"NAOTO!"
Nagatoro could feel adrenaline flooding her system, as she watched the man she loved take a step toward an untimely end.
Lacking even a single moment to consider any options available to her, the woman flew forward, gripped tightly onto Naoto's right arm and yanked him backwards, as hard as she could. She could feel something tearing and giving away beneath his skin, but her mind was racing too fast to pay it any attention.
Naoto's body swiftly collided with hers, both of them losing their balance and crashing toward the ground.
Terrified, with countless images of Naoto's mangled and lifeless body flashing past her eyes, Nagatoro wrapped her arms around him, pulling him so tightly against her chest that she had a hard time breathing.
The train came to a halt and a handful of people tossed them disgusted looks, feeling more inconvenienced than anything, by their display. No one stopped to check on them, or asked if everything was alright.
To the rest of the world, nothing noteworthy had happened and they were complete nobodies.
Nagatoro, still on an all time adrenaline high, finally accepted that she'd die from asphyxiation, if she were to continue clutching Naoto to her chest the way she was, and slightly loosened her grip on him.
The man himself didn't move an inch, his face 'resting' next to Nagatoro's. She wasn't sure whether or not he was injured, but in her current state, she couldn't bring herself to fully let go of him to make sure.
Naoto had attempted to commit suicide right in front of her.
Not only that, she was undoubtedly the reason for his attempt in the first place.
Nagatoro's face was a blank canvas, no color nor life to speak of gracing its surface. She was absolutely drained of any sensation or feelings, other than pure despair.
Even when giving it her all to love him as kindly and cautiously as she could, he still hurt to such an extend, that he saw no alternative, other than to end it all.
No, it was more like loving him in the very way he had desired so, was the true cause of this severe reaction of his.
So being the woman she used to be in his presence would make him suffer, while loving him in the healthy and mature way they both wanted for each other, would turn him irate at her.
There was no right move.
It wasn't going to work.
Nagatoro could feel the adrenaline finally disperse, as her agony assaulted her with unbearably hot tears.
How could she ever hope to love him and have him love her in return, when everything she did hurt him? When every single step, no matter how carefully planned out, no matter how gently placed, would always lead to disaster?
Nagatoro began softly weeping into Naoto's shoulder as she realized that, as things stood, there was no place for her in his life. Not if she wanted him to heal and be whole, complete.
Try all she might, Naoto's pain was something that she couldn't just take away in a few days and nights. It would require years of agonizingly slow steps, requiring Nagatoro to love him from afar, interacting with him to a minimal degree, until he'd be ready, through therapy, a stable social net and other means, to finally be in her presence.
It wasn't fair to him, to keep him waiting for a chance at happiness for all this time.
Who's happiness?
Did he want to be with her?
Could he still bring himself to love her?
Nagatoro wished, with every fiber of her being, that the answer to both of those questions was a resounding yes.
But even if they were, even if he wanted to be with her, Hayase understood that the path they'd have to take to achieve this goal would be excruciating.
She'd be willing to wait her whole life for him, if that was what it would take.
But never, would she want him to suffer like that for her sake.
Nagatoro felt like her heart stopped for a moment, as her lungs failed to take in any air.
She was letting him go.
Fresh, soul rending tears shot into her eyes as her wailing finally drew some curious looks from bystanders.
Parts of her mind were trying to tear her down from within, screaming and yelling to revert that last decision she had made, to return to the original plan, of trying again and again, until their love was once again mutual and final.
But Nagatoro now finally knew that this was never going to end well.
Whether or not Naoto's heart wanted to be with her, his mind wasn't capable of it. And having him force the issue, trying to live side by side with her, in a desperate attempt to break past the walls of misery that were keeping them apart, would only lead them to another situation like this one.
But you want him more than anything else in your life!
That didn't matter anymore.
He's the only person you've ever loved!
And he always would be.
Do NOT do this! He BELONGS to us!
Nagatoro smiled as she finally managed to break free from the control of her demons.
She wanted him, more than he or anyone else would ever be able to comprehend.
Honestly, even she didn't fully understand all of her feelings for him.
Hayase simply knew that he was her Senpai, the greatest man in the world, and she would always love him for as long as she lived.
