail curled at his legs. Another whine slipped out and Satan felt his ire rise. He took in the sight of his puppy wallowing in pain, at first, with a hint of indifference.
Hellhounds passed all the time, Hellpups less often, but still capable of being reclaimed by the pit they spawned from. They, like Imps, were sad excuses of demons, being mortal and weak. Even if their regenerative capabilities were better than even the youthful Succubi of Lust...
"I'm-a be the toughest, strongest, baddest Hellhound in all Hell, y'know!"
Feh, a boast from a puppy. The words were empty, as most words in Hell were.
"Useless Whelp...You can't live without me." Satan grumbled as he knelt down and ran his claw over the whimpering puppy's side, where a dark bruise was visible beneath the fur from where a weight fell on him. Satan's eye caught sight of the puppy's palms, the skin burnt away enough to reveal bone. That meant the puppy's paws had been on whatever caused this explosion. Satan scowled and poked his claw into Naruto's side, drawing blood and making the pup whine, before he started to slowly manipulate the demonic healing. It wasn't his forte, and the puppy's whimpers were understandable if annoying, but still: Satan had made Imps. He knew how to fix things.
"Shut the fuck up." He growled at another whine from the Hellpuppy. Finally, the whimpers died out and his breathing evened as the wound was repaired and the latent regenerative abilities were jumpstarted. Satan slid his hand beneath the small pup and lifted him, his intent on taking him from the room clear. As he carried the sleeping puppy, Satan growled and ran a claw over his tiny head, tracing the shape of his skull. "You're going to fucking live if only so I can make sure you clean up this fucking mess you made, Whelp."
"Sir, I would hold off on assigning him that punishment prematurely." Yogirt's suggestion had Satan turn to growl at him, to remind him of the status of his office, only for the small Hybrid to hold up a tablet. "I pulled up the security feed."
Depicted in the feed was Naruto, moping in the kitchen with his ears hung, kicking his feet as he sat at the table that was far too large for him. He was working on some simple reading worksheets that Satan had found – he was not going to have an illiterate Hellpup, and though not his sin, his draconic pride wouldn't stand for it – when his ears suddenly perked up and his tail started to wag. The pup abandoned his worksheets and ran off screen, and didn't return.
Yogirt switched cameras to the workout room's internal feed, showing the scene about three minutes later. Naruto walked into the room with a large box – presumably addressed to Satan – in his hands, twisting and turning it as any young demon would. His tail is still wagging, so it was to the Sin's surprise and that of the pup's when a deep sniff of the box results in the puppy going deathly still before he tossed the box at the window and scrambled to get away.
The explosion followed and the feed cut.
"Mail bomb, sir." Yogirt elaborated. Satan's eyes blazed and he felt fire in his veins. Someone had dared to try and take action against the strongest Sin. Someone had managed to harm his puppy. Some demon was about to be used as a very, very unfortunate example. The Hybrid looked him in the eye. "Naruto was just being a good Hellhound and fetching the mail."
"...Find out who delivered it. I want a name–No! I want a living body in front of me. Yesterday." Satan snarled at the Hybrid. Yogirt nodded and set out to do just that. Satan growled and fumed, smoke rising from his nostrils as he looked back down at his golden Hellpuppy. Naruto kicked his foot in his sleep and whimpered. Satan swallowed his Wrath, tempered it and held it for the one it was meant for, and strode out of the destroyed workout room to his private chambers.
"Whelp." He muttered, almost fondly, as he took a seat in his custom recliner set beside the lava-fall window, leaning back and letting his puppy curl up on his lap. Four eyes closed as the Dragon Sin of Wrath stroked the sleeping Hellpuppy and felt his infamous infernal fury settle to an angry simmering. He was going to fucking enjoy tormenting whatever foolish demon thought they could pull one over on him.
Twenty Years Later
A fuming Satan stormed into his kitchen, a new report in his hand threatened to be lit up by the fire in his belly. He dropped the file on the island counter and scrounged around in his fridge for ingredients to make a protein shake with. As he did, he grumbled about logistics and numbers to himself before he stopped what he was doing and braced himself on the counter. Four eyes closed and a deep breath was taken in, held for a count and then released with a sigh. The fire raging within dropped to a simmer and he dragged his hands down his face.
"That meeting took too damn long." Satan growled once he got back to making his shake. Belphegor, once again, had little to worry about other than staying awake during their meeting. She, Bee and Ozzie were the most reliable of the Sins to do their damn jobs. Mammon was too infatuated with being paid – which was the only fucking topic for today's meeting and took a solid threat of Satan performing limb removal on Mammon's true form to keep the fat sack of shit on task – Leviathan was too indecisive, and the less said about the Sin of Pride the better off Satan's blood pressure will be.
