(Scenes from Legends of Tomorrow Season 7, Episode 9)

We have barely evaded the robots sent by the other Gideon. We are currently inside the manor in the pocket dimension. Dr. Davies opts to go back to the factory, but Bishop was already gone. In addition, the portal to the factory is now inaccessible. On the other side of the front door is a torrent of flames. I've discovered too late that everyone had a different idea of "home". They anticipated landing in 2022, given that the two days we spent in 1943 were 38 weeks outside the timeline. My decision is strongly ruled a "mistake" despite Gary disputing that I might've chosen the manor because it feels like home to me. Zari 2.0, feeling my forehead, detects I'm having a fever. We're consequently obliged to stay put since there's no point in going anywhere. "Luckily, we landed outside the timeline," Captain Lance declares, "which means Evil Gideon can't find us, and now we have a chance to come up with our game plan."

I speak up, "But that was the whole—"

She heedlessly cuts me off. "Tactics. We need to think tactics."

"Give me 10 minutes," Captain Sharpe requests. "I'll have a murder board drawn up, and we can do some planning." The team disperses without allowing me a word in edgewise. I can't go to the meeting with the other Legends faulting me. Nor can I rest with failure weighing on my shoulders, metaphorically speaking.

Removing the bobby pins in my hair, I sulk alone in the kitchen. My thoughts are interrupted by someone exiting the great hall. "Hey, Gideon," Gary says. "I didn't see you at the murder board meeting. You okay?"

I hang my head low. "I thought I was doing the right thing coming here, but they're all so disappointed in me. It all happened so fast; I just went with my gut. What if, the next time I get confused, I jump us all into a tornado? I could kill us all."

"No," he dissents. "No, you did good. You brought us to safety. Don't be so hard on yourself." His words of encouragement admittedly buoy me up as well as the kiss he plants on my cheek. Blushingly, he scours the refrigerator. I ask him about the meeting; he recalls the team determining what A.I. Gideon's end game is. I deduce she considers the Legends "an unpredictable and destructive force that needs to be eradicated". My "guess" startles Gary into offering me an apple from the fruit bowl. Upon accepting it, I bite it while ogling at him. "Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?"

I've detected an unusual heat surge. "If you're referring to the increasing temperature in the house, you're correct."

He answers, moderately dissatisfied, "Oh."

"If you're insinuating we should go upstairs and fool around," I enunciate, "you're also correct." I chew on the bite of apple prior to swallowing it. My eyes linger at Gary, who arousingly reprises his answer. I lead him up the back stairway to my bedroom in a tittering hurry. Once the door is locked, I feed him the rest of the apple. It escalates to us discarding the other's outer clothes. I push Gary onto the bed and straddle him. As we peel off the undergarments, we slip under the sheets. Our experimenting is doubly stirring this time.

We are so caught up in the moment; we are unaware that someone is barging into the room. Two frightful screams prevent us from going any further. Imagine my self-effacement when I recognize them as the captains'. Gary questions, "Why are you attacking us?"

Captain Sharpe inquires, "Wha—'Us'?"

I sheepishly unmask my face to acknowledge her and Captain Lance. "Greetings."

Stunned, the former mutters, "Oh my..." The latter is also in disbelief, putting the candlestand down on the nightstand. The lights are mysteriously turned on. I sit up, concealing my chest with the bed sheets. Gary does the same for everything below his waist.

Everyone else crowds into the bedroom in tandem since the commotion has imbued the house. They are equally aghast to find us together in bed. On the other hand, Nate gives a brief thumbs up. Gary and I feel mortified as it is. In our defense, knocking is still a common courtesy.

Astra presumes, "This had better be consensual, Gary, or I'm gonna rip off your—"

I stop her from mangling him, concisely explaining, "This is entirely consensual. In fact, I was the one who instigated our first tryst."

Spooner queries, "Wait, how long has this been going on?" I begin recounting the time spent in our current romp. Everyone's groans make their disinterest in the explicit details clear. "I mean," she redefines, "when did you have your first hook-up?"

"Oh." I confirm, "The Chernobyl nuclear meltdown was our first date."

An equally rapturous Gary verifies, "Yeah."

