Wow I was very surprised by all the reviews and am so happy that so many of you are invested in this story, and that new people are still popping up. And that there are fan girls :)
I know I left it on a total cliff hanger and I am totally going to throw my hubby under the bus here, as he is the reason I am so late posting this new chapter. It was mostly done just after I posted the last one but I had typed it on his laptop and he erased it on me! It took me awhile to write it all again (I had a tough time with this one). So if anyone is going to lead an angry mob to my front door (234SimplyLovely) please send them for him.
Well now that I shifted all the blame here is the rewritten chapter. Please continue to review it means alot to me to hear what you have to say.
"You don't remember me?" I asked, my stomach sinking quickly.
"I'm sorry," he said as he looked quizzically at me. "I don't know who you are. Where is my brother, Kyle?"
I pulled back from him - in shock - passing through the sunlight coming in from the skylights above us. I realized what a mistake that was as the reflection of light hit his face.
His body reacted immediately; his arms pushing him up into a sitting position so quickly that the cot jolted my chair knocking me back onto the hard floor. I never broke eye contact with him, taking in all the emotions as they flashed through his eyes – shock, pain, fear, panic and finally anger.
I cold chill ran down my spine as I lay on the floor staring up at him in the cot, the look of hatred unmistakable in his features. I backed away from him slowly – using my hands to pull my body across the floor – quickly finding myself out of space with my back against the wall.
I watched him in silence as he slowly swung his legs over the side of the cot. Shakily he got to his feet taking a few deliberate steps towards me. On the third step his body started to tilt to the side and he had to use Doc's desk to steady himself. Instinctively I reached towards him, pushing myself up off the ground.
"Are you okay?" I asked reaching for his arm. He was pushing himself too hard and I couldn't stand to see him in pain. His arm jerked away from me and I froze with my arm outstretched towards him. A strange ache spread across my chest.
"Don't touch me." His voice was cold and distant.
I backed myself into the cave wall once again, this time standing with my hands pressed against the hard rock.
I watched as Ian steadied himself before turning his focus back to me. He closed the space between us in three strides, cringing with every step. I held my breath when he stopped in front of me. He was only inches from me; his warm breath blew a strand of hair across my face but I couldn't lift my arms to move it. I was frozen to the wall.
He stared into my eyes, searching for something. I could feel body shaking in fear. It was wrong to feel this way about Ian. I wanted to shrink away from him but at the same time I wanted to reach out and touch him. My body was being torn between different impulses but I fought them all and forced myself to be a still as possible. Just stay still long enough for Kyle to get back with Doc, I reassured myself. He will know what to do. Odd to think of Kyle as rescuing me from Ian…
Out of the corner of my eye I could see Ian's arm lifting slowly, reaching towards me. I recognized the routine gesture before his hand was halfway to my face, the stray hair still blown across it. He had been tucking my hair out of my face since the first day I was placed in this host. A small spark of hope lit inside of me but was quickly put out when his hand came into his line of sight. His face once again contorted into one more closely resembling Kyle's than his own. His hand quickly adjusted its course, turning a tender gesture into a violent act, one that I was unfortunately familiar with just as well.
His large hand wrapped around my small neck. His fingers were long enough to almost overlap but stopped just short of touching my scar. I sucked in a deep breath before his hand was tight enough to cut off my air flow.
"What did you do to my family and friends?" He demanded.
"I would never do anything to harm them." I croaked out in barely a whisper. I could feel the pressure building in the head. "They'll be here soon… you can see they are safe…"
My comment only angered him further, his face turning red and the veins on his neck bulging. "You're lying. You must be. That's what they train you to do."
His brought his other hand up wrapping around my neck. My mind was still trying to wrap around the thought of these hands hurting me once again. He lifted my body so my feet could no longer touch the ground beneath me. I squirmed in his grip, my feet flailing in the air as my hands tried to no avail to loosen his grip, unable to actually claw at him. I could not even scratch him to save my own life.
He sucked in a sharp breath at the movement on his left side and I remembered he injured ribs. I couldn't bear the pained look on his face. Fighting my body's natural instincts for survival I forced myself to be still – only my hands remained on his trying to pull his hands away just enough to stop the crushing of my windpipe.
I knew there was nothing I could say and I didn't think I would be able to even if I wanted to. My throat was now on fire and black spots were clouding my sight. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold on much longer but I had to try. For Ian I would hold on. If he did remember me, this would destroy him. I had to be strong for him.
His hands tightened to the point that I thought he would crush me in my true form. My body jerked violently by its own accord. His face cringed as the pain in his ribs worsened due to my movements once again. Ian had to adjust his grip slightly to compensate for his weaker side, giving me just enough freedom to pull in a quick breath.
