The burning summer sun was pushing it's way through the window, landing on top of Naoto's arm and heating up the young man. With a wry smile, dedicated to the completion of his work, he wiped his brow off the sweat collecting there. With a focused and steady hand, he applied a few more brush strokes to his canvas. This was going to be one of the last times he would be able to spend in the art room of Kazehaya high, before the summer vacation began. He wanted to make sure that he could finish all the projects he had started before then, to go into his free time with no regrets.
Naoto had spent the better part of the last hour painting a bird that had fallen asleep in it's nest, right outside the window of the art room. More than anything, he needed to make sure to finish this one before the bird deigned it time to move on with it's own life. It was coming along quite well, his choice of colors and attention to detail leading to the creation of something he'd consider one of his finest works. At least if considered outside of the scope of drawings he had done of Nagatoro. The girl was something special and drew out an entirely different set of talents from him.
It was right after he had put another perfect brush stroke to the canvas and was going to take a sip of his water bottle, when the art room door was slammed open. With a jolt Naoto hopped off his stool and looked over to the person in the frame. The very action of checking to see who could have been the one to disturb his concentration was a redundant one. Who else would it have been?
"N-Nagatoro, could you not be so loud please?" Naoto asked of the tanned girl standing in the door frame, a devious grin spanning across her whole face. This was never a good sign, but Naoto had learned to deal with most of what she threw at him.
Nagatoro skipped into the room, not even bothering to close the door behind her. "Whatcha up to Senpai~?"
Naoto nodded his head toward the door, wishing she didn't need to constantly be reminded to shut it every time to keep the noise of the hallway and classrooms out of his sanctuary, but Nagatoro simply ignored his gesture. Instead she walked behind him, wrapping her right arm around his neck and leaned in to check the piece he had put on his canvas. The closeness caused Naoto to flush slightly, but with a few deep breaths and iron focus, he was able to stop himself from panicking. Nagatoro didn't need any ammunition to mess with him today.
"Wow~" Nagatoro giggled a little and began intently gazing at her Senpai. "Such a nice painting. Almost makes me jealous Senpai."
"W-W-Why would it do that!?" Naoto asked bewildered. He personally considered his work surrounding the girl to be his crowning achievements. There was no way she could objectively consider this painting to be better than the drawings he had made of her.
Nagatoro ran the fingers of her right hand, still wrapped around Naoto's neck, up his collar bone and let them rest on his cheek. "Looks like there is so much love and effort in that one. How about drawing me like that?"
"W-W-W-" Naoto began faltering internally. No matter how much time he spent with Nagatoro, he would never get used to the way she was able to mess with him in such intimate and seductive ways, only to pull the rug out from under him and play it all off at the last second.
"Or do you maybe need some incentive~?" Nagatoro cooed while moving her face closer to his.
Naoto's head had become an active volcano with the amount of heat it was radiating. The girl was getting ever closer to him. She closed her eyes!
Oh god. Oh god.
Naoto's mind began to race, yet every single thought he could conjure was one that involved kissing Hayase. He wanted to kiss her so bad.
Please.
He closed his eyes and slightly puckered his lips. Nagatoro's hot breath against his face caused his mind to go incredibly loopy. Naoto wanted to grab her, pull her into a tight embrace and kiss her so badly.
But of course, the kiss never came. Instead he heard the irritating squeaking of sneakers slipping across laminated wood and a few quick, heavy footsteps sprinting toward the still open club door.
"Gross Senpai~" he could hear Nagatoro laughing from across the room. "Too bad creepy, virgin Senpai, you were this close to kissing a girl! Try not do anything too indecent with that thought in your mind, okay~?"
Before Naoto could even turn to react, Nagatoro had fled the scene, leaving him standing by himself. Alone again, Naoto didn't have remotely enough energy to get properly flustered or upset. Except maybe with himself. He should have known better. How many more times would it take until he got the hint?
The boy reached down to pick up his brush, which he had dropped in the midst of all the antics that she had caused once again.
That's all Nagatoro brought to his world. A whole lot of manic chaos, filling him to the brim with anxiety, uncertainties, emotions he couldn't fully contain and embarrassing desires he was ashamed of having. And then just as quickly as she had come to deliver that cacophony of madness to him, she would leave. Every time.
