Naoto was lying on the bed in his room, staring up at the barren ceiling, without taking in any of it. Today marked the occasion where he finally had to let go of his mother, of his family, of the only person that was irreversible linked to him, providing him any sort of comfort and stability.
His father hadn't been around for as long as he recalled. Naoto had sent him a message about his ex-wives passing, which he considered proper etiquette, but hadn't gotten any correspondence in return. If he couldn't be bothered to be around for his son, as he was dealing with the grief and the preparations for such a sorrowful occasion, then what good was he anyway?
Naoto pulled out his phone and went into his image gallery. The young man scrolled for quite some time, looking for pictures of himself and his mother. There were only a handful, sadly. Ever since he had left for Tokyo, in quite a hurry at that, he hadn't felt the desire to return to the quaint town that had caused him such pain.
That being said, any picture of the two of them together, showed his mother beaming proudly at all her son had grown up to accomplish and become. Naoto's lips curled up into a smile as he recalled the one time, she had managed to take off her busy work schedule to see him live at a concert. That evening, Naoto was sure, she was the one cheering the loudest in the crowd.
What was he doing? Why were there three women, all varying degrees of insane, in his mother's living room right now? What did he hope to accomplish by letting them stay here with him? Would his mother approve? Would she call him out on the way he was clearly causing frictions amongst them, giving both Nagatoro and Gamo hope, only to then retain them at arm's length regardless? Or would she understand that Naoto was simply heart broken at this moment, feeling alone and lost, needing someone or something to anchor him in place?
Naoto shut his eyes and tried to steady his breathing. When it had become uneven was a mystery to him, but it irrationally irritated him that he wasn't in full control of his emotions at this very moment. With a growing fire of frustration in his gut, Naoto kept scrolling through his gallery, trying to distract himself of the emotions he was experiencing, by any means necessary.
Eventually, he once again landed on the picture Gamo had sent him that one night in Tokyo. His eyes narrowed and brow furrowed as he took a closer look at it. More anger. More frustration. Why was she the only one to have ever sent him an image he could hold in his memory for eternity? Why did people just leave him without providing him with a piece of themselves he could hold onto? People's faces felt so hard to hold onto at this time. He didn't want to lose these memories.
Despite being fully aware of how unreasonable Naoto was being right now, he didn't have the energy or willpower to defy his aching heart and mind. As if driven by some deep seated need, and without really considering the delicate phrasing required for such a request, Naoto navigated to Nagatoro's contact and texted her:
Send me a picture of you.
Needless to say, Nagatoro's heart began beating in her chest like a jackhammer upon receiving the message.
What in the world!?
Naoto was never this straightforward with anything, let alone such an embarrassing request. Part of her was excited, giddy like she was back in the art club room, ready to absolutely melt his mind with whatever she was going to send back in reply. Then she took the deep breaths necessary to calm her mind and she realized just how much Naoto was probably suffering right now. This wasn't a strange, out of nowhere, lewd request. Even if she would have loved that as well.
No, Naoto needed to feel connected to the people in his life. He felt all alone and isolated, figuratively, as well as literally, lying by himself upstairs, away from the rest of them. Naoto needed to know how much he was loved and cared for.
Hayase stood from the spot on the couch she had been sitting on, idly messing with her phone, while Gamo had been watching a documentary on the TV. The redhead tossed her a quick glance, before returning her attention to the screen in front of her.
The tanned woman walked past the TV, and the resting form of Hana, lying on the floor, and made her way into the bathroom. Nagatoro locked the door behind her, just in case, and examined herself in the mirror. What she saw wasn't quite to her liking, but knowing Naoto, her artistically inclined love, he'd prefer her naturally like this regardless.
Hayase sighed, her eyebrows raised into an expression, disbelieving of what she was doing and snapped a picture of herself in the mirror. Looking back at it, seeing herself with little to no makeup, a basic t-shirt and some sweat pants, she didn't feel confident enough to call herself all that pretty, but she hoped that Naoto would still appreciate it nonetheless.
With an alien sense of hesitation, she sent the picture and bit her bottom lip. It had never occurred to her, just how vulnerable it would feel to show herself so unprepared, without any of the layers of personality she had crafted around herself. Once more, she looked down upon her rather plain clothing and all at once thought she would have rather just sent a picture of her naked.
To her surprise, Naoto's response came swiftly and caused butterflies to erupt inside of her.
You're beautiful. Thank you.
This fucking guy.
Nagatoro let out another sigh, this time for a wholly different reason, and stepped back out of the bathroom. As she was halfway back to her position on the couch, she found herself suddenly stopping. She glanced over her shoulder, at the purple haired woman laying motionless on the floor, then back toward Gamo, who was eyeing her in turn. An idea quickly formed in her mind.
Naoto stared at the picture Nagatoro had sent him. There was something in her eyes, something tender, something scared and vulnerable. It was unlike the time times when she had let herself be unguarded in an attempt to win over his heart. At those moments, she wanted something from him and it still felt like she had held most of the power. Here, her actions were completely based on Naoto's own selfish desires and needs for closeness, and she simply obliged.
