GROUNDSKEEPER
The landscape bed around the front entrance looked immaculate, bushes perfectly spherical, mulch evenly distributed, and the marble footings encircling the beds straight and even.
As the groundskeeper turned, a student blurred past him. A violent gust of wind tousled the bushes and scattered woodchips across the lawn. With a sigh, the groundskeeper raked up the mess and put the beds back in order.
A student fell out of the sky and onto a bush. Kirishima flexed his hardened skin and said, "I barely felt that! Throw me higher next time!"
The groundskeeper's eye twitched. With a sigh, he tossed the flattened bush into the woodchipper, dug up its roots, and planted a new shrub in its place. No sooner than he had finished, fire burst out of a nearby window.
"Did you get it?" Hagakure asked.
"I think so. Can I have my soba now?"
The groundskeeper's hands shivered and his face twisted. He hosed the area down with a fire extinguisher, cleaned up the glass and foam, and trimmed the burnt branches. With the bed in good order once more, the groundskeeper put his hands on his hips and proudly examined his work.
"Look out!"
A glob of viscous white fluid soared towards the bushes. Crying out, the groundskeeper dove, arms spread wide as he took the liquid dead center on his chest. He collapsed in a heap. His eyes fluttered open, and he felt his soaked shirt. It tasted like milk.
"Phew!" Mina said. "It's a good thing you leapt out of the way. That acid almost hit you!"
The groundskeeper looked back. Where he was standing before, a hole shaped like him ate its way through the foliage and into the dirt. His skin turned red with fury. Steam whistled out of his ears, and Scottish swears bubbled up from his lips.
The collar around his neck beeped. It hissed as it pumped a sedative into the groundskeeper's veins. The red crept out of his skin, and the fire dimmed in his eyes. The groundskeeper dumped dirt down the acid hole, plopped a new shrub inside, and piled mulch around it.
The groundskeeper dragged over a glass dome, set up automated turrets, and staked a dozen rabid German Shepherds around it. The ground rumbled. The shrubs heaved, and a head of green hair sprouted amidst his work.
Izuku looked around and said, "I am a groundhog." They dove back into the soil, leaving behind a churned wreckage of shrubs.
The collar beeped. The groundskeeper kept trembling. It beeped again and again. The groundskeeper's head swelled with pressurized steam until it exploded.
The cloning machine released a new groundskeeper. Nezu sipped his tea and said, "Thank you for accepting the job offer. Here's a check for a hundred grand. You may start immediately."
"Why am I wearing a collar?"
"Security badge."
"...right."
Aizawa watched the man leave. "Is this really cheaper than robots?"
Across the campus, Katsuki screamed as he eviscerated a toaster.
"It is this year."
500
Makes you wonder how the school looks so neat with dozens of superpowered teenagers running amok, eh?