Chapter 51

Ronon had watched John and Kerria climb from the crevice and disappear onto the plateau. Seeing the smile on John's face made the entire journey worth it alone. His face lit up when Kerria looked at him, but Ronon couldn't help but feel unsettled. He saw a sadness on his features that he couldn't hide with the bright smile. Rodney had been right in his assessment, they would need to be there for John and support him no matter how things ended with Kerria. But she was alive, and goodbyes are not forever so long as people still live.

The day drew on and the sun no longer shone so warmly. Ronon began to get cold and tired sitting on the ledge. He occasionally nodded off, startling awake only for his eyelids to droop again moments later. He'd watched five people come round so far, and each time it happened it was marked with happy exclamations from the watchers and confused yelling from the newly awakened. He figured that, in the end, curing the plague and patching up the broader damage had been easy. But Rodney was another matter entirely. His wounds were angry welts, broken bones, shredded muscle and torn skin, the kind of wounds that made people flinch just looking at them. The water was taking longer to heal the wounds, a clear sign to Ronon of just how bad the damage had been.

He'd been sitting for a few hours now, his hand cold and numb from holding the loop of bandage securing Rodney, unable to swap it out with his injured arm which ached increasingly with the draining coldness of the air. He'd hoped John would come back to take over for a while, but he hadn't returned yet, apparently tied up helping the Vipen pilots resolve an issue with one of the ships. His legs and feet were numb, having been submerged in the water this entire time. He couldn't even feel it when he wriggled his toes. Eventually, he tied the looped bandage around one foot so he could put his numb hand under his vest to coax some warmth and life back into it. He managed to fish out the last of the painkillers Carson gave him and swallowed them dry, a sure sign that he was pushed past his usually vast limits. One of the attendants whose patient had revived asked if she could take over for him, but in the end, he declined and thanked her. He wanted himself or John to be present when Rodney awoke, not some random stranger.

The day dragged on as the sun dipped lower, casting the sky into darkness and further cooling the air in the crevice. Ronon shivered, his body twitching uncontrollably until one of the warriors noticed. They approached and draped a thick blanket over his shoulders. He muttered a quiet thanks, then removed the bandage loop from his foot and gripped it in his hand once more. The blanket was warm and comforting, easing his tremors, though a deep sense of exhaustion settled in. It irritated him to feel so weak, especially since he was usually the toughest, the one who could power through anything. Even John, despite almost dying, seemed stronger and more lively than Ronon felt at that moment. He aired a frustrated sigh, shifting uncomfortably as his backside grew numb from sitting on the cold stone for hours. To distract himself, he tried focusing on anything other than the cold and tiredness, anything to break the endless monotony.

At first, he watched inquisitive shoals of Goh which entered the area occasionally, darting through the water like tiny missiles. They would draw close to the victims and spend a few minutes near them before flashing sparks of blue as they sped away. Then, once all the plague victims had been brought, the Goh tanks started to arrive. He watched the warriors emptying them into the water until there was a huge glowing shoal of them, darting around for a while before disappearing into the watery darkness. Once he'd seen this a few times he became bored and found himself searching for something else to occupy his mind.

He tried some Athosian meditation to focus his thoughts, but all that did was make him even more sleepy. So he turned his mind to Atlantis and what he would do when he finally returned. He thought of hot showers and warm bed covers, of sleeping a full night in a secure and familiar place and enjoying the freedoms one's home afforded. He thought about the mess hall and the midday special he'd grown to love, noting it on his mental pinboard for his first good meal. He thought of the comfortable dimness of Atlantis, much more agreeable than the scathing white the Caronaans pasted around their planet. The dimness and comfort beckoned him and he thought again of his comfortable bed, worn and well-used, he always slept a good night through on it.

