I've been looking for You for my whole life, In the darkness in the midnight, In the hard fight, You were right there - If I gave you my heart - We the Kingdom.
St Mungo's Hospital
9th May 1998 8:40 am
I feel like I have been wandering the crowded corridors for hours and now I know that two things are true, I hate hospitals, and I hate people. I weave in and out of the throngs of people who continue coming towards me from every angle, I keep my head down trying to be invisible but failing spectacularly. Not only am I wearing bright orange but I am repeatedly bashed and bumped, I apologise quietly and am met with huffs of anger and malice.
My mind is fuzzy like I'm in a dream, my mouth so dry my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. I try to walk with purpose, but in reality, I have no idea where I'm going, I have no idea what I am doing, I just know that I need to do it now.
Romi's kicks are slow today, my head spins. I catch sight of myself in a glass pane. It prompts me to move faster, I look ill, my face pale and gaunt with dark eye bags, hidden under my bright orange hooded top. I look like I am trying to hide something.
As I move the pain in my body magnifies, my chest aches and I can feel the bones in my sternum moving in a way they shouldn't. Every time I breathe I gasp, drawing attention to myself but luckily people only meet my gaze with suspicious daggers That is until I hear whispers from behind me and I'm sure I hear "That's her …"
I turn to see a group of people staring at me, a tall thin witch throws her hand over her mouth. "That's the Dark Lord's wife." "Walking around bold as brass. It's a disgrace." "Why hasn't she been arrested?" "She's let herself go…"
I take off down the corridor at a run weaving and changing before stopping at the entrance visitor information desk.
There are two women behind the desk, a young woman with a short brown bob who has a smile like sunshine, and an old woman who gives the impression she is chewing a wasp.
I don't know why but I feel like I can't trust the old woman, she catches my eye and I feel my heart racing, I pretend to be busy with looking at the leaflets in plastic holders on the walls.
I try to look inconspicuous but find myself looking at a leaflet emblazoned with the words "Interspecies sexual health: the things you should know before you say go." I put it back quickly and turned to find Lady Sunshine alone.
I take my chance, approaching with my heart in my throat.
"How can I help you, love?" Her name is Melissa, she wears a small shiny name badge and the brightest smile I have seen in a while. She speaks with a thick Liverpudlian accent.
"I'm sorry to bother you but I need to get to Tabitha Critchley's office" My words feel oddly slow "But I can't apparate…" I pull my jumper over my cuffs, they give away too much.
"... because you're pregnant?" She asks finishing my sentence for me, I nod, before she looks at me with suspicion, "Are you a patient here?"
I consider telling her the truth but shake my head "No. I was just visiting someone..." For a moment I don't think she believes me, but it is fleeting, instead, she smiles and hands me a medical portkey.
"Have a nice visit, honey"
I stare at her, part of me thinks this is wrong, she shouldn't be giving me this so easily. My hands shake as I activate it and feel the familiar pull of transportation. The last time I did this I was leaving Sirius behind in Greece, I take a too-sharp breath and my chest is on fire once more.
Melissa watched me as the wasp chewer ran back into the room, "What are you doing? She is a high-risk patient grab her…"
The room disappears just as several guards appear. As a grey and white room comes into view, there is a small gasp from the blonde receptionist. She looks at me as though I'm something she has stood on.
"Do you have an appointment?" She spits after regaining enough control of herself.
The door behind her opened and Tabitha Critchley entered the room. She wore a grey skirt suit that is pressed to perfection and the most sickening smile I have ever seen "Mrs Riddle. I'm so glad to see you have come to your senses. Come…" She grabs me trying to usher me into the room she has just come from but I stand rooted to the spot. My mind is swimming with non-sensical memories and moments from another life.
"This is a mistake," I whisper but before I can continue I'm moving with a push. Her floral perfume makes my head spin. The similarities between her office and that of Dolores Umbridge are not lost on me. The pastel pink paint on the walls and the floral girly cup mats make my stomach churn…
I'm trying hard now to compose myself but I need to lie down, I've overdone it. The back of my head throbs as though I have hit my head and I have an odd feeling of Deja Vu. Tabitha guides me roughly to a chair and I stand beside it. It looks familiar. It feels familiar.
She pushes my shoulder and I plonk down in the chair with a bounce. I run my hand over the fabric, feeling the material change consistency as I make patterns with my fingers. There's an odd smell to the room that hits me suddenly and unexpectedly, it smells like Sirius, so strong I'm sure he must be nearby. It smells of sandalwood and…
It's not Sirius though, it's amortentia… The smell of him clears my mind slightly.
I recognise the Quill on her desk, a blood quill, I feel the scratching on my flesh. Will I be signing my freedom away in my blood? Wait why am I even considering this?
Tabitha is speaking to me but I have no idea what she is saying, my heart is racing. Once again I have run straight into the viper's den and I know without a shadow of a doubt, I have made the wrong choice to come here today. This is a mistake, I know it's a mistake… My chest tightens and I wince again.
"Lucius and Draco will be here shortly." She sits down with a small breath, "I have prepared the relevant documents…"
I look at the small pile of documents, all have my name on them, and all have various legal terms I can't begin to understand… And on her desk sitting pride of place a picture of her and Lucius Malfoy. They are close, too close, she wraps her arms around his middle and he looks at her with that look. I have often wondered why someone would willingly spend time with or Merlin forbid marry him but I am pretty certain that look is a factor. His face tells you that you are the most desirable thing in the world, like a fine wine or an exquisite jewel, his words speak of love and your possession of his soul, but then like a silver-tongued pirate his eyes tell the truth. You are his for the pillaging, his property to keep in a golden chest and do with as he pleases. He almost got me a few times but his eyes always gave him away.
"Lucius is so pleased to hear you are thinking sensibly after your conversation with Draco."
