Chapter 2a- Daffodil ~ Thunder and Lightning Won't Change How I Feel
May 1998
Narcissa Malfoy folded her hands in her lap, determined not to give into her anxiety and fidget with her pocket mirror or empty teacup.
For whatever reason, she'd agreed to take afternoon tea with Hyacinth Parkinson. Going out these days was more trouble than it was worth. People would stare and point at her whenever she was in public, immediately cowering when they saw she'd noticed their gazes. Narcissa wasn't sure what they were afraid of; her wand had been charmed with security enchantments and monitoring spells, meaning that the Ministry would know immediately if she tried to hurt anyone.
Still, Narcissa had to give Hyacinth some credit. She'd asked Narcissa to meet somewhere called "Madam Zahrah's Café," which she had never heard of before. It was out of the way in Nottingham, far beyond the purview of most of their acquaintances. Additionally, the fact that the menu consisted mostly of different varieties of Turkish coffee meant that most tea-loving British purebloods in their circle would be unlikely to enter the establishment anyway. The majority of the witches and warlocks around them were dressed in foreign garbs, speaking in mostly unfamiliar tongues. None of them appeared to have recognized Narcissa or Hyacinth at all.
"So," Hyacinth began, breaking the awkward silence that plagued them since they'd arrived at the café. "Are you and Lucius ready for your trials? What about Draco?"
Narcissa pursed her lips as she took a sip of her rose tea, flinching at its unfamiliar taste. "We meet with our solicitor later this week," she replied curtly.
Narcissa had no intention of telling a person as inauthentic as Hyacinth anything beyond the bare minimum about her legal woes. She suspected that Hyacinth's curiosity was rooted in a desire to learn more gossip as opposed to offering friendly sympathy; after all, Narcissa herself would only ask Hyacinth about such things in order to determine where on the social ladder they all presently stood.
Although Hyacinth was a childhood friend, Narcissa had never liked her much. Hyacinth Grace had always been vapid, vain, and shallow; she magically bleached her naturally brown curls an ugly shade of mustard yellow and attempted to hide her upturned nose beneath layers of beauty charms and make-up. Her resulting appearance was hardly an improvement over her natural one. Worse, Hyacinth's garish habits had increased exponentially once she married Thomas Parkinson and gained access to his gold.
"What about you?" Narcissa countered, running her finger along the rim of her porcelain teacup. Two could play this game. "I heard that your husband and son were arrested last week along with Willard Selwyn. Mariah must be devastated."
"Yes, they were taken into custody when trying to enter Diagon Alley." Hyacinth instantly answered, the hint of a smile on her face as she rubbed her arm. "Stupid of them, really. Thomas, Martin, and Willie should have turned themselves in after the final battle. Now the list of charges against them is even longer. As for Mariah, I think she's happy about it. She can continue her affair with my brother-in-law without either Willie or Thomas stopping her."
"Are either of you being charged with anything?"
"No, Thomas never involved me in any of those matters, only our son. And from what Mariah told me, Willie was the same with her. We were both cleared by the Ministry almost immediately."
"Hmm," Narcissa murmured, taking another sip of her tea. If she hadn't known better, she could have sworn that Hyacinth seemed almost glad that her husband and son had been arrested. Narcissa could hardly understand it; perhaps her mind was simply playing tricks on her. Or, more likely, Hyacinth was relieved that her poodle breeding business could return to normal now that the war was over. The luxury Jobberknoll pellet kibble that Hyacinth preferred to feed the puppies had stopped being imported into Britain while the Dark Lord controlled the Ministry, along with many other products from the continent. Perhaps she was able to get her hands on it once again.
Narcissa had always thought it unfortunate that Hyacinth's parents had betrothed her to Thomas Parkinson. She looked vaguely porcine, and he greatly resembled a pug. Their poor children had suffered for it, as Martin and Pansy had gained their worst physical traits. It was a shame, really; both Parkinson children were good-tempered, but their appearance was an almost insurmountable hurdle for them to overcome. Only the best-looking people could get ahead in life, as it was human nature to distrust and denigrate the grotesque.
A well-dressed waiter quickly approached their table and cast a spell on their teapots, likely to refill them with more rose tea. "How is Pansy taking everything?" Narcissa asked once he left.
Hyacinth shrugged. "As well as can be expected," she replied. "I don't think she's even noticed that her father and brother are gone. But her suggestion to turn Potter over to the Dark Lord has made her somewhat of a social pariah. It's going to be difficult to find someone acceptable to agree to a betrothal contract."
Narcissa nodded. She and Lucius had decided when Draco was born not to force him into an arranged marriage; the pressure of a betrothal contract was one of the things that had driven Andromeda away from their family, and Narcissa didn't know if she could go through that again. After the first war, the custom had largely died out among purebloods anyway, as it was seen as an outdated vestige of times more "barbaric" and "unenlightened." While Narcissa herself could certainly agree that betrothal contracts failed more times than they worked, they were important. Without them, there was very little left to ensure the continuation of pureblood culture and tradition.
But was that worth it? She'd almost lost her son and husband as a result of the war. Her oldest sister- or what was left of her after spending over a decade in Azkaban, at least- was also gone.
She couldn't go through that again either. She didn't even want to think about it.
