I'm sorry for the delay. I was in the middle of redoing a lot of this chapter when a major life event hit me. I had to put my writing on hold until I took care of a bunch of issues from it. Things have improved a bit, so I will try to update more consistently for now on.
This is the first chapter that references Espio being intersex more, although it's more subtle.
The next morning, too early for Vector or Charmy to be awake, Silver found Espio in the backyard, meditating on a patch of grass near his garden. Silver sat down next to him, not saying anything. Due to most people still being asleep, it was quiet and peaceful. Just chirping birds and the early morning breeze could be heard. It was likely why Espio often meditated or trained alone at this time of day.
Silver's eyes wandered around the property. Silver enjoyed checking out the flowers and herbs Espio planted around the crop plants. Espio once said they were supposed to attract pollinators to the crops plans and deter some pests that could damage them. With how organized the flowers and herbs were, Silver suspected that Espio secretly was trying to make everything look nice too.
After several minutes of sitting in silence, struggling to find the right words, Silver decided to just start with idle talk.
"Do you ever get tired meditating?" Silver asked, hoping Espio wouldn't get annoyed with such a random question.
"No," Espio replied, his eyes closed, "it gives me peace of mind."
Silver glanced at Espio. "Huh, you sure do it a lot. Does it usually work?"
Espio nodded. "Yeah, it helps. Normally, at least."
Silver shifted uncomfortably before looking at Espio seriously, "You seem to need peace of mind a lot. Wanna talk about it?"
Espio opened his eyes and sighed, not bothering to look at Silver.
"Not particularly," Espio answered softly, turning his head slightly towards Silver.
Silver paused for a moment before speaking up, "Even when...you have nightmares."
Espio looked at Silver, embarrassed and annoyed. He was hoping Silver forgot about that.
Espio shook his head lightly. "I..it was a stupid dream. With the little I remember, I overreacted."
Espio did his best to hide his shame. Usually, he didn't have to worry about anyone hearing him if he had any of his nightmares. Vector and Charmy's bedrooms were downstairs in the basement while Espio's room was in what was upstairs at the end of the hall. On top of them being heavy sleepers, it would be hard for the duo to hear Espio down there.
Espio sighed and went back to closing his eyes, ready to meditate. "I'm sorry if I woke you up. Maybe I should stop watching certain things before going to bed."
Silver shook his head. "That's not what I meant. I'm just concerned is all. Is there anything you want to talk about? Any way I can help? I might not know what you're having nightmares about, but maybe talking about it might help. Maybe even prevent future nightmares.
Espio hesitated, thinking, considering what could really help him. He didn't know what he needed. But he sure didn't see the point in bringing up things that already happened and couldn't be fixed. Not by talking at least.
After a few moments of deciding what to say, Espio finally answered, "Just nightmares."
"I heard you call out for someone named Matrix."
Espio grimaced at the name. His heart ached badly whenever he heard it. Espio frowned then took a deep breath. He didn't want to think of him further. "Maybe...but I went back to bed again later. It was stupid."
"Is this Matrix person someone you know?"
Espio took a deep breath, wondering if he wanted to ignore Silver and to return to meditating or answer vaguely to get him off his back. Espio decided the latter.
Espio sighed, closing his eyes tightly to keep himself calm. He didn't need to act upset in front of Silver, who tended to worry whenever someone he cared about seemed unhappy.
'Don't think about it," Espio thought, "Breathe as you were taught.'
After taking a deep breath and going into a brief meditative state, Espio pushed his memories away into the back of his mind.
"Again, I'm sorry about waking you," Espio said, keeping his eyes closed. "I don't even remember some of them anyway. For all I know, I could be chased by something stupid like…a napa cabbage." Opening his eyes, Espio forced a faint smile to show he was making a joke, something he only did with people he was closer to.
Silver let out a strained chuckle to cover up his own uneasiness. He worried if he sounded too fake. At least Espio didn't comment on it.