And just like that my red flags are waving, Lucius was pleased, they should have been waving this whole time but…"Tell me did you go for option one or two and three in the end." She smarms
"Two and three?" I say softly. I feel as though my mind is skipping, like one of Grandpa's records, nothing is connecting to one another, it feels like a nightmare I will wake from soon.
"I thought…"
Tabitha laughs as though I'm a child telling a funny joke, "Oh no, don't you remember, I know that Draco did explain that he won't agree to option two without option three."
I watch her face as the implication of the statement hits me. "How do you know what Draco said?"
She smiles like a cat that got the cream, as she fiddles with something on her desk a small pink box. She opens it, turns it to face me and I feel my heart dropping as I watch Draco close my bedroom door with a slam. "I'll admit, I was the one who convinced him he needed to convince you but for you to submit this much was another level of depraved." She closes the little box with a click "But then again sex is your thing isn't it Rose…" I shake my head, "No…" She quizzes me, turning her head to the side and smiling sweetly. "But you have slept with almost every man you have ever met, haven't you?"
I think there is something wrong with Tabitha, something cracked and broken a deep trauma. It is the only thing that would explain why she is defending people like the Malfoys.
So Mrs Riddle, do you choose options two and three, you choose to retract your statement about the compound, and submit to taking Draco's mark, ensuring safety for your daughter or will it be option one that will we be aborting it today."
I feel something stiring in my chest, "Her…" I find myself growl the word softly.
"What was that?" Tabitha pressed. Her eyebrows raised in questioning.
"She's a her, not an it…" I shake my head again, it's a mistake. "I choose none, I shouldn't have come…" I try to stand but my legs don't work.
She has her wand trained on me now, "Oh you can't go, Lucius will not be happy if I let you go…" The paperwork that was piled on her desk moves towards me, flicking to a page that awaits my signature. "Might as well just get this over with… they will be here soon to take you home."
I fight against my body as my arm is pulled towards the quill and scream as loud as my lungs will allow.
St Mungo's Hospital
9th May 1998 8:42 am
He approached the bed slowly, the bedding thrown back in haste, her bag was open slightly, clothes half hanging out. Sirius reached out to touch the place she would have been seconds before. It was still warm.
Sirius felt his heart pounding in his chest, "Where is she?" He asked.
Molly began to flap, her words elevated and pitch unintelligible. Harry, Ron and Hermione spoke at the same time, everyone trying to clamber for an explanation.
Sirius ran to the bathroom swinging the door open with an all-mighty slam. Empty.
"Where is she?" He shouted, silencing the mangle of voices. Sirius took off racing down the corridor, "Rose! Rose!" He shouted. "Have you seen a woman with red hair?" He asked the first healer he encountered.
"No sorry." The man had said continuing about his day. There was no discussion, just an underlying feeling of desperation, Sirius, Ron, Harry and Hermione spread out asking the same questions over and over. "Have you seen a red-haired woman?" "About this tall, orange hoodie?" "She would have been pale?" "Maybe distressed?"
As they searched Sirius could hear the ticking of a clock in his mind, the falling of sand, desperation building to a boiling point.
They had checked so many floors and rooms before long the answers had transformed from "No sorry…" to "Yes she went that way…" "Looked in pretty rough condition…" "Bumped into me she did and didn't even say sorry."
It wasn't until a tall spindly woman looked Sirius up and down and said cuttingly, "You mean the Dark Lord's wife…" that Sirius stopped moving. In fact, it stopped them all in their tracks, Sirius furrowed his brow, "Excuse me…"
"The Dark Lord's wife is wandering this hospital as though she owns the place, she walked through here a couple of minutes ago, and looked guilty as sin she did." The hatred in her voice took Sirius back. "Now Sirius Black wanders in here looking for that same red-haired woman… tell me why?"
"Which way did she go?" Hermione asked.
"I was a member of the Wizengamot when you were trialled Black, I would remember your face anywhere, tell me why you are looking for her and I will tell you where she went."
"She went this way come on Sirius," Harry called from a nearby corridor.
With a final look at the old woman, Sirius took off once more, in the final area there was chaos, several security guards crowded around the desk, and an old woman stood shouting at a crying young woman. "How can you be so entirely brainless for goodness sake you didn't even check her ID…"
"I'm sorry, I didn't think to ask for it, she seemed upset and like she needed help." The girl sobbed loudly.
"Excuse me…" Harry approached the group.
"Not now boy…" a security guard huffed.
The old woman continued shouting "For the love of Merlin that is even worse. She attempted…" The woman appeared to falter at saying the word before dramatically, loudly and nasally saying, "Suicide" as though it was a dirty or forbidden word. "It's all over the prophet for goodness sake…"
Sirius's stomach dropped. "Excuse me," He began to approach closer.
"I didn't know it was her…"
The old woman continued, "She is more notorious than Sirius bleeding Black, how would you not know what she looked like Melissa? Her picture is right there…"
The woman pointed at the back of the desk, to where a small wall of "Undesirable" posters were. Sirius' heart dropped as he recognised Rose's face listed as Undesirable Number One. The picture while flattering gave her an air of malice, she looked at him seductively under hooded eyes with a slight bite of her lip, before smiling and winking. The photograph looped over and over and Sirius knew the two women were talking about his Rose.
"I wasn't looking that way and besides she didn't look like that now Diane… She looked ill, like a ghost."
Sirius had had enough, "You are talking about Rose Weasley aren't you?"
The older woman who was seemingly called Diane turned, "We are having a private conversation, sir. There is another information hub just across the way but they will not release information on high-security patients to anyone other than family"
"Rose was on suicide watch," Sirius growled, "She has disappeared and now you're standing around talking about her, I think I am owed an explanation as to why?"