But in order for him to heal, to move on past the pain and hurt, to truly come into his own and become the man she always knew he could be, her role in his life would have to come to an end.
HE IS OURS!
Not anymore.
Nagatoro let go off him.
Maki Gamou was sitting in her car, driving at a reckless speed, dodging and weaving through traffic like she was racing.
And in some sense, she was. Time was her opponent, and she refused to lose to it.
Around half an hour ago, while Gamo was laying in her bed, desperately trying to ignore all the warning bells and sirens going off in her head, as she was thinking of the date her best friend had gone on with Naoto, Hayase had sent her a text message.
The contents of it had shaken Gamo to the core.
Maki, I need you. This was a mistake. I am so sorry. Naoto is in the hospital. He tried to jump in front of a train. I pulled him back, but I used too much force and tore something, so he's being checked out right now.
I can't keep hurting him. Please, I need you to be here. Help me.
Gamo, while fully aware something bad would most likely happen during their dinner, could have never expected it all to go this wrong.
Naoto tried to kill himself!?
The redhead genuinely had to suppress a gag reflex at the mere thought of it.
She saw his beautiful, dorky face, his sweet smile and adorably messy hair, and then was forced to imagine it, torn apart by the force of steel colliding with him at ludicrous speed.
Spurred on by the terrifying portrait painted in her mind, she put the pedal to the metal, in the most literal sense, and broke all sorts of traffic laws on her way to the hospital.
Not that she cared at this point. As long as no one got hurt, she'd be willing to pay any and all fines, just to make sure Naoto was alright.
Soon enough, considering the incredibly speed at which she was driving, Gamo arrived at the medical facility, parking at an attached visitors garage and rushed inside.
Without catching her breath she sprinted to the nearest reception desk.
"Hi, excuse me, I am here to see Naoto Hachiouji," she blurted out in one quick chaotic mess.
The women sitting behind the counter, working on the computer in front of her, didn't seem incredibly excited to assist Gamo.
"I see," she merely said, typing away at her keyboard. "And who are you?"
Gamo could feel heat rising to her head, completely impatient and unwilling to deal with this situation, but she knew she had to keep herself in check.
"I- I am his friend," she answered as soon as her blood pressure allowed her to.
The woman looked up from her screen, piercing Gamo with an incredibly uncaring stare.
"I see," she mumbled to herself, tapping a few more times. "Alright, he's currently in room 109. Down the hall, follow the red line until you get there."
Gamo nodded. "Thank you."
Without another glance at her, the lady simply returned her attention the monitor, and Gamo quickly took off.
It didn't take too long, and following the colored line made getting lost a complete non-issue.
Soon enough, Gamo emerged into a hallway with multiple doors lining either side. In the center of it, built like some sort of cube, was a nurse station, with a handful of women and two guys sitting in the center of it, chatting about benign things.
As she scanned the corridor for the correct room number, her eyes fell onto a ball shaped silhouette, placed on a chair, only a few feet away from a door labeled as 109.
The closer she got, the clearer it became to Gamo that the shape in front of her was in fact Nagatoro, having put her feet on the chair and up to her face.
"Hayacchi?"
The tanned woman flinched, then quickly shot to attention and turned to stare at Gamo.
Her face was an absolute mess.
Streaks of dried tears had stain essentially every inch of her face below her eyes. The subtle make up she had put on for the evening never stood a chance.
Her eyes themselves were so puffy and red, that Gamo wasn't even sure if she could properly see out of them.
There had been so much anger bubbling up in the redhead on her way here, so much blame she wanted to put on her friend for causing such pain and misery to Naoto, but seeing her like this made it all fade away.
"My god, Hayacchi…"
Gamo quickly closed the distance, dropped to her knees and pulled Nagatoro into an embrace. The shorter woman didn't even try to fight it, simply letting herself be comforted by her best friend. If there had been any tears left for her to shed, they would have been flooding her face at this very moment.
But the well had run dry.
Nagatoro sighed into Gamo's neck as she slowly pushed away, trying to get a good look at the redhead.
"I can't stay with him Maki," she suddenly said, a broken and defeated tone to her voice. "Everything I do hurts him. My existence tortures him."
A hollow smiled played on her lips as she quickly glanced at the door to his room.