Naoto wasn't stupid. He knew that he was a nobody. He was well aware of his lack of any quality that would easily identify him as a 'man'. Naoto was just a loner. A creepy pervert. Someone meant to be played with and then tossed aside at one's own leisure. The idea of someone like Hayase Nagatoro, an incredibly popular, athletic, highly intelligent girl that could get or do anything she'd set her mind to, being in any way interested in him outside of a plaything, was just a joke.
Yet it was his favorite joke. One he loved to tell himself all the time. The kind that he'd repeat to himself at night, beneath his covers, when it was one of the only things pushing him to get out of bed the next day.
Yeah and guess what happened next?
She told me she liked me! Hahah~
Wouldn't that be something?
Naoto looked at his canvas, the sleeping bird's peaceful bliss captured on it for all eternity. A glance toward the tree revealed the empty nest, the painting he had made just a fraud, capturing a single moment he could use to spin a narrative.
To any who saw the painting he could declare that the bird was still there, sleeping as peaceful as ever. It could have died content in it's slumber. It could have flown off, carried by the wind to find food for it's offspring. She could really like him. All lies.
Paintings were just lies.
Art was all a lie.
Naoto grabbed the sides of the canvas, examining it intently. The bird looked crestfallen. As if it didn't want to lift it's wing for another flight among the clouds. As if it wanted to starve itself, because the thought of continuing on with it's meaningless existence was too tiring.
The bird was broken.
The canvas was broken.
Nagatoro sprinted down the halls of her high school, her legs feeling like rubber, barely obeying her commands to keep her upright. The breaths escaping her were ragged and she knew that she should stop running, just for a second to recover. But she couldn't. She couldn't handle the sensation she was experiencing. Her heart was pounding so hard against her chest to the point that she felt sick.
Nagatoro had almost kissed her Senpai. She had gotten so close. Images of the boys gorgeous face filled her mind. The flush on his face as he readied himself for the kiss was something she couldn't handle. Nagatoro had just wanted to pinch his cheeks and tell him how unbelievably cute he had been, but her mind melted. Her pride and inability to bare her feelings began pounding against her brain in a desperate attempt to stop her actions.
Stuck between her ever increasing and all consuming desire to kiss her Senpai and get the idea through his thick skull that she wanted him all to herself and her spine tingling fear of rejection and hurt that could come from letting her true feelings show, Nagatoro broke and fled.
The girl felt like an absolute idiot. She knew he liked her. He had to! The amount of time they had spent together, how unbelievably flustered he got around her at all points in time. The way he drew her...
Nagatoro finally screeched to a halt and began smacking her cheeks to get her thoughts back under control. She was getting gross now. She couldn't help herself, he was all her brain could concern itself with. Hayase clutched her chest and began steadying her breathing.
Every time she got close to him it got a little harder to control herself. At first it started with a kiss on his cheek. Then she got handsy with him. Now she wanted to hug and kiss him properly. She even told him she wished to be his bride once, which wasn't a lie, but something she had to immediately play off out of fear of looking like the biggest creepy perv that there could be.
Nagatoro knew that she had a couple of screws loose at this point. She was absolutely head over heels for the boy, but could never bring herself to show it properly. It steadily tore away at her. Eventually she knew, there would be no self control anymore.
A heavy blush spread on her face as she imagined the day her self control would completely give way and Naoto was in for a whole different kind of experience. If she couldn't properly communicate to him how much she loved him with words, which she definitely couldn't, she'd have to go about it in her own, physical way.
The girl leaned against one of the lockers in the hallway, her breathing becoming more uneven once again.
Calm down! she chided herself. You're such a gross virgin Hayase~
Nagatoro giggled to herself and skipped toward her next class.
Naoto roused from his sleep, the dim glow of his night lamp stinging his worn out eyes. A quick glance at the alarm clock next to him told him it was well into the night.
Just a dream. Just a shitty memory.
The man moved to the edge of his bed, legs dangling off the side and stretched a little. His head was hammering at him from the inside and he was begging for the relief of some pain killers. With uneven steps he got off the bed and made his way to his room's door. Slowly, to keep himself steady, he opened the door leading into their living room. Parked on the couch, watching some sickly sweet romcom, were Tadano and his girlfriend Komi. Tadano's arm was wrapped around her side and the woman's head was comfortably resting on his shoulder.