"And who are you to her?" Diane turned her arms folded in displeasure.
"I am her partner and the father of her child," Sirius said angrily.
A tall burly man with a large wirey beard entered the room carrying a sheet of parchment. "We have traced the portkey and will need to inform the Aurors office that she has left the building."
The woman scowled, "For goodness sake the amount of paperwork this is going to cause is astronomical." She rubbed her spindly fingers to her temples before returning to Sirius, "Sir, I would have to be entirely blind to believe you are Draco Malfoy"
Sirius had had enough, he slammed his fist into the desk.
Melissa gasped. "You're Sirius Black" An air of terror crept into her face.
With that Diane's face fell. "Sirius Black is dead,"
"Yes I am Sirius Black and my partner is currently missing, if something has happened to her, I will hold you entirely responsible" he pointed his finger at Diane. Two of the security guards began to approach him.
"It was my fault, I gave her the portkey." Melissa squeaked with tears in her eyes
"Melissa if you speak another word…" Diane demanded
"Where?" Sirius demanded.
"Tabitha Critchley's office," Melissa said quickly.
"Who is Tabitha Critchley?" Ron demanded.
"I will have your job if you say so much as one more word… it's a breach of patient con …" Diane spoke as a defiant look came over Melissa's face.
"She is a high-profile lawyer, and works mostly with the Malfoy family," Melissa said pointedly.
"Why would Rose go to Malfoy's lawyer?" Sirius hissed angrily. Every second spent away from her was one second more that she could be hurt or hurting herself
"I don't know but she seemed pretty desperate, take this…" She held out a portkey to Sirius who took it with a small thanks.
"No…" Diane said angrily. "I said no.'
"Give me two and I'll bring her back." Sirius said quickly and Melissa out a second one. Sirius held it out to Ron, Harry and Hermione who all took a corner holding on for dear life, as it was activated.
There was a gasp as they appeared in the lobby. A small blonde-haired girl who looked barely out of Hogwarts jumped to her feet. "Do you have an appointment? You cannot just port key in here and expect…"
There is a scream, so terrified and bloodcurdling they all jump. It was Rose. She sounded frightened.
"You can't go in there," the blonde said sharply.
"Try and fucking stop me" Sirius growled ignoring her, pushing past the secretary Sirius threw open the door.
There she was, his Rose, still screaming, and in her hand, she held a quill. In front of her was a stack of paper.
A woman with blonde hair and a pressed suit sat in front of her, her wand pointed at Rose. She jumped, breaking the connection, Rose jumped up from the chair and backed away from the woman. The quill fell to the ground with a clatter.
"Rose," it was barely a whisper but her name fell from his lips and she watched him as though he were a ghost.
She stood staring at him, her breathing hitching. He had waited for so long for this moment, to be back in the same room as her, to be so close he could touch her, but now it felt too real.
The blonde woman was shouting something, but Sirius didn't care to hear it. Ron, Harry and Hermione could deal with that.
Rose saw him. He saw her. That was all that mattered in the world.
His stomach somersaulted in his core, as silent conversations were shared. He took the first step, she was rooted to her spot, her hands trembling. Her eyes turned glassy, her jaw slackened as she watched him approaching.
All these months separated by glass and death, she was there. In the same room. Stood before him like a holy relic. He couldn't read her mind, but Merlin, right now, he would do anything to be able to do just that.
The blonde woman who had been sitting opposite Rose grabbed his arm. She dug her nails in breaking their moment
"Try and make me leave…" Sirius hissed and batted her away without touching her.
Rose's lip quivered as he returned to look at her. All this time he had been longing for confirmation that she felt the same way he did. It was clear to see that she didn't feel the same…
She remained frozen, suspended in time before he watched her break. He couldn't read her mind… but the silent prayer she chanted gave his answer. She felt so much more for him than he could dream of feeling.
"Am I dead?" She broke her silence. Her voice was solid. Strong. The question, a breeze in the universe. Sirius knew she wanted the answer at that moment to be "yes." For them to be beyond the veil together. But the life he had planned for her would be better than any heaven she could imagine there.
He shook his head with a smile, his throat burning as he continued to watch her.
"Is this real…" Her voice hitched but she didn't break. His warrior…
She waited for his response, staring, unspeaking, unresponsive. Her hand juddered, wanting to reach forward.
"Yes" wasn't enough for this moment. She would still have questions, she would never believe him. He needed to feel her, to touch her, to feel her warmth.
His hands slipped across her chin and for a moment she stopped breathing. He brought himself forward, and he felt her breath hitch again, kissing her with all the emotions that only death can bring. He felt the magic awakening in her lips and tears slipped down her cheek into his hand. There was the faintest glow, from her cheek as the rune he had painstakingly painted on her body began to form.
"Is this a trick?" Rose whispered with a sob, finally, as their lips parted.
Sirius shook his head and laughed a breathy relieved laugh. "I promise this is real. I am right here, beautiful."
She shook her head "Please don't, I can't take anymore,"
He continued his gentle smile, combing his fingers through her hair and pushing it from her face. "I promise, this is not a trick," She shuddered at the contact. The realisation that he was there, tears sprang to her eyes.
"You were dead… I saw you die" She was sobbing now.
"It will take a lot more than a little stumble to kill Sirius Black"
A sound burst from her, a glorious mixture of laughter and a long-held sob. A smile began to form at the edges of her mouth, "You broke a pinky promise." Sirius moved them backwards, pressing her towards the wall gently, her hands found his face now, shaking as they touched. Exploring, checking for reality.
"I know," His throat burned as Sirius spoke the words. "I know…"
"You know what happens when you break a pinky promise." She whispered.
"You die…" He affirmed, pressing his forehead to hers.
