Hermione blinked several times at Theo, who was lounging against her cupboards once again. He looked relaxed, but there was a slight frown tugging at his mouth and his foot was tapping quietly against the tile floor in a steady rhythm.
Embarrassment and shock were warring for superiority inside her gut. It felt like she was reliving her night last night all over again, just with Theo now bearing witness to the wild and deeply unpleasant unraveling of her once cherished relationship. Yes, it had been a long time coming, but the speed at which things were devolving was taking her aback. And she hadn't had a second to sit down and examine the damage. It was all happening too quickly for that, for her to make sense of a solid next step. She was just forcing herself to trudge forward, dragging the weight of her collapsing engagement behind her as she forged on. Though she didn't feel the immense pressure of it quite yet, there was a tingling sensation in her fingertips that always preceded a downward spiral. But like the stalwart and hell-bent witch she was, Hermione tramped it down as far as she could manage. She had a job to do. Once she got back on British soil, she could take a moment to unwind with a bath and a nice, unrestrained cry.
"I'm sorry, Theo," Hermione said after a long stretch of silence in which the two of them eyed Pierre's tangle of limbs on the ground as if he'd spring up at any moment and hex them both into oblivion. Which he might.
Theo's head whipped up to redirect his angry glare at Hermione. "Sorry? For what?"
Hermione swept her wand arm toward Pierre with a crisp jab. "For that. For having to see all that. For…for having to deal with all this." She wanted to cover her face with her hands but she forced herself to appear unruffled. Little by little, the adrenaline was wearing off and she hastily lowered her arm when she felt her hand begin to tremble.
Theo looked incredulously at her, his narrowed green eyes darting back and forth between hers rapidly, like he was trying to make sense of her apology.
"I'm hard of hearing in this ear, Hermione, so I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt as to whether I've heard you correctly," Theo said and swirled his long-fingered hand around his left ear in an exaggerated flourish. "Had a rather dicey run in with an ill-tempered hippogriff last year," he said by way of explanation. Hermione squinted at him, but couldn't tell if he was lying or not.
He pushed off the counter and began to circle Pierre like a jungle cat. As he made a full rotation around Pierre, Hermione sucked in a couple silent deep breaths through her nose to calm her nerves. What a disaster, she thought, barely suppressing a groan.
"Well, old boy isn't going to make his way out of here unconscious. I'll call Draco and—"
"No, no!" Hermione interrupted him with a jolt. "No need to call Draco—Malfoy," she said quickly, correcting herself as her voice rose several octaves too high. Theo watched her with a blank-eyed stillness Hermione had only ever seen in statues. Then he blinked and slowly drew a hand over his jaw.
"I think it best we call Draco Malfoy. He seems to be familiar with Mr. Auclair's unsavory behavior."
"There's no need to call Draco Malfoy—"
Theo wrinkled his nose. "I'm going to call for Draco Malfoy."
"No, no, it's fine…stop…why do you keep saying Draco Malfoy," Hermione snapped.
"That's his name. Why do you keep saying Draco Malfoy?"
"Ok!" Hermione said, closing her eyes and swiping a hand in front of her as if to combat Theo's next retort. "Ok, we're not calling for Malfoy. Just give me a minute to think."
"Right, then let me call the French Aurors to—"
"Theo, we're not calling the Aurors," Hermione said, putting Pierre's wand down on the table. She felt her mind racing for a solution that didn't include involving Malfoy in her personal was bad enough that Theo was here and had witnessed the absolute breakdown of her relationship in real-time. She didn't need Malfoy here to be the cherry on top of her misery sundae. So, she called for the person she could count on to get things done with near brutal precision and without any fuss.
With a flourish of her wand, Hermione cast a Patronus charm. The silvery otter materialized with a delighted little hop and wiggled its nose expectantly at Hermione. "Get Pansy. Tell her it's urgent," she said. Immediately, the otter sprang off, leaving a quickly fading trail of bluish light.