Naoto was shocked to feel a tear roll down the side of his cheek as he smiled at the image on his phone. So much that they could have had together, squandered by one cruel action. A whole lifetime of companionship and passionate love, tossed aside due to the inability to communicate.
Naoto tossed his blanket over his head and tried to drown out the world around him. Nothing really mattered in this instance. If the darkness beneath his covers would swallow him whole, not much would change in the world. A handful of people might feel sad for a short while, but they'd recover.
They'd push on.
Suddenly, his phone vibrated again. Naoto inhaled deeply before glancing at the screen and opening the text message he had received. His eyes widened in surprise at what he saw.
Nagatoro had one of her arms wrapped around a clearly irritated Hana, with the other holding the phone a little above their heads. Behind them, Gamo was leaning in, placing both of her arms around the other two women. Each of them had varying degrees of tense smiles on their lips. To say the three of them made an odd and uneasy looking combination, would have been an understatement. Yet, the fact that this image even existed, that Naoto was even looking at it right now, showed that they would put their differences aside, if it meant bringing any sort of happiness and comfort to Naoto.
Tears flowed freely now as Naoto pressed his phone against his chest and began quietly laughing to himself. Through his blurred vision, he managed to reply:
Love you guys. You're all silly.
The next morning, Naoto quickly descended the stairs from his bedroom. Uncertain of the sleep patterns of his guests, he was surprised to see that of everyone, it was only Gamo that was still sleeping, laying comfortably on the couch. Hayase and Hana seemed to have left, perhaps to grab a bite to eat for breakfast. He needed to let them know that they were more than welcome to use the kitchen and whatever was available therein.
Quickly and quietly, he snuck into the kitchen himself and began cooking a rather plain meal. Ham and eggs came together quite well. After plating them, he also decided to throw a slice of bread in for good measure. Satisfied with his work, he grabbed the plates and walked back into the living room. Apparently woken by the sounds and smells coming from the other room, he found Gamo sitting upright, sleepily rubbing her eyes.
"Paisen?" she called out mid yawn.
Naoto chuckled and walked up to her with an adoring smile. "Here you go."
Taken completely off guard, Gamo grabbed the plate shoved into her face and examined it quizzically.
"You didn't have to do that," she said flatly.
"I know," Naoto replied as he sat down on the couch next to her and turned on the TV. "But I wanted to."
Gamo stole a quick peek at him before breaking into a big smile. Without further ado, she began digging into the breakfast. The two ended up watching news and mindless TV as they ate. The food was delicious, despite, or maybe because of its simplicity.
After Gamo felt that her hunger was sufficiently satisfied, she placed the plate on the desk next to the couch on her side. She stole another quick glance at Naoto.
The guy was adorable. His fluffy hair was even fluffier this morning, as he evidently hadn't considered fixing his bedhead at all. The little smirk on his face, as he was watching some stupid cartoon that had replaced the last news segment, melted Gamo's heart.
The redhead closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The next moment, she scooted closer to Naoto and, without giving her brain the time talk her out of it, leaned her head against his shoulder. Gamo's heartbeat quickened as she let the strange joy in her heart swell. With her eyes still closed, she had no way of gauging what Naoto's reaction was, but at least, he hadn't tried to pull away or discourage her advances yet.
The next moment, she could feel Naoto's head, resting against her own. Gamo's eyes shot open in surprise. A deep, red hue spread across her face as she realized just how tender and intimate this situation had truly become. She tried to lift her gaze to get a look at Naoto's expression, but due to their positioning, this was simply impossible. Gamo's hands, which were resting on her upper thighs, slowly balled into anxious fists as she just wanted to fling herself at the man beside her.
"I missed you," Gamo suddenly found herself saying, as if from the lips of another. She shut her eyes again, more than a little embarrassed at her directness. The amazon was reminded of her crush on Hayacchi's older brother, which had long since fizzled out, and then was fully stomped out after realizing her feelings for Naoto. It had never felt like this. This sense of longing, of a desire to be fully enveloped in another person's existence. It was wholly unique to what she had with Naoto and the idea that he would dare to split it between herself and Hayase made her furious.
All at once enraged by these thoughts and feelings, Gamo lifted her head off of Naoto's shoulder again and turned to look at him. The man who had captured her heart turned as well, gazing apprehensively into her eyes.
"What's wrong Gamo?" he asked, with a voice that spoke of uncertainty and a sense of sorrow at the sudden parting.
"I am not doing this," Gamo quickly and decisively spoke. "I get it. I get that you don't know what else there is. I get that you don't understand what a healthy relationship might be. Hell, I don't even know! But I can't do this. I can't fall so hard for you, only for you to turn around and give Hayase the same sort of treatment."
Gamo bit her bottom lip and practically jumped off the couch, pacing back and forth in front of Naoto.
"I don't mind if you choose her over me. No, scratch that. I do. I really fucking do. I-"
The redhead turned to Naoto and her eyes were full of conflicting emotions. She looked like she was about to break down into tears, while her scowl and furrowed brows displayed a ferocity that Naoto had never seen before.