The Sin-Appointed Overseer of V.I.L.E. – who'd originally asked for a morning meeting that never happened due to an accident on the Inter-Ring Railway; instead the meeting happened after his call with his son – reported an unsettling rise in protests about fair treatment for Imps within Greed, Envy and Pride, but Satan's hands were thankfully tied. Unless a protest started in Wrath or a Goetia member brought a case relating it to court, he didn't care. Sadly, V.I.L.E.'s numbers were requested to be boosted by a certain 'fair-minded' Princess, who must have finally caught wind of the trial that occurred a month ago, and only saw the protests now.
"Damn that girl," Satan snarled as he blended some shelled eggs, raw Boar meat and Hellroot into his usual pre-meal shake. He leaned on the island and crossed his arms. "Couldn't be enough that you're starting a pointless crusade, could it? No, of fucking course not, she just had to butt into Sin politics. Oblivious brat, to be expected given her mother and the self-centered little bitch..."
"And who is it we are cursing now?" Yogirt asked as he flew in. He stopped the blender and grabbed a cup while Satan dug his claws into the island counter behind him. The Sin of Wrath snarled.
"Charlie."
"Oh, dear. What in the Seven Rings has the Princess done to earn her favorite uncle's ire this time?" Yogirt sighed. Understandable, Satan would feel the same way if the girl hadn't just gotten on his last fucking nerve. Why the Princess felt the need to rehabilitate Sinners was anyone's guess.
"Got an edict made, requesting me to buff the forces of V.I.L.E. in Pride! As if I'm able to do that! We have a fucking hamstring budget as it is!" Satan snarled and threw his hands up. "How the fuck am I supposed to staff that fucking Ring's V.I.L.E. department when most of its inhabitants are fucking immortal?!"
"Perhaps you could run a recruitment drive? I'm sure there's a few Satanists in Pride who would love to do your bidding," Yogirt offered with a smile as he added a few herbs to the protein shake. Satan grimaced, both at the thought of the humans that claimed to be his followers and the inevitable taste of those added herbs. They were an unfortunate necessity to help him increase his gains.
"Those people are freaks...Always smiling and being polite. Treating people with...respect. Ugh," the dragon shivered and crossed his arms. "Working with the fucking Cannibals would be preferable!"
"Well, if you don't wish to abuse their love for you, why not have another do so in your stead?"
"Elaborate." Satan growled. He didn't like it when his underlings had ideas that he couldn't catch onto. Yogirt and Naruto were the only exceptions to this, but just barely so. One was trusted for years in a role hundreds had failed to do so well in, and the other was his son.
"You did just declare a certain young Hellhound to be your Prince and he is stationed in Pride for the time being," Yogirt smiled as he turned around and offered the Sin his prepared shake. "Why not make it his problem?"
"...He would like to justify his Sinsmas plans..." Satan muttered as he took the drink and gulped it down. The reflexive gag was fought against and won as he got the herbalized concoction down. A sharp, quick burst of fire cleared the taste from both his esophagus and tongue. He groaned, swallowing those herbs was always a pain in the ass, but he needed to do so to keep himself at his peak and to grow beyond it. "..Ugh, fuck. I'll ask him tomorrow."
"Why not now?"
"I have it on good authority that he will be indisposed for the evening." Satan drawled, fighting the urge to curl his lip in annoyance. Yogirt furrowed his brow and the Sin groaned as he rubbed his face. "Don't make me fucking say it."
"I would never think I could make you do anything, Satan." His advisor snarked as he crossed his arms and smirked. "But I would really appreciate it if you elaborated on what you meant."
"Grr...He will be entertaining company tonight." Satan grumbled. Yogirt allowed a solitary eyebrow to rise up and the dragon groaned. "He's with a fucking girl, Yogirt! Fuck's sake!"
The Hybrid let out an elated gasp.
"He's on a date?! Oh, what a marvelous development! Do you know who–?"
"The same Hellhound that works for him." Satan huffed, almost snarling as his eyes narrowed. "Buckzo's Hellhound."
"Oh, yes. She was a darling thing. Queen Bee-Lzebub spoke highly of her during the Trial," Yogirt said with a smile. He frowned. "Something about that sounds...Oh, yes! Queen Bee-Lzebub wants a meeting."
"Of fucking course she does." Satan groaned into one hand. Bee had been trying to talk to him ever since she found out about Naruto. Yes, he circumvented her claim to Hellhounds by forging documents and raising the pup. Sure, maybe he robbed her of a prime 'Party Pup', but Naruto was his son. Now and forever, the Hellhound Prince of Wrath. Debate of claim aside, the Sin of Wrath rubbed his face again. "She's been hounding me for weeks."