"Ian," I choked out. His arms were shaking as his hands tightened once again around my neck. I could tell this was hurting him – that he was pushing his body too hard. "Please stop… you're hurting yourself…"
Confusion flashed in his eyes as his grip loosened slightly from my neck, but it was too late. My eyes were barely able to focus on his angered face only inches in front of my own. I could feel everything starting to slip away, the sensation of falling overtaking me.
There was a rush of air in front of me and I was shocked by the sudden impact of my feet on the hard floor. My knees were too weak to support my weight and I was quickly crumpled on the hard ground, desperately sucking in large gulps of air.
Once I could feel the air filling my lungs I lifted my head and searched for Ian. I didn't get far, realizing quickly that there was a large body blocking my view.
Kyle stood with his back to me and his arms in front of him with his palms up. "What are you doing bro?"
Ian leaned against Docs desk, one arm wrapped around his ribs the other searching the desk for something. His hands wrapped around something and he stood up from the desk, ignoring the pain I am sure he must have felt he raised his arm and aimed the item at Kyle. Kyle adjusted his stance, now blocking me completely from Ian.
I could hear the click of the flashlight and with that single sound I knew what he was doing.
"I'm still me," Kyle said knocking on his head lightly. "Only one voice in this head."
Kyle reached towards his brother. "You need to get back in the cot or Docs gonna have Jeb shoot me when he gets here."
Ian brushed Kyle's hand aside, pointing at me. "If Jeb is going to aim that gun at anything he should aim at it."
"You hit your head hard bro," Kyle explained, trying to lead Ian away from me and back to the cot. "Wanda is one of us. She's the one who saved your ass."
Ian's jaw dropped as he looked at his brother. "And you believe it's actions were for our benefit? That it's not going to lead all its seeker buddies here as soon as we turn our backs?" Ian shook his head. "I think you're the one who hit your head."
"Ian you have to believe me," Kyle said his hands now on Ian's shoulders physically moving him to the cot. "Wanda only wants us all to be safe and happy. If she didn't get us the soul medication to use on you…"
He was unable to finish his thought out loud but I knew how it ended - with a thought I knew I wouldn't be able to say either – but it was enough to have an effect on Ian. He shrugged Kyle's hand off his shoulder and looked at him with a pained expression.
"You let it use their medication on me?" His voice was filled with shock.
Ian raised his arms as Kyle tensed on the balls of his feet, ready for an impact that didn't come. Instead Ian slowly – but deliberately – reached his hands behind his head running his fingers down the back of it to his hair line.
I took in the look on his face as the emotions changed. I couldn't put to words what I saw in his eyes as his fingers traced the thin pink line that Doc had placed on the back of his neck.
Kyle raised his hands defensively as Ian lunged forward. He pushed past Kyle and reached for something on Doc's desk. The silver metal objects shimmered in the sunlight on Docs desk and as my brain processed what he was doing my body suddenly leap into action. I knew he wouldn't let himself be taken over. I flung myself across the desk, pushing the object onto the ground; the clattering of metal against the rock echoing through the silent room.
Spinning my body around I found myself once again face to face with Ian, anger etched across his face. His arm rose and I gripped the edge of the desk, bracing for the pain.
Kyle was quicker than Ian and had his arms wrapped around Ian's shoulders and chest before he could land the blow. Apparently no longer concerned with injuring Ian further, Kyle dragged him across the floor and flung him down onto the cot. Kyle threw one leg over Ian, straddling the cot, holding down Ian's legs with his own body weight. His hand went straight to Ian's shoulder's and I could see the muscles in his arms flexing as he pushed down on him.
"Be careful Kyle," I squeaked out. "Please don't hurt him."
"See, you dolt. She is not trying to hurt you." Kyle said to his brother.
"What did they do to you?" Ian asked him as he was pinned to the cot. "How did it trick you?"
I couldn't bear the anger coming from Ian, it was buzzing in the room. I slid my body to the floor, the cool rock comforting in the moment. It was then that I noticed the stinging pain in my palm. I turned my hand up and saw the blood coming out of the thin line that ran across my hand. I hadn't noticed when the scalpel cut through me before falling to the floor.
I turned my head to find something to stop the blood flow but stopped as a tan hand reached for mine.
"What happened?" Melanie asked as she knelt on the ground in front of me. She turned to ask for something but was handed what she needed before she even uttered a word. Doc stood over her ready to take over. I shook my head at him and looked towards Ian instead. He just nodded and moved towards the cot.
"I cut myself." I explained as Mel dripped the heal into my wound, before sealing it completely.
Before she could ask anything for more details we were interrupted by Ian's booming voice. "It's the other one. The one from the desert!"
"That's Mel," Kyle explained, his voice now rising to meet the level of Ian's. "She's human."
"It lies. I saw it with my own two eyes." The cot creaked under the weight of the two of them as Ian tried to free himself from Kyle's grip.
