Reimu Hakurei's grip on her gohei tightened.
Any moment now.
She watched with bated breath as Anon finished his takoyaki. He placed down the empty stick, ignoring the still warm tea for a glass of water.
He was just drinking the water to wipe away the taste of takoyaki, right? Who wouldn't want to have some nice tea after a meal. Beside her, Marisa nervously chuckled but it didn't reach her eyes.
They were at some eatery in the Human Village- Marisa, Anon, Alice, Youmu, Aya, Suika and of course, herself. At first, the lunch was lively, with Suika bothering Youmu as usual and Reimu fighting off Aya's attempts to sneak peaks for her trashy newspaper.
However, Anon just didn't touch his tea, opting to have water instead. At first, Reimu thought he was simply leaving it aside for later, but by the third serving of meat with no tea drunk, she was starting to worry. By the sixth serving, everyone else had taken notice too, their conversations creeping to hushed whispers.
The only person who didn't seem to see the issue was Anon himself.
Reimu gripped her gohei so hard her knuckles went white. Not for the first time that meal, she wished she had dabbled in the mental arts, if only to force this dirty heathen to drink the damn tea.
She looked across the table and exchanged looks with Suika, who looked sober for once, having a 'this guy is really doing it'-look on her face. Reimu heard Youmu audibly gulp, sweat running down her brow as Anon finished his cup of water. Alice had even stopped knitting a doll to stare at the spectacle.
"Ahh," Anon says, leaning back while rubbing his belly. He let out a burp as if he finished his meal. "That hits the spot. I usually can't stand seafood but this takoyaki is crazy."
Reimu glowered, while Marisa cleared her throat. "H-Hey, Anon, that tea's gettin' pretty cold. Ain't you gonna drink it?" Her voice wavered towards the end, betraying her unease.
"Nah, water's just fine, " he said, waving her off. "Tea's not really my thing anyways."
The room went deadly silent. Youmu's hand twitched towards her katana, face pale as if Anon had directly insulted her master. Alice's face morphed into one of disbelief and morbid fascination, while Aya slowly raised her camera.
The sound of Suika's gourd hitting the ground sounded like an explosion in the empty room.
Enough was enough.
Reimu slammed her gohei on the table, the wood creaking beneath the force. The sound made some patrons at the other tables look over. "Anon. You will drink that tea."
Anon had the gall to laugh at her request. "Look, I know you worked hard on it or whatever, but I don't like tea."
"But aren't you always complaining about there not being any drinks with flavor?!" Marisa shouted desperately.
"I do." Anon confirmed, nodding. He reached for his water, taking another drink. "But if I wanted something with some flavor, I'd just ask you to get me an outside world drink. Water's fine."
"The tea is the best part of the meal though," Alice said. Everyone else nodded in confirmation. "It calms you, helps the food settle and can heal your body."
"Look man, my body is just fine. At least compared to the people back home." Anon pushed the drink towards her. "If you love it so much you can have it."
"It's not that!" Youmu shouted, grabbing everyone's attention. It wasn't common for her to raise her voice, but for this Reimu understood her outcry. "Not liking tea is like saying you don't like breathing or living. You have to respect it."
Anon raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you already half dead?"
"Half phantom," she replied, scowling.
"Whatever." Anon raised his hands before dropping them to the ground. "You can't really ask me to respect this grass wate-"
"Grass water?" Alice frowned, as if she were planning to take Anon and wrap him up in yarn. Reimu was considering letting her do it if it came to that. "What are you? Some kind of kid?"
"Fancy coming from you." Anon sneered. "Plus, my mom wouldn't make me drink tea, so jokes on you."
Alice looked ready to exchange the grip on her doll for one on his neck.
The room felt like it was teetering on the edge of an incident, the kind Reimu usually solved by beati- politely asking rude youkai where to find the troublemaker. Her gohei was practically shaking with her barely restrained fury. Out of the corner of her eye she could spy Aya adjusting her camera for the perfect shot. Next to her, Alice was clenching what suspiciously looked like a voodoo doll in her hands.
"You don't understand," Reimu said, smacking her gohei on the table. "Tea is not just a thing. It creates balance. Harmony. Tea stops me from murdering everyone who comes to this shrine every day."
Next to her, Alice nodded. "I find it quite useful after I find my materials gone missing." She made a pointed look at Marisa, who looked away, whistling awkwardly.