His mind drifted, his body slowly relaxed, and he was faintly aware of someone calling his name from a distance. He slowly raised his head and turned toward the sound, seeing a dark-clad figure dangerously scrambling down the side of the crevice with haste. Ronon blinked, and his stomach lurched as he realised he could no longer feel the bandage in his hand, nor the occasional bumps of Rodney against his leg. His eyes snapped open and couldn't see Rodney anywhere, catching only a glimpse of the bandaged loop as it sank into the depths. Without thinking he dove straight into the frigid water, beating his numb legs to power him downward. His sight was blurred and his eyes ached against the coldness of the water, but he could see a moving shadow that continued to sink as he struggled to dive quicker.

He reached for the bandage, his fingers brushing it but unable to grasp it. He roared with frustration and pushed his legs to hasten, bubbles exploding from his mouth, and the distorted sound of his muffled cry streamed past his ears. He neared the sinking shadow and was confused when it suddenly changed direction and shot towards him. He struggled to get out of the way as Rodney rocketed upward and bright sparks exploded in his mind when their heads connected violently. The impact left Ronon dazed and out of air and so he continued to sink, staring up at the dim light above that began to fade. He heard the muffled cries and splashing as Rodney broke water, then heard a massive splash as a second shadow entered the water and sped toward him. Ronon's eyes were closing again and as the shadow neared, his mind began to blank. He was losing consciousness as arms grabbed him from behind and then he was being propelled upward back toward the light and the air his lungs craved. They reached the surface, Ronon coughing and sputtering between heaving breaths as John moved his arm to support his head above the water while dragging him to the ledge. Rodney treaded water near the ledge waiting for them, his high-pitched distraught voice demanded to know if he was alright.

"Oh God! Is he okay? I just pushed off from the bottom, I didn't know he was there!"

Ronon groaned as the warriors approached the edge and used the biosuit strength to pull him from the water. They placed him on his back where he continued to cough and moan miserably.

"He's fine, just winded," John said as he pulled himself onto the ledge. "I think your thick head might have broken his nose, though."

"Oh thank God," Rodney said as John reached to haul him out of the water. "No no, I didn't mean thank God I broke your nose!"

"Don't you know how to swim?!" Ronon growled through chattering teeth, beginning to feel the pain from the impact of Rodney's head. "I thought you were drowning."

"I was drowning! That t-tends to happen when you let go of an unconscious person in water!"

"I'm sorry, I was tired," he growled, his voice shaking as he shivered. "Couldn't keep my eyes open."

"Well, isn't that just great," Rodney snarked. "He was t-tired."

"Rodney…" John said with warning.

"Well, you're not unconscious now, are you?" Ronon gruffed as he sat up, his head aching.

Rodney looked ready to fire off another retort, but something made him pause. His expression shifted, eyebrows lifting as surprise took hold. He glanced around, almost in disbelief, then began quickly running his hands over his torso—shoulders, sides, chest—touching spots that had caused him so much pain before. The confusion deepened as if he couldn't quite trust what he was feeling—or not feeling.

"Wait…"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I, uh, I.. feel great!"

Ronon grinned, "Fantastic! Maybe we'll get to go home now."

"I would have felt even better if you hadn't let me drown first!" Rodney snapped, bristling at the remark.

"There's always a negative with you," Ronon yelled, getting unsteadily to his feet. "I don't know why I even bother."

He stumbled toward the rocky wall and started to climb. His foot slipped, but he quickly caught himself. As he reached for the next hold, his strapped arm brushed against the surface, sending jolts of pain through the shattered limb—though it was less intense than before. He blocked out Rodney's voice calling his name, focusing solely on the difficult climb, his movements awkward but determined.

"You really need to think before you speak, McKay," he heard John remark.

Yeah, that's never gonna happen, Ronon thought as he pulled himself onto the plateau.

"He just accused me of being the reason why we've been stuck here and C-c-caronaa!" Rodney retorted."Like I purposely nearly got myself killed!"

Ronon ignored the rest of the conversation and staggered a few steps. He quickly realised the climb had been a bad idea, and looked around the darkened area for a place to sit, spying a rock formation mostly hidden by an untidy red-leaved shrub. He almost laughed at needing to rest, given that he'd just spent hours wishing he didn't have to. He hated being like this.

"Ronon?" Rodney called out as he crawled from the crevice. "I'm… I'm sorry."