"Oh, lovely. Sounds very romantic," Captain Sharpe vehemently remarks. "I guess this is why Gideon has been so unfocused lately." Her words sober me out of my euphoria.

"Yeah," Captain Lance agrees, "and how we ended up here. Gary said the manor feels like home to her. That must be the reason why she brought us here instead of our actual home. Because of him!" I continue feeling emotionally muddled. He nonetheless considers the false assumption to be "so sweet".

"This is like a bad reality show," Zari 2.0 asserts, derisively thanking us. Her words inspire a penny-dropping moment for Astra on what has been infecting the manor – the Cursed Crew. She casts a luminary spell on the lights, unveiling an invisible camera crew filming the ongoing ordeal. Dr. Davies faints at the sight of them. Astra wisecracks in a deadpan tone, "We're on a reality show from Hell."

The team exits afterwards without saying anything else to Gary and me. Their words were greatly troubling, especially those of the captains, who have the longest relationship among them. What if the others' qualms are valid? Gary contentedly exhales, "That was incredible. Not just the chocolate, but the sex was amazing." He notices my despondent expression. "What's wrong?"

"What are we doing? Maybe this connection between us is clouding my judgment or it may be the effects of this hell house. The last thing the Legends need is for their time pilot to be obsessed with your sweet little bottom."

Gary tries to assure me that our judgment isn't clouded. He was succeeding until he unanticipatedly declares those three words to me! This sends a literal shock to my core. I hastily climb out of bed and get dressed. "That-that was the reality show effect," Gary profusely sputters. "I-I know it's too soon to talk about love." His recantation doesn't alleviate my fears either. Needing a secluded place to think, I hightail out of my bedroom.

I have so many emotions running at once. I speed down the corridor to the attic. Breathing heavily, I close the door behind me. On one hand, being human does enable sensations and freedoms I couldn't have as an A.I. Some of which I do enjoy more than others. On the other hand, it's usually infeasible for A.I.s to have reciprocal emotions as humans do. My transition was wholly unprecedent; however, I didn't presume how making the most of it would agitate everyone until now. "I'm in over my head this time," I say aloud.

An anonymous voice appears out of nowhere. "How so?" A solitary chair is revealed under a spotlight in the middle of the room.

"Hello? Who's talking?"

"Oh, you hopefully." Amidst all that has happened, I've already forgotten about the production crew infiltrating the manor. Captain Sharpe was right; I have been unfocused. "So, how are you in over your head?"

"I don't make it a habit to speak with disembodied voices." Given my history, this is beyond ironic.

"Don't you," the showrunner entreats. "Just a little?"

"Well, I guess it would be nice to unload." I situate myself down, smoothing my dress out. "And this is just between you and me?"

"Of course." The blinds in the attic are opened in an automatic fashion.

"This has all been overwhelming. My human side—well, it's been developing all sorts of new feelings. And I particularly hate this one called self-doubt."

"Your human side?"

"Yes. Sometimes I wish I could turn off my emotions and just approach things more analytically, the way my CPU was designed." I shake my head, negating the idea. "That would be quite dangerous."

"Well, some people would say, in these peculiar circumstances, that unchecked emotions could be much more… dangerous."

I take his words into consideration. What if I harm the Legends due to my rampant emotions? "Maybe you're right." I don't remember what happened next, but I do sense something different. One look in the mirror makes everything evident. I'm wearing a black dress with high heel boots, heavy makeup on my face, and my hair is in a low ponytail. More importantly, I feel devoid of any emotions. I undertake my directives with an unclouded mind. My first stop is my bedroom. An unclad Gary is still lying in bed, holding a bottle of chocolate sauce. His mouth is drenched in said substance. He's unprepared to see my new appearance. "Gideon?"

"I'm dumping you, Gary," I harshly attest. "It's over."

"What?"

"I need to devote my full energy to my work."

He pathetically stammers, "But-but-but my bottom…"

"Please don't make a scene. You'll only embarrass yourself." With that, I swiftly exit and close the door behind me. I keep going down the corridor as he loudly sobs from my bedroom.

The showrunner, Harris Ledes, has previously tipped me about the other Legends' melodramas. I approach Zari 2.0 in the great hall, where she's pacing back and forth. "You're not still thinking about what Nate said," I query, "are you?"