"Without tea I'm not sure how I'd handle Lady Yuyuko…" Youmu sighed.
Anon reached for his back pocket. "I mean, have you guys tried therapy. I know Gensokyo isn't the most up to date but I got these self-hel-"
Suika, not standing for this nonsense, held the tea up to his face. "Just drink the damn tea."
"Nah man, that's gross." Anon swatted at the tea, spilling a few droplets in the process.
The room seemed to drop a few temperatures, as an unsettling chill drew in. The droplets hit the floor like falling stars, silent but catastrophic.
When Marisa thought Reimu wasn't looking, the magician reached for the rest of the tea, one hand grabbing a pitcher and telekinetically filling up a cup of her own. Usually, Reimu would find having her tea stolen annoying enough to cuss her out, but right now, she just couldn't find it in her to get mad at that.
Not when there were bigger issues afront.
"What seems to be the issue?" a waiter asked, walking up to the group. He tapped his foot on the ground with narrowed eyes. "I'm getting complaints from around this area."
Aya pointed at Anon, her camera flashing as she took a picture. "He won't drink the tea."
He pouted. "Snitch."
Youmu rolled her eyes. "You're just being childish."
"Nah, you all are." Anon leaned back, folding his arms. "I don't even know why you guys care so much. Tea isn't even good."
"Say that again."
"I will not drin-"
Reimu roared before jumping over the table and reaching for Anon. In his fright, he only managed to trip over a loose floorboard and in an instant, she was on top of him. In one hand, she held a cup of tea, pushing it against his face. "You will drink the tea!"
"Yeah, this is gold." Aya grinned, flying around to take pictures at as many angles as she could. "Crazy Maiden attacks Innocent Bystander!"
"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh!" Said one of the other patrons.
"That poor lad…"
"See son, this is why we don't hang out with youkai."
Suika broke into a fit, her laughter shaking the very building they were in.
"Help! Police! Call the village police! This crazy lady is trying to attack me!" He struggled under her weight, trying to buck her off him. "Save this innocent bystander!"
His pleas fell on deaf ears. The table's occupants were either too stunned, too furious, or - in Aya's case - too delighted to intervene.
"Just a sip Anon, and she'll let you go," Youmu said, almost pleading. She looked like she was the one being strangled.
"Yeah you heard her!" Reimu's grip on his neck tightened. "Just one sip."
"What's going on here?!" A second waiter asked, basically running up to the table. He joined the first in pulling apart the duo.
"He won't drink tea!" Reimu shrieked, as she was held up by both waiters. "This maniac refuses my tea!"
"Shrine Maiden, despite how…" The waiter paused to give Anon a dirty look. "Uncouth this man may be, we don't allow this type of behavior at our establishment."
"I'm not the problem! He is!" Reimu pounded her fists uselessly, screaming bloody murder as she was dragged out of the restaurant. "That man is an affront to everything good in Gensokyo!"
"Man…" Anon shook his head, sighing. He reached for Reimu's unfinished takoyaki; it wasn't like she was around to eat it. "Women, am I right?"
He winced at the angry glares he drew all around him and sunk down into his chair.
"Thanks!" Aya said cheerfully. She was just about the only person at the table who seemed to be happy with what had just happened. No doubt, Anon was going to see himself on the front page by tomorrow morning.
"For not drinking tea."
"For being a natural born celebrity," she corrected. "Whether it'll be good or bad for you, we'll have to see…"
"Glad to see you care about my life so much," Anon replied, seeing a waiter come up to the table.
"The truth shall set you free," the reporter lied through her teeth.
Suika laughed heartily, slapping Anon on the back. The outsider lurched forward only just barely stopping himself from kissing the table. "This was much more fun than a boring ol' regular lunch. We should do this again next week."
For one reason or another, no one else at the table quite so agreed with her words.
"All sake?" A different waiter asked, looking over the table with wariness. He nodded at the words of confirmation he got back, writing down orders on a notepad.
"Actually," Anon began, raising his hand. "Can I get some OJ? I don't really like sake that much."
The waiter began to sweat. Alice flinched. Youmu trembled. Marisa recoiled. Only the oni and the reporter seemed not to react immediately.
"Alright." Suika set down her gourd and cracked her knuckles. "I'll kill him myself."
Anon was smart enough to take a running start before the oni launched herself at him.