Hello there!
Apologies for the extra long note.
A personal update regarding the state of my current uploads. As of writing this message, the amount of time I spend in a week working on my fanfics, including editing and posting is, usually six to eight hours. To be honest, I never even thought I would find popularity or support to even spend this much time doing what I love. However you can tell this is not a truly great number. The amount I make from writing is even lower, only 2 to 3 dollars an hour.
It is not something that I can keep up with sustainably; every minute of writing I can get out is, at the moment, squeezed out of my own free time to try and keep up with the monthly uploads. Already I've had to temporarily nix one of the stories I've been working on, Royal Business, because I've not been able to maintain a quality standard that I can be happy with.
It's... not exactly working, and I've had people complain about both the often late uploads and the fact that three thousand to five thousand words per chapter at one chapter per month, per fic, is not enough to maintain a sense of connection to the story or even remember what occurred in it.
I apologize for the annoyance procured by this message, but I genuinely would want nothing more than to be able to keep pumping out content for you guys to be able to read. Though I've had a number of personal tragedies occur all within the last year, I will not bore you with the sob story of my life; rather, I would like to provide you with some soft data regarding my current stories.
Syzygy, my to date most successful story, has had in the past year about seventy-thousand words produced. The content thus far doesn't even reach Cynthia achieving her second gym badge. While I cannot make a real estimate, by my own reckoning of the content I plan to write, we've reached about 15% of the planned content.
Comfort by Candlelight, my second most successful story, I have a better measure of the dimension. The wordcount is similar, as is the amount I've managed to post, and it reaches, for those of you who know how the story goes, roughly the point where Luka prepares to leave San Ilia for the first time to go back to Port Natalia.
For TENGE, after 2 years of writing and a little over 110k words written, I have officially completed Act 1 of what, if I have my way, will be a five act fic.
Royal Business, though currently on hiatus, is lastly at the start of the group's first palace, which between me and my collaborator, we speculate will take about fifty to sixty thousand words to complete. Latter palaces will not take an insane amount of words, but there's also the characters' lives beyond stealing treasures.
In essence... *If I continue like this, I expect to only be done with the current stories in six, maybe five years.* And while I might be fine, there's also the much higher likelihood that I will have to devote less and less time to my stories in order to do the other two things I'm a fan of, namely having a roof over my head and consuming food.
So, allow me to annoy you in order to explain that I am setting up a series of reader-funded goals that, should they be achieved, would allow me to move to writing fanfics full-time. Notably, has for some reason disabled funding goals, so I'll present them here for you;
100$/month - Once per month, I will make a raffle picking one of my subscribers in order to, if they wish for it, write a small (1-2k words) story of their choosing.
250$/month - I'll be able to put in enough time to resume updating Royal Business, one of the original stories that I'd been writing.
500$/month - I'll provide everyone with more frequent updates regarding health, general situation, and insight into the stories, the writing process and what comes with being a fanfic writer.
1000$/month - I'll be able to begin writing in earnest an original story that me and my collaborator have been working on, to be posted on and Ao3 (and maybe other sites?).
1500$/month - With this, I will finally be making enough to handle myself comfortably with just a side gig and writing, allowing me to switch up to a bi-monthly schedule of writing.
2000$/month - are enough money that I will be able to semi-consistently commission artists to make illustrations (and maybe music) to go along with my stories.
2500$/month - Would be enough to for my mom to comfortably stop working, something that would mean a lot given her situation. To celebrate that, as a thank you, I'll write a story whose characters, universe, themes and everything are chosen by the community as a whole.
3000$/month - Lastly, this would effectively be enough for me to never need to consider another career as potentially better, more "worth" it, or safer for me to pursue, and I'd be able to fully focus on the writing and achieve true stability. I would move to writing full time, updating as often as the chapters are produced, edited and beta-read.
Thank you in advance for whoever decides to indulge this desire of mine.
Cynthia knew Pokèmon to be savage, but this was getting out of hand. She stared in muted horror at the sight and smell of gore before her. That Whiscash... was dead. Even with a Pokèmon's inherent resiliency, nothing survived having their head dug into and the brain skewered.
