The days were long for Parker when Jarod left with his father and JR on early morning cattle drives deep into the plains. In some ways she savoured the space, the time to reflect on the monumental changes in her since she had become a mother and disentangled herself from the machinations of the Centre. Jarod had pulled back somewhat after they had finally crossed that physical line and for that she was relieved. He seemed finally ready to meet her where she was at. She could finally breathe. He stopped watching her like at any moment she would evaporate into the wind. The possessiveness was now channelled into securing their safety on the ranch. He developed complicated security systems that she was sure could rival if not better those at the White House. He spent hours in the barn and she left him to it, busying herself with Michael and the simple domesticity of preparing meals. She stood at the range now slowly stirring stewed apples and pears and allowed herself a small smile. If someone had told her a year ago that she would be formulating recipes for pureed fruit she would have been sick laughing. For someone who didn't 'do Mommy' she was becoming a full blown Martha Stewart. Parker grinned. She kinda liked Martha. Martha had spunk. Martha had balls. She still reminded the boys she had edges though and engaged in a ridiculous rivalry with JR which involved shooting cans off the fence. No bb guns though. Parker still kept her skills sharp and could whip that glock out of a pair of levis in less than 2 seconds.
"I love glock" she had whispered hotly in Jarod's ear after she had beaten JR for the third time one Saturday morning. Jarod had grabbed her by the wrist as she passed "Still the same old Parker" he had growled with a raised eyebrow. "Don't you forget it" she called as she made her way back towards the house.
"You got spit up on your shoulder!" he called back at her and she wouldn't let him see her laugh.
Feeding the boy was easier now her nipples had developed a resistance to the baby's eager mouth and she found genuine peace in the hours before dawn as he suckled contentedly. The connection astounded her. He gazed into her eyes transfixed as she fed him, one little hand always digging into the tender flesh of her breast. The thoughts of him being taken were intrusive and relentless. For weeks she had literally slept with one eye open. Hyper vigilant. Sleep deprived. Traumatised. She took long walks by the lake when Jarod was on Dad duty. She walked for four hours one day. He had come looking for her. Concern furrowing his brow and tightening his mouth as he pulled the horse up beside her.
"Thank God. I thought something happened you"
She had no idea she had been gone so long and looked at him in confusion. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to push the thoughts aside, but they kept coming back, relentless. Her guilt. Her anger at herself. Her fear of losing Michael. Of something happening to Jarod. Her own vulnerability felt foreign to her, like something she'd never given in to before. Jarod dismounted and sensing her quiet reflection slipped his arms around her waist. He pressed his forehead against hers before meeting her lips with his. The first few encounters between them had been frantic, a release of years of pent up frustration and fantasy. Now, now he could kiss her for hours. Makeout sessions on the couch like he was sixteen years old.
"Guess I'm making up for all I missed" he had whispered to Parker when she complained she was getting beard rash from his stubble. Their love making was slow. His touches always deliberate and careful, as though he was savouring the sensation of just being with her. Parker was in awe of his capacity for love after everything he had been through. She felt his support, the way he stepped up in ways she never expected, always there to help, to listen, to care for her and Michael. Her life had changed so drastically in such a short time there were still occasional moments before she opened her eyes in the morning when she thought she was still in her mother's summer house, that she would have to rise and slip into a fitted suit and drive to the Centre. Face her father. Her sociopathic brother. The weight of Jarod's arm always draped across her stomach pulled her back into her reality. The soft breathing and occasional snuffles of her child in his crib chinking through the fog of her past. The pieces of her life that had once felt scattered and incomplete now seemed to come together with a sense of clarity she had never experienced before.
Jarod held her tighter, the shadows beginning to loom as the wind picked up. His hand smoothed down her back as he sheltered her against the wind. He drew his hands to her face, her skin cold. Pushing her hair out of her face he smoothed his thumbs across her cheeks. She had been barefaced for weeks now. That early morning in the Dover hotel the last time he saw her apply makeup. She had used four wash cloths taking it off in the ranch that first night. That first awkward night when he had to bid goodbye in the hallway and step reluctantly into his own room alone, leaving her and his son in the other bedroom. He hadn't known how to say goodnight. He had followed her into her room and watched as she placed Michael in his crib. He had leaned over to kiss his forehead before she put him down. She had slipped her hands into her jeans back pockets and looked around the room. Looked everywhere except into his face. She was exhausted he had realised. He wouldn't push her. They would talk she had said. They would talk when they were all safe. He had hesitated for the briefest moment before pressing a kiss to her cheek and pulling her into a tight hug. The Chanel had still been on her skin then. On her neck. A powdery, floral scent that had haunted him for years. He would admit to her someday that in the early days of their cat and mouse games he would often frequent the upmarket stores that sold the perfume and spray it on his wrist. Bringing it to his nose when he spoke to her on the phone. His lips had begun to almost involuntarily kiss the soft skin of her neck that first night and he could feel her tense, her heart like a jack hammer in her chest. Just as he was about to move to her lips she had pulled away, placing her hand on his chest again.