"I love you," she hissed between clenched teeth. "More than I ever have loved- Period, I believe. I will be here for you, in any way shape or form that I can be. At all times. Whenever you need me. But I can't be this close to you. I can't."
She spun on her heel, turning her back to him and ran her hand through her wild mane. "So, stop. Stop looking at me like that. Stop making me feel loved and valued and like I am pretty. Just stop."
Gamo's body began shaking slightly as she was struggling to keep her feelings under control. No one else ever managed to get quite under her skin like Naoto did. And most of it was self inflicted, due to her mind going into overdrive when she considered him.
Naoto watched her with a guilt ridden frown. He never intended for Gamo to feel this way.
"I am sorry Gamo," he exclaimed softly. "But to me, you are all those things and more."
Gamo clutched onto the sides of her pants as she turned to face Naoto her again, her face new stained with tears. "I will not share you with anyone, Naoto. If you can't make the choice, than I will leave you in Hayase's hands."
The two of them simply stared at one another for some time. Gamo's honesty was something Naoto actually appreciated, as he felt like they had both been too accommodating to him previously. That being said, it also tore him apart, knowing that one of the two women that he loved violently rejected any possible notion of a happy ending for everyone involved.
Someone would have to suffer for others to know love and joy. The idea of having to choose one person and leaving the other behind in the dust, with a broken heart, seemed impossible. It was cruel and unkind and not something that Naoto ever wished on anyone.
Just the idea of Gamo or Nagatoro crying over that sort of decision, made by him, caused a vile sensation in his gut. He wanted to scream and deny this sort of reality's existence.
Naoto rose from his seat and quietly tried to shuffle his way through the living room toward the stairs. But right as he reached the edge of the room, Gamo grabbed his wrist, keeping him locked in place.
"I don't want you to wallow up there by yourself," Gamo said sternly, as she gently pulled him back toward herself. Suddenly, with an unfamiliar urgency rising within her, the redhead leaned forward, her lips hovering just an inch from Naoto's ear, as she whispered: "I just want you to be mine."
Naoto's breath hitched as he could feel Gamo's hot breath against his skin. The words, conveyed with such desire in her voice, sent shivers down his spine. As if the situation wasn't already charged enough, Gamo, involuntarily or not, Naoto couldn't tell, let out a soft sigh directly into his ear, causing him to feel all sorts of sensation shooting through him.
"G-Gamo-" Naoto managed to stutter, before a quiet shush from her lips froze him in place.
"Call me Maki." she instructed, right before placing a gentle kiss on his earlobe. "I'd much prefer that, Nao-kun."
Gamo had a hard time suppressing the absolute volcano of shame and embarrassment threatening to bubble over, just beneath the surface. This felt so strange and alien to herself. Despite her otherwise strong and independent persona, Naoto caused her to become shy and overwhelmed by her own emotions. Yet, no matter what she might have been feeling at this moment, she could tell, it was nothing compared to how flustered she had managed to make Naoto. The only other woman that had ever teased him in such a manner had been Hayacchi, and that had always been in a rather crass and toxic way. In comparison, Gamo's loving and tender means to sway his body and mind, instantly had him melting like butter under her gaze.
Gamo lifted her hand up to Naoto's cheek and gentle rested it on his soft skin.
"I don't know what I am doing," she admitted, with a shy grin playing on her lips, as she finally moved away from his ear and looked into his eyes, their lips only inches apart from one another. "So, tell me if I do something wrong."
What the hell was she doing!?
Gamo's brain was short circuiting. Not a moment after having explained to Naoto that she'd have to keep distance between them in order to stop herself from being hurt, she was practically throwing herself at him.
Love was so stupid.
Fully lost in her own stupor, she continued to caress Naoto's cheek and a slightly mischievous part of her high school years resurfaced, as she saw the flushed face in front of her. Gamo placed her thumb on Naoto's lips and gently brushed over them, something that elicited another shiver from the young man.
"Nao-kun," she whispered sensually, her eyes locked onto his lips. "Do you want to kiss me?"
Their hearts were racing in unison. Naoto felt like he was about to fall apart at the seams, all air refusing to properly fill his lungs. A strange pulsating sensation kept hitting the back of his mind, as if to egg him on to give into what his heart desired, even if he felt like it would betray Nagatoro.
With each passing second, Gamo's breath felt hotter and more intense against his own lips. The woman's eyes were filled with undeniable lust and desire, something she wanted to kick herself for. This wasn't the right time for this.
Naoto was confused. Naoto was in pain. Naoto needed her to be there for him in a healthy and comforting manner.
Screw it.
Gamo leaned in and captured his lips with her own. Sparks instantly flew between them, as Gamo's usual, more dominant personality shone back through and she grabbed Naoto by the neck to pull him closer. Deciding that it was time to make up for the experience she denied herself years ago in the hospital, Gamo invited herself further, eagerly letting her tongue explore Naoto's mouth. When the man in her grasp let out a soft sigh, she knew she was doing it right.