They sat without saying anything for a while.
Silver felt helpless on what to do. If he asked Vector for help, Espio might get mad at him and talk to him less. He noticed Espio already seemed to be quieter lately, even for him.
Lately, Silver almost wished Vector and Charmy weren't such heavy sleepers. As cowardly as it sounded, Silver didn't want to be put into the position to decide whether telling Vector was worth it. Silver knew Espio liked his privacy a lot. Anything that threatened it could make Espio start distrusting him.
It hurt Silver that there were limited ways to help Espio without him cooperating. The best thing Silver could probably do at that moment was let Espio come to him for help on his own terms.
"I know you handle yourself well," Silver said, smiling. "But you can rely on me to help you the best I can. Don't you forget that."
Hearing the last sentence made Espio a bit sad.
'But me forgetting isn't the problem,' Espio thought. 'Why reopen wounds on my end if you might not remember what we discussed later? What if you start forgetting me? What if you don't forget, but you don't like what I tell you? Would you be…wary of being around me?'
No matter how many times Espio tried to deny it to himself in the past, he developed feelings for the hedgehog beyond mere friendship. His mind would logically tell him to drop it while his heart argued like a rebellious teenager that didn't want to be told what to do. He hated emotions, especially strong ones, that went against his logic. Using logic was a major thing that helped Espio survive this long.
Espio wasn't even sure if Silver would be able to handle his one…physical secret, for starters. While Espio didn't wear a lot of clothes like a lot of other male Mobians, he still used the same undergarments that blended into his scales and stomach to hide certain things.
For both modesty and practical reasons, such as hygiene and to protect vulnerable areas, any Mobian not wearing regular clothes that covered their nether regions or other areas, usually males but females could do it too, wore garments that blended into whatever their respective colors and coverings (fur, feathers, scales, etc.) were. It was like underwear but usually went over the actual underwear if the Mobian wasn't going commando.
Hundreds of years ago, a fabric was discovered that blended into a Mobian's outside and allowed more leeway with wearing less garments while keeping a lot of the benefits of regular clothes. Like gloves, it sort of became a popular fashion thing among Mobians to this day. Even humans had used the fabric for modesty purposes for themselves in some settings, such as a movie set, a photoshoot, or a fashion show, to conceal things without being too noticeable.
Espio shook himself out of his spiral of thoughts to focus on the present. He wanted to get a grip.
As much as Espio didn't believe what Silver told him about Silver being there for him, he didn't blame Silver. It wasn't Silver's fault different timelines were influencing his memories. Espio knew Silver tried at least. So he knew lying was better.
Espio gave Silver a smirk to try to make Silver think he believed him. "Of course. I'll keep that in mind. Thank you."
Espio closed his eyes, staying in his meditative pose, hoping for Silver to change topics. Getting the hint, Silver started discussing various topics involving flowers with Espio. Such as what types they wanted to try in the garden next time.
Silver knew it was invasive that he was trying, but he worried his faulty memories would make him forget to ask later. While even he admitted he could be naïve about things at times, Silver caught on to his memories changing already. How much he wasn't sure, but Espio seemed extra concerned about what he remembered. Just because Espio tried being subtle with his questions didn't mean Silver didn't catch on.
The longer Silver waited to get answers, the higher the chance that he would forget to ask later. He already risked waiting a week for the next visit. He waited until Espio and Vector left for a grocery run. Silver volunteered to watch Charmy until they got back.
Silver and Charmy were watching a cartoon when Silver popped the question.
"Hey, Charmy?" Silver asked, shifted a bit on the couch nervously. "Do you know someone named Matrix?"
Charmy, who sat on the floor in front of the TV, looked over his shoulder and at Silver behind him, looking like him with a questioning look. "Yeah, I know. Why?"
Silver stared at Charmy, surprised that Charmy both knew the answer and was willing to offer it with not resistance. He half-expected for Charmy to either not know or need a bunch of talking to get an answer.
