Feelings

Sophia's P.O.V.

May/June

We were nearly thrown into May as soon as Easter was over and we flew back to the academy from Court. I had a handful of weeks left of my senior year until my trials and every novice and I were cracking down. We not only had to prepare for our guardian trials and graduate, but we had to study and worry about several regular written exams too. The days and weeks leading up to graduation consisted of gym sessions and training early morning and straight after school; after dinner was strictly homework and study time before bedtime. Lunch was periodically being taken up library visits and revising flash cards. I had hardly any time left for socialising, not that I made that a particular priority in the past. I certainly didn't have any time to chat with Damon again considering the time difference, his different hours of work and my packed schedule.

Weekends weren't much of a break either, except for my weekly family call with Mom and Dad and dinner with Nadya and Sacha. In any spare moment I could find, I was cramming for assignments and exams, and training. Always training.

Chad, MJ and I routinely met up for sparring sessions since Damon left. One Saturday afternoon it was just MJ and I as Chad bailed to call his girlfriend who went to a different school. I didn't mind and honestly, I felt sorry for him. Long distance must be hard. I wondered what they would do once he got his guardian assignment. She was a Moroi and last I heard she was planning to go to college. I hoped Chad could get an assignment in close vicinity to whichever college she headed off to. She wasn't royal though, so Chad's chances of being paired up with her as a guardian was slim.

Once MJ and I packed and cleaned up our equipment and bandaged any wounds—MJ sorely had more than I did—he randomly pulled me aside as we walked out of the gym.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" He led me gently by the elbow round the corner where it was a touch more private.

"What's up?" Two lines appeared in between my brows, suddenly worried for MJ. He looked so serious and kind of…scared, if I had to name it. I rarely saw him like this. He was often so calm and chill, a bit like Damon in that regard, except Damon had a large ounce of swagger to go along with it.

"Um," he ran a hand through his dishevelled hair. "Look, there's something I need to tell you…and I want you to hear me out completely before you decide to say anything."

"Okay?" I glanced around us. "Do you want to sit down maybe?" He seemed to be growing more nervous by the minute.

He didn't verbally answer, he just nodded and we sat at a nearby bench under a shady tree.

MJ swallowed and took a deep breath. "So, there's something I've been wanting to tell you for months and maybe this isn't great timing with graduation coming up and all—but I thought, hey, is there ever going to be a good time for us as guardians?" He said it all in a rush without pausing for air.

Meanwhile, I stupidly sat there, blinking like a doe. The only word that I could form was an utterly confused, "Okay?"

He blew out a long exhale, his chest visibly deepened. And then slowly, he placed his palm over my hand that lay on the bench in the space between us. "Soph," his voice came out a little hoarse. I looked down at his hand then up at his freckled face.

"We've been friends for a long time, right? Thirteen years?"

I nodded, unable to move much more than that. My heart sped up but it wasn't in anticipation. It wasn't lurching in nervous excitement or happiness.

His thumb stroked the back of my hand ever so delicately. He regarded me earnestly and warmly. "What I wanted to tell you is that…" He closed his eyes for half a moment and then opened them again. A flush accompanied his cheeks making him appear that much more cuter."Soph, I…I have feelings for you."

Whoa. I totally wasn't expecting him to say that.

I stared for a second. Or well, perhaps a bit longer than a second. So long in fact, MJ cleared his throat and removed his hand. "Soph, could you like say something, please?" Since the words fell out of his mouth, I grew still like a freaking statue. I wasn't even sure if I was blinking still.

I licked my lips and shook of my lingering frozen state. "Um, since when?"

Since when? Why the hell does that matter?

"I…I don't know. A while. A few months, I guess," he answered bashfully, running another hand through his messy red hair.

I was making this worse. Every second of it. He was baring his heart to me and I was…hell, I didn't even know how to describe it but it wasn't good. MJ has been one of my best friends for years. I should just be honest yet delicate with him, right?

"MJ," I began in a calm, gentle voice. "I love you. I've always loved you, and always will…but, not like that." I tried not to label him as a brotherly figure to me. That would just sting all the more.

I saw the brief glimpse of hurt over my rejection flash in his eyes but like a true guardian, he covered it up fast. Like it never happened.

