CHAPTER 26

It's been a few days since Voldemort declared that I must return to the manor more often, since he invaded my mind and made me question reality. I haven't had a chance yet to provoke him to prove one way or another whether everything my current perspective is real, but I'm still working on it. Severus doesn't know about my fear. No part of me wants to bring it up to him because it's so hard to explain to him why I'm so afraid of this. I've been going to his quarters basically every other night since the torture—leaving the Slytherin Dungeon late after curfew and sneaking back in before breakfast—and I still haven't been able to muster the courage to admit my fear to him. It seems like questioning reality is not an issue one should bring up with others if it can be avoided, especially if one has previously had one's memories and reality completely rewritten.

These thoughts are thrown into the back of my mind as I step into Amycus Carrow's Defense Against the Dark Arts—well, just Dark Arts—classroom, but fears of this all being a dream will no doubt resurface the minute this class is over, as these fears are the main thoughts consuming me in general now. Entering the classroom, I know immediately that today will not be a good lesson. His smile is too wide—this expression sends a spear of ice to my heart—and the desks and their chairs are gone. I stand near the door with Daphne, and she grimaces at me. "You feel it too? That something bad's gonna happen?" she whispers. I nod but don't take my eyes off Amycus, hatred burning just beneath my skin at the sight of him, the memory of his hands around my neck, his dream of making me his slave. This man is repugnant, and temptation to harm him worms its way through my thoughts. One day, I promise myself, one day, I'll make him suffer.

Once all of the students have gathered into the room, the door slams shut seemingly of its own accord. No doubt Amycus just wanted to be dramatic and cause a loud, unwanted noise to startle some of us into paying attention. It seems to have worked on some of the Slytherins and the Gryffindors—a few students from each House look at Amycus with rapt attention.

"Good afternoon, students," he greets us, his sneering smile making me even more uncomfortable. "You are surely wondering where your desks have gone. You needn't worry. They will not be used today." Theodore Nott crosses his arms, his eyes unamused and uninterested in whatever Amycus might have decided to teach today, and I find myself pitying him. Has he been friendless and alone the whole time here at Hogwarts? "Rather, today we will be learning one of my favorite curses. Fiendfyre."

I swallow thickly, uncomfortable with the thought of experiencing this spell again. One of the first times I ever saw it, felt it, was when one of Amycus's fellow Death Eaters tried to kill me when I was just a child. The idea of watching this curse happen here at the castle makes me feel more unsafe within these walls than ever.

"Fiendfyre is a dark curse that creates a living fire," Amycus says, his eyes landing on me. Does he know? Does he know what his fellow Death Eaters did? Is that why he's smirking at me?

I glance over at Neville, his jaw set with determination, his arms crossed in defiance. He certainly will not perform the curse if Amycus tries to make him. Part of me hopes Amycus calls upon Neville just so I can see the fallout because maybe that will postpone this lesson to a day I can skip. Neville is far braver than most students among the group right now—most of them just watch with a sort of wariness, as if they're reluctant to perform the curse but unwilling to put up a fight about it due to the risk of a heinous detention.

It's only when Amycus says, "Do we have any volunteers?" that I realize I haven't been paying attention to a single thing the Death Eater has been saying. I force myself to focus once more. "Ah, we do. Miss Bulstrode, if you would step forward for me."

Millicent steps forward, Pansy and Tracey whispering encouragements to her as if she actually needs any encouragement to do this. She's probably just as excited about it as Crabbe seems to be. A broad smile on her face, she walks to Amycus's side. I glance over at Daphne, who frowns back at me. Neither of us wants to be here.

In the middle of the room, Amycus shows Millicent how to move her wand for the best, most efficient fire she can create. With any luck she'll be just as bad at the Dark Arts as I was at Astronomy.

But when she shouts the incantation, waving her wand perfectly with how Amycus just showed her, I know that I'm not a lucky person. The fire bursts from the tip of her wand and begins lurking around the room, searching for its victims. It screeches—or at least sounds like it screeches—as it approaches the group of Gryffindors near Neville. "No need to be frightened," Amycus laughs at their recoiling and sharp gasps, "I have placed spells to prevent it from killing any one of you."

When the fire can't reach the Gryffindors, it approaches the back wall where I stand with Daphne. Instinctively, I take her hand, squeezing it tightly as the fire comes at me. I close my eyes. The heat brushes against my face, taking my breath away.

I'm curled up on the carpeted floor of an unfamiliar, empty living room, my head resting on my relatively empty rucksack. I'm cold, shivering, but have nothing with which to cover myself. Somewhere in the distance, glass shatters, and my eyes fly open. There is only darkness, a darkness that reaches out to me and consumes, blinding me from whatever approaches me. Footsteps. Those are footsteps growing closer. I clench my fists, unsure whether I should stand and run or hope the intruder doesn't see me and leaves.

