Birth Mother by Siddhartha Khosla

Hold On by Chord Overstreet

Give Me Something by Seafret

Santorini by Yanni

I Need You by Tim McGraw & Faith Hill

Stay With You by Goo Goo Dolls

Look After You by The Fray

Leave a Light On by Papa Roach

Grip by Lights

Trustfall by Pink

2020

Montana, U.S.

A Few Days Later

Rita woke up with a headache, and she pressed her fingers into her temple and massaged lightly. It was cloudy outside with the threat of imminent rain. She sighed and sat up slowly, trying to forget the nightmare she'd just had. It wasn't helping her already dark mood. The last few days hadn't been great, and she'd retreated more and more to try and deal with her emotions and thoughts. She was struggling.

She couldn't stop thinking about Travis and how she'd failed her father by not keeping him alive. All his hard work for nothing; it was so heavy on her chest. And Doris...how lonely it must be to have lost your only child and be alone in this world now. She felt responsible for this because she should have paid better attention and kept Travis from getting killed. She should have done better to keep the ability to reset and brought him back. Should, should, shoulds. She was drowning in them.

Clattering downstairs made her pause and listen, and she heard Brendan and Mei's low voices talking. She remembered that Molly had given her number for Brendan, and she got up to dig her card out of her pant pocket. It still shocked her that Molly, Jo, and Callie were here in Montana. Out of all the places they could have moved to, they picked here. She wondered what that meant exactly.

"Good morning," Brendan said upon seeing her. Rita said it back, waving at Mei after she gave a small salute. He'd gone to get his learner's permit and was now harassing everyone to let him drive.

"I forgot to give this to you, B," Rita said, holding out the card. Brendan looked at it curiously.

"What is it?"

"An old friend."

He took it, and he read the name, a small smile forming afterwards. "Huh. Molly."

"Who's Molly?" Mei asked, leaning to see.

"This cute, funny girl I used to know."

"Oooh."

Rita turned away to let them chatter about it and poured herself a tea. Rain started to fall now in heavy sheets, and she dreaded going out to work in it, but the vegetables had to be picked or they'd lose them. She was staring at her mug on the counter and wondering if she could swallow weak tea right now when the door banged open and Luke came inside, soaked.

"Bloody hell," he said, shaking a bit like a dog. "That snuck up on me."

"Hey, Dad," Brendan said brightly. Rita pictured them walking and talking the other night, and she wondered what they'd shared with one another. She hadn't wanted to pry. She figured if Brendan wanted to tell her, he would.

"Hey," Luke said back. His clothes were sopping wet and dripping everywhere. Rita eyed them, wondering where he planned on sitting in them.

"I'll be in with the dryer," he said, reading her mind, as he walked by. "I did the animals already."

"You did?" She was surprised and grateful.

"Yea."

"Thank you."

He gave a small smile and disappeared down the hall. She looked to see both Brendan and Mei watching and both yank their heads around to pretend they hadn't been. After a moment, she couldn't help herself and went to find him.

He was leaning a hip against the washing machine in nothing but a towel, and she stopped in her tracks at the sight of him. He was looking at the floor with his arms loosely crossed over his chest, but he lifted his head at the sound of her, and she saw him freeze for a second.

"Hey," he said finally.

"Um, did you...did you eat already?" she asked, trying to keep her thoughts straight.

"Yea, thanks."

She felt a flush starting on her neck. It was hard not to look at him. "You didn't have to do the animals."

"I wanted to."

She met his eyes then, and he studied her quietly. She didn't really know why she was standing there, if she was honest.

"Did my mother talk to you?" She'd forgotten to tell him about it.

"About what?"

"Helping her find Wes?"

"What do you mean?" Luke asked, moving to stand flat on his feet now. "Wes is missing?"

"You knew him?"

"Yea. He was with my father in Australia and then lived in the same apartment as me after you left. Apparently she asked him to keep an eye on me."

Interesting. Rita still felt betrayed that he was her uncle and didn't tell her. Now she felt aggravated that he'd known Luke too.

"He's my uncle," she said, and Luke scoffed, giving his head a shake.

"She told me. Unbelievable. I'm mad at both of them for knowing where you were and not telling me and for even thinking that I was a bad guy."

