Summer 1912.
Elizabeth DeWitt Bukater was beside herself as she returned from a trip to the hat maker. After purchasing several new ribbons, she left the haberdashery to return home.
Tomorrow, she was due to make her grand entrance into society, and just two weeks after, her elder sister, Rose, would marry Caledon Hockley. The wedding would be quite the affair; mama had said, with over seven hundred invites returning from the printers to be sent out over the coming days. The wedding had been postponed due to the tragic sinking of the Titanic, of which her mother, sister and soon-to-be brother-in-law had survived. The sinking had created a drama for the family, with many well-wishers visiting to get a first-hand tale of it, and their sitting room had not been empty for weeks. It had been a little diversion of attention, but soon, it died down as all gossip did, and in exchange, mama made many new acquaintances and seemed utterly beside herself in widening her social circles.
Since her return, Rose had not quite become herself again, and now, as they walked side-by-side across the acre of gardens, Elizabeth did all that she could to ensure her sister smiled just once. The summer sun created a lovely heat to the day, and as she beamed about the new materials she had purchased in town, she saw a small smile across her sister's tight lips.
''You know, dear Elizabeth, you are built for this life.''
''I am truly excited to have my cotillion finally.''
''It will be a spectacular day,'' Rose replied rather flatly, and Elizabeth's smile faded as she attempted to glance beneath Rose's mundane brown hat, which seemed to match her lowly mood.
''Oh, Rose, I know how difficult these weeks have been for you, and I know how terrible it has been for you that your dear maid, Trudy, perished in the sinking; I could only wish that she had returned. I know how much you relied on her.''
''As do I; she was a friend, too. Always a friend to me, first.''
''But, you were one of the lucky ones; you and Mama managed to get to a lifeboat and come home to me, isn't that the important part?'' Hope lingered within Elizabeth's shaking voice, and Rose could only put herself back together momentarily to clasp her sister's gloved hands and touch them to her waist.
''Of course, Liz, you were all I thought of until we came home. I am thrilled to have returned to you, even though I may not display affection so much.''
The latter, of course, was true. After several hours upon a lifeboat and days upon the rescue ship, Carpathia, there had been nothing to do but wait; wait to die, or wait to live, wait for the absolution that would never come, and so, she had time to think…of everything. It had been overwhelming, to say the very least.
''And I am more than happy, too, for once you are married, then you are to return to the seas and see Egypt, of which I am very jealous and then you should know what they say happens after the honeymoon…''
Rose glanced at her blankly, squinting in the sun.
''You should soon be with child.''
''What?''
''Is the purpose of marriage not to have children, to watch them grow? Mama insists she was expecting you the moment she was married, and I came along not two years later.''
The innocence within her eyes was beautiful to see, but Rose was nursing a sickness beneath the layers of anxiety that had possessed her every moment since returning home.
''And I am different and feel that there is more to life than having children.''
''Indeed, then I shall relish lots more walks and discussions after I am out in society; I shall be only too happy to follow in your footsteps.''
''You do not need to marry right away, Liz.''
''Do not let Mama hear you say that.''
''No, but it is true, there is nothing to say you cannot have a few years out; I am to be married, so mother should not be as harsh on you; I shall talk to her and persuade her to get you to attend university as you so wish.''
''Oh, Rose, could you?'' Elizabeth almost danced in front, her newly purchased ribbons billowing in the light breeze.
''Of course, or you could travel and see the world.''
''With you and Cal?'' She asked, hopefully.
''No, alone or with friends. There is nothing just sitting here in this city for you. You have never even left this state, and it is about time that you did.''
''But I should need a husband to travel or a chaperone, would I not?''
Rose sighed. ''Yes, but that does not mean you need to marry within the next year or so of your young life.''
Suddenly, a swift exhaustion seemed to settle over Rose. She came to a clearing in the garden, where the oak trees joined overhead, creating a quiet hiding space away from the back of the house. It was a spot where she would come to collect herself at various times throughout her adolescence.
''Are you quite well?'' Elizabeth enquired, slowing her pace and coming towards Rose slowly.
''It is just the heat.''
The truth was, her pills were now organised and monitored by a matronly woman, Mrs Bell, who stood over Rose and watched as she took the damned medication. They were stronger to help her deal with the loss and stress over the sinking, but of course, pills were not going to help her forget Jack Dawson.
Oh, how she had combed through the survivors lists endlessly, looking for any sign, but there had been none. He would have perished; the odds of a third-class male surviving were minimal, or so she had read in the newspapers until they were banished from her sight by the servants at Cal's request.
She had cried for him, clutching her stomach until it hurt. The guilt at leaving him at the precipice before leaving as soon as the ice had showered upon them. Admittedly, she had been frightened. Of it all. Now, she was paying the price, taking only true comfort in that she was back home and her sister was more than all right. She should deal with the guilt privately, as she always had.
''Shall we sit by the shade for a while? I do wish to tell you more about the shades of ribbons at the haberdashery, or even better, the way Mama scolded me on the way home for speaking extensively to the new chauffeur; she was beside herself.''
