Title : Robcina Week Day 5 - Three Houses
Description: This was supposed to be a fun vactation, just the three of them as a family. Then Morgan got bored and ran off to explore the Outrealms on her own, forcing her parents to chase after her. When they finally cornered her in a land called Fodlan… well… let's just say neither Robin or Lucina were prepared for what came next.
Notes: Written for Day 5 of Robcina Week 2020. This is not to be taken as a canon event within continuity with my other stories. This is pure crack-fic.
"Nooooooo! You can't! I had it all planned out! My pitfall revolution! It was perfect!"
Robin dug in his heels, trying to pry his daughter away from the doorway she was clinging to for dear life. Beads of sweat dripped down his brow, stinging his eyes, born from the struggle to extricate Morgan from the underground catacombs she'd taken residence in. He spared a sidelong glance to Lucina, seeing she was equally worn out. The fact their daughter had managed to resist their combined efforts was rather impressive, to be entirely honest.
"Morgan, please. Stop this nonsense, I beg of you," Lucina urged. She peeled back Morgan's fingers enough for her to release her grip and allow Robin to begin dragging her up the stairs that led out of the Abyss.
"But you don't understand, mother! This was for the greater good! The greater good I say!" Morgan ranted, her arms flailing in front of her as she desperately sought some sort of purchase.
"Morgan, you weren't even supposed to be here! What happened to our vacation to the Beachrealm?" Robin asked. Lucina gripped the underside of one of Morgan's arms, allowing Robin to free up one of his hands to rub the sweat from his face. And to pinch the bridge of his nose as he tried to fathom the series of decisions that had led Morgan to steal the gold he'd brought along on the trip to pay for Anna to bring her to multiple worlds across the Outrealms.
What was supposed to be a fun family vacation had instead turned into the two of them chasing after their daughter as she trapsed from world to world, leaving chaos in her wake, before they'd finally caught her here. And from what that archbishop had told them, the antic.
"I got bored! There's only so many times I can dig traps in the sand!" Morgan countered. "This was way funner! But that's not the point! I uncovered a huge conspiracy! Like, the kind people wearing tinfoil on their head scream about! Except it's true!"
"Was uncovering this 'conspiracy' before or after you tried to extort the head of the church to give you a position as a professor?" Lucina asked.
"Before, duh! What do you think was my blackmail material?" Morgan shouted, managing to give an indignant sigh and roll her eyes even as she continued to struggle. They were almost to the top of the stairs now, daylight streaming down from the opening in the wall.
"It's that stupid Rhea's fault too! Could have just given me the job and I would have left all her dirty little secrets be! But she had to deny me! ME!" Morgan screamed, her voice echoing down the passageway. She seized the edge of the wall, hooking her feet down on the last step. "I would have been the best teacher ever! Besides, they just gave a teaching gig to some random mercenary right before I showed up! I am way more qualified!"
In unison both Robin and Lucina heaved with all their might once, then again, and then again. On the third pull they managed to dislodge her, all three flying clear of the entrance and landing in a tangled heap in the grass. Several students making their way to class stopped dead in their tracks, staring at the scene unfolding, before hurrying along just as quickly.
Morgan managed to scramble to her feet first, making a break back for the entrance to the Abyss. However both of her parents were on her a second later, tackling her to the ground and pinning her there. She struggled for several moments, even resorting to biting Robin's hand, but eventually she stilled, her struggle morphing into grumbling under her breath.
"Morgan, a part of me wants to ask you what this conspiracy is, but the more rational part of me knows this will just be some crazy story you concocted just like last time," Robin told her, heaving her up over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. At once Morgan began to struggle again, pounding on his back with her fiists and flailing her legs. Ignoring the pain, Robin began hauling her to where Anna was waiting in the market, having struck up a conversation with her sister from this world last Robin had seen her.
"I didn't make it up! Their whole religion is a lie! Their goddess is actually just some dragon!" Morgan told them, giving up her pounding to cross her arms indignantly.
"You mean like Naga?" Robin asked.
"Yes! I mean, no! This is different! Naga told us she doesn't want people to worship her!" Morgan countered. "And the people running the church are secretly dragons too and have been controlling everything for hundreds of years! And don't get me started on the mole people!"
Robin stopped, staring at her blankly. "Mole people?" he asked, utterly dumbfounded by the statement. Okay, that was certainly a new one, even for Morgan.
"Yeah! They live underground and have robots that shoot lasers!"
Robin blinked, it taking him several moments to process this. "Uh-huh…"
"It's true! I'm not lying!" Morgan told them, puffing out her cheeks with a huff.
"Is this not like when you tried to tell us that ridiculous story about how you uncovered that Grima was actually just some sort of creation an alchemist made by mixing his blood with a divine dragon's?" Lucina asked.
"And that Risen are actually animated by some sort of magical insect hidden inside stone masks?" Robin added.
"All that is true too! I don't know why you don't believe me!" Morgan shouted even louder.
"What about the time you said Marth never wore pants before the gods 'remade the timeline'? You must admit, that claim was quite outlandish, even by your standards." Lucina offered in response
"Okay, that one was actually fake!" Morgan huffed. She tightened her crossed arms, pouting all the more fiercely."But the rest of them were totally true. You never believe me about anything!"
"Morgan, are we also going to ignore when you tried to tell us Naga and the other Divine Dragons were from outer space? Or have you decided that one was actually true again?" Robin asked.
"That… okay, fine, that one wasn't real either. Also the dragons are space aliens! Turns out it's just in this world, not ours! I just didn't know that at the time, so I was sort of right… kinda...ish."
"Okay, now I know you're making this whole thing up," Robin said, rolling his eyes and eliciting a flurry of angry grumbles from his daughter. He sighed deeply, shaking his head for what was perhaps the dozenth time.
"Morgan, even if this supposed conspiracy was true, that does not excuse trying to turn that entire Abyss place into 'the biggest pitfall trap ever conceived by mankind'," Lucina quoted, using her daughter's own words to describe her own plan.
"Hey, that stupid Rhea started it when she sent her church ninja-assassins after me. I think trying to trap the whole monastery in a pitfall trap was the perfectly rational thing to do," Morgan argued.
"I…" Robin glanced over to his wife. "I am not sure what I'm even supposed to say to that."
"Nor do I," Lucina agreed. "But at the very least, I am now certain that Morgan concocted the whole thing."
"Agreed, that much is plain to see," Robin said, nodding.
"Hey! I'm still here! Don't ignore me!" Morgan cut in, glaring at both her parents in turn.
"Yes, and I think it's safe to say you're also grounded. No idea how long yet. Not quite sure what's a fair length of time for trying to topple a religious establishment," Robin told her.
"I'd say at least a month. Perhaps longer," Lucina suggested.
"Certainly," Robin agreed. "Maybe three or four would be good."
"Awwwww, you're both laaaaaaaaaaammmme!" Morgan whinmed, dragging her hands over her face. She grimaced, muttering something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like 'I'm so telling on Rhea to Naga."
She is taking this quite seriously. I wonder if she really could… Robin mused, then shook his head at the thought before he'd even finished it. Of course it wasn't. Given Morgan's track record, there was no way she could even possibly be telling the truth.