A/N: Hello everyone, I am back with chapter seven of this story. Here, the events of "Dipper vs. Manliness" are covered.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gravity Falls
It began inside the Mystery Shack as Tyler was looking around.
"I like to get my Christmas shopping done early." said Tyler.
"Is that true." joked Mrs. Pines.
"Do you have anything that's in the season?" asked Tyler.
"He really thinks they'd have Christmas stuff in the Summer?" asked Robbie.
"Hey, Christmas in July is a real thing." noted Stan.
Stan tried passing off a bowl of broken glass as crystals.
"Looks like a bowl of broken glass." said Tyler.
"What are you, a cop?" asked Stan.
The twins came asking to go to the diner as they were hungry. Stan said they would have Tyler, who was looking at a fur trout on the wall, made up his mind.
"Do you have this in another animal?" asked Tyler.
"I'm fine locking him inside if you are." stated Stan.
The twins agreed and Tyler was clumsily locked in as the Pines went to eat.
"Is that risky? Could he rob you?" asked Shermie.
"Tyler wouldn't do that. Besides, crime is actually low in Gravity Falls." answered Stan.
"Yeah, Stan's responsible for ninety-nine percent of crime in Gravity Falls." laughed Wendy.
"Hey, I keep Blubs and Durland employed." replied Stan.
As the Pines left, Tyler was indecisively going back and forth between a puma shirt and a panther shirt.
"That's our mayor." sighed Pacifica.
"Hey, he's actually not bad." said Wendy.
It cut to Greasy's Diner as several familiar faces where seen.
"Oh, I love small town diners." cooed Mrs. Pines.
"Then you'd love Greasy's." said Mabel.
"We can eat their next time we visit Gravity Falls." added Dipper cautiously.
"We still have decided if we want you kids going back." noted Mr. Pines.
The Pines sat down and Lazy Susan came over.
"Where were you yesterday?" asked Stan, flirtatiously.
"I got hit by a bus!" answered Susan.
"Hilarious!" laughed Stan.
"If someone said that, most people would ask if they were okay." said Mr. Pines.
"Hey, she was fine. You saw her." replied Stan.
"I'm surprise she wasn't in the hospital." confessed Mrs. Pines.
"She does run the place." noted Wendy.
"But she has employees to help her." replied Mrs. Pines.
"Yeah, and now including a certain former heiress." replied Wendy.
"Pacifica, you work for Lazy Susan?!" asked Mabel amazed.
"We lost our fortune so I had to." huffed Pacifica.
"How the mighty have fallen!" laughed Stan.
Pacifica chose to ignore this.
"Besides...it's gives me more freedom from...them." added Pacifica bluntly.
Stan put in a split order for the trio.
"But Grunkle Stan, I wanted pancakes!" complained Mabel.
"With the fancy flour they use? What, am I made of money?" asked Stan.
A bill slipped out of Stan's sleeve and he tapped it back into place.
"What a cheapskate." said Robbie.
"Like you're any better." countered Wendy.
"Look, having money stored away is important in case things don't work out." said Stan.
Shermie and Ford both knew exactly where this came from.
"Aww." groaned Mable.
Dipper noticed the Manliness Tester offering free pancakes for anyone who could beat it.
"Don't worry guys, pancakes are on me. I'm going to win some by beating the Manliness Tester." said Dipper.
"You runt!" laughed Robbie.
Mabel and Stan also began laughing with Mabel telling Dipper he wasn't "Manly Mannington" which offended Dipper.
"Look, face the music, kid. You've got no muscles, you smell like baby wipes, and let's not forget last Tuesday's...incident." said Stan.
A flashback was shown of Dipper singing "Disco Girl" into a comb.
"What a wuss!" laughed Robbie.
"Hey, I happen to like BABBA!" declared Dipper.
"I like BABBA too." noted Pacifica.
"Really?" asked Dipper.
"Yeah, "Hastings", "Holy Moly", and "Francisco" are some of my favorite songs. With "Disco Girl" included as well." confessed Pacifica.
"I thought "Cash, Cash, Cash" would be there." noted Dipper.
"That's my favorite." stated Pacifica.
"See this chest hair?" asked Dipper, insecure.