Rita let that sink in, and she could feel how frustrating that would be for him.

"She wants you to help find and extract him," Rita said slowly, watching his reaction. He lightly chewed on the inside of his lip, twisting it slightly.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked finally.

"I don't want you to go," she answered. "That is what the selfish part of me is saying, but at the same time, if Wes is my uncle, then I want him to be rescued. I...I did like him, even if he did keep this secret from me." That was the hard part about her mother, too. She had liked her when she'd only known her as Amelia.

"If I go, it would be my only job," Luke advised, coming closer to her now. She felt the familiar tremble start inside at this. "Because I mean it when I say I'm done with that life."

Rita didn't know what to say. She stood there looking at him, and he was looking back at her with sincerity in his eyes.

"I don't know what to even say about it anymore," she stated. "But I thought you should know she might ask you."

"Okay." He was somehow closer to her still, and her hands itched to reach out and run across his chest. This felt like old times where he used to strut around shirtless to torment her and thought she didn't know why.

"I know what you're doing," she said.

"What's that?"

"You know," she insisted. She watched his lips fight off a smirk.

"I'm just standing here," he replied.

"You know what you're doing," she repeated, feeling the flush on her neck grow deeper. He chuckled.

"You're the one who came in here," he countered, lifting a brow. This was true. She looked away, feeling conflicted inside. A moment later, his fingers were under her chin and tilting it up to make her look at him again.

"Rita," he said quietly. She waited, but he didn't say anything else; he looked just as at a loss for words as she was. However, her lips parted upon instinct since his face was right there.

"What?" she whispered, hoping to prompt speech out of him. He made a sound in his throat, but that was all. His hand moved to hold her cheek lightly, his nose now brushing hers. She closed her eyes, feeling his lips gently touch hers like a question before pulling back. She looked at him, seeing his vulnerability, and answered by kissing him back and catching the back of his head with her hand. Each kiss was mostly tentative and short, as if both of them were unsure if the other was really wanting this. Rita felt herself trembling, could hear his breath shaking, and she kissed him again, longer this time. He leaned her against the wall, cupping the left side of her waist gently and opening his mouth against hers when:

"Rita?! Luke?!" Kenny's voice called frantically. They jerked apart, and Rita rushed to find Kenny coming down the hall. Luke leaned out of the doorway to see him as well.

"What's happened?" she asked.

"It's Lucy," he answered. "I can't find her."

"I'm coming," Rita said, hurrying to cram her boots on. She heard Luke stop the dryer and knew he was getting dressed as fast as he could. She ran after Kenny through the rain, having the small, fleeting thought of what would have happened if she and Luke hadn't been interrupted.

...

Luke struggled into his still sopping wet clothes and raced after Rita and Kenny. Mei had already left for work, but Brendan was still there. He went after Luke, too, to offer assistance. They caught up with Kenny and Rita on the path to his place.

"Where was she last?" Luke asked over the rain.

"I thought she was having a bath," Kenny answered. "After an hour, I got worried and went to look; she wasn't there."

"Where would she go?" Rita inquired next. Kenny was at a loss.

"I have no idea. I really don't. My God, what if she's hurt somewhere?"

Luke remembered Rita and Kiera in that well all too clearly. He shifted on his feet. "What was she talking about recently? Maybe that will give us an idea of where she'd go."

"Uh, just about the gardens," Kenny answered. "Nothing really else."

"Split up," Luke instructed. "She can't have gone far."

"It's been an hour, Luke," Kenny reminded him. "She could be anywhere."

Luke got the chills thinking about it and because of the rain, which was a bit cool on his skin. He hoped Lucy wasn't lost in the woods somewhere.

"LUCY!" Brendan began shouting, running to the left. Kenny went to the right, calling out as well. Luke was watching Rita, and she was thinking hard.

"What is it?" he asked.

"A hunch," she answered, moving forward. Without a word, he went with her. They ran up the trail that looped around to the back of the property. When they arrived at a bit of a clearing about five minutes later, they both slowed down. Luke knew why Rita had come here. It had been one of Kiera's favorite places.

"Listen," Rita said, grabbing his arm. Sure enough, soft crying could be heard faintly over the rain. "Lucy?" She walked towards the sound with Luke on her heels. They found Lucy sitting under some leafy branches and rocking back and forth while hugging her knees.