I turned my head into Melanie's shoulder to hide myself from the struggle between the two brothers. I felt a warm arm wrap around my shoulder from the other side. I didn't need to look up to know who it belonged to – I still recognized his smell.
"Let's get her out of here," Jared whispered to Mel over my head. "She shouldn't have to go through this."
Before I could say a word they began to lead me towards the dark hallway, my small body shielded from the image of Ian struggling with Kyle on the cot.
"I see it got to you too Howe." Ian spit out.
"I can't leave him..." I pleaded with them. "I need to know that he will be okay."
I looked around Jared – daring to meet those sapphire eyes that held me to this planet.
Ian looked over Kyle's shoulder, his eyes meeting mine. "It is a tricky bugger," he spit out. "It even pretended to worry about me hurting myself. Get it out, I don't want it here."
Hearing those words come from Ian felt like I took a blow in the stomach, my body physically jerked in response. Kyle and Doc both turned towards me with a sympathetic look before focusing back on Ian. It was the last clear image I could see before the tears blurred my vision and I was escorted out of the room by Mel and Jared.
"Of course she's worried about you, you idiot." I could hear Kyle exclaim from the hall. "She's your damn girlfriend!"
We didn't go far; standing in the dark hallway just out of sight of the room. My feet stopped me from going any further. I slid from under their arms down the rock wall resting on the ground with my knees under my chin. I could hear Melanie slid down beside me, although I could not see her, her hand stopping to rest on my arm.
Jared's feet shifted in the darkness, his shoes scraping lightly against the rough floor, very uncharacteristic for Jared to be so loud.
"Jared, why don't you go check on Ian for Wanda?" Melanie suggested, his noise not going unnoticed by her either.
"Your right, Doc may need help." Jared agreed, his feet now silent with a new found purpose.
"He is uncomfortable we he doesn't know what to do or say," Melanie explained. "He doesn't know that sometimes doing - or saying - nothing is the only thing to do."
I didn't respond nor did Melanie expect me too. We just fell into silence. Waiting for the sound of answers coming down the corridor.
I don't know how much time passed as we sat there.
Jeb was the first one to come down the corridor. I didn't look up when the blue light came closer to us. Just stared at the ground until his feet came into my view. They paused briefly but moved away quickly without a word being said, whether it was Melanie's doing or just Jeb's perceptive nature, I was not sure. He left the light on ground across from us before he left.
Others followed, both coming and going from Doc's office. The smell of food attached to some of them. I knew then that hours had passed. A plate of food sat on the ground beside Mel, but neither of us had touched it. It meant a lot to have her presence beside me, it comforted me in a some small way but I couldn't open my mouth to express that.
A pair of feet stopped in front of us. I hadn't heard their approach so it was not a surprise when Jared knelt down and extended his hand out to me. "Doc is on his way to talk to you."
I reached out and took his hand, it was warm as it wrapped around mine but it no longer held the fire it once had. He helped me to my feet, my knees weak from sitting in one position for too long. Mel's joints popped as she stretched beside me.
"Does he know what's wrong with him?" Melanie asked Jared, speaking quietly in the hall.
Jared picked up the light Jeb had left earlier, face was a careful mask that I couldn't read in the dulling blue light. "I'll let him explain."
I could hear Doc approach before he appeared in the circle of light we waited in. I could see the stress in his expression. He always shared his patient's pain, almost like he hoped that if he did he could take some of it away from them.
"First I should say that he is going to be okay," It felt like a huge weight actually lifted from my shoulders. "I was able to heal his wounds more effectively with him awake, so physically he will be back to normal in a couple of days…." He paused like he didn't know what to say after that. It didn't matter to me. All I could think of was that he was okay.
"I think you should just give it to them straight Doc." Jared said, sharing a look with Doc.
"Ian has what I believe is a case of Lacunar Amnesia." Doc said running his hand through his hair.
"What's that mean?" Mel asked, voicing the same thought that ran through my mind.
"It's the loss of memory about one specific event, usually a traumatic event. It leaves a gap in the record of memory," Doc explained. "You probably saw it in movies or books, but referred to as selective amnesia."
"So he only remembers certain things?" Mel asked. "Can you tell what memories are missing?"
Doc looked at me before answering. "The last thing he seems to remember is bringing Melanie back from the desert the night that we first found her. Only Melanie as a soul."
I sucked in a sharp breath, which burned my raw throat. "He doesn't remember me…. at all…" I whispered; my voice strained both physically and emotionally. My chest hurt with an emptiness I hadn't experienced.
"Will he get his memories back?" Mel again.
"I don't know," Doc said honestly. "I think if we remind him of the things he can't remember then it would help. Having Wanda around him may help him register who she is and what she means to him as well."
Doc held the light up close to my face, an angry hiss coming from both Mel and Jared as my neck came into sight. I was sure the bruises had already come to the surface.