"I want to see him so badly, to make sure he is alright. I want to let him know that I love him, more than I could ever describe, and that I always will. But I just can't. If I go in there now, I'd only hurt him again. I'd falter, I'd give up on my resolution and fall right back into the same cycle."
Hayase turned back to look at Gamo, her face showing indescribable pain, yet it also appeared strangely serene, as if Nagatoro had been enlightened and a heavy burden had been lifted from her.
"I need you to go in my stead," she said, clasping Gamo's hands in her own. "Tell him that I left after he was admitted. Tell him I couldn't stand my own failure and that I selfishly abandoned him."
Gamo stared back into her friends unbelievably broken eyes.
Had this woman in front of her, the same one willing to chase her Senpai through heaven and hell, just to spend another day by his side, really given up on him?
"What are you saying Hayacchi?" Gamo asked as she withdrew her hands. "Why would you want him to think that?"
Nagatoro let her gaze fall to the ground, her hands momentarily frozen in midair, before they too dropped between her legs.
"I am already the bad guy," the tanned woman responded, her voice barely more than a whisper. "It is my fault that Naoto had to go through any of this. If I play my part properly, he can forget about me and move on. He'll see that I wasn't willing to stick with him, through his rehabilitation, the way I said I would. Then he will know that I never truly changed and lose any and all love he may have had for me."
Gamo didn't want to believe what she was hearing. Why would Nagatoro even consider doing something like this?
"Plus," Nagatoro continued, taking a peek at Gamo from between her bangs. "Wouldn't this be useful to you?"
The redhead cocked her head in confusion and began studying Hayase for an ounce of sense left in her.
"I don't believe I follow," Gamo quickly responded, thrown off by her friend's behavior.
"Don't act dumb," Nagatoro replied sharply, seemingly still having some fight left in her broken spirit. "I know you Maki. You've been my best friend, my sister, for such a long time. Forget the way you looked at Taiga back in the day. The way you eye Naoto, your down right depressing attitude after the zoo, I am not blind. I know you love him."
Gamo flinched visibly upon the words she had been trying to fight being spoken out loud. Was it really that obvious to her? Or was this simply Nagatoro being protective of her Senpai, just like she used to be?
Maki quickly pushed that thought aside, thinking it rude to pretend that her friends words were mere misinterpretations. She knew, that Nagatoro was right.
Which made her feel just absolutely awful.
"I am sorry," she whimpered, the knowledge that she betrayed her best friend, crushing Gamo beneath its weight.
Nagatoro resumed staring at the floor, not wanting to meet Gamo's eyes any longer.
"It's alright," she eventually sighed. "As things stand, I can't be with him and he deserves happiness. I want him still, that goes without saying. I will fight you, tooth and nail, for his affection, once he is able to stand having me by his side again."
Nagatoro rose from her seat, causing Gamo take a hesitant step back.
"But for right now, I am just poison in his veins," Hayase admitted as she walked passed Gamo, without sparing her another look. "Please, make sure he is alright. I'll be waiting in the car."
Gamo couldn't even find it in herself to turn around to look at Nagatoro, and so she simply resolved to listen as the woman's steps slowly began fading in the distance.
Once she was alone, Gamo could hear her own heartbeat, resonating inside her ears.
How long had it been thumping like this?
The redhead couldn't help but realize how unbelievably excited she was to stand in this spot, so close to Naoto, without Nagatoro in her way.
More guilt drowned out all her joyous thoughts as she grasped, not only how much of a further betrayal these thoughts were, but also that these turn of events required Naoto to attempt taking his own life.
This was no moment to be happy.
Gamo swallowed hard as she approached the door to room 109.
It was open, as were mostly all of the doors in this hallway, and she could hear the sounds of medical equipment working properly within.
Taking a deep breath to try and calm her ever thinning nerves, Gamo finally stepped into the room.
It was incredibly bland looking. The most by the numbers hospital room one could imagine. The window was rather large, that was at least something.
On the bed, placed in the middle of the room, was Naoto, sitting upright, with his back against the pillow.
The man looked absolutely miserable, as if he hadn't slept in a hundred years.
Gamo wasn't sure whether he had noticed her and softly cleared her throat to get his attention.
Naoto didn't move his head, but Gamo could see his gaze darting toward her. Once their eyes met, his seemed to light up, just a little.