I spoke again, before he could. "I'm so sorry, MJ. I really am. If I could be that person for you, I would be."

"Hey, it's okay," he said with a weak, flat smile. "I didn't expect you to feel the same way I do but I just thought you should know."

"I really am sorry, MJ," I told him again. "You're a great catch and—"

He held up a hand to silence me. "Soph, really, it's fine. Don't feel bad," he said kindly.

I gave him an apologetic look.

Before the air grew awkward, he stood up and brushed off invisible dust off his pants. "I gotta go take a shower," he said lamely. "I'll…I'll see you later."

"Yeah," I gave a small nod in return and he was off. He didn't run away or sprint quickly although I bet he was wanting to do that. He probably felt so humiliated.

I sunk into the chair and curled into myself feeling guilty for not liking him back. I meant every word I said. And I knew MJ was totally good boyfriend material but he just wasn't for me. No one was, at the moment.

His rejected face and the hope diminishing in his eyes stayed with me for the rest of the day and well into the night.

It was about a week before my trial when I got the most random and most welcome phone call. I'd just come out of my English exam, hoping I aced it, and returned to my dorm to prep for the next exam when that brilliant ringtone set off. I eagerly answered it, grinning like a fool.

His laughter cheered straight away and his entire face was smiling. "Ha-ha!"

"Hi, Damon."

"Hi, BK," he said jovially.

"I didn't think I'd be hearing from you—"

"Before your trials?" he finished for me. "Pfft. As if. How are you?"

I flopped backwards on my bed. "Just had my first exam today. English."

"Oh," he nearly shouted, "you would've done excellent, I know. You're like a literature queen."

I snorted. "Yeah, right."

"I don't know anybody else who reads as much as you do."

"Not true," I grinned cheekily into the camera. "Dad reads probably just as much as me."

Damon rolled his eyes. "Yeah, in his spare time. And he only reads that cowboy western junk if I recall correctly. You read all different sorts of material."

"Hey, I've read a couple of those 'cowboy western junk'," I returned, not appreciating his dig in the genre.

"Yes, Soph, key term being ' a couple' and not 'a lot'," he moved into a more causal position and I could only assume he was lying down too. "I have to be honest, BK. The reason for my call is not just a simple check-in and chat."

"Alright, what's going on?"

"Well for me, not much. For you, a fuck tonne," he answered. "The most important test of your life is in one week."

"I know." I turned serious. All jokes vanished now and my mind was reprimanded and reminded of my real life once more.

"I'm sorry I can't make it."

"Damon—"

"You know I wouldn't miss it for the world. You're not only one of my closest friends but my first student," he continued.

I tried to cut in again to reason with him and let him know it was okay and I understood and I didn't expect anything of him. "Damon—"

"So, I wanted to give you my last mentorship advice before the big day and this might be the only chance I get to talk to you."

I took a breath and nodded, allowing him to go on.

"I want you to remember something when you're out there: use your brain."

When he said nothing else for the moment, I said, "Thanks?"

He shook his head. "No, you don't understand. Sophia, you have lots of outside experience that makes you superior to your class. You have several marks on your neck, how many do they have? That's not to say they aren't good, they are. But it's to say that the guardians will test you in a much more complex way than everybody else. They did with your Mom, they will most definitely do it to you."

I sighed. I was hoping for more from him. I already deduced all that on my part weeks ago!

"So, be prepared to be tested. Keep your cool and use your brain. Don't let your panic and anxiety overcome you if they present you with a task or situation that seems there's no possible solution. There is always a solution. You might just need to get a little creative so that means using your brain."

Now, that sounded more like Damon advice. Alerting me to not let my overthinking and anxious head rear was good advice that meant he knows me. I'm usually rather straight-faced and clear-headed when fighting Strigoi. But that's not to say there won't or can't be a time where I panic or something happens where I may not think clearly.

"You've got this, I know you do," he reassured me firmly.

"Thank you Damon," I whispered.

Thank you for reading! Sorry if the stuff with MJ seemed a bit random but had to give the other side characters a bit of a storyline too!

Hope you liked it anyway :)

Also I have now changed the rating of this story to M.