''Truly?'' Rose feigned interest in the topics, swallowing down her sickness as they sat upon the dewy grass. ''Is a mother not always beside herself about something? Tell me of this new hire, then.''
''Yes, he has travelled from quite far. Europe, I believe, although he is from this country. Mama said it is vulgar for a man to speak too openly about himself, especially under our employ, but I found it utterly refreshing.'' Elizabeth continued chattering away. ''Of course, she said no such thing to his face, but he was facing the steering wheel and has never so much as turned his head towards us, but what would that matter?'' Elizabeth went on. ''But how could he take his eyes away from the road to speak to me? Mama was simply terrified of him losing control of the new vehicle, I am sure of it.''
''Mother only accepted the new Daimler as a token of safety from Cal's father.''
''Because a carriage is no longer safe to travel in?''
Rose exhaled and shook her head, unable to understand much of her mother's reasoning. ''I believe they think it is safer for us to travel that way.'' Rose continued,'' What did you speak of with the new hire?''
''Mostly my cotillion, the upcoming carnival, and he was impressed that I carried my fabrics from the store in the box to the motorcar. Mama was too busy chatting with Madame Laurant even to know that I had gone.''
''I bet Mother was beside herself at that.''
''Indeed, but how many more times can you discuss the fine summer weather we have had or the colour of Miss. Farrelly's dress at the ball last week?''
Rose wished to laugh at her sister, but it was not as complicated as anticipated. Removing her mundane, coloured hat, she placed it on the soft grass beside her, and Elizabeth did the same with her own.
''Are you truly so melancholy, Rose?''
''No, not as much as it seems. My only happiness is you, dear sister.''
''Surely you do not mean that. Does Cal not matter to you?''
''He is…'' Rose struggled to think of a term, ''kinder towards me than most would, at times.'' That much was true. He had raised his hand only once, which was considered lucky by many. Since the sinking, he had attempted to become comforting by sending flowers, a miniature of himself, and a new bracelet. All of which were worthless.
''He is handsome.'' Elizabeth pointed out with raised eyebrows. ''Very handsome, indeed.''
''But a becoming face is not something upon which to base a marriage.''
''I know that otherwise, I should have married the chauffeur upon first sight!''
Elizabeth's cheeks brightened, and she pulled out her fan and started furiously waving it about. Rose fretted that it was not just from the heat of the day.
''Is he truly that handsome? Do not let mother hear you speak of this!'' Rose warned, shuffling closer to Elizabeth upon the warm grass, relishing these quiet moments between themselves as sisters.
''I know that; it is why I have you to speak of such things, too. It is why God blesses you with a sister, is it not? Now, pray to tell, aside from the tragedy, which I do know is affecting you so much still, please share why you are still so blue.''
''It would be too much to burden you with.''
''I am sixteen, soon to be seventeen. I can tolerate some harsh things.'' Elizabeth moved closer to Rose. ''Oh, do tell me, I am not going to be burdened, and I am not a child anymore. I could be married months after you and carry my child by the end of this very year! Please, do not hide away.'' Elizabeth pleaded, and as much as it pained Rose to say or even see it, what she spoke of was true, though Rose hoped it would not happen.
''I met someone, whilst on board the ship, someone who came to mean, well, he became very dear to me,'' Rose started quietly, ''he did not make it.''
''Oh, Rose.'' Elizabeth's lips parted, her frown deepening. ''I am so very sorry to hear that.''
''I checked the survivor's list, and he was not there. It was merely a friendship that lasted whilst on board the ship, but we have an affinity, common knowledge of how cruel this world could be, and I should have hoped for the friendship to go, well, beyond…the ship.''
''And for certain, he did not survive?'' Elizabeth glanced towards the grass. ''Write a letter to his family? Maybe he will write to you, still. Maybe he would have contacted you by now if he had, but still, one can hope, can they not?''
''I have searched, Lizzie, but he never made it. He has no family to contact, and he did not know my address.'' Rose's mood dampened, ''but we cannot speak of this around Mother and Cal; they were none too pleased about the friendship, just as they are not you conversing with the hired help or the peasants.''
''You can trust me.''
Gazing into deep green eyes, similar to her own in shape and depth, Rose could only smile. Her sister was a blessing, perhaps the reason she had lived, not once but twice. Elizabeth had been the love of her life since she was born, and Rose had been just over one year old. Together, they had grown. Similar in shades of eyes, fair skin, and tones of red, Elizabeth was more a strawberry fair than Rose's, meaning she had been bombarded with quite a few more freckles, especially in the sun, but still strikingly beautiful. Rose favoured her father in looks; Elizabeth was slightly more her mother.
''May I ask you a question?'' Elizabeth queried quietly, her eyes downwards, sheepishly.
''Yes.''
''It is rather personal.''
''Go on.'' Rose pressed.
''When Cal kisses you, does it make you shiver inside just as the novels do say?''