Narcissa and Lucius had impressed upon Draco that he should find a proper pureblood wife that shared their values. He'd courted Pansy for a while, but they eventually broke up. In truth, Narcissa was pleased about that turn of events, unlike Lucius. Pansy Parkinson was certainly a nice girl and was of adequate social standing, but she was positively ugly. Draco was extremely attractive and could find someone far better.
Or so she had thought, prior to the war.
Draco, like both of his parents, now faced charges of treason. Even if he was cleared, his brief Death Eater past was a black mark on his name, and Narcissa suspected that many formerly prospective suitors would refuse to consider him a possibility anymore. In fact, the Bulstrode and Davis families had owled Lucius the prior week, stating that they would no longer be associating with or speaking to the Malfoys in any capacity, meaning that Millicent and Tracey were no longer options for him.
The only girl seemingly interested in Draco these days was Astoria Greengrass, who behaved like a rabid mongrel in both public and private. The poor girl suffered from a blood curse that would eventually kill her, and Narcissa supposed that her parents pitied her so much that they never taught her how to behave or how to dress. The elder Greengrass daughter, Daphne, had none of these problems and would be a suitable partner for Draco, but these days, it was only Astoria who ever came around.
"Now that everything's over, have you thought about visiting Andromeda?" Hyacinth asked quietly. Her expression was unreadable.
Narcissa nearly spat out her tea in shock. "No, I haven't," she replied.
The idea hadn't even crossed her mind. What could they even say to each other anymore? It had been decades since they'd last spoken, and both of them were completely different people now. Even if Narcissa decided to reconnect with her older sister, there was a decently high chance that Andromeda would simply refuse to speak with her.
Hyacinth sighed. "It's really shame, you know?" she said, resting her chin on her hands. "She's lost basically everyone, hasn't she?"
"Yes, I suppose she has," Narcissa replied softly, barely audible over the foreign mumblings of the warlock behind her. "In another universe, none of this would have happened to her. Tonks' Hogwarts girlfriend would never have broken things off with him, and Andromeda would have been the one who married Willie."
"I miss her sometimes," Hyacinth said, taking a sip of her tea.
Narcissa missed Andromeda too, not that she would ever admit that to Hyacinth. Not a day went by when she didn't think of her older sister or wished that she could ask her for help with something. Andromeda always had a plan for whatever obstacles came her way; she always knew what to do when Narcissa needed her help, and she never judged her for it. Narcissa, though, had never returned the favor, always chiding Andromeda for her bookish interests and desire to work a job. And even though Narcissa deeply regretted how she'd treated her older sister before she'd left them for good, she didn't know if Andromeda would ever forgive her for her behavior, especially since her entire family was now dead. Narcissa certainly wouldn't extend Andromeda that same courtesy if their situations were reversed.
Andromeda undoubtedly resented Narcissa for her past treatment of her, but the reverse was also true. Pureblood girls like them were bound by certain obligations: they were required to marry well to protect their families' assets and interests, aid their husbands climb the social ladder by helping foster advantageous relationships, and most importantly, produce the next generation of purebloods. These responsibilities were not optional, and they had been drummed into all three Black girls' heads ad nauseum from the moment they'd first learned to talk. Narcissa and Bellatrix had capitulated to these mantras, sacrificing some of their own personal happinesses in order to ensure the status quo remained. Andromeda, however, selfishly rebelled, putting her own wants ahead of what was expected of her, the only consequence being her disinheritance. Her actions were unfair, indulgent, and disrespectful, and Andromeda hadn't made it a secret that she disapproved of Narcissa's willingness to bend to their family's whims.
But, Narcissa supposed, she herself was more than a little at fault for what had happened. Perhaps if she hadn't taken Andromeda to Tonks after she'd been-
No! Narcissa thought to herself, removing all thoughts about that bloody and violent day from her mind, knowing she would relive them in her sleep regardless. I can't think about that anymore. I don't need my nightmares haunting me while I'm awake too!
Hyacinth's eyes narrowed on her. "You alright, Cissy?" she asked.
"I'm fine, Hy," she replied emotionlessly. "My mind is simply paying a visit to the past again, wondering if I could have changed anything about Andomeda's fate."
"I hardly see how you could have," her friend replied. "Not when she was already a blood traitor."
Narcissa nodded, more out of politeness than anything else.
Pureblood ideals were not worth fighting a war over. It was a lesson that Narcissa had learned twice over- one that Andromeda had made her position abundantly clear on when she slept with and married Edward Tonks. However, unlike Andromeda, Narcissa could hardly agree that mudbloods were equal to pureblood wizards in any way. It wasn't an opinion at all, simply a fact that blood traitors, half-bloods, and mudbloods refused to accept. Narcissa estimated that it would only take a few more generations for wizarding culture to become completely diluted by that of the Muggles, with many aspects of their history and tradition being lost in the process.
"I regret so much," she muttered under her breath, vanishing the rest of the tea in her teacup.
"Sorry?" Hyacinth asked. "I didn't hear you."
"It's nothing, Hy," Narcissa sighed.
She regretted what she had done after finding out about Andromeda's relationship with Tonks. She regretted telling Andromeda she was unwelcome at their father's funeral, knowing that he would have wanted her there no matter what. She regretted never making an attempt to know Andromeda's family, even though it likely wouldn't have worked out.