Eventually, after what felt like minutes, Gamo pulled away from him, giving him the chance to breathe. His face was perfection. A shade of crimson covering his entire skin, half lidded eyes that betrayed his need for more and a strand of saliva, most likely Gamo's, hanging from his lip, which the redhead wiped away with a chuckle.
"You should see your face right now Paisen," Gamo howled with a smirk. "You're so adorable when I got my hooks in you."
Seeing Naoto like this gave Gamo a strange sensation of power. It made her feel so good, to know that the man she adored was in pieces due to her actions. She wanted to do more, to push him further to the brink, until Hayase no longer had a place beside her in his mind.
With one step, she pushed herself fully against Naoto, her arms tightly wrapped around him, her curves gently pressing against his body. The grin on her face became wider, and it felt like they had never left high school.
"Hayacchi always has you to herself," Gamo cooed with a playful tinge of sadness to her voice. "That's no fair. I also want a piece of that."
"G-Gam-"
"What did I say?" she cut him off, before instantly silencing any further words with another kiss. "Say it. Say my name Naoto."
Naoto looked up into Gamo's eyes, the fiery orange in them burning brighter than ever before. She was in complete control, and unlike that one, horrible time with Nagatoro, Naoto felt completely safe and comfortable at this moment. His own eyes reflected this sincere willingness with which he gave himself over to the redhead amazon, as his lips parted slightly, allowing him to stammer out:
"M-Maki.."
That did it.
Gamo jumped onto him, wrapping her legs around him as well, pushing them both into the wall behind them. Her hands found their way into his hair, which she lovingly tussled and played with, as her lips ravenously devoured his. Whatever hesitation had held Gamo back prior to this, had now completely vanished.
With reckless abandon, she ran her hand under Naoto's shirt and felt his bare skin, as she deepened the kiss. A guttural and hungry sound, more growl than moan, escaped her lips as she freely explored the man of her dreams. Despite how amazing and unbelievable this was feeling, she knew it could be even better, if only the man she was pinning against the wall would feel invited to participate.
"Touch me," Gamo simply said, as she grabbed one of Naoto's hands and placed them on her waist. "I don't care where."
A dangerous glint sparked in her eyes as she looked down onto Naoto, who was clearly overwhelmed by the amazon's sudden fiery passion. With a sigh she leaned her forehead against his, as Naoto's hand slowly but steadily worked his way over her waist, to her back and up her shoulders.
Gamo couldn't help but suppress a sultry giggle at his action. "Boy. I give you permission to do whatever you want, and you go for my back?"
With a sudden flash of brilliance, Gamo's smirk widened in a grin reaching from ear to ear, as she gave Naoto another quick kiss and said: "Don't you want to feel the real bean buns?"
Naoto's eyes widened for a second as the message hit him like a truck. Somewhere along the way, they had fully lost control of the ride, and now they were careening toward new and uncharted territory. Dangerous territory.
"M-Maki, maybe we shou-"
But Gamo quickly kissed him again, stealing his breath and thoughts away.
"Don't you dare tell me to quit now," she chided as she pulled away, her grin still on full display. "I can tell you're enjoying this. This is real. I love you. I god damn adore you. I want you to know what that's like. I want you to feel it when a person properly loves you, unlike whatever she did to you."
Fury rose back up inside of her at that thought. Once again, Hayacchi was the absolutely worst creature on this planet in her eyes. She would not let her have him.
Gamo pulled somewhat roughly on Naoto's hair, forcing him to lean back and look her directly in the eyes.
"I will make you mine, Naoto," Gamo vowed, her eyes filled with a burning fire of determination.
Gamo knew this was enough. She needed to reel herself in, reclaim some sort of calm and dignity. This had gone on long and far enough. The woman had made her point, and was willing to do anything to claim Naoto as her own.
With one last kiss, Gamo lowered herself back onto the ground and removed her hands from Naoto's body.
As Naoto was about to do the same, and move his hands out from beneath her shirt, a small smirk returned to Gamo's face and she grabbed his hand and gently moved it up to her chest. The moment Naoto's fingers brushed against her bare flesh, letting him know that she wasn't wearing a bra at this moment, Gamo could feel his entire body flinching, as if hit by a surge of electricity.
"Don't be shy Paisen," Gamo encouraged him, her usually, calmer demeanor shining back through. A huge blush on her face also indicated that her apprehension and embarrassment had in fact somewhat returned to her. "I want you to feel this."
Naoto's pressed his lips together as he sunk his fingers into Gamo's soft breast, his mind simply melting away in the process. Gamo closed her eyes, trying to let the pleasure of the sensation win over her desire to scream and run away. It worked. Somewhat.
"Heh, okay, I think that's much as I can take Paisen," she admitted sheepishly, and Naoto immediately retracted his hand.
Both of them just stood there for a few moments, their faces beet red and eyes unwilling to make contact. Gamo finally swallowed her fears and grabbed a hold of Naoto's hand, intertwining their fingers and pulled him into a much more tender and loving kiss.
It was at that moment that the front door flew open, causing both of them to yelp in panic, as they turned to face it.