"I needed you…"
She broke him. He knew, his stupidity, his impulsiveness was the reason she had experienced everything she had in his absence, "I'm so sorry Rose."
She silenced him with another kiss, it took all his mental capacity not to sweep her into his arms, to remember that they were in public and very likely being watched at this moment.
Her hand reached his face pushing him away briefly, there was hurt in her eyes. She needed answers "It's been two years, where have you been?"
"It's only been 8 and a half months" his left hand found her stomach and he felt his daughter moving for the first time. It took his breath away. He smiled at her as tears came to his eyes, "Hi Pup"
Rose watched him with wide eyes. She had turned inexplicably paler "Pup?" she choked.
"It's complicated, but I'm here now." He laced his fingers with hers and she squeezed them tightly.
A voice broke through their daze, "What are you doing here Potter…"
Sirius felt his stomach constrict. The hand he had laid on Pup flexed protectively.
The familiar drawl of Lucius Malfoy echoed in the corridor. "...and friends?"
Sirius turned from Rose, feeling her hand squeezing his arm in fear.
"He won't touch you, he won't have my girls."
Ron and Hermione stood in the doorway, blocking his entrance. They were immediately shoved out of the way. "Do you mind, we have a very important meeting… leave immediately."
As Narcissa rounded the door frame, her plan visibly crumbled at her feet. "Get him out of here," she shouted to the blonde woman and pointed at Sirius.
"Don't go all doe-eyed and scared now, not after you agreed to this" Lucius spat in Rose's direction. "You agreed to take the mark, a verbal agreement is as much as an agreement as a written one."
"Who agreed to what mark?" Ron asked, before watching as Draco rounded the door, his face fell as he registered Sirius standing in front of Rose.
"What's going on?" Draco asked his eyes fixed on Rose and Sirius.
"Nothing sweetheart, just a little distraction." Narcissa hissed.
"As heartwarming as this little reunion is, we have a ritual to perform, we don't want to wait until the young Miss Malfoy is born do we…" Lucius started with a crackle in his voice, "We would not want to have to exercise our blood right over her would we? I have heard the results can be traumatic for all involved." At this comment, Rose began to shake. Lucius approached slowly.
There was an air of a snarl on Sirius' face as Lucius Malfoy used his new cane to push Sirius' shoulder. Snapping, Sirius grabbed the stick, wrenching it from Lucius' hands and flinging it across the room, with a clatter.
"You won't be doing anything with my daughter you fucking nonce."
"Your daughter…" Rose breathed. "What do you mean, your daughter?"
Sirius turned, and from the look on her face, he realised that Rose still didn't know the truth. She leaned against the wall and began sliding down it slowly, never taking her eyes off him, he sank to his knees in front of her and placed both hands on her stomach. "Pup is mine Rose…" Sirius assured.
Sirius waved his wand. The golden writing appeared before them, and Rose's jaw went slack. For the first time, she saw the truth. In gold and white floating in mid-air. Confirmation of what she had desperately wanted and had only dared to dream. "I was with your Dad beyond the veil. I have watched her grow from the moment when her heart first started beating."
"But…"
"I watched Snape alter the spell for you like you did with "revelio" for me. In one of the memory vials you had in your bag, we tried to tell you this morning." Hermione interrupted walking towards Rose and kneeling next to her.
"OK I've had enough, I'm calling security." Tabitha placed her hand on her temple.
"Call them…" Ron's blood was boiling now, how anyone, especially a lawyer, could even consider the contract she was forcing Rose to sign acceptable was beyond him. "... and we will call the Aurors, and tell them these cunts have been trying to extort silence from my daughter while blackmailing her with the life of a baby, we will tell them she…" Ron pointed at Narcissa "...has known for over a week that the baby isn't Draco's but still threatened to take her from her. You have almost driven her to suicide to get what you wanted for your nonce of a client."
"Who do you think you are speaking to Weasley?" Lucius Malfoy flounced towards Ron.
"You…" Ron's finger slammed squarely into Lucius's chest. Ron wasn't scared of Lucius Malfoy, who had already almost taken two of the people he loved the most from him and failed. He wouldn't be allowed to try and do it again "...I'm speaking about you."
Ron remembered the smug look on Lucius's face… being face to face with him now Ron could feel the anger of two lifetimes forming dark curses within him.
"Ron stop…" Hermione began.
"Yes, Mr Weasley you may wish to listen to your Mudblood…" Lucius smoothed his jacket. He looked at Hermione as though she was below him, it was at this moment Ron remembered the ghostly apparition of him standing over Rose taunting her with the knowledge of what he had done to her mother after her death.
Ron clenched his fist, before taking a breath and hissing "You know the new minister made the use of that language a hate crime right?"
Lucius ruffled his nose, Tabitha chuckled, shaking her head. "The legislation for that…"
"Was finalised this morning… my dad was the one to write the bill." Ron finished grabbing Hermione's shoulder and putting himself firmly in front of her.
After a whispered conversation with Tabitha, Lucius returned his glare to Hermione. "My sincere apologies, you may wish to listen to your… pet…" Ron's fist clenched again. "...before you get yourself on the wrong side of things you do not understand Mr Weasley."
Sirius and Rose hadn't taken their eyes off each other, his hand on her chin, his thumb running over her cheek. She was oblivious to the war going on around her, and for once Ron was happy with that. She deserved peace and Sirius appeared to give her just that.
It lasted moments, as she registered some nugget of information. Ron watched as the pieces fell into place in her mind. She blinked, turning her attention from Sirius. "Wait … did you know about this?" Rose asked.
There was a silence as the room tried to silently establish who she was addressing. She stood from the floor carefully. "How long have you known she isn't yours?"