Naoto moved as quietly as he could behind them, as to not disrupt their adorable moment, but to his dismay he bumped into one of their amps left carelessly placed and careened toward the floor.
"Fuck."
A terrified yelp from Komi signaled that Naoto had messed up. Pain shot through his foot and his brain was now actively deciding that it had enough and tried to vacate the premises. If Naoto could wish spontaneous death upon himself, now would be the time he'd wish to utilize this power.
Within a few seconds, Tadano was by his side, helping Naoto onto his feet. "Sorry you two, I didn't mean to startle you."
"You're fine Naoto," Tadano responded with a slightly embarrassed smile on his face. Komi behind him nodded slowly, despite her crimson face betraying her.
Naoto stood for a moment, before realizing he was unable to keep himself vertical, forcing him to lean forward to rely on his friend for support, which he instantly gave. That's just the kind of guy Tadano was. Always the best friend one could wish for.
Amused by his own twisted thoughts he pushed himself even closer against Tadano, rested his chin on the man's shoulder to look directly into Komi's eyes and said, "You know, if you don't hold onto him, I'll snatch him up myself."
Komi instantly panicked, her eyes growing twice their size and began fervently flinging her arms around, motioning for Naoto to back away from her boyfriend and cut it out.
Naoto let out a chuckle and pushed away from his friend, who was also slightly flushed by the man's sense of humor. "Jeez, Naoto. Where'd that come from?"
With a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, Naoto lowered his gaze and responded, "From my dreams, I guess."
Tadano and Komi both shared a mixture of confusion and concern for Naoto, but he immediately brushed it off.
"Anyway, I'll go down a few tablets of EVE A and then head back to bed."
With that Naoto did as he had set out to do, grabbed some of the pain killers off the 'community counter' as they called it, retrieved a bottle of water from the fridge in their tiny kitchen and returned to his room after waving goodnight to his friends.
Left to himself, in the darkness of his corner of the world, Naoto sat on the desk where he did most of his university work as well as writing for the band. His room wasn't the greatest thing, but he thought it conveyed everything one needed to know about him. Which was to say, not much at all. A small bookshelf had been placed next to the desk, which itself was shoved into a corner behind the door. A small table was beside his bed, with a light and alarm clock placed upon it.
The window had a less than pleasant view of the alley behind their apartment, which is why his curtains were closed at almost all times of the day. Despite this, he couldn't help but be pleased with the situation they had got going on. Three guys under one roof, able to juggle college, part time jobs and a musical career in the midst of the bustling city of Tokyo. It wasn't the life he had ever planned on living but now that he was in the middle of it, he couldn't imagine it any other way.
That was until today. Until his nightmares returned to him. The demoness that broke his body and soul trying to worm her way back into his life despite Naoto's every attempt to cut those two years off his existence out of his mind. He knew he could never fully forget about her. His therapist had told him that often enough. But to have her literally appear out of nowhere and dig into his brain with her cruel claws and rip open the wounds barely able to heal, was something he hadn't expected.
Feeling both heat and cold sweeping through his body, Naoto quickly sat down at the edge of his bed to prevent any further encounters with the floor. Holding his pounding head within his hands, the man shut his eyes and tried to find comfort in pleasant memories. Even though there were so few outside of the last two years he had spent with his new friends. Being bullied one's whole life didn't lead to warm, fuzzy feelings during trips down memory lane.
A knock on his door slowly pulled Naoto back out of his own mind.
"What's up?"
The door opened an inch and Tadano's head snaked it's way into the room.
"Hiya," the cheerful guy called out with a comforting smile on his face. "Just wanted to make sure you're doing alright in here."
Naoto returned the smile and nodded. "Thanks man. I am doing alright now. I just need to sleep today off."
"Whatever helps you," Tadano replied, trying his best not to let the concern show in his voice. "Just know I am always right out here if you need me. Okay?"
"I know. You the best."
Tadano grinned from ear to ear and retreated back into the living room, gently closing the door.
