Based on a scene from 9-1-1:

Lucy catches a glimpse of what her mom and dad do when they think she's gone off to bed; she calls Connie to complain, and as a result, ALL the Varsity Ducks hear about it.

Mom and Dad Did What?

Lucy Orion was a very smart kid.

She was considered advanced for her age, nine; she would amaze her parents by reciting the Latin names of animals and listing off all sorts of fun facts about the animals that she saw at the zoo. Adam, Charlie, Linda, and Julie took her there all the time, and she always spouted off fun facts about all different kinds of birds and big cats and other creatures that she loved seeing at the zoo.

But there were times her intelligence horrified her parents.

She'd just been getting herself out of bed so that she could use the bathroom and get a drink of water for herself when she exited her bedroom and overheard something in the living room.

Yawning, she rolled out into the room and saw her mom and dad on the living room floor, Mom wearing one of her dad's North Stars alternate jerseys, and her dad wearing . . . Mom's scrubs that she wore when she'd been pregnant with baby Teddy?

"Where does it hurt?" Dad was asking Mom.

"Shoulder," her mother moaned lowly, and Lucy watched as her dad leaned down and kissed her mom's shoulder before lowering the jersey to lick at the bare skin.

"Anywhere else?"

"Oh . . . I think my . . . ooh, down there, Nurse!"

"I can fix that for you, dear." Lucy's eyes widened to twice their size as she noticed her mother was only wearing underwear underneath the jersey, and that she was leaning over the coffee table as Dad turned her over and spread her legs apart . . .

"What are you guys doing?" Lucy cried out, covering her eyes quickly, and her parents just as quickly sprung up, Mom looking to cover herself with a blanket while Dad turned hot red, looking flustered.

"What are you doing awake?" Dad demanded. "It's way past your bedtime, and don't you have a science test tomorrow?"

"It's history, Dad!" Lucy cried out, feeling her own face heat up profoundly. Granted, she knew her mom and dad didn't hide their affections, but she would never not be embarrassed by the moments she saw them kiss like Connie and Guy or Charlie and Linda did, like they were teenagers. Still, she'd never seen anything quite like this before. Ever. And she never wanted to see it ever again. "And I got up to use the bathroom and get some water!" she defended.

"Well, um, okay," Mom stammered. "But honey, I'll let you know that it is perfectly normal for couples to do this from time to time. Um, when Mom and Dad love each other very much, we tend to . . ."

"I think I know," Lucy said. "The school nurse talked to us about our . . . time of the month and what that means and what also could happen eventually and . . . you know what, I'm just gonna stop myself there and go get my water!"

"I will get it for you, honey." Dad quickly stepped out of the room, and that was when Lucy noticed he was wearing his boxers along with the maternity nursing scrub top.

"Okay, this is so embarrassing!" Lucy cried.

"For whom?" Mom asked, resting a hand on her hip. "Honey, it's our house, we pay the mortgage. And if your father and I want some time for us, it is perfectly well within our right to do so when you are asleep."

"Oh, my God!" Lucy shook her head as her dad returned with her cup of water. "You know what? Can I do something to erase this?"

"Unfortunately not, dear," Dad said.

"Okay, I'm going back to bed. Goodnight!" Lucy quickly rolled off to her room and shut the door behind her, shivering as she fought to forget what it was that she saw. She went over to her landline phone and contemplated who she should call at this hour, and decided that if she were to call anyone to complain about this, it would be another girl. She punched in a familiar phone number and held the receiver to her ear, listening as it rang.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Connie. So . . . something weird just happened."

"Hey, Jules, why the long face?" asked Connie the next day after a particularly rough Varsity practice; they were bathed in sweat. Ted had worked his kids to the bone as they were preparing for their next home game against the Hawks. Now, they were all panting hard and gulping down swigs of water. While he was proud of how they all had done, he could tell a few of them had gotten out of shape while on their summer break.

"I think Scooter and I might be breaking up," Julie said sadly.

"Really?" Ted thought Adam looked slightly eager at the thought, and even Charlie seemed to think so because he elbowed his alternate captain in the ribs, hard, to wipe that smile off his face, since Julie was clearly torn over this.

"I mean, that sucks, Jules. I'm sorry," Adam apologized.

"Sure, in the beginning, we tried making it work with him away at college, but lately, he's been cutting the conversation short, not telling me everything in his letters, and . . . it just feels like the end, like we're at that point where we cannot be together from a distance," Julie said.

