AN: Hey All! Hope you survived the last Chapter I know it was a bit rough but I promise there's a happy ending! That being said, I believe there will only be another ten or so chapters left before this story comes to it's end so bare with me as we finish this off. I may only post once a week as there is quite a bit of writing I need to finish up, but that means these next few chapter will likely be longer.

Enjoy this one and see you all next week!

Cheers!

The weather was in stark contrast with the collective mood of the late afternoon. The sun was warm and bright, shining strongly in the near cloudless blue sky. While the temperature around this time of year was usually on the cooler side, today had been an anomaly: the air was warm, with a delicate breeze that whispered lightly through whatever leaves we're still stubbornly hanging on to the branches of trees despite it being late autumn. The birds chittered happily away in the trees or on telephone wires, blissfully unaware of the somber mood Ellen was in. It was almost like the day had been made specifically to challenge her dull mood. It was almost perfect in every sense of the word. It was the kind of day Julie would have liked, a light reminder of the sweet summer that had come to pass before the bitter cold of winter slowly found its way back with the winter season. The thought made Ellen's chest tighten painfully.

She sat in the back seat of her parents car staring out the window but her mind was lost elsewhere. The car was filled with idle chatter, but she was deaf to it all. Even the sights out the window didn't register in her mind, just blurs of colour that shifted past her glazed eyes, wondering how such a small thing could make a huge change in her life. What would Christmas be like without her best friend? And birthdays? She had always thought Julie would be there at her wedding and she at hers. Would they have travelled together just the two of them? She wanted to shake the thoughts, the 'what if's' knowing they would be questions that she would now never get answers to. If only it were that easy.

It was near impossible to remain composed when Julie's parents had phoned her asking if she had seen her, maybe mentioned if she had gone out with another friend. Not only did it reopen the pain of her absence, but she had to lie to their faces, lie about her ignorance, and that only made the guilt and pain worse.

She thought she had already passed the hard part, pretending everything was fine until her parents gave her the news of Julie's death. After that point she could wallow in her misery. It seemed even Alastor let her wallow, unsure of what to do. She wasn't sure if she was disappointed or grateful. She'd spend days in bed barely leaving to eat. Alastor made an effort to 'stop by' regularly to check in on her. He even tried coaxing her to eat, but even his mothers famous jambalaya wasn't appetizing. That didn't stop him from pulling all the stops, cooking her favourites in hopes of getting her to eat. Each dish was a reminder of how much Julie had cared, telling Alastor everything she could to make sure Ellen was happy. If only it worked without the all consuming guilt attached to it.

Even the usual soft, comforting buzz that resonated from him didn't seem to help her either, her nights riddled with nightmares until she eventually succumbed to dreamless exhaustion. Most nights she would wake with a start, sweating through her pj's. She was always torn between flicking on her old radio to call Alastor to her and wanting to be alone, like she felt she deserved.

Everyone tried getting her to leave the house, get out and get some air, but after a particularly rough breakdown in a pet store, even Alastor concluded it was probably best she stay home for a bit. It didn't seem to matter what she did, she would only get buried deeper in a depressive state. Alastor hated dogs. Why the hell did she ask him to go with her to the pet store with her? He went because clearly she couldn't go alone; more guilt to add to the pile. She wasn't stupid, she could still hear the whispers through the house, both her parents voicing their concern and worry. Whispered conversations, and awkward silences that filled the room whenever she ventured from her room. It only made her feel worse.

A hand on her shoulder pulled her from her lost thoughts and she blinked a few times to realize that they had already parked. Her dad stood with the door open holding a hand out to help her up, a soft sorrowful smile on his face. She briefly wondered how long he had stood there calling out to her before giving up and reaching out to touch her shoulder.

She quickly unbuckled herself, accepting her dads help before straightening out the front of her black dress. Julie would have been appalled seeing her like this. She didn't wear dresses often, usually only when she went out on dates or they had planned a girls night to a nice restaurant. That and the fact it was in the colour black, a colour that was hard to find in her wardrobe. Julie would have made some witty retort about her 'dreary' look. The thought had tears seeping into her eyes.

She thought that was the worst of it, but it seemed she was wrong, because every second they got closer to the viewing the more anxious and guilty she felt. How was she supposed to face Julie's parents without her guilt swallowing her whole?

She followed her family wordlessly, already dreading every step she took forward. It was likely she would know most of the people here and for once, the thought wasn't comforting. She felt like an imposter showing her face, Julie was dead because of her and every face she walked past, greeted and wished condolences to, only added to her guilt. She didn't want to be there, but there was no way she couldn't.

She stood near the back of the room wishing both to be alone and to have someone to cling to. She wasn't ready for this; it was all too soon, too fast. How was she supposed to be here without being paranoid? If some one knew she was the reason for Julie's death she wouldn't even be able to pretend to deny it. It was like the 'Tell-Tale Heart' by Edgar Allen Poe, the weight of guilt feeling heavy, claustrophobic and suffocating.