"Pansy?" Theo asked in surprise. "Pansy Parkinson?"
"Yes," said Hermione casually. "There's crossover in our work. But we've been friends for a couple of years now."
Theo nodded and some of the grimness faded from his face. Though he still stood with his arms crossed against his chest.
Several minutes ticked by in dense silence that teetered on uncomfortable. Hermione could tell there were several things Theo wanted to say, but was keeping his mouth patiently shut like the gentleman he was. Every once in a while when she stole a glance over at him, she could see he was biting the inside of his cheek, staring down at Pierre every time he so much as twitched.
Finally, the floo blasted to life and Pansy tore into the room, her face panic-stricken. Her wand was raised and aimed at the room at large as she crossed the kitchen in a few hurried steps. She first looked to Hermione, giving her a quick once over, and after deducting she was alright, her eyes landed on Theo.
"Nott?" She said with outright shock.
"Panzanella Parkinson," Theo said with a mischievous grin. Pansy's face twisted up in annoyance.
"That's not my name." She said it with a sigh, and in a tone that suggested to Hermione this was a game they had often played before.
"Don't be embarrassed by the name your ever-so-creative parents chose for you, Pans." Theo winked at her. Pansy rolled her eyes and lowered her wand.
She turned to Hermione. "What is going on, Granger? Why is Theo here?" She asked.
Hermione smiled nervously and glanced down to where Pierre was still splayed out against the tiles. Pansy followed her line of sight and jolted backwards in her sky-high pumps as if she'd been struck.
"What the fuck?" She hissed, then after a moment stepped closer to peer over him. "Is he dead?"
"No!" Hermione shouted, and as if to prove it, Pierre twitched and groaned.
All three of them froze in place as Pierre began to sit up. Hermione raised her wand when Pierre opened his eyes and turned to look at her with true hostility in his still-foggy gaze. He was shifting to his feet, coiling with rage, but before he could rise, Theo hauled off and knocked him out once more.
"Shit," Pansy breathed. Hermione groaned in frustration.
"Theo! Stop knocking him out, you're going to give him brain damage," Hermione yelled as she cast a very basic diagnostic charm on him she had learned during the war. Pierre's vitals appeared in an orange glow just above his head. He was largely fine, heart rate a little high, but it was coming down as the seconds passed. The only reading in the red was his eye-wateringly high blood alcohol level. Hermione cancelled the charm quickly, satisfied he wasn't going to die.
"How many times has Theo knocked him out?" Pansy asked.
"Twice," said Theo with a shit-eating grin.
"Why is he allowed to knock him out and I'm not?" Pansy said with a sneer in Theo's direction, which only made Theo grin wider.
"No one is allowed to knock him out anymore," Hermione said. "Pansy, clearly I need help getting him out of here."
"Why don't you call the Aurors?" Pansy asked, canting her head to one side in what could be presumed as an innocent gesture. But Pansy was anything but innocent and the ever-present cool calculation in her eyes would always give her away.
"I wasn't allowed to call Draco Malfoy," Theo interjected, unhelpfully. Hermione glared at him.
"Draco Malfoy would be able to clear him out of here. And take him to a holding cell. Where he belongs," Pansy said, leveling her own glare at Hermione.
"Ok, stop calling him that."
"Why? It's his name, isn't it?"
"That's what I said!" Theo exclaimed and went to stand next to Pansy in solidarity.
"Pansy, please," Hermione said and closed her eyes. "Just…can you help me with this?"
Pansy shifted on her feet, pursing her full lips, lacquered a deep and glittering red. Her sleek black bob slipped across her finely boned face as she looked carefully around Hermione's kitchen to take a more in-depth stock of the situation. Pansy had a very carefully developed and discerning eye for detail. It was what made her so successful. She, much like Hermione, made it her business to never allow anything to slip past her notice. But unlike Hermione, Pansy conducted her business with ruthless efficiency where Hermione preferred a more delicate approach to her affairs.