"10 million years," she scoffs. "Ha! I'm not just as laid-back as the other Zari." I sit down and listen to her ranting. "I simply take advantage of my genes to utilize a little variety in my appearance." Yet she's wearing a red flannel shirt akin to her alternate self. "Tell me this – is it a crime to admit that I am, empirically speaking, very hot?"

I connote, "Perhaps the mere sight of you makes him—I don't know—nervous for some reason."

"You know what? You're right. He is nervous, but why? We're just friends. There's no reason for him to be nervous around me."

"Maybe it's the other Zari."

"Why would he be nervous around her? They're crazy about each other. They're moving in. That's a big step. It's—" Zari 2.0 gasps in horror. "Oh my gosh. That's it."

"What?"

She covers her totem and whispers to me, "He doesn't want to move into the totem. How could he do this to her? Gidget, we have to protect that little nerd. You're on my team. Right?"

"Of course I am." As we're hugging, she doesn't know I have something else up my sleeves.

I promptly check in on Nate with a fake tan in the midst of his bodybuilding session. "Hey," he says as I begin spotting him. "I saw you talking to Zari. What'd she say?"

"I shouldn't. It was in confidence. I'll just say it's interesting that she thinks she utilizes her genes better than your Zari."

Stunned, he places the barbell on the weight bench. "What?" A self-satisfied smile extends on my face while an outraged Nate sits up. "She thinks my Zari's ugly? She thinks she's better than her?"

"I couldn't say," I reply with feigned coyness.

"Hey, good talk."

"Hmm."

He holds his fist up to me. "Spot buddies for life." I mimic him; however, Nate pulls my wrist for my fist to hit his. "Nice." I rattle my hand after striking his steel-like knuckles.

I visit Dr. Davies next since he's the one who let the production crew in the manor. He is currently delving into research on WW1 in the library. "Deep into planning—refreshing," I impart. "The rest of the Legends are concerned with more trivial matters. I was thinking, though, with this current plan..." He finally looks up from the books at me. "How are you going to prevent any harm to Alun throughout the rest of the war?" Alun Thomas is Dr. Davies's best mate and comrade in battle—his death is what galvanized him to invent the time machine. "I mean, there is, after all, four more years of it?" This hypothetical question perturbs Dr. Davies to the point of praying in his native Welsh. "It's too bad you cannot save them—all those poor men."

"Perhaps we can save all of them." He discloses that Captain Lance has given him a voucher permitting him to save one person from the timeline. I smugly encourage him to make good use of it, while I devise a plan for our overestimated co-captains.

Captain Sharpe beckons me into the kitchen. As I set the table for dinner, she becomes the "unfocused one" upon eavesdropping a conversation in the great hall. "Co-Cap," Zari supplicates Captain Lance, "once you're finished coming up with a brilliant plan, we need to talk about how Bro Nate is about to ruin Flannel Zari's life."

"I have come up with the perfect plan to defeat Evil Gideon." The latter holds up two cocktails, proclaiming, "Pack your sunscreen and your hangover remedies 'cause the Legends are going to Cabo!" She's playing the role of the burnout housewife well.

Her spouse contests, "That's her plan?" She retreats into the kitchen to check on the meal she has cooked.

"Is something wrong, Captain Sharpe?"

"It's not easy being captain, Gideon," she sighs. "How are Sara and I supposed to be co-captains if I keep shouldering the responsibilities?" It sounds like the honeymoon's over before it can even start. She does a taste test prior to turning the fire on the stovetop low. She bangs the wooden spoon against the pot. "Wash your hands," Captain Sharpe calls to the other Legends. "Time for dinner!" The table's set, and the knives are out.

Captain Sharpe feels as if her meal needs something else, so she decides to cook another entrée. I offer my "assistance" by stirring the pot. Since I don't have human emotions clouding my judgement, I intend on ensuring that the Legends will get exactly what they deserve. I quietly inspect the other Legends as they appear successively. Nate and Zari 2.0 are actively avoiding the other. A lachrymose, scruffy haired Gary is holding a box of tissues in the corner. Dr. Davies and Captain Lance are sitting on opposite ends of the table. A brazen Spooner is oblivious to the blatant unease towards her nudity. Astra, who has been trying to persuade Harris Ledes from removing his camera crew, rejoins us in the kitchen. "I don't think Behrad will be joining us," she flatly announces. "He's hiding in bed."

