Gamo wiped sweat from her brow. Her arms were shaking from the strain she had put them under throughout her workout. Still, another ten pushups or so and she would have beaten her personal best. The redhead didn't dare quit now. If there was something she wanted, Gamo knew that she had to work hard for it, regardless of whether the odds appeared to be in her favor.
This single day, one which felt as if it had been going on for an eternity, had caused an avalanche of migraines for Gamo, most of which were, quite frankly, self inflicted. It was only a couple of years ago, when she realized just how much her heart longed for the affection of another. Despite the relatively short span of time that had passed since her moment of clarity, as well as the daily drive to push herself to even greater heights in her personal pursuits, her heart seemed to only beat for a single purpose in moment such as these.
Just five more. Keep going.
Why? Why and how could one single person, one out of a billion roaming this earth, worm their way into her mind, occupying every single thought she dared to have?
Gamo wasn't sure. Love was a scary concept. The deeper she delved into the matter, the more terrifying the hold Naoto had over her turned out to be. And to realize that it was the same for Hayase and Hana, that they were also at the mercy of the same person's emotional whims, was excruciating. At once she felt pity, as well as pure and utter hatred toward her competition.
That was an extra layer of stress and discomfort added to the pile of madness that they were all buried under. The man their hearts and minds desired, turned out to be emotionally scarred to such an extent, that either out of empathy, pettiness or any other untold reasons, couldn't take it upon himself to break the hearts of any of his potential suitors, to provide joy and happiness to the last one standing.
It was madness. It was a minefield of pain and suffering, where every misstep caused another gut wrenching scenario to play out. Gamo wanted out of it, but her heart refused to bend. Every time the redhead conceded that, for her own mental wellbeing, as well as Naoto's, it would be best for her to buzz off, the devastating emotional reality of that decision caused her to freeze.
Not only would that entail a life without Naoto by her side, but it would also potentially leave him in the clutches of Hayase, a woman that by no means, had any right to remain by his side. Gamo had to accept this. Despite Hayacchi having been like a sister to her for so long, and Gamo having always rooted for her, the mistakes she had made in the past were monstrous and too numerous.
Even if Naoto had decided to forgive her and allow her to move on with a guilt free conscious, that did not make her a proper fit for him.
Gamo groaned in pain, her muscles crying out in agony. Two more. Do it!
Hana might have been suitable enough in Gamo's mind, but her unusual and emotionally distant behavior might leave Naoto feeling isolated, unloved and unwanted at critical times in his life.
That wouldn't do either.
One more.
Naoto. Why couldn't she have seen what Hayase saw, all those years ago, in the library. Why couldn't she have been the one to catch his attention and grow as close to him as she did.
Gamo wavered, her arms unwilling to push her body up another time.
Back then, in their high school days, she was the same. She was just as bad as Hayacchi. There was no way she'd have done much better. Gamo definitely wouldn't have gone off the deep end in the same way, but if she were to be truly honest with herself, she would have been just as bad of a girlfriend.
But at least she would have had the balls to say something and-
Would she have? After all, it took so much pain, so much suffering, for her to finally open up and be honest to herself and Naoto, most of all.
Gamo clenched her jaw and tried again. A jolt of pain surged through her entire being, causing her to hiss through her teeth.
"C-Come on!"
The redhead shut her eyes tightly and tried to push past the suffering of her body. These muscles were her own, hers to command and she would not allow disobedience. This body of hers, honed to the peak of her physical limits, was of no worth to anyone, if it could not protect those she loved when it mattered the most. If all that she was failed at something so insignificant as this, what was the point of her existence?
The shaking became worse, her breath hitched as she tried to stabilize herself, push just that tiny bit further. But, as always, something, somewhere, had to give. There was a sudden, excruciating stabbing sensation in her shoulder and with a shriek, she collapsed onto the floor.
There she remained, her face mashed uncomfortably into the ground, tears of frustration and pain forming in the corners of her eyes. Gamo had no interest in whatever it was that had just come undone within her body, she just loathed her own weakness.
"Gamo!"
Stop. Go away.
But, of course, he didn't.
Naoto appeared in her view, getting on his knees next to her, looking into her eyes with concern.
"What happened!?" he asked incredulously, looking her over as if the woman had been in a brawl.
Gamo didn't want to respond. She closed her eyes again, just to avoid his worried gaze. The woman had used the spare bedroom on the first floor, in the hopes to avoid any and all prying eyes, but she never considered the possibility that she would push herself to the brink of her capabilities, causing a scene like this.
It was shameful. She was less than she hoped to be. A sham.
Naoto tried to help her into a more comfortable position, gently pushing her to lie on her back. Unfortunately, he applied pressure to the part of her shoulder that had decided to betray her, causing her to groan in pain and curl into herself.