Pansy's dark eyes made their way from Pierre to Theo at her side, then to Hermione, then down to the table Hermione stood beside. Pierre's wand and Hermione's discarded engagement ring lay side by side. Pansy flicked her attention to Hermione's bare left hand and her ruby lips twitched briefly upward at the corners. Her effortlessly beautiful features took on the expression of a deeply satisfied cat.
Wordlessly, she cast her own Patronus charm, impressing Theo if the look of awed surprise was anything to go by. Pansy's intimidatingly large panther prowled at her feet and sat, waiting patiently for her orders. Pansy bent at the waist so her nose was close to her panther's.
"Go get Henrik and Darrow and tell them I've got a job for them. It involves heavy lifting and needs done immediately." Pansy kissed the air just above the panther's nose and it closed its silver eyes with a gratified purr before loping off to do her bidding.
Pansy turned on Hermione once she straightened to her full height. "What. The fuck. Happened?"
The silence in which Pansy listened to Hermione explain the events of her day after their brief encounter that morning was painful. Hermione found herself fidgeting like she was under the intense scrutiny of McGonagall herself. In the background, Theo had taken to opening every one of Hermione's cupboards in search of Merlin knew what, but his inane curiosity had kept him from interjecting his two cents at any point in the story.
"I had foolishly thought that by leaving him with his parents at the Ministry I was sending a clear enough message," Hermione muttered. "I was obviously wrong."
"Obviously," Pansy parroted slowly. She looked down at her watch and made her way toward the cupboards on the far end of the kitchen, pushing Theo out of the way with her hip as she pulled the right door open. She pulled out three wine glasses and levitated a bottle of red wine out of Hermione's pantry to join her at the table. With a quick flick of her wrist, the bottle was uncorked and three even pours were delivered with haste to each glass. Hermione caught hers with one hand and brokered no argument as she sipped her drink along with Pansy and Theo.
"Cheers to a most interesting reunion," Theo said over the rim of his glass. "Oh, this is good. Beaujolais?"
Pansy scoffed. "Bordeaux, you boor." She turned to Hermione. "Where are you staying in London, Granger?"
Hermione shrugged and cast a glance at Theo. "I hadn't thought about it. Probably wherever the Ministry puts me up. I'd stay with Harry but they just had their second and I don't want to be a burden."
"Eugh, no. You're not staying at some ministry sanctioned hotel. You can stay at my flat," she said casually and took a dainty sip of her wine.
"You have a flat in London too?" Hermione asked.
"Of course. I, much like our dear friend Draco Malfoy, don't particularly enjoy spending my free time at the Parkinson Estate. I can't demolish it because of the blood wards and the magic, but that doesn't mean I have to stay there when I'm in London." Pansy lifted her posh chin. Her parents were currently serving a life sentence in Azkaban, just like Malfoy's father. But she made no mention of her parents at all, and while she hadn't so much as glanced in Theo's direction, Hermione knew it was because Theo's parents were just as bad, if not worse. The only difference was that Theo's parents were not serving a life sentence in Azkaban, they were dead. And it was most probable that his parents were serving an eternal sentence in the depths of the underworld itself.
To his credit, Theo didn't so much as pause in his indulgence of French wine at the mention of evil parents and empty, forgotten ancestral estates. If Hermione's memory served, Theo's inherited estate was palatial, and was only rivaled in size by the sheer magnitude that was Malfoy Manor. Of course, Pansy was not wanting for space. An integral family in the establishment of the Sacred 28, The Parkinsons enjoyed just as much luxury as either wizard's longstanding family name.
As Hermione swallowed a generous mouthful of wine, she briefly wondered how she'd gotten sandwiched between the two Slytherins in her kitchen, with her ex-fiancee unconscious at her feet.
"Thanks, Pans," Hermione said and Pansy nodded.