Ronon kept quiet to avoid giving away his position and slowly lowered his upper body, sinking further behind the shrub for better cover. Rodney drew close, stopping to stand just a few feet from where Ronon sat.

"I was just… you know… being me. And, and, I know that isn't an excuse. I-I-I got a fright from sinking in the water, then I injured you, and, and the shock of being alive just…" He heard Rodney groan pitifully. "C-can we just talk about this?"

Ronon remained hidden and silent as he rested against the rock. He watched Rodney, wondering if he was being childish for staying hidden—maybe just a little petty, letting the man fumble through his words while looking so lost and alone. He debated whether it was worth his dwindling energy to speak up because he was sure he knew where this would head if he did. One more sharp word or offhand remark, and it would spiral into a drawn-out argument that he didn't have the patience for then.

On the other hand, Rodney was steadily unravelling. His voice shook slightly, each word tumbling out faster than the last. His usual confident tone was replaced by anxious stammering, betraying the worry he felt and tried to hide. He could see Rodney was tense, shoulders held high, his thumbs rubbing continually against his index fingers in nervous agitation. But Ronon remained unperturbed, continuing to keep quiet feeling that sometimes silence was the only way to keep the peace.

The sky had fallen into complete darkness, with the only illumination coming from the lights of the Vipen. Ronon shifted uncomfortably as the cold began to really bite, missing the blanket lost in the depths of the birthing valley. Somewhere in the darkness, a shrill animal call broke the silence, loud in the stillness of the night. He exhaled slowly, watching his breath fog the air and hoped Rodney didn't notice the misty puffs.

"Okay, right… I'll just, you know, k-keep talking, if you can hear me…" Rodney mumbled. "I-I know I can be a pain. I know I'm-I'm abrasive, but I really appreciate everything you've done for me these past few days. I know I slept through most of it, but I-I knew you were there, helping when you c-could. I'm not used to kindness, you see. I don't know how to react to it and never know how t-to say thanks because it never feels enough to convey how grateful I am for friends like you, John and-and Teyla. Even C-carson. I just… I'm just no good at it."

Deep down Ronon knew why Rodney had snapped at him and understood it more keenly than he would ever articulate. He silently watched Rodney fidget self-consciously while shivering and looking down as if he waited to be mocked or ridiculed for being so open and vulnerable.

"I-I really do love you guys," Rodney huffed with wretched honesty, rubbing his cold hands together. "And I know that s-sounds corny and you hate hearing s-such things, but it's the t-truth." He cupped his hands and blew warm breath into them. "My God, it's freezing," he whispered, his entire body shaking, his wet clothes clinging tightly to his skin. "I've been t-talking to myself, haven't I?" he laughed humourlessly. "I-I'll just go… But if you c-can hear me, I'm-I'm sorry… I…"

Ronon had heard enough and abruptly realised that this was the exact kind of moment John had spoken to him about, so he took the chance.

"You know I'd do anything for you, right?" he said quietly stepping out from behind the shrub.

Rodney looked up, surprised to see him appear so suddenly. His eyes were so wide that Ronon felt bad for allowing his meandering speech to continue so long that it left the man looking utterly dejected.

"We might fight sometimes, but that's what brothers do. They still love and respect each other, don't they?"

Rodney shivered, his mouth curling in a lop-sided grin. "I mean, I only have a s-sister, but yes, I s-suppose," he replied.

"You're not gonna make this easy, are you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You have a brother, McKay, two, in fact. And two sisters."

"No, I—"

"Do you really believe that a casual acquaintance or mere friend would spend hours or days by your bedside, or risk their lives to save yours?" Ronon asked and Rodney merely shrugged, staring again at the ground like a child being chided in front of a crowd. "We are your family, McKay, even when you don't want us."

"B-but I do want you. I've g-got no one else. Jeanie is so far away and doesn't understand me like you all do. I don't know what I'd do without you, John or T-teyla."