Dipper pulled down his shirt, but it shone brightly due to having no hair.
"Aw man." said Dipper.
Fed up, Dipper got out of the booth and marched over to the Manliness Tester, but got a bit apprehensive.
"Quit stalling!" cried Stan.
The twins' parents clearly did not approve of this.
Dipper pulled on the handle, but he registered "wimp" complete with a card of a baby saying "You are a cutie patootie!" which he tried to hide.
"This thing must be broken." said Dipper uneasy.
Manly Dan pushed Dipper out of the way and pushed the handle with his pinkie. The machine exploded and sent pancakes flying.
"Pancakes for everyone!" cried Manly Dan.
An embarrassed Dipper ran off.
"Okay, maybe I went a bit too far." said Stan.
"Yeah, I might have gone too far too." admitted Mabel.
"It's fine guys." replied Dipper.
"Good. Maybe next time you won't laugh at your grandnephew when he says he's going to do something." said Mrs. Pines.
"Oh no. I don't regret that part." stated Stan.
"What?!" asked Mrs. Pines outraged.
"Sixer is never going to win the Super Bowl and I'm never going to win a Nobel Prize. Well we should follow our or dream or whatever, it's important to recognize your limitations." explained Stan.
"How am I related to that?" asked Stan.
"Yeah, that was too much." admitted Stan.
"Come on, Grunkle Stan. I'm sure deep down you have a soft side too." said Mabel.
"Nothing in here but, a cold, dark, empty soul." said Stan.
Ford couldn't help but curse his father.
Lazy Susan brought the food and Stan poorly tried flirting with her.
"I've got to work on my game." mused Stan.
Mabel realized Stan had feelings for Lazy Susan, but Stan didn't think he should a chance.
"Look at her, she's so classy." said Stan.
Lazy Susan was on a stepladder hitting the non-working pie spinning trolley.
"Spin pies! Spin!" demanded Susan.
"It helps when you have low standards." shrugged Stan.
Mabel vowed to help Stan win over Lazy Susan.
"This should be fun." said Gideon.
It cut to Dipper angrily grumbling as he walked down the street.
"Stupid lumberjack." said Dipper.
"Please don't tell your dad I said that." begged Dipper.
Wendy made the zipping the zipping lips motion.
Dipper was sprayed by a broken fire hydrant. Blubs and Durland were investigating, but took of their shirts and began to play in the water. This caused Dipper to back into a woman.
"I'm sorry, i was looking for the mail man." said the woman.
"Oh what? Are you saying I'm not a male man? Is that what you're getting at? I'm not male. I'm not a man. Is-is that what you're getting at?" asked Dipper emotionally.
"What a baby." scoffed Robbie.
Wendy elbowed him in the ribs.
"Do you see what mocking Mason did?" asked Mrs. Pines angrily.
"I didn't mean to hurt the kid." said Stan.
"He was trying to push me to get stronger." agreed Dipper.
It cut to Dipper bench pressing a small stick. He found no chest hair and asked what the secret was.
"Now Dipper, I might a crazy old man, but I think you proved yourself a man by helping to stop that triangle fella." said McGucket.
"Thanks." replied Dipper.
"Triangle fella." repeated Mr. Pines confused.
Dipper began eating jerky when the ground shook and animals ran past as did Manly Dan.
"For the love of all things holy, run!" cried Manly Dan.
"I thought he was at the diner." said Pacifica.
"He left soon after to go to work." replied Wendy.
A half-bull and half-man creature came marching up to Dipper.
"I should have figured." sighed Ford.
"You know them?" asked Shermie.
"I studied the Manotaurs while living in Gravity Falls. Needless to say, I'm not exactly a fan." answered Ford.
Luckily, the Manotaur was interested in the jerky which he ate off the ground.
"Our peacocks had better manners." said Pacifica disgusted.
Chutzpar declared he was summoned by jerky after which he punched a tree in half and smashed a rock over his head. Suddenly, he began sniffing the air then Dipper.
"I smell...emotional issues." noted Chutzpar.
Dipper began ranting to Chutzpar.
"Congratulations Stan, a wild creature is doing a better job of parenting than you." said Gideon.
"Says the guy who brainwashed his dad so he could run for mayor." scoffed Stan.