"Can you please tell me?" Silver asked with a smile, giddy with how easy it turned out.
Silver's smile faltered a bit when he saw Charmy's typical smile being replaced with a frown. Charmy scooted around on the floor to face Silver.
"That's my Daddy," Charmy stated, shrugging with his hands out.
Silver blinked several times, wondering if he heard right. "Wait, what?"
"He's my Daddy," Charmy repeated, looking at Silver like he wondered if Silver was even listening.
Silver realized he did hear correctly. "You...are you sure?"
"Sure!" Charmy exclaimed, his smile back.
Silver blinked at his response.
"Hold on," Charmy added, standing up. "I'll be back."
Charmy flew downstairs, likely down to his own bedroom, then returned with a photo with some torn edges. Charmy landed on the spot next to Silver on the couch and handed the photo to him.
Silver stared at the image. In the center of the photo was Charmy, who looked a little younger. He was wearing a yellow plastic crown on his head. He sat in front of a chocolate frosted cake that was set on a wooden dining room table. Three lit candles were on the cake. The same crocodile couple Silver saw in Espio's photo stood on each side of Charmy.
The male crocodile stood on the left side of the picture and next to Charmy, his hand on the bee's shoulder as he grinned at him. He was even wearing the same tan trench coat and hat that Silver saw him wearing in Espio's photo.
The female crocodile stood on the right side of the photo and the other side of Charmy. She smiled brightly at Charmy, her hands clasped in front of her. With a yellow sundress that exposed more of her shoulders compared to the other photo, Silver noticed she had a frailer build than he expected for a crocodile. She was still bulkier than most females Silver had seen, but she looked small compared to the bulky Vector and the male crocodile in the photo with her, who had leaner athletic build compared to Vector.
Charmy pointed at the male crocodile. "That's him."
Silver eyes flicked between Charmy and the photo. He stared at Charmy before asking, "Wait...so he...this is him?"
Charmy nodded with a small smile on his face. "Yep, this was my third birthday. At least that's what the cake says."
Silver stared at Charmy, confused. "So...your dad is a crocodile?"
Charmy gave him a look like he was asking a dumb question. "Yeah, why wouldn't he be?"
"Oh..."
Charmy tilted his head and asked, "What's wrong?"
"Uh…nothing," Silver replied. Silver then remembered Vector being in the photo Espio lost the previous week. "Does he he know Vector?"
Charmy smiled brightly again. "Yep, he does! Vector's his brother."
"B-brother?!" Silver exclaimed, shocked. Then he frowned, still staring at Charmy in a daze. "Wait...so...you mean...Vector's your uncle?"
Charmy nodded happily. "Yeah."
"Oh…" Silver said, not knowing what else to say in that moment.
Silver then realized it explained so much. Why Vector and Charmy appeared in the photo with that crocodile couple and Espio. How Vector had gotten to know Charmy in the first place.
Then Silver remembered the crocodile lady he had seen leave with Charmy before, who was also in Espio's photo. Silver remembered Espio saying Charmy was visiting family after he mentioned her when he entered the Chaotix agency shortly after that. Since it was before Silver saw that photo, Silver figured she was one of Vector's relatives doing him a favor and didn't think much about it.
"Is that lady in the photo your mom?" Silver asked.
Charmy nodded eagerly again. "Yep, that's her."
"Do you...see her a lot?"
"Yeah, she visits here sometimes," Charmy replied. "Especially lately. She lives with Grandma and Grandpa now. I visit them sometimes too. They help with the twins too."
"The twins?"
"Oh yeah, these baby twin wolf babies started living with us. Back when I lived with Mommy and Daddy more. They said they took them in for Mommy's friend. I think they were considering adopting them if the friend doesn't come back. I know they were trained as…what is it called?" Charmy looked thoughtful for a moment as he tried to remember. His eyes lit up and he snapped his fingers. "Oh yeah, foster parents."