A faint rustling drew their eyes to a small tree near the ledge, shrouded in shadow. John emerged from the darkness, arms crossed, a faint smile playing on his lips. His damp hair was plastered to his head, but he didn't seem to feel the cold like they did even though he was just as wet. He acknowledged that Ronon had heeded his advice with a slight nod and Ronon had no doubt he'd been listening the whole time, ready to step in if things had started to escalate.

Always the peacekeeper, Ronon thought.

"As I told you in the past," John drawled. "You're stuck with us, Rodney. Even when you act like a little brat."

"I'm not a b-brat," Rodney retorted. "I merely have insecurities that often manifest when I'm upset. But, thank you, b-both of you. I wouldn't be here if not for you."

That was it? Ronon thought surprised as the tension present since leaving the water vanished.

He'd expected an awkward, long-winded conversation that would play on his mind and mortify him for days after. But a few short sentences were all it took to reassure Rodney and tell him what he wanted him to know. Despite his reluctance, nothing bad had happened, the world didn't end and no one cried embarrassingly. He was glad he'd said what he had to Rodney, feeling lighter in spirit. He thought perhaps he should stop his face from doing all the talking in future and just tell people how he felt.

"Right, come on. Let's get warm and back to Caronaa," John said walking toward the Vipens. "When we get back home to Atlantis, what say I grab the voucher for free Assam pie and take a day off to spend on Muo? We could visit Bann, and lounge about in Gardens of the Nulumn for the day. "

"That doesn't sound half bad," Rodney replied as his stomach grumbled loudly. "I might even have a voucher for a Gnator Muo'sh platter somewhere. Only, let's not go during a Dark Shift storm, I don't ever want to get caught in one again."

John hurried ahead to greet the Vipen pilot and requested the flight back to Caronaa. Ronon walked alongside Rodney, his mind focused solely on sleep. The bed waiting for him back on Caronaa wasn't much, only a thin mattress, and a stiff blanket, but right then, he was sure he could pass out on a pile of broken glass and not stir. Beside him, Rodney was trembling with cold, making sharp, shuddering breaths that sounded more like gasps. But it was the constant motion of his hands Ronon noticed, still rubbing his thumbs against his fingers in a nervous rhythm.

Without a word, he reached out, stopping Rodney with a gentle tug on the arm. He lifted Rodney's hands for a closer look and frowned at the sight—skin reddened and beginning to look raw from the repetitive motion. Then, for only the second time ever, Ronon pulled him in. The hug was awkward and unpracticed, more of a firm grip and a few solid pats on the back than anything. When they stepped apart, an uncomfortable silence lingered between them, softened by a shared, reluctant smile and light laughter.

"I'm glad you're alive," he said.

Rodney smiled. "S-so am I. S-sorry about your face."

Ronon gingerly touched the bruise blossoming darkly across the bridge of his nose and into each eye. "Was an accident. It'll heal."

"You s-should take a swim in the waters, that would heal it up nicely."

Ronon laughed gruffly. "I've had enough of water for a while."

They headed into the back of the Vipen where they found warm blankets on the seats and pulled them over their shoulders. Rodney curled up, pulling the blanket over his head and snuggled himself comfortably. The man had barely moved without blinding agony in days, so Ronon was pleased to see him so relaxed and pain-free. It took less than five minutes for him to fall asleep and start snoring, and Ronon was envious of his ability to shut down so quickly.

John hopped on board, looking happier than Ronon had seen him in some time. He grabbed a blanket and pulled it around himself, sitting near Ronon.

"I thought that went well," he said, a cheeky glint in his eyes. "Well, until you slapped his back so hard I'm sure part of his brain flew out his nose, but you got your point across."

Ronon chuckled and pulled the blanket tighter. "So long as he knows."

"He knows," John said. "After all of this, I think we all know."

The Vipen engines began to drone and the hatch closed on Ignothia, the ship lifting into the air. Ronon closed his eyes even though the journey back would only take ten to fifteen minutes. He couldn't keep them open any longer and felt himself slide to the side until he came into contact with the side of the ship, and fell asleep even faster than Rodney.

...
Nearly finished!