Rose was somewhat taken aback and raised her finely arched brow in surprise.
''Why ask?''
''Mama said that I tend to read and daydream far too much.''
''There is nothing wrong with that.''
''But does a kiss feel that way?''
Rose was quivering inside. Her body turned into some sort of a tornado. Her stomach was a riot. Her eyes were stinging as she blinked back the tears which she threatened to allow to fall in front of him momentarily. Inside, she felt like screaming. Her head was swimming about, and nothing seemed to make sense. The fear of leaving this life behind was utterly gone and replaced by the need to just…run. Cal grasped her by the shoulders then, his mouth coming down towards hers, his tongue rammed into her mouth, and suddenly she was almost choking. The kiss was startling; her mouth fought against his instead of melting, and her breathing became stalled as she tried only to use her nose until it felt as though he had robbed her of air entirely. Perhaps he did, for she took a little while to regain consciousness after. It was their first kiss since the sinking, the first of many she knew would occur. Each one would grow more heated than the next until her clothes would fully melt away, and he would present his arousal towards her. Predator to prey. Before he would swoop in to claim her.
The memory caused her to feel short of breath, so Elizabeth touched her fingertips to Rose's cheek to check her temperature.
''Are you well?'' Elizabeth touched Rose's forehead and moved wispy bits of stray hairs away. ''You feel cold.''
''I-it was,'' Rose tried to scramble for words, but nothing happened. The very thought of Elizabeth experiencing any intimacies with a man who made her feel the way Cal did, well, she could not bear to think of it.
''Truly, you look terrible; let's get you inside out of the sun before dinner. Mama will kill us anyway if we are burnt in any way.''
Hours before Rose emerged from her bed, Mrs Bell almost ordered her to leave as though she was a scolded child and spent a long while scrubbing at her skin until she felt it would bleed. Twice, she had been scolded for walking in the sun; now, she would have to endure thick powder to hide the offending freckles. The looking glass provided the view of a regal woman with hair piled high, leaving wispy strands to frame her over-made-up face, compensating for her tiredness and the effects of the sun.
''You look like a diamond,'' Cal purred, staring through the mirror back at her. Suddenly, she recalled a time when she had compared herself and Jack as though they were looking at the other through a mirror, the reflection entirely the same on both sides. As Cal approached, that image had vanished and was replaced with the oddity which had become her life.
''Good evening, Cal.''
''Are you looking forward to the gala tomorrow evening?''
''Of course, Elizabeth shall look beautiful.''
''She is excited.''
''As she should be,'' Rose feigned a smile. ''Shall we dine? We cannot leave my mother, your father and Elizabeth waiting, can we?''
Before he could answer, he slid his hands atop her shoulder, and she stiffened before they slid towards, straight inside the top of her dress, down into her corset and cupped at her breasts. This was something that he seemed pretty excited about doing expressively recently, and he took liberties often.
''Cal!'' Her eyes widened at the feel of him there.
''Surely you cannot deny the pleasure you feel?''
She could. She wished to scream. To punish him how he needed it, but instead, all she could do was allow him to sneak his hands to pinch at her nipple. She hunched forward; her sound caused Cal to act more until she was aware of another presence in the room.
''Mrs. Bell!'' Rose startled Cal's lustful reverie, and he straightened like a cat hitting the water. ''Cal was just finding some pearls that appear to be lost in my dress; I clumsily broke a string.''
Mrs Bell said nothing and did not act on anything further. She stood at the door's threshold, patiently waiting for whatever had transpired to end.
''Indeed.'' Cal agreed, straightening his suit. ''Be down for dinner in five minutes. I do not wish to be kept waiting.''
''She'll be a moment, sir.'' Mrs Bell sternly responded as he left before handing out the small red pill she had to take. Sensing Rose's hesitance, she raised a brow. ''The longer you keep him waiting, the worse he will get. Mark my words.''
Rose didn't know if she was referring to the embrace which she had interrupted or taking the pill before attending dinner. Taking the drug into her mouth, she swallowed it straight down dry and ignored the bitter scrape down her throat. Mrs. Bell smiled, satisfied, before proceeding to leave to attend to the signing of the paperwork as she did routinely each time. The second the pill hit her stomach, Rose was rushing to the bathroom, sticking two fingers to the back of her throat, and she emptied her bile into the toilet without a second thought. Tears sprang to her eyes as she felt another wave of sickness hit, and her head was back into the bow,l vomiting away the rest of the day. The pill swam about in a pile, and all she could do was flush it away, knowing that it would not cloud her judgement for at least another day before the next one would be due.
Elizabeth came to the forefront of her mind and focused on the excitement lingering for her debut tomorrow. Secondly, she thinks of Jack and his pleas to leave her family. At that moment, she knew she had done the right thing and taken the reins of her destiny; for Elizabeth's sake, she would suffer.
Rose slowly put herself back together but knew she was taking on another identity. One she did not like. One who she failed to acknowledge. One she despised entirely.