With this chapter, we start the pattern of switching off on who we are following. For the most part it will be Trip-T'Pol-Trip-T'Pol, so on and so forth. There will be exceptions. But most of this fic will follow that pattern. This chapter is a little short, but we are covering a time period that we have already covered, just from T'Pol's perspective. I hope that you enjoy this short chapter!

The trip home to Vulcan did not go according to T'Pol's plan. She had intended to introduce Commander Tucker to her mother to get her used to the idea of them bonding. It was unorthodox to bond with a human, but no precedent or law forbade it. And with her travels on Enterprise over the last three years, she had learned that interspecies bonding was possible. Even if it was unheard of. There was that human from the future (something T'Pol was only beginning to admit was possible) who had DNA sequences from several worlds, including Vulcan. Or their son whom they met on the Enterprise that was thrown into the past. He was living proof that it was possible to mate with Tucker and have a child. There was a whole incident with Commander Tucker and the Xyrillian, Ah'len, that ended up in an interspecies pregnancy. Something that Tucker joked about, but T'Pol knew it embarrassed him greatly. Being the first pregnant human male was humiliating for him. Even if the child was not his. Personally, T'Pol found the experience fascinating. Even amongst vulcans the males do not carry the children. She would have preferred that he not engage in such activities with another female, but back then, she had no say in what he did in his personal life. It seemed that she was back to that being the status quo. Which bothered her greatly. She wanted more say in his life.

She would be the first to admit that she did not wish to bond with Koss. She did not know what she would do if the ponfarr took hold. She could not bring herself to mate with him. She only wanted to mate with Tucker. Which was a real problem considering she was now Koss's wife, not Trip's. She wasn't planning to get married to anyone during this trip - not even Tucker. She wanted to do that somewhere down the line. Once her mother had grown accustomed to the idea, and T'Pol had met Trip's family at least once. She would need to convince them that a vulcan could be a good mate for a human, just as much as Trip needed to prove that a human could be a good mate for a vulcan. In her eyes, he had done that.

Tucker was on his best behavior for most of the time. The only time that he wasn't was after she told him what she had to do. She could feel his despair and anguish just as much as if it were her own. It was quite disturbing. She never wanted to cause him pain. She loved him. Even though it was wrong and not logical. Then again, the Vulcan heart was not logical. Neither was mating. A secret that most vulcans liked to keep from the universe. However, if one were ever to get to know a vulcan the way Trip knew her, then the truth would be revealed. Vulcans were just as passionate as humans, if not more. The heart wants what the heart wants. It cannot be ignored. The consequences of doing so are devastating. Both she and Commander Tucker would pay the price of ignoring the truth. He was her mate. They belonged together.

Fortunately, her agreement with Koss and his family meant that she did not need to spend much time with her new husband. So, she planned to go to Mount Seleya soon after Commander Tucker's departure. She needed to purge her emotions from the recent events and find a way to get Trip out of her head. She hoped that meditating in such a sacred spot would help. As meditating at home was not working. If anything, she found herself pining for him even more. It disturbed her efforts greatly.

Sometimes, during her mediation, she would see him. First, on a human transport ship. He was in the ship's mess, she thought. Getting angry at some hero worshiper. Then he was flying an Earth shuttle that he rented. Afterward, she saw him fishing for catfish. He was trying hard not to think about her and failing miserably at the same time. She could feel his love for her and his need for her to be by his side. She saw an older human who looked a lot like Trip come up beside him. Charles Tucker Jr., her mind filled in for her. He was Trip's father. How she knew this man's name, she could only guess it was because Trip knew him. Just as he knew the woman who hugged him a few minutes later. Her name was Elaine Tucker, Trip's mother. She held him as he cried and cried. T'Pol couldn't hear what they were discussing, but she knew that they were discussing her. Trip was heartbroken, and it was her fault.

"Daughter, may I speak with you?" Her mother's words broke T'Pol out of her meditation.

She opened her eyes. "Mother? What are you doing?"

Her mother raised her eyebrow. "I'm here to speak with my daughter."

T'Pol indicated to sit beside her. "May I ask about what?"

"Commander Tucker."

That caught T'Pol off guard. She retorted. "I would rather not discuss him."

"That may be true, but I believe that it is important."

Annoyance threatened to break through her control. She managed to suppress it before saying. "Go ahead."

"Are you aware that the Commander is in love with you?" She asked simply.

T'Pol looked away. "I am aware."

"And yet you bonded with Koss."

Annoyance shot through her again. It broke through for a second before being suppressed. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

"We're not talking about what I want. We're talking about what you want. And you did not want Koss. You made that very clear."

T'Pol looked towards the ceiling for a second. Then regained her composure. "What do you want, mother?"