"Maybe you could give me some pointers." requested Dipper.
Dipper climbed onto the back hair of Chutzpar. Chutzpar ran through the woods before literally crashing into the Manotaur Man Cave.
"These seem like your kind of guys Stan." said Wendy.
"Eh. They're not that great." replied Stan.
"The gnomes live in the trees. The merpeople live in the ocean. 'Cause they're losers!" began Chutzpar.
Mabel booed at this bashing of the merpeople.
Chutzpar introduced Dipper to the others.
"My name's Dipper." noted Dipper.
The Manotaurs booed at his name.
"The...uh, Destructor." added Dipper.
The Manotaurs accepted this.
"Dipper the Destructor, huh." teased Pacifica.
"Dipper the Destructor wants us to teach him the secrets to our manliness." noted Chutzpar.
Dipper showed off his bare chest and the Manotaurs huddled to discuss.
"He's a human. I don't like him." said Pituitaur.
"I don't like your face!" cried Testosteraur.
The Manotaurs started fighting.
"Told ya." said Stan.
"I like these guys." said Dipper.
"Not so much after this." noted Dipper.
It cut back to the Mystery Shack.
"Okay, Grunkle Stan. Welcome to the first day of whatever is left of your life!" declared Mabel.
This got chuckles including from Stan himself.
Mabel snapped a photo of Stan for her scrapbook and began with some roleplaying. Soos was playing the woman.
"I'm soft, like a woman."
Mabel had Stan talk to Soos while reminding him this was a non-judgmental environment...as she stood to the side judging him.
"How would scale this?" asked Robbie.
"It's a very complicated method." answered Mabel.
"Can I borrow some money?" asked Stan.
"I'm starting to see why you're still single." mused Ford.
Back at the Man Cave, the manotaurs denied Dipper's request to learn their secrets.
"That's fine with me. Obviously, you guys think it would be too hard to train me. Maybe, you're not man enough." said Dipper.
"Excellent thinking, using wits to outsmart your less intelligent opponent." said Ford.
"I have three Y chromosomes, six Adam's apples, pecs on my abs, and fists for nipples!" declared Testosteraur.
"I didn't need to know that." said Pacifica.
"Ironically, having multiple Y chromosomes would likely lead to infertility." noted Ford.
"I didn't need to know that either." groaned Pacifica.
Dipper's psychology worked and the Manotaurs agreed to teach him. First stop was the Pain Hole.
"For your first man test, you must plunge your fist...INTO THE PAIN HOLE!" declared Testosteraur.
Testosteruar put his hand into the hole and began screaming before running away.
"Mason..." began Mrs. Pines.
Egged on by the Manotaurs, Dipper stuck his hand into the hole before letting out a shriek.
"Yeah, I guess I shouldn't have caved into pressure like that." admitted Dipper.
"Did those 80s and 90s cartoons about peer pressure teach you nothing." said Mabel.
It returned to Mabel trying to get Stan to smile.
"Harder!" ordered Mabel.
Stan smiled and Mabel found it perfect.
"Soos!" cried Mabel.
Soos walked in eating a sandwich, but ran away in fear when he saw Stan.
"A desperate sow in heat would turn you down." laughed Gideon.
"You little brat!" snapped Stan.
"This is going to take some really great training music." stated Mabel.
A montage began showing Dipper trying to pull a wagon with the Manotaurs in it followed by Mabel giving Stan a facial...only for him to eat the cucumbers.
"You have to use something less delicious." said Stan.
Mabel shaved some of Stan's chest hair, but it grew right back.
"We have a very hairy family." shrugged Mr. Pines.
Chutzpar squirted glue onto Dipper's chest and place some his hair on it.
"It fell right off." shrugged Dipper.
Stan was shown trying to balance books on his head.
"My parents made me do that for months." shuttered Pacifica.
Dipper was seen in a river with alligators.
"Mason!" cried Mrs. Pines horrified.
"It's Oregon...those can't be real." said Mr. Pines.
"They're real. Darn things almost eat my foot one time." said Stan.
"How?" asked Mrs. Pines stunned.
"It's Gravity Falls." answered Dipper.
The montage continued with Dipper trying to drink from a fire hydrant the Manotaurs had broken, only be sent backwards by the pressure.