'Could that be how Espio met them?' Silver wondered. 'If Espio's mom left him and he didn't have a father he knew of, that would explain how they met. But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.'
"The twins might become my siblings, I think?" Charmy continued, oblivious to Silver being deep in thought a moment ago. "I dunno. Everyone seems to act like it. The twins stay with Mommy, Grandpa, and Grandma. Mommy let's me stay with Vector a lot. I miss her, but…the twins take a lot their time too."
Silver noticed Charmy looked troubled. "I imagine two infants keep that household busy."
"Yeah, I guess. I get that babies take a lot of work. I just wish they didn't take so much attention. I know Mommy is trying, but she's often busy with them too. They cry a lot."
Silver watched Charmy for a moment, thinking over what to say. As an only child in his current timeline, Silver lacked memories with siblings, outside of surrogate ones he had in friends. Due to his age, it would be understandable why Charmy would have a hard time adjusting to this sudden change in the dynamic family.
Silver patted Charmy on the head.
"I'm sure she loves you a lot," Silver said, giving reassuring smile. "She's probably just trying to manage. And they're lucky to have someone like you that's so understanding. It likely means so much to your mom too."
Charmy smiled at Silver softly while a few tears fell from his eyes.
Silver's heart clenched at seeing Charmy seeming sad, even if the worst of it seemed gone already. That was one thing not many gave Charmy credit. He bounced back from being sad easily.
"Yeah, I know," Charmy replied. "Thanks, Silver. I still got it good. I get to hang with Vector and Espio on cases and stuff. I'm even a detective. Kids at my class seem to think I'm making it up when I tell them, but I don't care. I even get to make a ton of noise here." Charmy noticed Silver was about to ask about what he said. "I have to be careful with waking up the babies when they sleep there. And Mommy always got startled by loud noises easily. It seems kinda mean to startle her. Daddy and Vector said she has something involving an…pie…ity?" Charmy thought hard over how to say the word.
It took a couple moments for Silver to process what Charmy said at the end. "Uh…you mean, 'anxiety'?"
Charmy pointed at Silver. "Yeah, that's it! So I try to save my noise for here."
Silver thoughtfully tapped his finger on his knee. "I noticed you're here a lot. Do you live with Vector most of the time?"
"Yep, but Vector says it's just until Mommy gets better."
"'Gets better'? Is she alright?"
Charmy frowned sadly. "I think so. Vector says it's because she got real sad when Daddy went to sleep. Said she needed time to 'get better', whatever that means. Said something about having to be treated at a hospital for sadness at some point. She's been getting a lot better he says. I hope that's true. Only reason Vector doesn't take the twins more often too is because Mommy already seems to feel guilty about me being here so much."
Silver blinked, processing all of what Charmy said and the meaning behind it. He decided to try one thing at a time.
"So your dad 'went to sleep'?" Silver asked. Silver dreaded to find out what he meant by that phrase.
"Yeah, at the hospital," Charmy replied.
Relief hit Silver when it wasn't quite as bad as he feared.
"He got hurt and has been sleeping since," Charmy continued. "Mommy and I sometimes visit him. She says he might be able to hear us. Grandma and Grandpa sometimes comes too. Vector and Espio tries to drop by when they can. Espio seems to get really sad whenever we leave after it, though."
"It seems you all care a lot about him," Silver replied. "How badly hurt was he?"
"I don't know. At first, he needed bandages, but he just looks like he's sleeping now. Just needs machines to help him breath. I was home with Mommy and the twins when Daddy got hurt. I'm not sure, but I think Daddy was out on a case. I don't remember where Vector and Espio were. Vector might have been going to college still."
"Vector went to college?" Silver asked, surprised again. He didn't consider Vector dumb or anything. He just wasn't sure if it was something Vector would be into.
"I think so, but he didn't finish. Don't know why. He might have been at classes when it happened? I don't remember. Espio…he…you know, now that I think about, I'm not sure where he was. By the time I woke up that day, they were both gone. I can't remember. Sorry."