"Hi Paisen," Gamo greeted him weakly. How do you even address someone dear to you, who just an hour or so ago tried to kill themselves?
"Hey Gamo," he responded, his voice sounding sullen. "Nagatoro told you, huh?"
Gamo simply nodded as she approached the chair someone had put next to the bed.
"Yeah, she asked me to come here," the woman answered, never taking her eyes off of his.
Naoto swallowed as he nodded rhythmically, seemingly unwilling to continue the conversation past this point.
But Gamo wouldn't let him withdraw from her. "Why did you do it Naoto?"
Naoto sneered at her, something Gamo hadn't expected, as he turned to talk to her.
"Would you really like me to list the reasons for it?" he asked mockingly. "We'd be here all night."
Gamo shook her head, sorrow filling her eyes. "That's not what I meant Naoto. What was going through your head at that moment, that you chose to do it?"
Naoto seemed taken aback by her rephrasing of the question. Suddenly, he felt like a real ass. Which was quite ironic, thinking on it.
"About the same thing that's going through my mind right now," Naoto joked, which instantly put Gamo on edge, and he could tell. "Don't worry, there aren't any trains bound to come through here."
"That's not funny!" Gamo yelped, intense amount of anxiety threatening to drag her under.
Naoto shook his head. "Sorry. I just meant- I was yelling at Nagatoro. I was really horrible to her at that moment, for really no reason. She had just been trying her best, but it felt way too late. I was so mad that I couldn't have met this more mature and in control of herself woman, instead of the Nagatoro that messed everything up. So I lashed out at her. I was ruthless. Because she was nice to me. That was all. And I felt so worthless and ashamed. I hated myself more than anyone else in that instant. More than I ever hated her for what she did to me. I wanted this man I had become to die."
Gamo brows raised as the grief Naoto was feeling hit her like a gut punch. It took all of the mental fortitude that she had, not to start crying on the spot. But she managed.
But Naoto wasn't done.
"You know, I wasn't even sure anymore why I hated her so much. I had longed for her for so long, and then she finally did what I had dreamed of so many nights, only for me to turn around and call her a monster. Simply because I wasn't willing to make a move myself. Because I was scared of her pushing me away."
Gamo violently shook her head as she rejected Naoto's perspective.
"Why are you taking her side now?" she asked, absolutely baffled by this turn of events. "She forced herself onto you! That's not- I understand wanting to give her a chance to make amends, even wanting to forgive her, but now you're implying she did nothing wrong!?"
Naoto's expression was unreadable, almost like he wasn't really in the room with her.
"Maybe she didn't?" he softly replied, a vacant stare directed toward the window. "I can't say I didn't want something to happen with her. I just- I don't know I just didn't have the balls to talk to her about my feelings an-"
"Neither did she!" Gamo practically jumped from her chair as fury gripped tightly onto her chest. "She forced herself onto you because she was a stupid brat, unable to simply tell you how she felt! We all knew you liked her and she just used that fact against you."
Naoto sighed quietly, turning from the window to look into Gamo's eyes.
"Maybe that's all I deserve," he said, his words holding no emotions to them. "Nagatoro is the only person stupid enough to want someone like me. I am nothing. No one special. I couldn't even confess to a girl that was already crazy enough about me to violate my body. That's the sort of loser I am. So if Nagatoro is still willing to have me, then who am I-"
"Shut your mouth!"
Gamo wanted to punch him so badly. Bitter, scolding-hot tears were streaking across her face. Sorrow and anger both mixed in her heart, tempting her to blow up in his face.
"You're damn right that Nagatoro is a stupid idiot. She ruined a relationship that she already had in the bag, with a guy who was willing to put up with all her stupid garbage. She is a real bitch and a piece of shit for what she did to you. But she also has the capacity to be a wonderful person, if only she let herself be free more often. And I was really, really fucking scared that she would be able to keep the situation under control and get you to love her again before we left."
Naoto raised one of his eyebrows, yet his gaze remained vacant and unfocused.
"Why would that scare you?" he asked, not a hint of curiosity to his voice. "That seems like something you'd want for your best friend."
Gamo actually had to chuckle at that. "It does seem like that, doesn't it?"