"R-Rita?" she asked, seeing them. "Luke?"

"Lucy, are you alright?" Rita questioned, kneeling down next to her and placing her hands on her knees.

"I wanted to bring Kiera in from this awful rain," Lucy said, sniffing hard, "and I know she likes to play here, but I can't find her. Did you find her? She'll catch a cold in this."

Luke's eyes burned, and he worked to keep it together. "She's safe, Luce. I promise." It wasn't entirely a lie. Wherever Kiera was now, she was safe.

"Oh, good," Lucy said, relieved. "I couldn't remember how to get back, so I thought I'd stay put until the rain stopped, at least, and figure it out then." She was shivering, and Luke put an arm around her to try and help her stay a bit warmer. Rita held her hand on the other side.

"We got you," she said.

"Thank you, my lovelies," Lucy said, squeezing them both lightly. She was shivering and tripping a bit, so Luke simply moved to lift her into his arms.

"Ooh aren't you a strong boy," Lucy commented, resting her head on his shoulder. "Kenny'll be jealous." Luke's lips twitched in a smile briefly. It worried him how light she was, though. Was she not eating? Rita led the way back to the house, and she called Brendan and Kenny to let them know Lucy was safe.

"Goodness me," Lucy said once Luke set her down in the kitchen. "I look like a drowned rat!"

"We'll get you dried off," Luke promised. She smiled. Then she looked puzzled.

"Why was I outside?" she asked. "I don't remember going out there."

Luke shared a look with Rita, who took over.

"You thought Kenny was out there, so you went to bring him in," she fibbed.

"Ah, yes. Funny old man he is now. He shouldn't be out there in this weather." Lucy bobbed her head. Luke wrung out her hair as best as he could while Rita dried her off with a towel. "I did see Willow, though. She wouldn't come when I called, silly thing. You'll have to try using a carrot. That always seemed to work."

Luke could tell Rita was speechless. It appeared Lucy was really not having a good memory day. Kenny burst in a moment later before either of them could respond.

"There you are!" he exclaimed. "I was so worried!"

"About what?" Lucy asked. "I just went for a little walk. I know where I live." Luke didn't know what to think about her story bouncing all over the place and changing. He wondered if that was what it was like in her mind, things always shifting and changing.

"You didn't take your meds," Kenny said. "They help you, dear."

"Oh."

That explained it. Luke knew meds only did so much, though. He worried her illness was getting worse faster than they thought. Brendan finally got there, and he was drenched as well.

"Luke! What were you doing out in that awful weather!" Lucy exclaimed upon seeing him. It made Luke freeze and Brendan look unsure. Then Lucy smacked Luke's arm playfully. "I'm kidding. I know he's your son, Luke."

"Oye," Luke said, feeling unsure of what to do or say now.

"That's not funny, dear," Kenny chastised lightly. Lucy scoffed.

"I'm the one losing my mind," she retorted. "I should be able to have some fun with it."

"Do it too often, and we won't know when you're serious or joking," Kenny warned.

"Fine, you old codger," she said with a slight huff. "Spoil my fun."

"I've got it from here," Kenny told them all. "Thank you."

"Yes, thank you," Lucy said too. "See you soon."

After goodbyes, Rita, Luke, and Brendan went back out into the rain. It was a quiet walk back to the house, and Brendan went to dry off and change, leaving Rita and Luke standing there alone.

"Well," she said finally. "That was...awful."

"I know." He could see it was affecting her as much as it was him. She shifted on her feet.

"About earlier," she started. Then she stopped. He felt dread, knowing what was coming. She took in a breath and tried again. "I'm not sure what came over me. I'm still angry at you, and I still need time."

"I understand." He felt disappointed, but he didn't want to push her. He wanted it to feel right for her.

"I...I need to just be alone for a while," she added. Something about her tone made Luke feel a bit worried, but he didn't argue.

"Okay."

"Dry off or whatever," she said, waving her hand. Then she was gone. Luke stood there alone, wondering if he should go after her or not.

...