But most of all, she regretted not trying to understand her sister even just a little bit more. She could hardly understand why Andromeda and Tonks had even liked each other, much less fallen in love. Andromeda was extremely intelligent, but she was also introverted, icy to everyone, and quite plain in appearance. She spent more time studying in the library than anywhere else. Tonks, on the other hand, was a boorish yet good-looking jock who lazily moved about life with his large circle of friends. They were complete opposites.
Narcissa had always assumed that Andromeda would fall for someone similar to Lucius, just like she had. But obviously, she'd been wrong. Andromeda would likely never explain herself to Narcissa, and Tonks was dead. She'd probably never find out the truth behind their puzzling relationship and subsequent marriage.
The clattering of porcelain coming from behind her brought Narcissa back to the present. She had been horribly rude to Hyacinth by retreating into her own mind, but she didn't think that she had the energy at the moment to right her social faux pas.
"I'm so sorry, Hyacinth," she apologized, taking a few Galleons out of her pink change-purse and leaving them on the table. "My mind appears to be elsewhere today. We'll have to catch up some other time."
"I understand," she replied with a sigh. She took out her own purse and placed some gold on the table. "It seems that once again, everything in our lives has been turned upside down."
"It seems that way," Narcissa agreed. "Farewell, Hyacinth."
"Goodbye, Narcissa."
With a curt nod, Narcissa disapparated, thoughts and memories of her older sister overtaking all rational thought.
The week leading up to the worst day in Narcissa's life was in early April of 1973, and began when Bellatrix interrupted her while she was writing a love letter to Lucius.
"Hypothetical question, Cissy," Bella said as she leaned against the doorframe, her wild black curls going in every direction. "If Andromeda got pregnant by a mudblood, half-blood, or blood-traitor, who would the father be?"
Narcissa scoffed, putting her quill down. "Don't be ridiculous, Bella," she replied. "Andie? Pregnant? While unmarried? She's such a stickler for rules that I can't see that ever happening. You must be mistaken."
"I assure you that Andromeda is indeed pregnant," Bella responded calmly, her expression darkening. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Why else do you think that she's been so sickly lately? Mother said she's been throwing up almost every day."
Narcissa had to admit that there was some logic to her eldest sister's words. Andromeda had been extremely pale, moody, and more aloof than normal as of late. But pregnant? It was a stretch. Between work and spending most of her free time with Hyacinth, when would Andromeda have found time to have sex with anyone?
Still, if Bella was correct, only one person could possibly be the father of Andromeda's baby.
"Edward Tonks," she replied. "Mudblood. Was Head Boy last year when she was Head Girl, so they spent a lot of time together. Maybe they still talk."
"I think they're doing a lot more than talking," her sister snickered. "But yeah, I know who Tonks is. Thanks, Cissy."
Bella pushed herself off the doorframe and disapparated. Narcissa exhaled sharply, wondering if suggesting that Tonks was sleeping with their sister was the right choice.
There really was no one else it could be though; Andromeda didn't actually interact with boys outside of pureblood Slytherins much. At least, not that Cissy knew. Tonks was the only one last year that fit Bella's criteria, and she couldn't see Andie giving herself to someone older or a person she didn't know well.
Narcissa had always been uncomfortable with Tonks while they were at Hogwarts. The mudblood was always trying to worm his way into her sister's life by asking for Charms help or begging they be partnered in class. Andromeda was far too gracious, agreeing almost every time, even when she visibly didn't want to. Tonks always looked at her with his soft blue-gray eyes in a way that suggested he was at the very least her equal, and at most, her friend.
Narcissa didn't like it at all.
Whenever she expressed her concerns, Andromeda always smiled at her and gave some sort of excuse, such as an upcoming examination or that she needed to ask him a question about one of their classes anyway.
"Besides, Cissy," she'd told her. "Tonks knows exactly what I think about him and where he stands with me. You don't need to worry."
Apparently, there was more to her statement than met the eye. Tonks knew what Andromeda thought of him, but the rest of them obviously didn't! She hadn't lied, just obfuscated the truth. Which, Narcissa mused, was exactly the sort of thing Andromeda liked to do when it benefited her.
Narcissa tried her hardest to not think about Andromeda's possible pregnancy, but later that week, Bellatrix slipped a piece of parchment to her while she was reading a fashion magazine in the parlor.
"I managed to get Tonks' address," she smirked. "Why don't you go spy on him for the next couple of days? Go when Andromeda gets out of work. Who knows? Maybe she'll show up."
Narcissa absolutely didn't want to do any such thing, but before she could tell Bella to do her own reconnaissance, she was gone.
And thus, Cissy spent the next few nights outside Tonks' flat, Disillusioned on his paltry excuse for a balcony that led to a Muggle alleyway behind it. Tonks was incredibly boring; all he did was read and watch the Muggle tellyvizhun.
The following night, however, something happened during her spying session.
"I have to work late tonight," Andromeda had mentioned during breakfast that morning. "We have an insane number of pleadings to draft before the end of the week."
While Narcissa was absolutely certain that her sister was telling the truth about her workload, she had a feeling that it wasn't the reason why she would arrive home late that night.
Cissy had spent the past quarter of an hour on Tonks' balcony praying to Merlin and Salazar Slytherin that Andromeda would in fact be stuck in the office the entire night. However, as soon as she heard the pop of someone apparating coming from Tonks' kitchen, she knew it wasn't to be.