It was Draco she spoke to. He paled slightly, "I…I… " he stammered guilt painting his face slowly. Ron had almost forgotten he was in the room, but now he fumbled to find his words, he moved forward reaching out to touch Rose. Sirius stepped forward at the same time as Ron but Rose pulled her hand away immediately. "I had no choice, Rose."
"How long have you known?" She screamed. The anger had hit her now.
"A few days…" Draco admitted with a sigh.
"So you knew the day before yesterday?" Rose stared at him. Draco mouthed something unintelligible. "You knew when you…"
He repeated the word but remained silent.
"He what?" Sirius held Rose's wrist gently turning her into him, "Whatever happened you can tell me."
With fear on her face, she said "He was at the Burrow"
There was a cutting silence as the anger brewed in Ron, Draco had been in his home, why?
Sirius on the other hand was not so calm. "What happened?" His lips twitched and Ron was sure he watched Sirius' teeth morph into the fangs of his animagus form.
Draco had paled significantly, looking between Ron and Sirius now, apparently, Draco had seen it too.
Rose watched Sirius carefully, swallowing loudly. "He told me, that if I took his mark, he would stop Romi from being hurt, that his lawyer would help me get off with the charges against me, but if I didn't then he would take her."
There was an "and". Ron could see it on her face. It was on the tip of her tongue. Waiting to burst free.
"...and …" Sirius pressed.
Rose looked like a child caught out in a lie. She looked to Draco, who whispered the words again. Ron recognised it this time. "Please don't"
The sound caught Sirius's ears, he had been inspecting Rose's face, and his eyes widened as though he had discovered something. She made the smallest nod Ron had ever seen.
There was no warning. Sirius lunged for Draco pressing his nails into his face. "What did you do to her?"
"Nothing she didn't want I'm sure of." Lucius smarmed from the corner of the room as Narcissa ran towards her son.
"You watch your fucking mouth Malfoy, I still have nine years owed to me and I can think of one way I would love to use them." Sirius snarled his fingernails still gripping Draco's pale cheeks. "I already know what you did, but I want you to fucking say it."
"She wanted it." Draco bubbled, he looked as though he might cry. "She didn't say no."
"Wanted what?" Ron asked through gritted teeth. Hermione touched his arm gently as the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. It took a moment for Ron to realise what had just been said. It sent a cold chill down Ron's spine. Suddenly Rose's words when he had arrived home made sense. He felt sickened. She had fucking shown him, Draco behind her door, while he and Hermione had been out having fun and drinking she was at home… "You raped my daughter?"
Ron flew at him. Harry, Hermione and Narcissa grabbed him, pushing him back away from his attempted assault.
Sirius's nails made deep welts in Draco's cheeks. With one look Ron knew that despite the rage that almost blinded him, despite all the desire to castrate Draco fucking Malfoy, this wasn't his fight anymore. Sirius forced Draco to look at Rose.
"Did you want this greasy little prick to touch you, beautiful?" Sirius's jaw shook as he spoke almost sweetly.
Rose shook her head. "No," it was barely a breath, almost inaudible.
"Did you hear that Draco? That little word she used." Sirius hissed dangerously, and Draco tried to squirm away. Narcissa stood frozen staring at her son, the horror painted on her face.
"Look, it wasn't like that, I was just angry," Draco said with a small glance at his mother. "I've been led to believe that the baby is mine, we've slept together hundreds of times over the last 6 months, she's not innocent in this, she's said yes before. But then I see this memory of the two of you…" He looks between Sirius and Rose, his hands still attempting to remove Sirius's nails from his face and only succeeding in making the welts larger. "I saw the way you look at him," Draco called to Rose, "compared to the way you looked at me. I saw what you did for him, why didn't I deserve that? To be loved when I loved you and would have done anything for you."
There was a whimper as Draco looked back to Sirius.
Sirius's fangs were on full display now as he drank in the fear in Draco's face. His bloodlust rose and became very apparent in his eyes.
"You don't rape people you love." Rose hissed. "You don't use the imperious curse on them, tell them you wished you could fuck their mother before killing her. You don't tell the person you love that if they don't submit to you, you will take their child from them under the pretence that she is your daughter and marry her off to the highest bidder because it is your right as a pureblood."
"Did you say that Draco?" Sirius whispered dangerously. His breath was ragged from shaking. "Did you rape the woman who is as good as my wife? Did you violate the mother of my child?" His face was so close to Dracos now that Ron watched small speckles of salvia raining on his skin. "Did you threaten to take my child from her mother?"
"Don't hurt me" the blonde whimpered. No one was coming to his aide, not even his own mother. Ron flitted a glance at her, she stared at the scene unmoving.
Sirius laughed the notes matching the manic look in his eyes "I want to rip you limb from limb, I want to cause you every second of pain you caused my Rose but I'm not going to do that."
"Thank you," Draco let out a sob of relief.
"Don't fucking thank me you snivelling little cunt, it's not for you. It's not kindness." Sirius forced Draco's face to look at Rose. "You see her, she is the reason, I am not ripping your tiny little dick off right now." Draco's eyes widened. Sirius leaned in close to Draco's ear, his teeth bared as he spoke the words, "Though I am sure she would love to see that, I want you to remember, that had it not been for her, I would have been more than willing to go to prison for the crime I was already imprisoned for all those years ago, but you see, you little rat, unlike you I have a reason to need to be free. I have my wife and my daughter." Sirius then leaned in to whisper something completely inaudible, Draco's face went inexplicably paler, his eyes widening with each second as Sirius pulled his face away smiling widely, "... and you can only imagine, what you have lost for the rest of your life, won't you little dragon? Do we have an understanding?" Draco nodded with wide eyes. Sirius peeled his nails from Draco's face before giving him a sharp slap to the side of the face.
"Get your hands off my son" Narcissa spat, finally moving forward to separate them.