Fear had gripped her when Riolu had turned its sights on her. Its eyes were clouded but filled with hatred just as much as they were when they first met.
Thankfully, Golduck knew Psychic. As Riolu leaped at them, it was promptly slammed onto the floor into unconsciousness. As she looked at his downed form, the blood trailing down his arm, claws looking like they'd snap off if they weren't reinforced with steel, and a head wound sluggishly bleeding.
She recalled him into his ball, feeling faint. Bringing up her chat with Palmer on her Pokèdex, she re-read through the messages.
Something about a terrifying aura in Riolu that only he had seen. Admittedly, she hadn't been that inclined to take him seriously, but now... now, she wasn't quite sure. She'd seen nothing of the sort, but... she thought she'd made headway with Riolu. She had made headway with Riolu: while it was clear that it didn't care much to be her Pokèmon, it had accepted, and they'd helped each other.
Still, even earlier with Misdreavus...
Cynthia sighed. This was perhaps not the moment to think about this. Unconsciously, she triple-tapped the Pokéball and watched it vanish in a burst of light. The PET system was designed for trainers to be able to send Pokémon away in the moment that they had more than six… thankfully, someone actually had enough brains to register that if they had the technology to do that, perhaps having the ability to do it at will could ease so many situations.
The Whiscash was in some sort of rigor mortis, mouth still open and body half-sitting on top of the incubator that had cracks spidering down its frame, its technology clearly beyond function. Pokèmon were known to eat eggs in the wild... was this why Riolu flew into a rage? Because of the egg?
That was... weirdly wholesome, in an extremely messed up way.
"Golduck, help me push the... Whiscash off." "Mgweh."
Psychic energy picked up the corpse and moved it off the incubator for Cynthia to retrieve... but even as she tried to pick it up, the thing pretty much collapsed, nearly spilling the egg out. Cynthia frowned, but retrieved a ball to "catch" the egg, gently tapping it against the shell. It wasn't the best accommodation, as Pokéball technology tended to keep their occupant in stasis, which was the opposite of what you wanted in an egg, but for now, it would hold.
Inspecting the room, she found a small treasure trove of lost items that the stream had carried to this small crevice. An incense, of all things, a TM, Pokèballs, some functioning and others broken (none containing Pokèmon, thankfully), and a few coins.
And... Riolu's bell and handkerchief. They were caked in mud, the bell unable to jingle its soothing tune. They must have slipped off.
She would give them a good rinse later, the same as everything else.
Riding atop Golduck's back to the area they were before, she pondered about her newest catch. It was a capture of convenience, one that had occurred simply because she needed a water type, and she needed it quick. Considering how quickly she bested it, not taking the time to go through the ceremonial song and dance one usually put up when catching a Pokèmon, she could tell that it understood that fact as well.
Beyond that...
Golduck were okay battlers and excellent swimmers, but that was the highest praise one could offer the creature. She hadn't raised it, had no attachment to the creature, and it didn't seem to particularly like her. Unlike Palmer, she couldn't just... immediately strike up a friendship with a Pokèmon she had no feeling with. She could try, especially if she planned to invest in a Pokèmon as a member of her team... but this wasn't it, she felt.
Coming up to shore, she was sopping wet, cranky, and longed for nothing more than the welcoming air of a Pokèmon Center, both for her and her Pokèmon.
"Thank you, Golduck." She breathed, and the Pokèmon gave her a questioning side-eye. Far from unintelligent like its pre-evolution, his inquisitive expression told her that he was listening. "Sorry for the rough catch there. I needed help, and I needed it quickly, but I couldn't pause to know how you felt about it.
"I'm planning to become the champion of this region. In order to do that, I'm going to need to assemble a team of strong Pokèmon and take them to the absolute limit, to see what we can do together. If you choose to come with me, we will train as hard as we can, and we will become the strongest." She said, the spark of conviction in her chest blazing. Golduck stared at her for a few long seconds, and she understood, by the look in its eyes. It wasn't lazy, or weak, just... unambitious. Content with its lot in life. While Cynthia understood, she couldn't say she ever could imagine how that felt like.
Slowly, Golduck shook his head. "Gol."
