With her hands clasped in her lap, she stared in front of her. Vaguely the sounds from around her came to her ears, but she did not register anything. In her head, she kept repeating: 'Please let him live, please bring him back to me.'
When the ambulance rushed Robert to the hospital, she followed, accompanied by Mary and Edith. The ride to the hospital had been in total silence. Mary nor Edith had dared to say something. Cora had seen Mary strangely glancing at Edith, but she was too occupied to be able to process what that could mean. She constantly repeated the blood scene, which had just happened in front of her eyes.
Robert suddenly stood in the middle of dinner and started spewing blood. She had managed to clean her hands, arms, and face with Baxter's help. She had not realised how much blood Robert spewed all over her until Baxter carefully told her to get cleaned up before going to the hospital.
Violet started about the hospital business again, and Cora had tried to stop her. She told her mother-in-law that she was for the change that was proposed. It would be for the best, but mostly she did not want to think about that hospital. Her husband was critically ill, nothing else matter at this moment. Nothing besides having him back.
Robert was caried out of the ambulance before Cora got out of the car and since that last glance, she had not seen him. Why was this taking so long? Was he still with them? She would have known if he died, that must be. After all these years together, she would feel it when he would die. He was still fighting for his life, she just knew.
"Mama, please drink something." Mary's voice suddenly sounded.
Startled Cora looked up. "No thank you."
"Please, Mama. We have been here for hours, and you have not eaten or drank anything." Edith now said.
Reluctantly Cora took the cup Mary was offering. Her mouth was indeed dry, and tea had normally a calming effect on her. This night however would calm only one thing her down. Having Robert back next to her.
A nurse opened the door, and Cora put her cup down immediately. Looking at her with hopeful eyes. She felt Mary's hand coming to a rest on her shoulder. "Lord Grantham survived the operation. They are preparing him now for recovery, we will come and get you when he is brought to a room."
An audible sigh left Cora's throat; she had to fight against her tears. She heard Mary and Edith's relieved sounds.
"Papa will be alright," Mary said while squeezing her shoulder.
But Cora was not at that point yet. The nurse only told them that he survived the operation, she did not say anything about how. Was he in a bad shape? She could only imagine he was. The amount of blood he spewed was horrifying. His words were even more horrifying. 'If this is it, just know I have loved you very, very much.' She shivered involuntarily.
"Are you cold Mama?" Mary asked.
Cora shook her head. She did not want to make her girls worried for her. "I am fine." She briefly looked up at Mary, but her eyes quickly moved towards the door again. 'We won't let this be it.' She had said to Robert, while he kept spewing. She wanted to be strong for him. She needed him not to worry about her. He was probably in enormous pain lying on the ground and the first thing he did was reassure her of his love for her. So many years of a happy marriage, this could not be it. It could not end this way. She felt that Mary wrapped her shawl around her shoulders, she was thankful for her girls.
There start of the relationship with Robert had been bumpy, Robert obviously only loved her money, but with the time passing she had felt a change in him. The first time he made love to her, it did not feel like making love. It was something that had to be done because she needed to produce an heir. During the months that followed, he had started caressing her skin, before and after his deed. She remembered very clearly the night he had been kissing the skin on her chest, and suddenly he murmured: 'I love you.' He had repeated those words quite often that same night. Cora knew he meant it because his tone of voice was different. Not long after that night she could tell him she was expecting.
"Milady?" The voice of the nurse sounded. "Lord Grantham is back in his room. You can visit him now."
Cora felt how Mary took her arm, and she stood. Still dazed by all that was happening. She felt unsteady on her legs, but she tensed all the muscles she had to make sure Mary would not notice. If Robert was not going to survive, she needed to be strong for her girls. They had seen her weakness when Sybil died. That would not happen again. She would be strong for them.
"I am sorry, but we allow one visitor at the time." The nurse said when the three of them started to follow her.
Cora looked at her girls, she wanted to allow them to see their dad. But she would not know who to let go first and she also felt that she needed to be the one going in first and not Mary or Edith.
Edith nudged her mother forward. "We will wait here, Mama. Please give Papa our love."
Cora wanted to take off her gloves, her hands started sweating the moment they walked into Robert's room. He was lying under a white sheet; his face was pale, and his breathing was shallow she noticed when she stepped closer.
"He will be waking up soon. Take the time you need to be with him. The doctor will come by to give you an update."
Cora nodded and lowered herself on a chair next to Robert. She stretched her hand and carefully placed it on top of his. She quickly pulled her hand back, so she could take off her glove. She needed to have real contact with him, the way they could touch each other in the privacy of their room. She slid her hand over the back of his hand and curled her fingers around his. His skin was cool, that was a good sign, which must be a good sigh, she said to herself.
Robert moaned softly, which made Cora's head shoot up, but he had his eyes closed and was not awake. Cora pulled her chair closer to the bed and started caressing his hand and arm, her other hand slid in his hand. "Take all the time you need to wake up my darling. I will be here; I will always be here. Everything will be alright."
She took in a deep breath; she was glad that she was not wearing a tight corset tonight. Baxter had put her in a bodice, it was a change that Cora loved very much. Her corset always had given her some discomfort, she had permanent marks on her body from where the corset was pulled in.