"Kyle mentioned how he found the two of you…" Doc reached his hand towards my neck but I quickly covered it with my own. I didn't want them to see what Ian had done and hold any ill feelings towards him. "I should examine you Wanda. To make sure you are okay."
"I am fine…" I looked between the three concerned faces looking back at me. None of them the person I wanted to talk to. "I think I just need a moment to myself."
I side stepped my way down the wall, past my friends. Melanie reached out to stop me put Jared stopped her with only a light touch. I nodded at him in appreciation before moving down the hall as quickly as I could.
I was grateful for the dark corridors, though truthfully I don't know if it would have made a difference to me. I let my feet lead me, not paying attention to the direction they took me or the faces I may have passed on the way. This must be what it would have felt like if I had been aware during my travels from planet to planet. The emptiness was a void that was quickly surrounding me.
It wasn't until I passed the green curtain that I realized where I had been heading. My feet stopped in front of the red and grey doors; the same time as my breathing. I pressed my hand against the red door, pushing it just enough to squeeze into the room.
I couldn't stay in the room longer than necessary, it was wrong to be here without him, but I needed one thing. It was thrown on top of the small pile of his clothes, we were too rushed to put it away properly that night. Picking it up in my hands I held it to my face and took a deep breath. One night of me wearing it did not erase the smell of him on it.
I clenched his shirt between my hands as I squeezed past the red door. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with the feeling of not belonging. Logically I knew there were many people here that cared for me, some even loved me: Mel, Jamie, Jeb, Doc. Yet without Ian I no longer felt like this was my place.
So I went to the one place I felt safe when I was an outsider. Without completing our raid there wasn't as many supplies to clear out of the way, yet it was still not an easy task in the dark.
Once the hole was mostly empty I pushed myself into it, curling my body into a ball, wrapped around Ian's shirt in the furthest corner of it.
Ian was going to be okay. He was safe. Alive.
Those were the only things keeping me from falling apart. Everything could be okay as long as I knew he would be okay.
So many things had happened since my arrival here: my confinement in this room, the bathroom collapse, Walter's death, Jamie's injury, Wes' death. So much pain. Was it so bad that he didn't remember all of that? Ian had a kindness to him that was unmatched by any species other than my own and these memories would have caused him unimaginable pain.
Much of the pain he felt had been directly due to me. Whether it be the confusion of his feelings for me in the beginning, the division I caused between him and his brother, the tears he shed when I had tried to say goodbye to him or the long night he spent hiding in the back of the jeep waiting for me. I had caused him to suffer.
I would do anything to be able to take all of the pain away from him. I could bear the pain, but I don't think I could handle putting him through it all again.
At some point I must have fallen asleep, woken by voices outside of the hole. I opened my eyes slightly and could make out the blue light shining into the hole. I wanted to stay curled in here forever, not wanted to face what I knew I would have to do.
"Jared you have no idea how painful it is to have the person you love right in front of you," Mel said. I knew her enough to know that she was trying to hide how upset she was from Jared. She never wanted to appear weak. "And have them not know who you are…" The rest of what Mel said was muffled. I assume she was talking into Jared's chest at this moment - sure that he embraced her despite her attempts at hiding her emotions.
With my decision made, I pushed myself backwards through the narrow space and out of the opening. At the sight of me emerging from the hole, Mel pushed out of Jared's embrace and rushed to my side pulling me into an embrace with her strong arms.
"Wanda!" I could hear the relief flooding her voice.
"I'll let you two talk," Jared said quietly as he turned to walk out of the room. "Mel, I'll be in our room if you need me."
"No." I said. "I'd like you to stay here too. If you don't mind, that is."
A look of shock crossed his face but was quickly hidden behind his emotionless expression. He lowered himself to the ground, leaning against the rock wall beside Mel. He didn't say anything, just waited for me to begin.
"He hates me."
"He hates souls, or at least that is the last feeling he remembers." Melanie corrected.
"Doc said that his mind did this because of a traumatic experience." I explained.
"Exactly. So we just need to figure out what about bringing us back from the desert set him off." She said with hope, not seeing where I was going with this.
Jared tilted his head ever so slightly, his eyes narrowing. I recognized that look as the same one he had given Doc during our small tribunal.
"Wanda, are you sure about this?" He asked. "I don't think Ian would agree with this."
Melanie's head snapped back over her shoulder to look at Jared. "What are you talking about Jared?"
"She doesn't want him to remember." He stated simply.
Melanie slowly looked back at me, confused. "But you love him."
I nodded. I could never deny the feelings I had for him.
"If the memory of me was so painful that his mind chose to erase it…" I paused to take a deep breath, preparing myself for what I was about to say. "Then I don't think I should remind him."
It was not easy to make Ian so angry... makes me sad and was why it took so long to write. I will warn you that this will not be resolved quickly but I do love Ian and Wanderer together so there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Thanks! Mel