"Yes, well, now the lady of Gluttony is starting to hound me." Yogirt crossed his arms. "I can fend her off, if you so wish, but it will cost you, sire. I request only time, take my attention off of other matters you'd need to watch over."
"...The Harvests..." Satan growled and curled his lip. Going over the annual count of the many Imp farms and their produce was something that always took a full day's worth – if not at times a week's worth – of his attention. He delegated it to his Advisor so that he needn't worry himself with it. Having to do it himself...No. Never again. Satan leaned down to get in Yogirt's face and bared his teeth as smoke wafted up from his nostrils. "Call the usual kitchens, get orders set. Bee and I will hash this issue out tonight."
"How are you going to get her to show up on short notice?" Yogirt asked. Satan stared at him flatly and pulled his phone out. He opened the contacts and dialed, putting it on speaker. It didn't even get through a full ring before it was answered.
"Satan?! H-Hey, what's up, b-bitch? Mm-ah, I was just thinkin' about you! Weird..." The somewhat breathless voice of Bee-Lzebub answered, albeit panting on her end of the line. Whatever, she clearly still had this issue on her mind if she was eager to answer before the first ring.
"Bee," Satan growled, eyes locked with Yogirt. "Dinner tonight at my place. Six sharp. Don't be late."
"Mm, sounds nice...Wait, you fuckin serious?"
"Six. Sharp." Satan reiterated.
"Fuckin–Shit, yes! Bet your tight scalie ass, I'll be there! Vortex, Babe, hurry up and deflate! I gotta shower–!"
Satan hung up before he heard too much about his fellow Sin's sex life. That would explain the breathless answering. He crossed his arms and stood up straight as he stared down challengingly at his anger management therapist.
"I notice that you didn't invite her boyfriend along." Yogirt pointed out. Satan furrowed his brow.
"Vortex? If he shows, we will feed him as well. If not, then we don't." The dragon shrugged. "Simple as that."
"...Oh, Satan." Yogirt pinched the bridge of his nose. Satan scowled. What the fuck was that supposed to mean?
Two Hellhounds were cuddled together atop a bluff, neither clad in a lick of clothing, and laying atop a rolled out mat, the only thing keeping them warm in the cool barren waste of Wrath was the fur on their backs. The smaller of the two rested her head on the broad chest of the other, claws idly tracing over the faint scars that riddled his torso and were hidden by his golden coat, while the larger kept an arm over the shoulders of the former, and his claws gently combed through the hair that fell down her back. Purgatory and Heaven were plain to see in the starry skies above them, but neither cared about either location. They were basking in the phenomenon known by most as post-orgasm bliss.
"That...was fucking amazing." Loona sighed as she rubbed her head into the Golden Hellhound's chest. Even if it wouldn't tug on the muscles that finally got used after a long ass dry spell, she was certain that she couldn't stop wagging her tail. A feeling he must have reciprocated, because his tail thumped into the rollout mat they had set up upon arriving at the top of the bluff.
"Glad you waited until after work?" Naruto asked, blue eyes looking down at the cute hound half atop him. Her red eyes looked up to his and she smirked.
"Fuck no. If I'd fuckin known it'd felt this good I'd have gone with my gut and jumped you on our second date." Loona huffed. She smiled when he let out a laugh.
"Shit, maybe you should've. Would've saved me like forty grand."
"Hey, that shit in Lust was your fault." Loona huffed.
"My fault?! You're the one that wanted to check out the sex shop." Naruto growled at her. She growled back and he rolled them so he was atop of her again. Their noses pushed against one another and teeth were bared before their lips locked and things started to get amorous again.
"You wanted to hook up in a hotel in Lust, I wanted to check out the glory holes in the back." Loona growled after their kiss broke. One of his claws slid up her side to fondle her chest and his wonderful red rocket started to grind into her entryway. Her tail wagged furiously and her legs hooked over his thighs. Her claws dug into his back and she groaned when his length slid back inside of her to the hilt. "Shiiit, I love that you're so fuckin big! Stretches me so fucking good!"
"Nah...You're just really fucking tight!" Naruto growled back as he started to roll his hips. They grunted, groaned and growled together as their double-backed tango started up again.
AN: Shorter, I know, but these chapters are going to have to be that way for a while. Also, does anyone know what to do with the pumpkinless head of the horseman? Furthermore, how long has the sky been tangerines? ...Hm, maybe the Poison Dart Frog is not for eating...could've sworn I read on Spanglish...
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