"Charlotte," a kind voice coos, "I know you're in here. I don't want to hurt you. Just come out for a moment, will you? I know someone who wants to meet you." Around the corner from the kitchen, a light steadily grows larger as someone approaches me. As quietly as I can, I push to my feet and pull my bag onto my back. I should run, I know I should run. So why am I not running? "Charlotte, you can have a family."

A family. All I've ever wanted is a family. I had one in Mrs. Stoico, but she's gone now. For almost six months, I've been completely alone. Now I'm being offered a family. It'd be foolish of me to turn that down. I need someone to look after me because I can't do this by myself anymore, it's too hard. It's too hard. I don't want to live like this anymore. I just want a mum to hold me in her arms and tell me I'm safe, I'm fine, I'm loved.

I start walking toward his light. "A . . . a family?" I whisper. "With a mum and everything?"

He turns the corner and smiles warmly. "Ah, there you are." He sounds genuinely happy to see me, and his tone makes me smile back at him. "Come with me." He reaches out his hand, and I stare at it, wary. "I won't hurt you, Charlotte."

"I can have a family?" I ask quietly, actually letting myself begin to feel hope for the first time in what seems like forever.

"Yes, you can have a family." He crouches down to my eye level and smiles at me. "You'll have a mum"—my eyes start watering—"and a dad and even have a brother."

"A brother?"

He nods. "Yeah. A brother."

"Will he hurt me?"

He frowns. "No, his mother would never allow that."

"Then I'd like a brother."

I accept his hand, and he stands back up. "And I'm sure he'd like to have a sister. He's an only child right now. And I'm positive his mother would love to have a little girl of her own. She grew up with two sisters, you know." I can have a mother. A real mother. After losing Mrs. Stoico, I can have an actual mother. I grin up at him. "She's been looking everywhere for you. She's worried about you. She knew Mrs. Stoico."

"What's her name?"

"Nar—"

"Oi!" an angry voice shouts from behind us. The man holding my hand pushes me behind him and raises his wand in the direction of the voice. "You won't be taking her anywhere!"

"You don't have to do this," the man protecting me says. "She doesn't have to be locked away."

"Oh, she won't be," the other man growl. "She'll be dead. I can't let the Dark Lord get her, and this is the only way!" He whips out his wand. "Avada Kedavra!"

The kind man tackles me to the floor, knocking the wind out of me. I gasp for breath, unable to get myself off the floor. "Confringo!" A small fire bursts to life on the floor in front of the attacker.

"I'll teach you a thing or two about fire," the man says. He whispers something, and dragons made of flames begin circling the room, hunting for their prey, for me and the man trying to help me.

My protector pulls me to my feet. "Run!" he shouts. He pushes me along in front of me, but the heat follows us, lapping at the back of my head, stinging my exposed skin. "Run!"

I burst through a door and run far into a backyard before I fall down, still trying to catch my breath properly. Lying on the cool grass I watch the door, pleading for the kind man to reemerge. My breaths are ragged as I wait there for the man who was going to give me a family. Finally, I begin to recuperate and push myself back to my feet. Flames lap at the house, and after waiting what feels like years, I realize the kind man will never be returning. I run off again.

I gasp awake, my arms itching and stinging from where the fire once lapped at me. "Calm down, calm down," a soothing voice commands. A kind hand rests on my shoulder. Coughing, I force open my eyes, but they're cloudy with tears—not of sadness, I realize, but from something else. From some sort of pain that I can't pin down. "Miss Rodgers, you're in the hospital wing."

"What—what happened?" I breathe.

"Drink this." I expect a potion and am surprised when I realize that it's just water. She helps me sit up straight. "How are you feeling?"

"Not good. What happened?"

"The fire in the Carrow brother's class got out of hand. You passed out." I close my eyes, ashamed. "Miss Greengrass says you would have been badly burnt if Mr. Nott hadn't acted as quickly as he did."

Amycus probably planned for me to be hurt in his class today. If he can't torture me outside of class without Voldemort finding out, then he'll probably keep finding clever ways to try to harm me that could still make him appear innocent if questioned about it. "I guess I've just been weak lately."

"Have you been eating?"

"Yes. A lot, actually." I rest the cup of water in my lap. "I guess . . . I guess I just passed out because of the . . . the memories I associate with Fiendfyre. I'll be okay."

Madam Pomfrey looks less than convinced, but she doesn't comment, for which I will forever be grateful. "Drink this." She hands me a potion. "It'll help you get your strength back." I chug the potion and immediately feel better. At that moment, a little house-elf arrives with a small tray of sandwiches and some water. "Eat this, and you can leave."