"Oh, just like how he spent most of his teenage years," Zari 2.0 recalls.

"Ew."

"No, not like that," she clarifies. "He just didn't want to be on camera. So, we had to recast him." You see, she had her own reality show called Keeping Up with the Tarazis.

"You recast your own brother?"

"Mm-hmm." Dr. Davies begins blessing the food with a heavily censored prayer. Zari 2.0 nonetheless interrupts him by tapping her glass and making a toast. "Beautiful words. Aves, I just want to say thank you for this beautiful meal." Captain Lance also applauds her spouse.

"You're welcome," Captain Sharpe affirms with a smile.

"Fake," Nate indiscreetly blurts.

Zari 2.0 glares at him. "Excuse me?"

Dr. Davies stands upright with his own announcement. "You know, I think that this is now a wonderful opportunity to bring up the plan with regards to what Ms. Lance promised me." Captain Lance motions him to stop speaking in vain.

Her spouse inquires her, "What is he talking about?"

"She promised me that I could save one life," he responds, exposing the voucher she gave him, "and that life is Archduke Franz Ferdinand." Captain Lance removes her sunglasses in shock. Her face is exaggerated with heavy makeup. Captain Sharpe is gobsmacked that this reckless deal is made without her knowledge. "By preventing his assassination, we shall prevent the entire Great War."

After she hides her sunglasses inside her jacket, the exposed captain confronts him. "How dare you… misrepresent me? You led me to believe that you want to save one inconsequential person from the timeline, not your entire generation." She punctures the last word's syllables with broken claps. "No, thank you." Captain Lance turns to her spouse. "Babe, listen to me. You know I would never promise something like that, and he is clearly a liar."

"I am not a liar!"

"I am not talking to you."

"That's it," Captain Sharpe exclaims. "I am DONE cleaning up after you—after all of you! I am NOT the den mother." She storms out after blustering Spooner, "And would you put some clothes on?!"

The latter utters, "Ah!"

"Oh my—Look what you did," Captain Lance cries to Dr. Davies. She follows after her overwrought spouse. "Ava, wait!"

"But a promise is a promise," he insists.

My agenda for the captains is successfully realized. I resume bringing the conflict between Nate and Zari 2.0 to a high boil. For that, I utilize Spooner's unfulfilled pursuit for a secret alliance. "So, Spooner?"

"Mm?"

I fill two glasses with white wine. "Whose faction did you decide to join – Nate or Zari's?"

"Mm." Her indistinct reply ignites another squabble between Nate and Zari 2.0.

"Oh my gosh," she asserts. "You're trying to team up against me? Well, good luck getting anyone on your side."

"You're such a backstabber," he derides. "Nobody wants to be on your side."

"Everybody's on my side."

"No. All you ever do is talk crap about my Zari, and that woman's a saint!"

"You know what? Since we're already in Hell, there's only one way to settle this." Zari 2.0 taps her totem, summoning her alternate self to existence.

"This is the weirdest vibe yet," Zari 1.0 comments. "What—what's going on?"

"Well, Nate doesn't want to move into the totem."

"That's not true," Nate protests. "I totally want to live in the totem with you." He accusingly points at his girlfriend's alternate twin. "She called you ugly. And also, I believe she's trying to sleep with me."

"Oh my gosh, don't flatter yourself."

"You said that to me upstairs!"

"Hey," Zari 1.0 declares, silencing their bickering. "Are we in Hell right now?"

Astra lifts her head, replying, "Ugh, yeah, and we're all under the effects of a demon's reality show."

"Huh. Okay. That, uh—that makes sense."

Nate quizzes, "It does?"

"Yeah, because I now have an uncontrollable urge to do this." She squarely hurls two glasses of wine in her boyfriend and alternate counterpart's faces.

"Oh," the latter wails. "How could I?"

I look on with vindication at the current state of affairs. Captain Lance is apologizing and pleading for a break, much to Captain Sharpe's irritation. Spooner is roaming the manor au naturel. Nate and Zari 2.0 are sparring with Zari 1.0 mediating. Dr. Davies is unraveling in his neuroses, calling the situation "divine punishment". There's so much chaos in the manor, and, as usual, no one knows I'm stroking the fire.