"Tell me the truth, T'Pol: Did you want to bond with that human?"

There was a long pause where both were silent. Finally, T'Pol admitted. "Yes, I did."

Another long silence enveloped the room. "Do you still want to bond with him?"

T'Pol didn't know how to answer that question. Of course, she wanted to bond with Trip. She had wanted that for a long time. Long before she ever mated with him. It was strengthened by what happened out there. Seeing what could have been only made it worse. She wanted to bond with him. To have children with him. She didn't care that the children would be half-vulcan. They would be their children. She would love them just as much as any full-vulcan children that she could bear with someone else. Perhaps even more so because they would be born of love. But how could she tell this to her mother? She didn't believe in time travel. Nor did she believe that vulcans and humans could have children. Why would she believe T'Pol at all?

Finally, she decided to tell her the truth. "Yes."

Her mother sighed. "Then why didn't you challenge the bonding? Why didn't you call the Kalifee?"

T'Pol rolled her eyes. "And do what? Have Trip fight to the death for me?"

"I suspect that the human would have agreed."

"That's not the point, mother. We have three times the strength of a human. The air here is thin compared to Earth. And the gravity is slightly higher. On top of all that, Trip does not handle the desert well. How would you expect him to defeat Koss?"

Her mother was silent. Confirming T'Pol's suppositions. Finally, she said, "Koss could have rejected the challenge."

She shook her head. "Koss warned me not to call the Kalifee. He said that he would defeat any champion that I chose. That would have included Commander Tucker. I could not risk that. I cannot lose him."

"Yet you lost him anyway."

Those words cut right through. She had lost Tucker. She was alone. It hurt more than she expected it to hurt. She wanted him. She needed him. Yet she did not have him. It was unfair. So very unfair. Finally, T'Pol confirmed, "Yes, I have." Frustration threatened to break through again. She stood up and began to pace. "Why are you doing this, mother?"

Her mother seemed completely calm. As if her outburst did not affect her at all. "Because I want you to consider your choices more carefully. Your choice to mate with Commander Tucker was a poor one. You did not consider the consequences for yourself or Commander Tucker."

T'Pol cut her off. "What do you mean?"

Her mother showed a little annoyance mixed with sadness. "He bonded with you, did he not?"

That stopped T'Pol in her tracks. "What?"

"Tell me, daughter, did you or did not form a mating bond with Commander Tucker?"

T'Pol thought about it for a while. Ever since she tried to explore human sexuality, things had been different between them. He kept making overtures. He found excuses to spend time with her. She always knew when he was nearby. When he was sick or injured. When he was angry or sad. He seemed to become good at reading her emotions. Then on the day that she told Trip that she was going to marry Koss, she felt . . . What did she feel? Love, pain, betrayal, anger, and despair. Along with a need to protect her. And the last week has been very frustrating when it comes to mediation. Trip kept interrupting her thoughts. It didn't make sense. It shouldn't happen.

"I don't understand."

Her mother sighed. "Yes, you do. You understand at an instinctual level. He is your mate. I can sense when he is near you. See it in your actions when he is not. You are bonded to him. Nothing that either Koss or I can do will change that. You need to be honest with yourself. Accept what has happened. Denial will only increase the suffering you all feel. Is that what you want?"

T'Pol refused to answer that question. It wasn't that she didn't know the answer. She did. She just didn't want to say it. This situation was a no win for everyone. No win for her, Koss, or Trip. Everyone would suffer in some way. Koss had her to himself on paper but nowhere else. Trip had her heart, but couldn't do anything with it. And she lacked what she wanted most: Trip. This situation was not sustainable.

"What do you want?" She finally said.

"I want you to admit that you made an error. Then correct that error as soon as possible."

"And how do I do that?" T'Pol challenged.

Her mother shook her head. "You need to let one of them go, T'Pol. Whether it is Commander Tucker or Koss, I cannot say. That is up to you. This is your choice, only you can make it. But you must make it soon. Or else you will all suffer needlessly." She stood up. "I have said what I wish to say. I will not interfere any further. Choose wisely, daughter."

T'Pol stared at her mother. She did not believe what she was hearing. If she didn't know any better, she would assume that she wanted her to choose Tucker. But that was impossible. Her mother had setup this match with Koss years ago while she was a child. Why would she change her mind now? What occurred before Trip left Vulcan?

Her mother did not wait for T'Pol to respond. She left the room to allow her to consider what was said. This made mediation impossible. Her mind was caught in too much turmoil. T'Pol had too much on her mind. She could not purge her emotions at all.

T'Pol decided to head immediately to Mount Seleya. She did not want to risk another conversation with her mother. She needed to purge this feeling from her system. Not embrace it. She did not want to reevaluate her choices. She just wanted to move forward.