His voice immediately softened, and Sirius held his hand out to Rose. "Come on beautiful let's go,"
"You are not leaving until you have done as you agreed to," Narcissa demanded as Rose passed, her voice shook as she tried to take Rose's arm.
"Why would she agree to do anything for you? You don't hold anything over her, you have nothing to blackmail her with." Ron said before continuing to usher Rose from the room.
"Please," Narcissa whispered, stopping Rose in her tracks. There was desperation in her voice, Rose turned to face Narcissa, "Please Rose," She pleaded now, "Please don't ruin his life."
Rose and Narcissa shared a moment of silence. As Ron opened his mouth to interject Hermione flew forward, "Don't ruin his life," Hermione hissed. "Are you seriously asking her not to report what he has done to her?"
Draco walked forward moving his hand out to touch Rose in the same place his mother had just tried to grab.
Sirius intercepted his arm, squeezing so hard the colour drained from the surrounding skin immediately "What did I just say?"
The blonde pulled his arm away with a desperate pleading look on his face. Sirius wrapped his arm around Rose and led her from the room.
They stood in the hallway away from the receptionist and agreed, that side along apparition was the best way back to St Mungo's.
Sirius spoke quietly to Harry and Hermione, never letting Rose's hand go. She stood slightly back looking almost shell-shocked. Ron placed his hand on Rose's shoulder and gave a supportive squeeze. There were no words he could say to make anything that had happened better but he would be there to pick up the pieces.
Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at him "I'm so sorry, Dad." Her voice was so small.
"You have nothing to be sorry about, Smudge." Ron smiled sadly, "You are going to get through this, you aren't alone and you never will be again."
9th May 1998. 11:00 pm
St Mungo's Hospital
And as suddenly as he left, my world was once again beautifully and wondrously filled with Sirius Black.
Of course, I knew how much I had missed him but I don't think I truly understood what I lost until he had returned to me. I knew. Now. The moment he burst back into my life. I knew. The absence of him had been the void I had been staring into, the endless series of pain and sadness and anger and dread. The inevitable "What now?" that hid behind every second of happiness. Don't get me wrong it's still there. I can feel the dread of what is to come building like a ball in my chest only now with every movement there was another kiss placed somewhere on my being, another reassuring squeeze of the hand, a rub of my arm or leg.
"Touch her and die," had nothing on my Sirius. Am I allowed to say that now? To say out loud that he is mine because that's how he referred to me. He called me his wife. My silent admission of what Draco had done to me had been his catalyst just as much as it had been mine.
I hadn't wanted to say, I hadn't wanted to tell the truth but those eyes… they plucked each string of the web of defence I had tried to build. He had pleaded for truth, and I watched as my nod detonated the explosion. Watching Draco Malfoy squirming under nothing more than his nails and the snarl on his face felt like karmic justice. A taste of his own medicine.
My anger at them felt like nothing compared to Sirius's rage, I watched the fangs appear and I remember a time I had been quietly watching him during our separation, I had watched him from under the cloak, he had been in his animagus form, he was sad and cold and starving hiding in Hogsmeade from the authorities, I had watched him cornering a rat, pouncing on it, taking it in his jaws and ripping it to shreds. Consuming it, devouring it.
As he hissed that Draco was a rat, I knew what Sirius was imagining doing to him. Tearing him piece by piece until he was nothing but a bloody mess on the floor. But he didn't. He thought. He controlled himself and in the end that said more than any revenge he could have played out.
Sirius clung to me as we returned to St Mungo's with a jolt. He held me as the healers and security guards demanded answers from me that I didn't truly know. He held to me in the blur of returning to my room and touched me as Granny cried seeing me walking through the door.
He wrapped his arm around my shoulder as she, Mum, Dad and Harry were ushered away with promises that Sirius would update them as needed.
He gripped me as I awaited my punishment for wandering further than my bonds would allow. But it hadn't been the Aurors who had come to see me, Richard Themis walked into my room without so much as a knock on the door. I am sure for a moment I stopped breathing, my mouth dried as the door bounced open the way it did whenever he was there. The smarmy laughter that followed him like the soundtrack of his life filled the room and I gripped Sirius's hand tighter as he gave me a questioning look.
"Well, Rosie, Rosie, Rosie, I hear you've been a bit of a naughty girl," Richard had begun the smirk on his face growing. He bares down on me and I know what happens next. My heart races, my eyes flitting to the door, if I move he will get me…
"It's Rose, and I would prefer you not use phrases like that around my partner, it makes her uncomfortable," Sirius said his voice cutting. He moves his chair closer to me and puts his hand on my knee which I have unknowingly pulled up to my chest.
"Well, well Sirius Black in the flesh, how's it feel to be a free man?" Dick smirks. He sits on the chair at the foot of my bed and puts his feet on my bedding. He has dirty boots, he never used to be dirty.
"Better now that I'm back with Rose," Sirius said flatly, guarding himself. "My girl needs to rest, is there something you wanted to see her about or is this a social visit?" The possessiveness in Sirius's tone sends shivers down my spine, and I watch as Richard's face sours.
"Your girl?" Richard laughs again looking from me to Sirius and back, "You move through men quickly little thorn,"
Sirius stood anger once again painted on his face, but the sound of footsteps hurrying along the hallway broke his angry haze. Jenny Lees bustled around the corner, "Sorry I'm late, got caught up with another case. Richard, you are needed back at the office Minister Shacklebolt sent an urgent memo for your attention, I can deal with this."
Dick's jaw clenched, "What for?"
"Something about Project Darkling," Jenny said pointedly. Dick growled before quickly leaving without a farewell. As he left I felt my stomach unfurl.
"You ok?" Sirius asked kissing my hand gently.
"I must apologise for my colleague, his methods are very different to mine," Jenny said sadly. "Do you mind if I have a seat?"