"Enough," Astra roars. "This is exactly what Harris wants! You're all complete idiots!" She jumps out of her seat. "We're getting out of here! Gideon, I need your brain! Put on the colander! We will figure out an exorcism topside!" Astra stomps her way from the table and drags me to the time machine by the wrist.

"Excellent," I convey. "You should all simply pile into Gwyn's ramshackle time contraption, and I'll take you out of here." With them regarding me as their personal time chauffeur, I have just the destination in mind. "It'll be a breeze."

"A breeze," Gary dreadfully inquires. "No! She'll kill us all!" He leaps out of his chair and runs to the time machine. He safeguards the navigational device in defiance of us. "I've been trying to tell you." He whimpers, pointing at me, "She-she's not herself. She'll time jump us into a tornado." Nonetheless, the Legends continue writing him off.

"Gary," Captain Sharpe advises, "don't do anything crazy."

"I'm trying to save your life, so help me." He then has enacted a harebrained idea. "I'll eat this."

"Eat?" Gary immediately flees into the great hall. We chase after him, only to witness him, in his alien form, devouring the helmet. That insufferable Necrian is going to pay!

"Get him," Zari 2.0 states. We hunt Gary down throughout the manor. He pushes various objects and pieces of furniture to deter us. However, we remain undaunted.

We corner Gary in the kitchen. Looking at me, he articulates a word in his native dialect. I silently translate it to "Sweetie?" He should know better than to remain infatuated with a human computer.

I obtain a carving knife, expressing, "Let's slice him open."

Gary escapes into the lounge. He dodges Captains Lance and Sharpe by climbing over the coffee table and settee. He was going to re-enter the kitchen but pivots right as Zari 1.0 passively blocks him. I follow his shortcut through the time machine, while the other Legends take alternative routes.

Gary is cornered once again; I grab a hold of his wrist. Just as I was about to cut him open, Behrad unexpectedly appears and dashes a glass bowl of edibles to the floor. The loud shatter brings everything to a standstill. Zari 1.0 walks in as well to see what's going on. "You guys wanna make asses of yourselves in front of the cameras," he reprobates us. "Is that what you want? Because I know what it gets you." Behrad discloses, "I have countless memories of cameras in my face every time I was scared, every time I cried. You wanna know about the first time I ever failed? Don't worry; Keeping Up with the Tarazis had a whole episode about it!" Behrad initially wanted to outsmart the production crew, which was why he resorted to eating gummies and smoking cannabis—to appear unflappable. He now sees he had been intentionally numbing himself. "I'm sad sometimes. I'm scared a lot. I died, and I never talked about it. Because maybe I'm afraid—if I'm honest with anyone, they'll end up hating me." Behrad then confesses while stepping up to Astra, "All I want to do was ask you out. And now I'm crying for all of Hell to see and laugh at me, for my friends to find out they never knew the real me, and for the girl I like to run far away from me. But I'm done now. I may be known as the chill guy, but when it comes to you, Astra, I lose all my cool. I'm just B." Behrad's authenticity moves Astra and exposes the Cursed Crew to visibility. As it turns out, they were bound to work for him unless they capture a moment of unscripted emotion on camera. She informs them that their contract with Harris Ledes is now terminated before promptly kicking them out.

The carving knife falls out of my hand and hits the floor. My re-emergent humanity overtakes me like a tidal wave. As I breathe, it's audible and rather heavy. "Gideon," Gary asks after restoring his human form. "Are you in there?" Everyone is staring at me. I recollect my actions within the last hours in surveying their faces. His is the last one; we look at each other in the eye. Even though I broke his heart, his gaze lacks any possible contempt. It astonishes me as much as it chastens me.

"Gary, I'm so sorry," I whisper. Smiling softly, he reels me into his arms. His nose is pressed against the lateral region of my neck. I'm receptive to his hug, but I'm still addled with self-doubt as well as nicked by reticence.

My fever has broken. It pains me more to think about the damage I caused. After taking a shower, I dress myself in a blue-white striped collar shirt under a light grey cardigan and olive-green trousers. I return downstairs and find Gary sitting on the settee in the lounge. His hair is somehow groomed again. After I seat myself in the isolated armchair, he bestows me a cup of warm tea. "I figured this'll help you relax."