Standing in the doorframe, silhouetted by the sunlight, stood both Hayase and Hana, grocery bags hanging off of their arms. Due to the sun, it was essentially impossible to make out their faces, but just the way they had suddenly paused, told Gamo everything.
Sure enough, the bags cluttered to the floor as Nagatoro sprinted forward and got all up into Gamo's face.
"What do you think you're doing!?" she shouted, a horrifyingly red grimace on her face.
Gamo looked at her, initially with some sort of guilt in her eyes, before it all melted away as she thought the situation over more.
"Loving my man," Gamo exclaimed with such confidence that it actually managed to shut Nagatoro up for a moment.
But it didn't last long. "Don't fuck with me! That's dirty of you! Waiting till Hana and I are gone!?"
"Listen-" Naoto tried to intervene, but both of them shut him down instantly with deadly glares.
"I don't want to hear it from you," Nagatoro yelled back at him, a clear pain tinging her voice. "You are so easily taken advantage of; I can never take my eyes off of you!"
"You would know best, wouldn't you?" Gamo remarked.
Ouch.
For a moment, Hayase looked like she was going to pummel Gamo to the ground, her eyes filled with nothing but contempt and hatred.
"We both agreed that Naoto needs to make a decision on his own! That this isn't going to work with both of us! And you just stab me in the back like that!?"
Nagatoro clenched her teeth together, wishing only that the world would stop screwing with her emotions.
"What makes you believe Naoto hasn't come to a decision yet?" Gamo asked, clearly trying to fire from all cylinders now.
Hayase was fuming, but she wasn't stupid. "Within a night!? After he asked me for a picture of myself? You seem so sure of yourself."
Gamo was actually shocked herself for a brief moment as she turned to Naoto. "That true?"
Naoto didn't think lying for either person's sake would improve anything, so he simply nodded.
"I didn't like the fact that I had no current picture of her," he answered truthfully. "I got one of you, after all."
The two women stared each other down, both trapped in their own possessive nature, while also having to understand that it was Naoto who was shackling them to this strange standstill.
The man had to either make up his mind, or the two would have to find a way to appreciate a life side by side with one another, as well as Naoto.
That would never work.
An exasperated sigh rung out from the entryway as Hana placed her bags on the floor next to Nagatoro's and stepped up to the trio of madness.
"You are all so caught up in the need for validation that you can't see the potential love ahead of you. Love is not something to be defied, regardless of the strangeness or oddities involved! Do not let societies force their values on you!"
Gamo shut her eyes as she spoke up in response. "It's not that simple Hana! Once you love someone, you will know how shitty it feels when they have eyes for another!"
Hana stared at Gamo with wild and unfocused eyes, suddenly appearing as if her calm and stoic demeanor had completely shattered.
"What? Once I love someone? You are-"
The corner of Hana's mouth twitched as she stomped past a stunned Nagatoro and Gamo. The moment she reached a just as confused Naoto, she grabbed him by the collar and pulled him toward her face.
With a wide, shocked expression, Naoto felt Hana's soft lips pressed against his.
Both of the women behind them could only watch with their jaws dropped, as their collective Kohai stole a kiss from Naoto.
Hana quickly let go of Naoto and turned back to the others, refusing to even glance at the man's face. Clearly, she too could be affected by shyness.
"As if I haven't had to deal with this forever by now!" Hana exclaimed with bitterness creeping into her tone. "But unlike you two, I can accept what the person I love wants and still stick by his side. So don't y- Naoto-senpai?"
Startled by a sudden sound, the three of them stared as Naoto walked away from them, casually knocking a lamp of a small table, like a cat that just felt like causing some mischief for no reason.
"You're all fired," he announced sternly.
"Huh!?" Gamo was the first to voice her bewilderment.
Naoto turned back around, his face flushed a pure red from both embarrassment, as well as some strange mixture of disappointment.
"You're all out of your mind! Look at me. Look at me! Naoto Hachiouji, average man by a landslide. Not even that, I am like, below the average. And you're all at each other's throats for some reason. Like, calm down! You've got your whole lives ahead of you. Why are you wasting it here, on me!? Find someone better!"
With an unexplainable passion lit inside of him, he stepped back toward them, right up to Nagatoro, her face contorted with confusion.
"You," Naoto started, pointing directly at her nose. "You're forgiven. Stop worrying about it! Stop hanging around me because you feel bad for what you did. Move on with your life!"
A quick shift to the side, and he was now only inches away from Gamo. "And you! You're gorgeous. You're funny. You can be so kind when you want to be. Guys that don't like you are idiots. You can go out there and find someone better than me. Like, immediately. I am sure of it."
Naoto quickly sighed as he moved on toward Hana, the only one who remained stoic as ever, but still definitely shaken from the kiss only moments prior.
"I don't even know what to say to you," Naoto said as he looked directly into her eyes. "For how long? What were you doing? And why not tell me during those years when I was by myself, away from their influence? What was the plan? Find someone better. As your Senpai, that's my advice."