I pick up a sandwich. "What time is it?"

"After curfew, I'm afraid. Once you finish eating, you'll need to go straight back to the dungeons."

I eat as quickly as possible without getting choked or making myself nauseous, and as soon after finishing two sandwiches, I throw my legs over the side of the bed and stand to my feet and begin walking out of the hospital wing, my strength rising with each step that I take, frustrated and embarrassed to have passed out in class like that. If I explain to Severus what happened in class, would he be able to punish Amycus discreetly? Part of me sincerely hopes so because I know—I know—Amycus had to have done that on purpose. Either that or I'll tell my mother when I get to the manor for the Easter holiday. I doubt she'll be too thrilled to hear that Amycus tried again to harm me.

I slide my hand into my pocket and feel a piece of paper that absolutely was not there earlier. I pull it out and smile at the familiar handwriting. Severus. He wants me to come to his quarters at midnight tonight. Though I'm happy to be able to see him and to tell him what Amycus has done to me, I'm really sleepy, and sneaking through the castle is not high on the list of things that would be nice to do tonight.

When I reach the common room, Ella rushes to me and throws her arms around me. "I was so worried!" she exclaims, squeezing me tightly.

"I'm fine," I say, patting her back. "I'm just really weak right now."

"Madam Pomfrey wouldn't let us stay in the hospital wing past curfew."

"That's fine."

"Come sit down."

"I'll be there in a second." I scan the common room but don't see Theodore, so I walk to the stairs leading to boys' dormitory and start climbing them. I knock on the seventh-year boys' door and enter when I receive a confused call to open it. Theodore sits on his bed, reading. "I don't know what you did in Carrow's class today, but I wanted to thank you."

"Can't have the Dark Lord's favorite young witch being killed by that shit teacher, can we?" he asks, glancing up at me. "If you feel the need to smash your anger away, you know where to find me. Or you can go alone. You're clearly talented enough to Conjure up some breakable victims for yourself."

"Did the fire seem targeted to you?"

He furrows his brow. "Explain."

"Did it look to outsiders that Carrow set that up to harm me?"

He sets the book down, becoming much more interested in the conversation than he was a minute ago. "You mean to ask me if I think Carrow, the Death Eater, did something to harm someone under the direct protection of the Dark Lord himself?"

"That's exactly what I'm asking you."

"And why would he do that?"

"Because I haven't been a very good spy for him and because I got him tortured earlier for harming me. Please just answer the question."

Theodore watches me for a few seconds. "While it's possible, it certainly didn't seem completely planned, but he also didn't look too bothered or upset when the fire tried to get you. The fact that he wasn't concerned about someone under the Dark Lord's protection seems very dangerous though. I'd watch your back if I were you. You can't trust Death Eaters, you know. None of them are any good."

I think for a brief moment of Rabastan and Rodolphus and, most importantly, Severus.

"You disagree," he says. "You think some are trustworthy. What I wouldn't give to hear who it is and why, Rodgers."

"I can't share that with you."

"Be surprising if you could." He picks his book back up. "Perhaps one day when this is all over, you'll be free to tell me. Anyway, you know where to find me if you want to go break something."

This makes me smile. "Thank you."

"Sure."

I head back down to the common room and take a seat among my friends. "How are you, Charlotte?" Christopher asks me.

"Exhausted. Everything wears me out. I'm so tired." I bring my legs under myself. "And yourself?"

"Better now that you're here, actually. We were worried sick."

"I'm fine."

"Do you have plans for Easter?" Julia asks.

My mind flashes to Bellatrix. "Yeah, actually. I'm getting out of Hogwarts for a few days. Do you?"

"Going home," Julia says.

Only Christopher and Julia will be leaving Hogwarts for the holiday, and they launch into what they plan to do with their families while they're away from the Death Eaters who are here at the castle. I can't help but wonder what Bellatrix has in store for us. Will it be like that Christmas we spent together? Will it be like my birthday?

Eventually, Jacob and Christopher drift upstairs, stating that they're going to bed. Julia and Ella soon follow. When it's just the Greengrass sisters and myself left, I tell them that I have to sneak out of the common room. They're so used to this by now that they nod and don't say a word as I step into the stairwell and cast the Disillusionment Charm over myself. They even open the door for me to give me some sort of cover.

I sigh with relief when I reach the bathroom and Apparate to Severus's chambers, but nothing compares to the feeling that encompasses me when I sit down on his sofa and close my eyes. I only open them again when the door closes behind him. "He tried to kill me, Severus. I can't prove it, but I know it."

He sits down beside me. "I know."

"Will the Dark Lord find out?"