"Thank you." The soothing tincture of chamomile and lavender flow into my nostrils. I mull over Behrad's monologue and how his emotional bravery. After having a moment to drink my tea, I disclose the intent of suppressing my human side. "I didn't know how else to deal with these strong emotions. Objectivity has always been my default. It seemed plausible to shut them off after the problems I caused, but, as a human, it made matters worse."

His eyebrows furrow. "Why do you think you're causing problems?"

"Because I feel as if I was more effective when I was wires and circuits. You saw how my efforts have underwhelmed the Legends today." I look down at my oversized reflection in the teacup. "I also genuinely don't wish to put you off." It feels portentous to verbalize this aloud. Likely, it's why Gary got quiet for a minute.

"I'd put people off for years," he whispers. "After I chose not to go back to Necria, I found out that living as a human wasn't gonna be easy. My attempts had led others to tolerate or judge me. I didn't think anyone might treat me differently… until you changed my mind." It's only after he declares this that I discover his face less than a couple feet away from mine. "And I think you're incredible." How does he keep making me feel warm and fuzzy? Gary suddenly begins clutching his stomach. "Oof."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be," he answers. "I guess eating Bishop's navigational system wasn't such a good idea."

Despite this being a ramification for his impractical decision, I chuckle at the situational levity. "I don't entirely blame you. After all, I did consider introducing the Legends to a tornado." Thousands of goosebumps prick my skin when I caress his hand. "Thank you, Gary, for being here."

"Hey, you have me." He tenderly clasps my hand. "You'll always have me." I still have a lot to learn about humanity, but this feels less frightening. With that said, Gary's visage slowly becomes reflective. He stands erect and staunchly looks onto the opposite direction. "House meeting! House meeting, everyone!" I swallow my last mouthful of tea, recognizing his simmering temper and wanting what humans call "Dutch courage".

The other Legends wander in from various points of the manor. They all appear in their original personalities. Spooner is thankfully clothed. None of them are able to fathom what's happening. "Gary, the reality show is over," Astra reminds. "Everything's fine now."

"Yes, and I, for one, am glad," Dr. Davies volunteers. "You call that entertainment?"

"No, everything's not fine," Gary sternly dictates. "We are having this house meeting because there are apologies that need to happen."

"Gary, it's okay," Captain Sharpe interjects, taking Captain Lance's hand. "Gwyn, Sara, and I talked it out."

Zari mentions, "Yeah, and Nate and I are besties again."

"No, apologies to me and Gideon, jerks. She switched to 'robo-mode' after you guys made her second-guess herself and feel guilty about our relationship!"

I tap my hand against his midsection, effectively stopping him from going on a tirade. A momentary silence is present from both sides. Sighing, I rest the tea set on the coffee table. "I've perennially witnessed you all coupling up in some of the most chaotic of times while doing your jobs with terrific aplomb. So, it's more than unfair that you think Gary and I shouldn't find comfort in each other's sweet embrace; it's also a bit hypocritical." I stand beside my boyfriend, placing my hand on his chest while his arm envelops my waist.

It quickly becomes evident to everybody else how prevalent this implicit bias is. Captain Lance sits upright in the other armchair. "Uh... yeah, actually," she acknowledges, "you-you're completely right, and we're sorry."

"Yeah, sorry," Captain Sharpe affirms with the others equally apologetic. Gary and I forgive them without question. At the same time, my self-consciousness has completely waned.

"It's nice feeling emotional again," I exhale. "It's like a warm, gooey feeling as opposed to a cold, calculated urge to murder." My blank stare unnerves everyone for a minute. "I'm just kidding," I snort. "I'm quite funny actually." All of us laugh, and I hug Gary. He's so cuddly.

"But, hey, you are a part of this team and a supercomputer, so you tell us," Captain Lance entreats me. "Where do you think we should go?"

"Well, I'm glad you asked, Captain, because I've given it much tactical and emotional consideration. And I've chosen to follow my gut as we humans say. My gut is telling me to plot a course to 1914 Sarajevo. We need to save Archduke Franz Ferdinand and stop World War I." Everyone laughs at what they misconstrue as another joke. They soon perceive that I was actually serious.