She felt her heart break as she saw Andromeda embracing Tonks. Narcissa had never seen her older sister look so happy.
She watched as Tonks and her sister moved about his odd Muggle-style kitchen, talking and laughing as they cooked some sort of meal together. The expressions Tonks gave Andromeda were ones that Narcissa was incredibly familiar with; they were the same soft gazes that Lucius used to bestow on her, before he joined the Death Eaters and his time became all-consumed with furthering the pureblood cause.
Narcissa was more than a little bit jealous. Andromeda was able to be on the receiving end of such expressions of ardor from Tonks, while Narcissa could only hope that Lucius would one day decide to look at her lovingly once again.
Andromeda's going to leave us for him, she thought to herself, fighting the urge to cry. She's probably already meticulously planning it.
She didn't understand why Andromeda even liked Tonks, but that hardly mattered, not when he looked at her like she was the most important thing in the world. And later, when they snuggled on Tonks' ratty couch together and she started to cry- probably something to do with her pregnancy moods- Tonks held her protectively in his arms and kissed her hair.
It didn't matter what Narcissa or Bellatrix did, whether they outed her pregnancy to their parents or shamed her into submission or even locked her in her room.
Andromeda had long since left them all behind for Tonks.
She wasn't sure why she was outside Andromeda's house.
Narcissa's conversation with Hyacinth the prior day had completely addled her brain, and now, on a rainy spring morning, she was standing on the doorstep of her estranged sister's home, admiring the white and yellow daffodils that sat in the boxes underneath the curtained windows.
What was there to say? That she was sorry for Andromeda's loss? That she was sorry for her own behavior? That she missed her sister and wanted her back in her life?
Narcissa loudly knocked on the door, deciding that she might as well try to speak to her sister about something after coming all this way. What that something was, she didn't know yet.
The light drizzle was now beginning to turn into a proper shower. Narcissa was just about to disapparate when she heard footsteps approaching from inside. The door was thrust open forcefully, revealing a clearly frustrated Andromeda. Upon seeing Narcissa, her scowl softened into an expression of shock.
"Cissy…" she whispered, grabbing the side of the door.
"Andromeda," Narcissa replied softly.
Apart from the dark circles under her eyes and the wrinkles at their edges, her sister looked remarkably good for her age, much younger than in her mid-forties. There were hints of gray in her long, wavy mud brown hair, but in Narcissa's opinion, they oddly enhanced her appearance rather than detracting from it. Andromeda never had been beautiful, but she wasn't as plain as when she was a teenager. Her beige robes were simple and practical, yet oddly flattering on her.
She stared intently at Narcissa, likely trying to discern her purpose for showing up on her doorstep unannounced. Narcissa felt her heart quickly beat each time a rain drop landed on her; she still hadn't determined the reason for her visit.
After a lengthy moment of silence, Andromeda spoke again. "Er, please, come in," she muttered, waving Narcissa inside.
"Thank you," she said stiltedly. Upon entering the small foyer of the house, she cast a Drying Charm on herself.
She followed Andromeda down a narrow corridor and into what could only be the kitchen. It was unlike any kitchen that Narcissa had ever seen, however, with odd metal objects on the counters and Muggle appliances attached to the wall with long cords. The only familiar object was the cauldron stand in the middle of the room.
"Would you like some tea?" Andromeda asked, inviting me to sit at a small table.
"Yes, thank you," Narcissa replied, sitting down as she continued to glance around the room. The wall was covered with photographs taken after she was disowned, depicting her sister's friends, her husband and child, and even a couple with Sirius and Uncle Alphard. Narcissa's heart sank as she thought about how well she used to get along with those latter two.
Andromeda put a steaming cup of tea in front of her. "Your home is… lovely," Narcissa mumbled. It was foreign and gaudy, but even she had to admit that it reflected her sister very well. She might not approve of it, but if she wanted her sister back in her life, Narcissa would have to compromise in some of her opinions.
"Thank you," Andromeda said, taking the seat opposite her.
It suddenly dawned on Narcissa that there was another person who lived here, one who appeared to be absent. There were no sounds of a baby echoing through the house, and she doubted that Andromeda had hired a house-elf watch one. "Where is your grandson?" she asked.
Andromeda looked down. "Harry Potter has him today," she said, holding her teacup incredibly tightly, as if her life depended on it. "He's Teddy's godfather."
They sat in silence for a while, enjoying their tea.
Orange Pekoe, Narcissa thought to herself. Decades later, she still remembers my tea preferences…
It was kind of her. Far kinder than Narcissa deserved. If she'd been in Andromeda's place, Narcissa didn't think that she would have her preferred Darjeeling prepared.
A loud clang that seemingly came out of nowhere caused Narcissa to nearly jump out of her seat. Her sister had slammed her teacup onto the table.
"Why are you here, Narcissa?" Andromeda asked, her brown eyes angry. "What do you want?"
Narcissa looked at her teacup, which bore a design of entwined daffodils. "I don't know, Andie," she said, her voice quivering. She decided to just let whatever words came to mind spill out of her. It was uncharacteristic, not to mention improper, but at this point, Narcissa didn't care.