A hand found itself wrapped around her shoulder but she remained still, eyes locked on the casket on the other side of the room.

She would have to approach it eventually, she wouldn't forgive herself if she didn't, but the thought of moving was a battle of its own. It seemed silly that this would be harder than the night Julie died. Seeing her friend dressed up and made to look alive, knowing it was all a ruse. That the rosy colour to her cheeks, the soft pale pink of her lips were a lie, a fabrication of her true self. No matter how well the makeup was done, that was all it was. But she knew the truth, knew how pale she was, what the wide unseeing eyes had looked like, she still saw it when she closed her eyes, a nightmare that would not leave.

And if all that wasn't bad enough, she still needed to find Julie's parents, face them after what she had seen, what she had done. It was no wonder her feet had refused to move, left at the back of the room to stare, almost frozen in a state of numbness, grief and panic.

"I will go with you if you wish."

She jumped, startled that the voice wasn't her dads, like she had assumed it was. She turned to find it was Alastor who had found her and placed his arm around her in an attempt to be some sort of comforting gesture, something to help keep her grounded.

It was strange seeing him without any of his signature colour. Instead dressed all in black except the dress shirt, in white. She wasn't sure why she thought he wouldn't come, maybe because death was an everyday thing in Hell and it would be silly to mourn considering they both knew of the afterlife. But she was glad he did come, a faint smile twitched to her face, the first in a long time, before she turned and pressed herself into his chest seeking a comfort she knew she could always find there.

Fingers gently carded through her hair but she barely noticed, her thoughts focused on trying to give her tear soaked and swollen eyes a rest before the inevitable waves to come. She was just grateful for the familiar smell and feel of clinging to Alastor. It would do better than any sort of words could at this point anyway.

"Ellen?"

She recognized the voice though she was a bit surprised to hear it. Based on the fact she could feel Alastor growl, it was likely she brought her boyfriend with her. She untangled herself from Alastor to find Katie.

Without a second thought she wrapped her arms around the other woman. They may not have been friends anymore, but there were some things that surpassed even hurt and betrayal. They could go back to being unfriendly after, right now they were in mutual solidarity, both lost in something greater than themselves.

There weren't many words exchanged, small talk and the occasional story shared of happier times, reminiscing of when problems were simple and life hadn't shown them its darker sides. But it wasn't long before she moved on and Ellen was left back to her thoughts, a place she didn't want to be.

A hand found its way intertwined with hers, a small, gentle squeeze reminding her she wasn't alone before it was let go. She turned and gave Alastor a small smile.

"Thank you for being here."

He gave her a light nod before gently turning her towards the room. She was going to ask but she quickly figured out why and her stomach sank. Approaching them was Julies' parents and they were beelining straight to her.

A fresh wave of tears filled her eyes, the panic and guilt almost drowning her. She tensed instantly and no amount of small circles being massaged into her back was easing the feeling. Alastor must have realized it wasn't helping because he leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"They are simply looking to ask you about a card they received. Wondering if you know who the sender is. Relax dear, it's alright."

One of her hands slipped behind her to take hold of one of his in a silent gesture of support. It didn't last long as Julie's mother threw her arms around her in a tight hug.

There was a bit of small talk, a light introduction of Alastor and shared sympathies before a card was pulled out.

"Ellen dear, would you happen to know if Julie had an admirer?"

A card was held out to her and she gently grabbed it, taking it out of the envelope.

She couldn't read the whole thing, only getting two or three sentences in before her hands started shaking, her stomach feeling sick and angry tears filling her eyes. Dolion was a sick, twisted asshole. She swallowed thickly trying to keep the angry growl down. He had handwritten a sympathy card of condolences for Julie's parents with a cheque for half a million dollars to help with all the costs for the funeral arrangements.

Of course he didn't sign his name, it was signed anonymously, that's why they were asking questions, but Ellen recognized the handwriting. The letter she had gotten from him for their first meeting she had inspected and probably memorized it well enough to duplicate. She folded the card up with the cheque, ready to put it back in the envelope not wanting to look at it any longer, afraid she may rip it up in anger at the sheer audacity of Dolion. Her hands paused her eyes catching something that instantly devolved her anger. On the back, very faintly was the indentation of a return address. She couldn't make it out for sure, but based on the format, it was definitely an address.

Thinking quickly she held the card out to Julie's father seeing as he had pockets and held on to the envelope. She forced a small smile hoping it wasn't obvious she had her teeth clenched.

"I'm afraid I don't know who it is, but they are very generous." She waved the envelope. "I'll throw this out for you." She was about to turn, but Alastor pulled it from her fingers.

"Allow me my dear." His look made it clear he knew her intentions. He probably saw the same thing she did. He politely excused himself, wishing the older couple his sympathies before turning on his heels. Leaving her alone to be with Julie's parents.