Ted sighed. He had a feeling this would happen. Julie and Scooter were in the honeymoon stage for most of Julie's freshman and sophomore years at Eden Hall, but even he wouldn't lie if he said that he knew that this relationship with Scooter wouldn't go long-term, even though Holland was a good guy and had treated Julie well for their three years of dating. Still, hearing how despondent the Cat was, he didn't want her to feel like she had to give up on Scooter quite yet. Once again, he found himself feeling more like a dad to these kids than their coach –– the Ducks' nickname for him was "Papa Bear" for a reason.

"Look, Julie, here's the thing," Ted said sternly, looking at her with one of his "Dad" looks that he only reserved for his Ducks – he knew it was a look that they tended to respond to. "Communication is a big part of this. Breaking up is not inevitable. If you have your worries about you and Scooter drifting apart, talk to Scooter, tell him how you're feeling, find ways to reconnect, and if you can't reconnect, then settle for caring for one another from afar."

"Yeah, he's not lying, Jules," said Fulton, nodding.

"Oh, yeah," said Connie, shaking her head. "Coach knows of what he speaks."

Ted cast Connie an incredulous glance. "What are you talking about, Moreau?" Though he knew. And he instantly regretted having given the Ducks his home telephone number. Because that meant not only could they call him whenever they wanted to complain about their problems, but whenever Lucy had problems she felt she couldn't turn to her Mom and Dad for, she turned to the Ducks, whether it was issues with her latest little "boyfriend" Harris or drama with her friends; she argued it was because the Ducks got it and Connie and Julie were her go-to people to talk about "girl stuff" that she otherwise didn't want to discuss with her mom; Ted knew how badly Lucy used to yearn for an older sister when she was little, and now she had two big sisters.

It was sweet that Lucy felt she trusted Connie and Julie enough. But when she spilled details that Ted preferred to keep private, that was when it turned into a problem.

"Oh, your daughter may or may not have called me last night," said Connie. She turned her gaze to all her friends, who cast amused glances at Ted. "Apparently, Lucy walked in on him and Bella 'reconnecting' in the living room."

"Wait, what?" balked Charlie, eyes bulging as he went bright red in the face.

"Okay, that's a parental nightmare," laughed Luis. "Man, my abuela would eat that right up! It's like one of her telenovelas."

"I guess my daughter is scarred for life since she overshared and should not have told you that!" Ted said. "She and I are having a serious talk tonight."

"I mean, I wasn't aware that former NHL stars kept their gear," Connie said. "Or that your wife kept her nursing scrubs around for recreational purposes."

"That's just gross!" Fulton pulled a disgusted look and shook his head, and Charlie's face puckered like he'd swallowed a lemon as Portman, Luis, and Guy all started snickering.

"Wait, you were playing sexy hockey player, Coach?" laughed Averman, and Russ started humming Warrant's "Cherry Pie," which caused several of the others to go even redder in the face. Goldberg's face was so red, Ted thought the grinder might explode.

Ted relished in it, deciding to take advantage of some of his kids' embarrassment as he said, "Who said that I was the hockey player?" He winked at them, smirking, knowing that they'd catch on, and they knew from the looks on their faces.

"Ew!" cried out Julie, pretending to gag.

"Are you kidding me?" demanded Kenny, his own face going bright red in discomfiture just imagining what Ted and Bella did when they were alone.

"Aw, man! I don't wanna think about that!" Charlie complained, looking like he'd rather wash his eyes out with acid than picture Ted and Bella roleplaying nurse and hockey player in their living room –– Ted supposed Charlie was most uncomfortable of them all because he regarded Bella and Ted as his "other mom and dad." And he was probably thinking in his head, Wait, Mom and Dad did what? And it wasn't helped by all the other Ducks snickering at his embarrassment.

"Maybe this will teach her a lesson," sighed Ted.

"What lesson?" Charlie spluttered. "She still lives there!"

"But I pay the mortgage. I can do whatever I want. And I don't do drugs. I don't drink. I don't smoke. My wife and I just role-play. And if one of us gets bruised, we just say we fell," Ted said evenly.

"Too much information, Dad!" cried out Fulton, covering his eyes with his hands, and Julie somehow went even redder.

"You guys are gross!" Adam said. "I am never sitting in your living room ever again!"

"Yeah, we don't wanna imagine that you two do in there," said Guy, shaking his head.

"Then don't imagine it and go shower," Ted ordered. "You guys have this locker room to clean up and you've got homework to do."

"You should shower, you dirty dog!" laughed Russ. "Who knew someone so uptight could have it in him for something so naughty?"

"Russ, shut up!" Goldberg whined.