"Well, unfortunately for you both, I am also a massive idiot. I watched you both fall in love with each other, constantly trying to push the ship along, so you could have a happy ending. I never even noticed, that I too, wanted to be on deck and have my own chance at happiness."
Naoto's lips screwed up as he tried to comprehend her words. "Sorry, what about a ship?"
"Zip it," Gamo commanded, refusing to let him interrupt her unplanned and possibly catastrophically awful confession. "I spent two years by your side, pushing your buttons, trying to see if you'd be a good match for Hayase, and if so, how I could possible steer you down the right path to end up with her. But the more I gauged how you'd fare, the more I looked into who you were as a person, the way you acted, the way you talked, the way you smiled, the way you sat on your stupid chair and painted on your canvas, the more I started to flounder. I realized, that I was no longer doing this just for Hayase's sake. I was doing it because I loved spending time with you. I adored every stupid moment I could have with you, and always ended up hating my own guts for letting Hayacchi scare me off when she did."
Gamo let out a bitter laugh, recalling their school years.
"Remember when you two went on your date to the aquarium?" Gamo asked, one hell of a somber smile on her lips. "I told Yoshi we'd have to go after you two, because it looked like Hayase was going to go all in and we'd have to 'protect' your virginity. It was hilariously stupid. And of course, a fucking lie."
Gamo shook her head, as if in disbelief at herself, then returned to meet Naoto's gaze.
"I was jealous. I didn't want you two to go on that stupid date. I wanted it to be me there, instead of her. 'course, I didn't realize it until later. That's just how stupid I am, how much I had lied to myself, just because I wanted to be a good friend to Hayase. When I saw you two, standing there at the beach, looking like the cutest pair, like you two belonged together, I felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to rush down there and sink the whole damn ship. But Yoshi, fucking Yosh, of all people, stopped me. Told me she didn't want to interrupt you guys. I was so mad. I wanted to deck her. But I realized how selfish I had been. How you two were already in love with each other, and how I just wasn't meant to be the lucky one."
The redhead let out another, much weaker laugh, as Naoto stared at her incredulously.
"I put myself on the back burner, because I knew it wasn't my time, nor my place, to butt into your guys' relationship. I love Hayase. I will always be by her side and look out for her. She is my little sister and anyone who says otherwise will get their skull bashed in. I wasn't ever going to hurt her by making a move on the boy she loved."
The woman gnashed her teeth together, as the anger returned in full force.
"So don't you dare tell me that what she did was in any way acceptable or your fault! All she had to do was talk to you and let you know how she felt and everything would have been fine. But she didn't, she was too much of a chickenshit, and instead of getting over herself, allowing herself to be weak for once in her god damn life and telling you that she loved you, she raped the boy she and I loved! I will never forgive her for that! I was willing to give up all of my potential happiness, any and all chances I could have had myself, so that she could end up living a wonderful life with you, and she fucking hurt you so badly that I can't even look at her the same way again."
Gamo shrunk into herself, as the fury gave way to bitter sadness.
"Don't you dare apologize for her behavior," she whispered. "You can give her another chance, you can forgive her for what she did, you can do any of that and more, but you can never try to make it seem as if she didn't fuck up. Please, don't do that. I couldn't accept that."
Naoto continued to stare, his mind slowly returning to a state where he could begin unpacking all that the redhead had said to him. It felt like she had dropped a bomb on him out of absolutely nowhere, and he wasn't sure how to respond.
"Gamo, I-"
"Stop," Gamo instantly cut him off. "I don't want to hear anything from you right now. You are not in the right mindset. You're not okay, no matter what you say. I am not hearing you out, whether or not it'd make me happy to hear what you'd say. It's not right. Not right now."
She shut her eyes and let out a deep breath, which she wasn't even aware she had been holding in.
"Regardless of what Hayase or I wish we could have from you, it can't happen right now," she surmised. "You will need a lot of time to recover from this. And I wish I could be there with you, every step of the way. But despite everything, I love both, you and Hayacchi, and it wouldn't be fair to anyone if I just stuck around you like this. It's disgusting, isn't it? She's a fucking gremlin and a half sometimes, but I can't hate her. We've been through too much shit together. I am sorry for that Naoto. I should be able to for your sake, but I just can't."