"I see..." Cynthia sighed, but she had already imagined as much. Raising her hand, she prepared to press the release function, but Golduck placed his hand on the Pokèball. "Gol, duck."
"...eh?" Cynthia asked, confused.
"Duck, gold. Psygold." The taller Pokèmon quacked, before moving behind her.
"You... want to come with me?" Golduck nodded. "But not as a battler." He nodded again.
...well, this she hadn't expected. Was there space in her party for something like this?
Well, right now, obviously. But she had already had to increase her budget expenses to account for Roserade's size increase and Riolu's presence. Another fully grown Pokèmon... hopefully, she could convince the Professor that the addition was justified.
"Very well, then. Now... let's get out of here. I've had enough of this cave. Welcome to the team, Golduck." She said, recalling her newest team member. With another tap on her belt, she brought out Gabite.
When Gabite appeared, Cynthia couldn't help but laugh at how immediately her partner was all over her, pressing against Cynthia's chest with her muzzle and trying to physically occupy as much of Cynthia's personal space while still being mindful of her sandpaper-like scales.
"It's alright, girl. I'm alright. Riolu... will get better. I've sent him over to the Pokèmon Center." Cynthia felt the slight sting of tears that she quickly wiped from her eyes now that her mind had begun to decompress.
She hadn't seen a dead Pokèmon before... or at least, not one who had been killed in such a gruesome manner. Nana's Stoutland passed peacefully and surrounded by its pack in the saddest pile of fluff that Cynthia had ever seen.
This... was anything but. There was nothing similar about this; it was nothing short of a spectacle of brutality pushed past even natural Pokémon resiliency.
And. In a single moment, that brutality had been levied against her.
...
She stopped herself from scratching away at Gabite's scales as she suddenly felt a stinging pain. Looking at her hand, she'd accidentally cut herself on one of the scales, her palm slick with blood of a pretty deep cut, With a hiss, she went to wipe it on her shirt, but thought better of it. She was covered in cave water.
Gabite let out a raspy sound, looking back at the scales covered now in Cynthia's blood as though they had betrayed her... and then, she violently bit into them, ripping them off.
"Girl, no! It's fine, I..." Cynthia trailed off as Gabite chewed on the scales, before biting on Cynthia's hand as well.
Cynthia's face went blank. Logically, she knew that Gabite would never mean any harm. That didn't mean that she felt comfortable with her forearm in the Pokémon's arm. She still had teeth marks from when she was a Gible.
This, however, was something she'd never done. As Gabite's rough tongue ran over, she felt like something was being smeared over it, as she licked the wound. As Cynthia pulled her hand free, Gabite had made a... sort of poultice, from her scales, smeared over the cut. It tingled.
...she really didn't know what to make of this. She didn't know what to make of a lot of things. She just wanted to get a room at the nearest Pokécenter and go to bed. Maybe throw the cushions and blanket on the floor and snuggle up with Gabite.
"Is this supposed to be good for me?" she eventually asked, voice barely above a whisper. She probably wouldn't have taken the opinion of a Pokémon for it, but recently, her Pokémon had decided that they had a lot of things to say on a lot of things.
"Ga! Gabite!" the dragon enthusiastically nodded.
"...right." she sighed, ignoring the tingling. On heavy limbs, she dragged herself back on the path and towards the outside of the cave. As she left, a beam of light caught her in the eyes, making her wince with the beginnings of a powerful headache.
"Cynthia, mon ami! How do you fare? Have you recovered your little friend?" Fantina's voice came before she could see her, and Cynthia turned to regard her friend with tired eyes.
However, before she could do it, she caught another sound. "Driiiiii~" a giggle pierced the air, as her eyes slowly trailed towards the purple, balloon-like Pokémon that poked her with one of its little arms.
That giggle.
Uncaring of everything that she'd just gone through- of the hell both she and her Pokémon had just endured. Most importantly, uncaring of the harm that it had caused because this little bastard was the sole reason this whole ordeal had happened.
Apparently, one giggle was all it took for Cynthia to snap.