A sudden cold dread hit Silver in the pit of his stomach. Silver worried if Espio was with Matrix when it happened. "Do you know what happened to your Dad?"
"Just what I told you. Mommy, Vector, or Espio would know more, but they don't like talking about it. In fact, Espio really doesn't like talking about it. I like to mess with Espio sometimes, but I don't want to push him too much. I don't like how sad he looks when I bring that up."
"Really," Silver replied with a slight nod, the feeling in his stomach worsening. "Do you know why they don't like talking about it?"
Charmy shook his head. "Nope. It all made Mommy really sad. I know Vector and Espio were really worried about her. Vector was afraid of leaving her alone for a while. Don't tell Vector I told you, but he seemed worried about Espio too, for some reason. Maybe it was because Espio seemed very sad too?"
Before Silver could ask more questions, Espio and Vector, carrying bags of groceries, could be seen through the living room window. There were a lot of grocery bags, so it was taking time for the duo to carry everything as they made their way to the agency's entrance.
Silver nervously glanced back at Charmy, already trying to think of ways to change the subject before they came in. To Silver's surprise, Charmy returned to his original spot on the floor, stashed the photo under his shirt, and started watching cartoons again. Charmy kept his gaze on the TV.
Vector slammed the door open with his tail as he carried the bags inside, chattering loudly to Espio.
"…nice the agency's been doing great," Vector said as he entered the front door, which led directly to the living room. "I can get used to getting this much stuff."
"I will admit it's nice to have a bigger grocery budget," Espio agreed with Vector.
Vector and Espio disappeared into the kitchen. Silver pretended to be watching TV with Charmy, doing his best to keep his expression straight. Espio and Vector went back outside to the car in the driveway to get more groceries, which gave Silver a break with forcing a neutral expression. Silver was thankful that Espio was too distracted to notice anything was amiss with him.
Silver tried acting natural when they returned again with groceries one more time.
Vector returned to the living room shortly after putting the last round of groceries on the kitchen floor, ready to be put away.
"Good news, Charmy," Vector said. "We got you some of that chocolate you like so much."
With a cheer, Charmy jumped into the air and flew into the kitchen like a bullet.
"Woah!" Vector said, following Charmy into the kitchen. "You need to still be good, though." As Vector retreated into the kitchen, his loud voice carried to the living room. "Not until after dinner!"
When Espio came out of the kitchen, Silver struggled to not show any signs of guilt. To avoid Espio's gaze, Silver kept staring at the TV.
"Thanks for watching him," Espio said, leaning against the doorway. "It's no wonder Vector wanted me to come. We were able to get plenty of groceries this time. Had to talk him out of getting too much junk food. We need to get healthy more."
Silver nodded, not looking at Espio. "No problem."
"We can spend time together in a bit." Espio glanced over his shoulder, seeing that Vector was doing his best to hold the large bag of chocolate out of Charmy's reach. It was difficult because the kid could fly around him, so Vector kept having to turn a lot. "I need to help Vector put some groceries away first."
Eager to help and be distracted from his and Charmy's earlier talk, Silver hurried into the kitchen, using his telekinesis to grab a bunch of bags of groceries. "Let me help."
Luckily for Silver, Charmy didn't mention their earlier discussion to the other Chaotix members the rest of the day.
Despite this, Silver still felt nervous every time Espio seemed to be giving him a thoughtful glance, wondering if Espio was scanning for any signs of deception. Espio was always difficult to fool but not impossible.
Any opinions on any lore in this chapter or previous chapters? Let me know.
I will admit this fanfic, including this chapter, has some lore from an upcoming longfic I'm working on. Part of why the planned chapter number changed more than once was because I debated how much of the lore to include here. No one has to read this fanfic or the upcoming longfic to understand what's going on in either. If anyone bothers to read the upcoming longfic, this fanfic is more of a bonus to it.