Over the next couple of weeks, T'Pol tried and tried to mediate. However, she found it difficult to clear her mind. She contacted no one. Still, she found her mind drifting towards Earth and Trip. She did not see any more scenes of Tucker traveling on Earth. However, sometimes she would swear that she would hear his voice. It was quite unnerving. Eventually, she would always give up meditating about midday and wander the grounds until the evening meal. Her visit to the monastery was not as successful as she would have preferred. It seemed that she had a real predicament to deal with.

Finally, the day had come to return to Enterprise. Her scheduled transport was due to leave in a few hours. For some reason that she could not ascertain, she had decided to book passage on a ship called Sarajevo, a human vessel. She did not understand her choice of quarters until she entered. It was faint, but she could smell Tucker in the room. He had stayed here. It must have been a subconscious decision. She shouldn't have known which ship he used and what quarters he had stayed in. Trip did not tell her. She hadn't received any communication from him since the wedding. He hadn't even told her that he was leaving. It was logical to leave, considering the circumstances, but it bothered her that he did not say goodbye. He should have done that much.

T'Pol decided to remain in her quarters for most of the journey. Opting only to come out for meals. She studied any communications that she missed while at the monastery. She was polite and respectful to the humans, but she opted to engage in conversation as little as possible. This was extremely difficult as there were few vulcans onboard. And she was famous amongst both species. It seemed that the story of Enterprise was the talk of the town, as humans would say. They very much wanted to discuss it. It was something annoying that she could handle well enough. She had plenty of experience with humans. There were ways to be polite and end the conversation quickly. They usually got the message.

When she fell asleep at night, she could almost swear that Tucker was there with her. His scent was overpowering. Even when it was covered up by cleaning products and other humans. His scent reminded her of when they were intimate. She longed to be with him again. It made her sleep restless. It was also because, within a short time, she would be back at her post with him. And she wanted that very much. Even if she had no idea how to interact with him now. Things were going to be awkward. Of that she was certain. Not that she cared. She would be near him again. That would provide some relief to this agony.

The Sarajevo pulled into port just under three days after it left Vulcan. She transferred from a civilian port to Starfleet headquarters. From there, she joined several others going to Enterprise. She didn't really know the humans that she was traveling with. They appeared to be new recruits. Which Enterprise needed badly. They were excited to join the famous vessel. She found their excitement tolerable. It seemed that she was used to humans by now. She even managed to hold a conversation with a few of them for a while. She was going to be their CO. It was best to get to know them a little bit.

Once they docked, she went to her quarters to drop off her personal effects. She didn't need to be told that Tucker was onboard. She knew before the shuttle docked. She could feel that he was both excited and annoyed. Although she was uncertain if that was because of her or not. She decided, for the moment, to avoid Engineering. She was about to head to the Captain's ready room when she received an order to go to the bridge. There was a situation that needed their immediate attention. It seemed that she was going to run into Commander Tucker sooner than anticipated.

The meeting in the situation room on the bridge went about as well as she would expect it to. Most of the senior staff had just returned from shore leave and were in their civilian clothes - including Tucker and herself. He looked so much like he did the day she told him that she was getting married that it was unnerving. He even wore the same clothes. Trip made a point not to look at her. Opting to focus on the Captain walking around the room. She could tell by his body language alone that he was uncomfortable. Sure, he was concerned about the augments but that was not what was bothering him so much. He did not know how to interact with her. The others were oblivious to his discomfort, but T'Pol picked right up on it. He wanted to get out of that room as fast as he could. He wanted to get away from her. It seemed that he was not over what happened on Vulcan just yet. Perhaps her mother was right. It was cruel to keep him strung along like this. She should let him go. Yet, she could not bring herself to do that. She could not let go.

A few hours later and it was almost time to leave orbit. It appeared that Trip had calmed down a lot since then. He was still uncomfortable, but he was better at hiding it now. If she didn't know him so well, she would have been fooled. He tried to be supportive by asking about a 'honeymoon' that she and Koss supposedly shared. A human tradition that she had never heard of before. She was going to ask him what he was talking about when they were interrupted by the Captain. She looked it up in the database later on to understand what he was talking about. It said: 'Honeymoon: a vacation or trip that a newly married couple takes to celebrate their marriage.' This custom was not something that vulcans practiced. Although she was not opposed to taking such a trip with him. It sounded intriguing. Not that this would ever happen. She was married to someone else. She made a note to discuss it with Tucker later and explain that there was no such thing as a 'honeymoon' on Vulcan. For the moment, she tried to focus on the job at hand. Dealing with her 'boy troubles' would have to wait.