Naoto simply nodded, not willing to interrupt her, nor finding even a single part of him wishing for Gamo to separate from Nagatoro. The two should always remain a team. It just seemed right.
"I am not going to ask you for anything silly, like 'yo, wait for me'. Because, I mean, I know it's her you love, not me. But even if you did… l-love me, I wouldn't want you to do that to yourself. I am always going to be part of what scarred you in the past. I'll always be a reminder of the horrible things you had to go through. I didn't do anything to stop it, when I most assuredly could have. I am honestly not much better than Hayacchi. And you deserve so much better."
Naoto pursed his lips, trying to foresee where Gamo was going with this, but he just needed to hear it from her lips.
"So what are you saying?" he asked, watching as Gamo's face refused to reveal the slightest hint of her intentions. "That this is goodbye?"
"Yeah," she instantly replied, a soft, broken smile on her face. "It is. We'll be going home tomorrow and we won't reach out to you. We'll leave you be, so you can recover, heal and mend."
Naoto's brows furrowed, absolute astonishment and concern in his face.
"Gamo!" he cried out. "You can't just confess to me like this, out of nowhere, then turn around and tell me you're leaving!"
"I think I can," Gamo laughed, a wistful grin showing. "Don't worry, I'll be keeping up with your music, so you better make it really big Paisen. I want to be able to tell everyone that I know the guy who made all these killer albums."
Naoto felt a sudden shiver of fear and panic run down his spine.
Was he going to lose his friends again?
Was it really better for them to leave his life, than attempt to repair what they once had?
"G-Gamo, what if I lo-"
"DON'T!"
Gamo slammed her hand on the small table next to the bed, shaking the lamp placed on it.
"I told you, I don't want to hear anything from you right now!" she reminded him furiously. "You are not in the right head space. You are sad, confused, you are worried you'll end up alone, but that's not true. You already have people that love you. That dude? Tadano? Absolutely amazing guy. He feels the same way toward you that I do with Hayacchi, I know it. I am sure he'd kill a guy with his bare hands for you."
She let herself fall back into the chair, staring up at the ceiling as she continued.
"You are a fantastic guy Naoto. You lack some self confidence, sure, but even that's starting to seem less of an issue now, with how open, honest and downright vicious you can be. If you turn that anger you got boiling over inside ya, into something positive and use it to be a more outgoing person, I am sure people will come flocking to you. You already have a crap ton of fans as your stage persona. There's not a doubt in my mind that you will find someone for you. And it doesn't have to be Hayase, or even me. We both suck. Pay attention. Find someone better, someone who really deserves you."
There was a gut wrenching silence between the two of them, as Naoto's mind was racing to try and find words that could change Gamo's mind and keep her by his side for just a little longer.
But parts of him already knew, that she was completely right.
Anything he'd tell her now would be inadvertently tainted by the emptiness he felt deep inside his heart, which he was desperately trying to fill, like a ravenous void.
And as the seconds of silence turned to minutes, Gamo knew that Naoto finally understood.
This was what was best for him. He needed distance. He needed time.
If he ever had or ever would love the lion within her, this moment was not the one to find out.
"Close your eyes," Gamo suddenly instructed with a stern voice.
It took Naoto entirely off guard. "W-What?"
"Just fucking do it."
Not wanting to irritate an already emotional Gamo, Naoto did as he was told and quickly shut his eyes as tightly as possible.
After a few seconds, in which Gamo may have waited to see whether or not he'd keep them closed, Naoto could hear the bed creak. There was an unmistakable feeling of extra weight added to the side of the mattress, making Naoto slightly sink into it.
Before the young man had a chance to voice his confusion, he unexpectedly felt something soft brush against his lips, hesitantly and timid, as if wary of his rejection. When it didn't come, the soft sensation returned, this time more demanding and needy, pushing against his lips in full force.
It tasted sweet for a brief moment, before being blended with the saltiness of a stray tear that had come out of nowhere. Even so, it did nothing to lessen Naoto's desire to sample the full flavor of the warmth, which seemed to eagerly be requesting entrance to his mouth.
But before he could part his lips to give consent, the soft feeling withdrew as quickly as it had come.
The extra weight on the bed swiftly dissipated and Naoto could hear sounds of of fabric rustling, followed by the quick shuffling of feet.