"I-I am sorry!" Naoto quickly apologized in panic, harrowed by the idea that he caused her more pain.
Just leave me be...
"Gamo, please, talk to me," Naoto begged, his voice clearly conveying his genuine fear for her wellbeing.
Gamo shook her head, her lips pressed so hard against one another that all color had drained from them.
"Is she okay!?" Hayacchi's voice could be heard asking from beyond the door.
Gamo's eyes flew open as she considered the possibility of her friend seeing her like this. She quickly tried to move her body and force herself onto her legs, but Naoto gently held her in place, by putting his hand on her stomach.
"Y-Yeah," Naoto lied through his teeth. "No need to worry."
Gamo glanced over to see that Naoto had apparently locked the door behind him after he entered. Did he anticipate this?
To no ones surprise, the door knob rattled, as Hayase tried to enter.
"What in the world!?" she exclaimed, shocked. "Why is the door locked!?"
Gamo couldn't help but grin, the pain and shame she was experiencing pushing her to utilize this opportunity to be petty and immature.
"Cause I am naked," she said with a barely contained laugh.
"WHAT!?"
Naoto palmed his forehead in exasperation. Of course, Gamo was lying. She was wearing a regular, white tank top and a pair of sweatpants. But Nagatoro couldn't know that through the closed door.
"Hayase, she's lying," Naoto tried to ease the tanned woman's shock.
"Come on Paisen!" Gamo groaned in disapproval. "Lemme have some fun."
Gamo finally moved her head to meet Naoto's gaze for the first time, and she was taken aback by how serious and unamused he seemed. His hard stare caused her smirk to vanish instantly.
"Yeah, sorry Hayacchi," Gamo sighed aloud. "Just messing with ya."
"Hayase," Naoto quickly interjected. "Could you prep a hot towel and pain meds? I am not good with sports related injuries, but I think Gamo may have torn something."
"Y-yeah, of course," Hayase responded softly, followed by the sounds of her footsteps growing fainter.
Naoto removed his hand from Gamo, allowing her to move more freely.
"What the hell are you doing?" he asked with disapproval in his tone.
Gamo chuckled cynically. "Just working out, as you can see."
Naoto scowled at her, finding no amusement in the situation.
"You're hurt!" he reminded her sternly. "Pretty sure that's not how you do that!"
"I find pain and injuries to be quite the motivator."
Naoto clenched his teeth together. "Well, I find you to be quite stupid."
"Well," Gamo sighed with some playfulness in her tone. "Took you long enough."
Naoto groaned. The redhead was a little too effective at straining his nerves sometimes.
"Maki, you can't jus-"
"D-Don't," Gamo suddenly interrupted him. "Don't call me that when I am like this..."
Naoto raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
Gamo sat up, supporting herself with the uninjured arm.
"I am a hot mess," Gamo admitted with disdain for herself. "I am angry. I am depressed. I am weak as all hell. I don't want you to call me that, as if I deserved it."
Naoto shook his head at her words. With a surprising amount of confidence, he placed his hand under her chin and lifted her face to look directly at him.
"Maki," he started again. "Please, don't push yourself this hard. There's no point to any of this strength of yours if you are unable to move and utilize it."
Gamo could feel herself shivering, as if a wave of cold was washing over here, yet she felt warmer than while she was working herself to the bone.
Naoto's gentle and kind assurance, his unwavering support, the way he looked at her at this moment, she just wanted it all to herself.
"God, I hate you," Gamo said, followed by a quiet chuckle to herself.
"Huh!?"
Naoto was more than a little thrown off by her sudden exclamation.
"Not actually," Gamo laughed. "But the way you make me feel- We're here to help you. We're supposed to ease your grieving. Instead, all of this happens. Now you're the one trying to help me. This is so stupid."
"It's really not," Naoto replied, removing his hand from her face. "We're all human here, we all got issues to deal with."
Gamo shook her head dejectedly. "I am supposed to be stronger than this. I am supposed to be someone you can rely on."
"But you are," Naoto reassured her. "Maki, everything is so much better, just because you're here."
Gamo shut her eyes, a blush creeping onto her face. "Stop."
"I am not lying to you!" Naoto ensured her, a small smile playing on his face. "You were the first one at the funeral, when I was falling apart. You somehow found me at the graveyard when I felt all alone in the world. Without you here, I am not sure how I'd be holding up."
The redhead allowed herself a smile, her cheeks now fully covered in a deep red hue. "I am glad I could be there for you."
Naoto, almost by instinct, reached out and placed his hand on her head and began gently stroking her hair. Gamo pursed her lips. While a small part of her told her to stop this, that it wasn't the right time, it was fully drowned out by her heart leaping in her chest.
The redhead leaned into his tender touch and sighed happily at the loving gesture.
Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, and their gentle moment was disrupted by the sound of a stern knock on the bedroom door.
"Naoto-senpai!" Hana's voice droned from the hallway. "I'd recommend getting Gamo-senpai checked out quickly, to rule out any serious injuries."
Naoto quickly retracted his hand and got up from his position on the floor besides Gamo. With a quick hop he was on his feet, holding his hand out to assist the woman below him.
"She's right," Naoto admitted. "Let's get you checked up on."
Two hours later, Naoto and Gamo were sitting in her car, driving back from the doctor's office. After some serious reprimanding, the doctor told Gamo that her muscles were going to be fine, as long as she rested them and moved as little as possible.
Of course, this spat in the face of everything Gamo believed in, but neither the doctor, nor Naoto, would hear any of it.
"You did this to yourself," Naoto reminded her in the car, a serious expression on his face.
"Yeah, yeah," Gamo responded, incredibly disgruntled. "Maybe if you didn't drive me up a wall, I would have kept my cool."
Naoto actually let out a scoff at that. "I doubt it. You can be such a meathead sometimes."
"What's that supposed to mean!?" Gamo asked, slightly offended.
"You and Hayase both!" Naoto continued, more animated now. "She was in the nurse's office when I called her for the funeral. Apparently pushed herself physically as well, got messed up pretty badly. You two are so alike sometimes."
"D-Don't say that," Gamo requested weakly.
"I didn't mean it like-"
"I know," Gamo interrupted him swiftly, her mind working fast on driving her into the ground. "I just- Don't compare us. Not now. Or ever. Don't."
With her eyes firmly fixed onto the road ahead, Gamo didn't notice Naoto's hand slowly moving closer, before it cautiously landed on her leg. The sudden contact caused her to flinch slightly in shock, but she quickly recovered, hoping he didn't notice.
"I am sorry, Maki," Naoto apologized, feeling bad about causing her any distress.
The redhead was boiling over beneath her skin, far too overwhelmed by Naoto's consistent initiation of physical intimacy.
"M-man, you sure changed," the flustered woman stammered with some nervous laughter. "Just a few years ago, you pulled away when I tried to like touch your hand for a second. Now you're doing all this."
Naoto chuckled quietly besides her. "Guess I just feel comfortable around you."
"What about you then?" he suddenly countered. "Why are shy all of a sudden?"
Gamo began drumming her fingers against the steering wheel.
"I got no idea what you are talking about," she opted to play stupid. "I am good."
"Oh yeah?"
Naoto quickly moved his hand to her thigh and gently squeezed it, which caused Gamo to let out a quiet hiss.
"S-Stop that!" she demanded, her face flushing hard.
"Mhm," Naoto sounded mocking. "Very good."
Gamo quickly shot him a death glare, slightly undermined by the intense blush she was sporting.
"Don't just touch me there like that without my permission!" Gamo shouted with a shaking voice.
Naoto quickly removed his hand, now suddenly shaking, and stared at her with a crestfallen expression.
"I-I am sorry Maki," he apologized with a deeply disturbed tone. "I- I didn't mean to-"
Gamo suddenly wanted to kick herself for phrasing it in such a way that it would undoubtedly trigger his own painful memories.
"That's not what I meant!" Gamo quickly tried to correct herself. "I like when you touch me- I- Wait!"
Gamo hit her head against the steering wheel, wishing this conversation could just burn in a fire.
Next to her, Naoto was spending too much time collecting himself after the panic that gripped his heart began fading, to notice her freaking out. Gamo managed to take a deep breath to calm her embarrassment and address her friend.
"Are you alright?" she asked him quickly, worried sick about him. "Really, I didn't mean it like that."
"Y-Yeah, I get it," Naoto assured her. "I just- Don't worry about it. I overreacted."
Gamo shook her head. With her lips pursed, she quickly found the nearest available spot, and pulled off to the side of the road. Once the car was stopped, she turned to Naoto, to really observe him and make sure he was fine.
"Maki, I'm fine," Naoto said again.
Despite the beads of sweat on his face and the less than optimal breathing, she could tell that the worst case scenario had been avoided.
Gamo sighed, relieved by the observation.
"Dude," she exclaimed with a nervous laugh. "If we would have had to turn right back around to get you checked out, I would have been so mad."
Naoto put on a weak smirk. "Same."
Gamo leaned back in her seat and stared at the roof of the car. This was another thing that she would have to keep a consistent eye out for, something she would always have to be aware of, from what she knew.
Naoto's panic attacks, his history of self harm, an actual suicidal attempt, none of it could ever slip her mind. Gamo didn't want it to. Naoto was too precious for her to ever slip up and potentially cause him any harm.
"I love you, Naoto," Gamo said quietly, taking the young man off guard. "I really do."