"I've been a fool this entire time," she continued. "Pureblood superiority… limiting the power of Muggles… maintaining the social order… none of it was worth what happened. All of those things are good and necessary- and absolutely need to be brought to the Ministry's attention- but fighting for them in a war? Twice? No, those things aren't so important that we need to fight amongst ourselves and nearly destroy our society to uphold those values. There are better ways to get those points across. It took nearly losing everything for me to realize that. I almost lost Lucius… and Draco…"
Across from her, Andromeda snorted. "I would gladly change places with you, Narcissa," she spat. There were tears in her eyes. "My husband and child are dead!"
"I know," Narcissa muttered, tears filling her own blue eyes. "I know."
"Why are you here?" she angrily repeated, as she tapped her fingers on the table. "If all you're planning to do is ask for pity and sympathy, you can leave. I've no patience for your 'woe-is-me' attitude, Narcissa. Not when your family and friends are the reason that I now have to pick out a casket for my only child."
Narcissa crossed her arms against her chest. She hung her head so that her long blonde hair hid her expression, which she suspected was somewhere between a crestfallen pout and an angry scowl. Visions of Draco in an open casket flooded her mind, and Narcissa did everything she could to push them away. As predicted, she would get no sympathy from Andromeda.
Years ago, before Bellatrix had become a Death Eater and Andromeda was disowned, their Slytherin peers had often debated as to which Black sister had the most poisonous tongue. Given Narcissa's tendency to put people down by insulting their blood status and appearance and Bella's nasty habit of cursing people she didn't like, the consensus was usually that either one of them had the most acerbic speech. Narcissa never agreed with their assessment, although she refrained from opining as such since it benefited her.
No, the Black sister with the deadliest tongue was Andromeda.
When she wasn't being overly blunt, Andromeda was relatively harmless and meek. However, when she got angry, she would lash out, purposefully picking the words she knew would hurt her target the most. It was insidious, unpredictable, and horrifyingly effective. In some ways, Narcissa found Andromeda more terrifying than Bellatrix.
She regained her composure. "I don't want pity," Narcissa finally said. "And I'm not asking for your forgiveness. Merlin knows that I don't deserve it after everything that's happened. But I miss you, Andie. You, me, Draco, and your grandson are all that's left of our family. Everyone else is gone."
"Incorrect. The Weasleys are our cousins. Arthur is the son of Cedrella Black."
Must she be so obtuse? "Everyone in the family we knew growing up is gone," Narcissa groaned. Is she also going to bring up senile Aunt Callidora?
"If this war has taught me anything, it's that differing political opinions are hardly worth cutting out those you love," she added sincerely, hoping that Andromeda would understand her intentions, even if she herself didn't. "It only brings pain. If it's possible, I'd like to rekindle our relationship. At the very least, no matter how you feel about me, I want you to know that my home is open to you and your grandson should you ever wish to visit. No one will not turn you away."
Andromeda's face filled with contempt. "If Ted and Nymphadora were still alive, would you have come here?" she asked bitterly. "It's awfully convenient that you've shown up barely a month after my muggleborn husband's funeral and only a couple of weeks after my 'freak' daughter and her werewolf husband have died."
The most infuriating thing about Andromeda- that Narcissa had somehow forgotten- was that she was almost always right. Even more infuriating was the fact that she knew she was almost always right. And in this case, Andromeda probably was correct; Narcissa likely wouldn't have bothered contacting her sister if her family were still alive and there was no benefit of being on good terms with the grandmother of a boy whose parents were being lauded as war heroes.
Narcissa exhaled and took another sip of tea. She couldn't think about this right now. "I can't answer that question, Andie," she said, shaking her head. "Because it didn't happen that way. But I like to think that I would have. After all, they were my family too, even if I've spent years trying to convince myself otherwise."
She was truly being earnest. However, from the wary scowl on her sister's face, she could tell that Andromeda was questioning her motives. Narcissa could hardly blame her.
After a moment, her expression softened. "Narcissa, why did you bring me to Ted after Bella… after she…" Andromeda sputtered. "Ted never told me why. He always said that it was something I had to hear from you if I ever got the chance."
The last thing that Narcissa wanted to talk about was that day- the worst of her life. A day that started with anxiety and ended with her inexplicably sneaking out of the family manor with a bloody and unconscious Andromeda. The day that Bellatrix did unforgivable things in the foyer of the manor.
The day that Narcissa lost both of her older sisters for good.
Narcissa looked out the window at the rain, struggling to find an explanation for her behavior twenty-five years ago. Why had she helped her sister run away, despite it going against everything Narcissa had been raised to believe? Was it because she felt bad for Andromeda? Because she regretted her prior poor treatment of her older sister? Because she wanted her to be free?
She didn't want to admit it, but Narcissa knew it was because of all those things and more. Andromeda was her sister, and she loved and idolized her.
"I've been asking myself that same question for the past twenty-five years," Narcissa said. "Truthfully, Andie, I've never completely understood my actions on that night. What I can tell you is that I knew I had treated you horribly, and I wanted you to be happy."
She took a deep breath, noticing that Andromeda was hanging onto every word that came out of her mouth. "When I saw you and Tonks when I spied on you in the dingy alley behind his flat, I finally realized that you could never find happiness if you stayed with our family," she continued. "The way you looked at him- and how gentle he was when he held you- I could see how much the two of you loved each other. Contrary to what Mother believed, your baby wasn't the result of you spreading your legs to the first person who'd look at you. You were always too careful and cautious for that to be the case, Andromeda. No, Nymphadora was proof that you loved Tonks so completely that you trusted him with everything. And if that was how you felt about him, you probably had been planning an escape for months anyway. You always have a plan, Andie.