Sirius looked at me again and raised an eyebrow, I squeezed his hand and said "Of course."
She smiles gently and places her paperwork on the little table at the end of the bed. "Thank you, before we start I just want to say this is just a routine visit because your cuffs were activated so please don't worry, normally the Aurors office will send someone and you will get a first warning but after the article in the Prophet this morning I wanted to come and see you personally."
I furrowed my brow, "What article?" My heart began to quicken in my chest.
Jenny's face fell, "Oh dear, I thought you would have known. I'm sorry to tell you that your reason for being here has been leaked to the press." She removed a copy of the Prophet from her pile of paperwork and there in black and white was a picture of me being transported unconscious through the floo of the Burrow. My hair was wet and dripping, I had black marks on my face which must have been blood or vomit and was Granny running behind me with a small bag. The photograph looped as I noticed the headline, Rose Riddle, suicide shame.
I feel my neck and ears beaming, how embarrassing. Sirius gripped my hand. Glancing over the article I managed only a few paragraphs, they spoke of my shameful act, my selfishness, the pain I had caused my family and my desire to be reunited with… Draco Malfoy, the secret father of my child... I fold it over and hand it back to her. I don't need to see any more.
"How would she have got this picture?" Sirius demanded. "This is inside the Weasley's home, surely that is illegal?"
"Rita Skeeter is an unregistered animagus. She was probably in the house."
Jenny's face hardened. "Sorry, what was that?"
"She can turn herself into a beetle, that's how she gets most of her stories. I've probably said too much." But in my chest, there is a hint of triumph as I 'accidentally' drop her in it.
"A beetle you say," I watch as Jenny scribbles something on a piece of parchment before coming back to me.
"I came here today to see if there is anything we can do for you, Rose. We know a trial can be scary but we certainly don't want it to drive you to…"
I laugh cutting her off and Sirius chuckles beside me rubbing his thumb over mine. "I take it somewhere in the Prophet's drivel that the implication of Rose's trial is part of the reason for Rose's attempt."
When Jenny gave a small nod, Sirius was the one to fill in the truth, he told Jenny every detail I had told him. I sat and watched his emotions ebb and flow until his blazing anger was the only one left.
Her jaw slack, she looked to me for confirmation and I avoided her eyes. I wish he hadn't told her, there would be consequences I didn't want to have to deal with.
"Well, if nothing else this is proof you shouldn't believe everything you read." Jenny scribbled something else on her page. "Regarding the Malfoys, I would strongly urge you to make a formal report about everything Rose. I have to remain professional but if what Mr Black says is true the Malfoys would be facing charges of blackmail, extortion, coercion, false imprisonment, attempted human trafficking of both yourself and an unborn child and rape,"
I shudder.
"From what I was led to believe an interdict was placed on the entire family. None of them should be making any form of contact with you, and certainly should not come within 100 feet of you."
I didn't speak. This wasn't what I wanted now, I wanted to sleep, to be quietly alive with Sirius.
"I am going to arrange for one of my colleagues to come and take a statement today if that is okay"
It wasn't …
I shook my head but Jenny was the one to stop me in my tracks. She leaned forward and placed her hand on my sock-clad foot "If you remain silent Rose you allow them to get away with more of what they have already gotten away with, I don't want to push you, I don't want to lay another burden on you but," Jenny removed her hand from my foot. She waved her wand to close the door with a soft click and lowered her voice, "Rose, they want you to stay silent. Men like Lucius Malfoy have spent lifetimes training society to think that what happened to you is shameful, they use that shame to keep secrets and this gives them power…" She moved her chair closer to me, "Now I am certain that I only know the smallest part of your story, but what I know of your story needs to be told, told loud with a full chest and a straight back. What Draco Malfoy did to you is shameful, what Lucius did is shameful but it is not you who should feel that shame. You are strong, you are one of the few people in our world who can bring down the corruption that bleeds into every single level of our world. You have the power to cut the Achilles' heel, Rose, I would advise you to take the whole bloody foot. Topple this whole tower and burn the ashes to the ground. I will be there fighting in your corner," Her eyes sparkle now. I can hardly believe what I am hearing "You need to know you have allies in high places Rose, you are not alone in this fight, not anymore. You just have to go a little further and fight a little longer, for a better world." She looks at Sirius and they have a silent conversation, he averts his eyes. Jenny looks at me for a moment, "Can you do that for me?"
There is a lump in my throat, Sirius says nothing, instead, he places his hand on my stomach and Romi moves gently. I meet his eyes and I know what he is trying to say. And just as quickly and quietly, I know what I want to say.
I can't.
I can't do it.
Not for Jenny, not for Mum, or Aunt Ginny or any of the girls who have and will ever have to walk the corridors I was carried down. I can't change it for them, because the damage is done. We are already trained to cover our bodies, to walk in packs, to cover our drinks. That unwanted attention is our fault, and any action taken in that respect is ours. We are already pre-programmed to take the brighter path and choose the bear.
I can't change the world for them.
But Romi can be different. Not can… Will be different. I just have to take the next right step.
Jenny watches me with hope in her eyes. I nod. "For her."
For her.
I can feel the fire reigniting in my chest, I can feel it burning my soul and cleansing the darkness that clouded my vision. She was my reason, she was my why. One way or another the vicious cycle will end with me. Whether it be death or destruction the choice is mine.
After so much sorrow, destruction sounds liberating. That was the moment I knew my purpose. I'm going to uproot the Malfoy family tree, I'm going to rip out the roots and pour kerosene in the remnants where they had grown. And Merlin knows the fire that burns will be the brightest our world has ever known.