"So that earlier scene was foreshadowing." mused Shermie.
"There is a lot of foreshadowing." noted Axolotl.
Dipper was shown failing to jump a gorge.
"A tree broke my fall." stated Dipper.
The montage ended and the Manotaurs were shown in a hot spring with Dipper who expressing his gratitude.
"Just to be clear, I did have my underwear on." said Dipper.
Pacifica blushed at this.
"One final task remains. The deadliest task." said Chutzpar.
"I've survived forty-nine other trails. Whatever it is, bring it on!" declared Dipper.
It cut to a scene of Dipper getting a temporary tattoo. It was revealed he had several as he only wore a loincloth.
"Nice look!' laughed Gideon.
"Hey Pacifica, are feeling, okay? Your face is really red." asked Soos concerned.
Pacifica shook her head hoping to get rid of her blushing.
"I'm fine!" declared Pacifica.
An elderly Manotaur arrived but, he proved to be only an offering for Leaderaur.
"Oh, my goodness!" cried Mrs. Pines in terror.
Dipper and Mabel worried their chances of being allowed to return to Gravity Falls had shrunk.
"You must do heroic act. Go to highest mountain and bring back the head of...the Multi-Bear!" declared Leaderaur.
"And what is a Multi-Bear?" asked Mr. Pines.
"A bear with multiple heads. Unlike the Manotaurs, he's actually nice. We had several conversations during my time in Gravity Falls." answered Ford.
"And he helped fight of...him." added Mabel.
"The Multi-Bear. Is that some sort of bear?" asked Dipper.
"No. It's a cat." said Robbie sarcastically.
Dipper seemed hesitant, until Chutzpar found his BABBA CD. Worried about losing his new friends, Dipper made his decision.
"I shall conquer the Multi-Bear!" declared Dipper.
Dipper raced off to hunt down the Multi-Bear.
"I'm coming for you Multi-Bear." said Dipper.
"Man, you got sweet moves." said Wendy.
It returned to the Mystery Shack. Mabel, Soos, and Wendy were looking at the photo Mabel had taken of Stan earlier. Somehow, he was worse now than he was before.
"You look like the town idiot after he squared-danced with a skunk!" laughed Gideon.
"Can someone translate please?" asked Stan.
Is that throw-up on your shirt?" asked Mabel.
"I don't know how to answer that." answered Stan.
The majority of people watching where grossed out by this.
"Face it, Mabel. Your uncle's unfixable." stated Wendy.
"I've been in multiple relationships and I've even been married twice!" declared Stan.
"Goldie doesn't count, Stan." replied Wendy.
"Like that spinning pie trolley thing in the dinner." added Wendy.
This gave Mabel an idea.
"Grunkle Stan, come with me! And leave your pants at home!" declared Mabel.
"With pleasure." said Stan.
"I don't like the way you said that." noted Ford disturbed.
Dipper entered the cave and found the Multi-Bear.
"Child, why have you come here?" asked Multi-Bear.
"Multi-Bear! I see you head!" declared Dipper.
"This is foolish! Leave now! Or die!" ordered Multi-Bear.
"Interesting." mused Ford.
"Grunkle Ford, what's up?" asked Dipper.
"Now that I hear his voice again, Multi-Bear sounds like this supervillain from one of the universes I visited." answered Ford.
"Was he a bear there?" asked Mabel.
"He was human...though he did have Octopus in his name." answered Ford.
Dipper showed no sign of backing down.
"So be it." said Multi-Bear.
Multi-Bear charged Dipper who ran up a wall.
How did he..." began Mr. Pines.
"It's Gravity Falls." answered Ford.
Multi-Bear smacked a pile of bones toward Dipper who hid behind a rock. Multi-Bear attacked, but Dipper managed to jump up his heads and choked out the main head with his spear.
"That was amazing!" declared Wendy.
"It was cool...I guess." grumbled Robbie.
"My son didn't fight a bear. My son didn't fight a bear. My son didn't fight a bear." said Mrs. Pines horrified.
"A real man shows no mercy!" declared Dipper.
"Don't forget, mercy is never a sign of weakness." stated Ford.
Multi-Bear accepted his fate and only requested he be able to listen to his favorite song. Dipper agreed and was stunned when "Disco Girl" began playing.