"Not that I told Bella any of that when she asked me what I saw," she admitted, tapping the edge of her teacup with her perfectly manicured nails. "I simply mentioned that you'd snogged him and left. She probably would have murdered you if I'd said anything more. Honestly, I thought that once we told Mother, you'd get in trouble and immediately be forced to marry. I never expected that Bella would… that she would… Anyway, watching you scream and writhe in pain like that was probably the worst thing I've ever seen… I felt so guilty about it. I still have nightmares where I find you bloody and convulsing on the floor. I blame myself for what happened. It was all my fault."
Narcissa sighed. "So, I took you to him," she said. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ted and Nymphadora Tonks wave at her from one of the photographs, happy and nonjudgmental. She didn't need to ask to know that both of them had been exactly that in life as well. "If I had helped Mother and Bella confine you to your room as they wanted, what good would it have done? I would have still felt guilty, and you would have probably escaped anyway, either to Tonks or by killing yourself just like our cousin did. And even if you were a horrible blood traitor, I didn't want you to die!"
"Cissy…" Andromeda replied softly, her brown eyes tearing up again. "It's not your fault that Bellatrix- "
"Isn't it?" Narcissa harshly interjected. "I could have chosen not to help Bella. I could have warned you that you and Tonks were being spied on instead."
She didn't know why all of this was coming out now. Perhaps hanging on to her guilt and sadness for twenty-five years had taken its toll on her. Regardless, it felt good to let it all out, even though it likely meant that she would return to the Black Manor foyer in her dreams tonight. At the very least, Andromeda deserved to know her nonsensical motivations for her actions back then.
But now, it was time to look toward the future.
"It probably seems silly and disingenuous, but… I wish I had been able to get to know your family, at least a little," she said shakily. "They're gone. And I wasted every single opportunity and burned every bridge that would have allowed me to know Ted and Nymphadora. From what I've heard throughout the years and seeing them in the photographs in your home… I can tell that they were good people. I think I would have liked them if I had ever given myself the chance."
Andromeda leaned toward her. "Would you like to?" she tearfully exclaimed, her eyes somehow simultaneously both happy and sad. "Would you like to get to know them?"
"Yes," she whispered, her own tears landing in her lap. "But how, Andie? They're gone."
Several photo albums came soaring into the room from across the house, landing in Andromeda's outstretched hands in a neat pile. Placing them on the table, she took the top one and placed it in front of Narcissa. It was from the 1970s, and she carefully studied each picture of Andromeda, Ted, and their friends. She was surprised at how many she'd seen before; some were taken when they were small children, and others were already on the wall above her.
Maybe we can rekindle our relationship after all, Narcissa thought. I really hope we can.
Narcissa sat across from me at the table in my kitchen… again.
It had been three days since her first visit, and while I could appreciate that she seemed remorseful for her past actions, I hadn't yet figured out if she was sorry because she now had to face consequences or because she'd truly had a change of heart. There was also the distinct possibility that once our lives began to return to whatever normal was, she'd return to her old habits of being dismissive of my choices and lecturing me on propriety.
Nevertheless, when Narcissa had owled me earlier that day asking to visit, I'd accepted, even though it meant that I'd had to scramble to find someone to take care of Teddy. I couldn't mentally handle my sister, an infant, and funeral planning all at once. Fortunately, Ted's younger sister Millie had graciously agreed to watch him, and I dropped him off at her house an hour before Cissy showed up.
It had been an awkward half an hour since she'd arrived, and both of us had spent the time drinking tea in silence. I didn't really know what I was supposed to say to her; I didn't think she'd like my opinions on her legal woes or my suggestions on how she could use her privilege to help those that the war had rendered penniless, injured, or homeless. I also didn't particularly wish to discuss Ted, Nymphadora, and Remus with her in detail until I knew her true intentions.
Our silence was interrupted by a loud thwack against the living room window.
Narcissa's eyes narrowed, and she drew her wand. "What was that?" she barked.
I sighed. "Probably my idiot of an owl," I grumbled. "We leave the window to the study unlatched for him to go in and out of, but he never uses it. Instead, slams into whatever window is closest. He's a sweet bird, but there isn't much going on in that tiny brain of his."
We went into the living room, and I opened the front window. Sure enough, our owl, a very large auburn bird we'd named Ringo, was sprawled in the gladioli below. Seeing that the window was open, he immediately perked up and flew into the room with a bouquet of crimson roses and an envelope. He dropped both at my feet before taking off out the window, presumably to hunt.
The crimson roses made me think of Ted, and I suddenly felt light-headed. Tossing them onto the coffee table, I sat on the couch to read the note that accompanied them.
A-
My sincere condolences to you and your grandson for all that has happened. Please accept these flowers as a token of sympathy.
I'm working on something that I'd like to give you once completed. I initially intended it to be a birthday gift for Ted, but I think you'll appreciate it too. Sadly, I've run into some difficulties in preparing it and it won't be ready in time, but I promise to bring it by once it's ready.
All the best,
J
"What's that?" Narcissa asked curiously, gesturing to the roses. Her nostrils flared in disapproval. "A suitor already? Don't they know that you're supposed to spend a year in mourning before being courted again?"