"Lets slip down a gear Jarod" she had whispered softly, in apology. She tilted her chin to look into his eyes. "I'm not rejecting you I promise….it's just….this is all-". He smiled and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear.
"I just don't know how to be apart from you both right now….I don't know how to be around you without touching you….I'm sorry"
"Don't be sorry Jarod. Don't be. I'm pumped full of hormones right now, my body feels like it's been hit by a freight train, my tits have turned against me. …I've just turned my back on the only life I've ever known. I'm now someone's mother….Jesus…." she put a hand over her mouth.
"I get it" he soothed "I'm here that's all. I'm right here. For both of you. Just say the word. Whatever you need. And right now I can see you want to be alone".
"I need to get my head together. This turning point Jarod….obviously I was gonna take it for him….but…never…never did I imagine that…I would be used by my father like this….the humiliation Jarod…the betrayal…the way I treated you….the way I wouldn't listen to you…even though somewhere…somewhere I knew you were right…I ignored my feelings…treated you like shit…" .
He gripped her arms.
"Hey. Hey. You were surviving. You did what do did to survive. And you made it. We're here. He's here. He's safe".
"His name's Michael" she whispered and Jarod gaped and looked down at the infant who was gazing up at them. His eyes slightly unfocused. His little fists clenched tightly. He let out a little squeek.
Jarod picked him up and held him close "Michael" he murmured against his head.
"You hit the jackpot with your Mom Michael, she's incredible. Just wait till you see. Wait till you see how much she's gonna love you. How much I'm gonna love you". The baby drew his forehead against Jarod's chest and he raised his eyebrows at Parker.
"I can't help you there buddy" he chuckled before passing him gently over to Parker. She was quickly becoming adept at unbuttoning her blouse with one hand as she cradled the boy with the other.
"I'll say goodnight" Jarod said, shyly this time as he watched her peel away fabric to reveal creamy flesh.
"Goodnight Jarod" she said softly as she sat on a chair by the window. He was in the hallway when she called after him softly "You'll bunk in here soon….don't doubt it".
He had smiled "Its okay to be scared. But you don't have to face it alone. We can learn how to do this together". He closed her door gently and entered the cold darkness of his own room.
Parker rubbed her arms as she waited for Jarod to mount the horse, immediately missing his warmth when he pulled away. When he was secure, she pulled herself up behind him and gripped his waist tightly as he kicked his heels and they made for home.
JR was making more of a mess than he was making chilli but Parker appreciated someone else cooking. She had done it the past four evenings. She wondered how Michael would react to the spices in her milk. She looked over at him. Jarod was bouncing him on his knee as he and his Dad went through invoices. He was attempting to grab pieces of paper from the table, Jarod gently moving envelopes out of reach. He looked up at Jarod in recrimination and made a yep of protest.
"Is Daddy being mean?" she soothed, as she reached down and cupped his baby fat cheek.
Jarod slipped an arm around her waist and the Major raised an eyebrow.
They had almost been caught in a few compromising positions the past few weeks and Jarod hadn't had a man to man discussion with his father about Parker yet. They just didn't go there even through Jarod could see the man's eyes tracking them. Watching them quietly. He couldn't quite grasp Jarod's infatuation with the woman who had hunted him around the world the past few years but he held his tongue. He knew from JR there was history there he wasn't privy to.
"Miss Parker used to sneak Jarod out of his room at the Centre when they were kids. They were friends. They used to play together. She told me she had felt for him but never told him". JR had revealed this the first night Jarod and Parker arrived when the Major had noticed the way Jarod couldn't take his eyes off her and fussed and fretted over her just as much as he did over his new born son. There was so much of Jarod's life he knew nothing about. Now he had his own family. His own boy to raise.