A/N: This fic contains potentially triggering subject matter including but not limited to: suicidal references, gun violence, sexual trauma, homelessness, drug abuse, depression, homophobia, and cancer. It may contain inaccuracies. No copyright infringement intended. Thanks for reading!

BOOK THREE - PART ONE - CHAPTER EIGHTY-THREE

Cat lowered her hand down the front of Sam's body. She gave her clit a little rub, then slowly slid her fingers back in, curling them up inside a few times. Just to make sure, she asked, "Sam, is this o—"

Sam cut her off with a kiss. The wetness between her thighs made Cat's job much easier as she moaned softly against her mouth, tightening and clenching around her.

Their tongues circled around each other as they made out heatedly for several minutes. Cat continued the small, steady motions until Sam was breathing too hard to continue. Then she broke away to Sam's neck and pressed several soft kisses there. They turned into gentle bites. Before she realized it, there was a small red mark left over near her collarbone to match the one already there, except this one would be more difficult to hide.

"Oh, jeez," Cat mumbled guiltily. "Um…"

"Did you leave a hickey?" Sam asked. Then, reading the expression on Cat's face, she said, "It's okay. You can mark me. I'm all yours."

"Really?"

"Uh-huh."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep."

Cat paused, then continued, "Completely sure? Like, there's no doubts or anything?"

"Cat?"

"Mm-hmm?"

"Shut up and fuck me."

Cat eagerly picked up where she left off, starting at Sam's neck and then trailing a line of kisses down her chest. This time, she skipped her breasts altogether and continued down the middle of her stomach. When she reached her bellybutton, Sam's hands curled into tight fists by her sides. Cat looked up at her in silent question.

"Sorry." Sam opened her hands and took a deep breath.

Cat could practically feel the fear radiating off her. "Should I stop?"

"No. I'm okay. I'm good." Sam sounded like she was trying to convince herself of the same. Her voice and her entire body were lightly shaking. "Keep going."

Moving very carefully now, Cat pressed a line of kisses down to the top edge of the curls between Sam's legs. She stroked the side of her hip, then urged her to part her thighs a little further so she could settle between them. The whole time, she never stopped the motions of her fingers. "I'm gonna move down now, okay?" She failed to receive a response right away. "Sam?"

Sam took a shaky breath. She gathered up Cat's hair and pulled it over her shoulder, out of the way. Then she locked eyes with her and gave the slightest nod.

Cat slowly shifted down and took in the view without stopping the motion of her fingers. The scent of her was dizzying. Even from this angle, most of Sam's sex was obscured by a bush of golden blonde curls. She was pink in the middle, and very wet. Her clit was bigger than Cat's, swollen and peeking out from under its hood. Cat fought her urge to dive straight in and lick her clean. She curled her fingers up, then looked up and met her eyes. "Can I..?"

Sam whined desperately, feeling extremely conflicted. "It's okay," she forced herself to say. It was unclear whether she was addressing Cat or herself.

Cat wasn't actually sure how to start. She kissed the insides of Sam's thighs, starting at her knees and working her way up. She teased her for a while longer just to make sure she was really ready. Finally, she took a deep breath and ran her tongue up the middle, giving her a single, wide lick. She was slick and bittersweet and made Cat's head feel foggy—Cat was immediately addicted. She moved back in to give her another lick, but then stopped abruptly and leaned back—Sam had both arms over her face and was trembling in fear now. "Sam?"

Sam choked out a sob.

Cat sighed. She withdrew her fingers, wiped her mouth clean, and very carefully crawled on top of Sam. "That was too much, huh?" Her heart nearly broke when she heard Sam sniffling. "Sammy, please don't cry…"

"I'm sorry," Sam repeated, "I'm sorry; I really tried…"

"Sam." Cat gently grabbed her arms and uncovered her face. "Stop. It's okay; I'm not gonna hurt you."

Sam choked back a sob. "I'm so fucking pathetic. Just—get off me."

Cat didn't move. "No, you're not. Please just calm down…"

Sam began breathing rapidly. "Get off," she demanded fearfully, grabbing her shoulders and pushing her away.

It was obvious she was trying to be as gentle as she could with her—she could easily move her if she really tried—but Cat could sense her going into a panic. "Sam, breathe. It's okay."

"I said get the fuck off of me!" Sam screamed, her voice full of terror, and it startled Cat so much that she immediately scrambled away. Sam flung herself out of bed, bolted for the bathroom, and locked herself inside.

Cat sat there in shock for a second. She could hear her crying on the other side of the door and felt extremely guilty for not listening to her the first time—she hadn't meant to scare her so badly. And now she wasn't sure what to do. She cautiously crawled out of bed and went to the bathroom door.

"…fucking hate you," Sam quietly sobbed, "I fucking hate you, I fucking hate you…"

Cat hoped Sam wasn't talking about her. She quietly tapped her knuckles against the door a couple of times. "Sam?"

"Leave me alone."

"You don't have to be upset. We can just try again another time," Cat told her. "I'm not disappointed." She waited, but Sam didn't stop crying. "I'm sorry for not moving off you right away. I didn't mean to scare you. Are you okay?"

"I'm not fucking scared," Sam weakly stated, and it was obviously a lie.

"Can you please open the door?"

There was a beat of silence. Then Sam said, "I'm gonna take a bath. I feel gross."

Cat tried not to be offended by that—they had already dealt with this issue before. "Can you please just come lay down? We don't have to do anything. You can just hold me."

"I need some time. I'm sorry," Sam answered, and Cat heard the lock click into place. She mumbled, "Love you," and then cranked the faucet on.

Cat sighed. "I love you, Sam," she called to her, but wasn't sure she could even hear her over the running water. This was not how tonight was supposed to go. She sat down naked on the couch and rubbed her eyes. She'd been so close. The taste still lingered on her tongue. She knew she'd probably be waiting a while for Sam to return, so she picked up her phone and sent out a text message.