By the time Naoto had gained the courage to open his eyes again, he was alone.
Gamo and her belongings had vanished.
The next evening, Naoto sat on his bed, staring forlorn at the pitch black screen of his phone. His arm was in a sling, which he was to wear for some time to allow the muscles to heal.
The long weekend had finally come to an end and by tomorrow morning, he and the others would have to go back to their mundane life of studying, in between preparations for their next gig.
Considering this, that meant the girls had long since departed Tokyo to return to their own lives, their own worlds, which Naoto was no longer a part of.
It was definitely better this way. 'Time can heal, but this won't.', as the song went.
Still, he couldn't keep the sadness swelling up within him in check. It felt like some strange, toxic addiction, where he was forced to let go for his own well being, but his heart was struggling against it violently.
Despite every painful and heart rending moment that he had been put through in the last few days of being back in their presence, Naoto didn't want to let them go. It made him feel so sick in his head, like his mind was lacking any kind of self preservation.
Perhaps that wasn't actually too far of from the truth, considering the events the day prior.
Luckily for him, it was no longer a decision he was forced to make. Nagatoro and Gamo had finally come to the conclusion on their own, that no matter how well their intentions were, Naoto was simply too far damaged at this point in time for either of them to be in his life, without putting all of their mental health in peril.
Or at least, that was how he saw it.
It was his fault, after all, having lost his mind and viciously torn into Nagatoro for no really good reason. Not even mentioning his lapse in judgment, when he thought his body could be mightier than the train.
Naoto felt so ashamed, absolutely laughable. There had been two women, both capable of cruel and ugly behavior, yet holding a truly gentle and emotionally vulnerable side to themselves, that had sought out his affection and favor.
Two people that, in his mind, despite all they had said and done, were still the brightest lights shining in the bitter and cold darkness that was his isolated and scarred heart.
They were truly amazing.
And now he had pushed them both away.
They were gone.
Naoto breathed a gentle, dejected sigh and dropped his phone onto the blanket. He quickly stood from his bed and walked to the door, opening it just an inch to check whether his room mates were occupying the living room.
After noticing that the place was clear, Naoto quietly moved out into the larger room, past the couch and stood by the window.
The view wasn't the greatest, definitely nothing to write home about, but it still allowed him to see multiple different facets of Tokyo's night life. The colors and sounds he was able to pick up on, even through the closed window, were something special to him.
Wanting to take the city at night in, just a little more, he lifted the window up, letting the chilly air into the room. Almost immediately, the sounds of distant chatter, cars doing their best to grip onto the asphalt despite the heavy rain and all types of strange oddities, reached his hears.
Naoto couldn't help but smile at it, having never really given much thought to how amazing Tokyo must seem to those that had never lived in a bigger city, or unlike him, were simply not mentally dulled enough to ever get bored of it.
He deeply breathed in the city air, which was definitely not the most natural, yet had a sort of charm to it that you wouldn't be able to smell anywhere else.
Pretty sure there was also vomit in there somewhere. Nice.
As Naoto continued to watch the indescribable amount of lights on the horizon and in the sky going in and out at nauseam, he heard the apartment door open behind him.
The man quickly turned to look over his shoulder and spotted Tadano and Komi entering, their clothes and hair drenched from the rain.
Feeling some joy over seeing the faces of his friends, despite his anxious desire to be alone, he found himself smiling. He continued to watch, since they hadn't noticed him yet, as they took of their jackets and shoes, quickly putting them in their respective holding places.
It was just as Komi slid into her slippers, that her gaze happened to fall onto Naoto.
The woman quickly let out a huff, moving her arms to indicate for Tadano to look at their friend. After her boyfriend caught on, spotting their vocalist at the other end of the room, both of them began smiling back at him.
"Glad to see you're out and about," Tadano quipped as he stepped onto the wooden living room floor. "I was worried we wouldn't get to see you before uni started back up."
Naoto shook his head, a weak grin on his face. "I know you'd miss me too much, so here I am."
To his surprise, Tadano didn't falter at his slight tease, but rather embraced it by saying, "I for sure would have Naoto."
Naoto averted his eyes bashfully, staring back out the window, as to not let the two of them see how much Tadano's stupid response had brightened up his face.