With her emotions now out of whack, Ellen decided it was best to wish Julie's parents her condolences, though the tears were relentless. 'Sorry for your loss' held so much more pain than she could express. She was sorry she didn't prevent Julie's death. It could have been avoided so easily, yet one small action, or lack of action, and her best friend was dead. She didn't know how many times she apologized to them, but it didn't feel like it was enough. She didn't think words would ever be enough to express her guilt. A guilt she couldn't even admit to.

She clung to them until Alastor gently pulled her off, allowing the couple to continue greeting others. He carefully directed her out into the hallway where he pulled a handkerchief from seemingly nowhere and offered it to her.

It took her a lot longer to get herself back to being somewhat composed, and Alastor never rushed her. He made no comment about her needing to get her emotions in check, hadn't the entire time now that she thought about it. It didn't seem to matter she could still hear the lightly scolding tone in her head, the sharp look of his eyes.

Of course she was a mess, how could she not be? And of course Alastor wouldn't chide her, not for something like this. No, instead he approached her with patience, gentleness and unwavering support. It made her chest hurt for a completely different reason.

She wasn't sure how many handkerchiefs Alastor had handed her, she definitely soaked more than one, before she had finally regained her lost composure and she remembered the envelope.

She glanced around looking for a quiet place to hide away for a bit, take a closer look at the envelope. It felt a bit surreal how many people had come to show support and offer their sympathies. There weren't many in the sea of faces she didn't know.

She pushed out a shuddering breath and worked her way around the building looking for a quiet place, occasionally being pulled aside by familiar faces.

Alastor suggested the bathroom was likely a good place to be undisturbed. Apparently there was one on the second floor that no one else knew about.

So with a hesitant but determined mind she snuck away upstairs after Alastor's shadow 'skillfully acquired' a pencil from the small office.

No one was upstairs at all, which made it perfect for her to get some much needed air, a break from the somber and heavy weight downstairs. She didn't know how long she stared at her red and swollen eyed reflection, but it was evidently long enough that Alastor had sent his shadow to check in on her. It was its soft chitters that brought her back from her mind.

She gave the shadow a sad smile. "Sorry." She hadn't intended on getting lost in her thoughts. It seemed she was doing that a lot lately.

The shadow wrapped itself around her in its own version of a hug and the corners of her mouth twitched up slightly. She could have sworn she felt its embrace.

With a stuttering breath she watched the shadow pull out the envelope and hand it to her where she placed it on the countertop. Her sniffles echoed loudly in the otherwise silent bathroom. She was mildly surprised that Alastor hadn't already done this, having ample time to while she was clung to Julies' parents.

The shadow took a look at what she had laid out before shifting to take the form of a person in a deerstalker hat with a magnifying glass. Ellen let out a small giggle at the sight.

"Yes, I suppose I am doing some detective work."

While she knew it wasn't the best trait, she knew she was nosey. A lot of the time it got her in trouble, but it did allow her to learn how to do this properly. Normally she had used this sort of thing to figure out what her parents had written down for groceries or phone numbers of their friends, nothing special. But one year she lucked out and managed to find her moms Christmas list meaning she knew exactly what she was getting.

She wore down one side of the pencil so it wouldn't be as sharp before she carefully shaded over the indentation. Her grin grew as she watched the numbers and letters appear as if by magic. Even Alastor's shadow seemed to enjoy it, its soft chitters getting more and more excited as more was revealed.

Once it was done she put the pencil down to take a look at her work. She had an address and it was the full address, clear as day. They knew where to find Dolion. She took a picture of it just in case, then handed it back to the shadow before leaving the bathroom feeling better than she had in awhile. This time when she faced Dolion she wasn't going to let him get away, she was going to kill him, for Xander, for Julie and for all the others he had tortured, killed and made deals with. She would kill him to protect the rest of mankind and for death.

This time she wasn't going to hesitate, this time she wasn't going to stutter. Dolion Tucker was going to find his demise by her hands and this time he wouldn't even know it was coming. They would have the element of surprise.

"You appear to be in better spirits. I presume you got what you were looking for?"

She smiled at Alastor, taking his arm as they made their way back down.

"I know exactly where to find him," she told him confidently.

Alastor full on stopped in his tracks. "What?"

"I have an address, and lucky for us, it's only a few hours drive."

He said nothing, but he didn't need to, she knew exactly what he was thinking.

"No, we're not going right now." She took a step away from him to make sure he didn't just take her and slip into shadow right there. "I want to make sure we're absolutely ready this time. Right now I need to see Julie and promise her vengeance. She didn't die in vain."

She linked her arm with Alastor's again making their way back down the stairs and back into the crowd.

For the first time since Julie died, Ellen was confident the soft hum of static from Alastor would lull her to sleep with no issues, her guilty conscience a bit more at ease with the recent discovery.

Tucker's days were counted. And while that thought was something that would have made her feel uneasy before, now it was a promise.