Once alone again, Naoto threw himself into bed with a sigh on his lips. As much as he loved his friend, he hated that there was nothing he could really hide from him. The guy was like an emotional blood hound, always homing in on others when they needed support in anything. Which was absolutely outstanding, if not for the fact that Naoto just wanted to let his feelings stew and really nourish the self hatred. If he didn't feel the garbage that his mind decided to saddle him with every night, he wouldn't really feel much at all.
Joy was so fleeting for him. Any kind of happiness one could elicit within him was consumed and exhausted within mere seconds, before the chemicals in his brain ceased to function again. There were only two situations in which Naoto felt truly alive:
When he was on stage.
And when he was in the deepest pit of despair.
Although, sometimes, thanks to the subject matters of their songs, the two would mix into a elating experience in which the young man could truly feel every fiber of his being screaming in agony, while also yearning for his life to never end.
Naoto rolled to the side, his favorite position to sleep in, and was about to let sleep overtake him, when he saw the light on his phone blink, notifying him of a new text message.
Gamo, Yoshi and Sakura were absolutely exhausted after the trouble they had gone through to carry Nagatoro all the way back to their hotel room. Once there, the three deposited the motionless ragdoll onto her bed and changed out of their street clothes into something far more comfortable.
Gamo was the first back in the room with Hayase and sat on the bed next to her. Rolling her eyes at the absurdity of the night, she put her hand on her friend's leg and shook her gently.
"How long you planning on acting like this?" Gamo asked. "How awkward ya gotta be to let us drag you back?"
Hayase didn't react. From her position, she was able to see out of the window to admire the lights of Tokyo again, like she had done the day prior. It managed to soothe her.
He's out there, right now.
I want to see him.
The corners of Gamo's mouth twitched in irritation. "Are you even listening to me?"
Still complete silence.
"So you just gonna mope around like this for the rest of our stay?" Gamo complained, a vile emotion rising within her. She tried so hard to fight it off, but Hayase made it so difficult. "We're all here to hang out together! Yeah, what happened today was unfortunate, but we're just gonna have to deal with that and move on, okay!?"
Hayase pulled her arms and legs closer to herself, looking like she was curling up into a ball to shield herself from Gamo's words. She didn't want to deal with the reality of the situation. She wanted to see her Senpai and nothing else. Hayase knew it was awful of her, but the moment she had seen him again, the rest of her life just sort of took a step back. And then just as quickly, she had lost sight of him again.
Yoshi waltzed into the room, drying her hair with a towel with one hell of a goofy expression on her face. "The hot water is so nice~"
The woman immediately froze once she took in the cold air within the room. Looking over to Gamo and Nagatoro, side by side on the bed, looking tense as ever, she felt a shiver run down her spine. She would have loved to hop back into the warm shower, but Sakura had since taken up residency in there.
Gamo was still fuming on the inside, Hayase's lack of response frustrating her to no end. "What the hell are you even doing!? Look at me damn it!"
The redhead grabbed Hayase by her shoulders and pulled her to the side, forcing her to look at Gamo.
"This is not how you talk about your problems, you idiot!" Gamo shouted at her, caught between wanting to punch her friend and wanting to drown her in affection.
Hayase just glowered at her, absolutely having none of this. "Let go."
Yoshi considered checking whether or not Sakura could use her assistance in the shower.
"Ain't happening," Gamo bit back, not willing to admit that her mixed emotions were getting the better of her.
"Let. Go."
Nagaoto's eyes narrowed, all color seemingly draining from them.
Gamo knew she was pissed, positively livid even. But a part of the older woman was gladdened by that. At least it was something other than despair.
"Whatcha gonna do?" she egged her own, hoping that the two of them could tussle a little and get Hayase to at least come out of her shell even if it was through the language of rough housing.
She was never prepared for the viciousness.
Hayase slapped Gamo across the face, the impact of skin echoing throughout the room. A severe burning sensation radiated out from the center of where her palm had collided with Gamo's cheek, with a clear hand imprint visible to everyone who dared look.
The immediate effect of the action was two fold; Hayase did indeed snap out of her depression, an expression of absolute shock and disbelief on her face. Meanwhile, Gamo, who had recovered from how not prepared she had been for that, glared at the other woman, a look of pure hatred in her eyes.
Yoshi's spirit had left this realm.
"G-Gamo, I- I am so sorry, I-I didn't mean to..."