Sirius didn't leave her side for a moment, not through the statement, not through the invasive testing, or the memory retrieval. Sirius watched as the healer retrieved DNA samples, memories, proof of what had happened just 48 hours ago. When he was locked in a cell dreaming of her soft touch. The anger brewed under his skin as Draco Malfoy's name appeared in golden writing from the wands of the healers.
He sat across from her, watching every move. A shiver ran down his spine at the parallel, he wasn't allowed to touch her during the examination, no holding hands, no contact in case of cross-contamination.
She kept looking at him, her eyebrows raised, "Are you ok?" She kept whispering. After what felt like the twentieth time he finally changed his nod responding with "Just counting down the minutes until I can touch you again."
Sirius watched the puffs of smoke appearing as photographs were taken of her injuries, the perfect hand-shaped bruises that flared on her hips where long creepy hands had gripped her. Mini Malfoy would get his comeuppance, he wouldn't survive two days in Azkaban.
The second the healer gave him the nod, Sirius moved so fluidly across the room, that he may as well have apparated. His hands shaking as he helped her lace the modesty gown the healers had put on her she smiled sweetly at him and whispered "Thank you."
The corridors were empty now, they had purposefully waited until late at night to ensure no members of the public would be on the path. Sirius was grateful for this, he was grateful she appeared to release some of the tension carried in her shoulders. She shivered slightly in the cold, Sirius wrapped his jacket around her shoulders.
"You should go home get some sleep and maybe spend time with Harry… I'm sure he has missed you." She broke the silence between them.
"Are you trying to get rid of me already?" Sirius chuckled. Rose immediately tensed again her forehead furrowed leaving long lines in her skin. He shook his head, "Me and Harry have an understanding, I don't leave your side. He will be there when we get back, until then I'm here with my girls."
The smallest smile appeared on her face, so coy and fleeting, he felt himself falling in love with her
Together they found the right room, the healer who had shown them the way advised they should get some sleep, and with a wave of her wand a small trundle bed was made up near Rose's bed. "We will come back in around 7 am to run a few tests on the baby then we will see where to go from there, maybe get you back home." She nodded at the two of them, "Well good night."
As the door shut with a soft click Sirius became aware that it was the first time he had been fully alone with her since his return. She stood watching him the same way that she had when he had entered the lawyer's office, and Sirius knew then what he had known for the longest time. He knew he loved Rose Weasley more than he would ever be able to describe.
Her mouth hanging open slightly, she inspected every inch of him with her eyes. She stood in front of him, wearing a blue hospital gown, no shoes and her arms pulling the sides of his jacket around her for warmth. The gown made every movement in her stomach more prominent, pup was apparently adept at making herself known as Rose didn't flinch.
The silence electrified the air between them. There were so many things to say.
Without warning I burst into tears, guttural sobs that wracked my body and made Romi jump in my stomach. I hear him walking towards me, I feel his hands on me pulling me close, his safety surrounding me and I can't tell if this is a dream or reality.
He places one hand on my belly, and with his fingers splayed, he practically covers my stomach.
There was something different about his hands being on me. Romi tends to kick and batter my insides at any contact. I used to think it was excitement but now as she calmly moves under her father's touch I know. It was fear, instinct to get away, probably caused by my hatred of being touched.
I feel at peace with the world as I place my hand on top of his.
He leans forward, his face practically resting on my stomach. "Hello Pup," He smiles as she acknowledges his voice. "You did so well looking after your Mummy," He kneels, placing a kiss exactly where she kicked. "…but it's my turn now to look after you both"
The lump in my throat bobs. I'll wake up tomorrow and this will all just be a wonderful dream but until then I will relish every second that I have him. He looks up at me with his deep grey eyes and his smile grows wider with amusement. "You know I'm not going to disappear don't you?"
I know now that, he can read my mind and I can't speak. I just want him to hold me. He kisses my hand. "You're stuck with me for as long as you want me."
I sob, like a child who should know better.
He tuts playfully and rolls his eyes. "Come on get in the bed," I stare at him for a moment. "Not like that, just get in." It's not like that, but I want it to be like that… I've never wanted anything more than him. I follow instructions, climbing into the bed still sobbing and I watch as he rolls his eyes, "Budge up, you big softie"
I make room for him on the too-small bed and he climbs up beside me, he feels like home. As he wraps his arms around me, turning me into his warmth, I finally feel safe.
"I'm sorry." I find myself saying and I mean it. There are so many things I should be sorry for, so many things he will have seen, and so many questions that will for now remain unasked.
"No, I'm sorry." I bury my face into his shoulder. "I'm sorry that I broke a pinky promise, I'm sorry for not listening, I'm sorry you went through all the things Dumbledore put you through." He's all I've wanted, he rocks me, and shushes me. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from them" his voice cracks and I feel wetness on his cheek, I can't cope. "I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you both" I don't deserve him, I don't deserve to feel love this strong and real but I want to pretend I do even only for a moment.
"I told you to stay put" I sob.
"And I should have listened" He whispers, he has broken now, his face slick with tears and so much sadness. He kisses me, as desperately as trying to breathe air.
"What if this is a dream?" I choke.
"Then I'll kill the bastard who wakes us." He kisses my forehead, my eyelids, my nose, my lips and I believe him because I would do the same. His kiss on my lips feels like some wonderful drug, it burns my skin and lights the darkness in my heart, it's happiness and ecstasy, joy and love and oh so much more all at once and I feel it All as though I've been awoken from it deep sleep so bright and colourful and blinding it hurts.
I want to be owned by him because loving and being loved by Sirius heals me, and gives me purpose. But to know he would never want to own me gives me more of a thrill than I could have ever imagined.
The last few months have felt like I've been holding my breath, waiting to die, but being with Sirius feels like I want to live, I want to thrive and fight for what I believe in. Now that I have my breath back I would slaughter anyone who would take this feeling from me again.