"I have to be in London next week anyway. I'll keep you company for a couple nights. Besides, Nym will be thrilled to have someone to dote on. He's just perfected his Shepherd's pie recipe. I'll let him know you're coming."
A knock sounded at the door and Pansy turned on her heel to answer it. When she returned, two hulking wizards followed close at her heels, dressed in black robes and wearing serious expressions. Hermione found herself stepping a little closer to Theo.
"Darrow, Henrik, this is—"
"I think just this once we can forsake our ineradicable manners and skip introductions, hmm?" Theo said with a congenial smile. Pansy rolled her eyes but continued.
"Pack him up and take him to…" Pansy paused. "Where do you want us to take him?"
Hermione thought for a moment, then summoned a pen and paper and scribbled Luc's address, which had unfortunately been imprinted in her brain from the number of times she had apparated there to retrieve Pierre. She handed it to Pansy who handed it to either Darrow or Henrik, Hermione couldn't remember who was who.
The two made quick work of levitating Pierre's lifeless form and casting a strong disillusionment charm over him. Hermione watched Pierre slowly disappear before her eyes. The only thing she could see was a thready ripple in the air that could easily be excused as a wave of heat or a trick of the eye. Without a word they exited Hermione's flat the same way they came in, just with one more in tow.
But instead of the door closing, another knock sounded, more timid this time. Pansy raised an eyebrow at Hermione. "Expecting someone else?"
"Hello? I'm looking for Miss Granger and Mr. Nott?" Came the disembodied voice of a very unsure sounding wizard from the door.
"Ah," said Theo, "our attaché." He disappeared for a moment and when he returned, he nudged a lanky French Auror in full uniform into Hermione's kitchen. "What's your name, chap?" Theo asked.
The wizard was quickly flustered, glancing from Pansy's unreasonably beautiful but uninterested face to Hermione's more open and smiling expression. It was a confusing dynamic, what with Theo smiling a little like a maniac behind him. Hermione shot him a warning glare.
"I—My name is Paul DeBois. I'm your liaison from the French Auror Department. Draco Malfoy sent me," he answered, but each statement sounded like he was asking a question. Theo and Pansy snickered at each other like two misbehaved children. Hermione dutifully ignored them but barely stopped herself from rolling her eyes into the back of her head.
"Nice to meet you, Paul. I'm Hermione. And this is Pansy Parkinson and Theo Nott," Hermione said, gesturing at each in kind. Paul nodded jerkily.
"Well," Pansy began and threw back the rest of her wine. "I see everything is well in-hand here. I'll see myself out. I've got some business to follow up on this evening." She winked at Hermione. "I'll see you next week, Granger." Pansy kissed Hermione's cheek in goodbye as she normally did. "Nott," she said over her shoulder.
"No kiss for me, Pans?" Theo said and frowned dramatically. Pansy smiled and blew him a kiss that was borderline salacious, her eyes heavy-lidded and her lips puckering just a touch too long. Theo was stunned into silence, slack-jawed and bested at his own game.
"Let me know when you get settled, yeah?" Pansy said, turning back to Hermione like she hadn't just scandalized Theo. Hermione nodded and smiled at her retreating form as she disappeared through the front door.
Theo cleared his throat, recovering rather quickly for someone whose blush was still blooming like a pink garden rose across his cheeks and neck. "Go on and finish up packing, Granger. I'll bring young Paul here up to speed," Theo said and threw a casual arm around Paul's shoulder. Hermione had her doubts about leaving poor impressionable Paul with Theo, but she longed for a moment to herself and she felt suddenly unsteady on her feet. So, she summoned a glass of water and nodded, turning on her heel to retreat to the comfort of her bedroom.
"I would have fought you forever. I would have wrestled you through time. I would have turned you, and been turned. I would do anything. I have done so much, and would have done as much again, and more. And yet, here I am, a fool..."
Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone/ This is How You Lose the Time War