"No, but I'll make sure it doesn't happen again." I lean against him. "That isn't why I called you here." I look up at him, silently telling him to continue. "I just heard that you'll for sure be spending the Easter holiday with your mother."

"I know, I should have told you, and I'm sorry. I was . . . distracted." I close my eyes and take a breath. His muscles are tense, and I pull away just enough to look up at him. "What's the matter?"

"I dislike her influence on you and the way she treats you, and I don't think it's the best idea for her to continue trying to make you believe that she's going to help you. I don't trust her."

"I know you don't. And I know how much faith to put into her. Not much, obviously. But . . . I kind of like . . . having a mother." I think about that man who wanted to help me find a mother when I was a child. "I don't know, Severus. I won't let myself become too attached to her, but I need to go. I need to do this."

"I know. Just . . . be careful." His eyes scan up and down my face. "So, your visit to the hospital wing went well?"

"Pomfrey just told me to eat more"—he smirks at that, and I frown at him for a second—"and she gave me a potion to help me gain my strength. How did you sneak in there, by the way? To slip the note into my pocket?"

"I'm the headmaster. I know how to move around the castle without people seeing me." His eyes still watch me curiously. "Is that all Pomfrey said? Eat more and drink a potion?"

"Yeah, were you expecting her to say anything else?"

"I'm not sure; that's why I asked." He wants to know something. He stands and pulls me to my feet. "All right then. You're sleepy, you should go back to your nice warm bed and go to sleep. You need your rest."

"It's late, Severus. Why don't I rest in here?"

He grins, then places a lingering kiss to my forehead. "You need to rest."

"We can go right to sleep."

"You can sleep longer in the dorm because you won't have to wake up early and sneak back into the dungeons." I sigh. He's right, of course, but I don't want to admit it. "You can visit me when you return from your holiday."

"I'm not leaving until the day after tomorrow. Are you saying you're planning to bar me from your quarters even tomorrow?"

"You need to rest."

"So you called me all the way up here—"

"To ensure you were fine," he says. "And you are. And now you need to go rest."

I raise myself to my tiptoes and capture his lips with mine, sliding my tongue into his mouth and swelling a bit with pride when his arms circle around my waist and pull me closer to him. It takes very little effort to back him toward the sofa, a groan coming from deep in his throat as he lowers himself to the cushion and I crawl onto his lap. Suddenly, his lips stop moving, and his hands shift to my ribcage to push me away gently. "Charlotte," he breathes, "you need to rest."

"C'mon, Severus, I'm fine," I say, trailing my hand down his chest and toward waist. He grabs my wrist before I can even reach his naval, and I thump my head into his shoulder, huffing his name again. "I'm fine."

"You're not going to change my mind by trying to seduce me. You need to rest."

"Even if I stripped naked and crawled into your bed?"

He closes his eyes and exhales heavily. "Even then. You need to rest."

I press a quick kiss to his lips, conceding, then crawl off of him and stand up. "I'll see you when I get back from the holiday?"

"Yes."

I smile at him, then Apparate to the second-floor girls' bathroom.

Nothing and no one disturb me as I make my way down to the Slytherin Dungeon, but that doesn't last very long. As soon as I step into the common room, none other than Pansy Parkinson stands up from one of the chairs and walks toward me. "Charlotte," she says. "We need to talk."

"Oh, I really don't think we do."

She takes me by the arm and ushers me out of the common room, but I'm simply too tired to put up any fight about it. Severus probably would have let me stay had he known I'd be accosted in the dungeons. "Goyle says he saw you speaking with the Carrows about the D.A.; don't lie."

"That's very interesting for him."

"I just want to know what's going on."

"Why—"

"The Carrows are becoming . . . too much. They've even lost their tempers with me and Crabbe. I just want to know if you're trying to get them out of Hogwarts. I won't help the D.A., but if you're helping them get rid of the Carrows . . ."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're gone a lot. I just wonder if it has something to do with that stupid army."

"I'm not—"

"Don't lie, Charlotte. I know you leave Hogwarts. If it has anything to do with getting rid of the Carrows, I'd like to be in on it."

"First of all, it has nothing to do with the D.A.; second of all, they'd never let you in. And also, I don't leave the castle anymore."

"Then why do you so often go into Snape's office?"

"You think I like to do that? I'm a student, and as a student, other students are less likely to be close-lipped around me. The Carrows can only hear so much, and what they don't learn, I am expected to fill in. If I don't, they've threatened to harm those I love."

"You're an orphan. What loved ones do you even have?"

I grimace at her. "Enough to be able to leverage against me."

Her face blatantly tells me that she does not believe me, but so long as I'm here at Hogwarts, that's the only story she'll ever know.