I rolled my eyes. I had zero intention of ever getting into another relationship. Ted might be dead, but he was still my husband. "Hardly," I said, handing the note to her. It was more out of habit than anything else; the two of us had shared almost all our correspondence with each other when we were teenagers. "It's from Ted's old boss. We've remained acquainted through the years and sometimes he spends holidays with us. He's a family friend now."
"I see." My sister pursed her lips and gave me back the note. "I still find this far too romantic a gesture-"
"Then it's a good thing that it's directed at me and not you," I curtly interrupted. "Since you're so keen to read things into it that aren't there."
Before she could protest further, the telephone on the side table began to ring and Narcissa jumped again, pointing her wand at it. I rolled my eyes at her and picked up the receiver.
"Tonks residence," I said. I looked over at Narcissa. She'd retreated to one of the couches and was watching me intently.
"Hey!" the voice on the other end greeted. "It's me, Eva. I'm actually in the village near you right now."
"What are you doing there of all places?" I asked suspiciously. "I told you before, you don't need to check up on me."
I heard my sister-in-law laugh on the other end of the line. "For once, me being in this part of the country had nothing to do with you."
"Eva…"
"It's the truth, Andie. I was meeting a few potential clients in the area."
"Oh, that's great. Any of them going to pan out?"
"Only one of them, I think. An elderly lady from Berriew that wants me to paint a portrait of her prized Siamese cat. She's also the only one of them who can afford it."
"Not surprising. Who are the others?"
"One's a bloke in Ludlow that seemed shocked at my commission rate. The other's a local kid here who'd previously seen my paintings in a gallery in London."
Narcissa had taken out her pocket mirror and was now fixing her eye liner, not that it had smudged or anything. Obviously, she was bored.
"Anyway, mind if I stop by while I'm in the area?" Eva asked. "I'd like to see my adorable grandnephew."
"Er, he's actually not here right now," I replied. "Millie's watching him for the day."
"Oh? If I'd known you needed someone to watch him for a bit to get stuff done, I would have offered. He's so cute that he might have convinced the Ludlow bloke to commission me."
"It was pretty last minute, and I knew Millie was free," I sighed, anxiously running my fingers along the cord. "My sister is visiting."
There was a long pause before Eva said anything. "Your… sister," she stated. "After twenty-five years, she's simply decided to pop back into your life to reconnect? Just because?"
"That is a disturbingly accurate way to describe it, yes."
"I'll be there in five minutes."
Before I could assure her that I didn't need her to stop by, Eva hung up. I groaned. All of the Tonks women were stubborn, extraordinarily caring, and not afraid to defend their family if they thought someone wanted to hurt them. I supposed that I was just like that too.
I hung up and sat on the couch next to Narcissa, nervously fidgeting with my sleeve.
"You know how to use one of those tonophone things?" my sister asked, her eyebrows raised.
I was slightly confused by the purpose of her question. "It's called a 'telephone,'" I corrected. "And why wouldn't I know how to use them? They're frightfully convenient, and a much faster way of communicating than by owl post."
Narcissa's nose crinkled, and she summoned her teacup from the kitchen. "They're just… so… strange," she said, taking a sip of her tea. "And quite Muggle."
Her closed-mindedness caused my jaw to nearly drop to the floor; I couldn't figure out if Narcissa was simply oblivious to her own ignorance or attempting to show her disdain for Muggle technology. Perhaps it was a bit of both. Clearly, I'd forgotten how myopic her worldview was.
"Well, Ted's family- my family- are all Muggles," I retorted. "So, when I want to speak to them I need to use Muggle devices. And telephones aren't any stranger than making potions or flying a broom."
My sister's clear blue eyes drooped, and I could tell that my insinuation that she was not my family had hurt her. I felt guilty; she was trying to mend our relationship. How were we supposed to do that if I told her that she wasn't my family? By doing that, I'd be no different than she, Bella, and our parents had been decades ago.
I knew that I was a better person than that. But I also knew that Narcissa was too.
If I'd intended to apologize, I immediately lost that opportunity a few moments later when I heard a car pull into my tiny driveway. Subsequently, the doorbell rang. Fortunately, that particular noise didn't startle her.
I opened the front door and ushered my sister-in-law inside. She was wearing a pair of black slacks and a mauve camisole and cardigan set. I hoped that Narcissa wouldn't comment on her perfectly proper Muggle attire.
"Eva, this is my sister, Narcissa Malfoy," I said, gesturing to the couch. Cissy's eyes looked Eva up and down, but her gaze was completely devoid of any emotion or judgment.
Eva walked over to her and held her hand out to my sister. "Evangeline Tonks," she greeted with a small smile that contrasted sharply with the wariness in her blue-gray eyes. "I'm Ted's older sister. It's nice to meet you."
Narcissa gingerly shook her hand. The tension in the room was so palpable that I was tempted to go outside to get away from all of it.
"Likewise," my sister said, pursing her lips.
The three of us exchanged awkward glances, each of us waiting for one of the others to say something. After what felt like hours, Cissy finally spoke.
"I shall take my leave of you," she said, rising from the couch. "I'll come by in a few days, Andromeda."
"You really don't-" I started, leaving my protest unfinished when my sister disapparated with a loud pop.
I groaned. "Sorry," I apologized to Eva.