"GET THAT FUCKING THING OUT OF MY SIGHT!" she screamed, her wail making both Pokémon and trainer recoil, as well as her own Gabite. However, her dragon, sensing Cynthia's hostility, quickly bared its fangs and began growling, energy charging in her maw.
"Cynthia, je ne comprends pas, que-"
"NOW! LEAVE! RELEASE THAT THING, I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT EVER AGAIN!" Cynthia howled, all her pent-up frustration, fear, anger and anxiety.
"...Cynthia, I understand mon Drifloon caused a bit of trouble-"
"IT NEARLY KILLED TWO OF MY POKÈMON! YOU CALL THAT A 'BIT' OF TROUBLE?!"
"Okay, a tonne of trouble! But it's learning, I've just recently caught it, like your Riolu-"
Cynthia grit her teeth so hard she felt like they might break. "Don't. Change the topic. The damned thing nearly murdered my Riolu, and I'm going to be rid of it either way. Now tell me- do I need to rid myself of you as well for it?"
"...are you really going to throw away years of amitié over one mistake?"
...that sentence was all that she needed to hear. "I'm throwing them away over un echec of a friend who wants to cling to her mistakes." Fantina's gaze turned dark as her lips parted slightly, but no words left her mouth. "I'm en route to Victory Road. I can't afford to let failure burden me, and if you wish to be just that... well, be my guest."
Fantina's gaze was teary, but she did not falter. "I suppose that Route Victoire is going to be more of a Route Solitude, then, for you. I wish you good luck, mon ami."
With that, she began walking away, leaving Cynthia there. She wanted to scream, to rage, to lay into Fantina with a Pokémon battle until all of her Pokémon were left as broken as Riolu was. As broken as she felt.
As soon as Fantina was out of sight, she felt the strength leave her knees. Gabite nuzzled into her, and she hugged to her partner like a lifeline.
It hadn't been that long of a trip, but she was so tired.
...this is an eerily familiar situation. As I looked up, I was strapped down to a table. The situation was exactly identical to the one a few days back; down to the structure of the doctor's office.
The main difference was that together with the green-colored nurse was a familiar Audino, and that this time, though my muscles were screaming and the bones in my arms were aching, I was not a ball of rage.
Locking eyes with Audino, she gave me a startled look. "Jenny!" She hollered at the nurse.
"You really should just put it on my fucking file that I have a resistance to anesthesia." I slurred. "This hurts a lot."
"Why do you even know what that is?!" Audino shouted, half-panicked as she placed her... ear antenna, or whatever that thing was on my chest before placing her hands on it for a Heal Pulse.
"It's a long story, Sugar Fairy Plum. Maybe another time." I mumbled. I wonder what the Pokèmon world's equivalent of morphine is... because I'm pretty sure that I'm on it right now.
My chest hurts. My arm, even more. And I'm pretty sure that, as Audino and Jenny flit about the room, doing... surgery things, I'm pretty sure, there was mention of reconstructing the bones in my left arm.
I don't know when exactly I fell into unconsciousness... but I do know that when I woke up, I was somewhere else entirely. Strong, large hands were manhandling me, as I blinked into awareness and stared at the green eyes and hair of a Nurse Jenny.
My left arm felt stiff. I looked down to see it wrapped in a cast, and instinctively reached out to touch and get a feel for it. "Ah ah ah, don't take it off now. You've hurt your arm quite badly. For a little while, you're gonna have to keep it that way, okay?" I rolled my eyes and nodded, only poking at the thing. No pain, though my bones felt sore.
Seemingly satisfied with me not immediately ripping my cast off, she proceeded to continue to inspect me. Had I been feeling better, I probably wouldn't have put up with it as much as I did, but it felt as though I was fading in and out of awareness.
All the way until a slice of sweetness filled my mouth, and I confusedly chewed on it.
Pecha.
"Keep an eye on this one, Audino. And for Ho-oh's sake, please do not Zen Headbutt him again. I still have no idea what came over you the other day." She shook her head, then proceeded to walk off somewhere into the building.
So, I was left alone. On an examination table, chewing on half a Pecha, with the pink and cream Pokèmon who had nearly knocked my lights out staring at me.