Gamo quickly held her hand up to silence Hayase.
The tanned woman was absolutely horrified by her own actions, deeply, deeply remorseful of what she had just done. Gamo had always been her best friend. Hayase loved her like no other. Yet she had found it within her to truly hurt her.
"There it is," Gamo said so quietly that only Hayase could hear her. "That's who you are when backed into a corner. And you want another chance with him?"
Hayase could feel the pain rising up in here, wrecking every inch of her body along the way. "Stop... Please..."
But Gamo could no longer hold her own misgivings in. Her gaze fell onto her own feet, tears of bitter anger distorting her vision. She couldn't stop her fists from shaking.
"You had something so good going. And you managed to fuck it all up. That boy was already all yours, all you had to do was open your STUPID mouth and TELL HIM how you felt!"
Hayase put her hands over her head, desperately trying to drown Gamo's words out.
Someone make her stop!
"He WORSHIPPED the ground you walked on! He would have groveled at your feet! But you are just so stupid, so unbelievably-"
"STOP GAMO!"
The redhead spun around and spotted Sakura, clad in nothing but a towel, the water dripping off of her drenching the floor. Clearly heart broken by the display in front of her, Sakura stepped forward, pushing past the frozen Yoshi, to try and save the situation.
"Don't you dare say anything you will regret later," she admonished her friend. "What's done is done."
But Gamo couldn't just let go. She had been saddled with this knowledge for all this time. For some reason, maybe just to mess with her after all, Hayase only shared the information with her and no one else. And so Gamo had to keep quiet, even though it was eating her up inside. All she wanted to do was talk to someone who could share with her in this sorrow she felt for the boy who died that night.
Feeling bile rise up in her, Gamo walked past her friends and grabbed a coat. "I'll be back."
Without another word she left the apartment and slammed the door behind her. She needed fresh air, at least. Maybe a dozen cans of beer to go with it.
Outside in the cold of the night, Gamo made sure to zip up her coat as to not freeze her ass off. Considering her options for a 'refreshment', she made a bee line for the nearest liquor store that looked halfway inviting and purchased a six pack for herself. Leaving the store with her purchase, she wandered for a little while before coming across a small park with a decent looking bench.
Sitting on it now, with an opened ice-cold can in her hand, the woman began drinking and staring at the stars.
This trip had turned out to be quite the disaster. Gamo always thought that the past would eventually come to bite Hayase in the butt, but it could have never prepared her for something like this. Truth be told, she wasn't really mad about the smack she had received, even though the thing smarted like a bitch.
What truly got under her skin was knowing just how much of a fake veneer Hayase was putting up at all times of her life now. Nothing about her felt genuine anymore. Gamo knew her better than most people and she could tell that the girl was broken and probably rotten to the core at this point. Not from the lack of trying though. Gamo knew that she truly had put her all into the sports she pursuit and was serious about trying to compete in her own ways to achieve some sort of goal.
But that was the wrong way to go about it. Even if she had become a world renown athlete and snagged a gold medal at the Olympics, Hayase wouldn't be any happier. There was no pleasing the woman with any of these lofty goals she could easily achieve if she focused on them.
Hayase wanted one man. That was it. That was her goal in life. And she couldn't have him. Because she blew her chance. And it had absolutely ruined the person that Gamo had come to know and love.
It wasn't some matter of pride, of convincing anyone that the boy did in fact love her. Not completely at least. Gamo knew that Hayase's love for Naoto was genuine, beyond the shadow of a doubt. But her inability to express herself and the way she made up for that was just so unhealthy, it made Gamo sick.
Gamo wanted her friend to be happy and reclaim the man of her dreams. She wanted to see a happy ending for her. Yet she also wanted to keep her as far away from him as humanly possible. It was quite the conundrum.
Feeling the warmth inside her, brought on the by the brew she was consuming, Gamo crossed her legs and shut her eyes to contemplate life and all the choices that brought them to here. Whether or not there was a timeline in which none of this had happened and the five of them were a solid unit, enjoying the night sky together. One where they had made any effort to be genuine friends to Naoto Hachiouji.
Realizing that she could never go back but always had the future to look forward to, she pulled out her phone and texted the new contact she had gotten earlier that night.
'sup Paisen?