There was a moment of silence in the car, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Gamo didn't expect to hear anything in return. It wasn't even as if the statement was truly meant for him. Far more, it felt like a reaffirmation to herself, to remind her why she was here, why all of this was worth suffering through.
Gamo smiled as she closed her eyes and allowed herself to be made comfortable by the gentle whirring of the car's air conditioning. Blind as she was now, her hearing was still sharp as ever. Thus, she raised an eyebrow, as she perceived the sounds of Naoto shifting in his seat.
The next moment, she could feel a pair of lips, softly pressing against her temple.
Feeling none of the embarrassment, anxiety or flustering that tormented her before, Gamo's smile grew wider and she reached out, taking Naoto's hand in her own.
Together, they sat there in silence, basking in the warm rays of the sun, on its way down from its peak above, enjoying each other's presence.
It wasn't hyperbole for Gamo when she considered this the best moment of her life so far.
Naoto intertwined their fingers and began gently rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb, causing Gamo to sigh, truly content.
Gamo wanted to remain like this, forever, if possible, but the realist in her wouldn't allow her a moment of happiness.
"Naoto, you can't do this man," she complained, her brows furrowing. "You're giving me hope. You're taking it away from them. You need to do something."
Naoto sighed besides her, wishing that life could be easier on them.
"I know," he finally admitted. "You're right. I can't keep doing this."
Gamo bit her lower lip.
"So what's your plan?" she asked timidly, wanting to hear him choose her, right here, right now.
Naoto chuckled, separating their hands and sitting up straight in his seat.
"First, I'll send you all home," he stated.
"Huh!?" Gamo opened her eyes again and sat up as well. "Seriously!?"
Naoto nodded with a bashful smile. "I'll take some time to think about things."
Gamo's jaw fell open. "No, you're running away!"
"I am not!" Naoto defended himself.
"Course you are!" Gamo scowled, her orange eyes pinning the man to his spot. "You don't know what to do with yourself, you're scared of hurting anyone but yourself! But, newsflash Naoto, we're already hurting! You can't avoid this shit!"
Naoto squirmed in his seat, not wanting to admit his own weakness to her.
Gamo leaned forward, putting her hands on his shoulders, something that hurt her own, strained muscles.
"Naoto, listen to me," she urged him, pleading eyes gazing into his own. "You don't have to stick with us. You don't have to feel obligated to choose any of us. You can cut yourself loose from all of this baggage and just head out on your own, enjoy life without having to worry about the what if's of it all."
"I think I said the same thing to the three of you," Naoto countered, even though he understood her point.
"Sure, you did," she conceded. "But you have a good enough reason to drop us. Maybe not Hana, but, like you said yourself, that's a little complicated and- Ugh. I don't know! Naoto, I don't know. I want you to stay with me. I want you to be happy. I can't tell you what to do. But you seriously can't keep doing this. Not to yourself, or to us. It's not fair to anyone."
Naoto nodded and turned away from Gamo, staring out of the window, onto the road around the bend.
Gamo didn't know what was going on in his mind, maybe she never would, but she desperately wanted him to be happy, with or without her, and for all of this uncertainty to stop.
Maybe Hana was the right call after all. She was an artist, like him. The two had been friends for longer than the rest of them. The young woman always had his best interests in mind, even going so far as to fighting her and Yoshi off a couple of times to help Naoto and Nagatoro out.
Gamo was certain, given the chance, Hana could provide him with the most stable, most comfortable and most appealing life of them all. It simply seemed so obvious to her, but due to Naoto's obliviousness to the feelings of the people around him, the chances of that happening any time soon were rather low.
"Maki?"
Naoto's quiet, somber voice ripped Gamo out of her own thoughts. Her eyes were fixed to the back of the man's fluffy head as he began speaking again.
"If I asked you to drive away with me right now, would you?"
Gamo's lips parted in surprise, but the shock didn't last all too long.
"Of course I would," Gamo replied, her voice just as soft as Naoto's. "Nothing could stop me."
Naoto nodded slowly. A strained sigh escaped him, before he turned toward Gamo, a handful of tears staining his face.
"I couldn't do that to them," he said with a painfully cheerful tone. "It's not about what I want."
Gamo pressed her lips together to the point it hurt.
"Of course it is, Naoto!" she stared at him incredulously, her eyes wide as saucers. "Tell me what you want!"
Naoto just smiled as his gaze fell onto the floor, as he tried to shut the possibility of happiness out.
"Naoto!"
Naoto grabbed Gamo's hand, squeezing it firmly, trying to find a means to anchor himself in the moment.
Gamo quickly clasped her other hand on top of his. "Please, talk to me..."
Naoto shut his eyes and clenched his teeth for a moment.
"Drive."