CHAPTER 5

They assembled in Gordon's "man cave".

"What we need more than anything," Dr. Kleiner began, "is manpower. We lost most of our men during the Combine re-takeover. They've all been either killed or shipped off to Nova Prospekt." Gordon raised his hand.

"Yes, Gordon?"

"Whatever happened to Barney?" Gordon asked.

"Well, Gordon, when the superportal re-opened, I put Barney in charge of the evacuations. He left with the second train of evacuees and has been on the run from the Combine ever since."

"I don't suppose the columbine—" Chell began.

"Combine, Chell," Alyx corrected.

"Combine, then. I don't suppose there's some main database thingy or whatever where we can find, you know, prisoner records, criminal records, stuff like that?"

"Actually, there is," Alyx replied.

"What are we waiting for, then?" Chell exclaimed. "Let's go!"

"Not so fast. The complex is heavily fortified. It's also surrounded by a sensor perimeter. If even a headcrab enters or leaves the complex, they know. And even if you got past the sensors, the complex is under heavy 24/7 surveillance. Barney went on reconnaissance a few days ago and he just barely managed to get out with these photos of the equipment." She pulled out a tablet. "See?"

"It looks like each section of the grid is powered by one of those cables." Chell pointed. "If we could unplug the sensors, we could sneak in unnoticed."

"Except if we did that, they would certainly send a squad out to investigate. If we shut down the whole grid with something like an EMP, it would be pretty obvious, they would put the place on lockdown, and we'd never get in. Also, you'd never get close enough to unplug the wire before you got detected."

"Sooo, what exactly do the sensors … sense exactly?" Chell asked.

"Looks like heat, motion, maybe electrical signals? I dunno. Definitely cameras and mics."

Chell pulled out a sticky hand. "Would this work?"

"Maybe. It's pretty small. They would have calibrated the sensors for semi-large objects to avoid overloading the system. You don't want something like a stray fly or piece of dust to set off an alarm, after all."

"Where did you even get that?" GLaDOS wondered.

"You forgot about the cameras," Gordon remarked.

"I was getting to that, Mr. impatient," Chell continued. "Kleiner, what's that stuff… I don't know, you put it on metal and it makes it rust faster? I did something like that for a 5th grade science project but I forgot what we used."

"An aqueous solution of hydrogen peroxide and sodium chloride?" Kleiner suggested.

"What?" Chell asked, bewildered.

"Hand sanitizer and salt water," Gordon translated.

"Oh," Chell said. "Well, why didn't you just say that?"

"Anyway, the camera mount's made of metal, right? So I just squirt some of that stuff in there and wait for it to set up." She pulled out a squirtgun.

"where are you even getting all this stuff?" Barney wondered.

"That's still too obvious. Water doesn't just magically appear in sensitive electronics, after all," Alyx protested.

"It does if it's raining," Chell retorted.

"Ohhh, you're right." Alyx realized. "This might just actually work."

"You'd have to do it soon, though," Kleiner interjected. "The Combine are increasing their security in a week. You'll have to do it before then."

"In the meantime, Chell," Gordon began, "You'll need to learn how to be stealthy."

"But wait!" Chell protested. "I don't have a gun!"

"What does that arm thingy of yours do?" Gordon asked.

"Oh, this?" Chell lifted her portal gun. "I can make portals and pick up stuff."

"I might be able to modify that to allow it to launch the stuff it picks up," Gordon mused. "But it might not work."

"Warning: The Aperture Science Handheld Quantum Tunneling Device (TM) is not intended to be user-serviceable. Changes or modifications not expressly approved by Aperture Science will void the owner's authority to operate the product." GLaDOS recited. Chell ignored her. "Sounds good! Have at it, Gordo!"

"Please don't call me Gordo," Gordon pleaded. "Call me Gordon. Or Doc. Or Doctor. Or Dr. Freeman. Actually wait, no don't call me Dr. Freeman. Just not Gordo."

Chell handed him the portal gun. Gordon took it over to a bench and began to work.

Two hours later, he was done. "Here you go," he said. "It should be able to shoot stuff now. Hopefully. Try it out!"

"Um…"

"Try picking something up," Gordon suggested.

"I can figure it out myself," Chell muttered. She picked up Gordon.

"Whoa! Whoa! Hey! Watch where you're pointing that! Watch where you're pointing that!" Gordon shrieked. "Put me down! Put me down!"

"OK, Gordo," Chell remarked sarcastically. She swung him over towards the front of the shack.

"Hey! NO! NO!" Gordon screamed. Chell launched Gordon out the front door.

"AHHHHHHHH!" Gordon screamed. He flew backwards for a few hundred feet before landing painfully on his rear and skidding to a stop.

"Ow," Gordon groaned. "Let's not do that again. Ever."