"Oh great, he's a wimp." grumbled Robbie.
"I love BAABA." said Dipper surprised.
"I thought I was the only one." replied Multi-bear.
Multi-bear explained how the Manotaurs bullied him because he knew the lyrics to the song. Dipper began singing and Multi-bear joined him.
"Nice singing voice." chuckled Gideon.
"It's fine. I like BAABA and I'm not ashamed to admit it." stated Dipper.
Dipper began feeling bad about need to kill the Multi-bear. Dipper raised his spear, but dropped it on the floor of the man cave.
"I'm not going to do it." stated Dipper.
Dipper then proceeded to give a speech rejecting the Manotaurs.
"Good going dude." said Wendy.
"That's my boy." said Mr. Pines proudly.
"Well done." said Ford.
Dipper was told to kill the Manotaur or never be a man. Dipper flatly accepted the later.
"You're way more of a man than those jerks." said Wendy.
It returned to Greasy's where Lazy Susan was hitting the pie trolley.
"Spin! Spin!" demanded Susan.
Mabel entered with Stan and pitched dating Stan to Susan.
"If you like fixing stuff, nothing could use more fixing than my Grunkle Stan!" declared Mabel.
This led to laughs.
"Also women live longer than men so your dating pool is smaller and you should really lower your standards." added Mabel.
Mr. Pines laughed though Mrs. Pines didn't seem to find it as funny.
"I gotta remember that." thought Robbie and Gideon.
Lazy Susan left and returned, giving Stan her phone number.
"So, are we going to me your new girlfriend?" asked Mr. Pines.
"It...didn't exactly work out." noted Stan.
Stan and Mabel began eating free pie gifted to them by Lazy Susan when a despondent Dipper returned and explained what they missed.
"So, you were your own man and stood up for yourself." said Stan.
"Huh?" asked Dipper.
"You did what was right even though nobody agreed with ya. Sounds pretty manly to me." explained Stan.
This caused Dipper to smile happily.
"See! I can be a good uncle!" declared Stan." After you left him to be when those Manotaurs and fight a bear!" declared Mrs. Pines.
"You're not going to let that go." grumbled Stan.
"I take it that is something you had to do a lot." said Shermie.
Stan pointed his thumb at Ford.
"Hey, it's got this guy back." said Stan.
"You have a chest hair!" declared Mabel.
Dipper was ecstatic until Mabel plucked the chest hair off for her scrapbook.
Stan reassured Dipper he would have plenty more chest hair as he showed of his own.
"I think I lost my appetite." said Pacifica disgusted,
"Well Dipper, I'm glad you learned a valuable lesson." said Ford.
Like Mabel said, I like traditionally form effeminate things, but I don't see that as making me less of a man." added Gideon.
"And it don't matter what music ya like. Why, "Cotton Eye Joe" is my favorite song." said McGucket.
Everyone agreed that was a good song.
"Yeah. And I wouldn't have learned it if I didn't go to Gravity Falls." said Dipper hopeful.
"I'm sorry, but right now I really don't feel comfortable letting you return there." said Mrs. Pines.
This led to a slew of unhappy responses.
"My son could have been killed! His safety is more important than anything else!' declared Mrs. Pines.
"Maybe we shouldn't be too hasty." proposed Mr. Pines.
Mrs. Pines shot her husband an angry glare that quickly caused him to back down.
"I believe we should continue." said Axolotl.
A/N: That's where we'll end things for now. I know some people don't like this episode, but is just middle of the road for me. Nothing will beat "Roadside Attraction" as the worst episode and boy if I reach that. The songs Pacifica listed as takes on real ABBA songs keeping the theme going. The song "Hasting" is "Waterloo", "Holy Moly" is "Mama Mia", "Francisco" is "Fernando" and "Cash, Cash, Cash" is "Money, Money, Money" respectively.
Yes, that was a reference to J.K. Simmon's famous role as J. Jonah Jameson and it won't be the last. Honestly, it's sad Ford and Multi-Bear never interacted. I lost it when I typed McGucket in and it redirected me to the "Cotton Eye Joe" music video. Nex time, the events of "Double Dipper" will be covered. Please review.