Rita stood with her hands leaning on the workbench. She was looking at the pistol lying there in front of her, and her thoughts were wandering about Travis, the war, her mother, and Lucy. It all just felt so dark, and she didn't know how to handle it or if she'd even survive it. Seeing Lucy keep thinking Kiera was alive was so, so hard. Carrying the weight of the war was almost suffocating. Trying to navigate pain from loss was like drowning. Rita just felt so tired in this moment. She'd had enough. She looked at the gun again.

How many times had she shot herself? It was countless. What was one more time?

Feeling rather impulsive, she looked over her shoulder and picked up the pistol before tucking it in the back of her pants. She then left the barn and made her way to the trail towards the woods. She walked until she reached the creek and then the pond. She climbed up to sit on the rock highest and crossed her legs. When the rain finally stopped, she closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of birds chirping again, water moving, and the breeze against the leaves. She felt at peace.

Without too much thought, she reached to pull out the pistol and set it on the rock next to her leg. She wondered if she would reset, if maybe she hadn't lost the power after all. What would resetting even mean? Would she go back to that day in Verdun? Would she get the chance to save Travis? Could she go back and somehow help Lucy? Would it just start today over? She sat there alone with her thoughts for a long time, her impulsivity slowly leaving her. She knew what doing this would do to everyone else if she didn't reset, and she didn't want that.

"Rita?"

She jerked her head to see Luke standing there. She could tell from his face that he was scared. This was not the first time he'd caught her alone with a gun after all.

"What?" she asked, her voice slightly wavering without her telling it to. Instead of answering, he came to sit next to her, the gun between them now.

"Talk to me," he said softly. "Please." He waited for her to speak, but she wasn't sure what to say. In the end, she decided to be honest.

"You ever wonder if you still have it?" she asked finally, not looking at him. She heard him shift and sigh.

"Sometimes."

Rita wanted to know how he'd reset after destroying the Omega, and she was convinced he still had the power.

"Do you feel it?"

"No," he answered. "That's the thing—I don't."

"How did you reset then?"

"I think perhaps it was everything to do with the Omega and nothing to do with me."

"I think you're wrong."

"Well, regardless, I don't feel it in me, Rita. It's not there."

She took a breath, trying to settle her nerves. She rested her hand on the gun, and Luke rested his on top of hers a moment later.

"I still need you," he said, and she finally looked at him. "We all do."

The sound of slight brokenness in his tone made her break.

"I know...I...I wouldn't. I'm just..." She tried to stifle the sob, but it came out anyway. Then she was flat out bawling, and he was pulling her into his arms, and she had no more desire to find out if she could reset.

"I got you," he said gently. Rita let it all out, and she hated how childish her cries sounded, but she needed to do this. It was high time.

When she'd succeeded in leaving a giant tear stain on his already wet shirt, she finally stopped crying and just rested against him. His arms around her were comforting and safe, just like they always had been.

"Maybe it's time to talk to someone," Luke said quietly.

"And tell them what?" she replied. "I'd be shipped off to a psych ward for sure." She couldn't handle that again. She hadn't told him about her first experience and was pretty confident she hadn't said anything in the resets. Luke would have said something about it. She wasn't sure if she wanted to relive that with him.

Luke made a noise in his throat that conveyed he understood. She wondered if he had nightmares too. She felt confident he had to be. She almost told him about Travis being the boy her father had saved when she saw something and stiffened, sitting up straight to stare harder into the woods.

"You see it, right?" she asked.

"Mmhmm," he answered. He looked just as surprised.

For a moment, Rita stared. She suddenly felt emotional again, for in front of her stood a horse identical to Willow. She realized Lucy must have seen it earlier and mistook it for her beloved old friend. It was so white it was almost blinding. She watched as the horse stopped to take a drink. Both she and Luke were transfixed by it.

"It's lost," she whispered.

"How do you know?" he whispered back.

"I just feel it." She got to her feet slowly.

"Rita?"

She could see clearly it was a female horse. She wanted to bring her home. She moved to head down to the pond to get as close as she dared. Luke figured out what she was doing and quietly did the same, moving to get on the other side of the horse.

"Hi, pretty girl," Rita said in a low voice, and the horse lifted her head and surveyed Rita carefully. She let out a little snort of warning. "Oh, I won't hurt you, sweetheart. I just want to love you and give you a home."

They did a stare down with each other, and Rita took a small step closer. Then another. And another. The horse let her get close, and she dared to reach out a hand. Her fingers just touched the horse's snout when it jerked back and bolted.