"...yo." I huffed, gulping down the berry. For some reason, that caused her to burst into giggles in a... not quite hysterical, but definitely abnormal manner. Uh. "You alright?"
Her laughter died down, and she sighed. "Just peachy, thank you. Though I can see that with what you've done to your arm, you haven't exactly worked on your anger issues."
I cringed. "I... think I need to speak about that to someone, actually. I thought it was just anger issues, but it's been affecting my moves as well, and I'm starting to think that it's an actual, physical problem, rather than just a mental one."
"Uh-huh." She looks at me, giving me a once-over. "Twice we didn't really get anything of the sort, and I looked you over pretty thoroughly... still, I guess another look can't hurt. What are the symptoms, and when do they manifest?" She asks.
She looks like she's about to speak again, but by the time I notice, I'm already talking. "Massive boost in strength, attacks that can pierce through regular type disadvantages and immunities..." I am reminded of the fact that in the move demo, I hit the Porygon pretty freaking hard. And sure, Porygon-Z is not a defender by any means, but it had shrugged every other attack off with no damage. "I hurt myself," I waved the cast on my forearm for emphasis. "And it mostly causes me to go apeshit, when I'm already in a state of anger. I... how's your mom doing, by the way?"
Audino blinked owlishly at me. "I... er, yes, my mom. She's better now, though no thanks to you. Her Jenny is recovering as well, now that she's not in danger anymore, and... well, they're trying to move on."
"I'd like to apologize when I can." I breathe a sigh of relief.
Audino cringes. "Maybe... don't. Not right now. Possibly never. If you want, have your trainer send like, flowers and berries, but I wouldn't go triggering their trauma all willy-nilly." She looks at me intensely for a moment, and I can feel within her as she's working something in her head. "I... you wouldn't happen to be-"
She froze, before sighing. "Never mind. This is so stupid." She whined, rubbing her marshmallow-like face. "I really should stop trying to see things that aren't there."
I stared at her awkwardly, not sure what to reply, but eventually, she looked back up on her own. "Sorry. You were saying .. right. I mean, those sound like a number of illegal combat drugs that the Hunters used to make use of...but your bloodworks are clean now." She murmured to herself. "Your trainer isn't making you eat anything weird, stabbing you with needles, or anything off like that?"
I grimaced, shaking my head. "I'd know if I was drugged... especially since the withdrawal aches have been hell. I can't really tell how long, but pretty much from my birth to maybe two weeks ago, I was kept drugged to the gills by... er, Team Might, I think it was?"
She fixed me with an intense stare, large, blue eyes piercing inquisitively. "And that's when..."
"Yeah."
Her gaze lingered on me for several more seconds. "You're surprisingly self-aware for someone whose cognitive development should still be at the stage to say "me no like humans"."
"And you seem pretty well-studied... in general." I trail off as I was about to say "for a Pokèmon", before picking back up.
"...okay, seriously. This is probably going to sound super stupid, so feel free to laugh, but you've been giving me that vibe for the entire time we've been speaking... are you a human?"
My eyes widened before I forced my interest down. Just because she was human, didn't mean... that she was like me.
Immediately, Audino groaned. "Nevermind, sorry. I'm crazy, ignore me, I'm gonna go get Jenny, I-"
"I am." I cut off. "Nasir Renardt, from France. You?"
She gasped, her eyes tearing up. "Oh God. You... you're not pulling my leg, are you?" I shook my head. "I... Olivia. Olivia Steiner. New Hampshire."
I opened my arms in a clear invitation... and despite the flash of pain from accidentally bumping my arm, this was the best I felt about being tackled by a creature twice my size in a long time.
PET stands for Personal Emergency Transport. It's also what kicks in once you are carrying over your limit in Pokémon, but it can be activated manually, usually sending Pokémon back to the last Pokécenter their Pokéball registered.
Cynthia has an emotional outburst. Sooner or later, Nasir is going to figure out what's going on with her.
Also, finally another human! I'd like to congratulate everyone who pointed out when it happened the fact that Olivia's behavior was unusual for an Audino. There were "overt" hints of it, mostly in the way she spoke, but those were pretty hard to pick up on.