There was clear pain in his face and voice, as well as a deep sense of pity for them all. The idea that they considered him a standout example of a guy was deeply disturbing and disappointing to him. It was truly a bizarre situation. Here Naoto was, in an unbelievable and dream like predicament, that most men would envy him for, but all he felt was a sense of frustration at the clear lack of logic and reason.
Naoto walked toward the kitchen counter and leaned against it with both hands, gasping for air, as it felt like his need to vent overwrote his ability to breathe. He didn't want to look at them anymore. He didn't want to see their hurt and forlorn expressions. Nothing that he could do or say would ever make them understand how little he believed that women like them should waste their time on someone like him.
But why?
Naoto looked at his own face, reflected in the clean, marble counter beneath his hands. It felt like the man staring back at him meant nothing to himself. The brown, unexceptional eyes, the chapped, unattractive lips, nothing about him felt special or exciting.
Even when he was on stage, performing in front of an audience that adored 'him', it was all an act. The guy on stage wasn't him. It never would be. Naoto would always remain nothing special.
Memories of the art room flooded his brain as he tried to remember that bird he sketched, years ago, just hours before his life was marked for all eternity.
Could that same bird still be flying in the sky at this very moment? Was it out there, right now, struggling to find a reason to continue flapping its wings, the same way Naoto was? Did it ever think back on where it came from? On the family, the parents that provided for it, that allowed it to grow, only for the world to remain unable to show it anything worth living for?
So many questions, with so few answers.
His mother was gone and his father didn't care. There were no more support pillars to hold onto. All that remained were willing volunteers, like Tadano, that could change their mind and abandon him at a moment's notice.
Just the way Naoto had abandoned himself, so many times in the past.
"What is wrong with you all?" he asked quietly, to no one in particular. Least of all himself. "I don't want this. I can't have this responsibility. A single word could break a heart. All of your hearts. That's not right."
Naoto turned, facing the women before him, the overwhelming emotions bubbling within him apparent on his face.
All three of them, including Hana, eyed Naoto with deep sorrow in their hearts. There was guilt in each and every one of their gazes, as they realized that this was without a doubt the worst possible timing for such a disruptive explosion of emotions. Hayase was the first one to recover and try to take a step toward Naoto, to reach out and comfort him, but he quickly held up his hand to stop her.
"Don't," he quickly said. "I don't want this to shift to me, all of a sudden. Forget me. Who cares? This is about the three of you. I need you to stop waiting for me to wake up and deal with everything messed up in my head. I need you to just understand that I am not whoever you all think I am. What are you even looking at? What are you guys seeing? I am pretty sure I've spent, at least eighty percent of the time you've all known me, as a nervous wreck. Barely able to be called a 'man'. So, if you are drawn to pathetic, scrawny trainwrecks, sure, yeah, I can accommodate you. Stop trying to fix me!"
The young man ran his hand through his own hair in frustration. A few of his locks came loose, clinging onto his fingers.
"Like, come on Hayase," he continued, looking at her with a sense of disapproval. "I've always been a loser. First time you saw me, I cried like a bitch. That's who I am. What you did sucked, to put it mildly. It's actually crazy to think that you did that. But I am done caring about it. You think I would have turned out any better without that in my life? You think I would have suddenly become an outstanding, peak male specimen? Don't think so!"
Hayase pressed her lips together as she listened to Naoto's insane reasoning.
"That's not... You deserved better..."
"I did?" Naoto questioned with a raised brow. "The way I am looking at it, that was the only time in my pathetic life that I had sex. So maybe you did me a favor after all."
Gamo's mouth fell open. What was going on!?
"Are you like gaslighting yourself!?" Gamo asked in disbelief. "Naoto! Stop!"
Naoto glanced at Gamo and she could see a strange flicker in them, as if the light of a candle was being fanned.
"Does it upset you?" Naoto asked her. "That I am willing to forgive Hayase?"
Gamo's eye twitched in response, and the fiery redhead couldn't stop herself from scowling for a moment.
"You're telling me how much you want me to yourself, yet here you are, still best buds with the person you should hate the most. You ever thought about how messed up that is?"
Gamo gritted her teeth, shooting a glance at Nagatoro, who seemed completely lost in despair at these turns of events.
"Naoto-senpai, please, calm down," Hana tried to ease the situation. "You are grieving right now. You are not emotionally capable of rationality."
"What if I said I'd want to be with you Hana?" Naoto immediately asked her.
The younger woman's eyes widened for a split second, before she managed to regain control of her emotions. But the damage was done.
"See?" Naoto quickly latched onto that moment of weakness. "You'd still be happy about it. You'd still want it."
"That's not the point," Hana replied with the most controlled voice she could muster at this point. "Regardless of how I feel about it, it still wouldn't be right. We all know this."
"Which is why it's so messed up that Maki did this shit!" Nagatoro chimed in, fury once more overtaking her.
Gamo wanted to hiss some form of vitriol back at her, but quickly had to accept that she wasn't wrong. Gamo had essentially come onto Naoto at a time when he was emotionally vulnerable and most likely not quite himself. It honestly made her no better than Hayase at this point.