"No!" Rita exclaimed, curling her outstretched hand into a slight fist and letting it drop to her side. "Damn it."

Luke joined her a moment later, watching where the horse had disappeared along with her. Rita sighed heavily.

"Well, now we know what Lucy saw," he commented.

That horse was a sign. She knew it. "I want her, Luke."

"I know."

"Will you help me?" She looked at him, and she saw hope in his eyes as he looked back at her.

"Of course."

Rita wanted to know who, if anyone, had originally had this horse. Rita pegged her to only be two years old roughly; anything was possible.

"That's what I want to do," she said, more to herself than anyone.

"What's that?"

"I want to raise horses," she said. "I want to use them to help others...to help me."

"Okay," he agreed. "Then let's do that."

For a moment, Rita contemplated kissing him. She really did, but the hurt part of her was holding her back. It was a slow progress this forgiveness business, but she wasn't giving up on it.

"Luke?" she said.

"Yea?"

I still love you. She opened and closed her mouth, the words right there. For some reason, she couldn't say them.

"I'm going into town," she said after deliberating. "You need anything?"

"No, I'm good," he answered. "I gotta pick up some parts for Kenny, so I'll be heading in myself."

"Okay."

A part of her wanted him to ask her to go together, and he looked like he was going to but was unsure. She pressed her lips into a tight smile and began to walk back towards the farm. Thunder rumbled in the distance, and Rita didn't want to get caught in another rain storm, so she picked up her pace.

"I'll see you later," Luke said as they parted ways. She nodded without a word, going inside to change and dry off before climbing into her father's old beat up truck that somehow still kept chugging along. It made her think of him, and she cranked up Johnny Cash as she drove away.

...

Luke shook the rain off as he went inside, and Kenny looked up at him from the table. It struck Luke suddenly how much older Kenny appeared, but being a caregiver could do that to you. He kicked off his boots and hung his jacket before heading for a glass of water.

"You still going?" Kenny asked.

"If you want me to."

"Sure."

Luke downed his water as Kenny slid a piece of paper with an address on it across the table towards him. He picked it up and scanned it before pocketing it. If Rita had asked him to go with her, he would have. He'd almost suggested it but hadn't wanted to push her.

"She doing okay?" Kenny asked next, referring to Rita.

"I don't know," Luke answered truthfully.

"I can see that darkness," Kenny went on, scratching the back of his neck almost nervously. "I recognize it, Luke."

"Me too." It had terrified him, seeing Rita sitting there with that gun.

"I found Lucy once," Kenny said, surprising Luke. He blinked.

"What?"

"She was standing in the pond with rocks in her pockets. She was having a conversation with God, saying she didn't want to disappoint Him but that just wanted to be with Him and Keira again."

"Shit, Kenny." Luke had no idea, but he knew how hurt Lucy had been for so long. Hell, he still hurt when he thought about Keira, which was often, and having her constantly think the little girl was alive was bringing him to his knees more often than not.

"I waded right in there with her and told her if she was going, then I was too cos I couldn't live without her. Seemed to snap her out of it, and she got some help. Then this bullshit happened." Kenny sighed, rubbing his face with his hand. "She's slowly slipping away, Luke, and I can't stop it...can't change it. I'm watching the love of my life slowly lose her mind and forget all of us..." His voice broke and then he was crying. Luke felt emotion in his throat very heavily, and his own eyes burned. He went to stand next to Kenny and pulled him into a hug. It almost felt like hugging a child the way Kenny just collapsed into him and lost it further.

"It's not fair," Kenny sobbed. "It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair."

Some tears slipped down Luke's cheeks now as he said nothing and rocked Kenny in his arms while the man cried his heart out. It was all he could do, and he couldn't imagine being in Kenny's place.

"Oh God," Kenny said, coughing and clearing his throat viciously after he finally stopped crying. He sat up out of Luke's embrace and mopped at his face with a handkerchief. "Wow. I had a lot in there. Sorry to get it all over you." He made a half-hearted attempt to swipe at the tear stains on Luke's shirt as if that would get them out.

"It's okay to let it out," Luke advised, and Kenny gave a brief smile and nod.

"I'll remember that."