There was a depressing sensation, nipping at the back of Naoto's mind, when he thought of how his friends were trying to act as if he hadn't attempted suicide just yesterday, simply for his sake. They probably thought it would be too much for him to handle, thinking on it and potentially discussing plans on how to move past it at this time, and maybe they were right.
But he didn't want them to pretend. He didn't want them to lie to themselves, or to him for that matter.
"H-Hey," Naoto weakly began, too nervous to actually turn to face them again. "You guys… I just want you to know that you don't need to- I mean, what I did yesterday was stupid and I don't… I don't want you to feel like you gotta walk on egg shells around me, you know? You are fully in the right to get mad at me. Yell at me. Punch me if you gotta. Just don't act like I didn't hurt you all, okay? I am so, so sorry about every-"
His speech was suddenly interrupted by the sounds of light footsteps approaching him at a high speed. Before he had the chance to turn to see what was happening, he could feel something bumping into his torso and two slender arms wrapping around him, pulling Naoto into a warm embrace.
Naoto finally turned, seeing Tadano still approaching him from the foyer, which left only one conclusion.
Sure enough, he lowered his gaze to find Komi hugging him for the first time since they had known each other. Naoto could tell by the way her hot face was just about ready to burn through his shirt, that this show of affection toward her friend was something she wasn't all too comfortable with.
But she had done it regardless of that, and it meant a lot.
Tadano, now standing next to Naoto, put one arm around his friends shoulders and squeezed them gently.
"We're not mad at you Naoto," he explained to him, his eyes red enough to imply that he was struggling with his emotions. "I was definitely worried that something like that would be a possibility after having learned of what happened to you and maybe I should have fought harder to stop you from spending time with them, but at the end of the day, you are your own man, making your own decisions. All I can do, and will always be willing to do, is have your back and support you when and if you need someone to lean onto."
Naoto could feel Komi push gingerly away from him, looking up at him with her still incredibly flush face.
"Hito and I feel the same. You're a precious friend to us, and we will always do our best to support you."
Naoto pursed his lips, struggling to fight a wave of tears trying to worm its way into his eyes. The love from his friends was definitely too overwhelming in his current state, but he still felt so incredibly happy and lucky to have them.
"T-Thank y-you guys so much…" he stammered, hiding his eyes behind the sleeve of his shirt. "I'll continue to- to do my best. I will d-definitely make you guys proud."
Tadano let out a quiet laugh, his own face stained with a handful of tears. "You already do, man."
As if they were trying to push him to his breaking point, Tadano and Komi both moved closer and embraced him in unison.
Unable to hold the anguish in any longer, Naoto gave into his tears and began sobbing.
The pressure that had built over the last few days, nay, the last couple of years of his life, maybe even all of it, was being lessened, softly swept away by the unconditional love radiating from those surrounding him.
Memories of this weekend replayed in Naoto's mind, every single smile and laughter he had shared with both Nagatoro and Gamo. Every single tear, every moment of uncertainty, the countless questionable and truly unhealthy situations they had found themselves in, yet none of these filled him with dread or fear any longer.
Naoto saw their faces, the tanned skin and the head of glowing orange, studying him with concerned, yet loving expressions, before breaking into bright and gentle smiles that warmed his heart.
He would most likely never be able to spend any amount of time around them, without some sort of terrible emotional scar tearing at his mind, causing untold damage.
But just for this one brief, blissful moment, he could close his eyes and truly love them both from the bottom of his heart.
Maki and Hayase, the Lion and the Tiger.
They might never be his to love, or he theirs, but they would always remain special to him, for as long as he lived.
Naoto couldn't help himself but let out a genuine and bright laugh, clashing with the tears contorting his face.
Tadano and Komi both looked at him with candid curiosity in their eyes.
"What's so funny?" Tadano asked as he began laughing himself, spurred on by his friends sudden display of joy.
Naoto shook his head and wiped fresh tears out of his eyes.
"I just think, I might be going mad."
"Why is that?" Tadano wanted to know, his eyebrows raised as their laughter mixed with the sounds of the cities nightlife.
A wonderful, truly freeing smile played on Naoto's lips as he turned to look back out of the window, taking in the skyline once again.
"Because, I miss them already."