Her heart rate started to go down since she was sitting next to the love of her life. She had loved him from the first day she laid eyes on him. His tall posture, deep brown hair, a bit longer than you would usually see on men. His eyes were what made her fall in love. The blue irises that had been staring at her, something she would never forget.
Another moan, but his eyes were still closed. Was he in pain? Was that the reason he moaned? She should ring for a nurse, but she did not want to stop this moment together with him. His face was calm though, he would be fine. She kept staring at his face, keeping a close eye in case he would be in pain. His fingers twitched; he was waking up she was sure of that.
She adjusted her chair, so she was able to touch his face. She laid her hand against his cheek and followed his cheekbone with her fingers. Robert turned his head and pressed his cheek against her hand. "I am here darling, do not worry, I am here." She used the same words as she did when she finally ran around the table. She could not change anything about the situation, but she knew that if she was dying, she wanted Robert next to her. With him on her side, she would not be afraid to die. She swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in her throat. If he were waking up, she could not be crying. As she wanted to be strong for her girls, she wanted to be strong for him too.
The door was opened, Cora saw Dr. Clarkson walking in.
"Has he been awake already?" He asked, while checking his vitals.
Cora scraped her throat. "He has not. Is that something we need to worry about?" She tried to keep her voice steady.
"No, no Lady Grantham. It is, in fact, better, as long as he is asleep, he will not be in pain." He smiled at her. "We managed to stop the bleeding, but he will have a long way to recovery. I know you had him on a strict diet already, but it needs to be intensified. For the next month, at least, he cannot have any alcohol."
"I will be strict." Her eyes went back to Robert when he made a sound. Her hand was still resting on his and suddenly he closed his fingers around her hand. "Robert?" She asked tenderly. He squeezed her hand again. "Dr Clarkson, I think that he is waking up."
Dr. Clarkson stepped closer to the bed and checked him again. Robert started blinking when he touched his arm. "He is, indeed. Please ring for me when he is fully awake." Swiftly he left the room.
Cora sat down on the mattress as close as she could. With her hand, she brushed over his cheek. "Oh, darling." She felt her throat closing. "You have come back to me."
Robert opened his eyes, and she saw that he tried to focus his gaze on her. He opened his mouth, but no words came, he wrinkled his forehead.
"You do not have to talk. You have just come back from the operating theatre; everything will be all right. Lay still, I am here, and I will be here." She brushed through his hair, and she saw a soft smile around his mouth. Her strong front started to slip, when his fingers brushed over her hand, she felt a tear escape the corner of her eye. Rapidly blinking she tried to hide it, but Robert noticed. He started to reach with his hand, so he could wipe away her tears. His stitches prevented him from lifting his arm and he moaned.
Cora wiped away the tear and smiled at him. "I cannot tell you how scared I was. I thought I was losing you."
"I am not going anywhere." His voice croaked. "I am sorry."
"No, darling. No need to say sorry."
"I think that I have made a mess." He chuckled, what clearly hurt him.
Cora brushed over his jaw. "I am afraid you did. Try not to move." She bent down and pressed a tender kiss on his lips.
"This reminds me of the night Sybil was born. You gave me such a scare. When the nurse told me you had lost a lot of blood and that they were trying to save you, my world collapsed."
"Oh, so this is payback?" Cora said while pressing another kiss on his lips, her hand still resting in his.
Robert squeezed her hand. "I do love you. I did not only say that because I thought I was dying. I love you with every fibre that I am. I have made some mistakes, and it is time you know about them."
Cora put her fingers on his lips. "None of that darling. None of that. What happened when we were younger does not matter today. You need to get better; we should focus on that." She always knew there had been something, but she did not want to know the extent of it. She loved him and nothing could change her love for him. "I will ring for Dr Clarkson; he asked me to let him know when you were awake."
"Can you wait with that?" Robert asked.
Surprised she looked at him. "Why my darling?"
"I want to spend some more time with just you in this room. As soon as you call for Dr Clarkson the room will be filled." He squeezed her hand again. "Please lay down next to me for a couple of minutes."
Cora let go of his hand, she pushed the blankets away and carefully laid down next to him. She made sure not to lean on him or make too much movement. It was not easy on this small bed, but she managed to get herself aligned with his body. She kissed his jaw and rested her head against his shoulder. Once more she was relieved, she was not wearing her corset, she could not have done this wearing one.
"The girls are anxiously waiting to see you." She said after a while, her hand was very lightly resting on his chest. She avoided his tummy area.
"I guess we cannot postpone calling in Dr. Clarkson any longer." Robert sighed. "I am dreading this night already."
"Why are you dreading it?"
"It will be a night with you far away from me."
"You really think I will go home? Baxter has brought some things for me. I am staying the night at the hospital." She heard Robert letting out a sob, and she moved her hand up. Softly massaging his scalp. "It is alright darling. Everything will be alright."
"I do not deserve you."
Cora did not respond, she softly played with his hair and made sussing sounds. When she noticed his breathing calmed down again, she got up from the bed. She straightened the sheets, and her dress and quickly pushed some pins back in her hair. "It is time to hear how long you will need to stay in the hospital." Without giving him time to protest she pulled the cord. She walked back to her chair and sat down, placing her hand in his again. She smiled at him; he would be