"So that's your sister?" she scoffed, tossing her gold hair over her shoulder. "I can't say she made a very good first impression."
"You know, given how judgmental and close-minded she is about Muggles, that was incredibly polite of her."
Eva placed her hand on my shoulder. "No offense, Andromeda, but based on just those five minutes, I can't say I blame you for wanting to get away from your family, especially if all of them are like that," she said.
I sank back down on the couch, a brief vision of Bellatrix standing over me with her wand raised flashing in my mind.
"Trust me, Eva," I mumbled, summoning my knitting basket from the other side of the room. "Our other sister was much, much worse."
When Ted's birthday came, I was so depressed that I could barely get out of bed.
Teddy seemed to understand that something was wrong. I didn't know if he picked up on the fact that I was upset or if he was once again wondering where his parents had gone, but he'd been crying nearly all morning, kicking when I tried to change him and refusing bottles of both Milk Potion and Muggle baby formula. Nymphadora had frozen some of her breast milk before the battle at Hogwarts, but Teddy had finished the last of it days ago.
Eventually, he ended up crying himself to sleep. Still horribly depressed and missing my husband, daughter, and son-in-law, I decided to make chocolate cake with blackberry filling. It was Ted's birthday, after all. It seemed like the right thing to do, and it would take my mind off things for a while.
As if the day couldn't get any worse, just as I finished mixing the dry ingredients together, I saw a greenish glow flash through the corridor. Walking into the living room, I saw Narcissa stepping out of the fireplace and onto the hearth.
I really didn't want her here right now.
"Narcissa," I frowned. "It's really not a good time right now. I'm busy."
"Then I won't stay too long, just for a cup of tea," she said. She was dressed in elegant black robes, and I suspected that she probably was going to some sort of function later. Regardless, I wished that she would find somewhere else to kill time instead of my house.
"Fine," I sighed. I didn't have the energy today to argue with her or ask what she wanted. "You can have a cup of tea in the kitchen. But I'm busy baking and not in the mood to talk."
"That's fine," she said.
We walked in silence to the kitchen, and I poured her a cup of tea from the kettle after warming it. My sister sat at the table, staring at her feet. I had no plans to ask her what exactly was on her mind. However, the tense silence between us that seemed to accompany her every visit was becoming insufferable.
Waving my wand at the eggs on the counter to instruct them to neatly crack themselves into a bowl, I leaned over the counter and turned on the wireless, absentmindedly selecting one of the preset stations out of habit.
The sound of bright guitars filled the kitchen, and my vision blurred. I'd selected a rock music station that Nymphadora had programmed, and I recognized this song. It was from one of the bands that my daughter loved. She'd blasted their music in her room whenever possible- even when she was only visiting us for a weekend after she'd moved out.
What I wouldn't have given to argue with her over casting Muffling Charms on her door just one more time.
I began to gather the rest of the wet ingredients for the cake, trying my best not to cry.
I have decided to leave you forever
I have decided to start things from here
Thunder and lightning won't change what I'm feelin'
And the daffodils look lovely today
And the daffodils look lovely today
Look lovely today
I can't do this right now, I thought to myself, leaning over and shutting the wireless off.
"Andromeda, what exactly are you doing?" Narcissa asked with a sigh.
"I'm baking a cake," I answered, trying my hardest to keep my voice steady.
"Yes, but why? Are you expecting visitors or something? You could have said so if that was the case. Is that why you're so busy?"
"It's Ted's birthday today."
Behind me, I could hear her tutting in what could only have been disapproval. I ignored her and began mixing the wet ingredients in a separate bowl.
"So you're making a cake?" she asked in a far more judgmental tone.
I couldn't understand why she was confused. The explanation was pretty self-explanatory. "It's Ted's birthday," I repeated, swallowing to prevent myself from crying.
"Andie," Narcissa said gently, her voice far more tender than I'd heard in years. "I don't understand. Yes, it's his birthday, but your husband is gone. Who's going to eat the cake? You, all by yourself?"
I didn't think Cissy intended to be cruel, but that didn't stop her words from deeply wounding my already battered heart.
What was I even doing? Why was I making a cake? My sister was right; Ted was gone, and no amount of going through the motions as if it were a normal day could change the fact that he, Nymphadora, and Remus weren't coming back. I couldn't hold it in anymore; I leaned over the counter and began to sob.
I heard the chair scrape against the floor behind me, along with the shuffling of footsteps.
"I'm sorry," Narcissa apologized brusquely. "I can see that I truly shouldn't have come by today. Thank you for the tea. I'll be in touch."
She disapparated, finally leaving me alone. I sank down onto the tile floor, resting my face against the cool stone, letting my tears pool in the crevices between.
Once I had no more tears left, I finished making the cake.
Thank you for reading!
Daffodils (also called "narcissi" or "jonquils") represent self-love, vanity, regard, and unequalled love. Apart from the name similarity, I thought these meanings were perfect for Narcissa. She has a lot of love and regard for herself, but at the same time (just like Andromeda), she doesn't love herself enough. And, of course, she's quite vain. White narcissi are sometimes associated with death, and that seems to have been following Narcissa around for the past year.
The music on the radio that Andromeda listens to is "Daffodil Lament" by The Cranberries. I can totally see Tonks being a fan of the band.
We will continue with Narcissa next week.