The redhead hung her head in shame, as the full weight of her guilt hit.
"I am sorry..."
"What are you sorry for?" Naoto questioned, almost furiously so. "I never said I had an issue with it."
To his surprise, Hana rushed toward him, pushing her index finger into his face.
"That is enough from you!" the youngest of the four bellowed, a stern expression on her face, leaving no room for argumentation. "You are not remotely capable of having this conversation right now. Every word from you is a poison laced knife, cutting into those you love. I refuse to let you burden yourself so."
With one sharp motion, she turned ninety degrees and pointed toward the stairs, never breaking eye contact with Naoto. "Go to your room!"
Naoto squinted at her, not quite sure if she was messing with him or not.
"Come again?"
Hana's eyes narrowed as she repeated herself. "Go. To. Your. Room."
Naoto leaned forward, pushing his face closer to her own, until they were only inches apart from one another. It was the strangest tension that either of them had ever experienced. Naoto couldn't glean an ounce of intent behind Hana's stoic stare, which frightened him more than anything. How did he still understand so little about her, despite all of these years?
Feeling completely lost in this predicament they found themselves in, Naoto simply felt too exhausted to continue arguing an utterly worthless point. With a heavy sigh, he dismissively waved his hand and walked past the women, making his way upstairs into his room.
The moment he was out of sight, Hana let out the breath she had been holding in ever since Naoto had gotten so close to her. Despite her own vow of keeping her emotions under lock and key, she had been so close to cracking and kissing him a second time. Now that she let these feelings, which had so far been bottled up for agonizingly long years, loose onto the world, there was no putting them back where they came from.
Nagatoro was still on edge. The tanned woman knew that Hana made the right call, by having Naoto leave the room and exiting the situation, but she wanted to hold onto him regardless.
Seeing him so close to Gamo upon returning had truly gutted her, proving once again that this would never work in a shared relationship.
They would eventually kill each other.
But above all else, this seemed to be another terrible indication. No matter what happened, if Naoto chose to be with either one of them, there was no way their friendship would remain intact.
Gamo's hands were balled into tight fists, shaking in fear and anger. The redhead couldn't believe just how much she had messed up within the short time given to her on this morning. There were no excuses to justify the way she had thrown herself onto a grieving and emotionally scarred Naoto. Despite her best of intentions, her fervent desire to comfort the man she loved and make him forget about his pain, if only momentarily, she had still acted similar to a predator, taking advantage of his vulnerable state to get what she wanted.
"Fuck!"
Gamo yelled in frustration, as she buried her face in her hands.
"I am such an idiot! What is wrong with me!?"
Gamo hit herself into the side of her head with the palm of her hand, absolutely livid at her own behavior. She wanted to yell and scream, until her vocal cords ripped apart. Naoto trusted her, he gave into her advances because he had full faith in her intent and love. And she abused that faith he had in her.
Another time, she slammed her hand directly into her temple, the force of which caused her vision to blur momentarily.
As she went for a third hit, she suddenly found her wrist restrained.
Gamo looked up into the eyes of Nagatoro, who was glaring at her with the wildest mixture of concern and hatred that the redhead had ever witnessed.
"Naoto wouldn't want you to do that to yourself," Nagatoro told her. "And neither do I."
"Hayacchi- I can't- What I did-"
Nagatoro lowered her gaze, as it unfocused, as if they were losing the tanned beauty to her own mind. "I know. I've been there, remember?"
The two of them stood there, frozen to the ground, feeling a terrible bond between one another, the kind that no one would ever want to acknowledge. It was one composed of the pain and wrongness that both of them had inflicted onto the same man, the only man, that had ever fully captured their hearts.
Hana cleared her throat.
"If you two could stop feeling sorry for yourselves, perhaps we could figure out how to handle Naoto-senpai."
Nagatoro snapped back to reality and spun around to glower at Hana. "Screw you."
"If cussing at me makes you feel better, please, go ahead," Hana invited her. "But it's not going to make the situation better."
Gamo slowly found herself recovering from the utter despair that had gripped her heart and she quickly glanced across the room at Hana.
"You've been... in love with Naoto, this whole time?" she asked hesitantly, almost not wanting to know the answer.
Hana sighed as she shut her eyes and shrugged. "It's complicated. Naoto-senpai has been an important part of my life since I first started my journey as an artist. Besides my cousin, he was my first role model, the first inspiration in my life, to lead me down the path I now wander. I've never wanted anything other than the best for him."
The kohai walked over to the couch and sat down on its edge.
"When he graduated middle school ahead of me, I wasn't sure why the world suddenly looked so bleak and monotone. I assumed it was my artistic eye telling me that my surroundings weren't a suitable canvas for me. But now I know, I simply missed my muse."
Despite the sincere emotions on display, the heaviness of the information Hana was divulging, she seemed as calm as ever. Only a very slight droop in her eyes even indicated that she felt any different than usual.
"Sana must have seen it though," she continued with something that resembled a smirk. "She immediately suggested I join Kazehaya High, the moment I began looking for the next step in my education. When she mentioned that Hachiouji-senpai was a member of the art club, I agreed without hesitation. That should have been a clear sign."