"I'll head out and get this stuff for you," Luke added, patting his pocket with the paper in it.

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

Luke headed back out into the rain and climbed into his truck. Then he reached to crank up his heavy metal, just needing to drown it all out before it swept him away.

...

Rosie pored over her notes and maps again for the millionth time. She still couldn't understand how Wes was still missing. She hated that she couldn't find him, and she wondered if he was leaving it that way on purpose. Maybe it was his way of making her feel the way Rita did right now.

She got the message.

"Come on," she muttered under her breath. Nothing was making sense. Nothing was adding up. She pressed a hand into her head, pushing her hair back as she stared at the words from her notes. She finally had to give up and dropped the paper she was holding onto the table. She looked at the photo of Lance for the hundredth time that day.

"I wish you could help me," she whispered. He smiled back at her. She picked it up and held it against her heart. For a moment, she didn't feel so alone. Then, a noise outside made her ears perk up. She stood and looked out the window to see her grandson pacing on the front porch.

...

Brendan stood on the porch and hesitated. He felt like he was betraying his mother by being here, but he had some questions. He lifted his hand to knock more than once, pacing back and forth in between until finally, the door was opened to reveal his grandmother.

"That was painful," she commented. "I couldn't take it anymore. You coming in or not?"

"Uh," he said, speechless suddenly. Was he looking at who he thought he was looking at?!

"Hi, B," Amelia said fondly. "It's been a long time."

"You're my grandmother?!" he exclaimed, finally finding his voice. No wonder his mother was so sad and angry! He felt a bit angry too.

"You get one shot," she said, turning her face towards him.

"W-What?"

"Come on, hit me," she said. "One shot. Freebie. On the house."

"I...I can't do that..."

"I deserve it," she insisted. "Trust me, your mother gets a free shot too. Maybe five. If she ever talks to me again."

"I don't hit women," Brendan mumbled, feeling weird inside. She laughed.

"Just like your father. That's not a bad thing, son. You coming in or no?"

"Are you really Amelia?"

"No. I'm Rosie."

"Oh."

"I love you and your mother very much," she went on. "I really do. I'm sorry I lied, and I'm so sorry I hurt you, but I had my reasons, as stupid as they were."

"I don't even know why I'm here," Brendan confessed. "I guess I just wanted some answers."

"I'll do my best," Rosie said, stepping aside. Brendan looked behind him, wondering how angry his mother would be for being here. "It's okay if you don't want to. I'll understand."

In the end, he had to know, so he stepped inside, letting the door bang shut behind him.

...

Rita was driving home, her wipers going quickly but really doing nothing against the beating rain (would it ever stop?). She saw the brake lights ahead and groaned inwardly at the thought of being delayed for her warm bath she'd envisioned for herself after all this dampness. Then she saw the flashing lights, and her stomach clenched. Someone was hurt.

She pulled to the side of the road, just close enough to the accident scene before it was blocked off. The bright lights revealed the mangled vehicle, and her heart stopped.

"No," she said, anguished. "No!" She shoved open her door and almost fell out of her seat. She ran towards the police officer standing there watching. "Hey!"

"Whoa!" the officer exclaimed, reaching to stop her with his hand. "You can't be here!"

The truck was his. She'd recognize it anywhere.

"That's my husband!" she shouted. "That's my husband! LUKE!" She went to go around the officer, but he caught her easily.

"Ma'am, I need you to stay in your car."

"LUUUUUKE!" Rita was screaming, ignoring him. The officer held onto her tighter. "LUKE! NOOOOO! LET ME GO! THAT'S MY HUSBAND!"

The officer was trying to soothe her to no avail. She pounded on him with her fists when he kept her from rushing to the body being pulled up from the ditch by rescue workers. No one was doing CPR. All looked very somber as they stole glances at the motionless body covered with a sheet. Rita couldn't stop screaming. The pain was too unbearable. She'd lost him. She'd messed around being angry at him and had now lost him forever.

"LUKE!" she wailed over and over. "LUKE!"

A second officer was coming to assist now, and Rita felt her legs give out and collapsed to the ground.

"No," she cried. "No, no, no. Luke...Luke! Nooooo!"

She didn't even hear what the officers were saying to her. The female one had a soothing voice; it meant nothing.

She'd lost her Luke. There was no coming back from that.