Serendipity's Shadow

Rated T

Chapter 31

Nick lost in thought as he recounted his story to Judy froze as he was engulfed in warmth. Judy had carried herself out of bed and approached Nick. At the time he held his face while recounting how he said goodbye to his sister. By the time he finished Judy circled Nick and hugged him from behind. She was still too afraid of the effect his eyes, his existence, had on her.

"…Judy?" Nick asked feeling her warmth spread across his back.

"I'm so sorry." Judy began holding back tears. "I'm so sorry that you were forced to grow up that way. And I'm sorry that you had no one to talk to."

Nick hesitantly grabbed one of her arms that were wrapped around his chest. A sense of comfort enveloped him. Judy always had that effect on him.

"You did nothing Carrots that warrants an apology." Nick patted her arm trying to soothe her. "But thank you."

Judy released her grip on him walking away from him still avoiding eye contact. Nick watched her walk away waiting for her to speak. Judy took a deep calming breath, crossed her arms, and looked at Nick.

"So…that time when you just disappeared. Your sister?" Judy asked.

"Yeah." Nick nodded. "Her husband was helping out a co-worker that was being hunted by some loan sharks." Nick paused to rub the back of his neck. "Let's just say that co-worker told these unpleasant fellows that if they wanted real money…to go after my sister and her family. They called me after my brother-in-law got jumped one night. That's when I left. After I left is when I decided to have you protected-"

"Followed." Judy interjected.

"Followed." Nick agreed with some reluctance. "Though I'll always see it as protected-"

"Nick-"

"They found out about you Judy!" Nick declared standing from his chair.

"…Who?"

"I killed the head of the thirteen families, but I couldn't wipe the whole family out. No matter how hard I tried there is always a cockroach that crawls its way back. His name is Michael Weller, he was a nephew that was in the care of one of the families' cousins. I don't know when and I don't know how…but he got a picture of me escorting ZPD's finest to dinner. And…a few other photos…"

"…Do I even want to know?"

"It…didn't reveal how that night ended if that's what you mean."

Judy sighed rubbing her eyes in annoyance.

"I got tips that they were making a move against you. And then…you got shot in that police raid."

"Was that a hit…on me?" Judy asked feeling her blood run cold.

"Yeah…it was."

Judy paused in thought while she made her way back to the bed. As she sat at the end of the bed Nick watched her carefully.

"How long did you know?" Judy asked.

"I found out they knew about you shortly after you were shot. I…had them taken care of and reaffirmed my position as the Shadow. But my fear didn't go away. And the people I work with, the people I keep in line, they are relentless. When my sister called, I was already having you followed. And when I left, I knew you'd be safe as long as I had them watching you."

"That doesn't excuse you not telling me. If you knew someone wanted me dead, you should have told me."

"I was…I was a coward, Judy. I thought if you knew…you'd leave." Nick left his chair to sit on the side of the bed. "And I was too scared of that."

"But you left and vanished. That doesn't exactly scream 'please don't leave me, Carrots.' Now does it?"

Judy went into interrogation mode, she wanted to know every angle of his story.

"And that's when I got even more scared. I lived with my sister and her family all that time and I got scared."

"Of what?"

"How I could never give you that future."

Judy finally felt brave enough to look at Nick. Who was now not strong enough to look at her.

"A family, pancakes every morning, fixing the backyard swing. I loved it all. And at some point, I realized I couldn't give you that. I was scared to keep you close to me because I was selfish. I didn't want you to want this life. I wanted you to want me. So, I kept myself away from you partly hoping you'd see the monster that I was. And the other part wanted you to choose me. I wanted you to choose me over that beautiful dream." Nick sighed finally turning to look at Judy. "When I finally came back and found you asleep at what was to be our home. I was so happy and disappointed at the same time. Happy that you chose me and disappointed you chose me over such a wonderful life."

"You should've talked to me, Nick."

"I know…I know."

"…and I should have talked to you too." Judy admitted turning away as her ears laid flat.

"Carrots?"

"When-when I got shot, I didn't tell you that the person shot me…only after they saw my bracelet."

"What?!"

"I spent time in the hospital doing nothing but thinking. And I had a lot to think about. The main few were…how I had become one of your weaknesses and what our future would be. Mostly about how I couldn't give you what you wanted either."

"Judy, what are you talking about?"

"Nick." Judy laughed turning to Nick with a small smile. "You are a suave, charming, and annoyingly handsome fox." Nick smiled at her compliment. "And I am a bunny from the countryside with dreams that outweigh this city. Those two combos can make a great power couple. But biologically speaking Nick, it can't give you what you've always wanted."

"Judy-"

"Don't. Don't try to tell me that never mattered to you. You just told me that you were living the dream when you were with your sister and her family. And I'm not an idiot Nick. We used to walk in the parks together drinking coffee. I noticed every time we passed a family, you'd…you'd get this look in your eye." Judy smiled to herself as she reminisced. "I can't give you that Nick. And I'm not sure in good conscience I would ever let that happen. But…the Shadow needs an heir."

It was Nick's turn to give Judy comfort. He placed a reassuring grip on her shoulder which she gratefully held.

"When you left me and vanished…I had even more time to think. And I got scared too. Not only had I become your weakness, can't give you an heir, and I'm a cop. Everyone you fight against to keep this city moderately functioning, so it doesn't become a living hell hole. They would attack you and the ZPD relentlessly until one of us give in." Judy sighed trying to keep calm. "I chose to, in my opinion, selfishly stay by your side. But then no communication, secret after secret being revealed, your…drunken comment, and the building pressure. I cracked Nick and left deeply wishing for once in my life I was anybody but the first rabbit officer, Judy Hopps."

"Your right…we should have talked to each other." Nick rubbed her shoulder in comfort.

Nick was about to speak some more but was interrupted by Judy slowly removing his hand from her shoulder. She sent him a small smile before standing up from the bed.

"I'm glad we are talking now." Judy admitted. "But…it's too late."

"What?!" Nick stood in alarm.

"Nick…we need to stop lying to ourselves-"

"I'm not lying to myself, Judy! I want to be with you!" Nick proclaimed.

"And at what point that's all that I wanted too!" Judy yelled back before continuing in a calmer tone. "But you are who you are, and I am who I am. And the last thing I'd ever want to do is to ask Nicholas Wilde to be anyone but himself."

"Judy-"

"I think we should proceed with talking. And work towards an end goal of being…friends."

"That not what I want" Nick stated stepping closer to Judy.

Judy immediately retreated not allowing him to get closer.

"People with a high sense of responsibility don't always get what they want, Nick."

A silence filled the room as Nick felt his heart desperately trying not to fall apart. Judy grew the courage to give Nick one more small smile.

"I'm tired, Nick."

And just like that, Judy put up the uncrossable walls around her heart once again.

"Judy-"

"Please, Nick." Judy begged.

With reluctance, Nick grabbed their now cold coffees and walked out of the room. Not another word was spoken between the two. No sound could be heard as Nick made his way out. The only sound made was that of a fox and bunny's crying heart.