Hana raised and titled her head, looking into Nagatoro's eyes, with a hint of sadness glinting behind her own.
"Then I found you by his side. It was clear from the very moment I watched you both together that you were more than either of you were willing to admit. So, I continued to live in my obliviousness. I became his confidant, worked by his side in the hopes that he could find happiness in your arms."
Hana's brows furrowed as the glint in her eyes turned sour. "Then you broke him."
Nagatoro recoiled in pain, the strike at her heart more severe and intense, given the previous moment of tender confinement in each other.
"I dislike you," Hana plainly stated. "I distrust you. I do not think you are a good fit for my Senpai. But that didn't matter to me, because he wanted to be with you and in your own messed up and twisted way, you made him happy. But now, now you are just an undesirable growth, tearing him down. I will always fight for his happiness, whether or not that involves me being by his side. Your selfish sort of love sickens me."
"Hey!" Gamo yelled in protest. "Lay off of her!"
Despite how much the redhead tended to share Hana's view at certain times, she still couldn't stand the idea of someone picking on the woman she had considered her sister for such a long stretch of her life.
"Do not act like you don't agree with me!" Hana bit back, her face slowly losing the cool and collected nature it was known for.
Gamo shook her head. "Hayacchi is a god damn mess, just like the rest of us. What she did is inexcusable. But she understands that! She's learned from it! She is doing the best she can to make amends for it!"
"Then she should get out of his life," Hana simply stated. She didn't even try to cover up the viciousness underlining each word. "Wouldn't you agree that that is the best thing for everyone involved?"
"Naoto invited us all!" Gamo countered, refusing to back down in defense for her friend. "Clearly he doesn't agree with you!"
Hana shot up from the couch. "I am sorry, I forgot that neither of you are able to fight your urges to fall upon him like raptors whenever he leaves himself vulnerable. You think your invitation wasn't brought on by blind grief? Even so, it was her awful idea to remain here, by his side, instead of packing up her bags and going back home, that caused such a scene."
Gamo felt herself tensing up in the worst way possible. She wanted to leap forward and physically lash out. Gamo was a well trained and semi accomplished kick boxer, after all. Hana would stand absolutely no chance. But that would only prove her point. It would only make them seem even more emotionally stunted and irresponsible.
"You're wrong," Gamo simply replied. "I think it was the right call. Naoto needed someone to be with him during this time."
"And you think this vile demon was the correct person for the task?" Hana mocked with a terrible venom dripping from her words.
"What's wrong with you!?" Gamo shouted again, a vein throbbing on her forehead. "What makes you think you can just be so cruel!?"
"I am sick of watching this!" Hana shouted, her face contorting slightly in anger. "I am beyond sick and tired of seeing Naoto-senpai letting himself be poisoned again and again, never learning his lesson, never fully overcoming his own pain and scars, because you won't leave him be!"
"Shut up!"
Gamo and Hana both brought their eyes to rest on Nagatoro, her face showing no sigh of anger, despite the sudden outburst.
"Naoto is right, you know?" she pointed out, her golden eyes fixated on Hana's eyes. "You had all this time to step up and take this spot in his life. Why didn't you? Why come after us now?"
"Because I am not the one he wants," Hana stated as a matter of fact.
"You don't know that," Nagatoro retorted. "He didn't even have any idea. He's quite oblivious, as we all know. You're making excuses. You're scared, aren't you? He's never seen you as someone like that. Never looked at you as an equal. Always just as his sweet, precious Kohia. And that hurts, doesn't it? You see the way he loves someone you despise, instead of ever even considering you as an option. It kills you on the inside. That's why you never accepted your own feelings. Not out of a noble cause. You just couldn't handle the truth. You didn't want to accept the reality of it."
Hana got as close to a sneer as it seemed possible for her. "Don't act like you know me."
"I don't know you, true enough," Nagatoro admitted. "But I know what it's like to be in love with an oblivious, down on himself dork like Naoto. I know what it's like suddenly losing sight of him, only to realize that he's doing fine without you. When it suddenly turns out that maybe there is someone else he'd rather be with. I am scared. I am terrified. I don't want him to love anyone else but me. And I am sure you feel the same way as me. So yeah, you'd hate me, you'd want to get rid of me, you'd want me out of his life. I can respect that."
Nagatoro furrowed her brow and took a threatening step forward. "But don't ever tell me you're saying these things for him. You want me out of the way for your own benefit. Naoto isn't a child. He doesn't need you to set boundaries for him."
Sparks flew between the two women, as neither of them refused to back down, their eyes locked in a violent mental struggle with one another.
Gamo started to think Naoto was right. They all had some screws loose. This wouldn't solve anything. Maybe they should let Naoto live his life and move on without them.
But then she remembered the way they had kissed, just some short time ago, the way she had felt his body against hers and the way she had held onto him tightly, as if her life depended on it.
And suddenly she realized she didn't want to live without more of that.
Gamo needed more of him.