"You can't hide from me forever."
Sarah jolted awake, breathing heavily and sweating. Her hand came up to her face. She felt the thin gauze on the right side and knew that it was real. But the voice that invaded her dreams felt so real to her as well. She could hear Bruno's voice, taunting her, haunting her.
She heard footsteps in the hallway. She reached at the nightstand for her gun, until she remembered that Gibbs had locked it up until she was better. She sighed and looked for anything that could be a weapon when she heard the doorknob. She tensed up and tightened her grip on the lamp beside her as the door opened, only relaxing when she found it was just Gibbs. He rushed toward her and put a hand on hers.
"Is everything ok, Sarah?" She nodded and sank back onto the bed.
"Everything is fine," she said quietly. He sat on the bed beside her and pulled her close. He could feel she had been sweating.
"Nightmare?" he asked quietly. She lightly nodded. "Do you want to talk about it?" She shook her head this time. "Ok, but know I am here if you need it." He opened the blankets back up. She climbed into the bed and let him tuck her back in. He found her wolf on the floor across the room and gave it to her. She clutched it immediately.
"Sleep well, Sarah."
"Night Gibbs," she whispered as she drifted off. He shut off the lights and closed the door behind him.
Sarah was sitting in the dining room working intently on a puzzle. Gibbs sat beside her and watched her work quietly. She had been very tight-lipped about her experience, and he wanted her to talk about it. She had seemed to have chosen to internalize it instead of letting it out. An idea formed in his head as she worked on creating the picture. She reached for the box that contained more of the pieces, but Gibbs quickly grabbed it first.
"Hey!" she protested, glaring at him.
"Why don't you work with what you've got now?" Gibbs responded, his voice calm but firm. Sarah shot him an irritated look but turned back to the puzzle in front of her, not saying a word. She reached for the box again.
"How about this?" he proposed. "For every piece you put in, you say one thing. You do that, and I will give you the box back."
She looked at the box, then looked at the pieces on the table. She thought about the situation and sighed. He was forcing her to talk, even though she still was not comfortable with it. She put her hand out toward the box.
"Fine." Her voice resigned, barely over a whisper. She held out her hand and Gibbs handed her the box. She sifted through the pieces until she found a piece and placed it in its spot in the picture.
"He knew everything." Her fingers were steady as she slid another two into place. "Torture was always his favorite method in the past – and it clearly still is. When he was at the agency still, he would study his targets, learn their weakness, and use it all to his advantage. And sometimes, I think he got off on it, rather enjoyed it." Another one linked in beside a group. "By nature of working and training together, he knew all of mine." She hesitated as she moved a bigger group into place. "Electric shock was one of his favorites. Left welts and scars he could see and feel and inflame again." Her fingers moved to the edge of her shirt. She hesitated. Gibbs put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. She carefully slid up the shirt so he could see the large bandage across her stomach. It was starting to fall off, so he carefully peeled it away and immediately saw what she spoke of. The burn marks were red and inflamed. The area still looked just as angry as they were in the hospital. As he peeled away the remaining loose bandage, his fingers accidentally grazed some of the welts and it caused her to wince. He could tell they were still tender.
"We'll get a new bandage on that," he said quietly, his voice a mixture of concern and resolve. She nodded and fixed her shirt, so it did not rub on the tender skin.
"The burns were constant," Sarah continued, her voice growing quieter. "The beatings weren't so bad after that. But the knife…" She paused, taking a shaky breath. "He loved using it." She set down the box and turned to him. She placed her hands in his on his lap.
"He knew my fear of needles. He would jab them into me, knowing exactly where to strike." She looked at him, eyes haunted. "He knew everything. Every weak point and exactly how to strike them. I mean look!" She motioned to the scar down the right side of her face.
She sighed and grew quiet. "He liked psychological torture to. He enjoyed breaking someone down, making them feel worthless, like there was no hope left. Usually it was about getting information. But this time? This time, it felt like he wanted something more. Something… different."
"Revenge?" Gibbs asked softly, his eyes never leaving her face.
She nodded. "Yes, that. And maybe a fantasy as well. So, he didn't hold back. Cuts, blows, kicks, electrocution – he used it all." A small tear rolled out of her eyes. She quickly wiped it away, hoping it hid the wall breaking inside her. "The pain became so unbearable I stopped feeling. I just … lost myself." Her voice cracked and a flood of tears poured down her face. "I lost hope. I was so weak… I wasn't worth saving."
Gibbs's heart ached at her words. He reached out, taking her arms gently in his hands to draw her attention.
"Listen to me Sarah." His voice firm but filled with compassion. "You are worth it. You are just as important as anyone else on the team. You matter. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise." Tears leaked out of her eyes and began to rush down her face.
Gibbs let go of her hands and pulled her close to him. She was sobbing into his shirt. He rubbed her back as her body shook with her sobs.
"I can't do it. I can't go back there." She held on tighter. "Please don't make me go back."
Gibbs held her as she sobbed. He had never seen her so fragile. She had always been a strong member of the team. This really shook her up. He was trying to figure out ways to help her move on and to start to heal. His heart broke seeing her so upset.